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feet to the stars, moon skulled

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(say you will be there)

[10 Sep 2004|04:02pm]
holy crap.
mirah is coming in one month. less than a month.

(2 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[06 May 2004|07:00pm]
[ music | stereo total ]

OKAY SO. BRAID MOTHER HELL REUNION CONCERT IN A MONTH. GERMANY IN A DAMNED WEEK AND A HALF AND I ET OFF RESTRICTION.

morissey has his own cover this month.
lou reed was on last month's.
wtf is this???

(say you will be there)

[07 Feb 2004|07:27pm]
ian core. k thanks.
it was the way
my thigh felt against
the cool car hood
that made me
like you so
and it was the way
a risk can run down
a spine that made
my blood race
as a few bleary eyes
stumbled to their cars
unaware
and it was the way
you took me with such
strength and stretched
me between the
moon and a chevrolet
that made me crave you so.

(1 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[30 Jan 2004|12:14pm]
i dont appreciate it.
i dont appreciate the apathy.
last night sucked.

(1 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[19 Jan 2004|11:20pm]
wow. im listening to the song. and hearing him tell me how much he loves me. and realizing that im a selfish little girl that needs to sit and think about waht i want. i love him.

(3 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[02 Jan 2004|06:03pm]
second worst day of my life.
i hate fucking days like this. i hate my age and whayt it brings. two days ago i was so happy nothing could have brought me down. ian and i hung out and stayed ont he phone until six am and i was on the phone the rest of the day and george and i were on good terms. and then fucking todays like this. last night ian kept calling me back later than he said he would call me the next day and he called four hours late. but i was supposed to spend the night at haleys and will comes to pick me up and the y make me look like this biggest ass in front of them yelling at me and then angela and i couldnt do anything and then they tell me i cant go tot he movie with allie like i ifrst planned and then they say i cant go to barnes and nobles with vince and megan cant come over. because i didnt take a trash box down stairs and because i didnt have enough responsibility to ask who was coming to pikc me up. i want tori back. i wish i had someone that would make me feel better.

(1 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[29 Dec 2003|08:49pm]
Angry Fiona Apple
You are the ANGRY Fiona Apple. Your rage and/or
bitterness is starting to overflow.


Which Fiona Apple are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


har har har

(3 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[26 Dec 2003|02:26pm]
[ music | finch ]

belleofthebrawlX [2:19 PM]: and for some reaosn
belleofthebrawlX [2:19 PM]: i can picture you in a chair like..rocking back and forth. trying to understand something. drooling.
belleofthebrawlX [2:19 PM]: and it was so mean.
belleofthebrawlX [2:19 PM]: and i cant stop these pcitures. they just come.
Secondhandtic [2:21 PM]: hahahhahaha
Secondhandtic [2:21 PM]: hahahaha
Secondhandtic [2:21 PM]: ohmygosh h ahaha
Secondhandtic [2:22 PM]: thanks man. in case i ever need an ego boost ill hit you up. i could sell your little one liners to emo kids.
belleofthebrawlX [2:23 PM]: like when i see "furniture liquidation" on stores. i picture all the furniture melted. or the store melting and everyone running out.
belleofthebrawlX [2:23 PM]: haha
Secondhandtic [2:24 PM]: i get the same things, except mine would be like yours just on alot of acid
belleofthebrawlX [2:24 PM]: HAHAHAHHAHAAH


lmfao hahahahhaha

(1 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[25 Dec 2003|01:03pm]
my brother is better than anyone.
k thanks.

(4 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[22 Dec 2003|11:28pm]
[ music | the fan. ]

stop stealing that quiz!
i am in the worst mood. no one will talk to me. actually people will talk just not the ones i want to talk to me.


somebody make my night better. please

(4 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[20 Dec 2003|11:01pm]
[ music | ted leo and the pharmacists- dial up ]

//10 cd's you've been listening a lot to lately
1.saves the day-
2. mewithoutYou
3. bright eyes
4. cursive
5. velvet underground
6.mates of state
7. four tops
8. every time i die
9. the amps
10. Taking Back Sunday
//09 things you look forward to
1. Getting my own car.
2. talking to him
3. seeing him
4. the shows i do get to go to
5. seeing people i rarely get to see
6. sitting in my p jammy jams
7. Christmas.
8. leaving this forsaken town
9. being in art next semester
//8 things you like to wear
1. my second hand tennis shoes
2. my pin flowers
2. My converse
3. My brown pants
4. the hottest shoes EVER; the black pumps
5. sweaters
6. layering my shirts, whatever it may be
7. Fishnets.
8. the hott purse
//07 things that annoy you
1. macons scene kids
2. immature people
3. when i hurt myself; emotionally
4. How it's soooooo cold when I get out of the shower.
5. grover
6. when kat doesnt talk
7. how i only get messages sporadically
//06 things you say most days
1. oh man
2. lame
3. sweet
4. yes mam no mam
5. yes sir no sir
6. why are my friends brothers hott?!
//05 things you do everyday
1. get so fresh and so clean clean
2. update my journal
3. get online
4. smile
5. listen to music
//04 people you want to spend more time with
1. the
2. people
3. i
4. love
//03 movies you could watch over and over again
1. requiem for a dream
2. home alone
3. american beauty
//03of your favorite songs at the moment
1. stereo total- i love you ono
2. kill sadie-cocktail party effect
3. le tigre- deceptacon
//01 person you could spend the rest of your life with
1.I don't have one.
NUMBER OF.
- piercings: 0
- tattoos: none
- height: 5'6
- shoe size: 8
- hair color: brown
- siblings: 1
LAST.
- movie you rented: beetle juice

- song you listened to: mazzy star-rhymes of an hour
- song that was stuck in your head: not waving but drowing- untitled in d
- person you've called: hayley
- person that's called you: beau
- tv show you've watched: most extreme hardcore (japanesians)
- person you were thinking of: george
- you have a crush on someone: I will refrain from speaking of such things.
- you wish you could live somewhere else: damn straight
- think about suicide: About as much as every other human being on planet earth.
- you believe in online dating: ah ha ha ha ha........okay.
- others find you attractive: just so i dont think about suicide more than the average human being
- you want more piercings: yes yes
-rink: Juice......lots of juice.
- you do drugs: no mam
you smoke: Not anymore.
- you like cleaning: Fuck no......never have........
- you write in cursive or print: shit
FAVORITE.
- food: potatoes
- thing to do: be with people i love
- thing to talk about: fingernails, penis or...
- drinks: apple juice or orange juice. or ginger ale
- clothes: brown pants
- movies: american beauty
- holiday: christmas
HAVE YOU.
- ever cried over a girl: are you kidding me!? yes
- ever cried over a boy: yes.
- ever lied to someone: Yeah.
- ever been in a fist fight: no
- ever been arrested: haha no
WHAT.
- shampoo do you use: kangaroo or matriz brand. it smells devine
- shoes do you wear: saucony's or cnverse
- are you scared of: Leaving everything and everyone I've ever known.
- of times I have been in love: Once
- of times I have had my heart broken: hot damn would it be too cliche to say thats my life?
- of hearts I have broken: if i said none i would be lying
- of girls I have kissed: lots
- of boys I have kissed: not a lots
- of girls I've slept with: I am really starting to not like these questions.......
- of boys I've slept with: none
- of drugs taken illegally: once and it doesnt count
- of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends: I could count them on one hand and I would probably have a finger or two left.
- of people I consider my enemies: i would need a few fingers if i were to count on my hand
- of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: maybe once
- of scars on my body: im not even going there
- of things in my past that I regret: live and learn
FAVORITE.
- disney movie: finding nemo
- word: penis
- nickname: roline
- eye color: green?
- flower: tiger lily
- piercing: lips.
- actress: MARILYN MONROE
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.
- pretty: no
- funny: no
- hot: fuck you
- friendly: I'd like to think so.
- amusing: I think so
- ugly: what with my acne and my fat? definitely not. it turns people on.
- loveable: Hopefully.
- caring: yes i would like to say
- sweet: yes
drky: Oh, all the time.
DESCRIBE YOUR.
[ x ] Wallet – khaki
[ x ] Hairbrush - black?
[ x ] Toothbrush - red. one dollar from a horse hair wig place. keep it real.
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily – ring. and watch. my locket.
[ x ] Pillow cover – black.
[ x ] Blanket – White.
[ x ] Coffee cup –whatever the gas station has for me
[ x ] Sunglasses - black.
[ x ] Underwear – the best
[ x ] Favorite shirt - my new sweater.
[ x ] Perfume/cologne-bath and body works
[ x ] CD in stereo right now – burned
[ x ] Tattoos – I got none.
[ x ] Piercings – none.
[ x ] What you are wearing now –my black t shirt and my skirt i made. badow.
[ x ] In my mouth - blue sweet tart
[ x ] In my head – eh
[ x ] Wishing – I was somewhere else.
[ x ] After this – sleep time
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now – brandon
[ x ] Is next to you right now – make up and a straightener
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month- Christmas
[ x ] The last thing you ate – pop corn at toris
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of – dying without loving, not being able to have kids, not talking to george again
[ x ] Do you like candles – Of course.
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood – LAME.
[ x ] Do you believe in love -depends on the person
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - YES.
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die – be at rest.
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be –A kaola bear.
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up –4
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks – no sir.
[ x ] What's your favorite coin – the one with the indian

sdfuedgbefgb. see. what happens when im bored.

(say you will be there)

[19 Dec 2003|11:48pm]
[ music | xiu xiu- poe poe ]

the show at the rookery tonight went well, alot better than expected.
i dont have anything to say, tori, youre right. when you write in xanga, youre blank for blurty.
okay well this weekend has been one of the best, ever.

(2 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

"forget fire and satan, hell is strobe lights and good charlotte"- man of the evening [18 Dec 2003|11:37pm]
[ music | huggy bear-pansy twist ]

i didnt want or expect to have this much fun tonight
or almost hit a van and die
or to drive arond aimlessly
or for him to take me to go to the playground and we swing
and man i didnt want to have fun

fin

(2 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[16 Dec 2003|10:40pm]
[ music | taking back sunday-head club ]

i mean i really do hate days like these. i really do hate listening to taking back sunday and reminding me of dixon signing on the phone or the week after goerge and i broke up the first time and all he would listen to would be taking back sunday. and how much all of their lyrics reminded me of every detail of wes's car.
i dont understand what it is. tomorrow i could go to jarons band shin dig or go to the play with patty. and fridya i could go to the dance with young or go to a show with ian and i know none of it means anything. i got more excited about seeing george at the movies then i do with getting dressed up and going to a dance and bowling with seniors. i really want to hang out with tori though tomorrow. and i get this feeling that rachael doesnt like me even though i didnt do anything to her. no surprise thats the number one band wagon being jumped on now.
k thanks.

-emooooooooooooooo

(8 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[15 Dec 2003|07:25pm]
[ music | biffy clyro- stress on the sky ]

im going to suck so much with finals. i dont know a thing about osmosis, homeostasis, covalent bonds.
im so confused i dont know waht to do.
i hate my age i really do. i hate being so selfish. i hate fighting with myself to be happy when i have more than i could ask for. i can never be happy with what i have. i hate that none of my relationships are the same. i want to go out. i want to date other people. i want to go out with bud. or young. or jaron. or keep a relationship with swole. or goose. or blair. or mandi. i want to stay friends with everyone from the summer.
but anyways. my mom and i havent fought in a long time. that is a definite thumbs up. and the dance is friday. tori are you still going to do my hurr? were going bowling out to eat and then to the dance i really dont want to. but the moon and the sun rising sure was pretty this morning. i really like looking up to the stars these days.

(15 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[14 Dec 2003|07:13pm]
[ music | eighteen visions- you broke like glass ]

im so tired of macon. i dont care who signs this thing anynomously. if they cant sign their name then their opinion isnt worth it.
why the hell cant anyone around her stay true to themselves. i surround myself with people that try not to be the cliche normal teenager, but theyre all the same. they need to be long to the scene, no matter what. deny your friends, talk about them, but then when it comes down to it you are the best of friends with them. i dont understand what it is about me. why these kids that dont know me dont like me, read my journal and report to others about my life and what social injustices i do to them in my journal. christmas is soon. i am so thankful for everything i do have. but why is it the people i would give my life to, the people i love the most just dont care.

(11 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

got the rock n roll pneumonia i need a shot of rythym and blues [10 Dec 2003|06:28pm]
[ music | reversal of man-get the kid with the side burns ]

i hate mass media. i hate media. i hate ellegirl. where the hell do they get off exploiting the only thing we have as our own? if the bands are good enough as writers make them out to be, they dont need damn articles on their vintage style or their beautiful eyes. let them get their own fan base. bands mentioned in the new ellegirl:
-PAGES OF Tegan and sara.
-Cat Power (twice)
-The Yeah Yeah Yeahs (three times) drummer nick zinner is number 17 on the HOTTEST GUY ROCKERS. ~*w00t*~
-Cover girl mischa brings up the sex pistols. like shes some damned punk persona. THE SEX PISTOLS WERE DRUNK BASTARDS WHO WERE ON A RECORD COMPANY THAT SUPPORTED WAR. PUNK ROCK!!
-Conor Oberst, 3rd hottest guy in rock. why cant a magazine put him in a magazine because he portrays human emotion so well?!?!
-The faint
-Cursive
-le tigre
-at the drive in
-mars volta
-THE SHINS. "indie pop suited for anyone who likes it weird and sweet". most of the people didnt like it because it sounded like "an old navy commercial"
-the rapture
-blonde redhead
-portishead
OKAY GALS AND BOYS LOOK FORWARD TO NEW HOT TOPIC TRENDIES AND TEENY BOPPERS TAKING OVER THE MUSIC. rock on.
how i could be so agaisnt myself right now i dont understand
i want to go back to those weeks ago when i appreciated everything i ahd and i wore a smile everyday.
and right now i cant get anythng out of my head except the negative.
like how we found out my grandmother has cancer. that has a seventy percent chance of turning into leukemia, and no matter what she has to go through chemo.
my mom might be staying with her for awhile. because my aunt "cant be put through this" and my other aunt is so selfish.
and i cant help but feel like everyone is slipping away. and while at the hospital tonight, i was thinking about all the people ive lost. denny and i talked for twenty minutes during lunch today, and he told me that him john and ben are going to california for christmas for allison. i cant put into words how much i wish i could be that selfish to go cross country for the person i love. and to know that someone would do that. but i just searched my grandmothers face as she slept, thats all she does since shes been in the hospital and i couldnt find anything. these nights turn darker soon every night, and i dont appreciate it. i want to look at the sun for as long as i can, because the stars just dont shine like they used to. i liked the summer. i like knewing that people cared. every day in car pool, when were in the hall and when tripp talks to tori, my heart, my stomach sinking. and my heart. i hate how selfish i am. i hate the fact that i get so mad when tori hangs out with different people. maybe it is just cause, maybe because they do dislike me right? i hate it i hate this feeling. i hate it she has good times with all those people that slander my name. i hate that i want to have fun with them too but i ended it. i hate that its my fault. i hate that theres notihng i can do anymore. theres nothing i can do about anything. ive lost tripp and all of my friends from last year. basically. megan doesnt give a shit what i have to say now. i walk into biology and tell her my grandmother has cancer and she has nothing to say. i hate it i expect so much of people. i hate it brigitte and i dont talk anymore. i hate it katie and i dont talk anymore.
i hate that i made all these friends that seem to last for months. i wont see patty anymore. i wont see jessie. or kristen or jessica or keen or anyone.
i hate what i put my family through. i want to bring home a's for them. i want to be their poster child but i cant let myself do that. i want to be my own self. and i hate that i make it this big deal.
i hate that i cant go to ians show next friday because of young. i hate that i cant hang out with blair.
i hate that allie cant hang out. i hate this fucking melodramatic attitude i have right now.

(4 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[09 Dec 2003|10:58pm]
[ music | magnetic fields-lets pretend were bunny rabbits ]

oh man.
this week has been good except for me throwing up all day today.
i found the hottest dress, truly.
went to Jesus convention today. and to find a shawl and some hose t go with the dress.
after calling tori a few times it ended up being me angela haley will and hannah.
its really weird to see the two of them together.
but also blair called today and asked me to meet him a j cup. why cant i keep my phone on.
and i watched mr.rogers during all of ym hours home today, and enjoyed a full band playing christmas carols.
thast right tori, a black man in a yellow sweater with moose on it, playing the tuba.
leave it up to mr.rogers to sex it up. hard core rockers. sheesh.

oh and merry hard core holiday xxmasx to mr_alligator

(5 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[06 Dec 2003|07:58pm]
[ music | icarus line- fuck the scene ]

so it turns out i did get to go to the party, i would love to upload them. i would definitely say ben austin had the best costume as an eighties basket ball player. i dont knwo i think dena and i made some hot ass fairies. whats damn funny is that tori adn i were at two totally different scenes. i was with all the drama theatre "emo" kids while tori was with the ...how would you describe them? i dont think you could. basically just at the show/liz reeds. and this time i didnt get upset that she was with the people dislike me. maybe a step forward, i hope.
and it also turns out that i am going to the dance with young, not as big of a deal as everyone is making it. my mom is telling everyone im now the "social butterfly" because im going to a dance with a senior. this house is built on showing off and money. its getting so old but who am i to complain. christmas is soon and ill see my family and i cant wait. i dont see the kids except for once a year. i remember a mere few years ago i wanted christmas to come so bad so i could show off my new clothes, my new everything. this year its so much better. im getting a camera and the limit is three cds; and im okay with that. it does piss me off that calder was going to be equal and get a guitar and amp, but my parents said that since he doesnt live here he gets more for christmas. whatever, haters.
but today was a good day. i liked it. went to my church for the first time in a month, libby was there. as well as hannah and haley, making the girl on girl fondling and jokes an ovreload. but it was DEELARIOUS.
and young came over to meet my parents. too exiciting, breathe.
and allie i think i know what i t is. you dont care nor do you try.

(4 wont pick up the phone xxx say you will be there)

[03 Dec 2003|06:35pm]
it is when youre denied everything anything is possible.
i try to remember that. but what is there to gain after tonight. allie cant talk to me anymore. i cant go to the dance with young. i cant do to ben austins and pat's party saturday night. im on restriction. my mom is "disgusted at the thought of me". when the hell am i going to grow up and get out of this. i cant keep fighting and trying to make amends with someone that doesnt want to recognize me as their daughter. she is my mom i know she loves me. but she just cant show it. ive lost so many people, and even the ones i do have dont care. i want to remember waht it feels like to go home, havea bad day and know that somebody cares. to know that someone will listen.
and to know that no one does care. well thats just what im going to wear on my shirt and accept the apathetic stares.
i had so much to look forward to. and now i have nothing to wake up to and smile for. excuse me mrs.goldfarb.
and allie doesnt even care it meant nothing anyways. months of friendship ended with a whimper and disappointment

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