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Small update [29 Apr 2007|04:26pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | Sonata Arctica - Unia (Which is an album, not a song. Duh.) ]

The point system I made did work for about 1,5 weeks until I stopped. Sure, it was a great idea and all, but as I use to, I simply stopped. I can't burn for something for a long time before it fades away. This is my curse. I'm planning on starting on the point system again tomorrow, though. When the next week starts.

When I went to the doctor to get a re-evaluation, he told me that he had another option that was completely free, and that didn't have a waiting time for about a year until I got help. So I'll be seeing the last year psychology students every week or so from August, I think. If they accept me.

Else? I was on a concert. Within Temptation. It was awesome! And guess what? It pays off to hang around in the building after the concert is finished. I got a nice chat with the drummer of the band. Which is scary. I have been at two major concerts in my whole life, and I've met the drummer of both bands. Seems promising, knowing that I'll see my all time favorite band this November. (Sonata Arctica, by the way. You haven't heard them yet? Tsk, shame. Go listen!)

I'm still happily together with my boyfriend, although I see the destruction of a lot of couples around me. Ah well.

I'll start running next week. I'll have to get off those extra pounds.

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*sigh* [06 Apr 2007|05:17pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Queen - Innuendo ]

Well, the clock is barely 5 PM, and I'm already tired. I hate being like this.

Most of that could boil down to those huge panic attacks I had yesterday. I wish they would just go away. I wish they would just leave me alone! Ah well.

Speaking of, I was evaluated for mental help a while ago, and I got to talk to this nice lady over at the mental hospital. I told her about my problems, but I didn't manage to tell her just how bad it is. So I got rejected a couple of weeks later. Yes, because having angst attacks one to seven days a week isn't worth helping.

So I'm going to the doctor on Tuesday to get him to fix me a re-evaluation. And maybe send my application to some other mental hospitals in the city, mostly private ones. Maybe I'll find anyone who want to help me through this hell. 'cause I'll never get a job if I'm like this. No one wants to give me a job if they can see on my school papers that I've been away from school at least 50% of the time. Not even if my doctor says it was because of illness. I'll still be away that much when I start working.

But hey, it seems like the point system I described in my last post works! I've been able to do a lot of cloth-washing lately. Usually, I don't manage to get myself to do stuff at all on bad days, but lately I've soon gone through the never-ending heap of clothes that inhabited our bedroom floor. I must admit I'm a bit proud of myself. (You might also understand, from the amount of points I've gotten every day so far, that I don't eat much. Sure, I guess I eat enough, but I eat few meals, and tend to eat between meals and stuff. Especially during the holidays.)

Okay, that's it! The sleeping beauty in my bedroom is getting up at 18:00! He's been sleeping on and off for 24 hours now. Poor fellow - he's suffering from ADD and have to handle me on top of everything. I must be very tiring. I'm actually surprised (and unbelievably grateful!) that he has coped with me for soon one-and-a-half year.

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First post! ^^ [06 Apr 2007|02:11pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Visions of Atlantis - Return to You ]

Okay, I'm on a point system to try getting my life on track. I'm very easily motivated, so I decided to try making a point system that will award me with points for everything I do that's good for me. Every thing will give me 1-3 points, after how difficult the thing is for me. Anyways, here's the points:

School stuff:
- Math test giving me a 6: 1 point (My math is so easy I want to cry sometimes.)
- Other test giving me a 6: 2 points
- Other test giving me a 5: 1 point
- Actually go to school: 3 points (Currently. I'm in a bad period, which means I have great troubles getting to school at all. Might put down the point reward on this if my life turns out better.)
- Homework, written: 1 point per handwritten page, 1 point every 2nd computer-written page.
- Homework, reading: 1 point every 2 pages
- Bring lunch to school: 1 point (If I eat it too, of course.)
- Eat breakfast before school: 2 points

Other stuff:
- Exercise: 1 point every half an hour
- Wash clothes: 1 point per wash
- Roleplay: 1 point (This is, believe it or not, hard to do right now. As I said, I'm in a bad period right now.)
- Read a book: 1 point every 50 pages
- One day without sweets: 3 points
- Food: 1 point per meal (only real meals count. Eating an apple will for example not give me this point.)
- Tidy and clean the kitchen: 1 point if not very messy, 2 points when it's like it uses to be (Very messy)
- Get up when school's off: 2 points before 10, 1 point before 12 (Of course AM!)
- Eat only healthy foodstuffs a whole day: 2 points (In addition to the meal points I'll acquire, and the non-sweets points, if applicable.)
- Write a letter to one of my pen friends: 3 points if I write back the same day, 2 points if I write during one week after I got the letter, 1 point if procrastinated longer.

Here's the points I've achieved this week:
Monday: 5
Tuesday: 2
Wednesday: 2
Thursday: 4
Friday (today): 2 so far.

Total so far this week: 15

These points will, of course, get a boost when I start school again on Tuesday. Going to school will give me a lot of points, because I usually don't. Which is a bad thing, especially now that I'm doing High School again.

I was going to get another point yesterday, but I didn't have the strength to attend one of my favourite past-time activities: Role playing. That says a lot about my mood yesterday. Blah.

Today? I'm okay. I'll meet up with one of my best friends later today, and this is the friend I haven't seen since the summer vacation! We're going to spend some time at another friend's house, and I'm really looking forward to it! =D

Apart from my mood, I also have another issue I must fix on. I'm currently 192 lb, for God's sake! My goal, ladies and gentlemen, is 155 lb. Wish me luck! (I'm 5'7'', by the way. So yeah, almost 200 lb is a bit too heavy. >.<)

Feel free to ask me questions or give me comments. I like them, and I'll answer almost any questions!

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