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Blurty for Philosophy In A Tea Cup.
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| Friday, March 19th, 2004 |
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if i had liquor and no parents, i'd so be drunk right now. i'd be up in my room lighting candles listening to thursday alcohol in one hand paintbrush or soemthing in another spread eagle on the bed thursday blasting on my stereo ....... i want to start painting if anyone feels extremely generous would you chip in some money so i can buy some art supplies? i wanna be good at something better explore all my options i wish it would rain i wish i wasnt alone i wish someone else was here to keep me company i remember that one time a few days ago we were in the library for anthro and michelle was talking about how some of her friends think that they desperately need boyfriends i didnt say anything its not relaly a boyfriend that i need i need someone constant in my life someone who'd love me as much as i'd love them my plan seems to be failing i'm not good enough i'm not strong enough i'm not the right one i'm not going to suceed i'm going to keep trying and keep failing and keep getting my heart crushed and keep tripping over my lagging hope that i drag around like a broken leg its as if i'm on crutches sometimes, i dont need anyones help other times, i need to sit down and be by myself then i need to sit down with friends and then other times, i need my friends more than i need the crutches or are my friends the crutches? its sad when i say that some of my best friends are inanimate like my hoodie or my bed etc i need a cello and some paintbrushes and a pottery thingey and some company..... i would very much like a lap i could crawl into now and fall asleep why am i so much more alone tonight that other nights? |
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if i could only choose one cd to take with me to my afterlife it would most definitely be Thursday this cd is already getting skips from overplay i love it that much i'm working on memorizing everything on it i highly suggest you buy this cd whoever you are or aren't..... |
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blerrrrg.... i feel so bloated... "oooo sexy!" wow i love excel saga omg i could watch it again and again and again and again i just wish everyone else loved it as much as i do ..... anyways ..... bianka seems to be secretly mad at me about how i tend to laugh at her misfortune and about all that i said on the way to the LGI about how i said i was sorry but i really wasnt and how i said that i really wasnt ...... i wish i could call eric but i dont know if he's still grounded or whatnot i think i should invite bianka over but i dont know what we'd do since she's given up the playstation so she cant help me with ffiv and we cant watch any dvd's or anything and its not like we could go to the mall because even if her parents arent there she cant have a social life at all how agitating. speaking of a social life..... i have none. well, i mean, its better that some ppls but still. i know i'm being redundant, but still. it would be nice to be able to make all these friends like danielle makes but i'm too shy i mean, hell, danielle is friends with chris whats that mean, though? is it possible for...... no i should stop raising my hopes i hate doing that because i know that it does nothing but hurt when nothing follows the plan i have a free day tomorrow that means i can go out and do anything with anyone but no one wants to do anything with me which kinda really hurts i feel like going to swayze's i've only been once and it was so much fun i want to go and meet new people and maybe actually grab the hot guy in the mosh pit's ass and smirk at julia and the rest of her posse of poser whores and say hi to kathryn medina and participate and stop being so goddamn shy! but no one wants to go with me no one remembers that jessica is a person too and its because i'm so fucking shy.... its kinda scary knowing that i'm in high school now things are different i have to come out of my shell i can't hide under my hoodie from everything these days people getting pregnant people in fights people cutting themselves people doing drugs people trying to committ suicide and those are just my friends. i mean, bianka is safe, but she's too safe. she's too mature. she's really a Senior maturity wise and i'm still stuck as a Freshman its like i'm glued to the wall while half my friends walk out one exit and the others walk out of the one on the opposite side the glue isnt really that sticky anymore but then theres that fire under my feet that yells at me i have to choose which way to go and i dont know why i just can't go straight why i can't grab that jackhammer and dig my own way out and still keep those close to me.... why do i have to be the way i am? i probably think to much at school, i'm very social and usually very happy but at home, its like i'm a completely different person i wonder why i think sometimes i take things overboard and i feel really bad about it but i just cant stop myself i never learned how no one ever taught me to control these emotions no one told me how to keep things inside and how to treat other people with respect i mean, dont get me wrong i follow that golden rule i'm not that mean but i always take it out on whoever's closest by and they dont want that they dont need that they only want me there for their amusement because they really dont care they really dont care about me just my "exoskeleton" haha that reminds me of that one episode of futurama where dr. ziodberg molted his shell and needed a new one its funny really i wish my journal was like danielle's and people would actually read it and post and write in their own for me to read and that every single entry would have at least one comment from a friend she knows that people will read her journal and care too in fact so many people read her journal that she had to make it friends only and still, she gets so many replies damnit. i have this huge fucking zit on my face, and it wont go away. i wish my skin was flawless..... so, uh, yeah, as i was saying before i went off on a tangent (w00t geometry, 100, 000 pnts for me), i'm free saturday someone, take me somewhere 678 797 1797 |
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haha thats a lie, of course i care its impossible for me to not care..... If I were a month, I'd be: September. Bianka's birthday, and the weather is perfect. If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Saturday, you can never have enough If I were a time of day, I'd be: seven in the morning If I were a planet, I'd be: revolving around the sun If I were a sea animal, I?d be a(n): sea otter If I were a direction, I'd be: lost. If I were a piece of furniture I?d be a: roly chair. If I were a sin, I'd be: uh, lust? If I were a historical figure, I'd be: Queen Elizabeth! If I were a liquid, I'd be: a Smoothie If I were a tree, I'd be: firewood. If I were a bird, I'd be: one of those little teeny brown ones, the brown thrasher, right? If I were a tool, I'd be: a nail If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: ivy If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: partly cloudy If I were a mythical creature, I'd be: Well, i'm not that educated in my mythical creatures....so i dont know...prolly something obvious like a pixie or something If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: alto saxophone or a cello If I were an animal, I'd be: a flying squirrel If I were a color, I'd be: purple If I were an emotion, I'd be: .........andy says it seems like i'm depressed, and angry at life, and emily says i'm too moody. If I were a vegetable, I'd be: asparagus If I were a sound, I'd be: leaves rustling in the wind If I were an element: water If I were a car, I'd be: Jeep Wrangler. Top on, top off. Not everyone likes them, and they're pretty ugly.... If I were a song, I'd be: Painted Black by Vanessa Carlton If I were a movie, I'd be: The Nightmare Before Christmas If I were a book, I'd be: my personal botebook journal thing If I were a food, I'd be: strawberry cheesecake If I were a place, I'd be: SMoothie King If I were a material, I'd be: cotton If I were a taste, I'd be: winterfresh If I were a scent, I'd be: laundry If I were a religion, I'd be: ........ If I were a word, I'd be: moody If I were an object, I'd be: arm socks If I were a body part, I'd be: toes If I were a facial expression, I'd be: a smirk If I were a subject in school, I'd be: emily says Lit, but i really dunno. I was thinking like, art or psychology or lunch, or something If I were a cartoon character, I'd be: Jimmy Neutron If I were a shape, I'd be: a circle If I were a number, I'd be: 14 school was pretty lame today. got to school early, duh. spanish, lame, duh. lit. was ok. myth. projects ch. 1 sucked ch. 3 was pretty good lunch was....weird. and embarrasing......o.o band was gay i missed eric biology test crashed burned died anthro boring drew self portrait geometry quiz bad home lame bored blah -jajajajajajajajajaja................ |
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| Thursday, March 18th, 2004 |
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ranted real good this morning to eric. b-rob asked me something, but i didnt hear i just shrugged. watched man of la mancha. i love that movie. i'm such a liar. and a hypocrite. lit. was gay sub lunch was fun i had fun i hope i wasnt the only one band was gay i like the song tho biology was gay mrs gray said i did well on the practical tho anthro was excrutiatingly horrible test fucked it up bad geometry was boring tornado drill came home typed and typed and typed lonely cold gloomy theres this cloud over my head it wont go away |
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do you hear the jet plane yawning miles across the sky? do you hear the garbage truck back down the boulevard, setting off the car alarms as it passes by? do you hear the static of one thousand detuned radios? shut the window, love. keep the world outside. I don't want to think about anyone but the footsteps are getting louder, drowning out the sound of the rain, as it knocks on the windowsill. I'm not answering the phone -- let it ring. lately I've been feeling like a falling bomb. the ground is getting closer and the sky is falling down. this song has been brough to you by a falling bomb. |
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yeah, anthro really sucked. i had no fucking idea what the essay was about, so i didnt write one... i did, however, write this long long rant: I am so dead. I have no earthly idea what this essay is about. I thought we would receive the topic today, but no. We were supposed to have already known, and I didn't, so I'm currently trying to make it look like I'm writing a real essay. What am I going to do? I signed that Honor Code, so I can't speak to anyone to ask what its about. I'm the worst student in the world. Not to mention I completely screw up on the fill-in-the-blanks section of the test. I know nothing. I'm so stupid. I want to shoot myself in the head for taking this class! Why did Mrs. Dawson sign me up for this class? Why didn't I just say, "I'd rather be put in Honors," or just apply for Campbell? God, I'm a stupid idiot! If only I had done this class correctly from the beginning. If only I hadn't gone through "depression". That period in my life completely screwed me up. I really can't stand myself at times. Why can't I be more like Michelle? She's absolutely perfect. She's so intelligent. She gets excellent grades. She does all her work. She's good at everything she tries. Instead, I'm Jessica Sfintu. Atheist, slacker, ignorant, failure, talentless, blah blah blah, the list goes on and on. It makes me want to die, right now. I wish my heart just stopped right now and then I'd be dead, for like, a minute, but then my heart would start again, and I'd be in coma for a year, and then I'd wake up and I wouldn't remember anything. I wish I could erase all my memories and be like Colin from Everwood. Great show, I should start watching it again. Why do I need this class anyways? If that premonition I had about myself is true, then I don't even need any of these classes! I'm going to work in broadcasting. I'm not going to study dead people and rocks my whole life. Hugo's right. History = Dead People + Rocks And why is there this big tear in my paper? Good job, Anna, give me ripped paper. [Right now, I'm referring to the big tear in the corner of my paper.] I look around the room and everyone else is hard @ work, and then there's me. I hope it looks like I'm working hard on what I'm supposed to be doing, because I'm not. What have I done? I've ruined everything. If only I took this class last year, then I would have done something. I would @ least have a C in this class. What happened psychologically to make me the way I am now?! Hmm, maybe I should take psychology and not bad mouth it because I hate my therapist so much. My therapist, oy vey. I hate that woman. I wish she never existed. Scratch that, I wish I never existed. Oh no...........we're supposed to be getting something out so Mrs. Carley can come around and check it. Naturally, I don't have it!! This really sucks. She just came to me, not even expecting anything. Just a silent acceptance that I'm a slacker. I'm good for NOTHING. *sigh* Another dagger plunged into my heart. What would Jesus do? Jesus wasn't troubled by these thing; he had much greater problems to bear, such as our sin. Does he bear my sin? For all those times I've sinned, is it another wound to Jesus? Oy vey, I'm going to Hell. Dr. Lynch is so scary. His malicious eyes scrutinizing every little thing we do; his retentive mind soaking every piece of knowledge in like a sponge. I was terrified the day that he spoke to me one-on-one. I vowed to myself that I would from then on be a good student. What happened to that vow?! Why do I do this?! WHATS HAPPENED TO ME?! Why did I used to be one of the top students, and now Taylor Lively is smarter than I! I need help, will anyone here this silent plea? I think not. Well, I hope God's happy. He screwed me over real well, didn't he? Is he rejoicing now? Or is this merely the first step towards my ultimate damnation? I must stop blaming other people for my mistakes. It's my own fault. This is all my fault. I'm the one to take all the blame. I wish I would stop blaming other people for my mistakes. Oh, I'm such a horrible, horrible person. Not to mention I look even more horrible in comparison to my bestest friend. She's everything I am not + wish to be. This certainly and most definitely is not the only time I've yearned + wished to be her. Ok, so when is Dr. Lynch going to get around to scheduling that conference with my mother? Who's the slacker now? Well, at least there's no History to learn in Hell. I supposed being set on fire, drowning, bleeding, and being in mortal pain for eternity is better than learning about dead people and rocks. My mother......what would she say? She hasn't even seen my progress reports yet. What will she punish me with when she finds out?! But its not her fault. Its all mine...... And whatever happened to my vow for Lent? I need more good books! I'm so bad at keeping promises. But, that's obvious. How can such a horrible person like me be able to keep promises?! Words are so easy to break, forget, ignore, and forsake. If all that I said about words is true, why bother speaking? Why bother writing? For once, I wish that when words fail me, thoughts would fail me too, because I know that whatever is next to come out of my mouth is going to be a lie. I wish to swallow my vocal chords and never be able to speak again. I lied when I said that I hate sympathy. For, now, sympathy is something I would get down on my hands and knees and beg for. It disappoints me how I know that soon, I'll be happy and laughing, with all these thoughts in a mere corner of my mind that I'd avoid. Being right sucks. and thats where it ends. Ashleigh read some of it, though. Now i want everyone to read it. |
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| Wednesday, March 17th, 2004 |
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w00t. w00t. i met up with katie this morning and we went to dr lynch's room marlee came, so i became nothing again so i left i went to chik fil a with emily and had this delicious chicken biscuit emily said she felt illegal we had this awful sub in spanish who couldnt pronounce anything correctly i hated her Lit. was nothing special lunch was nothing special well andy actually participated and it made me happy alicia has this thing against andy she seems to really hate him i asked her why she's being so mean to him and she said it was because he didnt include himself .... band was blah i liked the song we played however biology was so cool! we disected frogs, and it was just wonderful! anthro was torture, once again geometry was ok though after that, we had pit orchestra and i had fun but, i couldnt play anything i felt so talentless i felt like nothing i couldnt play a thing and then i learned that this is emily's first year as a clarinet and look how good she is.... i'm going to go cry now i really want to talk to someone but i dont know who will listen to me .... no one wants to talk to me oh, i'm nothing but a failure i'm good at NOTHING i need to cry to someone i need to yell at someone what i need right now, is someone like me..... |
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| Tuesday, March 16th, 2004 |
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geometry is just so frickin frustrating! as ashleigh would put it, it makes me want to shoot myself. when i fall in love i take my time theres no need to hurry when i'm making up my mind one day i'm going to smile and laugh because i can look back at these days remember all the good things and forget all the things i wont need (like geometry and anthro) and be happy i'll either be on the radio or on the tv or you might read my work in the newspaper and i'll be sitting at home making pottery listening to the music that i love so much with a peaceful little smile on my face as i let the suns fingers tickle my cheeks knowing life isn't as bad as it seems i just need to learn to know whats important and whats not and those remnants of smiles left on my face will stay there forever even when tears soften my face those smiles will be there i dislike the english word for smile its not as pretty as the actual thing its better in spanish, though not perfect sonrie not the foolish little smiles that mean nothing i absolutely hate those its this peaceful kind of happiness that makes me feel like i'm not troubled at all and life is good at least temporarily this picture in my head i see myself on the TV because i had taped myself on the news and was watching it i'm wearing a pair of overalls stained with this and that bandana in my plaited hair white t-shirt my hands are covered in clay, just how i like it and the room is big you see, the room was supposed to be a bedroom, but i turned it into more of a comfy room than a bedroom and theres a tiny window that sunlight streams through the walls are gray, but they are not bare i give the walls as much flavor as the color gray can get i'm not really paying attention to the tv as much as i'm listening to Jason Mraz's third album (which is currectly non-existant, but shhh this is my fantasy) i'm far from the darkest corner, which is where i go to when i feel sad and i need to cry yummy, i'm heating a hash brown from mcdonalds and theres a far off look in my eyes my hair has grown surprisingly long, seeing as i hadnt really cut it since my senior year in high school bags under my eyes, but thats ok i just wonder if this vision in true.... if this will be me..... i hope so, because i really love that vision |
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refreshed good talk to me call me i'm a slacker got homework and stuff i secretely hate you but shh dont tell yourself i dont want you to know k? k. refreshed good |
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yeah, so you care, you say. you want to be my friend WELL THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, BITCH BECAUSE I'M NOT GETTING OFF OF MY ASS TO DO ANYTHING ANYMORE. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BOTHERING WITH THINGS I SHOULDNT AND NEGLECTING THINGS I SHOULDNT AND GUESS WHAT. ITS ALL YOUR FAULT yeah, you got something to say to me? you want to be my friend? you care about me? PROVE IT don't talk to me, don't touch me, don't look at me not until you care |
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damn, how do they do it? those people can just walk into a room full of the coolest people and walk out with a groupful of friends! how do they do it? maybe, i should hang out with them more and they'll introduce me to these people or, their not shyness will rub off on me i always picture myself waltzing into a new classroom picking out the coolest looking people and just walking over and calmly introduce myself instead of sitting around waiting for things to happen this really completely sucks me being the way i am how do i get friends? i wish i could be one of those people who have the limit of buddies on their buddy list and everyone reads their journal and they can call whomever and they always have someone to talk to people yearn to be their friend why can't i just get past this shyness? why can't i just walk up to people and not sit around waiting for something to happen? i mean, thats what i did to befriend andy, isnt it? geez, if i never went up to him in Lit, we wouldn't be friends its kind of scary if i did that with so many other people, how many friends would i have? why can't i do it with other people? i need to stop that danielle was kinda excluding me this morning i wanted to talk with her but she didnt really seem to care i mean, jesus, i'm only trying to help i'm only trying to be a good friend i just got fed up and walked away i wonder......how does she know chris? i walked over to her, and she walked over to this big group of guys and chris was in the middle i thought maybe she knew someone who knew chris surprise! she tapped chris on the shoulder he turned around, his head turned down because he was laughing he looked me up and down i like his eyes he hugged danielle and she told him a little bit about the matt situation then we left i hate these far-away crushes they get me feeling paranoid that the person will think i'm a complete loser that they or some of their friends might hear me talking about them it really sucks..... *sobs* *burp* ah well..... spanish was full of Don Quixote de la Mancha lit. was full of me sitting there killing my brain cells with sharpies lunch was ok tho it was mostly me being a nacho piggy and alicia being a little immature band was great it was a lot of ben and a lot of eric biology was so boring and so was anthro in fact, i dont even believe i recall anthro at all today... geometry was the usual this girl asked mr grant "who's jessica" i turned around and said that i'm jessica and she's like "ooh, i called your name out yesterday a lot but no one answered" i replied "oh, i'm really sorry, i tend to not pay attention in this class" mr grant looked at me with just shook his head with the weirdest grin on his face the pep rally was ok i sat with andy and chris and in front of mich and sally we sat on the sophomore side i got on the bus, and there was this huge fight between these four black girls mr. bishop had to get on the bus and drag all for of their black asses of the bus i laughed and laughed i had a grin on my face all the way home andy's reading my excel saga manga which is a very very good thing! the more people i know into excel saga, the better ^_^ yeah, i think i'm done for right now of course, i still feel sickly about my shyness i feel like shooting myself for all those friends i could have had, but since i'm too shy, i'll never know them god i'm such a fucking dumbass ... |
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| Monday, March 15th, 2004 |
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I want you to post anything that you want in reply to this entry. Anything at all. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love, an opinion, a critique - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your journal to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your journal) have to say. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i ask that you please do this. i would really like to know people's opinions of me, and how many people read this. all i ask is that this one time, you post, and you never have to post again if you dont want to. just once, please, it wont hurt you. |
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maybe i shouldn't have said anything twice i messed up i hate it when i do that and both times with the most critical person in my world.... why did i have to say anything at all? that look of shock and disgust i saw when i said those words made me wish i was never born the attitude and air of superiority taken made me feel like an insignificant piece of shit the lack of attention made me feel like i should never speak again for no one cares.... go back to sleep.... lay your head down child i wont let the boogie man come i felt like shit this morning its hard to explain exactly how i felt today i just felt like i didnt want to put up shit from no one i felt like i didnt need any of these ppl i had to get away i needed to be isolated from the world i wanted to go back under my covers and stay in bed all day long.... i need to see danielle i want to spend time with danielle danielle knows pain danielle can understand I DONT GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU FUCKERS THINK ABOUT DANIELLE. DANIELLE IS MY FRIEND, SHE ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND SHE ALWAYS WILL BE! i'm crying for you danielle, can you see me crying? can you feel them run down my cheeks, like i can? i want to spend time with danielle i want things to get better is this what i've been waiting for? someone else who knows the kind of pain i know? someone else to undestand me? someone else i can share my miserable life with? i'm on the phone with you right now danielle i love you i care about you i hope that this doesn't kill you if it doesnt, you'll be stronger matt, you jerk, how could you do this to danielle? karma karma karma the sooner you leave, the better nothing against you personally, but by wounding danielle, you wounded me anyways spanish, i was so close to chris wow it was like wow i realized how big of an idiot i am to have these crushes but i cant help it Lit. was pretty good. we found out that we have an extra weekend to do this thing which is wonderful we're getting together at jackie's house on sunday to film lunch was bleh. i hated lunch. i hope it dies. well, its not like it could get any better..... so i shouldnt complain band was ok we listened to our recording it was terrible concert 1 got 3's jessica sfintu gave herself 1's because i'm just that good biology was boring it always is ok, that was a lie i love biology especially this semester last semester was a load of bullshit this one is great for biology i mean anthro was so gay i got bored and i couldnt keep up so i just started drawing i really dont give a damn anymore i'll prolly have to take a class over the summer and my mom will get so mad but i dont care geometry i was so tired but circles are so easy i like 'em came home danielle time t'is not so good matt = mean done. |
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| Sunday, March 14th, 2004 |
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festival was just reliving memories and making new ones. i saw stephanie there. she looks so pretty! i got my shoe stuck, and ppl laughed at me. i had good times, and i got my feelings hurt, too. all in all, it was a nuetral experience. amy spent the night that night we went to olive garden and it was so yummy! we messed around with the video cam. a lot but it was fun i was dead tired so i fell asleep quick we went to the mall i bought some excel saga manga and i owe amy a dollar and five cents i also bought a used Ace of Base cd, for two bucks! i saw it, and i'm like, "what the heck, why not buy it?" cuz i heard some good stuff about it and it wouldnt be too much of a waste of money and i found another piece of my childhood in that cd! three songs that i remember loving and still do! thats so awesome! i also bought an arm band thingey that has that chick from the David and Goliath brand that says : twisted little heart then i bought a whole bunch of pins from hot topic oh, and i bought the arm band from hot topic we also had our traditional smoothies we didnt see anyone, but thats ok after the mall, amy went home the rest of the day was spent holed up in my room working on prettying up my jean jacket i'm going to cut off that F i sewed on there and sew on "ACROSS" haha that'd be so awesome i watched a jimmy neutron marathon hahah jimmy neutron is so cool! sheen's definitely the coolest! today i woke up at ten and thought that i only had an hour and half until i had to meet with nick and jackie but i forgot that theres a whole hour starting with 1100 i'm such a genius i washed my hair, dried it, and then straightened it then i cleaned my room after that, i met up with nick and jackie at JJ. man, i miss that school just looking at it from the outside brought back memories we walked to nicks house we worked on the project something really really embarrassing happened that i really dont want to talk about but it was ok then we drove jackie home and here i am now i wanna go to the mall with Liz but i doubt i could oh well i'm done bye bye! -bluUUe! |
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| Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 |
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they're coming..... they're coming..... they're coming..... THEY'RE COMING!!!!! ............................ they're back |
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What is your full name? Jessica de la Smoothie 1. Nicknames: Poopie, Cookie Dough, Seamonkey 2. Birthdate: 8/22/89 3. Age: -- 14 4. Sex: -- no stick 5. Social Security Number: -- no stick. i mean, um, i know it, but i'm not telling. 6. Where do you live? -- large intestine of a sperm whale 7. What school do you attend? -- SPRAYBERRY YEAH! CAMPBELL SUCKS! 8. Siblings and their ages? -- Tony *cough* and Gianny (pronounced Johnny) and i dunno how old they are. 20-something 9. Pets: -- Spot! 10. Zodiac Sign: -- Leo/Virgo 11. Righty or Lefty: -- the former *********YOUR LOOKS********* 12. Hair color: -- chocolate 13. Eye color: -- CHOCOLATE IS NOT THE SAME THING AS BROWN! 14. Height: -- shorter than Bianka, taller than Amy, a few heads shorter than Andy, half a head taller than my mother 15. Do you wear contacts or glasses? -- the former 16. Do you have any piercings? -- .....maybe..... 17. Where do you want more if you do? -- tee hee hee 18. Do you have a tattoo? -- tee hee hee 19. If so what and where: -- heheheh 20. Do you wear any rings? -- cant stand 'em, i'm a bracelet person 21. Do you have a certain fashion you follow? -- if anyone calls me goth one more time, i swear i'm going to smack someone.....it just hurts me so much......i must go write angsty poetry now and hole myself up because no one loves me or understands me boo hoo i'm a fucking failure i'm going to hell because i worship Satan. *********JUST LATELY********** 22. How are you today? pissy. haha i accidently typed pussy. hahaha no stick. 23. What pants are you wearing right now? my red striped pajama pants because i accidently spilled watermelon all over my blue striped ones 24. What shirt are you wearing right now? -- my fourth of july shirt from 2001 from old navy, and my grey hoodie on top 25. What underwear are you wearing right now? -- none. jk heheh my red l.e.i. ones 26. What does your hair look like at the moment? -- its in a pony tail because it annoyed me all day but i can never wear my hair up at school because my side profile is too ugly.... 27. What song are you listening to right now? -- track three of the Proof Positive demo 28. What was the last thing you ate? -- chicken, and it was good. 29. How is the weather right now? -- *sings* i wanna see it painted, painted, painted BLACK! haha its gray. 30. Last person you talked to on the phone: -- uhhh....eric? danielle? 31. Last dream you can remember: -- that one dream where i married that one kid who i'm not going to tell who he is, and i'm positive you know who he is, and it was weird....and you were there, too. 32. Who are you talking to right now? -- Susanne via IM 33. What time is it? --shirtless o'clock ************MORE ABOUT YOU************** 34. What are the last four digits of your phone number? -- 678-797-1797 CALL ME! 35. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? -- bright green when im happy, uh black i guess when i'm depressed 36. Do you like the person that sent you this? -- shyeah! why else would i have a shrine to her in my room?! jk jk heheh 37. How do you eat an Oreo: -- hahaha that reminds me of that time when i played The White Stuff by Weird Al at my dad's house and he thought it meant something else.... 38. What's the next CD you are going to buy? -- Kill Hannah, Best of RHCP, Coldplay, The Offspring, or HIM, and theres prolly some more that i forgot....... 39. What religion/denomination are you? -- agnostic 40. What's the best advice ever given to you? -- what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger 41. Have you ever won any special awards? -- yes, i won a coloring contest in kindergarten. I colored inside the lines! 42. What are your future goals? -- pass my classes with a 75 or higher, and to make Sym 2 next semester, so i have to get practicing....... 43. Do you like to dance? -- l love watching Emily dance! She's got her own way of dancing that makes you just feel.......happy! but uh, yeah, but i cant do it well. 44. Worst sickness you ever had? -- well, it certainly wasn't "depression" *coughcough* 45. What's the stupidest thing you have ever done? every time i do something stupid, it feels like the stupidest thing i've ever done, but the latest one was getting a crush on andy, because we all know it goes nowhere. 46. What's your favorite memory? -- *sobs* orlando.... 47. What one thing would you change about yourself? --everything 48. Where do you shop the most? -- Smoothie King......its shopping! i buy stuff! 49. How many kids do you want to have? -- irunno 50. Son's name? -- Wictor! I'd call him Wicky-wicky for short! 51. Daughter's name? -- irunno 52. Do you do drugs? -- no stick 53. Do you drink? - apple juice good.....hangover baaaaad. 54. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? -- various 55. What sport do you hate the most? -- FOOTBALLG UGH 56. What are you most scared of? -- being alone, having to be independant 57. How many TV's do you have in your house? -- three 58. Do you have your own phone line? -- ha i wish 59. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? -- mmhm 60. Have you ever broken/sprained/or fractered a bone? -- yeah, not fun. scarred me for life, literally. 61. Who do you tell your dreams to? -- whoever asks 62. Who's the loudest friend you have: --- ....me? irunno. 63. Who's the quietest friend you have: -- two: Emily and Susanne, but once you befriend her, you find one of the most interesting persons....oh, and, Andy tends to be pretty quiet sometimes..... **********************JUST QUESTIONS******************* 64. Is cheerleading a sport? -- i honestly dont care..... 65. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a lollypop? i tend to bite the lollypop. i dont have the patience to sit there for two hours counting every lick. i have better things to do. 66. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? -- oops, my bad..... ******************YOU AND LOVE************************ 67. Do you believe in love? -- well......well......well..........maybe. 68. Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? -- ....wellll.....well.........no...... 69. Do you have a crush? -- ............. 70. Who is your crush? -- .......... 71. Did you send this to your crush? -- no, this is on blurty, anyways....... 72. Do you believe in love at first sight? -- irunno. never happened to me before, so i wouldnt know. 73. Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? the bermuda traingle. 74. What song do you want played at your wedding? -- the smurf techno remix! nah, i'm jp. irunno, havent thought about it..... 75. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? -- "stick? stick? big stick?" hahaha nononono i'm jp, i notice if they're asian or not hehe and then after that, i dont really look at much, id rather get to know them, and look into their eyes. eyes are so awesome. 76. Longest crush: -- i think its a tie between Josh Eswine and Taylor Lively. 77. Are you shy to ask someone out? -- YES!!! 78. What happened to question 78? Andy ate it. 79. Do you find yourself attractive? -- fuck no 80. Do you find yourself ugly? -- fuck yes 81. Do others find you attractive? -- of course not, they just lie and tell me that i'm pretty to make me stop whining and to feel better, but i'm smarter than they are, haha! 82. Are you a virgin? -- ..............yes. ***********************Which is worse************************ 83. Making out with Marilyn Manson or Rob Zombie? HEY! are you saying there's something wrong with them?! fuck you guys. 84. Having your tonsils or appendix removed? -- no..........STICK! *********ON GUYS FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT (for girls only)********* 85. Boxers or briefs: -- let me see that thooooooooooong, i like the way your booty go.........that thong tho-thong thong thong! hahahahaha JK! i really dont care. Boxers are fun though. especially cause you can call 'em boXors 86. Long or short hair: -- hair is hair. as long as its not stubble. i mean, i dont mind bald, but stubble heads are just annoying. 87. Curly or straight: -- it doesnt matter. 88. Tall or short: -- as long as they're taller than me, which is the majority of guys our age..... 89. Six pack or muscular arms: -- i really could care less about muscle. in fact, a little chub here and there isn't too bad on my ideal guy, heheh. and why do the guys get to answer so many more questions than the girls?!? because guys are shallow and materialistic and are all idiots. *********ON GIRLS FOR GUYS TO FILL OUT (for guys only)******** (jessica's note: but what if you're bi?!?!?! 90. 91. 92. 93. 95. Dark or blonde hair: -- 96. Long or short hair: -- 97. Curly or straight hair: -- 98. Dark, light, or crazy cool eyes: -- 99. Long or short nails: -- 100. Hat or no hat: -- 101. Good or bad girl? -- 102. Hair up or down: -- 103. Jewelry or none: -- 104. Tall or short: -- 105. Accent or no accent: -- 106. Pants or dress: -- 107. Tan or fair: -- 108. Glasses: -- 109. Pretty indoor chick or crazy party chick: -- 110. Freckles or none: -- 111. Shy or outgoing: -- 112. Funny or always cool: -- 113. Talkative or shy: -- *************************PICK ONE:************************** 114. Lights on/off? -- oo! oo! off! with candles and my red lamp! 115. Snow, sun or rain: - definitely rain, as long as i dont get my hair wet and then have to see someone who i dont trust to see me uglier than usual. 116. McDonald's or Burger King: - chicken 117. Scary or happy movies: -- scary movies w. guys, any other movie with friends. but it really doesnt matter, i'd go see any movie with anyone. except maybe anything with mandy moore, britney spears, hilary duff or that other chick who was in freaky friday. they all suck and i look forward to seeing them in hell, really. 118. Backstreet Boys or N'SYNC: -- well, actually, i found out today that Bianka likes the Backstreet Boys! i. did. not. know! but uh, neither. 119. On the phone or in person: -- definitely in person, because you can look into each others eyes and its just much better.......i tend to hate talking on the phone..... 120. Paper or plastic: -- rubber, hahahah no jp, plastic is fun to set on fire, except it smells like ass afterwards 121. Sasauge or pepperoni: -- pinapple 122. Summer or winter: -- fall 123. Hugs or kisses: -- both, but with kisses you need the right setting, and hugs are perfect for anywhere. 124. Chocolate or white chocolate: -- almonds 125. Root Beer or Dr. Pepper: -- Sierra Mist or Sprite 126. Glass half full or half empty: -- completely empty 127. CD or Tape: --OMG THE SHINY! 128. Tape or DVD: -- OMG THE SHINY! 129. Cats or Dogs: -- ponies 130. Mud or Jell-O wrestling: -- Jell-O! 131. Vanilla or Chocolate: -- peanut butter cups! 132. Skiing or skateboarding: -- i cant say, i've never done either. 133. Day or night: -- i've become a morning person 134. Cake or pie: -- pie is niiiiiiiiiiice. 135. Silver or gold: -- silver. 136. Diamond or pearl: -- i really dont care for rocks and something that irritated an oyster. 137. Sunset or sunrise: -- both ******************WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE****************** 138. Color: -- purple and red! they look so cool together! 139. Food: -- smoothies and donuts! 140. Fast Food: -- Smoothie King! I eat it really fast! 141. Candy: -- starburst, wink wink 142. Beverage: -- Smoothie 143. Ice Cream Flavor: -- Smoothie 144. Sport: --blitzball! 145. Animal: -- humans are fun to play with! 146. Type of music: -- ROCK, techno, 90s, jason mraz, jazz, j-pop, j-rock, etc 147. Radio Station: -- New Rock and 90s Alternative, 99X! 96.7 sucks! I'm anti-Clear Channel! 148. Song: -- Inside Out by Eve 6 149. Band: -- A Perfect Circle 150. Number: -- 4, 14, 6, 1462, 2, 22 151. Actor or Actress: -- Actor: Takeshi Kaneshiro......Actress: Tara Strong 152. Day of the year: -- Bianka's birthday! 153. Month: - August and September 154. TV Show: -- Excel Saga! 155. Store: -- Smoothie King! 156. Scent: -- laundry and Smoothie King and AXE! omg the Axe! 157. Teacher: -- Mr. Grant! 158. Board Game: -- Spin the Bottle! 159. Saying: -- " 'Ey! You make-a me bleeeeeed!" --Ugly Puchuu after being smacked, before dying, episode four of Excel Saga, Love Puny **********************HAVE YOU EVER*********************** 160. Loved someone? -- .......no comment. 161. Drank? -- hahah i remember that one time at Liz that I was about to take my first shot, so I sipped it omg it was gross...... 162. Ever gotten dumped? -- ......yes 163. Broke the law? -- hahahahahahaaaaa! yes! omg yes! 164. Ran from the cops? -- hahahahahahaaaaa! yes! omg yes! 165. Stole something? -- yeah 166. Tried to kill yourself? -- yeah 167. Made yourself throw up? -- definitely 168. Been in love? -- ......no comment. 169. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? -- i can't make myself cry, sometimes the tears just come out on their own. i can never make myself cry ********************ON A FINAL NOTE************************ 170. Do you like filling these out? -- on the occasion 171. How many people are you sending this to? -- no one, its in my blurty 172. Do you want your friends to write back? -- i wouldnt mind, but i doubt anyone will, seeing as this is going in my BLURTY......duuuh 173. Who is least likely to respond? -- God 174. Who is most likely to respond? -- no one 175. What first comes to mind? -- i have to pee, and how much does a lyposuction cost? |
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| Monday, March 8th, 2004 |
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i'm such a dipshit. and a liar. no, not a liar, just........fickle. i hate being fickle. i dont want to be fickle. i dont want to have these stupid crushes. i dont want to let my imagination run away, thinking shallow thoughts then why do i do it? damn me damn me to hell but then, i open another eye, and see how it could be but then i open my mind and see that it never will no es facil para abrir el corazon de algien que no quire enamorarse nunca mas...... i'm going to hell..... |
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i realized that i had forgotten to write about the brent thing in the first entry. ok, well, it turns out, after hanging out with him, katie, dr lynch, and mr d, after all those morning, and that time i kneed him in the balls, he never knew my name....bastard. anyways. liz told me to call. so i called. it turns out that we won the contest we entered as a joke. as a joke... but it was funny too. we said we were lesbians, and that she was like 20 something and i was over 60. it was great. and we actually won. well, its prolly just another scam, but still. i'm not going to tell her that. it would break her momentary happiness. ^_^ i really wonder about katie sometimes. i really do wish we could be better friends, but she just doesnt seem to want to allow it to happen.....but she's my friend, and i can relate with her to a sense, and i'll always stand up for her, because ppl frequently like taking cheap shots at her, and i've gone through this with keru, i can do it for katie. i love my friends so much! i really hope they know that. yeah, even you, Andy. omg, i forgot to add one major important thing to my list: BRYCE its so easy to forget him, now that he's out of my life..... if you ever need to throw up on me, my shirt is always available.. ^_^ it would be nice to be someones shoulder to cry on for once. ah well, i'm going to go write a note to danielle, and then re-read the convo i saved of when i told Andy that I liked him as more than a friend Ja ne! -Cookie Dough |
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you know, i do believe that i've read IT so many times now, that I've memorized parts of it. ^_^ re-reading it again after a while brings back memories of eighth grade. eighth grade was: a grey hoodie making fun of mrs stevens teeth A's and B's first band Taylor the cookies! block schedule making fun of sixth graders getting to know eric laughing at amy's misfortunous crush chatting with An and Stephanie in science inside jokes feeling like i belong inuyasha and yugioh! hip bumps from bianka shy smiles lots and lots of makeup I'M WITH STUPID all over Keru's agenda carefree innocence wild daydreams about high school hating florencia because she was beautiful band! not knowing all these people, and not really caring full-length lockers being asked out by Tim rubbing Andrew Tomey's hair and calling him Fuzzy drama club! when i gave up my belief in God algebra was my biggest problem candy from mrs dawson every morning only having to worry about one hallway looking forward to even number days seeing mrs hoefling every single day learning and hating georgia history my first middle school PE class orlando shonen jump! jason mraz! SEAMONKEYWRATH monks turn me on.... looking forward to a summer that i wished would never end jakey, bran, mike, and zach toaster strudels anime forums kazaa hair straighteners saxophone challenges getting ready hor high school, but not really believing that its actually happening denying that i would be seperated from my best friends next year trying to hook up Eric and Alicia being hounded by adrian happiness living life simple seeing for the first time in my life: punks and preps and "chocolate people" all in one school long auburn hair CLEAN band locker room trying my hardest to be near taylor making jokes about michael and taylor being gay together blue t-shirts with "daniell middle school band" on them daydreams icebreakers penguins getting used to contacts clearasil, black eyeliner, and silver eyeshadow yugioh cd and so much more..... i miss eighth grade. i want to go back i want to breathe the stale air of memories not at all forgotten revisit all those places that just haunt my memories now waltz into the classroom and relive old memories where not caring ruled my world and sliding by was my bible someone please, take me back, help me remember, let me relive those days and never let them slip through my fingers again.... |
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Blurty for Philosophy In A Tea Cup.
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