Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in miss military's Blurty:

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Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
8:04 am	long time no entry... hey people... long time no entry. ive been missing my blurty a lot lately. i guess ill catch yall up in like a crash coarse of the past 2 months. im dating someone now. actually, its been longer than 2 months since i wrote in here cause we have been dating for almost 3 months. anyway, besides the new b/f i have been shopping like a maniac and buying everything i can get my hands on. i went to the bamboozle on may 1st in asbury park, and as yall guessed mcr totally kicked ass. next stop on my concert schedule will be vans warped tour in august. mcr will be there too. yeah!!! erick and i still talk, hardly ever but we still talk. billy and i are really good friends now too. he confessed to being in love with some girl and i was like... umm... ok. (im not even gonna go there with that one.) kris and i never spoke again since the fight we had which sucks cause he was so cool. i tried writing him and he wont speak to me at all. work still sucks. besides that... i dont know. well, gotta run people. peace... Current Mood: anxious Current Music: "i'm not okay (i promise)" by my chemical romance (Comment on this)
Monday, February 14th, 2005
9:56 pm	valentine schmalentine... ok people... i am not one for valentines day. valentines day is a gip, a rip-off, a sham. i mean, whats the point? why do we have to show our loved ones one day a year that we care about them? why not show them every day? why spend like twice the amount on a gift thats just gonna die or collect dust anyway? may i make a suggestion? crankycupid.com. thats right. if yall feel like i do, then check it out. have a sucky holiday yall... Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: "special" by garbage (Comment on this)
Monday, February 7th, 2005
9:36 pm	i havent written in a few days, guess thats cause my life sucks and there really isnt anything new to add to this journal. oh yeah, heres some news your yall... i got dissed once again by "c". i think im done talking to him now. and "e", dont even get me started with that whole scenerio. he told me off last night and all i could do was sit there like an idiot with my mouth hanging down to the floor. yup, didnt see that coming though. he is the calmest person i know, so it really was unexpected. its safe to assume that "b" isnt speaking to me any longer. we start talking about things and he always has to get me going. he just has to challenge me and i hate that. so here we are, having this discussion, when all of a sudden it blows up in my face. i get like all pissed off and basically tell him to piss off. i storm off and jump into bed and then im laying there for like an hour cause i cant sleep. its the conscience again... i hate that. so i get back on line and apologize, but to no avail. i try calling his cell, like 10 times, but i keep hanging up before he answers cause now im thinking that he should be the one to apologize for a change. umm... that didnt happen. so the next morning im waiting for my usual email... nothing. that night... nothing. hmm... not looking to good. so i decide to suck up. now i pour my heart out in this email and again... nothing. now, heres my chance. i see him get online. for sure hes gonna write me back. nope, nothing. so last night i decide to be the bigger person and send him a message on his messenger. he looks at it and jumps offline. ok. i feel real dumb now. guess i have done him wrong one too many times. so, whats that saying i love so much? oh yeah, what comes around goes around. but why does it have to keep coming back to me? Current Mood: blah Current Music: "rearranged" by limp bizkit (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
10:15 pm	after work i went to see maureen kanka speak about her daughter megan. i have a daughter so i wanted to make sure i saw her and i wanted to keep informed about megan's law. so, now i just got in and its 10:15 or so. i have to be up early cause i work an hour away from home and i have to be on a conference call in the morning by 8:15 am. omg... im sure ill be asleep at my desk after about 5 minutes. thats just what i wanna hear at 8:15 in the morning, my boring ass boss. all hes gonna ask is "hows business going" and "how many of you made your goals" or something completely rediculous like that. what a waste of my beauty sleep.... Current Mood: tired Current Music: "welcome to my life" by simple plan (live version) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
10:22 pm	alright... my job sucks, my supervisor sucks, my friends all suck. yup, that about sums it up. i have no further comments to add. buh bye... Current Mood: blah Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
9:17 pm	i just got done talking to erick, we are speaking again. i know, kinda hard to believe after my meltdown the other day. now i just have to worry about "b". hes been having some kind of problem at work or something and hasnt really talked to me in 2 days. umm... ok. whats up with that? you would think he would wanna tell me, but nope. he wrote me a few tiny emails, but other than that i have gotten hosed. oh well, i guess i am not the only person to get moody. i may be the queen of the moody people, but guys are a lot worse... Current Mood: moody Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Monday, January 31st, 2005
9:50 pm	ok, im way too tired to make an entry tonight, nothing new to report anyway. good night... Current Mood: tired Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 30th, 2005
11:29 pm	im really tired and exhausted, but not like you would think. i dont mean i need sleep, i am drained emotionally. but i finally think that good luck may be coming my way now. inspite of the fight between erick and me, billy and i are getting along great again. im glad hes a good friend that i can now depend on. im glad hes decided to give me another chance. i know i can trust him and thats something i really need right now... Current Mood: touched Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 29th, 2005
10:56 pm	it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong in my life has. i dont even know where to start. i am missing "c" more than anything now. i just want him to come home. it was so much easier to lean on him when he was here with me. i have been really depressed lately too. everything at work is falling apart, "b" and i have been fighting a lot, and "e" isnt even really talking to me anymore. i dont know where i can turn. i have no one to lean on anymore. hopefully this bad luck streak is almost over now. but for now, ill just get back in bed and hide out in my blankies... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: "flying without wings" by ruben studdard (Comment on this)
Friday, January 28th, 2005
8:45 pm	im way to tired to make a real entry. i had an extremely exhausting day at work. i worked my ass off at the bank, almost got sued by a client, and almost let a coworker take the fall. then i had a sudden attack of good conscience and fessed up to what i had done though. and was it worth it in the end? hell no. i still got yelled at by my boss. yup, that was my wonderful day. time to go hide out in the blankies... good night. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 27th, 2005
9:42 pm	i finally heard from erick, and wanna know how excited i am about it? umm... woo hoo, yippy, and lets see... maybe a hurray? yup, thats the extent of my happiness. i was so excited to see he was ok and he write like 5 lines. thats it, thats all? thats all im worth? no nice emails? no happy late birthday wishes? no explanation of where he has been for over a week? i really feel hosed. i keep thinking that im dreaming this. how could someone so caring and nice be so totally stupid? i cant even comment any longer. im just done. im drained. i have nothing else to say, except is he for real? the the hell is up with that? i just dont know... Current Mood: drained Current Music: "true" by ryan cabrera (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 26th, 2005
10:34 pm	ok, im really worried about erick. for all of you that dont know me, erick is my best friend ever. i love him like he is my brother. i trust him with my life. now, i know i have complained about him before, you know, the whole not visiting me when he comes home from iraq thing, but this time im really worried. he hasnt written me in days which is so not like him. he always writes, even when he cant chat, he writes just to let me know hes safe. when he left for kuwait, he texted my phone to let me know he was leaving. when he arrived, he texted me to let me know he landed safely. now its been like a week and nothing. not one single word. not a text, not a call, nothing. now, this is where it gets tricky... he is married and has kids. his wife hates me. if something ever happened to him there, i would never know cause she wouldnt call me to let me know. his roommate supposedly knows about me. im hoping he would call if something ever happened, but you know, thats probably never gonna happen. so now what? i dont know what to do. if something happens to him, ill die. i cant make it without him. he means everything to me. besides this, there is nothing else even worth mentioning. of coarse "k" hates me. i wrote him an email and nothing. and "b" is pissed at me again, big surprise there. i give up. i would trade them all in if i could just know where erick is... Current Mood: worried Current Music: "i miss you" by blink 182 (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
11:29 pm	didnt write last night. too tired and pissed to really make an entry tonight. good night... Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
11:49 pm	ok, so today is the birthday. omg... im 30, im older than dirt. so anyway, here the scoop. "b" and i worked everything out. the other "k" and i talked. and still nothing from "k". so tonights entry will be a little different. im putting down my birthday info. heres a list of birthday firsts... ~first happy birthday- kay ~first online happy birthday- serdar ~first birthday fight- jeff ~first birthday phone call- mom ~best happy birthday- billy ~biggest bday blowoffs- boo / erick ~first before bday happy bday- kim ~first happy bday overseas- chandan ~latest bday wish- sister ~bday regret- not going out with kris like we planned ~last happy bday- kris b HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! GOOD NIGHT... *ps- fyi... tonight will be the last entry including "k". i know i said yesterday i was going to remove him, but its still hard for me. maybe tomorrow i will take him off my messenger list. i need to move on... Current Mood: content Current Music: "flying without wings" by ruben studdard (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
11:36 pm	how do i know i love you? you ask how do i know i love you. good question. it could be that when i look at you i see a kind heart. it may be that i cant get you out of my head. it may be the fact that my heart tells me so. i look into your eyes, and without a single word i know what your thinking. we are one person, the same person. one heart. one mind. one love. one life. friends. lovers. enemies. one in the same. you are me, as i am you... Current Mood: jubilant Current Music: "faint" by linkin park (Comment on this)
11:08 pm	ok, im snowed in tonight and its really boring. no one good is online tonight. i was supposed to hook up with some friends for my birthday (which is tomorrow) but since its snowing im not going out. "b" hasnt been online at all today and it sucks. "k" hasnt been on either, not that i would write him anyway. ive decided to take him off my messenger list tonight. i havent done it yet but i will. i havent had the strength to remove him yet cause im still bumming about the fact he hates me. but oh well, what can you do? besides that, everything is everything. going to hide out in bed now. time to get under the blankies and watch talk sex. peace... Current Mood: blank Current Music: "the end" by the doors (Comment on this)
Friday, January 21st, 2005
10:51 pm	i just dont get it. i used to think it was the guys that i talk to, but now i see that its just me. i guess im a complete loser and thats why ive been fighting with all my best guy friends lately. i have to except a lot of things i dont want too, and one thing is that "k" hates me now. i guess i should just let him go now, but i cant. he was so cool and i blew it. we havent known each other that long either, and im already lost without him. what did i do before we started talking? who did i spend all my time with? i am so lonely without him already, but i wont let him know that. ive decided not to call him again or message him anymore. ill just accept that i lost him as a friend and let it go if i can. ugh... next issue i have with a guy is with "b". he isnt speaking to me at all anymore. i emailed him from work today and nothing. i messaged him earlier and nothing. ok, whats up with that? what did i do to deserve this? well, i know what i did, and it wasnt that big of a deal. i made a bad joke with him and he took it completely out of context. i cant believe that someone with such a great personality and great sense of humor could think that my comments were so offensive. hes known me for how long and he thinks i would actually be that way? wow, he must really think that little of me. now that sucks... i almost forgot about "e". yesterday i had an arguement with him too. he had to put me in my place. i demand a lot of time from him and he doesnt mind it at all. but we made plans to get together when he comes home from iraq. now, our plans have been set for months. he suddenly springs it on me that rather than come see me first, hes going home first. (umm... im in new jersey and he lives in germany)... ok. so when does he think hes getting another chance to come here to visit? i understand his wife and kids are important to him, but arent i important too? i wont see him till he moves back to the states now. hes my best friend and i really need him now more than ever. how can i go that long without seeing him? i wont make it. i guess i got what i deserved. between kris and billy i dont know what to do anymore. i guess its time to clean out my messenger list and start over from the beginning. or maybe i should just chat on another id so they cant find me again. either way im sorry about losing two people i care about a lot. wow, i just realized that i have a conscience, and i know i dont like it... i dont like it at all... Current Mood: confused Current Music: "you raise me up" by josh groban (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 20th, 2005
10:31 pm	ok... im completely depressed. i feel like i lost my better half. i know he hates me right now and i cant even tell him im sorry. i called, i wrote, and nothing. i dont know what else to do. i apologized to him and everything, and still nothing. now let me fill you in, for those of you who dont know me... i never apologize to anyone. if i have to apologize, its never sincere, but this time it was. i really liked talking to him and i ruined it. i dont know what else i can do. i mean, you can only beg someones forgiveness for so long. i have never felt so awful in my life. he really was my other half... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: "i miss you" by blink 182 (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
9:18 pm	ok... i didnt write last night and no need to report today either. men suck... good night. Current Mood: crappy Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Monday, January 17th, 2005
10:32 pm	i am tired. not tired like i need to sleep, just tired as in drained. these people are sucking the life right out of me. i just need some new friends. maybe i should ditch all of them and start over. after all, i am done with all of them anyway... and i still cant believe that "k" dissed me. whats up with that? i should have known that he was way to good to be true. heres a word of advice ladies... if they seem to good to be true, they usually are.... Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: "rumors" by lindsay lohan (Comment on this)