12:38am 14/11/2005
  I can't sleep. My past and present are haunting me. I want to tell everything, get it all out, but I don't trust. My insecurities, my's a viscious cycle. I don't love cause I don't love myself. My life has been un unattainable struggle toward perfection. I will never reach it cause you can't reach perfection. Nothing is perfect.

You can repair what is broken, but the cracks are always there.
Oh, WOW   
09:05pm 21/08/2005
mood: bouncy
music: Hicktown - Jason Aldean
Why are people in this place so fuckin retarded? Like do you not realize you're being used or do you just like that? Why others put up with shit like that is beyond me. Grow up, move on, get outta town!

On a brighter note: flirting with strangers is fun...unless you are the front of the joke.
Grande Pomme Awesome   
03:24pm 14/03/2005
mood: drained
music: Shine On - National Velvet
Havn't written in a while cause I was extremely busy and then just got back from NY. It was a fun time...hotel kinda sucked but it kinda reminded me of 3P...haha wooo.

The 10 hr bus ride over night was killer on the way there, I didn't sleep at all so naturally I felt like shit the first day cause we pretty much did what we wanted right off the bus and couldn't cehck in tot he hotle till alter in the day. We shopped pretty much all that day, had a nap for a few hrs, went to see the Empire State building, headed to CBGBs then went to bed.

Next day, we did the touristy stuff: MOMA, time square...stuff like that. Went down to China town and little Italy, ate at this little Italian restaurant called Fratelli' was amazing I highly recommend.

Day after, we did more shopping, went to the met (had soem street meat for lunch outside), ate at Tom's was good there too, took the ferry to Staten Island and back.

We left the following morning we left to head back home at 9:30. The bus ride home wasn't that bad, it seemed to go by faster than the one there but I was awake the whole time again. The only things I bought in NY were 3 prints, not very excting but oh well. Now I'm dead tired and I've got school work to think about again.

My 8am class was cancelled glad I got a few extra hrs sleep...still need a few more. Thinking about going on the trip again next year if I have the $...I know I didn't get on at the mill for the summer so i won't be making as much as expected this summer but I've always been good at saving, and besides it's not like I'll be doing anything fun with the money this summer...oh how I wish I could find a job that pays well and I wouldn't have to go back to town for the summer.
10:55am 06/03/2005
mood: accomplished
music: Caught Up - Ja Rule feat. Lloyd
I'm almost there...I think I'll be caught up so I won't be stressing too much the next few days. So gonna let loose in New York and I deserve to, I've been working too hard and havn't given myself a break. It's time to enjoy life.

New York City in 3 days...OMG!! Can you say pumped?
Crunch Time   
09:35am 05/03/2005
mood: drained
music: All That I've Got - The Used
I'm heading to New York City in four days...woo hoo the Big Apple here I come...but this also means crunch time for all the homework I need to do. Ive been cooped up in my room forever, I'm starting to go crazy. But things have gotta get done.

Seems like everyone is in London this weekend for Taste of Chaos...would of been fun to go but the whole money/time factor stopped me. Oh well NY makes up for everything.

Oh ya, I made the Dean's list...not a big accomplishment for me, but I'm happy, I guess...marks could still be better for doin nothing but homework all day and all night, everyday of the fricking week!

I'm gonna make it through the weekend, I'm gonna get everything done by wednesday, and I'm gonna have a blast in NY...or at least I can keep telling myself that.
Sleep with one eye open   
09:16am 27/02/2005
mood: bitchy
music: Enter Sandman - Metallica
Damn bastards across the hall woke me up with their music and yelling last night...think its time to invest in some earplugs! Kinda ironic in a way to not be able to sleep because of songs like Enter Sandman...sleep with one eye luck I'll be on the same floor with the same people next year.

WEll, now that I'm up...still tired as hell...might as well get to the hw that still has to be all puts me in a good mood.
01:11pm 26/02/2005
mood: tired
music: Work - Jimmy Eat World
Homework all day!
I'm so tired, but it must be one more full day to work on everything...must get ahead

NY in 11 days!
04:29pm 24/02/2005
mood: surprised
music: This Love - Maroon 5
Well I went home for 4 days and it was better than I thought. Monday was my testing like I said, tuesday was my dentist appointment...everythings good on that end looks like my wisdom teeth will come in properly and and won't have to get them removed *fingers crossed*...wednesday was my interview, or so I thought. I was up at like 7 that morning...couldn't sleep, think I was a little dressed up (something I completely hate....whats the point of dressing up for a job that ur gonna wear jeans and a tshirt anyways...ya ya I know good first impression) when I got there I was told my interview was today...hello, someone gave me the wrong info...o well btter being a day early than a day late...apparently the same thing happened to my brother when he went for the same job...weird!

So I went out to breakfast with my grandma a little earlier than planned on wednesday. Then I met up with Rosie and we hung out all day. Went to visit the high old teachers were happy to see art teacher introduced me to his grade 9 class (I so didn't want that, they all looked at me like she's old enough to be a graduate from this place). Ran into a guy I've known fr a bit from school...I really don't know him that well but the way he greated me you'd think we were really close friends that hadn't seen each other in year. He gave me this huge hug...the kind that picks you up in the process....and then made my hug him and put my head on his chest....I was a little wierded out. Hit GT, and KFC with Rosie, went back to my place and played around there till we drove her to the turnoff to meet her dad.

Interview went pretty well today. Come home, changed and got in the car to drive back to Res with dad. Unpacked all my food and clothes and now I have to get into all the hw I have to finish by monday...good thing its still quiet around here...maybe I'll get it all done quickly.

Went to my
busy week   
03:57pm 22/02/2005
music: Little Sister - Queens of the Stoneage
Made it thru the boring few nights at res...found a dead Don Cherry lol theres a conncetion story to that but it would take me to long to tell it.

The ride home with aunt may and uncle ron was fun...never met a pair of mid agers that watch the same shows I we had a lot to discuss.

Did my testing yesterday...9AM, 50 questions, 12 mins....ya whats with that. anyways don't think i did that bad...the test doesn't matter anyways so no threat. Today I went to Sagamok...gotta love that the dentist is on the reserve. Did errands with mom. Tomorrow I have my interivew...wish me luck, then im going to lunch with nan and ive gotta go visit some people at the old high school...haha woo fun. Then its back to res and the loads of homework I still have to do before monday.
05:31pm 18/02/2005
mood: bored
music: Single - Kalan Porter
Well let's's friday, everyone is gone home already for reading week and I'm stuck here till sunday with little to nothing worth while or interesting to do. One of the guys messaged me and and told me to get smashed...ya that's all fine and dandy if you have booze or the money for it...sorry if I don't feel like spending my NY shopping money on something that I will piss out like an hr later...Hey, but I'm in if you're buying...ya I didn't think so.

So looks like I'm gonna sit here for 2 days and twiddle my thumbs. I could pack to go home but that will take up about 5 mins. Finish cleaning...that should take about an hr homework, ok that will take up a big chunck of time and then ill be ahead and will be bored out of my mind for a week after....ive gotta save something to do for when I go back to craptown.

Oh the life of a single student with no money...
Reading week   
10:49pm 17/02/2005
mood: annoyed
music: Everybody's Got A Story - Amanda Marshal
Havn't wrote in a few day...been busy with assignments...story of my life, but the work's paying off I"m doing real well again this semester.

I'm going home on aunt and uncle are picking me up on their way back to town. Only spending four days back there but thats good enough for me.

The weather here has been reak crazy...freezing rain, white out conditions...and people thought winter was almost over, guess they were wrong.

My room is filling with the smell of cologne...the vent system carries everything...u can tell when people are smoking in their rooms and when the guys are getting ready to go to the lovely

My roomate is back...if you include tonight, she has spent 2 nights here in the last 2 weeks...she always seems to come back long enough to make a mess, drink my milk/bum food, and empty out my gumball machine. She better clean up her mess in the kitchen b4 she goes to bed cause i will loose it if she doesn't...specially if she doesn't do it and just goes home. It's reading week so if she doesn't do it it will smell real good in here when we get back, so i'll end up cleaning it as usual and that makes me mad.
Um, Ya   
07:53pm 15/02/2005
mood: good
music: Unblievable - EMF
Well yet another day without communications...the class is a joke anyways but it just erks me to wake up and go to class at 8 and the profs not there, again. O well had time to finish up some other things.

My cadd prof tried to tell me that I make more work for myself drawing out everything and then changing the layers...pretty sure I drew my plan up as fast as everyone else if not faster so ya I'll continue doing what works for me...she knows shit!

Well looks like RSC is a complete joke for next year, but all the best to ya guys...I wouldn't have the time...hopefully I can have some un at your expense...I'll volunteer to be a wing rep or nominate myslef if someone drops a position/doesn't get in next's to next years RSC made up of 3rd floor, cause 3rd rules.

Looks like I'm heading home on sunda later thaan expected...hitching a ride with 'Mr. Frenzky' and his wife instead of Patty coming to get me.

Patty saved me a piece of his chocolate cake from valentine's...awwww he's so sweet
Freezing Rain   
12:01pm 14/02/2005
mood: sleepy
music: Rainy Days - Mary J. Blige
Had one class today, other two cancelled. All my profs commute into work and freezing rain has made everything very icy. Once of the girls in my class took a spill. Now I've got time to work on projects and assignments.

Did some more shopping yesterday..don't really have the money to spend on clothes but theres some good deals this time of year...picked up a sweatshirt for $ I'm so proud...I'm not cheap, I'm a student.

still trying to work things out so i can get together with nikki and george over study week
bask to espo in 6 days
23 days till NY
Little fuckers   
08:39am 13/02/2005
mood: bitchy
music: 24 hours - Alexz Johnson
All I wanted to do last night was sleep...but no the bastards from my floor were pounding on my door just to piss me off, and I'm gonna find out which one of those little fuckers is responsible for the mess under my door...I have enough work cleaning up after my roomate I don't need to clean up after them cause they'r drunk asses!

I like to go out and party like the rest of them but my weeks are so busy that when I finally get a break all I want to do is veg...the little fuckers don't invite me out any other time, only when they know I can't or don't want to go out...they just like to piss me off.

I'm feeling a little competetive...I think I'm gonna run against one of them for next years RSC...they said it themself next years RSC is gonna be a joke so why not.

I've got hw and laundry to do all day today, and then I'm gonna hunt down the person that made the mess.
Cat lady   
09:39am 12/02/2005
mood: chipper
music: Life Less Ordinary - Carbon Leaf
Well last night wasn't a total bust. One of the first friday nights in a while that I didn't have to spend doing piles of homework...but noone was around. Never fails, the minute I have nothing to do everyone is gone home but if I would of had tons to do everyone would be partying and bugging me. I was sitting there bored as hell and it was only like 5. I was talking to my mom on msn and she was trying to suggest things for me to do...they were all things that are only fun when u do them with someone else...then Tracey invited me over. So I went over to her place...she has three cats and she smokes so I'm surprised I could breath when I left (I'm a little stuffed up this morning) we had pizza and she drove me home at like 11:30...not totally exciting but at least i didn't sit here alone all night.

Today I'm gonna do a little laundry, and maybe a little homework...I'm spose to go shopping with Indy today sometime, I need to get me some good walking shoes for New York and maybe a new pair of jeans and something to co to the bars/clubbing...ya I'm not one to dress up but I definately need something a little more dressy for those occasions that come up every once and a while, would be nice to have something to wear for my interview next week.

A couple people have birthdays today so HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ya'll
I don't know why   
12:25pm 11/02/2005
mood: energetic
music: Obsession (No Es Amour) - Frankie J. ft. Baby Bash
Mom seems to be enjoying her new job...she seems to be in love with Jag but can't pay him any attention when he's working. Sounds like she still has a lot to learn. All the luck with that.

I'm happy right now...I've kept up with the mounds of hw that have been thrown at me...I actually think I'm ahead right now which is good cause less stress is always best. We are starting to really get into the OBC witht his project we are doing this semester. The binder is 3" thick and weighs a ton! So far I'm enjoying the project.

One more week left till study week. I'll be heading home on the Sunday and coming home on thursday. Four days at home...thats just perfect, I have something everyday which is the only reason I'm going home...testing at the mill on monday, dentist appointment tues, and interview at the mill on wed. It would be nice to get together with people from town but I know that won't happen concidering like noones talked to me since grad.

NY is getting closer and closer...only 26 days left, I'm soooooo excited. It's gonna be a blast! Theres a dog sledding trip that weekend too..sounds like fun but NY is even better, haha and theres always next year. I wish I was gonna be here over the summer, there's a kayaking trip and I really want to go...but I'll be back in espo working my ass off all summer...where's the fun in that?

Not sure what I'm doing this weekend, think I might just relax since I have the time...maybe do some shopping. Campus crew is having a closing out sale...if only I could find a ride out there.
Ya...what a day   
08:27pm 09/02/2005
mood: devious
music: Proud Marie - Tina Turner
Well Glenda stopped by quickly last night and dropped off soem food and stuff from home. She had planned on visiting for a couple hours and taking me shopping but she had to stop and go cause she was running late and now kristies plane was coming in like 2 hrs early...but it was nice to see her.

So today I had a meeting for the NY trip but it was at the very beginning of my only class today...and aaaa we we having a test. I didn't think the meeting would be long so I wen to the meeting and when I showed up tot he class with the other 2 girls to write the test the prof walked us out of the room and started to tell us that seh couldn't write a new test for us....we were like y can't we write this one now and shes all u only have 30 mins left...I wanted to say okay, so shut up and give us the test or we will ahve even less time...she gave us the big "I don't like when students put non curricular activities before their academic studies" speech. Ya, pretty sure I'm paying good money to be here so if I want to go to a meeting about a trip that I'm going on then I will. Anyways I wrote the test and got like 46%...but so did half the class and they had full time to write it...I don't give a fuck its only 15% the class is a joke anyways. Oh and I assured her that we wouldn't be missing her class when we are gone...wouldn't want to make her mad again.

Now that my friends is how you piss off a prof.
07:02pm 08/02/2005
mood: aggravated
music: Man From Milwaukee - Hanson
Nets fucked...keeping this short

Class profs are stupid

Glendas stop'in in on her way back to TO...shes bringing me a few things from home :)
01:36pm 07/02/2005
  So here's the scoop...internet was down almost all weekend...fucking GConnect neevr works. Apparnetly there's a virus running rampid thru the system...Oh great! So I couldn't do any of my research this weekend cause I had no access and I can't seem to log into the computers in the library either...I was in need of missing measurements for a project due this morning and couldn't get them cause again no internet. I lost the class list of phone numbers and everyone that I knew was gone so I was screwed. Went to class early this morning...and it was early cause I had class from 8-3 but the classroom was locked. I worked on the project in first class and continued into the class it was due in and thank god I got it done and it wasn't late now I just gotta get my ass back to the 'first class' to draw out the ceiling plan but that eihter involves laying on my back in the middle of the floor and staring up or tilting my head back as I wait till theres less people in there before I start...I've got till next monday *rolls eyes*.

Cleaned the kitchen this weekend real well...only thing I didn't do was the floor. Found the root to our fruit fly roomy left some fruit of vegetables or something in a bag with some canned's onlt been sitting in there for a few months now, no biggy...EWWWW!
10:19am 04/02/2005
mood: complacent
music: Everybody Wants Some!! - Van Halen
Sorry for the inconvienience but the internet is not working...ya like we havn't heard that before.We have been having problems witht he internet here in rez once again and with only on IT guy it takes forever for them to fix it. We pay $100 a semester for this crap ass internet never works! Well it's back now and hopefully it will stay and function properly cause I've got lots to do.

My to do list for this weekend is monsterous. So I'm gonna keep this fairly short even though I didn't write yesterday but then nothing new really happened yesterday except that my mom got a new job :) and the OC was on...oh ya they're getting into the lesbian action lol.

Don't have class till 1 today so I'm gonna sit around and maybe do a little bit of hw till then. Think I'm gonna go shopping after some more hw...find something to do tonight. The rest of the weekend will be spent doing hw...yup nothing new, that's my, sleep and homework.

Last night was mardi gras at the pub...crazy drunk people eveywhere last night...fuckers...heard them all rowdy at like 3:30 this morning.

Two weeks then study week...going home for a few days, hoping to get together with a friend I havn't seen in like a year that week as well...hopefully it will be fun but I have a feeling the fun part won't be spent back home.

32 days till NY