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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
The Life As Kool La'Rae's Blurty:
| Monday, September 22nd, 2003 | |
| 11:13 pm | it's been a long while... Man I keep having these feelings...like the old ones...the icka feelings...like...I'm soo tired and empty...undefined....not even here... |
| Saturday, September 6th, 2003 | |
| 7:42 pm | OH YEAH! Guess what meh spanish name is??? PILAR!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood:  tiredCurrent Music: "Realest Nigga's" By Ya' Know! |
| 3:29 pm | I hate colds, and life... Why can I only see that one number? Current Mood:  lonelyCurrent Music: "Hell Bent" Kenna |
| Saturday, July 26th, 2003 | |
| 2:03 pm | surpassingly pissed.. going bak to rock bottom for about the 20th time in meh life, isn't a gr8 feeling...and I must say...I HATE EVERYONE!!! Friends, family, who ever. I can't lie, you looking at this, YOU ARE GAY. Everybody even mehself. I hate how you motherfuckers.."uhhh, Ill call you bak" and surpisingly I have a breakdown in the next 5min, THEN when i try to call you, you're not home. Now after you read this you're going to think "Oh, how could she say that...blah blah blah..." and make it all about yourself, so before you get the chance to think that think about what the fuck you have been doing to me. Shit, I have been trusting you to help me and to talk to me, and I guess you don't get for me to tell you what has been going on with me takes more than 10min on the phone. I mean you don't invite me over so we can talk, do you think I'll invite you over when you know I hate it here??????? Plus I have put mehself on the line to invite you over, but something is always up...so does that make me feel?????...Jesus and Mary, maybe at PHS I won't be a retard and pick better friends....I'm out...oh yeah...fuck the world... -Vredre Current Mood:  bitchyCurrent Music: Brother Talking On The Phone... |
| Thursday, July 10th, 2003 | |
| 11:46 pm | Today was... pretty kool, for once. I hung out mostly with my aunt, But 1st i went to Eliot. There I hung out with Gavin, Tom, Kevin and a little with Tom Cobbs...but when i 1st got there after talking to Mrs. Robles and Trevor B. some ghetto guy hit on me...*eewwww* Plus now Mr.Tran is da homie...after that, went with my aunt and cousin...whatever whatever...I forgot how my aunt shopped...I don't even remember how many stores we went to..got home around 7 watched a movie with meh mom...then we tried to go to sleep, she didn't try she did. But myself...uhh...i couldn't sleep it was too hot. When Ryan B. got home I just went into the big room with him cuz' i was just walking around the house. *I can't stay in one room by myself, I start hearing things...* So we are watching True Life on MTV and my brother is like "what are you watching cuz' we are going to play video games" then he starts talking about how I watch too much dumb crap and how I look up Justin TImberlakes things all day when i don't...and that already got me down, plus today IS the 10th......shit...I just hate life so bad...I mean i thought when I told my mom and brother about me and the "stuff" I thought things would get better and change...but they kind of...haven't...and I have no where else to turn..icka... -Vredre Current Mood: disappointedCurrent Music: Radio Head, Hail to the Thief CD |
| Tuesday, July 8th, 2003 | |
| 5:53 pm | Yeah,...it's been awhile.... Hola, Starting off... I told my mom and brother about me starting to kill myself a couple of times...yeah yeah...blah blah... 4th of July...went with Nicole to the beach...dewd..is there a bigger dumbass in the world...lord I haven't told anyone about it...she is too gay...can't come to explain how much I am waiting to go to PHS and say good-bye to all these ppls...Jesus I still wanna hit her.. The last two weeks have beenn SOOOOOOOOOOO gay...and today was even gayer...I still can't stand life...I wanted to kill myself soo bad today....ICKA....Why is life soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo GAY?? AND STUPID WATSON...i hate life... -Vredre Current Mood: bitchyCurrent Music: On My Own-The Used |
| Friday, July 4th, 2003 | |
| 4:29 pm | uhhh....happy 4th of july? U r a Linkin Park freak!!!!!! U no almost evrything a bout them! Are u a Linkin Park freak? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood:  annoyedCurrent Music: The Used CD |
| Wednesday, July 2nd, 2003 | |
| 3:31 pm | man..... This morning was gr8...h2o polo was really good...got a new homie ashley...after that my sister was later about the spa thang...after that I wasn't that mad...We went bak to my sister house then went to Eliot to see Tom and Kevin, it was kool. I talked to Mr. Tran and Ms. Robles and got her email so I'll email her sometime, but right now i feel like shit...i really wanna cry sooooo bad...I think I'll take a shower...man...I am just tired of this bullshit! ALWAYS SUCKING UP TO PPL...JESUS!!! All the time I just being nicer to ppl so our friendship to go bak to what it use to be....so...FUCK YOU PPL...MAN!!! When I need them again, there somewhere else, i mean yeah, they were there for me when my dad died...but ICKA..I was there right after that for them, 3 times more...i hate life so bad right now...i'm out... -Vredre Current Mood:  depressedCurrent Music: Incubus "Stellar" |
| Monday, June 30th, 2003 | |
| 5:04 pm | yup yup This morning at h2o polo was crap, when we got in the water, most of the ppl don't know me cuz' i played at the rb. so one of the girls asked me did I give set, and I was like yeah! but she didn't hear me, and Elizabeth and kathyrn were like say no. then the lady was like do you or do you not? And the coach came and he was like "Yeah, La'Rae played at the rosebowl" she knows set and the lady was like "Are you saying yes just to say yes?" and I am sitting there like "if you really wanna show me SHOW me...I ALREADY THO!!" and then Elizabeth is like she knows set but not the names, and I am like "yes i do" but hey and kathryn again were like "say no say no" so I said no...it was really gay...after that i got home...went online..something is wrong my computer so i am on the laptop...and I when to sleep watching Hey Arnold the Movie...then I woke up got online and talk to Kristy! it was a kool convo! it got me happy, now that I thought about this morning I am like whatever..i'm out! -Vredre Current Mood: whatever Current Music: The IMing sounds of AOL |
| Sunday, June 29th, 2003 | |
| 2:46 pm | Me again... Yeah yeah....I just found this song I made about Watson...it's soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo dumb..... I wish Gregory told me how dumb I was being in the beginning so I wouldn't like him now...icka...yes yes blame it all on Greg...lol...Here is the song: This is a story about a girl who fell in love with this loser guy but it seemd she can't find out why! It's just that he's a big loser she wishes she would die , Because now it's getting harder and harder to hide, her true feelings inside! This loser guy is really not a loser he just seemd this wait... BECAUSE HE IS A LOSER WITH BIG HAIR, ,BIG NOSE AND SMALL FEET!!!!!!!! Everyone knows him that you cannot lie! But why does this girl denys this feeling and cry? The one thang she can't deny, that she isn't falling for him it is for this , because she already fell... Is that ^ not dumb?? lmao...I am such a dork... Current Mood:  surprisedCurrent Music: Red Hot Chili Peppers CD "By The Way" |
| 1:37 pm | Yup... Yesterday was pretty kool, a couple of things pissed me off but it was kool I guess, cuz' I just let it roll off my back ya' know?...The day I was with Katie, 1st we went to my Niece's 1st b-day with my sister, and my sister wasn't too annoying, but now I see to be much nicer to her I guess...The bday was okay...I guess...I don't know how to rock my Niece's world..lol After that we went to Paseo, saw Charlies Angels...blah blah...the bad guy was hott!!! no no wait...spicy..lol...When we were done with paseo we went down to old town and I got about 5 or 6 etnies shirts...~*~ I wuv meh etnies ya'll~*~ lol...Yeah yeah...whatever, went home but no one was there so I spent the night at Katie's house...Now here I am...I am kind of pissed and depressed at the same time right now so..it's all icka...i g2g bye -Vredre Current Mood:  guiltyCurrent Music: The Used CD |
| Thursday, June 26th, 2003 | |
| 8:52 am | Take everything from the outside & throw it all around cuz i swear for the last time I will trust... Yeah....it's been a while...this is the only site i can talk about my real feelings, ~*~because I didn't give anyone this link...unless some smart person put my Xanga s/n and entered it onto Blurty.com~*~ But yeah...I really really reallly hate life. I swear to the lords name i wish I was not living. Two days ago I had another over dose. I mean there are things to live for in my life but there are more things not to live for. Friends: Out the window. Family: Long gone. School: pshhh. Myself: Never had it. Everything is soooo gay, and I always try to sugar-coat it but it's all just too gay. I can't live with my mom or brother anymore, they both just got me to that point and I need to stop seeing my sister cuz' she jokes around with me too much which makes me mad but deep down it just gets me depressed. Man, I just don't wanna live. I wish we still had a gun in the house, after my dad killed himself my mom took out all the guns. It's all just icka.................I am just tired of these ppl I am tired of listening to their problem and them not asking about mine. I am tired of being around those homo fags. I am tired of living. But most of all I am just tired of being me.... -Vredre Current Mood:  numbCurrent Music: Aunt talking to my cousin and singing LP in my head |
| Tuesday, June 10th, 2003 | |
| 8:39 pm | ...other bad day... icka...today and yesterday sooo not kool...Yesterday was too gay...the whole I wanted to cry, and it finally came out with I got home...I guess I take sleeping pills a lot so when I got home, I found out some stuff on Rebacca and shit...so around 4 or something I took some sleeping pills woke up about 8 and after that I didn't do anything...10 I couldn't go to bed and my mom wouldn't let me have many more sleeping pills...and I started to spaz out...1st this feeling in my leg then it would up to my arm, then to my brian...it was really freaky...and the only way I could stop it if I kept shaking my leg.......... man...............Today...when I woke up I called my grandfather to pick me up for school at 11 and I called my mom and told her to remind my grandfather to pick me up at 10...NOT TO PICK ME UP AT 10! JUST REMIND HIM TO PICK ME UP AT 11!!!...but no...she didn't remember that...so my grandpa came at 10 and I didn't do my make-up test in math....Got home...surprised I didn't break on...I was trying to focus on my history...My mom and brother came home, shortly after that my mother and I went to my fathers grave site with BBB...1st time I didn't cry...probably cuz' I was watching BB and trying not to think about my daddy...Went to Nicole's house to study...not good...got a little studying done...MAN!....FUCK!!! I hate life soooo bad....i swear...if I'm the same and July comes around...ICKA!!!! -Vredre Current Mood:  pissed offCurrent Music: "Bottom of A Bottle" by Smile Empty Soul |
| Sunday, June 8th, 2003 | |
| 5:57 pm | yup... Hola!...icka...yeah...it's been awhile or whatever...icka It's all like icka I guess... Let's see...Watson asked me did I wanna hang out this weekend, but I told him no, cuz' I had to study...but I didn't even study...stupid me... You wanna see something stupider? element poser355 (9:12:21 PM): i want to do a lot of surfing nenegrl922 (9:12:38 PM): cool you surf ? element poser355 (9:14:25 PM): yeah element poser355 (9:20:26 PM): do i turn u on? nenegrl922 (9:20:53 PM): you no it:-* nenegrl922 (9:20:57 PM): lol element poser355 (9:21:40 PM): oh.... nenegrl922 (9:23:36 PM): it was just a joke dont be freaked out or anything element poser355 (9:24:15 PM): no I like it liek that nenegrl922 (9:24:50 PM): oh ok i just thought you got kinda freaked out by that element poser355 (9:30:42 PM): yea element poser355 (9:30:59 PM): whut do u look like whuts ur name nenegrl922 (9:32:19 PM): umm its kinda hard to say what i look like but im black with black short hair and im short kinda i dunno if sam gets the yearbook ask him to show you and my name is yunia element poser355 (9:33:06 PM): o cool nenegrl922 (9:34:16 PM): just dont ask sam about me alot he'll say really mean stupid stuff cuz he hates me element poser355 (9:35:29 PM): oook nenegrl922 (9:36:43 PM): ya so did you give larae that pic yet? element poser355 (9:37:48 PM): no I didnt give her anything nenegrl922 (9:43:37 PM): have you seen 2fast 2furious? element poser355 (9:43:49 PM): no i havent seen it element poser355 (9:44:11 PM): have u nenegrl922 (9:44:21 PM): no not really into those kinda movies element poser355 (9:44:37 PM): o i c element poser355 (9:44:52 PM): I think that movies is gay 2 nenegrl922 (9:48:17 PM): do you prefer shy or outspoken girls? element poser355 (9:49:14 PM): neither nenegrl922 (9:49:56 PM): so then what do you prefer? element poser355 (9:50:16 PM): not shy but not lud, just in the middle element poser355 (9:50:20 PM): loud* element poser355 (9:54:11 PM): bbl I ALWAYS WHY SHE BROUGHT ME UP!!! NOW HE THINKS MY THE STALKER FOR SURE!!!! ........................................ but he ain't that freaked out.... ICKA...... <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< icka...I care right now... late Vredre Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: "Pump It Up" by Joe Buddens |
| Tuesday, June 3rd, 2003 | |
| 10:26 pm | yup yup... Hola, yesterday was my bday...uh huh...it was okay... today was whatever...talking to Watson...man...I really wanna tell him.......... so tired.....i guess I'll go now... Current Mood: tiredCurrent Music: RHCP- By The Way CD |
| Sunday, June 1st, 2003 | |
| 7:17 pm | ...icka...~*~feels like crap~*~ Man, I should have went to the banquet...now here I am, should be doing history feeling like crap cuz' when I got online I saw Joe P online and that made me think about what I did...~*~when I piss off ppl I don't feel too gr8...~*~ ICKA!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLUS NOW I LIKE WATSON MORE!!!!!!! Tomorrow my bday too....it kiks me in the ass that I won't be doing anything and I may not even see Watson...BLAH!!!!!!!! Me+ Life doesn't mix too well....................All this crap is just crap................BLAH!!!!!!!! it's just ICKA!!!!!!!!!!!!.....still waiting for July.......... -Vredre Current Mood: guiltyCurrent Music: "Creep" by Radiohead |
| 4:39 pm | WOW! It's been a while eh? HOLA!!!!!!!!!!! DEWD SOOO MUCH AS HAPPENED IN THESE LAST 4 DAYS!!! Icka...where to start?? 1st Katie and I are now friends...uhh..Thrusday went to Muir ~*~It was gr8~*~ I missed most my classes and got to see *the homie double G's*...1st it was like pshhh whatever, talked to some h2o polo ppl, sat down and ate food...Okay I didn't eat, but I gave my food to Joe P and *HUGH* lol..Jazz Band was good...Told off David by telling him how I will beat him in DDR..uhh...Watched the polo ppl ~*~WHO KNEW THAT THE HOTT GOALIE WAS THAT GEEK WHO PLAYED MAGIC ALL THE TIME?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Vredre Current Mood:  bouncyCurrent Music: "Rock You Body" By Justin Timberlake |
| Wednesday, May 28th, 2003 | |
| 8:24 pm | yup yup Yeah, my day is still gay...my brother just got home and I was watching the Giants game and he just turned it off and started to play Zelda. Can you believe that replaced Link...ICKA! He was soooo kool! icka...still looking for good layouts...~*~hopes tomorrow will be better~*~ Oh yeah, tomorrow I go to Muir so it'll have to be good, plus I hope I talk to Katie...and I'm on my brothers lab too...well I'm out -Vredre Current Mood:  gigglyCurrent Music: The Background to Zelda |
| 4:42 pm | I'm now the Boss Today was icka AGAIN!... Starting of school... Before School: "feh" I saw Elizabeth but she was talking to people, and katie wasn't there yet. 1st period: Kind of pissed, then I got Alex M. as my partner in bio 2nd period: Still little pissed, I think I snapped at Elizabeth I didn't mean to...~*~icka..~*~ The damn rocket is going to be so gay in Thesenga. 3rd: We were getting ready for tomorrow's spring concert... :/...Gavin made the plan of the day thne 4th: Talked to Kristy and gave her, her gift for her b-day ~*~finally~*~ We wrote some stuff in that book with Elizabeth and crap...yeah... 2nd convo of the day "Why do I have to take the book???" -Kristy "Cuz' it's your b-dat gift! THAT'S WHY!! lol"- me Lunch: I really wanted to talk to Katie...but it didn't happen cuz' she was with Nicole the whole time 5th: When we went outside I asked Angela, Aleena and Elizabeth what they thought I should do when i asked them: "What do you think I should do if my good friend is talking to a friend that is not as good as friend as me, do you think I should go up there and say 'Hey, you wanna talk to me about it?' " Angela told me I should, Aleena said, "you should cuz' it'll came you a better friend" then Elizabeth was like, "Okay, go ahead ask me what's wrong?!?!?!" But I was talking about Nicole and Shauna not Elizabeth, so I talked to Elizabeth and then talked to Nicole...and the convo with her was..uhh...icka...1t she kept telling me how I need to tell Katie blah blah and I was like "Nicole, I wanna talk to her but I can't go up to her with blah blah and so and so there" then Nicole kept talking "blah blah" that didn't piss me off until afterschool 6th: Gay...Elizabeth and I went into Mrs. Pinto room while Ms. Russell went over the test we missed...blah blah....I made a comic strip of Justin J. and I as crime fighters..blah blah... After school: After the convo Nicole and I had she is still all over Katie, then I saw Katie by herself and I was about to go up to her, but then Nicole came up to her and was like "BLAH BLAH" which really pissed me off! icka.... Now I'm at home...doing math...I'm like icka still... Convo of the day: IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:20:03 PM): You're not useless to them! Scrstng09 (4:20:14 PM): but im useless to u Scrstng09 (4:20:18 PM): so im still useless IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:20:21 PM): NO! You're not! IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:20:34 PM): You help me with... IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:20:35 PM): uhh... Scrstng09 (4:20:45 PM): see!!!!i really am useless IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:20:46 PM): making fun of Jeimy! IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:20:49 PM): YES! IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:20:56 PM): YOU HELP ME MAKE FUN OF JEIMY!!! Scrstng09 (4:21:03 PM): ..............no i dont Scrstng09 (4:21:12 PM): ..........i fire myself..... Scrstng09 (4:21:17 PM): im useless Scrstng09 (4:21:53 PM): theres nothing more u can do for me Scrstng09 (4:22:00 PM): u showed me the truth IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:22:19 PM): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:22:25 PM): I didn't mean it Joe! IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:22:38 PM): YOU CAN'T FIRE YOURSELF! Scrstng09 (4:22:40 PM): yes, yes u did larae IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:22:42 PM): you're too kool IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:22:48 PM): and the boss joe! Scrstng09 (4:22:50 PM): no, no larae!! IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:23:08 PM): yes, yes Joe! You can't do this!! Scrstng09 (4:23:13 PM): u must take over now IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:23:17 PM): Wait, dose this make me the boss???:-) IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:23:21 PM): KOOL! Scrstng09 (4:23:21 PM): im through IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:23:48 PM): wow, it feels kool being the boss... IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:24:14 PM): 1st thang I must do while I'm the boss, you and will must come to the spring concert tomorrow IM CrAzYf0EmInEm (4:24:33 PM): and bring your hat and will must bring his beanie! Scrstng09 (4:25:16 PM): good luk larae, now i must go, greif in my own pitty and sorrow............. Scrstng09 (4:25:18 PM): good bye Scrstng09 signed off at 4:25:24 PM. So now I'm the boss...that is something that made me happy today...THANK YOU JOE! lol Waston updates: ............I LIKE HIM TOO MUCH! g2g bye tx2ul! -Vredre Current Mood:  stressedCurrent Music: "Fallen Angel" By Dark Projekt (okay techno) |
| Tuesday, May 27th, 2003 | |
| 11:37 pm | dewd.... I'm soooo tired...I just took this pill that helps you go to bed....icka...I'm on my brothers labtop ~*~which should be mine...icka..~*~ but hey, who cares it's always in my room and I'm the only one who uses it! icka...soooo tired...can't stop thinking about bad things...like school and friends but then I try to think about good things and watson pops in my head, but I'm trying to stop liking him...So if thinking and being with him makes me happy then why try so hard at not liking him???? ICKA...dewd...like dewd....icka...I'm going on Xanga.com and looking up sites that are better than mine! bye -Vredre Current Mood:  gloomyCurrent Music: Thoughts going thru my head |