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Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
9:16 pm - whoa
Goodness, it's been forever. So much has happened too. One of the main reasons why I haven't updated in oh, 6 MONTHS is that my computer died on me late in the last semester of college. Ouch. That was heartbreaking. I just woke up one morning, it froze, and then it wouldn't boot up after that. I spent 2 hours with a couple computer guys in the help desk office and then had a real computer engineer look at it. All agreed that it was completely fried. Poor thing.

I became a godmother to Brittany's son in April. Then I graduated from college. I'll describe more about it on a later day. Then I spent 2 months hanging around and looking for jobs. I visited Ryan a couple times and had a couple interviews. Then I got a job with Target in Ohio. That's where I am now. We had a tree fall in our yard 2 days before my graduation party. The day after the party Ryan and I drove out to Columbus so I could start my job. I've looked at a couple apartments and found one, and now I'm just waiting til I can move in. My parents gave me the Nissan, which was very nice of them. So now I'm just starting the whole adult thing. Crazy, isn't it?

There's much more, but I have to go iron my work clothes. Yes, I really do have a job. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: chipper

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Sunday, February 11th, 2007
1:20 pm
This semester is very busy, but I do like having something to do. I feel more productive. Amnesty is having a info table on torture on Weds. and I have 2 papers coming up and an ethical problems test tomorrow. I'm convinced that Dr. Kehoe doesn't like me for some reason. I loathe multi ethnic lit, although Dr. Kerr is very nice and I feel bad about being bitter about the material she uses. American cultural history is ok, but it's full of people I don't know and who don't like to talk.

My most annoying problem lately is that I keep waking up throughout the night. The alarm will be set for 9:35am or so and I find myself waking up before 7am. One day I woke up to see that the clock said 4:30am. Ugh. I think it makes me more tired throughout the day. I feel like an infant whose main objective is to sleep the whole night.

I'm going to Columbus to visit Ryan this weekend, hooray! I'm excited. I've realized just how much I want this job with Prentice Hall, not just so I can move out there, but it seems like the job for me. That elusive job I won't dread going to every morning. I've also decided I want to adopt a bunny from an animal shelter when I get settled. Did you know they can be litter trained? Neither did I! I'm just excited to start the whole adult thing, but it's not like I never want to come home again. I'll miss the family terribly, and Pittsburgh as well. Oh Pittsburgh, why can't you have more jobs? But you never know where the path may lead.

Jess and I went to the art gallery opening on thurs night. It was very nice, and I bumped into the Zauhars. I miss Dr. Zauhar a ton. She should be teaching me multi ethnic lit! But I'm glad she likes her new job. We talked all about some St. Vincent gossip that she could tell me since she doesn't work there anymore, ha. I'm convinced now that as much as I will miss college, I'm ready to leave this school; especially with the direction it's going. It's quite a different place than when I started. Funny what 4 years can do. Of course I'm incredibly grateful for the people and experiences I found here - I wouldn't trade them for anything. I'm more frustrated with administration crap and policy. I could vent about it for hours, but I'm not going to put my fingers through all the typing.

This weekend the girls all went to a dinner that was raising money for the school's Brazil mission trip. Jessica is going this year, and it is a great cause. It was also Jenn's birthday, so afterwards we rented a movie and gathered in Shannon's room to watch it. Kim even bought a cake, how cute. This weekend Jessica and I rediscovered our love and appreciation for really old Seasame Street clips on youtube. Wow, I almost forgot how funny that cookie monster is. Seriously. And it brought back a lot of great memories of Grover, Bert, and Ernie. What fun.

Somehow in between 6 classes I've managed to get to the gym. I go around twice a week now. I actually like it, shock of shocks. I feel good afterwards, and I'm excited to see some difference in appearance in the future. I don't want to be really skinny, just healthy. But for now I've got to do homework, oh blah. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: chipper
current music: genesis - land of confusion

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Monday, January 29th, 2007
2:02 pm
This past week I went to a lunch for one of the candidates for the new English professor position. Afterwards she had a sample class where the English faculty and a few students got to discuss Emerson for an hour. Saturday Jess, Jenn, and I decided to go out, but after an hour and a half at a dead Napalito's we went to buy food from three different fast food places and rented Bridget Jones's diary. It was so much fun; I love girls' nights. This weekend we're hoping to rent Love Actually and have fondue.

Brittany had her second baby a couple days ago, a little boy named Jacob. Welcome to the world, Jacob. When she called I could hear him crying in the background, aw. I hope Gianna likes being the big sister.

Classes are ok; I'm getting into the groove of doing work for 6 classes. I still need to arrange Amnesty things and do the budget (it's a pain). The first meeting was this past Weds; Jess and Joe Astorino brought Dr. Corino with them, so it was fun to discuss school things with him and McDaniel. The only class I really loathe is Multi-Ethnic lit. Argh. It's not beating Management mind you, but it's slowly getting up there. The only way it could get worse at this point is if we had to do some retarded group project. Excuse me while I go frantically knock on some wood for a second....until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: cranky
current music: jay z - brush ya shoulders off

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Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
5:17 pm
I'm taking 18 credits to graduate on time, so I do a lot of reading and spend a lot of time in class. But I shouldn't complain because I scheduled my Fridays completely free. I like all of my classes except for Multi-Ethnic lit. It's a joke; no wonder no one takes English seriously.

Just got back from class, and about to go to another one. Dinner will be in between. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

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Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
4:49 pm - christmas, are you coming?
I really enjoy the Christmas season. No, not because of the music. The mall has forever killed that. Maybe it's the spirit of it, or the feeling of building anticipation. Every year I stress about what presents to get everyone, but I really love wrapping up gifts and handing them out to people. I'm also very excited for finals and paper writing to be over for the semester.

I've started my philosophy paper but it's very slow going. I'm bored with it I suppose. Haven't started my final essay for senior sem at all. I want to go shopping and buy gifts, not sit hammering away at this silly keyboard about sports and competition. Jess and I have received a number of Christmas cards, and they're beginning to fill the coffee table.

Yesterday I went out briefly and bought food for tonight's Amnesty meeting. I'm not expecting a full house, which is beyond frustrating. I don't know what I'm doing wrong that I can't more interest out of people. I'm not a very good leader; my speciality is not rousing the troops. I'm better at supporting the leader.

Jenn got in to dental school at Temple, which is so exciting! I'm so proud of her. Last night she came over and we all congratulated her with a cookie cake that Krystle purchased. Someday she can clean my teeth. We all had a great time just sitting around and chatting. What a great group of girls.

I went to the gym last night. It's always an interesting experience as I sit on my bike or jog on the treadmill. I have this habit of people watching, and I really try to occupy my attention with other things so it doesn't look like I'm staring, but I can't help it. These tiny little girls come in and nearly pass out on various exercise machines and then daintily wipe the sweat from their fake tanned legs. They also wear quite a bit of makeup to work out, which boggles my mind. They probably don't see the irony in our society becoming so fat and lazy that we actually have to use machines to get the exercise we used to get outside for free, but I suppose I'm being judgmental. And maybe a part of me is jealous because I'm not tiny enough to wear shirts that bare some belly, but then I smile as I remember that the ghostly paleness of my skin will look much healthier in 30 years. I was and am not meant to be a size 2, and you know, that is really ok with me. I just want to be a healthy person so I can have a better quality life. And I must also admit that I would like to drop a few pounds, but find me a girl who doesn't.

Sherrie Dunlap gave me this note that someone dropped off at the newspaper office for me. It was from a seminary student who wanted to write me a note to tell me how much he liked my last article. Wow, that was so nice, it really surprised me. I didn't think too many people read those things. How kind.

I got a couple of Greta's pictures in the mail today. Oh wow, they are so cute! Tonight is my last senior sem class, and I have to say I'm sad. It was really a fun class, and I looked forward to it every week, even though Paradise Lost has officially been beaten to death. Sigh, yet another sign that college is really about to come to a final close. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: creative
current music: hole - celebrity skin

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Saturday, December 2nd, 2006
4:00 pm - hmmm
I started a post yesterday but I'm pretty sure I got distracted and deleted it accidentally. Anyway, Thanksgiving break was very nice, but very short. Uncle Dave and Aunt Novetta came up. Ryan was home briefly, and we got to spend Weds and Sat night together. On Sat we went to the South Side with Katie, Raff, Julie, and Samantha. It was a lot of fun wandering around and we danced a bit. I also ran into Denise and her boyfriend as Katie was buying a spinach pie from a guy in front of a Greek food place at 1am. I haven't seen in her forever; I'm glad she's doing well. The break actually began with a trip to Squirrel Hill that Tues with Katie and Zac (I'm terribly out of order, sorry), which was a ton of fun. I'd had a crazy day and those two could make me laugh so hard that I felt like I was going to fall off my seat. Now I can't wait for Christmas so I can spend some more time with everyone. Ryan will be home longer, so I'm very excited! I miss him so much while he's in Ohio. The last day of break was spent with Mum and Greta as we took the dog to get her pictures taken at PetCo. Yes, the dog got her portraits done. How adorable. Mum was supposed to pick them up yesterday, so I can't wait to get my wallet pictures.

It's been a very busy week, and that's not going to change until I'm driving home after finals are over. I just finished my Arthurian paper a few minutes ago, hooray! By some fluke I had had the foresight to start my history paper early (so unlike me!) and I finished that one a couple days ago. Now all I have to worry about for the immediate future is my ethics test monday night. Then when that is over, I have to write the ethics paper and my grand senior sem paper on how awesome it's been being an english major. Yeah, all the touchy feely crap for last. I just keep wanting to say, "Dr. McDaniel, this is why people make fun of English majors!" but I keep my mouth shut for good reason. Oh well.

Management is really the bane of my existence. I tend to say that a lot. Don't get me wrong, Mertens is a hilarious guy, it's just the class material that I hate. Thurs was awesome though when we played an unforgettable game of telephone to display how gossip chains never work. Sure, I'll miss his lectures, but not the stupid chapter readings and multiple choice tests that I can't do well on. The class is cancelled on Tues (yay) since we're skipping a chapter, and then I have to go to the review session on Thurs. And of course, the final is at 8:30am finals week, just to make me bitter. Oh well, I'll probably be missing it in a few months, we'll see.

My first day at my new job at Boscov's wasn't too great. Black Friday is NOT a good day to start a new employee, no matter what the girl in Human Resources says. I was not a happy girl. But I must commend the place for having a nice break room and time clock that really works. They even bought pizza for everyone who worked that day (I had leftover turkey instead). I'm just praying that it will be better when I'm selling chocolate in December. I wish I didn't have to work, seeing that this might be the last holiday where I get to see all the friends from home before we all graduate. And when I'm at work I'll just want to be at home spending time with Ryan. :) Someday I'll learn to make money appear instantly.

Christmas has snuck up on me yet again, so that means it's time to think about what to get everyone this year. Sloe and B called me yesterday to discuss gifts, but of course I never have any idea what I want. I want to get everyone something really nice this year, so I need to start thinking now. I bought some Christmas cards on Thurs and started filling them out for everyone at school so I don't have to rush to do it while I'm studying for a final at the same time. I already have a good idea what I want to get for Jessica, but everyone else is proving to be challenging. Ryan said he's almost done with his shopping, I'm jealous!

Sadly I should start studying for ethics. What's even sadder is the fact that I'll probably take a break and watch some tv first. :) Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: accomplished
current music: soundgarden - black hole sun

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Sunday, November 19th, 2006
1:20 pm - every time I think I'm out, it sucks me back in
I went home this past Tues for an alumni networking thing at the Carnegie museum. It wasn't really too exciting, but I did get to hang out in the museum for awhile. On my way there I discovered that I no longer have a job at Godiva, so of course the panic set in. I'm broke - I mean broke. I really needed a job for Christmas, so the next day instead of driving right back to school I went up to the mall and applied to work at Boscov's. Luckily they called me within a few hours and I had an interview on Friday. I got the job! Hooray! And you know what I'll be selling the week before Christmas there? Godiva chocolate, believe it or not. I'm excited. There's more money in this job too, which never hurts. I'm starting on Black Friday, but that day I'm just the girl who gets put where she is needed. So we'll see how this goes, but I'm pleased that everyone I've talked to there is really nice.

This week I also had a phone interview with Prentice Hall, a publishing company with an office in Columbus. The guy I spoke with was so nice, and he even said as soon as I get my degree he would recommend me to start the interview process! Wow! Maybe someday I'll have a real job dealing with textbooks! From what he said it sounds like a neat job. I was also glad to confirm that there was a job out there for an english major who didn't want to teach.

Last night Sloe came out to visit me! It was a lot of fun. I miss seeing her all the time, but she's been working a ton with Christmas coming soon. I told her how I'm both excited and scared to graduate and get that real job. I'll officially be an 'adult'. Well on paper, anyway. We had a really great time, I hope I can see her more over break.

In the afternoon yesterday I watched most of the Ohio State v. Michigan game, and the Buckeyes won 42-39. Really good game, pandemonium in the stands! Ryan got to be there in person, so I was jealous. I'm really jealous of Coloumbus in general because that's where Ryan is. But next week he'll be home briefly for Thanksgiving, I'm so excited!

Being typical me, I've let too much work pile up towards the end of the semester, yet again. I have 4 papers to do, blah. So I should run and try to get something started I suppose. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: bouncy
current music: doobie brothers - takin it to the streets

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Monday, November 13th, 2006
2:31 pm - coffee beans
The Fair Trade Festival on Fri was really great. The gristmill was packed and everyone had a great time. One kid came up to Jess and told her that this event was the most fun he'd had on campus ever. Aw. Another great thing was Cathy came, and we had a great time. I told her that I'm going to visit Oakland the Weds before Thanksgiving, so that will be interesting. Jess's family also came, and Rebecca stayed overnight on the extra mattress we have. One of the cross country boys won the awesome gift basket, which I'm slightly jealous about. Luckily I wasn't completely in charge of counting the coffee beans for people to guess because I would've have sat there for who knows how long and counted tiny beans one by one. *Note - In these kind of situations scales are very useful. The live music was great too, and everyone that came was so nice. Good times were had all around!

Amazingly enough the rest of the weekend was spent being productive. I started and finished my management paper, yay. It's dumb, but whatever. Last night I finished the ethic extra credit, so now I have some extra time to start my senior sem essay #4 and finalize the management paper. I am nervous about management because I didn't do well on the first 2 tests, and I would really hate to mess up my entire GPA or college career because of a stupid class that I didn't need to take in the first place! Blah! Ryan says I'm a worrywort, and I am, haha. Oh yeah, by some bad luck I also picked the worst history articles to write about for medieval england. Good job, me.

I applied for a couple more jobs, but I haven't heard from anyone yet. I'm probably applying too early, but oh well, I can try again in January. I'm just worried about not having a job and being too poor to live. Skippy. I'd also like to be able to buy a decent car for myself someday. Cathy was showing me her headlights when she was leaving the festival on Friday, they're awesome. Poor little Nissan, they just don't work for me. She and I agreed that behind campus is pitch black dark, like horror movie dark. Scary woods in the middle of nowhere dark. But hey, it's my college, so for now it's home. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: creative
current music: fall out boy - dance dance

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Thursday, November 9th, 2006
5:03 pm - one voice
So it's been a while and again I apologize. Last week I went home briefly because Katie was in town for a night. It was so nice to see her again. We just went to Eat n Park and sat around for a couple hours talking. I'm just dying to meet her boyfriend from New Jersey, as I'm sure everyone else from home is too. Hopefully he'll be coming over Christmas break.

SSJ is having a Fair Trade festival tomorrow night at the gristmill on campus. It'll be pretty neat; free samples of fair trade coffee and chocolate, and this super awesome gift basket that Katie Herzing and I made with items at the gristmill store for a door prize. I want to win it myself, ha.

This past Tues was election day, and doing my civic duty I drove home in the rain to vote. I made the short trip to the local fire hall with Dad and Cathy and she made fun of me for taking longer then she did. Well, I wanted to read everything, so sue me. It was the first time I used those new computers to vote, and I just wanted to make sure I didn't vote to sign my life away or something.

And here we are, two days later, and the Democrats have won back the House and the Senate. Wow, honestly I wouldn't have guessed this would have happened 6 months ago. Dad of course is excited. Allen's ethnic rally in Virginia full of his ethnic friends couldn't save his Senate seat. Hoorah. Frankly the only thing I needed to make me really happy was to see Rick Santorum lose, and it happened. Oh joy of joys! I know he's going to think that the American family is going down the tubes, but I think the country will manage just fine without him telling all of us we're going to Hell.

Speaking of which, Mr. Straka told us this great story about his Catholic gradeschool education. Apparently he was a sloucher in school (as I can imagine many boys were) and couldn't sit very still. After numerous threats of recess loss and the nun physically grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him, she decided to tell him that boys who don't sit up straight go to Hell. Nice. Talk about abusing her religious status. I'm sure Jesus was just shaking his head when she and others like her said stuff like that. Even know I'm sure Jesus is saying, "When I said 'Love thy neighbor', I didn't mean 'Love only the neighbors you like'." And I'm sick of this fake love that is so smug and judgmental that it makes me ill. Listen here, we all see right through it. Jesus hung out with lepers and prostitutes, and he was fine with that. And knowing him, I'm sure he wasn't judging people he didn't know anything about.

But I think the main point that I was trying to shoot for is that your vote counts. Seriously, even if it means you cancel out an opposing vote, you did something. If you want to bitch about how the government is, get out and vote. Tell your representatives what you think; hey, that's what they're supposed to do anyway, REPRESENT. The great thing about this country (as crazy as it is) is that I can say what I think. And I think now is a great time for some change. I'm not expecting huge revelvations and changes here, but some movement towards making it better to live in the good ol US of A.
And it took longer than I expected, but Britney Spears has finally come to her senses and filed for divorce of her dirty, dirty husband. I think she should consult everyone else around her before ever marrying anyone ever again. Good Lord is he a loser. Try not to let this get you down, Britney. Sure, you may be another one of his baby's mamas, but you're the one who actually got herself a career, right? And maybe, someday, you'll find someone half as attractive as Justin Timberlake to eat fried chicken with.

I really loathe management now. It's basically a class on how messed up the world is; how profit is what we drive towards and the employee is just a thing that does work. And did I mention how today I learned that chances are really good that I won't be able to afford to live after college? Yeah, a real pick me up. And I don't know what is wrong with me when it comes to senior sem. I just always come off as stupid in discussions, and then I beat myself up over it for days. I'm just still having trouble figuring out what Michelle I want to be. Oh pish posh. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: cranky
current music: fall out boy - dance, dance

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Sunday, October 29th, 2006
2:53 pm - I can't count...
...credits, that is. As in how many credits I have and will have when I graduate. I keep getting 129, but I only need 124. And if I don't need an extra class I won't take 18 credits, but I don't know how that can be possible. So I need someone else to count for me. Oh, and I learned something new today - as an English major I have to have a concentration. Goodness, I wish someone had mentioned this to me maybe 2 years ago, oh I don't know, maybe someone like my advisor! Luckily for me the credits required were mostly in classes I just wanted to take, so I just took them naturally. But I can imagine Mom's groan when I tell her that I have to take 2 art classes next semester for my literature concentration. Good thing I looked over all this stuff before I registered, or I'd be really screwed. Oh Dr. Snyder, why didn't you tell me these things?

Otherwise I've had a pretty decent weekend. Thurs was Senior night at Nappy's so I went with Krystle and Shannon. It was actually a lot of fun, and I got to see a bunch of people trashed that I don't normally get to see. Dr. Mertens was there, but I guess he left early. That reminded me that in May we're going to be considered adults for once, and going out for a beer with a professor won't be considered scandalous. Strange, yes, but not scandalous. I know I have a tendency to blame gradeschool for a lot of attitudes I have now, but it's true. I didn't think of priests as real people until college. Subconsciously I never thought a teacher would swear or have any sense of humor til halfway through highschool. Going to highschool was interesting because we were no longer coralled into lines going to the same class with the same people, silent and in single file. Freshman year of college was so perplexing because professors just acted like we were so capable, so able and free to think. It makes me hopeful that someday I'll find a job where my boss doesn't think of me as a dumb kid and treat me like I don't know anything. Let's cross our fingers!

I need a haircut terribly. It just seems to be all over the place lately. I feel much better than I did in the last post, but you should have seen the amount of crap I ate on Friday night! Oreos, pizza, beer. But it was a lot of fun. Jessica and I went to Giant Eagle for makeup and such and then we ran to a sub shop. We sat and watched What Not to Wear for awhile and then Kim and Shannon came over. We all went to Kim's room and hung out for a bit. After everyone left Shannon and I went to Gerry to sit with Jenn while she was on duty. It seemed like forever since I'd been there, and it's amazing how foreign a place can feel even though you lived there for 2 years of college. We ordered pizza and giggled much. Around 1am it was time to head back. When I got home I hung out with Jessica and her friend Frank and then I hopped into bed.

Saturday was more relaxed and I tried to get some reading done. It was the infamous Halloween Dance in Alcuin so I got to see a bunch of people run around in crazy costumes. Ryan went to see John Stewart live in Columbus, and he said it was pretty good. I smile as I remember how this time last year I had just started dating Ryan, and its been such a wonderful year of memories. I can't wait to see him. Sloe has a long weekend coming up and she had mentioned a road trip to Ohio, which would be wonderful. If we go I hope I'll get to use the camera since Dad won't be seeing the Pet Shop Boys this time.

There has been an abundance of birds floating around campus for the past 2 days. Jessica described it like the movie Birds, and I had to agree when I glanced out the dorm window to see the grass covered in pecking birds. This morning I watched around 10 fly up to the roof above my window as I lay in bed. I wonder what was so awesome that they decided to get friends to come up with them.

Jessica says I have a crush on Julie the aerobics instructor, but I just think she's really awesome. She's funny and so sweet, I want to be as fun to be around as she when I'm older. I also want to be fit! Hooray for feeling good. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: creative
current music: sting - If I Ever Lose My Faith

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Thursday, October 26th, 2006
1:41 pm
Last night after senior sem Dr. McDaniel held a small lecture about finding a career with an english major. I guess I've just been frustrated with the whole process of job searching, because one day I want to do one thing, and the next it's something completely different. It was a long day altogether, between night class and that lecture I wasn't done til 10:30, and then I came back to work on my death penalty table for Amnesty and read a chapter for management. Luckily for me I got to talk to Ryan on the phone too, so that always makes my day.

Today is very busy, and it's far from over. I went to management this morning, then went straight to the library to make copies. Then to the Amnesty table, then lunch, then back to the table. I'm going to sit and read as soon as I'm done with this, go to the table and set up again, then aerobics and dinner. Can't wait til some sitting occurs, haha. But honestly I really like being busy because that way I don't sit around and have nothing to do. It makes me feel like I have some purpose when I get up in the morning since there's a ton to do. I'm really going to miss school a lot, because in the real world I might have the same boring routine every single day and only have time to play on the weekend. Ugh.

I got this awesome poster today at the alcohol awareness thing. It's a picture of Stevie Wonder and it says that before he would get into a car with a crunk driver, he'd drive himself first. I chuckled as soon as I saw that and had to have it. Sweet.

Ever have one of those weeks or so when your body just rebels against you? Now of course I know logically that my body is just fine the way it is and the clothes that fit 3 days ago still fit today, but now they just don't LOOK right. I feel like I can't get my hair right, and my makeup is fading. I just feel well...fat. Like uncomfortable in my own skin, which is crazy, I know! How stupidily girlish of me. Because I still have the same body from yesterday and will have the same one tomorrow, and tomorrow it will look lovely, I'm sure. Because I do think I'm cute, don't get me wrong. This isn't a 'pity me' rant. It's just odd. But I know it will pass too, so that always helps.

Tonight there is a senior party at Napalitos, and I'm going to make an appearance with Krystle and Shannon. Hopefully Jess will come when she gets back from watching Emily. I love all the girls at school now, but I can't help but be sad that so many of my friends graduated and moved on. A part of me keeps hoping to see Ryan, Sloe, Lydia, Kate Slippey, and the Coterie to show up at these senior things, but of course I know they won't. Sigh.

Well I best go read. Luckily it's a beautiful day outside! Hooray! Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: okay
current music: James Ingram & Michael McDonald - Yah Mo B There

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Friday, October 20th, 2006
5:27 pm - I'm going to be a fairy when I grow up...
At this point, anything is possible. I've never been the type to know exactly what I wanted to be when I was growing up. When I was very young I wanted to be a waitress, then I went through a phase where it was all about marine biology. Unfortunately I realized that would require swimming, oops. When it came to applying to colleges I thought about history, but then I wanted to be a physics teacher like Mr. Lear but a lot less scary. I almost declared physics education as my major, talk about dodging a bullet. And then I was going to still be a teacher, but english, because that's what I love. And then I realized what that involved, and it's just not for me. I'd hate it. So now as I can see graduation on the horizon, I still don't have any clue what I'm going to do with my life. And I feel like I don't have much help.

I get a lot of conflicting advice. 'Go to graduate school, you just think you can't afford it'. 'Don't go to graduate school, you don't know what you'd do with a masters'. 'Be a teacher, you just think you'll hate it'. 'Get an internship. You applied for 12? (I honestly did) Well try again'. 'Why not teach?'

Come on, there has to be more that I can do is teach bratty spoiled idiot teenagers for the rest of my natural life. Cathy must have the patience or strength of a saint, because getting accused by a dumb parent that I'm not doing my job right would make my temper explode. How do scholars support themselves? Is it bad that I'm not too afraid of having a crappy job for awhile? Is it troubling that I could see myself working in a terrible office while I write a novel? I mean all I really think about is making enough money to move out, get a car, and pay rent, loans, and health insurance. Oh crap, I'm screwed.

I don't want to take any more business classes. I hate management, even though Mertens is a nice guy. It's all about what business should be like, but it's not. It doesn't seem based in reality for me; maybe it's a reality that I'll never see. Because in my view bosses don't care about the worker, they care about the bottom line - how much is he/she producing and how can I screw them out of wages? And why is that? Because they've got their own boss doing the same thing to them. What a nice cycle. And if that's the real world, I want to enjoy the little time I have left in the pretend world of college learning about important things like art, history, and literature. I want to take this class on women's history in america. Sure, I'm not going to get a job because of it, oh well. I'll live. Maybe I'll live in a cardboard box, but I'll live.

I'm envious of people who say that their dream is to do Whatever and they've dreampt of being a(n) Whatever since the age of 6. Can you help me find a job? I'd probably make a good secretary, I have phone skills. Or make a donation to the 'Keep Michelle Out of the Cardboard Box' Fund. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: stressed
current music: doobie brothers - takin' it to the streets

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Thursday, October 12th, 2006
9:11 pm
As she often does, Cathy came up with the idea of making one her grand feasts this past Sunday. She and Colin went out and bought a ton of stuff while Ryan and I drove out to McKnight Rd. to see Sloe at her new Target. It was a lot of fun; I was so happy to see him when I opened the front door. By the time we got home from Target, Cathy had everything ready and we sat down to eat. Awesome baked chicken, green beans and potatoes with angel food cake and fruit topping. I ate way too much, but it was all so good. Later on Ryan and I drove out to school to hang out for awhile. We had a great time.

This has been a week of midterms. I had my ethics test on Monday night, and I was positive that I wouldn't know what I was doing. But some stroke of luck I knew most of the multiple choice and my essays weren't too bad. After my test I talked to Katie on the phone, which is always great. Aerobics was cancelled on Tues so Jenn, Shannon, and I went to the gym instead. I got to embarass myself with my complete lack of weigh machine knowledge. Ryan came back that night to hang out again, which of course was lovely. I wish I could see him more often, but it's great when I do get to spend some time with him.

Weds are always interesting this semester because of senior sem. Maybe interesting isn't the best word - we sit and watch presentations for most of it. But I like it much more than a lecture for 2 and a half hours. And the activities people have come up with are really creative. I'll have to work on that part. My discussion wasn't too structured, oh well. My next one is on a couple poems by Anne Bradstreet, and I wouldn't describe her as exciting. Are Puritans ever that exciting?

Today I took my Medieval England midterm. It wasn't too bad, but there was just a massive amount of material to study. It gets a little confusing when there are 4 different Edwards, 2 Richards, 2 Johns, and 3 Charles to try to remember. But I think I got it down pretty well. The only major problem I had was having to rush to finish the last essay. It's hard to write a decent essay talking about the reign of Edward II and how it affected Ed III and Richard II while also considering how John I and Ed I had to handle things in 45 minutes. So the conclusion was throwing together some things Ed III did and what Richard II did. The end.

Dr. McDaniel mentioned a conference at Susquehana University sometime in February, and how we should send in research papers to be included in the conference. I can honestly say that in the past I would have never even given the idea a second thought, but today I decided to send in my abstract and see if they like it. Not like I've had some grand revelation or anything, but it's my last year of college, and what's the worst they can say? No? Well oh well then. And on the other hand, what if I go there and present my paper and someone comes up to me and says, "Hey, that was really good. I'll give you a large scholarship for graduate school or a really good writing job." Ha, that's a delusion of grandeur there. I don't think I'm even going to graduate school at this point, mostly because I have no idea what kind of career I would pursue with a masters. I've dreamt of going through a full phd program and becoming a professor, but I find myself discouraged and unconfident. Jerome always tells me how it's virtually impossible to get a decent teaching job in such a competitive market, but Dr. Mertens always seems to be talking about the various schools that want to hire him. But wouldn't it be great to discuss literature for the rest of my life? Wouldn't I love it? Or am I just too lazy and critical of myself to invest all the money and the time to do it?

I was telling Krystle and Shannon today how when I first looked at St. Vincent I was going to be a physics education major. Yes, you read correctly: me, doing PHYSICS. Thank God I realized how insane that was before I really applied. When I toured the science building I nearly had a nervous breakdown because I knew it wasn't for me. And then somehow I found what I love, English. I love to read, to write, to see what may or may not lie between the lines. And Cathy and other analytical minds may be frustrated by the lack of concrete answers, but it's beautiful all the same. And really English is everywhere - philosophers wrote down their theories, writing is the reason history lives on, literature tells readers secrets about life and psychology. Language is musical, it captures the scientist's findings. So when someone tells me that all I can do with my degree is teach highschool, I can smile and know that I can do more; all I have to do is try.

And even if I'm never wealthy and working at a crappy job to pay my bills, I'll remember what is carved into the stone above the entrance to the Carnegie Library:

Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: good
current music: dave matthews - pig

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Saturday, October 7th, 2006
2:42 pm - and there's more
I didn't get to finish last night. Jessica and I went to Barnes and Noble where I got my first real caramel apple cider of the season. Yum. We looked at a really interesting book on body language. Afterwards we took a trip to the mall and I bought 2 shirts for $10, I was excited. I'm still trying to work on an article for the newspaper so maybe I can get some money someday. When we got back we watched a lot of What Not to Wear, and Jenn and Shannon stopped by for a bit. Jess's friend Frank came up to visit later on, and I was rather sleepy.

I have three tests next week, which is ridiculously dumb. Arthurian Lit won't be too bad, but Ethics on Monday will be difficult, and by the time I take Medieval England on Thurs my wrist will have fallen off from writing so much. Blast. Dr. Bogner is a great teacher, but he gives too many notes. I get Edwards I, II, and III mixed up sometimes. Throw in Richard, Prince Edward of Wales, King John of somewhere, and various other nobles, and I get lost. So I need to study for that one a lot.

I got a 93 on my Heart of Darkness presentation, which was exciting. My next presentation will be on Anne Bradstreet, so that should be interesting. Finding an American female author before 1850 that can be relevant to Paradise Lost wasn't the easiest project, and the only reason why I thought of her was because she is one of Dr. Zauhar's favorite poets. I miss her, even though at the time I took her classes I didn't think I would. At our last senior sem class, Fr Wulfstan and Dr. Snyder came in to hear senior ideas on future projects for the English department. I sat next to Snyder and told him what a strange reversal it was having him sit in a desk with us. We got some good ideas on the table, and after 45 minutes Snyder was out the door to go to Sharkys. Oh Snyder, I'll miss him too when I graduate.

Today I'm going home for the night and Ryan and I are going to see Sloe at her Target in Pittsburgh on Sunday. Next Friday I'm going back to Columbus with him, and then take a Greyhound to Pittsburgh. I'm nervous about riding in a bus for 4 hours alone with strangers, but I'm just happy I'm going to Columbus. Anyway, it will be an adventure. Maybe I'll write about it. Or maybe I'll just sleep most of the way home, whatever. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: creative
current music: Live - Iris

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Friday, October 6th, 2006
1:11 am - we have homecoming?
This year was the first time St Vincent decided to have a Homecoming weekend, mostly because they will actually have a football team next year for the first time in around 30 years. Amnesty ran a booth that had the birthday wheel. It was a lot of fun. Mum and Dad came to visit and took me out to dinner, where I had blueberry pancakes.

I did my Heart of Darkness presentation a week and a half ago, and I was so nervous. I was of course all red faced and awkward, but it still went ok. Dr. McDaniel liked it, and that's all that really matters. I'm also trying to study for the 3 tests I have next week and finish an article for the campus newspaper since I'm broke. I was going to babysit Gianna this Monday while Brittany was in class, but it was cancelled, so the three of us hung out instead. Gianna is getting so big! She's doing a lot of talking. Tuesday B, Gianna and I went into Pittsburgh to see Sloe as she opened her new Target. It was a beautiful store with tons of stuff. Of course I spent money there I didn't really have, ha. Afterwards I spent the night at home with Greta sleeping on my legs for most of the night. Unfortunately the rest of the house gets up at 5:30am, so I didn't get a lot of sleep.

Ryan is coming home on Sunday, and I'm so excited! I think I'm going to kidnap him so he can't go back, ha. Until next time.

current music: erasure - breath of life

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Monday, September 25th, 2006
5:26 pm - oh blast
As much as I love living in Aurelius, I'm always uncomfortable. It's always cold. There is this vent directly across from our door that blows out cold air 24 hours a day. It comes in under the door and hits my face perfectly as I sit on the couch, stinging my eyes while I try to take management notes. My toes are always cold, and when I crawl into bed at night with my 2 blankets, sheet, and comforter, they're still cold. And then I wake up in the morning in a sweat because throughout the night my body heat rose with the blankets. Or sometimes I wake up and the floor is cold and I can't force myself out of bed. Argh!

I love the Amnesty club at school, but sometimes I get really frustrated with it. My optimism slips and I find myself thinking, 'is this really going to do anything? government people just do what they want anyway'. And you know what? They do. They do what's in their interest and not everyone's. But the thing is, it would be a whole lot easier to steamroll over everyone if no one said anything about it. Maybe, just once, that stack of letters on a desk will let someone know that people out there actually care about what goes on outside their doorstep, and they pay attention.

I went to church with Jenn last night on campus. Yeah, it had been awhile, and I think I'll go again. I kept remembering all these bad images of grade school masses with Fr. Franco screaming at us after mass or yelling outside the confessionals. Seriously, maybe I was just a weird kid, but by 5th grade the very thought of going to confession made me sick to my stomach. In 6th grade Ms Demay screamed at our class after mass because some of us girls went to the wrong pew after communion. By the time high school rolled around I was so afraid to go to mass at school and get yelled at I'd practically freak out. So I have this terrible fear of getting yelled at by authority figures in general, and a distaste for church. It does make me sad. But the nice thing about college is you don't have to go if you don't want to. You don't have to sit in a certain place and you don't have to sit next to that stupid boy who draws on himself with marker. So maybe it's time to just get out of my childhood phase of fearing church and get on with it. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: sad

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Friday, September 22nd, 2006
4:47 pm - pigskins
I went home last week and hung out with my family and Greta. She slept with me both nights since Cathy went to Beaver. Of course I'm happy to share my bed with a small schnauzer, but Greta has this way of putting her body in the exact spot where I need to lay my legs. Or she's laying on the blankets at 5am when I wake up huddled at the edge of the bed with barely a sheet. And this little grunt, no more like a groan, she makes when you move her is cute, sure, but it doesn't make getting to sleep any easier.

Sat morning Dad woke me around 8:45 to help him take Greta to the groomer. Poor thing, after having a traumatic couple of weeks in and out of hospitals, she was not pleased to be left with strangers yet again. I wish I could have video taped her reaction when she saw us a couple hours later. I thought she was going to jump over the 3 foot barrier, ha. But she looks lovely, and we took her home to play Scrabble with Mom. I won by only one point!

Sunday I drove back to school in the Nissan because my parents said I could take it for awhile! Hooray, it's nice having a car here. Sadly I don't have any income, so I keep trips few and far between. $50 for a parking permit also made me ill. Maybe I can get a job, who knows. I'm trying not to do too much before I have small meltdown again.

Senior sem isn't that great. The class is fun, with fun people in it, but there's just a ton of work I need to do, and not a lot of time to do it. Presentations, blast. I like the rest of my classes though.

Today Ryan and I have been together 11 months. Yay! I can't wait to see him again. I wish I could go out to see him, but the Nissan probably wouldn't make it halfway. I miss him so much, but it's great that I can talk to him everyday.

As much as I love our room in Aurelius, Jessica and I freeze. It's just way too cold! I shouldn't complain because as soon as they turn the heat on, we'll be roasting alive. Sadly I'd much rather be cold than hot. Can't really take off layers of skin, now can we?

St. Vincent is getting a football team in the fall of '07. I've known they would for quite a while, but now that it's really coming, it's becoming more of a topic of discussion. Personally, I'm glad I won't be here for it. Loud practices, more dumb jocks on campus, and administration bowing before the altar that is money-making sports. Look how much the campus gets from Steeler summer practice, just imagine the money they can get from football people all YEAR long! Yeah, I'm biased. Sure, I'm all about school spirit, but can't we be proud of a school based on its academic merit too? Why not give more 'leadership' scholarships to people who do well in school instead of just sweat? And even from the athlete view, won't the football team be favored over, let's say, the cross-country team? And I happen to know for a fact that those athletes work really hard for what they do. And they don't have to shove it down my throat. The whole thing just seems silly.

It just seems like college has suddenly become a place about sports instead of education. But I guess I shouldn't blame an administration who is in the position to make a ton of money from a football team and its merchandise.

Oh wait, yes I can.

Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: annoyed

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Monday, September 11th, 2006
11:36 pm - sandy
Greta has to stay in Columbus until Weds for testing, leaving the family having the return home without a puppy. I'm so worried about her. Poor thing, she's all alone in a strange place with strange people...again. It kills me. And sometimes I'm just not in the mood to be responsible and go to class and get all this work done, but I do it anyway. And sadly enough keeping busy keeps my mind off of bothersome matters.

One thing I'll say about Amnesty - they're very prompt with sending club materials. I've received 2 packages from them within the past three days. Not that they're huge, but they've sent useful materials along, ideas on what to do for later. The meeting is all set for Weds, room reserved and signs hung. And of course I don't really feel prepared. Tomorrow will be the day I do that while writing a paper with one hand and read 4 books with the other. I dread Weds now because of senior sem. Funny how as soon as Weds is over, Thurs and Fri just fly by without a care.

With me not updating much over the summer, I never described any of the weddings I went to. Well I have a bit of time, so Leah is first. Hers was beautiful, a lovely orthodox Jewish wedding. I wasn't familiar with any of the traditions of the ceremonies, but they were awesome to watch. The bride is surrounded by all the women guests before the wedding as she greets them from her 'throne' as she is queen for the day. There you take tons of pics and socialize. Meanwhile the groom was upstairs with all the men singing and celebrating. In keeping with biblical tradition, the groom then came downstairs to check under Leah's veil to make sure it was her. You know, people were marrying the wrong people left and right in the bible. Then everyone heads into the sanctuary for a speedy 30 minute ceremony where the couple stands under the chuppah. I could go into all the beautiful symbolism of every part of the ceremony, but that would take forever and no one cares, haha. Afterward was a light dessert reception outside, then off to one of the best receptions, with great food and dancing. Sadly I couldn't stay too late as I had intermediate writing homework to do. But overall it was wonderful.

That was only June, but it feels like such a long time ago. I think Change is the worst and best thing out there to experience. Frustrates me beyond belief, but then I look back and with my 20/20 hindsight say 'oh yeah, I guess that wasn't so bad'. Luckily humans have this incredible built-in feature, the ability to forget. Either that or no one would have more children. Or you'd never trust anyone. Or face your fears. Or hell, try anything more than once. Makes me feel like I have no control, but I'm sure I'm not alone on that view. Like trying to hold on to sand; it almost laughs at you when you struggle to hold on and it just slips through your fingers. And while you were trying in vain to hold that sand you missed the boat in front of you. Oops. Don't worry, you weren't meant to catch that one anyway. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: grumpy
current music: styx - come sail away

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Saturday, September 9th, 2006
2:34 pm
School is really busy so far - now I'm stealing a break from philo reading. Jessica has got me completely addicted to Lost again, we rented the first disc of season 2 after finishing season 1 last week. I'm sure we'll get the next disc soon. The family is taking Greta to Columbus on Monday to see her second specialist. The theory is now that her blood isn't going to her liver so it's building up toxins. Surgery might happen. Poor thing, she's just so tiny.

Club Fair went pretty well, I got more sign ups than I thought I would. I reserved the room for our first meeting, which I'm excited about. There's just so much to do with prepping for that and classes, blah. Senior sem will be the death of me, I'm convinced.

Brittany was at school on Thurs with Gianna, so I got to hang out with them for a bit. Gia's getting so big, saying words and feeding me rice chex. Of course, she's just as cute as ever. It was fun to see B again, I wish I could see her more often. Later that evening I went to Napalito's with Jessica and Jenn for dinner. It was good. Merterns and his wife showed up with their new baby Annabelle, she was very cute. After dinner was when we went on a two store search for the first Lost disc of season two.

Yesterday I only had one class, which makes Fridays wonderful. Searight came to visit Jessica, and he joined us and Jenn and Shannon for dinner. Another reminder that I'm not ready yet for the real world. That evening I spent most of my time watching What Not to Wear and reading Antigone. Ryan called and I got to talk to him, which always makes my day. Can't wait to see him again in October for fall break.

current mood: creative
current music: danity kane - show stopper

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Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
1:28 pm - senior year
Wow, I really never got around to updating much this summer. It was a very busy and awesome time. I went to four different weddings. I took intermediate writing and survived. I celebrated a couple 21st birthdays. I celebrated my own birthday with the best guy ever. I got a new boss. I saw Toto in concert. I went to the zoo. I ate quite a bit of ice cream. I went to a bunch of parties. Most importantly I got to spend time with the people I love. And of course I'm not doing any of it justice, but I'll describe more later.

Now I'm back to school, and the few weeks leading up to moving into Aurelius have been really hectic. I drove out with Ryan and his family to Columbus to drop him off at law school. Ohio State has a lovely campus but it was really hard leaving Ryan there. I cried a lot. I miss him all the time, but we talk a lot and I'm going to see him soon! I can't wait! Greta got very sick and ended up in the hospital for three days. She's doing a bit better now, but she's getting more tests done at a specialst's office as I type. With Greta sick Cathy didn't feel like doing a lot for her birthday, so Dad bought cupcakes and we stuck candles in them. On a lighter note Colin got her a cappucino maker, so that was fun!

I hate to make this short, but I have so much reading to do. It's the second day and I feel like I'm already behind! I ate lunch with Jenn after management and history class at the shack where we saw Cassie with her son. So cute; he's so tiny his clothes seem huge, ha. But off to Paradise Lost I go, and I promise to update more often. Until next time.

The adventure continues...

current mood: busy
current music: Genesis - Jesus He Knows Me

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