friends userinfo memories calender entries
[Nov.26.2002 @ 12:15am ]
[[hi I'm still around but with holidays the family stuff is taking up all my time I will be back around though so don't give up on me or think I left, I'm sorry Ryan didn't want to stay with us it makes me sad, but I really like writing Christina so I'm not going anywhere. Unless the community is gone or something.]]
1 truth + stripped + disclaimer

The Blue of My Oblivion [Nov.14.2002 @ 8:38pm ]
[ mood | huh? ]
[ music | fiona apple ]

I've been in Europe. I performed last night at the European VMAs.
Alot of you were there and some of you were nominated and some won.

It was a good night.

But today I am exhausted and jet lagged.

Today (all day) I've felt like I was moving underneath water. The rest of the world seemed to go at its usual pace, but I felt overly buoyant, unanchored, adrift. All my senses felt overloaded. I've been so lost in my thoughts (though I can't really pinpoint what those thoughts are) that when the phone rang or someone asked me a question I found myself shocked to be awake, to be working. being so disoriented is grating after a while - Its hard to keep up with people who are functioning on dry land when you feel as though you're gliding through the slow-motion smoothness of water.

I fucking hate jet-lag.

So I keep thinking of this song by Fiona Apple, because it explains my mood today so well....

Sullen Girl )

3 truths + stripped + disclaimer

[Nov.12.2002 @ 1:47pm ]
[ mood | no I wasn't into your drugs Em ]
[ music | :) Building a Mystery ]

the moon this week has looked like the imprint of the tip of a thumbnail pressed gently into a bowl of dark blue jello. the cresent is so sharp and delicate.

there are stars again, bright in the clear cool sky.

do me this favor - go out and look for saturn. it should be the brightest speck in the sky. look to the east, for a tawny orb. we have the best angle to see saturn's rings for the next three decades. if you have a telescope... find it.

if you're like me, (and alas, telescope-less) sit outside and look up wistfully, imagining the view magnification would provide.

also this: nov. 19th will be host to a meteor shower... the best viewing time will be in the very early morning wake up early and watch the stars falling into the morning's sunrise.

stripped + disclaimer

[Nov.09.2002 @ 2:02am ]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | paranoid android - radiohead ]

it's raining outside :)
i stepped out onto the balcony and took a deep breath.
it smells wonderful.
wet earth, and rain water.
i love this weather.

2 truths + stripped + disclaimer

pictures [Nov.09.2002 @ 12:38am ]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | What's Going On - many of us ]

Having Bono Here Reminded Me of This... )

3 truths + stripped + disclaimer

.....and all the world will love you just as long as you are..... [Nov.08.2002 @ 12:02am ]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | Bad Company - Shooting Star ]

Last night I sat on the roof for a little while. I had on a pair of jean shorts which was silly but I get warm pretty easily and they were comfortable and I threw on a flannel and I pretended like I used to. There was always me and this guy, no one specific ya know, just someone I used to pretend I was gonna meet. He would sit out there with me, put on his leather jacket and grab his guitar and we would sit huddled together sort of while he played songs for me. Now I have this one song stuck in my head but it amuses me. I have a cool roof. I want to have a party out there one of these days. I'd like to string some different color lights across the edges or chinese lanterns or something or maybe have a theme party or something a beach blanket party or maybe a Hawaiin theme. That could be fun and I know my friends would totally dig something like that. After all they love to dress up. Maybe when a warm spring day comes around again. For now the trees are beautiful and I love the leaves on the ground and driving underneath the boughs of red and yellow and orange and the wind. These things always make me feel so alive and at peace. I've always felt very connected with the weather and the moon of course.

Remembering it I feel mellow, I feel content. I'm not too worried about things and I think that's ok. I think it's ok to just be. I'm going up, I'm going somewhere. I don't know where yet but I have a feeling it's going to be good. The album's selling like wild and ya know only a few people are still callin me a skank so *laughing*. Maybe I can handle the fame, this time...I love my life right now.
That's new.
I haven't pierced anything in a long time, nothing needed to be let out or silenced. Maybe it's finally out and I can meet that guy I've always wished for and ya know, not let it go.

4 truths + stripped + disclaimer

[Nov.04.2002 @ 8:33pm ]
[ music | Soar ---> pimpin myself here ]

So today was TRL day?inside, so a damn sight warmer than last Friday, outside in the New York cold singing for the Today Show, but ya know that meant more, seemed more real and shit.
If you've ever been on TRL and maybe even if you haven't, you'll get what I mean here, when I say it's fake. Carson smiles while you're standing there and then stabs you in the back the second you turn around. He's all kissing my ass right now and saying the most embarrassing shit. Yeah embarrassing. I know I'm not supposed to get embarrassed because yo the video and the cover of Rolling Stone, but it's not like that. That's not me, that's the product ya know. I'm sellin my album and the song and that's what it's about. I don't regret doing it and I'm not ashamed of it. So for anyone thinkin they're gonna tell me I'm a whore or whatever, save it. I don't give a fuck and you don't know me. If you did, you'd know it ain't like that.
It's like I admire people like Will and Jada, that kinda love. It's not something you just find. Not if you're me anyway. I've met lots of guys and for the most part they aren't worth my time and the ones that are..Well I never seem to have enough time and they don't want a part time girlfriend.
So I work and then I come back home here and look out the penthouse window at the park. It's like having a window into another life. A place I wish I belonged but hey, I don't so instead I give my soul to the music and I look at the world through my window.
I know that the most majestic tree on my street was a vibrant, full yellow three days ago, I noticed as I left for the Today Show that morning. For days it had been working toward changing, but it was like it had turned its entire being to that autumn color almost overnight.

Yesterday morning it had dropped more than half of its leaves, and I was a little sad at the quickness of its shedding.

This morning all the leaves, save for a very fluttering few on the lower branches over the street, were scattered all over the ground, on the pavement, in the ditch, on the driveway. I was very sad to think its show could be over already.

I couldn't help but think how much like life that can be. Sometimes the most beautiful things are the ones that are so brief, and I remembered that little tale of the singing bird that thrusts itself upon a thorn in order to give up its song.... its sweet, short song.

It also reminds me that the sweetness of life is found in many glancing things, swiftly passing, almost like air by my face, and that I should take care to behold them all, and not try to hold on to them.

See in your hands the world is yours
Don't hold back and always know
All the answers you will unfold
What are you waiting for
Spread your wings and soar

stripped + disclaimer

I don't say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could. [Nov.02.2002 @ 3:36am ]
[ music | Uncle Kracker - In A Little While ]

Orsen Welles said that...How I know that I have no clue.
Sounded cool to me though.

Things went good this morning on the TODAY show. It was damn cold outside, still is, but alot of the fans were out there waiting to see me. Those girls in the chaps and panties! No way was I going out there in anything even close to that. Got the coat, hat, gloves...I felt bad for them, they had to be freezing. I wish I could have invited them all inside to get warm. Instead I stayed when they cheered and we ended up playing about 4 songs.

This weekend I'm just hanging out and relaxin here in the Big Apple. Gonna be on TRL on monday, so that oughta be cool...Carson is such a kiss ass though I hope he's not there. Quaduus (I cannot spell his damn, but he's such a good guy) would be better, at least he'll ask me about something other than my ass and not gush. I hate gushing. But Carson also talks me up big and any publicity is a good thing at least according to management, so whatever. Right now I'm just looking forward to my couple of days off.

The apartment here has an incredible fireplace in it and I know I saw some flakes of snow a few hours ago, before it got too dark to see them that is, and I'm putting on my flannel pj pants and tank top, all New York Giant's colors thanks to my brother Michael.

Well that's it for me, boring but hey it's late.

Night, oh one more thing. Some of you are soooooooo nice around here. Marshall always comments, making sure I'm never lonely and worries about my health (ie he thinks I have a drug problem) and A.J. is buying me clothes.
I'm feelin the love :)

9 truths + stripped + disclaimer

Phantom Night (also known as Christina's scary or not Halloween post) [Oct.31.2002 @ 2:42am ]
[ mood | spooky ]

I am a shadow lost among shadows known, moving by the trance that eludes me; towards the seducer whose seduction is its wildest call; a waking world closes and dreams begin to fall.

Is there a vision among the starry skies? Is there an uttermost realm of grave existence? I am led through this darkness, where light hangs low; misty and darker still, lying on my brow; 'til it finally opens to bright clear blue, and there, no realities are ever lost.

I falter for an embrace, a longing, a deeper kiss, that not even sleep cycles would break. Oh, only whispers will awaken phantoms of the night, moving beneath sweet, grey-skied bliss.

5 truths + stripped + disclaimer

"so let the darkness come again" [Oct.29.2002 @ 7:36pm ]
[ mood | vulnerable ]

Last night I had nightmares, all night long. I dreamt about paralysis and vulnerability, I relived past terrors again and again. I woke up with tears on my face... lying on the floor. I have no idea when I got out of my bed.

But now today I have this undercurrent of fragility as a result. these dreams are recurrent and every time I have them... I end up spending a few days feeling like an ancient china plate - still whole but lined with an infinite branching of fine cracks.

I hesitated to post about them, because that seems to make them more real... I know that isn't logical, but I hope it made sense. sometimes the most real things are the ones that aren't logical (or linear or empirical) at all.

I haven't had these dreams in a very long time. every time I think they are gone they come back again. I can't seem to pinpoint any one specific trigger... but tonight it won't be easy to go to sleep.

stripped + disclaimer

[Oct.27.2002 @ 7:31pm ]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | India Arie - Ready For Love ]

I really enjoyed myself while filling this out and yo I don't normally like quizzes. But this one was like, hey I'm really tellin something about myself here. I feel sorta like I just nestled into my favorite down comforter and awoke from a good dream.

The Impromptu Survey

Current book being read: Dead Souls by Ian Rankin

Things that I will never compromise on:
1) Music is why I'm here, the rest is how I stay here.
2) Beauty does not come in a bottle. I do not need make-up, hair dye, manicures, or the latest in fashion to be complete or beautiful. I am not my image.
3) I, alone, as I am, am enough.
4) The city beats the country.
5) The New York Giants are the best football team ever, even if they never win another game, because New York is New York.
6) It's okay to dream.

Favorite small details:
1) the beauty of the sky and it's everchanging cloud, light and color composition
2) the fresh earthy smell of the air after a long rain fall
3) breath on a window on a cold rainy day
4) eyelashes
5) a certain note in some songs--it's like a trigger into another world
6) The unmatchable blue of my mother's eyes
7) The moment before starting a new book, and the moment after reading the last page of a book.

Current Favorite pieces of art (in no particular order):
1) The Earth, or The Universe, insert your own artist or non-artist as fits you.
2) Flaming June--Leighton
3) Expectations--Alma Tadema
4) Stonehenge--unknown
5) The Pieta--Michelangelo

Fondest Dreams:
1) To have a piece of land on Long Island with a smallish warm cozy cottage, and a garden.
2) To be proud of myself.
3) A big floppy dog to roam with?my Wolfie
4) A bike to ride on narrow undriven roads.
5) To spend a great deal of time exploring Paris.

Favorite Children's Books:
1) The Little Princess by Burnett
2) Snow White and Rose Red.
3) The Grinch Who Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss.
4) The Witches, Madeline, and just about anything by by Roald Dahl.
5) The Last of the Really Great Wangdoodles by Andrews
6) Little Women by Alcott

4 truths + stripped + disclaimer

Vicky C's [Oct.26.2002 @ 5:49am ]
[ mood | creative ]
[ music | Britney - Not a Girl..not yet a woman ]

So, I found out today that I now get free underwear from Victoria's Secret. this makes me happy and a little uncomfortable.

And makes me think of my two favorite parts of the day that are part of my ritual:

1. showering in the morning. I love to watch the steam swirl in the morning with my just-awake sense of amazement and confusion. and then smells of lavender and juniper.. the textures, the feeling of soap and suds. The sensation of being alive and awake and comfortable of being okay and it being another day. Its a calm moment to myself before re-entering the world of people. Its yummy.

2. Changing clothes at the end of the day. Finally allowing myself release not just from the constriction of "the new look" but from the whole role. Then I put on clothes I can slosh around in and be comfy. Clothes that don't mind dirt or rain or paint getting on them. Shoes that don't make me hurt. And slowly I feel my mind returning to myself and away from that illusion.

I suppose they are both transitions - and they both mark the turning points of my day - Twin fulcrums upon which this sort of stylized existence centers. And at least I always have something to look forward to. :)

and hey new layout...I'm proud

5 truths + stripped + disclaimer

[Oct.22.2002 @ 11:49pm ]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | CNN - What? Think I don't watch the news ]

Hey yo, so I'm here in the journals writin or not...

Damn, ya know that's not all that's me. I'm more than the street slang and all that shit. I'm still Chris to my friends, but right now it's whatever sells the record and gets me noticed.
Maybe here I've found a place to just be me and not be what the public wants.
And if not yo, I can be dirrty too.

*laughs* Damn that even sounds dumb to me sometimes.

Later guys I'll write more soon.

2 truths + stripped + disclaimer

So where am I?
[ checking out | most recent entries ]
[best viewed on my monitor]
[ie5.5+ | 1024 x 768]
[layout created 26 Oct 2002]


"Pop is actually my least favorite kind of music, because it lacks real depth"

"I'm always so nervous before I go out on the stage, but once I'm out there it's my favorite place to be" * hums softly * "..I danced across the stages of the world…mmm, I love Stevie Nicks, I wish I could be like her."

AIM: Cant Be Christina
Please know that I will list you here if you are a member of Reality Unwoven. If you aren't listed don't get hurt feelings I just haven't gotten to it :P

[o] Ben
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