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Keri Russell-McNally's Blurty

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2003.10.26  11.17



I forgot to change the clocks when I finally went to sleep last night. *looks around* oops.
I don't think anyone noticed, considering it's just me, the baby and the pets. *laughs* This house is entirely too quiet...and emptying out.

What exactly am I going to do with the empty recording studio downstairs? I don't sing.

I was looking at the calendar this morning as I was changing the clocks. It's time again for me to make that list of New Year's resolutions. Samhain is Friday.

For those who are reading this entry and are totally confused, Samhain is the Wiccan new year. As Scott Cunningham wrote in his book Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner, Samhain is the day when Wiccans say farewell to the God, until Yule (around Dec. 21) when he is reborn....and okay that was a lot more than I intended to say.

 
 

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  2003.10.24  15.11



I feel a need to update....but I'm not even sure where to start or why I even want to. *shakes her head*

Christian went with me to see Tony's show...and that was actually pretty cool. It was really nice to just hang out with Christian for a while...haven't done that in a long time, it seems...and not just by myself. John's a very lucky man. *smiles* He's got one of the sweetest guys I know, and they're very much in love..

It felt kind of odd to be sitting in a club watching Tony perform, not just because it's been a long time since I've done that, but also because I didn't have Isabella with me. the whole time I was driving to the club I was questioning myself...why was I doing it? my family was at the house, and things weren't the best between Tony and I the last time I did watch him perform. It was a great show though, and Christian was great company. *grin* he usually is. We weren't able to get to see him after the show, but I left him a note saying hi and all that good stuff.

I'd write more, but Ste's putting Isabella down for a nap.... I can hear her moving around and whimpering and he's talking with her and ...and I can hear Ste talking with her. I miss that....it's still one of the best things in the world, watching them interact and bond. I'm fighting with myself to not go upstairs and watch. *smiles*

Justin and Kelly, congratulations...and good luck. *smiles* I know you guys will be happy together.

Okay, I'm going to end this, or I could probably go on forever babbling.... I love you guys. Lots.



Mood: thoughtful
 
 

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  2003.10.22  13.16



I'm letting go, at least I'm trying. I'm trying to look at this as the end of part of my life, so that another part can begin... *sighs a little* I'm going to be okay, and he'll be there for Bella, so I know she's going to be okay.

The Power of Goodbye )

I need to pick up the pieces and move on...Ste's in the process of getting his stuff packed up, and I'm actually waiting for some film to be developed, Isabella and I are killing time at Starbucks. I figured it might be easier for him to pack if he didn't have to worry about Isabella.

I think if we can get things worked out, I'm going to visit some friends in New York.

I'll be in Hollywood tonight for Tony Lucca's last west coast show...I'm hearing rumors that he's going to be moving to New York at the end of the month, and I've missed being around him and listening to him sing....so that's what I'm going to do. Show's at 11, at Hotel Cafe in Hollywood, if anyone wants to go with me, give me a call, I have my cell phone and I will all night.



Mood: contemplative
 
 

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  2003.10.18  12.05



I never thought it'd end this way, I didn't want to walk away from my marriage. I wanted everything to work out and I wish things were different, but it’s really over.

There's so many things that aren't going to happen now....So many things he's going to miss...I came back home to try to make things work, but I couldn't handle the distance between us. So I told him maybe it would be better for all of us if we admitted that our marriage wasn't working and moved on, but I didn’t know how much it was going to hurt.

There’s so many things that I don’t understand… but maybe in time, I’ll figure things out.

Mom was supposed to pick Isabella up this morning and watch her this weekend, but I decided that I wanted her with me, so I’m in my parents’ guest room with Isabella.

I should probably change my journal around...



Mood: numb
 
 

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  2003.10.13  21.04



Rose and Tony...congratulations!

 
 

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  2003.10.09  18.39



I haven't been as social as I'd like quite yet, although that's changing. I've really enjoyed being with everyone, and I love seeing my friends happy.

I got to meet Jude yesterday, and Iris. She's a doll. It was clear that she'd had abusy day as she curled up in his arms while we were talking and then fell asleep once we got out of the hallway.

*smiles* I have to say thank you to Nat. I really appreciate that you were willing to watch Bella yesterday so I could get out by myself for a bit. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about how squirmy she can be when she gets in the water... I hadn't expected that you'd end up giving her a bath. Thank you.

As I posted last night, I have something special I'd like to do for the bride, and I need help. *grin*

It's been great to see everyone happy. Love and JD are so cute together. I'm really happy for you guys and I hope you'll always be happy.



Mood: happy
 
 

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  2003.10.08  23.55
A message to all of the girls involved in the wedding...


I have some ideas for a surprise for Love...something we could all do..and I wanted your opinions... and if you guys liked the ideas, I'd need your help to pull it off. so... call me/IM me/find me before Friday night.

For those of you who may not for some reason know..my AIM is misskrussell.

 
 

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  2003.10.06  18.12
Time flies...


My little girl is a month old today. I hadn't realized just how that would make me feel...but I don't think I can even begin to describe what I'm feeling right now. I'm holding Isabella and typing with one hand...I haven't wanted to let her go today for some reason.

She had a check-up today...measurements, shots all that fun stuff... and that "fun" was supposed to be sarcastic. The doctor says she's doing all right, a little smaller than other babies her age, but she'll catch up. I hope so. I had trouble today at her appointment.. I've always hated shots...seeing them, getting them, being around needles in general. So, seeing them poking Isabella with needles was upsetting. If things had been different, I probably would have had to leave the room. I was more upset by the shots than Isabella was...

Oh, Jude, you were right the other day about Isabella's ears. She's got a little ear infection and I've got drops to give her... thank you for the advice on how to help her calm down. It's really helped.

We'll be at Love and JD's wedding this week and after that, I'm not really sure. Maybe we'll go see my parents for a little while, then...I don't know. I'm contemplating a trip to get away from things, but I have no idea.

Thank you all for everything lately, especially Jude and Nat, Love and Mia. *smiles* I love you guys.



Mood: contemplative
 
 

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  2003.09.30  20.08



I haven't exactly been on the ball in the last couple of days, otherwise I would have done this sooner. So, HAPPY Birthday Lacey!!!!

 
 

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  2003.09.28  14.33



*sits in the middle of the floor in the living room with the computer and looks around with a sad eye*

I think...I need to hide under a rock. Take Isabella away and never let her know that a person can hurt so much...I know that's not possible, but it's a nice thought. Insane, but comforting all the same.

Yeah..whatever. I'll elaborate later, when I can feel again.



Mood: crushed
Music: Isabella's restless movements
 
 

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  2003.09.24  15.31



Happy birthday, Marieh!

 
 

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  2003.09.22  21.17



Okay. Little freaked out. *shakes her head* I Never should have decided to watch "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle." oh my god. Talk about a creepy ass movie. Shit. *looks around*

I'm never hiring a nanny for Isabella. eeek.



Mood: creeped out.
Music: The Hand That Rocks the Cradle on TV
 
 

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  2003.09.19  16.06



Ste, read this )

 
 

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  2003.09.16  11.33



Happy Birthday, Alexis!

 
 

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  2003.09.10  18.56



Congratulations, Rose and Tony! I know that today's been in the works for you two for a while, and despite all the shit you guys have gone through, you did it! I know that you'll be happy for the rest of your lives. You deserve this, and I know you're going to have a happy marriage. Congratulations, and good luck guys. You know I'm here if you ever need me. Enjoy the honeymoon!

We brought Isabella home today, and she's been sleeping for most of the day, but she did wake up for a little while when we walked through the house....*smiles*

The last few days have been full of changes and I've been really emotional. I know that things will be different in the future, that things have already changed, that I've already changed, and I hope that I'm as good of a mother for my little girl as my mother was for me. I know that I'm going to do my best to be everything she needs me to be.

and with that, I leave you.



Mood: content
 
 

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  2003.09.08  16.30



I've been keeping a secret for the last couple of days, Ste and I both have. But, I'm going to let everyone in on the secret, even if I've enjoyed us keeping it pretty much to ourselves. I think it's time...

*takes a deep breath and looks around her*

Isabella Grace McNally was born around 3 am on Saturday morning. She weighed 4 lbs. 7 oz, and was 17 inches tall. She's got big hazel eyes and I think she's absolutely gorgeous. *grin* I'm just a little biased, I think.

The doctor told me this morning that we'll be able to bring her home on Wednesday. I can't wait! It's been killing me to leave her at the hospital when we've left at night.... *sighs* soon that'll change though.

Christian, thank you. You know what I'm thanking you for, and it really means a lot to me. I know how hard it had to have been. If there's anything I can do, let me know. *smiles*



Mood: happy
 
 

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  2003.09.07  12.30



Happy birthday Shannon Elizabeth! *grin* I hope you have a great day.

As Ste said, Gizmo got himself stuck between two walls earlier, and I have no idea how it happened.....and I hope it doesn't happen again, because it was a pain in the ass to get him out and I don't like it when he hurts himself. *laughs quietly*

I've had the opportunity to meet and talk with some of the new people in the last couple of days and I think everyone should go say hi and introduce themselves to Amy Lee. she's a cool person to talk to. Go. Do it now. Talk to her. *grin* I talked with Jude Law for a little while the other day too, and I enjoyed that. He's definitely easy to talk to, so again, Go. Introduce yourselves, talk to him. If he's online, do it now. Welcome Sarah back too. I know I"m not the only one who missed having her around. I haven't spoken with Karolina yet, but I hope to soon. I haven't had a chance yet, but welcome her too! *nods* do it.

As for the news that Ste hinted about in his entry, I'm going to stay quiet about it for a little while longer. I kind of like keeping it to myself. But I'll tell soon.

Have a great day everybody!



Mood: hopeful
 
 

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  2003.09.06  22.11



I know this is late...but Happy 23rd birthday, Kerry! I hope you had a great day.

 
 

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  2003.09.05  14.05



Happy birthday Rose!

 
 

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  2003.08.31  12.13



Happy birthday Craig!

 
 

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  2003.08.30  23.38



I haven't done a good substantial update in a while, it's all been babble. I'm getting really good at that, which could be a bad thing. I'm going to try now for a good update with actual substance.. I have a feeling it'll be short, but here goes...

I'm going to state something you all know. *Ste's home!!! grin* Why am I stating this? Simply because I can.

My mom and sister went home a couple of days ago, so now it's just Ste and I and Sally and Gizmo, and that's the way I like it. Things are relatively calm here, and it's nice.

I hope everyone is doing well and is healthy and happy, and yeah.

 
 

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  2003.08.24  23.34



Alexis...I didn't mean to disappear like I did. My AIM froze up on me and then it took me forever to get back online.. Give me a call sometime and we can talk more..hopefully without so many interruptions.



Mood: frustrated
 
 

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  2003.08.22  23.59



Happy birthday Julian!

 
 

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  2003.08.19  23.48



I'm sitting here listening to Vanessa Carlton play her piano and sing her songs on repeat in the CD player...and trying to slow down the thoughts in my head to figure out exactly what it is that I need to focus on tonight. Unfortunately, it seems like it's not going to happen.

*takes a deep breath and taps the mousepad of the computer, looking out the door to the balcony* It's been five months since I got married...and I've been thinking about how quickly and completely things have changed...I know what I've said in the past about not working and being happy..or being able to not work and still be happy. Right now, I'm not so sure about that.

I don't know why I'm posting this now, I really should be writing it elsewhere, I'm sure. Oh well. Not quite too late, but I'm not taking it down.

I'm very happy. I don't want anyone thinking that I'm not. I love my life, I love the people in it, I don't know what I'd do without you guys and everyone else in my life. I'm just...restless, I think.

This song somehow fits my mood. I don't exactly know what it is that's drawing me to the song. Maybe the piano...maybe that this song is the angriest I've heard Vanessa Carlton sound. Who knows.

Anyway...I'm just babbling. I'm done.



Mood: indescribable
Music: Wanted~ Vanessa Carlton
 
 

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  2003.08.14  14.19



Happy Birthday Mila!! I hope you have a wonderful day.

 
 

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