| Hi :o) |
[19 Sep 2005|08:01pm] |
Ive been sitting here for half an hour trying to work out what to write... I think im just out of the blurty writting mood... Im never ever on here.. and i guess in the absence of real drama.. which was basically all my life was last year.. i feel i have absolutely nothing to write about... I am boring!! hehe
So lets update...
well the bball seasons over... I was in finals for all four of my teams.. and 2 grandfinals in that.. of which we won one out of two... New season starts this week though haha.. so theres no time off.. which is great...
Work is good... I enjoy going there every day... i get treated well and the work is ok.. I dont even mind catching 2 hrs of public transport a day to do it... Just wish i was earning abit more... At the end of the year mum moves out and ill have absolutely no money at all... Carols away for 2 weeks and the students are on holidays... I have 2 weeks of trying to find something to keep me busy at work :o)
Study is fairly average... Im a fairly bad student.. I leave everything to the last minute.. im only two weeks behind this time but i have an assignment due in 2 weeks that i havent started...
Home is good... I tend to stay out of things... theres still all the same issues... I just stay away...
Thon has broken up with Amber.. apparently for good this time and hes been msging me ever since... it would be convenient if i liked him but i just dont... Im not even attracted to him anymore.. and he would have to be one of the sexiest men alive... albeit also one of the simplest... maybe thats what it is... i guess i do need someone who has more too them and whos idea of a convesation doesnt revolve around the fight him and his mates go into at a night club... or msging me late at night to ask if he can sleep over??
Ive seen brett the last two weekends... Ohhh i forgot... I went and saw boysIImen in concert two weeks ago!!! Ohhh my good... how much do i love them... it was amazingly good... SO after the concert i went to odeon.. and perved on heaps of sexc boys... friday night went to billboards... again lots of sexc boys... including one called mark.. who i finally got introduced too.. who i think is amazingly sexc haha... So anyways after 2 nights of very sexc boys.. i needed to be with one.. so i called brett... and we went to dinner and a movie and had an amazing night... Which isnt such a good thing in that brett isnt about relationships.. and hanging out with him.. makes me get a huge crush on him which takes a good few weeks to get over him...
So anyways.... after a week of msging him like a looney i finally deleted his number and got over him...
Thursday night i went to odeon.. and met a boy called Ali.. very cute.. and sweet... but abit weird... I was having a shit night cos mel was being a dick... but he made it good...
Friday i slept in and then went and picked up ebony.. saturday i went to the show with mum and eb... sunday i saw a movie... saw flicker and went to bretts house...
today... i slept in... did a bit of shopping saw flick and now im here... writing all this crap out...
Ive had a great 4 day weekend... and now its back to work tomorrow yaaaaaaaay....
Anyways i hope everyones well and still out there somewhere...
i can hear dinner being dished up...
Love Me
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| Yaaaaaaaaaay!! |
[07 Sep 2005|07:40pm] |
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Im sooo excited... Amy is coming home yaaaaaaay!!! Im in a bball final tonight... Im going to the boys II men concert tomorrow night!!! Im going to the Melbourne show on the 17th with my mum and baby cousin... and Im taking a 4 day long weekend holiday!!! YaaaaaaaayY
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| hi all.. |
[28 Aug 2005|02:22pm] |
Hi all
sorry i havent been updating... I havent been on here for a month and alas nothing at all has happened..
Im extremely tired all the time.. working fulltime.. students are back.. so im working 7:30am to 6:30 pm some days and then rushing home to play bball 4 times a week til 11pm.... I love thursdays... not just because it LOST is on.. or alias.. but because i finally get sleep...
Work is ok... cept for when i get told off for making a single 5 min personal call... but in general its cool.. Im permanent now.. guareented fulltime work for however i want it... which is unknown in science...
Still doing my teaching degree.. or atleat doing the bare minimum of work to pass... again the tired thing...
No boys in my life.. and cant be bothered finding one... id rather sleep haha
Good weather is finally here... Went on first horse ride of season yesterday... my horse is soooo over being ridden... he hates it... wish i could afford a second horse to ride...
Anyways... speaking f horses have to go see mine... catch ya laters....
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| Im tired.. your allowed to talk about this.. |
[23 Jul 2005|06:37pm] |
Im tired... Life is tiring... family is tiring.. emotionally and physically.. im exhausted..
I played four games of bball this week. Ive started a new team this week.. So im now playing sunday through to wednesday. Very tiring but very cool...
Works ok.. students are back next week.. lots of long hours.. lots of work.. fun fun fun.. August 1st i have my meeting to find out whether i get to keep my job.. it should work out ok..
Sorry i dont have anything fun to write.. Im sooo tired.. Hope everyones well..
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| Boys are stoopid |
[17 Jul 2005|10:46pm] |
Turns out the boy has a girlfriend?? Why give out your number if your attached... Stoopid boy... Ohh well, Im not that interested in having one around anyways... Hope everyones well.. Love you all...
PS Thank you for your comment.. Love you lots..
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| living with mum and a boy on the train |
[15 Jul 2005|07:08pm] |
Ok so lots is happening... I think im heading towards finding my own house to live in at the end of the year... Mums making too many conditions on me renting her house.. and keeps telling me that she is accomidating me when really shes the one with the benefits.. The rents not cheaper.. the house is falling apart.. and then there are all the conditions.. She on the other hand.. gets help paying her morgage... can use the house as collateral for a second house.. Gets someone to look after her house.. and gives her a holiday house so she doesnt have to bunk in with someone else when she visits... So i think im moving out.. Id move out now.. but Ive decided i can pay off my credit if i stay til december.. and as i wont have money to pay them off when im living in my own place... Its better that i hold off... as much as i want the peace of my own place.. I also need to make sure this job becomes permanent first...
Appart from the usual home stuff life is good... Ive found a new player for wed night bball and in turn this player has asked me to play tuesday night for her.. so im now playing 4 times a week yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!
Work was ok today... no boss in... work was casual... I left work 10 mins early and ran into a guy who studys in my prac class... He's gorgeous... Got to chat to him on the tram to the station... Found out hes 22 so not tooo big a diff in age.. atleast hes not 19 lol... and turns out he might do honours in zoology.. which means.. hell be round on a daily basis.. and i cant chat to him at lunch and morning tea etc... Usually i only get to perve on him for one prac class a week... now ill be able to perve all day :o) yaaaaaay....
And then fresh from my perving on the tram.. i get on the train and the guy next to me is kinda cute... Hes eating some choc stick things.. dipping them in choc sauce.. and every time he goes to dip the stick breaks... and he just looks at the stick.. as if hes disgusting in the stick for breaking... I giggle... A few seconds later it happens again... I look at the stick.. i giggle.. I go back to my book... A few seconds after that... the stick finally doesnt break.. and hes about to put it in his mouth when it breaks and falls in his lap... I look at him and laugh.. He laughs back and with a smile says im having a bad day.... We start to chat.. Hes pretty cute.. Its 18 stops to my station and were still chatting... He starts leaning into me.. im leaning into him.. when he talks to me he touches my knee.. I do the same... I notice that im a staion away from home so i drop the hint... Im not going to give him my number or ask for his... I wait and hope he catches on..... half a station away.. he tells me where is works.. spells out the name.. tells me that if i need anything i can find him there... I tell him that id never rememeber that.. So i gives me his card... He finally tells me his name.. Its matt.. hes 22 and pretty cute... Def cute enough... hes working tomorrow... I wonder if i should call him.. maybe i will..
I cant believe i picked up a guy on the train... I was looking like shit.. in a huge windsheeter .. my hair oily and in a ponytail... I cant believe i picked up... I should laugh at cute boys more often...
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| Im abit better now that i made up with mel |
[03 Jul 2005|01:13am] |
First of all to Preston.. Thank you for lovely messages.. You're truelly a beautiful person.. Sorry you have random stupid people commenting on your journal.. Some people are just pathetic and should just be erased..
Lifes better the last few days.. Friday I finally had a semi happy day.. or maybe it was just cos it was friday haha.. either way it wasnt to bad..
Im talking to Melanie again.. I was sooo sick and tired of feeling depressed.. So i called her and she called me back and we made up.. I dont put much hope into her changing or really being there for me.. but im happier now that i know we atleast wont ignore each other at basketball.. and maybe well hang out once and a while.. though I do not hold much hope for that either...
Friday night was drinks for a guy leaving work.. but i skipped it.. Wasnt feeling too social.. or atleast not with the people at work.. Still feeling alittle on the outer.. but things are getting better.. Im forging new friendships with a few new people.. Mainly through our mutual needs to get fit haha.. Weve been doing dance classes together.. So hopefully something will come from that..
Pertina called me during the day so decided to visit her after work.. It was nice.. just to have a good old gossip etc.. I stayed there for 4ish hours and just caught up... Pert and I havent really done that much and nowadays shes always got her man next to her.. so you cant quite swap guy stories when theyre right there haha.. but he was away so yeah we caught up.. Im hoping that we make the hanging out thing more regular.. and secretly I hope she doesnt move to Queensland.. cos im sick of losing friends..
Today I slept in til 2:30pm!! Im so slack.. I got up did my banking and then went shopping.. mainly for animal supplies and food.. I came home with a whole stack of dvds and spent the rest of the night.. that is til now.. bed time.. watching them...
Tomorrow ill probably go see a movie then see my horse.. Oh so exciting...
I hope everythings well with everyone.. Love you all.. Thanks for reading my shit..
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| It hurts like hell.... |
[29 Jun 2005|09:49pm] |
Im having a pretty crappy week.. Im alittle on the depressed side.. just keeping my head above water.. just... I bit the bullet, gave in a messaged melanie.. It was very simple.. nothing big.. I just wrote... I miss you... I figured i could just make the first move.. give her some indication i cared and that i wanted to be friends with her.. but she never replied.. and two days later when i went to bball.. Mel was there.. watching mutual friends of ours playing bball.. and she didnt even speak to me.. nothing.. and tonight she didnt even rock up to bball and didnt msg me to tell me she couldnt play.. Im soooooooo pissed off.. and so heart broken... Im kinda hoping she doesnt come back to bball.. It would be easier if i didnt have to talk to her... I hate her.. and the fact that i spent the last 15 years loving her as my best friend and now.. she doesnt even speak to me... Im soooooo mad...
Im feeling very umm whats the word.. Im freaking out thinking people are talking/bitching about me... At bball.. everytime someone talks to me with anything less than a smile i wonder if they hate me and if they are secretly bitching bout me.. Ive been reaching out to liz more now that mels not around... liz is pretty much my only hanging out mate.. the only one i have left.. and we dont even do that much.. When it was warm and nice.. and she wasnt injured liz and I usually spent our weekends riding.. now that its cold.. we dont ride.. thus dont hang out.. and when i msg her to say hi.. i only get straight to the point answers to my questions and nothing else... Im sooo paranoid that she doesnt wanna have anything to do with me.. and that im alone.. I know that its more that these ppl actually have lives and that im only small parts of them... thus why i only see them every now and then.. But i have no life.. On the the weekends.. Im free for two full days.. and i have to fill them somehow... with no one to help me.. Im alone...
Works good.. Im feeling abit off with my work mate.. Im not sure whether she likes me or hates me.. because for half the day.. shes laughing away with me and the other i feel like im talking to a wall.. and that she doesnt want me any where near her.. I asked her what her favourite job would be.. and she said.. and i quote..." dont get offended, but it was when i was working with the last guy that worked here"... which basically means.. i dont like working with you.. I want him back... Im not strong enough to not take offence to that... Im sooo flat this week.. and i have absolutely no one to hold me so i can cry...
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| Mum sucks, i miss mel and i got tickets yaaaaay |
[24 Jun 2005|11:27pm] |
At the end of the year mum and wayne were sposed to be moving to Western OZ and id be renting the place from her.. The idea was that wayne and her would do up the house before they leave... Our house is pretty farked up... theres plastered holes in every room.. somehwere between 10-20 holes in the walls of each room.. a combination of my bro, dad and uncles angry work... then bathroom walls are covered in mold down to below eye height, theres wood planks at the base of the shower covering the huge hole in the floor and all the tiles are missing from the shower.. in the kitchen.. theres holes around the sink.. the toilet leaks.. in my bedroom, theres no carpet.. just nails poking out.. and theres god knows what type of alcohol or more evil stains dripping down the walls from when my drugged out bro or alcoholic uncle lived in this room before me.. Dont get me wrong.. the place puts a non leaking roof over my belongings... but the place is falling appart.. and definitely not worth paying money to rent..
So when my mum told me last week that she wasnt going to fix the place up.. that she was just going to rent it to me as is.. and more so that she didnt see anything wrong with this... I got sooo mad.. and I still am.. I was hoping to rent this place.. done up that is.. my animals and I are safe here.. and I wouldnt have to worry about a landloard who lets me have 4 animals.. but I cant rent/pay off someones morgage for them when the house is in such a state.. So at the end of this year.. I'll have to move again.. and im shitty...
Im starting to look forward to getting away from mum and wayne.. theyre drunk pretty much every night now.. and constantly yelling at each other til late at night.. only to wake up very much in love the next day... til they start drinking again.. and the same shit happens.. I like the quietness of the house when theres no alcholics in it... Ive spent my whole life being surrounded by addicted people... Im sooo beyond over it.. I will miss my mum.. but I wont miss the alcoholic.. and thats pretty much the only side i see of her these days...
I'll be poor when i move out.. but ill be ok.. Ill be able to pay my bills.. and ill be happy.. maybe abit lonely... but happier...
I havent spoken to my friend melanie (of 15 years) for 4 weeks now.. I mean ive said a few words to her.. because we play ball together but i havent had a conversation with her.. I miss her terribly.. but shes no good for me.. the lonely side of me tells me to go make up with her.. Its not like I have a huge array of friends to hang out with.. actually im pretty much friendless.. but the i cant bebothered being fucked around side of me wont go to her.. Im sick of being used.. and being unappreciated.. Shes like a very bad bf i shouldve gotten rid of years ago... but i couldnt stop loving her.. i guess i still cant.. I could cry forever tonight if i truelly thought about it.. I miss her like crazy... whats that rule they say?? It takes half the time of a relationship to get over someone... So ive only got 6 years and 11 months to go :oP Wow..
Despite all this.. i had a fantastic happy week.. work was good.. and my mood was great... no depression.. yaaaay for me... Ohh and I finally brought tickets to see dirty dancing the theatre production..... yaaaaaaaay for me.. i sooooooo love dirty dancing :o)
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| Thanks |
[16 Jun 2005|08:00pm] |
To Penny, Thank you.. Your beautiful :o)
One more day til the weekend yaaay.. Not that im doing anything with it.. but yaaay its comming anyways :o)
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| .... |
[13 Jun 2005|12:43pm] |
Its been 2 weeks almost and I cant believe I havent written... I guess if this weekend hadnt been a long weekend.. i probably wouldnt have written either.. Theres always sooo much to try and do on the weekends.. I never get on the net anymore... So here I am.. tho i dont have much to say i dont think.. Mum and wayne just got back from WA this morning.. Its weird to have to be quiet again... Im not speaking to melanie.. 3 weeks in now.. She sucks as a friend.. and after 15 years of letting her hurt me.. IVe dumped her.. yup.. like a bf... cos if she was a bf.. i wouldve dumped her 10 years ago... She wouldnt have been worth keeping.. So im going thru a break up right now.. I hear a song on the radio and I think of her.. but i dont call.. cos going back is bad.. Pity i still have to play bball with her...
I had a weird stalker boy on the net last week.. probably why i havent been on... didnt wanna talk to him...
Im very boring...
Thanks to all for my msgs.. I love you all very much...
To amy.. im glad everythings going better with you :o) Love you...
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| day 2 after the death.... |
[30 May 2005|04:20pm] |
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Im struggling.. Cant seem to stop crying.. everything is just bad.. havent done assignment.. day one of it being late.. Not that it matters in the scheme of things.. Someone died... Waiting to hear from boss.. Need another day off... need to get my head sorted.. Need to stop crying... I still cant talk to wayne.. havent looked at him still.. My hearts breaking for him and I cant help.. I feel so useless and dum and alone.. Still not speaking to mel.. She would have to be the suckiest friend ive ever had.. She hasnt even called to wish wayne well... I might run into her today.. I cant deal with her.. with it.. i just wanna hide..
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| Waynes dad died |
[29 May 2005|10:22pm] |
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mood |
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 numb |
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Waynes father... my stepgrandfather died this morning... Could life get any shitter.. I havent been able to say im sorry to him yet.. I havent even looked him in the eyes today... Every minute of the day for the last 2 weeks Ive had to fight the urge not to fall into a huge hole and cry for the rest of my life.. I cant talk to him.. It would put me over the edge.. Im scared ill never get up again..
That fucking assignment is still undone.. Im in such a huge fucking hole.. and my best mate cant even return a call.. Im sooo incredibly alone..
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| Tim, dom, assignment, depression |
[29 May 2005|01:21am] |
So its Sat night.. the one night Tim has off.. and im sitting on msn.. hes on as well.. and hes not talking to me.. (not that im talking to him) and more importantly he's not asking me over.. and you know what.. I dont care... Im desperate to be held and touched and kissed.. and to be wanted.. but Ive realised that tim just isnt it.. Even as a fark buddy.. he just doesnt do.. The boy doesnt even like to be kissed?? I mean who doesnt like to be kissed?? I spoke to dom for an hour tonight... Now he's my definition of a beautiful man.. For those of you who havent seen dom.. follow this link and check out the men pictures. http://public.fotki.com/missasfable/
it was almost like old times.. almost.. not quite as magical.. cos back then i hadnt met him.. hadnt had him in person... but there were butterflies.. even now.. 2 years later.. He still gives me butterflies.. We spoke about meeting up again one day.. he believes god wants us to meet again.. I dont know about god.. but I know i wouldnt turn that chance down.. I could fall inlove with him again today if he let me..
And thats what I want.. I want another dom.. or him.. but more than likely itll be another.. lately.. ive had a few offers .. but i never follow through.. no one gives me butterflies.. Tim did for a while.. before i spent 8 hours listening to him talk.. before he told me he doesnt like to kiss.. doesnt want a relationship.. doesnt want kids.. and that he smokes dope everyday.. No offense to anyone that does.. but i grew up with a brother who got heavily into drugs and it fucked with him so bad that he wanted to kill me.. so bad that i dont want my little brother in my life anymore.. So i dont think i could date let alone look to a future with someone who reminded me of my bro. Its one thing to have mates who take drugs.. you dont have to be round them when they do.. but if you marry someone like that.. you have to be round that.. and well thats just not for me.. or any future kids i might have with them..
So im lonely... and depressed.. these past two weeks have been bad.. I have a huge assignment due on monday which will already be a day late.. and I cant start it.. I have 4 weeks of work to read first.. and ive only made a dent in week one.. its a struggle just to stay out of bed.. all i wanna do is find a man who loves me.. and fall asleep in his arms for a week... Im struggling at work cos of this depression thing.. Its been so good.. but works been getting quiet so im getting bored.. and with too much time to think.. im getting more in my head and more depressed...
Im wasting time on here.. when i should be doing the assignment.. Its 1:30am and im sitting here looking at tims name on msn.. wondering why he isnt chatting to me.. why he doesnt want me.. and why i care at all.. I was in this kinda stage the last time i ended up with dickface.. this is exactly the time when i should be avoiding boys... Im not right in the head...
Under all this though.. i know its not at all bad.. Im doing ok.. so dont worry.. Im just abit clouded over...
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| and she finally updates |
[22 May 2005|10:36pm] |
Lifes ok.. Last week was abit crap.. Suffered from bad PMS and seemed like everyone else at work was having the same issues... I was very glad for the weekend to start... So now its sunday night and im faced with another huge week.. I have an assignment to get done n thursday.. and have no idea what its about.. Im in denial about it all.. Ill deal with it on thursday...
My weekend was ok... I slept in til 2:30pm on saturday.. It was loverly.. Got up and went and saw my horse.. got some lunch and then came home.. Extremely antsy.. Spent a few hours msging everyone i knew tryingt o find something or someone to do.. Managed to organise out a night with my auntie? Well not that shes really my auntie.. more like an old mate.. anyways.. bronwyn, myself and a few of her mates headed to tom thumbs.. it had a queue a mile long so we decided to move onto the stanford... Mean while Id msged a boy called tim ive been trying to hook up with for 3 weeks now.. asking him to come along.. Around 12ish he msged back and said he couldnt come out but i was welcome to come over.. At the same time.. I noticed that an ex was at the pub i was at... i thought id gotten over his bad bad treatment.. and moved on.. but seeing him for the first time in 2 years I found myself feeling sick.. Sick because clearly I wasnt at all ready to forgive him.. ever.. and secondly sick because I cant that I was with him in the first place.. and that I stayed even when the guy was sleeping with god knows how many other chicks.. I realise now just how lonely and desperate i was when i met him.. and am grateful I took a two year break from guys so that i could sort myself out and not make the same mistake...
So with my ex only 5 ppl away from me.. I decided to take tim up on his offer and leave quickly... Even when i got to his house at 2am.. i thought to myself... what the fark am i doing at a guys house at 2am.. and well quite frankly it was to get laid! haha.. So Tim and I hung out... 6 hrs of chatting.. before finaly.. he admitted he was interested... The boy was alot of work... So needless to say I scratched that itch.. and it was nice..
Tims not interested in a relationship.. and im not that sure I am either.. Theres a few things about tim that dont quite fit.. and I know that maybe I should walk away.. but well I havent had a half decent sex buddy in so long... Id be silly to turn this one down.. The boy works 6 days a week 12 hours a day night shift.. so he has after 12am on sat nights and sundays.. when we play bball together to possibly hook up.. not quite the most available sex buddy.. but again.. id be silly to turn it down.. So im just gonna take it as it comes.. Im not in a rush to meet mr it.. or more importantly I cant be bothered looking.. If he happens to tap me on the shoulder one day then well id be happy.. but til then.. If the oppertunity keeps presenting itself.. Tim can keep me entertained..
I didnt get home til 10am.. i had to get up at 11am to go to a family lunch... its now 11pm and I havent slept.. Im wide awake.. even though ive been awake for way over 24 hours..
I hope everyone is happy.. and healthy... Love you all.. Miss
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| hi |
[12 May 2005|10:40pm] |
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Not really sure if anyone cares or reads this but just on the off chance there is someone haha.. I noticed i hadnt written for 2 weeks so i figured Id say hi... Life is good.. im happy.. Ill update on the weekend..
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| Single and finally content with it |
[01 May 2005|12:18am] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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About 15 mins ago, i was thinking about an ex that I thought made a huge difference in my life and I realised... How silly that was... Recently Ive seen him again.. around.. and I just dont get what all the stress was about.. I mean the sex was good.. Ill give him that.. but he's just not anything special.. I think i met him at a time in my life when I was just plain lonely.... and I settled.... Im not lonely anymore.. Infact I kinda have a cant be bothered getting fucked attitude haha.. Ive been chatting to a boy called John.. I loverly guy with a phD in geophysics, an animal lover.. a guy who I can talk to non stop.. For a while i was dead set on meeting him... Then he sent me some pictures of himself.. and I quickly realised I just wasnt going to be attracted to him... But the optimist in me thought.. well you never know.. he might be special.. he might have that something that grabs me... I was sposed to meet him this weekend.. But i txted him to tell him i had a hard week (which i did.. thats another story) and that i was sorry id have to postpone us meeting... His response was... "Thats cool, i wasnt holding my breath.. do what you need to do"... What the fark?? But thats cool.. i was happy.. that was my one excuse... Im not interested in someone who isnt holding their breath... I want someone who wants me.. I want someone I want.. and I couldnt care less if i meet him this week or in 2 years... I really dont give a shit.. My life is starting to pick up.. My job is good.. Ill have a house all to myself in less than a year.. my shits finally getting good... And to tell you the truth.. I cant be farked cleaning my filthy, animal sharing bedroom for someone.. I like waking next to my dogs.. I like having most of the bed.. And for the life of me.. i dont know when id fit in a man when i struggle to work full time and study as well... Im happy to wait for someone to chase me.. Someone to see me in the street and say wow I have to have you.. and yes i want to keep you...
I work at melb uni in the city... every day I see 10's of gorgeous guys.. im surrounded.. Im very inspired.. On friday.. on the tram to melb central.. i sat next to the most amazing looking boy with a gorgeous english accent.. and he smelt soooooo good.. The whole department I work in is filled with talented, amazing and sexc men (albeit most of them are married and therefore untouchable). Life is good.. and if one day i meet a guy worth my time.. I might just try and fit him in... til then... Im content with just window shopping :o)
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| The tumour and my back lol |
[17 Apr 2005|04:22pm] |
Hi all,
Thanks for all your msges.. Im ok.. I read the CT doctors letter to my doctor.. It reads:
No intercerebral bleeding. No extra axial collection seen. The grey/white matter differential appears normal. Theres some other stuff dont understand.. but mainly they couldnt find my old scans from 12 years ago... so they have nothing to compare it too.. I dont know if its bigger...
My brain tumor is on my right side behind my eye. Its in the shape of a snake going into my brain. The tumor itself is 9cm long, 3 cms wide and 5cms deep!
So no wonder I have headaches... Imagine your brain trying to share your head space with one of those haha..
Ive had an ok weekend.. I was useless all day friday after the scan and then saturday I rode flicker... For 3 hours.. He was loverly.. so nice..the training paid off really well.. the only issue I have now is him being scared of kangaroos... We crossed two of them in the bush.. and he was petrified.. it took all my strength to slow him to a trot.. Today Im in soooo much pain.. my back and shoulders are all out because I had to pull him back so hard... I feel like shit haha..
Got my first game of mixed bball tonight... not very interested in playin.. but its exercise so ill go.. Hope everyones well.. take care,Mel.
PS.. no boy problems to talk about cos theres no boys haha
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| cat scan fear |
[15 Apr 2005|07:21pm] |
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I had the cat scan today.. and cried thru the whole thing. Ive come to realise im petrified of testing.. mum thinks its cos i was never scared of it as a child. Like ive held it in all this time. Who knows.. all i know is that I cried today.. and not just silent tears, but screw your face up, sharking uncontrollably loud sobs of terror. And I have no explaination for it.. I was just petrified.. Still am. I have the scans, next weekend I have to meet with my doctor to see what he thinks. Wish me luck.
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| a cute email... and another shit boy... |
[10 Apr 2005|01:46am] |
I took this from my friend Amy's blog... she got it from her uncle doug... its sooo cute...
A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders.
1. Don't change horses..........................until they stop running.
2. Strike while the........................................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before.....................Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of ........ termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but ......... how?
6. Don't bite the hand that ...................... looks dirty.
7. No news is.................................................impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a ............................... Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new ............... math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ....... stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust ..................................... me.
12. The pen is mightier than the ................... pigs.
13. An idle mind is...............................the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's ................. pollution.
15. Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is ................................. not much.
17. Two's company, three's ...................... the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what .......... you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ........you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as .................... Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not ........... spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed ..................... get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you ........ see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind .................. get out of the way.
And the WINNER and last one!
25. Better late than ...................................pregnant.
Lifes going bye ok... Still got the killer headaches tho i spoke to one of the doctors i work with and apparently I could be getting headaches as a reaction to taking to many pain killers.. So this week ive been cutting down and drinking shit loads of water... Hopefully this week will be better...
Today i slept til 3pm.. I just couldnt get out of bed.. when i finally did.. i went to the movies.. and saw 'Guess who' It was great...
Tonight ive been home by myself... bored.. watching dvds.. Im feeling pretty alone.. but trying not to let it get to me.. About 12ish i got a pxt msg... so i opened it up and it was of a in his underpants resting his hand on his dick.. the pic didnt show his face.. it was just of his lower half.. or more rather just that section.. The picture was from that andy guy... I told him to lose my fucking number... I dont think its soo much that he sent the picture... although in the circumstances it was wrong... but I dont know.. Im just so sick of being disrespected.. I want to meet a man who will restore my faith in the stupid sex... ie..men.. I want to be loved.. and adored.. respected and persued...
I need to go to bed.. doubt ill sleep tho.. this weather is shit.. too hot... love you all.. bye
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