Steph's Blurty
 
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Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in Steph's Blurty:

    Sunday, August 3rd, 2003
    10:30 am
    Well its been a few days since ive wrote in here but im not gonna update all of the days. Anyways, my parents are gone for the weekend so im totally free! whoa who! Yet its been raining this whole time which totally sucks ass. Yesterday morning before my parents left mom comes into my room and shes like" so we have some money to blow and that means ive decided that were going to ontario for a week after u get back from the camp" That was a bit of a shocker, even though my mom loves spending money, she still isnt the type to just all of a sudden go spend a few thousand dollars on plane tickets and get up and leave for no reason. Well i suppose theyve been working real hard this summer. What with my getting the new resttaurant and dad and all the travelling for meetings and what nott i guess they deserve it more then anyone at this point. So its gonna be awesome! i get to see adam and shanna who i havent seen since Easter. Thats weird for adam and i cause we never go like more then a month or so without seeing eachother and before they moved we never went like a day without seeing eachother. Im real lucky to have a brother like him, and even more lucky that we get along so well. Hes so awesome and hes always there for me. Really he may be my big brother but hes more like a best friend in my eyes. Now that shannas here, well shes awesome. Shes a female adam, literally, so i got lucky that he found a gurl thats so great! and now theyre getting married! you guys rock! We have other family up there as well that we plan on seeing. i really do want to go but i dont know how im gonnna go two weeks without talking to Nathen. Thats one week at camp, which i really dont want to go to anymore. Just thinking,i love my friends to death, dont get me wrong there, but i know shannon will be all over the guys and she;ll get her heart broken or something and think shes ugly and well il go through that whole ordell with her again. Laura is a sweetie but after a few days with her she can get on ur nerves very easily. Amanda isnt so bad at all, jsut see can be a bit on the hyper side, which i can too but she doesnt know when enough is enough. Ben too will be there but i wont be sharing a cottage with him so it with be different. Hes the only person thats gonna keep me sane. and im jsut praying that kate doesnt go. Since we havent talked in like 7 or 8 months i dont know her plans but i can see anne going and if she goes i can see kate going now. that would ruin everything, even though all of our friends arent really liking her so shed only have anne with her anyways. Poor gurl! Nathen tried to call a couple nights ago, and i woke up to see that he did at 1"41am when i told him tocall, like when he got home. i woke up at 1:51am to see he did so i was real upset that i missed his call. then he called again at 2:05am and i woke up to see that he dad at 2:10am. I just missed him again and i didnt want to call his place cause it would wake up the whole family, and i dont really want them hating me or anything. so that pissed me off and on top of that that Adam guy , not my brother, has been calling even more and like he some how found out stuff about me that nobody knows about, like only me, my brother and shanna, my parents and my best friend, who doesnt even know the guy. Like hes freakin me out and this is obviously stuff that i dont want to people to know. otherwise i wouldnt be freaking out about how he knew it all. LIke so stuff is actul like confidentail court stuff that like my family doesnt even really know details about. and then stuff that happened to me when i was 4, that like no body has to know and for that matter, no one does know, family, me and umm the guy...yeah that guy who caused it all. so like whats with this guy really?! a bit on the freaaky side i must say. anyways im gonna go get decently cleaned up and stuff before the folks get home and illmake them a nice homemade meal. probably brunch so something like french toast and omelettes. they love those! anyways ciao for now!

    Current Mood: anxious
    Current Music: Green Sleeves by Mozart( dont ask why)
    Monday, July 28th, 2003
    5:40 pm
    Todays' just today
    Well today i got a wakeup by my little cousin Jennah and my cousin Kim. We went to the clay cafe cause i promised Jennah id go with her and it was fun. We painted for about 3 hours and it cost me a fourtune. Then i had to go with them to pick up Travis from basketball camp and i saw so many people i knew there that were teaching/coaching. Charlene was there and i mean i havent seen her in well it must be almost 6 or 7 months. It was great seeing her and we exchanged e-mail addresses. Hopefully this time we can keep in touch. Who else was there...umm...oh yeah Chad and Allen were there too. I think were gonna get together sometime this weekend since i wont be going out to the cottage. I was there all weekend and i got to try out our new jet ski. I was out on that for a long time. Must be close to 3 hours at least. I got out far enough that i couldnt see land anywhere around me. I went to some little island in the middle of French lake ithink..well thats where im guessing i was at that point. No body seems to be on the island but there were some broken beers bottles so obviously someone has been there. I stayed there til almost 9pm and then decided it might be a good thing to head back to the cottage. I didnt make it back til almost 11pm and it was so hard finding my way in to shore, at least to the right spot. Usually i look for the water slide we have in the lake but you cant see that in the pitch dark. So i waited until Bill saw/heard me out there and he came out to guide me in. HEs a pretty good neighbor...just a bit drunk too often. Last night i went to go see my aunt in the hospital. She had some sort of surgery, but of course i cant remember what it was called. So tonight im gonna go buy her some flowers cause i noticed she didnt have any. Every person who goes in for surgery/ or even just goes to the hospital needs flowers at some point and time. Tomorrow i have a hair appointment and a doctors appointment (yet again). Urgh, im getting sick and tired of going to the doctors. Im gonna be one and all but still, seems like this guy has no idea what hes doing. Oh well, as long as hes not killing me i guess.
    Well im not hugnry! thats awesome...no food and still not craving any. its been, well not 100% sure how long but im gonna go one more day without it then have a light supper on wednesday....jsut so i dont like pass out or anything. Well i gotta get going, i gotta go to the flower shop. Ciao!

    Current Mood: mellow
    Current Music: "Ironic" by Alanis Morisette
    Friday, July 25th, 2003
    4:05 pm
    Lets rethink things
    yeah so let me rethink things. im not gonna go anorexic mind u ill be on a stricked diet....very stricked! i was just pissed off this morning and didnt think anything else was gonna work. i see other wise now, i talk to a few friends, and yah know they rock! Love yah Sean, Ben and Nathen! U rock my world! i guess i would of never actully gone through with it again, but it worked the first time so i thought it was best.... but im over that now. my life is still pretty shitty at the moment but i mean its gotta get better at some point and time right!? right?! wellyeah of course it will...fingers crossed and all! well that was nice to get out! anyways ciao!

    Current Mood: calm
    Current Music: whats luv?! (ja rule, fat joe & ashanti)
    10:54 am
    Whats the deal!?
    So where to start...well ill start from the latest. So last night i got a call from a really close friends of mines mother. She is in the hospital ( my friend that is) and its because her prik boyfriend beat her to a pulp. She has major head damage and eternal bleeding to the head. Oh yeah, her she basically has no eyes now. Isnt that something grande to have to sleep with in your head. What is this world coming too!?
    Okay and yet again im so depressed it isnt even funny. Ive offically gone anorexic, obviously it ahsnt been long, first day and all. Ive done it before though so i know i can, and all i want is to loose one inch from my waist. Go from 25 inches to 24 inches. Its not that high of a goal. Its reachable and it will be reached. I mean ive tried everything. I was on that weight watchers thing and even eating less points then required but nothing happened. Ive always eaten healthy. I mean i have junkfood maybe once every 2 months and thats like pushing it too. So where exactly have i gone wrong. I exercise like 2 hours a day so i thought that was the problem. I increased it to 4 hours a day but that just built more muscle which means more weight which means "no more exercising!" Well at least not 4 hours a day.
    So ill go anorexic for a month, see what comes from it and if nothing does, well then im not sure where things will go. I admit i have a problem, i mean its obvious i do but thats too damn bad. If this is what i gotta do to look good then so be it. I mean people say im skinny but they need their eyes checked. Since when is 25 inches in a waist line skinny?! Since when is 5'8 at 118 pounds skinny?! Never in my books.
    Im going out to the cottage tomorrow so ill have lots to distract me from food. The main thing now is to just stay busy and away from food as much as possible. After the first week im fine. Its not all that hard. So ill be 4wheelin and jet skiing all weekend which will hopefully put me in a better mood. Fingers are crossed no body notices that im not eating. Its sort of hard though when my hobbie is cooking and i cook all the meals in the house, i cook dessert for every evening, whether its healthy or not. Today is suppose to be strawberry pie. Yummy! Hope they enjoy
    So perhaps on a better topic. Ummm.. Nick dropped off Kia for the next two weeks so im taking care of her. No big deal though cause she is a such a sweetie. Ummm... oh Nathen is back and were gonna get together finally. Hes such a sweetie. A real ladies man, smooth talker and well awesome. I think something might come out between the two of us but we'll just have to wait and see.
    There are a couple other guys who are on my tail...Adam for starters who seems nice but a bit of a stalker. See i dont really know him, or for that matter know who he is. Apparently we go to school together and have some of the same friends but oh well. I guess ill meet him, i mean whats the harm in that right? I doubt anything would ever happen cause he is honestly more the friend type. We have things in common but nothing like what Nathen and i have in common. Plus my brothers name is Adam and that would just be weird just cause Adam, my brother, and i are so close and all. Speaking of that, dont i miss him oh so much. And Shanna, his finacee, as well. What a perfect couple they are gonna make. The wedding isnt until next summer though but thats okay, lots of time for planning and to settle down i guess.
    Next guy, Francis, well first of all the name isnt what i would call one of those screamable names, if u see where im coming from. He seems like a decent guy except that he dated a gurl that im sort of not on good grounds with. Well she thinks we are but weve never really talked since last years graduation. Yeah so if he likes her type her certainly doesnt like my type and it just seems to me that he still has a thing for her and that just wont work out with me by anymeans.
    Denny, well he lives sort of far away, well a little over an hour, which i suppose isnt that far but it would be a bit weird mostly because a close friend of his and i sort of had a thing for eachother and all. Not too much came from it i guess, and not that we thought anything would, but still that would be weird and lately ive noticed that hes drifting anyways. Or it seems that way.
    So i guess my conclusion is that i think Nathen will be the one i hit it off with. Hes pretty much on my mind all the time and no im not a stalker gurl! lol! Hes an awesome guy and well fingers crossed that perhaps hes thinking the same. He says he is but i dont know, gotta wait and see!
    Anyways, ive got other things to do today besides write in this silly journal. Im out!
    Thursday, July 24th, 2003
    3:19 pm
    Whats goin on!?
    Nothings going right anymore. So maybe im a bit obsessed with my weight but big deal, im not hurting anymore but myself. No matter what I do it just gets worse. Yeah so my waist is 25 inches, not like it will ever stay that way. I eat like 800 calories a day, isnt that low enough to lose some more weight?! I thought it was but maybe i should cut it down again to like 600 or even less. I ate junkfood for one day, after not eating it for a long time and I feel liek ive gained 300 pounds and its been a few days. Whats the deal?! Does fate hate more or something!? Im so depressed and I cant see why I cant be skinner and look better. Be better and be happy with who I am. Screw trying to please other people, its all about pleasing myself now and I cant seem to be able to succeed at that. Just like I cant succeed at anything else lately. If in two weeks I dont feel comfortable with myself to a certain extent, ive decided to stop eating. Theres nothing else that can be done, thats it so so be it!

    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: "My block" (remix) Tupac
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