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Tears in Heaven [15 Jan 2005|05:21pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Eric Clapton ] Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same If I saw you in heaven? I must be strong And carry on, 'Cause I know I don't belong Here in heaven. Would you hold my hand If I saw you in heaven? Would you help me stand If I saw you in heaven? I'll find my way Through night and day, 'Cause I know I just can't stay Here in heaven. Time can bring you down, Time can bend your knees. Time can break your heart, Have you begging please, begging please. Beyond the door, There's peace I'm sure, And I know there'll be no more Tears in heaven. Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same If I saw you in heaven? I must be strong And carry on, 'Cause I know I don't belong Here in heaven. R.I.P William "Jason" Coker 3/12/87 -- 1/11/05 You are loved dearly. I will see you again, someday. 9 arrows| hit me with your best shot

Fade [10 Jan 2005|04:48pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | Staind ] I try to breathe Memories overtaking me I try to face them but The thought is too much to conceive I only know that I can change Everything else just stays the same So now I step out of the darkness that my life became 'cause I just needed someone to talk to You were just to busy with yourself You were never there for me To express how I felt I just stuffed it down Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade But it seems the surface I am scratching Is the bed that I have made So where were you? When all this I was going through You never took the time To ask me just what you could do I only know that I can change Everything else just stays the same So now I step out of the darkness that my life became 'cause I just needed someone to talk to You were just to busy with yourself You were never there for me To express how I felt I just stuffed it down Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade But it seems the surface I am scratching Is the bed that I have made I never meant to fade... Away I NEVER MEANT TO FADE I just needed someone to talk to You were just to busy with yourself You were never there for me To express how I felt I just stuffed it down Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade But it seems the surface I am scratching Is the bed that I have made I try to breathe... hit me with your best shot

[09 Jan 2005|11:13pm] hit me with your best shot

[07 Jan 2005|06:14pm] Looks like my great big hunch was right.... Crystal told me about how in early September Nicole called Jason with a huge speech -- telling him how much she loved him and how he should leave me for her. She called him one night and confessed all of her feelings. She told him that she would love him more than I ever could. She begged him to sleep with her "just one time." She told him that I cheat on him with Kyle all the time, and that I always talk bad about him. He, of course, knew she was lying about me, and he HATED HER, so he let her down. He didn't wanna ever tell me because he knew I'd stomp the living shit out of her. Crystal said that shortly before the accident, he had made the decision to tell me, cuz apparently she kept on badgering him to be with her. I can't believe her NERVE. All that time, I knew what was going on, and she would lie right to my face like I was stupid. Then she wanted to act like I was the one who didn't know how to be a good friend.... Had I have known, I probably would have beat her ass. What kind of friend was SHE to do that behind my back?! The only thing about the situation that halfway chills me out is the fact that I know Jason would NEVER do anything with her, and I know that he loved me more than the world. Really, I think it all hurts my feelings more than it angers me. It does anger me infinitely, but it saddens me more. How could she be like that? I always knew it. I ALWAYS knew it. It's pretty pitiful that she couldn't get a guy on her own, she had to try to take one of MINE. What a manipulative bitch. I would dare call her a slut, but a slut can actually GET guys. It really hurts me because friends doing stuff like that is what hurts me the most. She remembers the Courtney-Drew drama and how much that killed me.... She's lucky I never knew until now....Who know's what I would've done THEN.... 1 arrow| hit me with your best shot

Cute Again [04 Jan 2005|01:33pm] [ mood | nerdy ] [ music | "Can't Nobody" ~ Kelly Rowland ] BLAKE B is for Brainy L is for Loving A is for Articulate K is for Kind E is for Entertaining What Does Your Name Mean? hit me with your best shot

I Walk a Lonely Road [02 Jan 2005|03:18pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Green Day ] I walk a lonely road The only one that I have ever known Don't know where it goes But it's home to me and I walk alone I walk this empty street On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams Where the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk a... My shadow's the only one that walks beside me My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me 'Til then I walk alone Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah I'm walking down the line That divides me somewhere in my mind On the border line Of the edge and where I walk alone Read between the lines What's fucked up and everything's alright Check my vital signs To know I'm still alive and I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk a... My shadow's the only one that walks beside me My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me 'Til then I walk alone Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah Ah-ah, Ah-ah I walk alone I walk a... I walk this empty street On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams Where the city sleeps And I'm the only one and I walk a... My shadow's the only one that walks beside me My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me 'Til then I walk alone... 4 arrows| hit me with your best shot

Cry Until Dawn [31 Dec 2004|04:14pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Thompson Twins ] I have a picture pinned to my wall an image of you and of me and we're laughing with love at it all But look at our life now, we're tattered and torn We fuss and we fight and delight in the tears that we cry until dawn Hold me now Warm my heart Stay with me Let lovin' start, let lovin' start You say I'm a dreamer, we're two of a kind Both of us searching for some perfect world we know we'll never find So perhaps I should leave here, yeah yeah, go far away But you know that there's nowhere that I'd rather be than with you here today You ask if I love you, well, what can I say? You know that I do and that this is just one of those games that we play So I'll sing you a new song, please don't cry any more I'll even ask your forgiveness though I don't know just what I'm asking it for Oh, oh, hold me now (hold me in your lovin' arms) Oh warm my heart (warm my cold and tired heart) Stay with me (Ooh stay with me) Let lovin' start, let lovin' start hit me with your best shot

Cute [19 Dec 2004|01:16am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | "If I Ever Fall" ~ Shai ] You Are the Challenger 8 You're brave, impulsive, and gutsy - loving challenges. You act first and think later. And you're not afraid to speak up. You are confident, so much so that you can be a bit bossy at times. Whether people like it or not, you always stand up for yourself. What number are you? hit me with your best shot

Slap Me With a Splintered Ruler [18 Dec 2004|12:53am] [ mood | pleased ] [ music | "All I Really Want" ~ Alanis Morissette ] Well, I'm not gonna get the promotion I thought I had in the bag. Last night Mrs. Stebel pulled me aside and talked to me about it all. She was like, "Now don't think that we hate you or anything, you are one of our best workers here, but we think that you need a little more time to show us what you've got. We're gonna give you more floor shifts and get you comfortable with all that. When we have our next staff meeting in like 3 months, you are definitely going to be promoted then. I wanted to let you know that you do a great job, you're probably our best concessionist here. Don't think bad about any of this, I want you to know that you are definitely on the right track, we just didn't feel like right now was the time for you." She told me some more stuff, but I can't remember all of it. She was really nice about everything. I'm not upset or anything. I understand everything she's trying to say. I'm glad she let me know about my progress, and that I'm being watched for the next batch. I really haven't had too much of a chance to show them I can handle it. Besides, that means I'm GUARANTEED a Crew Lead slot at the next staff meeting in April. I can wait till then. :o) The video store is going great. Tonight I was on a till, and pretty soon I'm gonna be promoted there, where I can close the store by myself. That's gonna be cool. I get to pretty much be my own boss. I can just pop in a movie if I get bored. Getting free movies from there is so cool. Tonight I brought home Anacondas, Napoleon Dynamite, and Shaun of the Dead. I wanted to bring The Manchurian Candidate, but mom said it wasn't that great. Last night at the movies, after I was done training a girl behind the concession stand, I went to the screening of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events since Sarah P.'s blind date was gonna be there (Amanda from work and her boyfriend brought a guy named Jesse to meet her). I didn't wanna sit through the movie then, but I really wanted to see it, and Sara T. wanted someone to sit with her. About 10 minutes into the movie, I was knocked out, all heavy-style, drooling & stuff (which I've been doing bad lately cuz of my tongue piercing). I'm so glad all of my movie stuff is done. I was afraid I would wind up screwing it all up, but I've actually been on the ball. I have it all ready to go. Hopefully I can get an A as my final exam grade. Final exams. It's SOOO nice to be exempt from 3 of them (I coulda been exempt from all 4, but Mr. Klatte said NO ONE is exempt from his). I don't hafta go to school Monday, and only from 9:45 -- 11:45 on Tuesday. That works though, cuz I still have plenty of time to do some last-minute shopping on Tuesday. I'm very excited about what I've bought so far; I think everyone's gonna be really surprised. :o) I'm probably not gonna hafta work on Christmas, and if I do, it'll probably be a short day shift. That's good cuz then I can be home with Brandon since he'll be here. He also comes home for New Year's Eve/Day, then comes home for good on January 3rd. I've been talking to Lee a lot lately. He let my know a lot about his situation and how he's gonna deal with the cancer. He also said some other stuff that cracked me up. I realized that I miss him a lot. He was a really close friend that I pretty much just stopped talking to. I'm glad we've been talking more, I think we both can give each other the support we need. Well, our AMC Staff Meeting is at 8:00 in the morning, so I best be goin to sleep. G'night. XOXO Blake 1 arrow| hit me with your best shot

We'll Make It Through [05 Dec 2004|08:03pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | "If You're Not the One" ~ Daniel Bedingfield ] My tongue is KILLING me! It's been about five days since I've had it pierced. It's hard to eat, and I'm SOO hungry. I'll be able to eat normal foods and change the balls and barbel by like Wednesday or Thursday. Yesterday me, the two Sara(h)s, Sandra, & Sara T.'s little cousin Desiree all met at the Sanford Mall. We shopped for a few hours and ate at Ruby Tuesday's, which was really fun. I had a hard time eating chicken, and I had to order mashed potatoes as a side. After that, Sara T. & Des went on home, and me, Sarah P. & Sandra went to the Altamonte Mall to shop some more. I bought me a pair of chords from Gap, and a pair of cool work pants from Aero. I bought a couple X-Mas presents for Brandon & Bryan. After they brought me home, Mom surprised me with a really cool jacket. I'm excited to wear it. I still have tons of shopping to do. Mostly all I did yesterday was scout for what I wanted to get for everyone else. I have an idea for everyone, so hopefully it all works out. Today I dropped off a copy of my SS card & driver's license. I also picked up a couple movies (which I get to rent for FREE), Legally Blonde 2, Monster's Ball, and The Bourne Supremacy before it's available to the public. It's cool cuz I get also get to see movies in advance there too. I can also watch a movie in the store while I'm working. I'm so excited to start working there; it's like the perfect job for me. I've been thinking about Jason SOOOO much lately. It's killing me not knowing what's going on with him. Thankfully Amanda keeps me informed, so I can still find out what's up with him. I keep having dreams about us in the future talking about what happened way-back-when and how amazing it was that he bounced back from it all so well. Lately I keep hearing and old Daniel Bedingfield song on the radio that explains exactly how I feel about it. I downloaded it today, and I keep playing it over and over. If you're not the one Then why does my soul feel glad today? If you're not the one Then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine Then why does your heart return my call If you are not mine Would I have the strength to stand at all I never know what the future brings But I know you are here with me now We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with I don't want to run away But I can't take it, I don't understand If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? If I don't need you Then why am I crying on my bed? If I don't need you Then why does your name resound in my head? If you're not for me Then why does this distance maim my life? If you're not for me Then why do I dream of you as my wife? I don't know why you're so far away But I know that this much is true We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with And I wish that you could be the one I die with And I pray in you're the one I build my home with I hope I love you all my life I don't want to run away but I can't take it I don't understand If I'm not made for you Then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong That it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart And pray for the strength to stand today Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right And though I can't be with you tonight And know my heart is by your side I don't want to run away but I can't take it I don't understand If I'm not made for you Then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I could stay in your arms... 1 arrow| hit me with your best shot

Rock It, Don't Stop It [02 Dec 2004|08:10pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | "One-Two Step" ~ Ciara ] Wow, was today actually a GOOD day? FINALLY! Today I went up to Movie Gallery, submitted my app, then took the little test. The manager was all like, "Yeah, John told me what a good worker you are, so I'm hoping we can have you as part of the staff since we need to people who are really knowledgable about movies." That was cool. Anyways, mom took me to see the new car I'm gonna get. It's a REALLY nice white 2002 Chrysler Concorde. It's SOOO pretty! It's like a serious ADULT car, but it's really pretty. It's got like EVERYTHING since Misty's (wealthy) sister owns it. Her and her husband pretty much hooked it up before they decided they needed something else. After seeing the wonderful vehicle I'll own soon, Sara came & scooped me up. Me, her & Ashley has us a little afternoon snack at Appleby's where "Houston had a problem." After eating, we embarked on a little adventure that was CRRAZZZYY, then we took Ashley home & went to the mall to see if Sarah P. had the SAT calculator for me (which she didn't). While we were talking to her, John came up and told me I got the Movie Gallery job. Oh, I can't wait to start working there! Tomorrow afternoon I hafta go up there and fill out the hiring paperwork, then I'll probably start like Sunday or so. I'm glad things are (somewhat) finally starting to look up for me. Saturday after the SAT, me, the two Sara(h)s, and Sandra are all going on an all-day shopping spree, so hopefully that's fun. I need to take a break and enjoy the life God gave me. I just wish my baby was here with me to enjoy it too. 2 arrows| hit me with your best shot

Something I'll Cherish and Hold [01 Dec 2004|10:47am] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | "Unbreak My Heart" ~ Toni Braxton ] Ohhh, it's nice to be home since we have a mini-freebie day. There was a small fire from a fusebox outside the bandroom, so the whole school was dismissed to go home. Nice. Anyways, the other night Mom was searching for something in the computer desk, and she found a Valentine poem Jason had written me. She gave it to me teary-eyed, and when I read it aloud, we both wound up crying pretty bad. "Looking back on all of the times, all of the love we share. I can how much you mean to me, and just how much you care. Having you is like having a gift, something I'll cherish and hold. Like having a nice warm jacket, when the temperature is really cold. But your love does make me feel wam, all toasty and fuzzy inside. So to prove to you I am grateful, my heart I no longer hide. If nothing lasts forever, and all must come to an end. Then whatever time I have left, it's with you I want to spend. I know just what you mean to me, and I know my feelings are true. So just be with me on this day, and tell me you love me too. Sharing moments with you there, no matter what they are. Even when they're bad and embarrassing, you are still my only star. You'll be the star that holds me, the star that protects me now. You'll be the star no on could ever compare, no one could even know how. I know we have our bad times, and say things we don't mean. But our love is always strong enough, and we always make it, it seems. Laughing with you about funny words, the words I say so crude. Is always special to me, and I'll "expedite" my happiness to you. But being serious, when all is said and done. You remain my constant, even when all the constant is gone. I can't wait to be with you more, spend all my life by your side. I can't wait to spend all my time, looking into your eyes. There's a hope that lies in there, an aura of love you see. They make me love everything, then even make me love me. So you're me baby, you know it's true. You're my valentine, and I love you." -<3- Jason I'm so glad I have that. I means more to me than anything in the world. I wanna show it to his mom and Nicole, and just everyone. I miss him so much. I can't stand it anymore. I NEED him. I cry all the time just thinking about him. It's hard to even live anymore. The part where he says "If nothing lasts forever, / and all must come to an end. / Then whatever time I have left, / it's with you I want to spend." just kills me. I wish people knew how much he needs me... 2 arrows| hit me with your best shot

What You Did Was Low [30 Nov 2004|10:12pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | "Low" ~ Kelly Clarkson ] Everybody's talkin' But they don't say a thing They look at me with sad eyes But I don't want their sympathy It's cool you didn't want me Sometimes you can't go back But why'd you have to go and make a mess like that? Well I just have to say Before I let go... Have you ever been low? Have you ever had a friend that let you down so? When the truth came out Were you the last to know? Were you left out in the cold? 'Cause what you did was low No I don't need your number There's nothing left to say Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be saved My friends are outside waiting I've gotta go Have you ever been low? (have you ever been) Have you ever had a friend let you down so? When the truth came out Were you the last to know? Were you left out in the cold? 'Cause what you did was low What you did was low What you did was low What you did was low I walk out of this darkness With no sense of regret And I go with a clear conscience We both know that you can't say that Here's to show For all the time I loved you so So... Have you ever been low? (have you ever been) Have you ever had a friend that let you down so? When the truth came out Were you the last to know? Were you left out in the cold? 'Cause what you did was low Have you ever been low? (have you ever been) Have you ever had a friend that let you down so? When the truth came out Were you the last to know? Were you left out in the cold? 'Cause what you did was low Have you ever been low? (have you ever been) Have you ever had a friend that let you down so? 'Cause what you did was low... hit me with your best shot

Until You're Resting Here With Me :'o( [29 Nov 2004|04:54pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | "Here With Me" ~ Dido ] I didn't hear you leave, I wonder how am I still here, I don't want to move a thing, it might change my memory Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want, but I can't hide I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me I won't leave, I can't hide, I cannot be, until you're resting here with me I don't want to call my friends, they might wake me from this dream And I can't leave this bed, risk forgetting all that's been Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want but I can't hide I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe until you're resting here with me I won't leave, I can't hide, I cannot be, until you're resting here with me. hit me with your best shot

Denial...When People Don't Know They Have Issues [25 Nov 2004|11:07am] [ mood | amused ] I just don't understand how a person can be so stubborn and blind that they pretend the person who hated them was their best friend.... Jason HATED Nicole -- why does she not see that? I guess she thinks that this is some contest between her and I as for who will "have him" when he wakes up, but guess what? I'm the one he LOVED. I know her desperate ass was in love with him, partly because he was one of the only guys that would talk to her (since she loves any guy that tells her hi). Does she not understand that he HATED her? Here we go, "Blake's lying; Jason didn't hate people" -- yes he did. He did not like her or any of HER friends, which weren't his. He told Amanda how much he hated her, he told Jessica how much he hated her, and he also told Crystal how much he hated her -- ask any of them his opinion on her, how she was "Blake's annoying friend that he had to put up with". He would tell me that all the time. I WAS the closest person to him, not Nicole, like she pretends to be. It's funny how she used to talk so bad about him when he was around ("Gawd, Jason is annoying me!"), and now that's he's temporarily gone, it's all, "He was my best friend..boo hoo hoo..." -- Yeah right. Stop fakin' the funk. He might have been YOUR best friend, but you were not HIS. It's also strange how Nicole dismisses Amanda, Jessica, and Felicia, the people who knew him LONGER and the people he liked MORE than her. She tried to keep him away from him I guess because she was so jealous of all of them. And Courtney, she too used to talk about how annoying he was, yet now he was her dear friend too. What the hell?! He was the kind of person who was never mean to anyone; he would always be nice to people, not matter HOW MUCH he despised them. People act like I'm making this up, but again, who was the closest person to him? Yes -- ME. I just wish I had some tangible proof of him telling me how he didn't like Nicole. Shit, the way he first met her was because he wanted to see "the fat bitch Blake didn't like" and he wanted to pick at her. Yeah, it's like that. Courtney was always, "the slutty girl that messed with Drew", Allie was "the lying bitch with poofy hair", and Rae Ann was...well, he never knew her, therefore she doesn't even qualify as a friend of his. I wish I had him saying all of this, but I would never save our IMs cuz I didn't want Nicole to take her nosy ass through my saved documents and find them. People can try to play off by saying, "Blake didn't even love him that much..." Well, I would sometimes say "Oh well I'm tired of him" just to see what Nicole would say, and then I would watch her try to move in on him and instigate a whole situation, just so they could get "closer." I knew what I was doing, and I knew what I saying. I loved him just as much as he loved me, and I still do. I'm gonna stay by him throughout this whole ordeal. I won't leave him. Ever. 1 arrow| hit me with your best shot

That's Just the Way the Story Goes [22 Nov 2004|07:54pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | "Without You" ~ Mariah Carey ] Today after school I went to hospital to see Jason, cuz I figured I'd have more of a chance to have alone time with him during the day. When I first arrived there, no one was in the room (I had talked to his mom earlier, and she was getting her hair done). I tried to talk to him a little bit, but I could tell he was sleeping, so I didn't wanna bother him too much. After sitting around for a minute, his mom walked in, and nearly scared me. It was just her and me, and it was incredibly awkward. She wouldn't say anything despite my many attempts to make conversation. When she started to pull out a book, I was ready to scream. She then looked at me and said, "It's okay to leave if you wanna." I said, "No, I already feel like I don't come here often enough," so I stayed. After a while of awkward silence (which happened a lot during the visit), I finally said, "I feel like you hate me..." She said she didn't, that everything was just really hard. I kept asking her questions and saying things to try to get her to open up to me, but she never really would. I was telling her how people always kinda dismiss my feelings about the whole situation and downplay how close he and I really were. And that's where I lost it. I started crying trying to tell her all that stuff. I just totally broke down. I was a mess trying to talk to her, and then she started crying some, and it was just rough. I was finally able to get some of my pain out. I tried to talk to her more to kinda explain to her why I've been weird when I visit (since the tears never come), and I told her how I wished she and I had been closer before everything happened. We "talked" for a while. It was just kinda strange the way everything happened. I tried to let her get some of her anger at me and everyone else, but I also let her know that I hurt more than anyone can see. We had this weird bonding-thing going on. Hopefully on my next visit we can talk more, and she'll open up a little more. We'll see. This Mariah Carey song really makes me think about Jason a LOT, and how I wish he could come back to me. It talks about my feelings about him being gone, as well as me kinda knowing about some of his internal pain he thought I was oblivious to. ----- No I can't forget this evening Or your face as you were leaving But I guess that's just the way The story goes You always smile but in your eyes Your sorrow shows Yes it shows No I can't forget tomorrow When I think of all my sorrow When I had you there But then I let you go And now it's only fair That I should let you know What you should know I can't live If living is without you I can't live I can't give any more I can't live If living is without you I can't give I can't give any more Well I can't forget this evening Or your face as you were leaving But I guess that's just the way The story goes You always smile but in your eyes Your sorrow shows Yes it shows I can't live If living is without you I can't live I can't give any more I can't live If living is without you I can't live I can't give any more No I I can't live If living is without you I can't live I can't give any more I can't live hit me with your best shot

Nice Surprise [19 Nov 2004|02:37pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] Today we had our little FAMU seminar thing at the Double Tree Hotel across from Universal. It was really fun. There was a group (the FAMU Connection) that put on this big show full of singing and dancing. What was really cool about the day was where I won a surprise scholarship to the school. It's one for $1000 each year I attend the university for 4 years. Dang, I thought I was dead-set on going to FSU, but now I need more time to make up my mind. That was really cool though. They called my name in front of like 700 people, and I had to go up on the stage along with the other 25 or so people. My name was the last name called. It was really cool. XOXO Blake 1 arrow| hit me with your best shot

[08 Nov 2004|03:53pm] I forgot to mention that Allie is a lying, Brady-obsessed bitch (or at least Nicole CLAIMED so), whom Jason ALSO didn't like (after her stupid ass made the mistake of getting caught up in a lie, then SHOVING Jason out of her FYE sanctuary). Christina, I still love you. Everyone acts like, "Jason was my best friend..." ~ Umm, if it weren't for ME, none of these bitches would even KNOW him.... And Jason IS the type of person who would be nice to someone even if he didn't like them -- that was one of his most endearing qualities. How easily people forget that he was my BOYFRIEND. I've heard (and read) how I supposedly made Jason "feel worse about himself"... Yeah right. I gave him more confidence than anyone else could. I made him feel beautiful and special. Go ahead and say "No you didn't" -- untill you could be with just he and I alone, shut the fuck up, cuz yeah, I DID. People say I "contradict" myself since I "already admitting pulling the wheel". I didn't "ADMIT" anything. I went on a guilt trip, and I posted the story that I WAS TOLD. I don't remember what happened, and that's what I've said since DAY ONE. Nicole told me I pulled the wheel, I believed her. I realized that she's not the person I thought she was, and I came to my senses. "I don't agree with how he's handling things..." -- Bitch get a grip. I handle MY shit MY way. I don't need you telling me whether or not I'm handling the situation appropriately. Who the fuck made you queen bitch of all ways to handle grief? YOUR way is not right to me, acting like Jason was your best friend. Who knew him better than ME?! (Maybe a few people, like Amanda, Jessica, and Crystal.) Nicole's a manipulative liar, and she thinks it's all gonna fall on me, but in the end, we'll see who goes down. If Jason could see how she was acting right now, he'd HATE her (more). He would be shocked to see how insane she is. Then again, he always knew. He thought she was insane for loving Londie, who wouldn't even give her the time of day unless she was the only person left in the world. "If he wanted you, he'd be with you." Oh but I'm sure he does! Keep dreaming.... Jason would say, "I feel the same way you do about Londie based on what SHE'S told me, but she thinks you made me think that stuff. Why does she not listen to you, her BEST friend?" Yeah, that's the question I would always ask myself. Like why would she tell Travis the BIGGEST secret I trusted her with? Why did she tell Brad something that wasn't her place to? She's a nosy, greedy, manipulative, can't-hold-water BITCH. Yeah, I said it. It's funny how she has to weave a tall tale to make people side with her, but people just come up to me and say, "Why is Nicole being such a rude bitch? Doesn't she know what's going on ISN'T all about her?!" 41 arrows| hit me with your best shot

All The Memories Just Fade Away [06 Nov 2004|05:52pm] [ mood | enraged ] [ music | "My Happy Ending" ~ Avril Lavigne ] This "I'm gonna post stuff on Blurty that makes me look better that other people" shit is already outta hand. I just wanna say this RIGHT NOW: Jason didn't even LIKE Nicole. Yeah, he hated her, and if no one believes me, ask Crystal or Jessica, his REAL friends. In fact -- NetDrummer06: He said (and quote) "I put up with her because she's Blakes best friend, And I do it because i love him." Dang Nicole, you just don't get that Oprah 6-word phrase "He's just NOT that into you", do you? Jason damn sure wasn't. Jessica also told me how Jason would tell her, "Dang, I don't even like Nicole that much, I just know she likes me, so I talk to her." Amanda is another one of JASON'S FRIENDS (not Courtney or Rae Ann -- whom he never even knew till the night of the accident -- who are NICOLE'S friends) who can attest to his dislike of Nicole. I also know that if it were ME in that coma, the only time Nicole would come see me would be if Jason took her, JUST so she and him could do something TOGETHER. She's so warped like that. And she has the nerve to say COURTNEY likes every guy and wants them to like her?! So am I lying about that now? And on all this "missing Jason" bullshit, Crystal ALSO said -- NetDrummer06: She's acting like she's the only one that's grieving.. / Well if she was your best friend, like she says she is, then she wouldn't have blamed you in the first place. It's like shes trying to save her butt by making herself look like the helpless victim and you look like the heartless villian. That's a bunch of crap... Even I can see that. / I just thought that it was a bunch of bull for her to sit there and talk about how you dont care when shes over there so worried about a car. / she said maybe one sentence about Jason the rest was either downing you or talking about that stupid car. / Oh please. She misses her car. Yeah, I guess I'm still on an "ego-trip" though. Whatever. My windshield is busted and I could be like Nicole and say, "She did it, I KNOW she did" just like I was accused of keying her ever-so-great Grand Am. Fuck that shit. She has issues, especially by trying to make herself look better than me. Jason would also tell me, "Why do you wanna be friends with Courtney after what she did to you with the Drew stuff?" I would say, "I dunno, I just wish we'd be closer and put that behind us..." Boy was I wrong.... She just stops speaking to me for no reason other than that I'm just there. I'm sure Nicole's done weaved everyone this elaborate story about how "Blake and his mom came to my house and started a fight with my parents" (which I have written proof of her saying). That's not true. We came over there to tell my side AFTER HER mother came to MY house and started with MY mom (Yolanda and Heidi were here and were both witnesses to this). Anyways, her mom and I did argue a little bit, which wasn't my intention, and we told our sides and APOLOGIZED. I left the house ON GOOD TERMS. This "fight" shit is not only a lie, but a stupid one. Anyways, I don't care if no one talks to me. I don't need anyone. I walked away from the accident uninjured because God has something in store for me. I'll go on to do great things. I don't need anyone holding me back. Besides, people ALWAYS hear some kinda warped "Nicole's the Victim" story and just drop me without ever knowing what REALLY went on (i.e.: the time I asked Nicole to edit some footage for me and I "inconvenienced" her -- even when she DID do it, guess who had to FORCE her to? yep -- Jason). Fuck that shit. With friends like that, people don't need enemies. As my favorite quote by Oscar Wilde goes, "A true friend stabs you in the front." I'll say. XOXO Blake 1 arrow| hit me with your best shot

Go Blake, It's My Birthday! [03 Nov 2004|05:06pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | "In Da Club" ~ 50 Cent ] YAYYY!!! I'm finally 18!!! Now I can get a cool job, buy cigarettes ( :o\ ), get a credit card, and order stuff off TV. Too bad I couldn't vote though.... Oh well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! :oD 3 arrows| hit me with your best shot

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