| Tahnk You.... |
[10 Dec 2005|11:42am] |
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apathetic |
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No music |
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In the morning, laying in my bet and he says: "Darling you have such a big but and such small boobs. It`s fun" he says. Yes o.k i know taht. I hear that very often. Anyway it hurts so much. But when i am saying that it hurts, than he become angry with me. So i learned to shut my mouth. it`s true, i haven`t such big boobs and my but isn`t small like that from a model, but i am not ugly i think. But it doesn`t matter. Later that morning we drunk Cappucino and I spilled it by mistake in the car. He was so angry. It`s just a fucking car and it`s washable( i thought). We get out of the car. i whanted to taste his cappucino and it was too hot. i spat it out of my mouth on the street and he says: " Oh god pleace behave". That hurts so much. everything i do is wrong. I started to crying because it was to much for one morning. In this moment he makes me thinking about of how my past was. So many people (I thought that they were my friends) maked jokes about me, because of my bearishness and because i was just 14 and they were 18. at that time i was happy to share my freetime with others, because at home i lived in hell. No nice time for me.....back to the street. he makes me remind on that time. I told him why i was crying and i thought he like to excuse for that, but he just fired out another stupid thing: "i hope you get along with your ex and you guys come together again". Oh, please....how could he say that. I sayd:" shut your mouth" and i drove alone at home....nice morning i think
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[07 Dec 2005|03:52pm] |
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mood |
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frustrated |
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music |
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The Rolling Stones-Lady Jane |
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I am almost 20, have the university-entrance diploma but no future in this damn country named Germany. I have no apprenticeship. I would like to study, but therefore i have no bravery and honestly: i don`t know what to study. Everything that is interesting for me don`t exist as learningcase. By all means not in Germany. Now i work sometimes in some locations to accumulate my self and to find out what alternatives exist. I feel dirty. Sometimes i wish i could start courage and go to another country. A new beginning. That is no elegy. The most time i fell good, but it is helpfully to write down my own sorrows. Maybe some people understand me...
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