*Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's coming to get me...*
(1) The singular most boring question: what is your name? Chana :
(2) Are you happy with it? Of course
(3) Are you named after anyone? Nope
(4) Are you a prostitute? Hahaha, I dont think so
(5) Your screenname: AIM: BlueWildAngel79, MSN: SiberianKiss79@hotmail.com
(6) Would you name a child of yours after you? No
(7) Then what would you name your children? I dunno, probably something slightly exotic
(8)If you were born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name be? Alexander, after my dad
(9) If you could switch names with a friend, who would that be? I wouldnt
(10) Are there any mispronounciations/typos that people do with your name constantly? Most people pronounce it wrong, cuz it sounds like *Chain-a*, it's spelled wrong... usually... like Chaina, Chena, Cheyna, Chayna, Cheynnah (I thought that was odd), Channa... and so on.
(11) Would you drop your last name if you became famous? No, that's slightly stupid... my name needs something to go with it. It doesnt travel well alone.
- - - - -
- - - - -
(12) Your gender: Female
(13) Straight/gay/bi? What difference does it make, would you love me any more or less if I were gay, straight, or bi? Ask yourself that.
(14) Single? No
(15) Want to be? Sometimes, lol
(16) Your birthdate: July 9
(17) Your age: 19
(18) Age you act: Older than the teenager who thinks they know everything... younger than the mid-lifer who wants to relive their youthful days...
(19) Age you wish you were: I'm fine going the rate I'm going...
(20) Your height: 5'8.5"
(21) The color of your eyes: Dark brown
(22) Happy with it? Yes
(23) The color of your hair: Black/brown
(24) Happy with it? Sure
(25) Left/right/ambidextrous? Left, but I do some things right handed
(26) Your living arrangement? I live in a suite with 7 other girls, I share a room with Caitlin
(27) Your family: Parents, some brothers and sisters... who cares anyway?
(28) Have any pets? Nope... wait, does Crystal count? ;-)
(29) What's your job? N/A
(30) Piercings? Ears
(31) Tattoos? Nadas
(32) Obsessions? Right now, cream soda and Industrial rock/metal/electronica
(33) Addictions? I have healthy addictions, thank you.
(35) Do you speak another language? Not fluently, and I refuse to pretend I do to make myself seem more interesting
(36) Have a favourite quote? I have many
(37) Do you have a webpage? No
- - - - -
DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
- - - - -
(38) Do you live in the moment? Sometimes, but you have to think long term
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? Yes
(40) Do you have any secrets? Of course, we all do, but I wont tell mine, muahaha
(41) Do you hate yourself? Sometimes
(42) Do you like your handwriting? It gets the job done...
(43) Do you have any bad habits? Yes
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people? The most popular ones here in Nashville were either *You're so hot* or *You're so cool* so one of those will have to do
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? I dunno...
(46) What's your biggest fear? Living with the knowledge that I did not live my life to the fullest in which I could have... and dying knowing that I had never found true happiness and love.
(47) Can you sing? No
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? Not to my knowledge
(49) Are you a loner? Sometimes, usually I'm not though
(50) What are your no. 1 priorities in life? Find happiness and security (not the financial kind, thankyouverymuch)
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Actually, yes I would
(52) Are you a daredevil? Actually I am quite cautious
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? I'll list a few.. I hate being depressed and knowing there's nothing I can do about it, I hate my paranoid personality, I fear that my depression could get the best of me, I hate that I can never express how I feel in words, I hate how unambitious I am, I hate how I don't see the positive things in myself sometimes... I hate too much about myself... and love too little. And I hate that.
(54) Are you passive or aggressive? Assertive with a dash of passive behavior... a bit passive aggressive at times though...
(55) Have you got a journal? Yes, and you're reading it
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness? I'm sure someone else could answer this better than I could
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I wish I had new brain chemicals, because mine are defective.
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity. And...? Which would I choose? Love. Obviously.
(59) How do you vent? Music... I generally have inwardly directed hostility.
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong? Considering what I deal with... I am.
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? Yes, finally there is.
(62) Do you think life has been good so far? It's had it's lower points... but it's not as bad as it could be. I havent successfully killed myself, so I must have something to live for.
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? You cant sit around hating life and complaining about how much it sucks, because then you might as well end it all if you hate it that much. Life is what you make it. Dont expect good things to happen, because sometimes you just have to go out and make them happen.
(64) What do you like the most about your body? I like it all pretty equally
(65) And least? See above
(66) Do you think you are good looking? Sometimes
(67) Are you confident? Sometimes
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like? I... couldnt say...
(70) Are you perceived wrongly? I'm quite misunderstood
- - - - -
- - - - -
(71) Smoke? No
(72) Do drugs? No
(73) Read the newspaper? I read our school paper... because Scotland keeps giving them to me... and I cant say no to that accent... ;-)
(74) Pray? Sometimes
(75) Go to church? Not like I used to
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you? Yes
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals? No stuffed animals in my bed, thank you.
(78) Take walks in the rain? Not if I dont have to
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them? I try not to
(80) Drive? No
(81) Like to drive fast? N/A
- - - - -
WOULD OR HAVE YOU EVER...
- - - - -
(82) Liked your voice? I've come to terms with it, heheh
(83) Hurt yourself? I have... but I'm okay now, I promise.
(84) Been out of the country? Yes, and I'd love to go again
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick? Yes, no one understands my exotic foods... and they get grossed out... but its okay.
(88) Been in love? No
(89) Done drugs? I have, but not recently... probably never will again
(90) Gone skinny dipping? In the bathtub, all the time
(91) Had a medical emergency? Not that I can think of
(92) Had a surgery? No
(93) Ran away from home? No
(94) Played strip poker? No
(95) Gotten beaten up? No
(96) Beaten someone up? No, not seriously
(97) Been picked on? Yes
(98) Been on stage? Yes
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath? Uhm... how about *been so drunk you couldnt remember the past week and a half because you were never sober, and when you did sober up you could barely see straight from the blinding pain of a migraine headache and that 'can barely stay standing up' feeling*? That's something I can relate to more...
(100) Slept outdoors? In a camper and a tent
(101) Thought about suicide? Yes, but not recently
(102) Pulled an all-nighter? Yes
(103) If yes, what is your record? I've gone a 2 weeks without sleep... and people thought it was funny... but they had no idea how unfunny it actually was... assholes.
(104) Gone one day without food? I've gone 4 days without food...
(105) Talked on the phone all night? No
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex first(moms and daddys don't count)? Uhm... yes?
(107) Slept all day? I have
(108) Killed someone? No
(109) Made out with a stranger? Uhm... ask me and I'll tell you
(110) Had sex with a stranger? No
(111) Thought you're going crazy? Well, ppd is all about thinking you might be going crazy...
(112) Kissed the same sex? Yes
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex? What do you think? Email me your questions, comments, or concerns...
(114) Been betrayed? Yes, and it hurts
(115) Had a dream that came true? I have those quite a bit and it's an odd deja vu kind of feeling
(116) Broken the law? Yes, I think so
(117) Met a famous person? Yes
(120) Have you ever killed an animal by accident? No
(121) On purpose? Insects arent animals, so no.
(145) Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? No
(146) Stolen anything? I dunno... maybe?
(147) Been on radio/tv? Yes
(148) Been in a mosh-pit? Yes
(149) Had a nervous breakdown? Nervous breakdowns dont exist, that's society's way of summing up a deep seated emotional problem. But yes, I get depressed, yes I get paranoid, and yes I have bee suicidal. If that's what you like to call a nervous breakdown, then label me and put me in your little box.
(150) Considered religious vocation? No
(152) Bungee jumped? Not yet
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back? I had a recurring dream that I was drowning in a lake... or ocean... or something... and something kept pulling me down and when I got to the water surface the lake turned into blood and it was on fire... so I get out somehow and I'm running away from it, and oddly enough I'm clean and dry... and I'm then running away from something that's chasing me, but then it kills me... and I'm lying on a sidewalk dying, I can't move or say anything, I can barely breathe, I'm just lying there bleeding and cold, and no one stops to help me. Tell me I'm not messed up in the head.
- - - - -
- - - - -
(154) Shoe brand? I dunno... whatever serves my purpose
(155) Brand of clothing? I dont care about brands
(156) Cologne/perfume? I have some Italian scent that smells awesome, cant remember the name of it
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work? Comfortable clothes, but I normally look nice
(158) How about parties? I dunno, same as above pretty much, Vandy parties are too wild for prettying myself up
(159) Wear hats? Only in winter
(160) Judge other people by their clothing? I try not to, that's lame
(161) Wear make-up? Of course
(162) Favourite place to shop? I dont really like to shop
(163) Favourite article of clothing? My black sweater with the netted sleeved or my denim skirt
(164) Are you trendy? No
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school? No
- - - - -
- - - - -
(166) Believe in life on other planets? It hasnt been proven, so no.
(167) Miracles? Not as much as I once did
(168) Astrology? No
(169) Magic? No
(170) God? Yes
(171) Satan? Yes (Note to Johanna: how can you believe in Satan and not God, that makes no sense... seeing as how he's one of God's creations and all, what the hell are you thinking?)
(172) Santa? No
(173) Ghosts? Possibly
(174) Luck? Not really
(175) Love at first sight? No, it's psychologically impossible
(176) Yin and Yang (that good can't exist without the bad)? It works, so yes.
(177) Witches? Not really, no.
(178) Easter bunny? No
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? Yes
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? No
(181) Do you wish on stars? No
- - - - -
DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
- - - - -
(182) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? I have my ideas...
(183) Do you think God has a gender? Well, there's the Father, Son
, and Holy Spirit... you do the math.
(184) Do you think that science counteracts religion? Science has to prove itself factually before I believe it, and evolutionary theory alone has too many loopholes
(185) Do you believe in organized religion? I dont believe in the corrupted mess that its become but at one time... it was an honest time to worship with others who share the same beliefs. I wont truly believe in it again until people get over themselves and truly worship.
(186) Where do you think we go when we die? Well, that all depends
- - - - -
- - - - -
(187) Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? Yes
(188) Who is your best friend? Crystal's really up there, Toeses doesnt keep in touch with me, but we're still kinda tight, Linds us up there too... although I tell Crystal more than I tell anyone else...
(189) Who's the one person that knows most about you? Right now, probably Crystal, I feel like I can tell her anything
(190) What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you? Stop living for other people all the time... sometimes you have to keep yourself from falling apart.
(191) Your favourite inside joke? Yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah....
(192) Thing you're picked on most about? How I feel about things
(193) Who's your longest known friend? Marquita
(194) Newest? Ryan
(195) Shyest? Julie
(196) Funniest? Janet, Jon, Julie
(197) Sweetest? Jon, Ryan, Crystal
(198) Closest? Crystal, maybe Toeses
(199) Weirdest? Janet
(200) Smartest? Not too sure about this one
(201) Ditziest? Sorry, Toeses, but under all that hair dye, you're a blond.
(202) Friends you miss being close to the most? I miss too many
(203) Last person you talked to online? Blue
(204) Who do you talk to most online? Crystal or Blue
(205) Who are you on the phone with most? Jon, my mom, Anani, in that order
(206) Who do you trust most? Crystal, J
(207) Who listens to your problems? Miss Crystal cares
(208) Who do you fight most with? No one right now, my parents are loving now that I dont live with them... and I get along with everyone else
(209) Who's the nicest? Blakely
(210) Who's the most outgoing? Janet, Em, Mariko
(211) Who's the best singer? Not sure
(212) Who's on your shit-list? Lance, that major asshole
(213) Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend? ::smirks::
(214) Who's your second family? *Nobody loves me, it's true...*
(215) Do you always feel understood? No way
(216) Who's the loudest friend? Hmm... Janet and Kristen are tied for that one
(217) Do you trust others easily? Not usually... it's part of ppd...
(218) There's no question here...
(219) Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: Jon
(220) Do your friends know you? Not at all as much as they think they do.. You might know my favorite things and you might think you know how I operate from reading this journal... but you're kidding yourself.
(221) Friend that lives farthest away: I dunno... who lives the farthest from Nashville?
- - - - -
LOVE, and all that
- - - - -
(222) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title? No
(225) Do you consider love a mistake? Sometimes, but not right now
(226) What do you find romantic? The little things... I'm amazed by how much Jon listens to me... and remembers things... and plays Italian Love Songs... and makes me dinner... and I could go on...
(227) Turn-on? Muahaha, wouldnt you like to know
(228) Turn-off? Oh, dont get me started
(229) First kiss? What about it? It was cool
(231) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? Well, I have that situation with Lance, and it's a bit uncomfortable b/c he makes me sick and I dont like shooting people down... but I cant stand him, so I might have fun with this. Normally I have a problem with hurting people's feelings though.
(232) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"? I've tried it both ways, and I didnt mind either of them. They both have good and bad points.
(233) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? I dont normally care, but if I guy is too shy, its probably not gonna happen.
(235) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? No, I have to feel it from both angles
(236) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? I suppose they do, apparently the Nashville guys do
(237) What is best about the opposite sex? They feel the need to impress you and that never gets old =)
(238) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? Most guys are inconsiderate or insensitive, but in Jon's case... he overanalyzes things.
(245) Do you read porn? Nope
(246) Read the articles? Nope
(247) Just the pics? Nope
(248) What's the last present someone gave you? Jon bought me flowers, does that count?
(258) Do you consider your significant other hot? He's more... adorable. Yes. That's the word.
- - - - -
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
- - - - -
(279) That haunted you? I think my and Caitlin's room is haunted by the spirit of a dead handyman b/c we keep finding random screwdrivers even when our door is locked and no one can get in... lol
(280) You wanted to kill? No one
(281) That you laughed at? Julie when we were working out
(282) That laughed at you? See above
(283) That turned you on? Who turns me on... lol ::smirks::
(284) You went shopping with? Janet
(285) That broke your heart? No comment
(286) To disappoint you? My mom
(287) To ask you out? I dunno, I said yes to Jon, but I said no to that basketball guy, his friend, Keino, Lance, the guy with the tattoos, and the guy from outside NV..
(288) To make you cry? My own foolish emotions
(289) To brighten up your day? Jon
(290) That you thought about? See above
(291) You saw a movie with? Jon
(292) You talked to on the phone? Anani
(293) You talked to through IM/ICQ? Blue
(294) You saw? Julie
(295) You lost? I lost a cousin recently... but I lose people all the time...
- - - - -
RIGHT THIS MOMENT...
- - - - -
(337) Are you going out? No, I should go to bed though
(338) Will it be with your significant other? N/A
(339) Or some random person? N/A
(340)What are you wearing right now? Black t-shirt and pj pants
(341) Body-part you're touching right now: My feet are touching
(342) What are you worried about right now? How sore Im gonna be in the morning
(343) What book are you reading right now? Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, and The Art of War by Sun-Tzu
(344) What's on your mousepad? I dont have one
(345) Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: Sore, hungry, drained, tense, clearheaded
(346) Are you bored? Not really
(347) Are you tired? quite
(348) Are you talking to anyone online? Not at this precise moment
(349) Are you talking to anyone on the phone? No
(350) Are you lonely or content? Content
(351) Are you listening to music? Yes
Five details about you...
[x] I'm not very observant
[x] I've recently become worried about my appearance
[x] I hate social labels that dont fit (just b/c you wear black a lot doesnt make you goth, etc)
[x] I'm misunderstood, honestly
[x] I'm also confident about some things... but insecure about others
Five details about your appearance right now...
[x] black clothing
[x] black toenails
[x] hair up
Five things you did today
[x] Called my mom
[x] Went shopping
[x] Watched the Crow with Janet
[x] Played on the Lipscomb Elementary playground with some friends
[x] Worked out with Julie
Five memorable things you did in the last year...
[x] Went to college
[x] That is pretty much all
[x] I can think of
Five favorite movies...
[x] Interview With The Vampire
[x] The Crow
[x] The Godfather and any other mafia movies
[x] The Pianist
[x] Pretty much any Rat Pack movie made
Five things that make you happy...
[x] Solitude when desperately needed
[x] Accomplishing things
[x] Knowing people care about me
[x] Having people who genuinely care about me around =)
Five things that impress you...
[x] The beauty of nature
[x] Philosophical insight
Five things you'll do when you complete this...
[x] Turn the lantern off
[x] Put my laptop away
[x] Climb into bed
[x] Take my glasses off
[x] Go to sleep
Five things you feel right now...
That was one long freakin survey...
Current Music: *Caught In The Rain* by Revis