Well secluded, I see all.'s Blurty -- Entries
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Well secluded, I see all.

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HI, Fucker. [13 Jul 2003|10:31pm]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | HIM (His Infernal Majesty) - Stigmata Diaboli ]

I haven't watched fight club in a while. That movie has so much meaning to me. Its wonderful. Today my mom took Erica and me out to lunch. It was a strange time, but it all ended all right. I start babysitting tomorrow, this is going to be three days from hell. I don't know how Brandon does it. Once I get the money hopefully I can go buy some wonderful things.

let your voice be heard

Such a clever, clever, girl. [12 Jul 2003|08:53pm]
I am watching court TV. How exciting. This channel is so great. It really is very exciting. I think I need to go lay down though now however. Cause of you know all of the excitement.
let your voice be heard

Ian - The Exterminator [10 Jul 2003|09:33pm]
[ music | Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You ]

I just killed the biggest spider ive seen in a while. I hate spiders.

When I found it. I stared at it for a while. After getting a good glance, I went around the house looking for a shoe. When I finally found one of them in the living room I went in for the kill. There was two of them a smaller one and the big one. I'm guessing one was the mother and the other a child. Logically I went for the mother first, slamming my shoe down in front of it missing. It hopped back and avoided the shoe. The baby fled in the other direction.

"Oh no you don't you little son of a bitch" I muttered.

I rose my shoe again and struck down with great anger. The shoe instantly crushed the mother into different pieces pushing them into my bathroom rug. I raised the shoe once more this time hesitating, thinking of sparing the baby spiders life. Noticing what I was doing I shook the though from my head and killed the baby. Looking at the bottom of my shoe noticing the stains from the insides of the mother I said to myself in a dark tone.

"Fucking spiders"

let your voice be heard

Fuck you bob. [10 Jul 2003|10:23am]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Suicide Machines - new girl ]

well. how did I get here?

I think I feel better today.

let your voice be heard

Darling don't you know? The water is poison. [09 Jul 2003|11:34pm]
[ mood | so fucking scared ]
[ music | War - Low Rider ]

Right now, I am so scared.


I'm not supposed to worry. But its me.. I worry, I worry a lot. Maybe this is psychosomatic. I don't know All I know is that im terrified. I don't want to wait for the answer I have the urge to just end it for good and just get the pain over with. Love is the ultimate two sided blade. I think I will try to play it out, just because it really is worth it.. I just have to keep reminding myself.

Ian, its worth it.
Ian, its worth it.
Ian, ITS WORTH IT.

Well ok its worth it. I am on hanging from a cliff. And only one person can help me back up, or let me fall.

let your voice be heard

Look at what your science brought, I am the robot. [09 Jul 2003|11:17pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | Tub Ring - I Am the Robot ]

Right now the only thing I want is to be good enough for her. To be what she wants. But of course im living in a dream. Reality is such a harsh mistress.

let your voice be heard

Do you want to own me angel? [09 Jul 2003|04:43pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]
[ music | Thursday - Paris In Flames ]

I am deeply conflicted.


One thing I need to learn is that there is always two sides to every story. That's a big problem with me not to mention the insecurities, weakness, and the dependency. I didn't always used to be like this. Now I need someone to agree with a viewpoint of mine before I actually take the time and energy to defend it. A lot of things just arent worth fighting over in my opinions. I'm not a stubborn enough person to ever be able to win any non-serious argument. Even if I know im right ill just say im not to make the other person shut up. I used to be alone ive been alone for a long time. Some people have siblings or parents that they can open to. I can't. My parents and sister are distant. And now I feel its necessary to latch on to something and just don't let go. Just don't leave me by myself again please. I don't like myself. I hate myself. Myself hates me. And it does damage when im alone with it.

let your voice be heard

Nigga please, im the macaroni and cheese. [09 Jul 2003|11:37am]
[ mood | blank ]

Hm what to talk about! Oh shit. I hate my fucking CD burner. it always fucks up the LAST song. And this last song was some refused. How depressing. Well I don't really know what's new that I can talk about. Erica said she DOES want us to be together again, so that's always a good sign. I should probably not worry about it so much. Anyway I go to get her gift anytime soon. My mom gave me ten dollars for it. Kinda surprising. Chuck should be here soon.. and im outskies!

let your voice be heard

We dance to all the wrong songs. [08 Jul 2003|05:20pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Refused - New Noise ]

Wow it is already five? This day has slipped from my grasp. Tonight I am going to the movies and dinner. I am anxious, but I am more anxious about seeing Erica on Thursday. If I don't it will crush me our plans never seem to work out but if im not going to see her on her birthday this time its different. Mm mm outback, I love my hamburgers and outback I can say has the best of them all! I'm such an IMHUMAN person cause I eat hamburgers, I see that whole viewpoint but I don't choose to follow it just because it doesn't mean enough to me to. We all die indefinitely, make the best of your life. I seriously have to get ready now im leaving in 10 minutes JESUS CHRIST IM SO NOT READY.

let your voice be heard

We want the airwaves back. [08 Jul 2003|05:58am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Refused - Track 2 ]

WOW! Things are actually going better than they ever were. She was right. I mean I really don't care what other people think and that's what the whole relationship seems to be about. I mean sure she could see other people, but I don't think she would I wouldn't. But I mean if she did it would hurt but it doesn't matter it doesn't hurt! Tonight was so great we talked for hours and.. she actually opened up to me. I love her. I feel sort of frantic, I'm happy.

hooray. ill post more later today.

let your voice be heard

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