imagined'heart's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
imagined'heart

[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[Monday, March 14th, 2005
@ 8:14am ]
k.
cannot stay here

[Monday, March 14th, 2005
@ 8:13am ]
k.
1 cannot stay here

[Saturday, March 27th, 2004
@ 2:24pm ]
www.livejournal.com/~nothing_to_feel
my livejournal.
cannot stay here

moved [Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
@ 1:00pm ]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | afi-this time imperfect ]

I love blurty bunches, but i got a livejournal, and its just too much work for me to have 3 journals so, i'll probably just update there from now on. I'm not saying i'll NEVER update here, but probably not as much. <3

cannot stay here

v-day [Saturday, February 14th, 2004
@ 1:02pm ]
I'm not a big fan of valentines day. Some people are like 'Well thats because you don't have anyone to celebrate it with! Valentines day is great!' Oh shut up you fucker. Did it ever occur to you that i don't want someone to celebrate it with? Eh, whatever, it's not like i can kill a holiday.*sigh* I'm tired, and i have an idea for a story in my head, which is weird because i'm not a story writer normally. i'm going to write it out later. I don't know what inspired me, but whatever. heh, yeah. I'm bored, so i'm going to go listen to music or something *cough* maybe start the story. Whatever.
cannot stay here

*sigh* [Friday, February 13th, 2004
@ 5:00pm ]
I'm bored, my livejournal isn't working, and cameron still has cd one of my queens greatest hits cd. *sigh* Very not cool. I wanted to listen to it, and Kazaa can't seem to gets its fucking act together. I found a new place to hide my razors though. A ring box. I took out the padding, and just put all my razors in that. I'm so fucking tired. I don't know what to do. It's that type of 'jesus christ, this sucks, maybe i should just sit here and stare at the walls for the rest of my life because theres nothing to do' type of bored. Kind of want to cut. It's not overwhelming though. Thank ...whatever.
cannot stay here

yeah.. i'm home [Friday, February 13th, 2004
@ 1:30pm ]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | sing the sorrow ]

So i went to school this morning, and as soon as i got there, something wasn't right. I felt it. I felt.. surrounded. So i faked sick and got out of there first period. I can't even explain what it was. I just felt.. like i couldn't breathe. Just closed in on. I felt almost like i was having another panic attack, but i wasn't.. or maybe i was. I don't know. I'm listening to sing the sorrow for the first time in a while. I adore this cd. I hate when people say stuff like 'sing the sorrow sucks. AFI sold out.' Oh really, moron? Growing up and selling out are two different things. I think davey sounds awesome on this cd.. They better start a new one soon =). Well... there's nothing i can do about it if they dont.. but.. yeah okay whatever. I'm really tired..ugh. I made a new screename =\. I don't like it that much, but the other one was pissing me off and being an assbitch. So i gave it up. WOOO. OH YEAH. I FOUND THE MOST HELLA RADISHLY FUCKING AWESOME TSHIRTS! Theres this 'the cure' one. Woah shhhhhit. HELLA AWESOME. has a bunch of rhinestones on it or something, EXPENSIVITYNESS! like $300. I was pissed... OOH and an original 'queen' tshirt, i really wanted as well. That was more expensive.. *sigh* damn expensive tshirts! I think my dad got me a different cure one for my birthday. =). This kid mark was looking through ring tones the other day, I'm suprised how little these people know! He was looking through it and he says 'bohamion rapsodee' -queen. I looked at him like he was crazy and go 'Bohemian rhapsody?' I then proceeded to tell him about the cure.. and queen. And helped him pronounce some other band names. Moron. The whole back of the bus was looking at me like i was fucking insane. And *cough* (cough is the word i use when i'm talling about the biggest bastard in the world) was shooting me.. like dumbfounded looks. Like i was crazy. What the fuck is that? Because i don't listen to 50 cent? Give me a break. Fucking losers. I got a strobe light.. heh. I like strobe lights. It dosn't go that fast, but it's still cool. OOH. I'm redoing my room soon.

And in the midst of all this happiness, i'm still upset. Always. I still feel like shit. like i'm worthless, and i deserve nothing of what i recieve. *sigh* I cut myself again last night, only like 15 cuts, not to deep, with some new razors i bought at staples because they didn't have x-acto knives. I was pissed. But, thats about it, i guess. Oh, except my family is coming over tomorrow night. *sobs* damnit. And, the dog ripped my new pants. roar. They have little devils on them...

cannot stay here

birthday [Thursday, February 12th, 2004
@ 3:41pm ]
[ mood | artistic ]
[ music | lostprophets-burn burn ]

Soo..yesterday was my birthday..Before about 2 years ago, i always saw it as a huge big deal. Then again, i always had parties before last year. I stopped having them because everyone did the same thing. movies + then a sleepover. Woohoo. Never excited me. So... i got 3 rings. hella. I now have nine. I've heard i'm getting one more. I am obsessive about my rings. I wear three on my necklace, and 6 on my fingers, because not all of them look right together. This morning i left my mothers house without my rings, and i had a flip out attack. I seriously think im obsessive compulsive. I dont even know why, but i started crieing, and i wouldn't leave my dads house without my rings, so i made my dad go to my moms house, pick them up, and then drive me to school late. He was pissed. I found a good spot to buy x-acto knives. I've been looking for one, so i went to staples.com, just to see. And they have them! I'm making dad drop me off there tonight. I'll run in and buy the knife and a notebook or something. I'm in a relativly good mood, but i'm a bomb. I am, it take one thing. One negative comment, one statement, that will set me off. I havn't cut myself in a few days now. Acctually.. since.. uh.. last week. I'm waiting for these to heal completely, and then.. if i still need to. I've been scratching myself alot with my fingernails, it wont attract so much attention. I need to go CD shopping horribly bad. This kid i know got me into from autumn to ashes.. and all this other stuff. Arch enemy. So, i want those CDs, and then...oh god like 3958493 others. Since i have kazaa, i'll only buy cds for bands i'm really into. Like i wouldn't buy the darkness' cd. *sigh* I'm tired.And the sheer fact that theres school tomorrow is getting me down. Eh, whatever. I'm out.. i'll write again later.. maybe.

cannot stay here

quizzes [Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
@ 9:22am ]
You represent... angst.
You represent... angst.
You have an extremely cynical outlook on just about
everything. It's okay to sulk and be
depressed, but life is short, and you only get
one. It's only what you make it, and only you
can make it improve.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla


Death
It's not that you fear death, you are just unsure
about it. You have no solid opinion of Death.
To you, death is just something that you should
try to avoid at all costs. Safety
first!






Do you embrace DEATH ?
brought to you by Quizilla

im getting a 'the cure' shirt for my birthday. If i could dance, i would be happy dancing right now.
cannot stay here

stuff [Monday, February 9th, 2004
@ 7:10pm ]
Tired dosn't even begin to describe how i feel right now. I feel... completely lethargic. I couldn't sleep last night, and i have a feeling tonight wont be any better. There's 400 things i have to do for school that i havn't and i'm getting sick of it all way too fast. My parents are too. I can see it. The other night my mother went to give me my pill, and i never swallow them, but she was like 'lift your tounge' So i swallowed it really quick and she was like 'just kidding' i was so mad at myself. I went crazy, clawing at things, screaming, crieing, throwing myself at the walls, clawing at my skin. They were about to send me away right then. Sending me somewhere wont help. I know that maybe if i accepted help i would be able to stop, but my life wont get better. I can't say why. But cutting myself is my outlet and i don't want to stop, so i'm not. I kind of wish they would just give up. They wont though. So there is my supernaturally short update


happy (really belated) birthday adam! .. im sorry, i was too distraught to even think about it.

my birthday is in 2 days... =\
cannot stay here

another survey. SORRY.bored [Friday, February 6th, 2004
@ 2:18pm ]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | from autumn to ashes- milligram smile ]

Childhood weirdness

Did you spend your childhood time with mostly real or imaginary friends?: Uh, myself. No imaginary, or real friends.Loser.
Did people consider you an odd child?:I was a little.. strange.
Do you have memories that go back to when you were only a few months old?: I have memories from when i was a few years old. Not that young though
Do you remember any thoughts you had when you where very young?:ah, yes.
Were they intricate or simple thoughts?: many were complex thoughts, i started reading early..
If you answered "intricate", give an example of one of those thoughts:I don't know.. would wonder things about the earth, and i would program my mind into remembering how people looked when they lied. (my dad's a big liar...)
Were you dreams very vivid as a child?:Rarley.. i didn't start having vivid dreams until a few years ago.
What is the strangest memory you have from early childhood?: Strangest? meeting a clown at a piza parlor.
Were you a child prodigy or did you display any gifts at a young age?: No. I learned how to read + talk early.. dosn't make me a prodigy..*le duh*
What was the most "grown-up" thing you ever said as a child?: don't know
What were your favoite TV shows in early childhood?: I was quite fond of strawberry shortcake
Were you afraid of monsters?: I was never really that bad with the monster under the bed thing. I was more into reality, you know, kid nappers and stuff.
Did you believe that fictional characters were real?:I used to wish they were
Were you more quiet and artistic or loud and physical?: quiet and artistic

Issues and US Stuff

Do you eat meat?: occasionally
If you do, what is your justification for it?:...Because i want to. Moron.
If you could legalize 3 things in the US, what would they be?: killing the president if hes a moron,and uhhh... OOH gay marraiges.. *shoots george bush dead in the eye* FUCKER.
Do you belive in the death penalty?:Uh.. well.. I don't know. Depends on what they did.
Did Mumia do it?: sure.
If you had a choice, which country would you have chosen to be born into?: I don't know...
What are your opinions of Michael Moore?:*shrugs*
Describe your feelings about marijuana legalization:I don't like drugs. I despise them. Even if it was legalized, i would not partake in it.
What about gay marriage?: I don't think it should even be a question. Legalize it, god damnit.
Red, White and Blue is a ghastly color combination, right?:...okay.Sure, yes it is.
What television news coverage do you detest the most?:Uh, chanell 3. Makes me want to shoot myself
What will you do if Bush is re-elected? Cry/scream/celebrate etc...:Go insanly crazy with anger. Hes a fucking close minded moron. redneck.
Which state do you think will drop off into the ocean first?: Don't know.
Who do you consider "American Heros"?: *cough* dunno.

Completely Obtuse And Silly Questions

Have you ever taken something apart just to see how it worked? Explain.:No.
Do you ever yell at the television while you are alone? Reason?:Who says i have to be alone? I talk to the TV bunches.
Name a few things (if any) that you bought on Ebay recently:Nothing.
Are the Muppets sinister? Think about it.:Why, of course.
Do you watch the Science Channel (Discovery) on a regular basis?:No....
Ever gotten into an "in person" argument with a total stranger? Discuss: Tons of times.
Sugar or Honey?: sugar. I dont find the taste of honey appealing at all. In tea, okay, honey.
What's on your desk right now?:Coke cans, CD case,CDs,Papers,notebooks,watermelon jolly ranchers, speakers,mouse,mousepad.. STUFF
How many e-mails do you recieve a day?:Don't know.
Do you think that time travel is a possibility?:Sure.
Have you ever had a past life regression?:I'm not sure if thats what it was, but possibly
Are you slightly addicted to online tests and surveys?: Yeahh
San Francisco or New York City?:Either.
Are you really a famous person undercover on Live Journal?: Oh god.*ducks* you found me out.
Are you really an alien spectator studying the human condition via LJ?: Mmhmm.
What are your favorite color combinations?:Well, as for colors.. nothing. Shades black + white. Shades and colors:black white and red
Close your eyes and type the first random image that pops into your head: writing on a piece of paper.
Do you enjoy night or day better?:Night
Favorite animal:Cats..i still don't have one though *sigh*
Have you ever been to a protest?: No.
Aggravated a cop on purpose?:Why of course.
Worst decision you ever made?:*smashes head into wall repeatedly*
Ever gone train hopping/ridden the rails?:No.
Best invention of this century? Worst?: Everything is both. The televsion: good for relaxation, bad for the obease who need to get out and exersize.
If you could choose a time period in which to live, which would it be?:London.. 18th-19th century
Ever put your hand through a window?:No i havn't
List a few words you hate the sound of:A few...
And a few you like the sound of:A few, i dont know. I like words.
Are you sick of this survey yet? Well, fuck you. There's more....:Not really

Emotions And Such

Have you attempted suicide more than once?: I don't want to die
Cutting?:Yeah i cut..
Do you get violent when you are angry?:I can be. Depends.
Which emotion are you most consumed by?:Depression,worriness,concern,anger,nothingness.
Are you highly emotive?: yeah
Do you discuss problems or keep them to yourself?:myself
Do you fall in love easily?: No
What age/year was the most difficult for you?:this + last year have been my worst.
How do you channel your anger/sadness?:music.singing,writing..
Ever been addicted to alcohol or drugs?:No.
Ever been homeless?: No.
List a few simple things that make you happy::music,reading,chocolate,walking in the rain
When were you most recently your happiest?:. Don't know....
Do you consider yourself empathetic?:Yeah..it's not always a good thing. Sometimes i make myself disregaurd it.

Friends

Describe your best friend as if you were describing a character from a film:crazy,empathetic(more so than myself)
Do you have friends that are drastically different from each other?: Yes
List a few key traits that all of your friends have in common:Fucking insane.
Do you keep in touch with friends from highschool?: ..............
Have you lost touch with many of your friends?:Yeah
Are they mostly local or long distance?:local, one of my best friends moved though =(
When you go out with friends, what kinds of things do you do?: mall, houses.
Have you ever been betrayed by a close friend?: Yeah.
If yes, are you still friends with that person?: Yes.. one of them, because i was too close with her to let it go. The others i ditched.I don't need that shit
Are your friends mostly your age, younger or older?:alot are the same or older.
Do you have a hard time making friends because most people bore you?:Yeah. Well.. people are stupid.
Do you like to hang out with friends one-on-one or in groups?:With my close friends, all of us together is great.
Which of your online friends do you have the most in common with?:Online friends? joe.

Family

Are you close to your family?:No particularly
What traits are you glad you inherited from them?:From my mother- independance.
Which traits are you pissed off you inherited from them?: alot
What sitcom does your family most remind you of?:None.
Does your family live locally or far away?: locally.
Have you ever stopped speaking to someone in your family?:for periods of time, yes
Have either of your parents died?: no.
Is your family very much like you or are you opposites?:they're not like me..
How many siblings do you have?: 1
Has your family ever thrown food at each other?:nope.Acctually, my dad once threw a pizza crust at my cousin and it hit her in the forhead. That was funny.
Are the holidays a nightmare or a time of joy?:*smahes head into wall* SHIT.
Do you look like your parents?:...dont know
List one interesting fact about your family:My mothers side were all insane. My fathers side are mostly bottled up backstabbers.They'll never tell you the truth about what they think of you.

Lovers

Gay, Straight, Bi-sexual or no idea?: Im straight. I don't mind being around gay or bisexual people though.
Married/partnered?:Neither.
Ever gone out with someone you were embarassed to be seen with?:No..what the fuck would be the point?
Ever broken someones heart?: Don't think so.
How many serious relationships have you had?: 1 *smacks self in face*
Do you believe in monogamy?: Uh... I personally don't think i plan on getting married.Maybe, i don't know.I would rather be truley in love with someone and be able to say that, and mean it, then say 'Yeah, im married'
Have you ever lusted obsessively over someone you knew you couldn't have?: If you count celebrities, sure.
Do you believe in the theory of soulmates?: yeah, well.. i dont know. yeah i think i do.
Ever cheated?: No. Never will.
Been cheated on?: yes. That stupid bastard. My hatred NEVER will subside for what he did to me.more than just cheated on me, mind you.
Thrown someones stuff out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?:Yeah
Had your stuff thrown out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?:no
Most important emotional qualities of a lover?:alot
Most important physical qualities?:dosn't matter to me that much. It's nice, but i dont care about it.



Diamond:prism.
Skillet: pancakes!
Wired:electrical
Bounce: trampoline
Rings:finger
Lampshade: bulb
Ouch:air sanitizer
Flip:spatula
Puffy:pillow
American:flag
Love:Death.
Importance:life
Umbrella: parasol
Fingerprints:wine glass
Boxes:Pot.
Pigeon: Bird
Kill:Die
Water:Plain
Splendid:Flames
Cows:spots
No: Exactly
Willow: weep
Poem:Beauty
Spittle:Grease
Betty: Canary
Wool: lambs
Watermelon: jolly ranchers
Pontificate:buttox
France:fries


Food & Drink

Non-alcoholic beverage of choice::water/soda
Alcoholic beverage of choice::i dont drink
Foods you crave on a regulr basis::bread
Salsa and Chips or Pita and Hummus?:neither
Meat or Tofu?: ..either. I don't eat meat alot. Normally just chicken. Im a chicken person =)
Soup or Salad?: Soup
Soda or Juice?: soda
Can I get you anything else?:.....
What's your problem?:Haha. Alot
Favorite candy:: jolly ranchers,hershey,gummi bears. those are all i'll eat. The occasional twix.
Favorite food to make::pancakes.*flip* heh.
Food brand that you hate?: tons of shit
Do you try to buy all organic?: ehhhhhhh
Favorite quick food?: nothing

Would You Rather...

Eat a steak or a whole tube of toothpaste?: ...neither...
Be covered in papercuts or cigarette burns?:mm.. uh.. paper cuts. To be covered in cigarette burns it would imply a cigarette would have to be light around me.
Be percieved as intelligent or street-smart (but not both)?: Well.. i don't know. I find myself more intelligent, than i am streetsmart but i suppose im a little of both. I don't care really.
Eat a bottle cap or a spider the size of a bottle cap?: Bottle cap.
Have to always eat standing up or always enter your car from the sunroof.: i dont have a car.. *sigh* so i guess eating standing up.
Be ruled exclusively by your heart or your mind?: Mine, my mind and heart usually cooperate anyway.
Have the power to read minds or make anyone fall in love with you?:read minds,only when i chose to though, none of that 24 hour hearing voices shit.
Chew shards of broken glass or sit on a lighted barbeque grill?:oh glass.
Not be able to tell the time or not know left from right?: not be able to tell time.
Be able to fly or be able to render yourself invisible?: invisibility.
Eat 15 feet of aluminum foil or swallow 3 steel guitar strings?FOIL.
Have questionable integrity or no sense of humor?: uh.. questionable integrity.
Always spit when you talk or always be spit on while spoken to?: Neither *dies* i hate spit
Granted the answers to any 3 questions or ability to resurrect one person?: 3 questions. No one in particlular i would like to resurect at the moment.

Final Questions

Ever had a great song ruined for you after it was used in a commercial?:No.. the only song i liked that was put into a commercial was one by the cure.. maybe a few by queen, and i still liked the songs anyway.
Ever yelled at an SUV?: heh sure
A Hummer?:YES. theyre fucking ugly
Ever faked being sick to get out of going somewhere?: Every fucking week
Horror film that freaked you out the most?:hmm.. the ring? Heh, i dont know. The exorsist maybe.
Horror film that is so scary, you could not be paid to watch it again.: i would see any horror film over again. I love horror films.
If you could turn back time and change one thing, what would it be?: Nothing, don't you know about the whole 'change your past, change your present' shit?
Bambi or Nemo?:Neither, they both suck.
List 3 things that are worrying you right now: a few things
Are you sick of this survey yet?: Nah
It's too fucking long, right?: no.
Well, I'm just trying to help you pass the time.: Kay
How long have you been on LJ?: this is a blurty, dear. Since august.
Do you find it t be a fulfilling experience?: ..Uh.. not really
Describe the last dream you had: A nightmare a few nights ago. I forget what really happened. All i know is that it was scary.
Ever brought a lawsuit against a company?: no
Ever sang at a Karaoke bar?: no
What was the worst concert you ever went to?: fuck you.
The best?:None.*le sigh*
Do you think you'll ever have children if you don't already?:no
Do you think there is life on other planets?: Yep
Have you ever saved a dying animal?: No.
Most disgusting thing you have ever "found" in your food:: hair, a tooth
Have you ever broken a leg or arm?:no
Would you rather stay in the house or do things outside: Inside. Im not much for the sun. (ever see all those old people with sunspots?)
Do people make their own reality? Is there one true reality? Discuss.:Reality is overrated. Some people chose to live their own worlds out, in their minds..their thoughts. So there are many realities.
David Letterman or Jay Leno?: neither
Last words?: biotch

cannot stay here

long rant because i realized i wasn't done [Monday, February 2nd, 2004
@ 1:17pm ]
rant time )
cannot stay here

Bad news [Monday, February 2nd, 2004
@ 12:20pm ]
[ mood | infuriated ]
[ music | evanescence-hello ]

So last night.. uh.. yeah, i didn't feel that great. I used to cut with knives.. I take apart razors now, and use the acctual razor instead. I never acctually bled alot with knives, clean up was simple, and they barley hurt at all after i was done. But last night i used a razor.. and i cut. i have now about 200+ cuts all over my wrist,lower arm, sholder and a few on my leg. That is completly besides the point though. My mom walked in. Asked me to turn down the music and walked out, fast as she could. My upper arm was bleeding like mad, but i had pulled up the blankets quick enough, so i thought she didn't see me. Even though i didn't use the knives, i still have them. 5 knives. So i stopped then, and grabbed a teeshirt to cover up the bleeding while i walked to the bathroom. Now me in my panic forgot to re-hide the knives, and she ransacked my room and found them. Yeah. She told my dad. She told a lady at her work. Im going to see a fucking therapist. I may have to go to a hospital. This isn't right. God damnit, this isn't RIGHT. they weren't even that fucking bad! THEY WEREN'T THAT FUCKING BAD. sure there were quite a few, but damnit, they weren't that deep. Only a few bled over night.This just isn't right. Im not fucking insane. Im not a mental case. Im more sane then half the people out there. Cutting isn't being a fucking ass threat to myself. Im saving myself. And with all the shit they'vre put me through... They have no right. I dont care if they're my parents or they're fucking god. they have NO right. Besides, who says i'm going to talk to the therapist anyway?

cannot stay here

yeah im back [Saturday, January 31st, 2004
@ 11:55pm ]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | manic street preachers -yes ]

more lyrics though. Im bored and i really like this song so here ya' are

You're such an inspiration for the ways
That I'll never ever choose to be
Oh so many ways for me to show you
How the savior has abandoned you
Fuck your God
Your Lord and your Christ
He did this
Took all you had and
Left you this way
Still you pray, you never stray
Never taste of the fruit
You never thought to question why

It's not like you killed someone
It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side
Praise the one who left you
Broken down and paralyzed
He did it all for you
He did it all for you

Oh so many many ways for me to show you
How your dogma has abandoned you
Pray to your Christ, to your god
Never taste of the fruit
Never stray, never break
Never---choke on a lie
Even though he's the one who did this to you
You never thought to question why

Not like you killed someone
It's Not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side
Talk to Jesus Christ
As if he knows the reasons why
He did it all for you
Did it all for you
He did it all for you..

a perfect circle... judith

Im still being a bad religion junkie. Theres only been a few times i've turned off 'generator' today. Good cd.. *cough* Acctually i listened to a few other things, a little AFI, and i went to a site where the recomend songs and downloaded stuff. I always do that. End up getting some good stuff too. Man, i need a life. And some CD's before i go insane. Kazaa is a shit. I go to download the last kiss + on the cd the track listing is all messed up with weathered tome and the last kiss so it took me like 3853 downloads to acctually get the REAL 'the last kiss' i wanted to beat it to death with a spoon. Im so tired. Sooo tired. I hate to make all these depressing entries latley about cutting and stuff, but i've really been thinking about it latley.My birthday is soon. I guess thats kind of cool. Not really abig deal. More presents =). I really only want cd's, a few shirts, some posters + the AFI box set thing, then i'm cool. There are so many cd's though. I can see me just walking through FYE down every isle and taking the ones i want. My basket would be full. if FYE has baskets. I would need one. So whatever.I like my black light. Its interesting. It really [provides little to no light which is a good thing, because im quite fond of the darkness (not the band, silly goose). I need more soda. Im staying awake tonight. I acctually kind of want to go back to my moms house because thats... uh.. thats where i cut. Its easier for me to cut there. *sigh* Im not very happy right now. I'm so overwhelmed with school..and..everything. It gets tiring. I would do anything to make the stress stop. In other news the cure's lullaby video is awesome. I havn't seen it before yesterday. I thought it was cool... Speaking of the cure, i had a conversation today about south park.i never knew they were guests on that. Or so the kid i was talking to says. I guess thats about it for now.

cannot stay here

Yeah [Saturday, January 31st, 2004
@ 4:56pm ]
Today = sheer bordom. See, i should be doing a science project, but i see no point seeing as there is no way in hell i can conduct a 2 week expieremt in 2 days and do a whole giant big ass presentation on it. So on monday, ill go to school and faint before science. If they don't let me out, i get yelled at big deal. I don't see why everyones afraid of it. What are they doing to do? beat me? harpoon me? No i didn't think so. Technicly i don't HAVE to do anything but die. I can make choices about anything else i want. I mean i might get locked up for some bad ones, but it was my choice. Im not letting anyone else dictate my life, no matter what. So... im tired, and not in the best of spirits. Made biscuts before, they sucked. The bottom burned and the inside wasn't done yet. So i just said fuck it and threw 'em all out. then the fucking ass dog bit my ear so i was like 'you BITCH!' and my dad heard me and all that fun stuff. Technicly not fun.. DAMNIT. SHUT UP. im being to technical today, im about to drown myself in technicalitys. Okay thats it. Whatever.
cannot stay here

[Saturday, January 31st, 2004
@ 12:00am ]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | nothing, my ears ringing ]

this post is REALLY personal. I suggest that if your someone who reads this ( i know a few of you *cough* are) be careful. I dont know why but i just really need to vent right now. Im a cutter. I have been a cutter since this summer and it dosn't look like theres any chance in the near future of me stopping. I've been visiting websites,communitys anything, to help. I can't its an addiction. Without this and the music, i would die. My life balances between the two. Its a need. A pure NEED. I cut my arms, wrists, hands, my leg once or twice. Normally my left wrist and arm because i'm right handed, and its easy to cover up with wristbands and long sleeves. My mom walked in on me one night a few months ago. She tool my knife, and saftey pin. I had another knife still. With it i slashed my curtains, destroyed alot of stuff in my room. Went insane, BLARED my music. The i pocketed the knife and went outside to my spot, i had my music on so i stood there in the back by the woods at 10:30 at night and listened to music. My mom knows i still cut i think. I believe she just isn't saying anything, shes found 3 other knives besides that one.(room raids). So i keep having to get more. I think she should just get over it. I don't even fucking cut myself that bad compared to the other people i've seen. The only things i use are a knife and shavers i rip apart and get the blades out of. Occasionaly a pin or something if theres nothing else around. There would be better things if i could get my hands on them. People think im crazy. HELL maybe i am. But this is who i am. i am a cutter. Im not a perfect person. Things trouble me. Talking to people literally makes me sick. Writing in a journal only relives some of the stress. Cutting and music give me release. Thats what i need. I'd been searching for it all last year. I also have other forms of hurting myself that arn't cutting. Its a disease that i don't want to go into *sigh* I don't know why i posted this. There was no point for it. I just suddenly had the overwhelming urge to post this. Kind of like i had been keeping a secret from no one. Maybe i am. Just keeping a secret from no one.

cannot stay here

My bordom has gotten the best of me [Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
@ 5:35pm ]
[ mood | lethargic ]
[ music | paper airplanes(msw) AFI ]

Im going home in like a half hour, but my online activities have already all been worn out. Seeing as, on the computer im always, blurtying,paint shop + animation shoping,talking to people, musicing,AFI fansiting,picture stealing, or comm lurking.. i have nothing left to do. We had a snow day today, not that it was that much of a big deal because.. I don't even know. Normally i would get all excited about it and be like 'HELLA. SNOW DAY!' and maybe jump or something else signifying happiness, but nope. I just slept 'til 11 when my sister + her friend woke me up 'cause they wanted to make pancakes and weren't allowed to use the stove without me watching. Then i came up here and they chased me around for a while. Nothing fun. My sisters friend fell down the stairs though, i got a kick out of that. Poor kid had a video camera on though, so him and the camera are tumbling down the stairs, and its all on tape. *sigh* Haha, i kept the tape. =). Seeing as i'm not fond of my journal the way it is, ill be re-doing it EXTREMLY soon. Tomorrow at the earliest, the next day at the latest.I've acctually been making some hella good AIM icons. *smiles* yay. Uh.. i guess thats it.. Have to pack. *sigh*.Damnit.

cannot stay here

for the hell of it [Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
@ 11:02pm ]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | dream of waking -afi ]

Well well well... Okay i meant nothing by that triple well, but i felt like saying it, so shutup. Anywaysssss, recap... uh monday was complete shit. The day went horrible and i was just in one of those 'shut up or ill beat you with rotting bamboo' moods.On the bus that same day this kid named mark comes on and says 'i am going to preform an enema' First i jumped, then i gasped, then i asked him if he even knew what the fuck it was. Naturally he didn't and naturally i was the only one on the bus who did know. SO I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO THEM WHAT AN ENEMA WAS. i wanted to hurl myself off of a 19 story building and land on shards of glass, being carried in carts by llamas I hate that word *shudders uncontrollably* Its the only thing you can really say to freak me out, nothing else really gets to me *shudders more violently and falls out of chair shaking, near a seizure*I dont feel good at all and i have no medicine. Fucking ass bitch day quill all not being here....and stuff. OOOOO, NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!! *dances a joyous happy like dance* Hah, i really can't dance for the record. I need to go cd + earing + tee shirt + bracelet + sticker spree-ing. I could use some pants + boots too. Mine are shot. Like, 'blah gross, those dont even look like boots, they look like dead badgers' shot. Anyway, this post was irrelevent and completely unnecessary anyway, so uh.. thats it....

cannot stay here

Wildcats will getcha in the woods!*spooookyyyy* [Friday, January 23rd, 2004
@ 8:14pm ]
So i go to download a song... and i get this..this thing..and i was like 'Okkayy, i'll listen to it, to see what it is' and so it starts playing and shit, it was like..blah blah blah wildcats will get you in the woods if you go in the wrong part of a cunt balls butterballs cum,fuckin' dick balls BUTTERBALLS CUUUMMMMMM. I STARTED CRACKING UP! the song i tried to dl was bleed black *SHUDDAP I ALREADY OWN THE CD!!...i didn't steal ittt! =)*
10 cannot stay here

Oh my... [Friday, January 23rd, 2004
@ 2:47pm ]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Judge mathis "hey cutie" ]

I stayed home today for the following reasons

1. Im sick as shit, throatache, can't breathe
2. It's friday, long weekend, and i can't breathe
3.Im tired,..and i can't breathe.

My friends got concered about me yesterday, allie and michele. As many friends as i have (Its not that many, but i do have friends) They're the only ones that notice things like that about me. That entry a while back about me cutting myself..well, i went into school one day completely forgetting the cuts were still there, They weren't hella deep or anything, but there were a few. Allie noticed them. Jess noticed them. Everyone noticed them. Everyone asked why. Only allie didn't belive my lie. Now, i know im a pretty good actress (=\) because i can fool everyone but allie + michele, which means either im a shitty actress around them, or they know me to well. And im guessing that they know me too well.

I lost my medicine, but i hate taking medicine, i hate it. I can take most pills without water, but i hate medicine. I don't want the fake security blanket of feeling semi okay for a few hours + then getting slammed with being sick again. Plus the medicine dosn't help in the long run.

The young punk rockers of america are multiplying. *sigh* Every new day, theres another person listening to simple plan and...wearing 'punk' clothes from delias. I acctually almost fainted from laughing so hard the other day when i saw this girl, wearing a shirt on it, that said 'PUNK' in big pink letters, well i was like..okay, untill i saw her turn around, and saw the word 'delias' printed in teeny little letters. Needless to say i cracked up + she looked at me like i was insane, hey, if you want to wear delias, cool, good for you. But don't take a lifestyle and turn it into a trend *sigh* its annoying. I think they're starting to hate me more! =). Good, excellent. Im acctually happy about this. Conversing with the likes of them was like conversing with a decayed tree, mared with burn marks and ugly moss growing out of its hollow branches. I need chap stick. AYE. Im wondering why i dont own any chap stick, seeing as im always chewing on my stupid lips, (a habit i've had since i was little, when i fell and cut my lip) I NEED CHAPSTICK. Damn damn bo bamn. I have to go back to my moms house tonight *extremly large sigh, followed by a disgusted look*

I'm watching Judge Mathis. These people are really dense. They need to think of a good lie if they're going to. Seriously. The judge is kind of cool anyways. Heh.People are stupid. I love stupid people.Except for the times when i want to lines them all up in front of a cliff and bulldoze them over it, so they fall and impale themselves on spikes. Speaking of impaleing, my cousin wrote a poem about her boyfriend, i belive ill share it

When i think of you i get sick,
When i see your face,
i 'wanna' rip it off,
When i hear your voice,
I want to pierce my ear drums,
When you touch me,
I want to bathe in a tub of flesh eating bile,
When you look in my eyes,
i want to cut them out and replace them with marbles,
And when you tell me you love me,
i want to choke on human feces and drink gasoline until my stomach walls break down & dissolve into a steaming pile of cow shit.
And the day you ask me to be your wife,
i will hurl my body over a bridge & fall into a boiling sea of dead fish heads
The day you ask me to have your child,
I will pull my toe nails out one by one & eat them and dump salt into the open wounds
And the day we break up,
i will dismember your body, fill up your head with kerosine, light it on fire, and roast some smores
And when you come back from the dead,
I would want to impale myself with a rusted pole, put blood sucking leeches all over my body until i shrivel up into a pile of lifeless skin and bones.


Yeah, she wrote that down for me when she was in a fight with her boy friend, i found it humorous, My mother however, didn't. Im going to go lay down now.

cannot stay here

[Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
@ 4:46pm ]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | APC - whole cd ]

Trieing to think. Had a really sudden urge to write, and i don't even know how to put what i want to say into words without sounding ....blahish. I dont know what that meant either.Im having a hard time concentrating on things,school things, friend things, i just get frusterated. And honestly there have been more than one times where i wished i could lock myself up in my room and lay around for ever, reading, computer, music,television, and never have to deal with people, and their stupidity. And i know people are always like 'you have to give people a chance' but these are people like priests who say they're all accepting of people, but as soon as they see a gay couple they hold out they're fucking crosses for protection like they're going to attack the preist.I refuse to do that, and say i dont hate 90% of humanity, because i do. Maybe not a real hate, that privalige i reserve for a special few people who.. shall remain unamed. I have a small to large dislike for the rest of the world.My friends + family, people in good bands, people i idolize are exceptions. Thats about it though. Everyone is in everything for themselves only, and im not saying that im like a fucking.. savior and that i'll do everything for other people and completely disregaurd myself for anyone, but there are people i would give near everything i've got for. I would stand up for any one of my friends, and i would never betray them. But there are people who would do that... and have. Whatever..=\

cannot stay here

Rambleing ..woop? [Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
@ 11:12am ]
Im getting hella sick again. This is pissing me off majorly...AY. Yeah my throat hurts like a fuck, so i came home early today, seeing as i cant just not go to school because of truancy + probation officers. I told my friend katie about it, and she was like 'what, we can jump off bleachers and scream, and set fires in your basement, but thats no big deal as long as you go to school' which cracked me up, because its true, last summer we spent a whole day at the highschool jumping off the top part of the bleachers (theres this big wooden thing connecting to the top off one, like a platform, and it has a railing on it) onto football mats + stuff. And then last year i had katie and allie over + we almost burned down the damn house (yeah...NOT ON PURPOSE *coughs and shuffles feet*)But i could get a probation officer for.. not going to school........? KAYYYY. Fucking moron ass infesting mucus eating shit heads. =) sooo...Im bored. Its 11:11. YAY for 11:11. Im kind of hyper. Dont know why. But i have school work to do. i dont wantt toooo. AYE. Maybe i wont.
cannot stay here

revalations [Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
@ 4:04pm ]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | afi - synesthesia demo ]

Don't know if i spelled the subject right. But i've been thinking. Maybe people arn't forced to be what they are. Maybe they just really are born without ambition, are born without a pre defined sense of who they are, so they have to turn to the media to get some kind of personality. Maybe, i don't really know, i've just been thinking. Im getting sick again. Rent was good, but about halfway through my throat started to hurt like a mother fucker.*le sigh* and i have tons of work to do that i never finished. MAN DAMNIT. =) but still im in a relativly good mood. I dont know why, i can't sing, hurts to talk, my ears are ringing, my braclets are digging into my skin, and im tired, but im still okay. I don't even know why. My mom is still making me see that therapist though. =( fuck her, im not saying anything. I fixed my binders...Nothing much is really going on. My new icon isn't great. I keep looking at it, and wanting to bite it. I need to make another one.My nail polish is chipping like a bitch, mine always chips from random places, like some it will be on the top, some chips from the bottom and sometimes from the center, which i dont get at all, but its annoying. Damn bitch shit ass nail polish. fucking hell, im tired. Im Cussing alot. Go me *cheerleads* Hah, sure. Uh, i guess thats it because im so boring =) and i have nothing amusing to say. Im not even in a very sarcastic mood, which is new and different, maybe ill try to go to sleep. Damn sun.

cannot stay here

new icon,rent,snow [Sunday, January 18th, 2004
@ 11:08am ]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | nothing yet ]

Well something happened + my computer deleted my icon or something, so i made a new one. I cant take credit for anything besides acctually makeing it because i got it
here and just cropped the pictures + everything + animated it + added my own text. Sounds like alot, but its too easy, so i take only 1/4 of the credit.Maybe even less than that. Eh, whatever, i dont know. Its snowing out. Again. Alot. We may not be able to go see rent. Ehh. Oh well.I dont have any formalish clothes anyway... I have a black tee shirt.. is that formal? AH i don't know. I am severly bored. One of those kinds of bored where you clip your toenails + then glue them together and make little people out of them, build them a house out of an old banana and a can of soda and give them names. NO, i didn't do that. Im just saying. Anyway, this post was mainly out of bordom, and it being only 11 o'clock, i have almost nothing to say. Farewell.

cannot stay here

[Saturday, January 17th, 2004
@ 10:47pm ]
[ mood | enthralled ]
[ music | losssssssa music ]

i think i already took this, oh well.

15 Random Favorites (in no particular order)::

01.music
02.afi
03.computerrr
04.my 'ghetto' walkman with the tape to keep the batteries in
05.the nightmare before christmas
06.big fish
07.my hella cool cd case
08.my sandalwood body oils
09.black eyeliner
10. hair dye
11. cd shopping spree
12. posers
13. the shade black
14. peircings
15.Stuff =)

::14 Favorite Foods::

01.italian bread
02.ANY bread
03. bagels
04.rice
05.popcorn *no butter..BLAH*
06. chicken =) (sometimes)
07. sandwhiches (peanut butter)
08. lightly toasted peanut butter sandwhiches (shuddap!)
09. iced tea
10. water
11.coca cola
12. campells chicken noodel*the classic stuff*
13.cheese doodels
14.....uhmmmmm... sno cones?


::13 Most Watched Shows::

01.fuse
02.the news
03. infomercials
04. viva la bam (at like 3 in the morning when i cant sleep)
05.jackass (same as vlb)
06. ....
07.....
08....
09. random game shows
10.
11. i dont really watch tv
12. ....
13. anything to do with rock on mtv2


::12 Good Bands/Musicans In Your Opinion::

01. AFI
02. Evanescence
03.Nevermore
04. The cure
05. Bad religion
06. queen
07.SOS
08. A perfect circle
09. ..... a tie right here between a few bands
10. another tie here
11. The White Stripes
12. Another tie. *le sigh*

::10 Favorite People (no particular order)::

01. Davey
02. Jade
03. adam
04. hunter
05. MICHELE!!!!
06. ALLIE!!!!!
07. KATIE!!!!!!
08. JESS!!!!
09. cartoons =)
10. everyother special person in my favorite bands, you rock too.



::9 Things You're Looking Forward To::

01.Tomorrow (going to see rent)
02.big fish comes out on dvd
03. the end of this school year
04. the end of highschool
05.afi concert that may never come if they dont come UP HERE! *cough CT cough*
06. nose pierced
07. car
08. lisence
09. 18th bday

::8 Things You Wear Daily::

01.EYELINER
02. my rings (5)
03. a necklace
04.A scrunchie or two on my wrist
05. nailpolish,marker,some kind of color
06. earings
07.clothes
08. shoesss

::07 Things That Annoy You::

01.bad music
02. people who have no ambition
03. people who do everything for someone else
04. close mindedness (new word, biznatch)
05. People my age who think they're so ..Ghetto. Dude, your 14. SHUDDAP.
06. My school
07. people in general

::6 Things You Touch Every Day::

01.my hair
02. my hands (with the other hand, smartass)
03. A cd playing device of some sort
04. a cd
05. my bracelets (2)
06. my keys

::5 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over::

01.BIG FISH
02.Tnmbc
03. Edward scissorhands
04. girl interupted (i know.. i spelled it wrong)
05.POTC

::4 Of Your Favorite Things When You Were Little::

01.The care bears
02.TNMBC (since i was..like 5)
03.danceing
04. My little pony, strawberry shortcake,rainbow bright

::3 boys/girls You have Kissed::

01.Little black kid (shuddap, thats what i call him)
02. *coughhh*
03. (the cough stood for someone i wouldn't like to mention)


::2 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment::

01.all of afi, off of black sails, the art of drowning, all hallows, sts, everything
02. all of nevermore + the cure (i cant have just 2 favorite songs!)


::1 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With::

01. DAVEY =)

cannot stay here

wow [Saturday, January 17th, 2004
@ 6:00pm ]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | nothhhhhhhhinggg ]

just got back from the movies... it was...wow.Seriously, im in love. Tim burton is a god, and should be recognized as such, *bows down* =). I fucking loved the movie..wow. Anyway...I really have nothing else to say besides wow, because it was just that good. My friend started crieing a little. I didn't.. alot of people in the theatre were crieing though. It was excellent, but to make that statement even... close to how ...brilliant this movie was, you would need a string of words placed in front of excellent, all meaning incredible. I could never be a movie critic. Hah.

cannot stay here

Saturdayyyyy.. [Saturday, January 17th, 2004
@ 2:04pm ]
I keep waking up at times that are not normal for me latley, today, i woke up at 9 something. This is not right. I should still be asleep.Right now, sleeping.. in my stupid bed. My bed is stupid because my room is stupid. Im seeing big fish today =) yay for me. Going with michele. Painting nails that are already half painted is hardddd. I dont have np remover here.Damnit. Whatever, byebye. Loser.
cannot stay here

SHIAT [Friday, January 16th, 2004
@ 9:38am ]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | afi -morningstar ]

Morning Shithead! I downloaded a thing again, i was getting sick of having to go online everytime i wanted to update. I have only 2 more projects to do. *cough* Eh hem.They will most likley not get done today. Not like im planning on going anywhere today, because i am meg, the most prominate loser ever. Im drinking a pepsi. Gross, i dont like pepsi that much. Some people are like 'it tastes just like coke' NEWSFLAH :it dosn't, smartass. It tastes like pepsi, its too sweet, and theres not enough acidic flavoring. But im drinking it anyway, because my father decides 'hmmm pepsi,lets get that' EVEN THOUGH the coke bottles were right next to it. DUHHHH. Whatever, im ranting about soda, i doubt this is a good thing. I mean i can at least rant about something other than me ranting what to rant about. OHHH,i tried to go to sleep last night and i had fuse on and there were all this shit videos on..and then i was like half asleep and silver and cold came on! i SPRUNG up and sat on my floor and stared up at my tv just like i did when watching hardrock live. HELLO FANGIRL. I really am though, i sicken myself at times with my fangirlishness. Wow-o. Hehe. Welllll at least im awake now, and falling out of my chair. When im asleep its like a coma, which is why i fear falling asleep anywhere with people around. But i rarlely sleep, so the coma side effect dosn't get to take place often. I have nothing much to really say, seeing as it is now 9:23 in the morning and i am drinking a pepsi. Maybe ill just take some quizzes! YES, THAT IS WHAT ILL DO!

I'm a Philosopher/Scientist!



Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?


Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons




ha, ima threat.


Jack's Lament


Which Nightmare Before Christmas song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

=)

well wow meg 2 whole fucking quizzes, but im bored anyway.
cannot stay here

*choir sings* YESSSSSS(aaaaaaaahhhhhhh) [Thursday, January 15th, 2004
@ 6:42pm ]
[ mood | energetic ]
[ music | i have the heart collector stuck in my head. Nothing though. ]

There is a snow day tomorrow as well! *rejoices* wooop! Which is hella excelent because today off, tomorrow,saturday, and sunday. Plus Tues + Wednesday i was only in school 'till like 10 each day. Yay for excellence. Which is not my icon. My icon sucks. It took me like 2 1/2 seconds to make,which is completely noticable. *sigh* I need to make a new one, i just have no patience to do so at the current moment. I could always TAKE ONE *evily laughs* But thats not fair because i can acctually make them. I should leave the stealable icons for people who can't make them. See how nice i am? Damnit. I have a printer now. Its defective, but it sorta works. It jams alot. Thats annoying, but at least I have it. My computer hella rocks, so thats..uh....good. Im Kind of happy tonight. This is...nice. I want to fuck around with the layout some more, 'cause im not really fond of it right now. I hate when you do something and your like 'THATS FUCKING AWESOME' but after a bit your like 'dude,that sucks asscrack' Well my layout does suck asscrack, major asscrack, like 79 year old plumber buttcrack. I just gave myself a bad vision. *le sigh* It is now 6:49 and i am tired as a sack of potatos being eaten by kangaroos,who are also drinking grape kool aid. I hate grape kool aid. Im cool with the fruit punch kind, but any grapish substance (yes,oh smart one, even real grapes) makes me sick, its all because of a cold medicine i had way back whennn *voice fades, screen gets wavy, flashback begins* I took this shit ass medicine called penecilin or something (oh shut up, i never said i can spell) And it was grape flavored and .. i was like 'FUCK NO BIOTCH' Anyway, it ruined my liking of all grapish things. Isn't that just upsetting? Well,i think it is, so shut up! I think thats it because i fear writing anymore will cause me to explode.

cannot stay here

snow day,biotch [Thursday, January 15th, 2004
@ 2:25pm ]
[ mood | artistic ]
[ music | aperfectcircle-the hollow ]

Yes,it is a snow day. I have two out of four projects finished and its only 2:25!! Woo hoo! *spins a happy new year annoying soundmaker thing* total and complete sarcasam right there,as if you couldn't tell....but yeahhh..I don't feel like doing the other projects at all and am dreading going to school tomorrow. I brought my cd's today though! Ya-hoo. And i fixed my binders,which makes me feel better, because my science teacher is freaky about having things in chronological (spelled it wrong) order, he'll stop the class + all that shit if he catches you with a messed up binder, and i'm not in the mood to get randomly picked out during class and sitting at a little tabel and organzing my damn binder. I only have two binders though. I rockkk. Science + shit. If i wrote 'SHIT' on the cover of one though, i would be decapitated seeing as the other day i was walking and i said holy shit,and one of the teachers was like 'WHAT DID YOU SAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?' *teachers face turns brilliant shade of red,and nearly explodes* Shit is like a weak form of profanity anyway, i mean i could have said 'holy fucking shit motherfucker',but i didn't and she bitches at me anyway. Fucker. OH SHIT! i had the fucking oddest dream ever. I dont even know how to say it... Okay, my parents weren't divorced and we were all at my other house, and my mom was.. exceptionally mean. Thats not even the words, she was evil to me. She kept throwing me glances and stuff and being seriously,puke inducingly nice to my dad. I think at one point she sent me to my room,which was outside for some reason, and she and my dad were talking and I was ducking behind a rock and watching them,and then I went back inside and it was a casino. So i was walking aroudn and i found them again,and it was really dark. My dad was holding all these cards attatched to eachother with binding and he was flipping through them saying "i dont want to waste them,No,i wont waste them" when he turned it over i saw it said 'adult pass' and i said ewww,he saw me and my mom rushed over and started yelling,then it flashed and i was standing there behind a car as my mom and dad were getting ready to leave me there, so i took out a paper towel or something and shoved it into the pipe in the back of the car,i hid begind the rock, and my dad couldn't start the car, so they found the paper towel and walked over to me, and then i woke up. I was listening to the cure as i was sleeping, but it still makes no sense...*le sigh* I just thought it was pretty damn weird. Hmm.... Nothing much else to say i guess besides something like 'im bored'. And i want to go cd shopping again. Now that i think about it there are so many cd's i want...*sighs again louder and wishes had money* My birthdays soon though.. =). Maybe ill get a few,or at least some damn money.

cannot stay here

there's a piece of popcorn under my keyboard [Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
@ 2:16pm ]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | nothingg..computer making a consistant buzz ]

Well,they 'put him to sleep'. I seriously don't like that phrase. Ahh,whatever. School again tommorrow,full day. I'm not looking forward to it at all. And i dont want to talk to someone EHHHHHHHHHHH. Thats what my fucking ass bitch mother always says 'meg,you need to talk to someone.' How the hell does she know what i need. I don't NEED shit from a shrink. And i know talking dosn't help me,because i've talked to people before and it worked like trieing to set something on fire by eating marshmellows. It's just annoying that i have only half of the control i should get for myself. My Choices don't matter,even though.. Im..me...? I don't know how to put it into words. It's just annoying as shit. If shits ..annoying. Im confusing myself.

To see the actor without tears
Dark rivers carve the years between the lines of self control
In my psychotic karmic fear,I own your tears anyway
And I am you and we are not afraid

And we won't be here for long
The heart collector sings his song that's slowly boiling over

Nevermore to feel the pain
The heart collector sang
And I won't be feeling hollow for so long
Nevermore to feel the pain
The words fall out like fire
Just believe when you can't believe anymore

The stage is empty now
I hope we hold and cannot allow
the corrupt eclectic takes his fatal bow

And we won't be here for long
The heart collector sings his song again

Nevermore to feel the pain
The heart collector sang
And I won't be feeling hollow for so long
Nevermore to feel the pain
The words fall out like fire
Just believe when you can't believe anymore


I know,in the beggining i said i wouldn't post lyrics. But Nevermore is a band i've recently been getting into,and that songs called 'the heart collector' off of.. dead heart in a dead world,and its fucking awesome. The cd's addictive,just as much as black sails,or the art of drowning is..or any other AFI album i suppose...but eh,whatever. Thats it.

cannot stay here

home early once again [Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
@ 11:45am ]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | nevermore-the heart collecter[listen to it..=)] ]

Soo..*sighs abnormally loud* Today..*coughs* We're putting hoochie (my dog,you shit) to sleep. Its a bit upsetting but im not crieing or anything,it'll be different though..He's been there since i was born + all,so it just going to be really weird. My dad came to pick me up early today (because of hooch) but im not going to the vets office with them anyway because if I do im going to start crieing..and all that lovley shit. Well when i got home today i recived a phone call from my mother,telling me that she had a talk with the fucking ass bitch social worker from school and that she thinks i may be clinicly depressed. Which could be true,but she told me that i was going to a fucking therapist weather i wanted it or not. She's wasting her money. Fucking asshole. Whatever,i would be more than glad to sit in a room for an hour and stare at the walls. But yeahhhh,so nothing else is really going on...If you call that shit nothing,which i guess to some people really is nothing,because im not stupid enough to think that there is no one else in the world who has it worse than me. But still. Whatever.. I left all my stupid fucking cd's at my other house last night. I have a strong urge to listen to the cure. BUT NOO. Ha,caps. Im bored so im probably going to end up re-doing the background + icon and stuff now.Ha what a loser. When im bored i go 'computer geeking' Woot woot for me. Ill write again later.

cannot stay here

ahhh...half day...half-ened [Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
@ 12:42pm ]
[ mood | dorky ]
[ music | nevermore -insignificant ]

Ehm...today was a half day...BUT,i didn't feel like dealing with my friend,not like it would be dealing with her,but we had to do a double project + i didn't finish my half,so im doing that now. Yesterday was bad. I went through all my computer files + deleted everything i didn't need,including alot of my history,like this site,i had the downloadable thing,but i deleted it because if my parents ever saw it,they would read this. That can't happen,for reasons that are seriously obvious. My dad told me he was going to take away my computer,which isn't cool. Yes,im a computer nerd. Well,not really since theres nothing else to do here. No one else does anything else,besides the 'jackasses' and 'skaters' who skate and play out shit from the show jackass. Then you have the 'Movie-goers' who are at the movies or mall 24/7. Then the 'at homers' who are always at home,not communicating with people,normally watching the shitty television shows that play on the local stations. 'the homeworkers' who do nothing but schoolwork. 'the music freaks' I consist mostly of this group,people who do nothing bu listen to music and 'computer shitheads' my friends and I mainly consist of this category. Theres nothing better to do,so why not? WHY NOT I ASK YOU?! This CD is truly addictive. nevermore,dead heart in a dead world. I have never gone so long without listening to AFI. Well,except at night because i always listen to them as im falling asleep. I went to the mall..on sunday? Yeah,sunday i think. Bought some shit,reason being i had money for a change. 5 cds. Woohoo. The cure,nevermore,The art of drowning,all hollows ep,and thirteenth step. Then went to this other store,got a necklace + a ring. I belive its a wiccan store. Thats what one of the cashiers told me,the other said it wasn't. Whatever,it was radical anyways. I should really get going on that project. I wish i were spanish then i could just be like 'yo motherfucker,i dont need this shit,biotch' and she would go 'totally,get your ass out my class' I took this perfumeishy stuff from mi madre,its a little roll onish thing,it smells....wow.sandalwood. =) I love it. Yes,thats right,biotch,im in love with the fucking perfume,deal with it. *snaps fingers in a way resembling a z* Yeah,i guess thats it for now,seeing as im bored,and tired,and have to do this stupid crap assed project.

cannot stay here

confusion [Monday, January 12th, 2004
@ 3:56pm ]
[ mood | angry ]
[ music | nevermore-dead heart in a dead world ]

Im confused. Seriously. Kind of like 'Christ on a cracker im confused as shit' I dont know if shit gets confused or not,but im realizing how light that first line sounded,even though i feel like complete shit. I think im moving into my dads house. Im not living with my mother anymore. I get a call just now,and im content and shit,just listening to nevermore (who are an awesome band and you should listen to them) when my sister comes in with the phone,so she goes something like 'Are you doing you homework?Well i hope you are because you realize that im taking away you stereo right?Until you can act like an adult' So i go to say goodbye. And she says'NO YOU DONT SAY GOODBYE TO MEEEEEE!*insert deep voice for me*' Im leaving there. I know i sound really dramatic here,but seriously,to be honest...music is all i am.Maybe i cant write it,maybe i cant sing it,i dont give a shit.But its what i am.Fucking asshole.Im sleeping here tonight,but she can go ahead + take my stereo,i still have my walkman.BITCH

cannot stay here

RENT YOU SHITFACE [Friday, January 9th, 2004
@ 7:02pm ]
Rent,yes thats right RENT is playing in NEW HAVEN. And i am going. Yes,i am going to see rent. You fuckhead. I have wanted to see that for so long,no matter how much of a loser it makes me=). Haha,its mine and Katies Official play.Anwyays,thats it.Just though i'd Fill you in.
cannot stay here

back again. [Friday, January 9th, 2004
@ 5:45pm ]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | afi this time imperfect ]

Anyways,i posted about that 'greatest site in the world' before,forgetting i had more to say. *everyone boo's 'duuhhh meg'* About the young rock rockers of america...here we gooo! Theres this one girl,whos acctually pretty cool.I became friends with her last year,before she was a punk rocker of america. Which i dont really consider her now.Shes into all those shit groups,simple plan + good charlotte,who are you could hear one song by each,not knowing the name of the song or band and assume they're from the same person,but shes cool. She dosn't piss me off,she likes a few good bands... im not too fond of korn,or slipknot or any of that 'hardcore metalish rock' as she refers to it as because i dont see it as hardcore,'nor metal,i see it as 'suck ass shit made by suck ass bands who have little to no talent at all,whos lyrics are offset by the fact they scream every word so you dont need to hear them' Anyways,shes best friends with the head punk rocker of america who i shall call for the sake of keeping her name private ellie. Now this ellie does not like me at all. Why? Here is a simple list of reasons.

*i dont hang out with her and the fellow proa
*i dont like gc,avril,simpleplan,slipknot,korn..the list goes on
*i own one wristband and its an afi one,hense me wearing one at all\
*i dont wear extremly baggy pants (sure mine arnt skin tight,but they also dont have 28 extra yards of fabric.)
*i like evanescence
*i dont write the word punx all over my binders + knuckles.(i do right stuff on my hands though,just not labels,if i considered myself a goth i would go around writing 'GoTh' all over the place,now huh?)
*i dont belive in god (now this is a big one for these children.theres one kid who we'll call bob,who isn't bad at all,but he's all about jesus,well not all about him but he's religious enough,i thought his head was going to explode when i told him at the moment i was religiously confused.)
*I don't listen to the music i listen to fit into a label (thats the biggest.Every time i see the word punx or punk writen on they're knuckles i feel the urge to scream that gc is not punk,they're pop with instruments,and that if they want real punk,they're going to have to travel out of their mainstream induced stupidity,and go back a few years to when there was punk.)

Considering ellie is the leader of the proa she hates me the most,next in line is bri. I dont know if the others hate me,one of them told me 'afi was cool' today in the hallway,i was wearing one my shirts,so hes cool now.Someone said something to me the other day,i was wearing a different shirt,the girl i was talking about earlier had a shirt on,and the bob kid is too oblivious besides anything other than his favorite bands to care.

Thats it about those asshats. I do not,wish to go back to my other house. Im sick of my mother being a motherfucking tyrant. I get bitched at for the stupidest reasons,and im sick of it.Im staying here tonight. I was thinking about something so much before and now i cant FUCKING remember what it was! (notice i put FUCKING in uppercase.Ha,you know you love it) Me and my friend had a conversation about cutting today.im not saying which friend either,because that would be mean and completely wrong of me considering i dont know if anyone else knows,and she damn well dosnt make it public. Neither do I,but here i have said it once. Turns out theres this who claims she cuts herself to be popular. Now ill tell you this girls name is jessi. Oh my,now the story my friend told me about this meathead is that she made a tiny with plastic scissors (kindergarden kids use 'em,they're all covered in plastic except for that little tinnny piece of metal blade that sticks out on either side.)At this point i was already smiling uncontrollably,by the time my friend said 'she told everyone she got rushed to yale hospital' i was near tears in laughter.

1.this girl would never cut herself,shes too concerned about her looks + image.
2.Yale hospital is for people who like..have cancer ..or cut open they're wrists,not made tiny baby scratch with kiddie scissors,sorry hun.
3.I am not at all stating that cutting is a good thing,its the opposite and i hate it.I cannot stand myself for doing it,and i despise it because to me it solves absolutly nothing,but when people do it for attention it pisses me off,because im not saying that people should ever cut themselves,but they'res people..who...are so desperate.Its still dosnt make it right,but at least they're not doing it for the honor of being sent to the hospital,jerk off. i belive thats it for now

cannot stay here

best website in the world [Friday, January 9th, 2004
@ 3:29pm ]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | nevermore - the sorrowed man, belive in nothing. ]

i have found it. The website that can make you fall off of you chair,with non-stop laughter. Some people might be offended,but seriously,hes got some good shit. As long as you dont get offended easily go here ..http://maddox.xmission.com/ its fucking great.Check it,biotch.

cannot stay here

ahh,young punk rockers unite! *sarcasam..* [Thursday, January 8th, 2004
@ 5:29pm ]
[ mood | amused/angered/cynical ]
[ music | a perfect circle-judith ]

im updating! yay for me. I woke up today at mi madre's house and me and my parents have been 'fighting' (I just don't talk to them 'cause mi madre only bitches at fucking everything and mi padre is a drug addict.(he can be okay when the smell of air fresheners + a covered over smell isnt killing me.)But i didnt feel like going to school,so my dad came to pick me up and my mom had to like throw me outta bed (ha) i always keep a bag packed,so i just grabbed it and left.Once i got back to this house (my dads,i make all my entries from this house) and he came up here yelling at me for going to school,he told me if i didn't he would talk away my computer. Okay,first let me explain that i have two 'truancies' or whatever. If i get 2 more,i belive..i get a probation officer or some other punishment like that.Which really isnt cool,but..ehh. So anyways i got ready,and like threw on this ugly teeshirt 'cause i didnt have a nice one.This one had tigers on it..ha irrelevant info (spelled that wrong) but i left on my pj pants because they were black + they're the most comfortable things in the word AND its not like i accumulated that much dirtiness in my own bed. It was second period when i got to school and my math class is an infestation of what i like to call 'young punk rockers of america' They write 'punx' on their knuckles and wear bracelets up to their elbows,and wear ties,and listen to avril + good charlotte and stuff like that...(no offence to people who wear bracelets and ties..i think they're rad,just not when these people wear them) so when i walk in i go like straight to my seat and i see one of these young punk rockers of america looking over me with a somewhat disgusted look on her face. Okay,my school is a strictly divided universe in itself.I defy these laws of division by hanging out with people who are not like myself.People who like rap. And god forbid it. I may not like rap,i may not like rap culture,or pop culture.But these people do,and i have known them since before any of this mattered and i am NOT going to lose friendships because some people can't take the fact that im not going to do that. Sometimes when you see me,i dont look like what i listen to. I like the shade black,most of my clothes are black,but i do have a few not black things,a few red things,and some grey shit. But because i dont wear tons and tons of bracelets and i dont like good charlotte and simple plan and whoever else,im..bad? Excuse me if i dont choose to live my life following whatever people tell me to do. I wont be brainwashed. so to the young punk rockers of america,fuck you for even thinking you deserve the word punk.fuck you. Im not saying i deserve the word punk,nor any other labeling word because i dont fit in specificly to any of these groups. but to you,the young punk rockers of america,wearing a tie dosnt make you a punk.And the ties dont look good on you anyways. Jade's pink tie kicks some ass though. I belive davey has a vinyl one,im not sure,i belive so.His is awsome too.But yours suck.Simply because you suck.I dont care if your tie has pink and black vinyl checkerboarding on it,(which would be fucking awsome) you still suck.Thats to you,the young punk rockers of america who inhabit my class,who im not sure are reading this considering you dont have my screename. And i dont have yours. Simply because i would be truly offended to ass a screename like 'X0pUnXrOCkXx0' or ...' g00dChARlOttE3874983' nah they arent real but theyre pretty close to the screenames they were talking about makingggg....ugh.damn these young punkrockers of america.Damn you!! *balls up fist and shakes it madly as face grows red*

(a little later...yeah i left the thing up without posting again)
now im pissed,im like that kind of 'calm look on your face but your stomach is churning because your really pissed and you just want to have an outburst of anger and rage on the nearest person by harpooning them,or beating them with a stick,or something of the sort' Know what really sucks though? Her. Its her fault,to be quite clear and most certainly honest. If she didn't bitch at me 24 fucking 7 MAYBE i wouldn't play to what she refers to as a 'game' One in which i AM NOT playing. Im not playing any games. I am being completely and totally truthful and honest. I am angry,and upset at her for even..thinking that its all my fault,maybe some of it is. Well some of it IS my fault for not explaining to her how i feel and all that bullshit but our conversation would be like

Me: Mom,im sorry i've been so mean latley.But you keep yelling at me for the most obscure reasons and its upsetting sometimes.Im not playing a game.
Mom: Yelling at you?! I have most certainly not been yelling at you for obscure reasons! you leave your clothes all over the place,and YOU turn your stero up too load,and then give me attitude when you cant turn it up again
Me: but i cant hear it
Mom:too bad. Go away im on the phone.

Our 'conversations' as she describes them normally end in a too bad or me slamming my door because what she said was utterly wrong and stupid.I hate to say this,but in some ways i belive im smarter than her. Im not saying that to be mean or cruel or conceeded. ANd im not smarter then her in the sense that i could pass more tests..and add faster and stuff,i think im a little smarter in other areas. Like culture in itself. My mom dosnt see people for who they are... My dads too stoned to care.. ugh.

cannot stay here

*cough* [Monday, January 5th, 2004
@ 2:07pm ]
I want to move. I really do. I want to pack EVERYTHING and just catch a plane..too..uhh...to california. Or somewhere else FAR fucking away! Well today i didnt go to school. I fell asleep. So my dad came ina while later and woke me the fuck up.I went back to sleep. Then dad comes in again at like 1;35 and woke me up again.So here i am. Awake.Which is a complete + total understatment,cause i was having a cool dream. I cant exactly remember it now,but i worked in a coffee shop...yeah.So thats about it for now....Byebye/
cannot stay here

quizzes [Sunday, January 4th, 2004
@ 3:19pm ]
Revolutionary Soul
Revolutionary Soul

The anarchists of the Earth Angel ranks, your
spiritual family like a stirring volcano is
constantly moving, forever changing, and you
unleash your power and force when least
expected, and all around you feel it coming. If
there was such a thing as an "awkward
teenager soul" it would be yours. The
revolutionary souls are the future of the
spiritual society as they refuse to be tied to
any category of soul. Your hunger for
knowledge is deep and you are constantly bored.
You live for your independence and float from
one dimension to the other, exploring all
philosophies and teaching, and applying them to
where you think they're relevant. Some percieve
you as arrogant and brash, but that is just the
upstart in you talking. Never one to yield to
tyranny and conformity, you laugh in the face
of authority figures and live a life of right
or wrong based on your gut feeling. You have a
natural contempt for all that's popular and
trendy, and think humans on the majority are
fools for their need to have how they should
think and feel dictated to them. You were most
likely the class rebel and got into trouble
quite a bit when young with your sarcastic
sense of humour and brutal comebacks. It was
your kind that gave birth to the Punk era, and
was behind the overthrowing of many a corrupted
and unjust leader throughout time. Use that
conviction and determination to inspire others,
and victory will surely be yours.


Which Earth Angel Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

orange aura
Your aura shines Orange!


What Color Is Your Aura?
brought to you by Quizilla

thats it 'cause my padre + mi hermana just got back from the mall + they bought me stuff.YAY.
cannot stay here

surveys coming out of your ear [Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
@ 5:30pm ]
[ mood | complacent ]
[ music | pencil sharpener ]

Ah,out of boredom (i am saying that quite alot latley) im taking surveysss...ahh,i belive theres 2. Maybe one. Depends.

~~~**WHO**~~~

*. Who are you? Meg
*. Who are the 5 people that have made you who you are today, and why? hmm..myself,katie,liz,allie,music
*. Who do you wish you had never met? *sudden hacking cough*
*. Who do you wish you could forget? I have absolutly no idea.
*. Who would you like to meet? ...AFI..even though they're not a single person...
*. Who do you want to see right now, out of anyone in the WORLD?! ..any of my friends.
*. Who is your crush? No one..oh dear.
*. Who is your favorite cousin? Spandan.....and Vrunda
*. Who made fun of you today, and why? Myself 'cause i tripped over my bag,and was like 'god damnit you fuck'
*. Who would you trust with your life, and why?...ermmm..michele,katie..allie.
*. Who is the kinkiest? ...*cough* i dont belive any of them are kinky.
*. Who is the most risky?katie
*. Who lives on the wild side? katie
*. Who is the most sheltered? None of my friends.
*. Who needs to be more sheltered?No one.Being sheltered sucks.
*. Who was sheltered perfectly? No one.
*. Who is afraid to take risks? ..well there are some risks most of my friends wont take. Myself + katie will take the most risks out of my friends though.
*. Who won't stop talking at sleepovers?All my friends talk.Always.
*. Who has a weird sleeping habit? Me i dont sleep alot.Insomnia.
*. Who has a weird habit that they do when they're awake (not including yourself!)? uh..dont know
*. Who thinks too much about the past? Myself
*. Who is the ditziest?No one,or we wouldnt be friends. I hate ditzy.
*. Who has the most patience? Michele
*. Who has the smallest patience (but isn't a midget doctor....lol think about that one)? Uh..not sure.
*. Who is your favorite male singer?Davey Havok
*. Who is your least favorite male singer?Too many to name.
*. Who is your favorite female singer?a few.
*. Who is your least favorite female singer?quite a few.
*. Who is your favorite all-girl band?I dont belive i have one.
*. Who is your least favorite all-girl band?uh...i cant remember any.Oh wait,the spice girls + lillix,i supposeee...
*. Who is your favorite all-guy band?AFI
*. Who is your least favorite all-guy band?quite a few.
*. Who is your favorite mixed-sexes band?a few
*. Who is your least favorite mixed-sexes band?dunno
*. Who is your favorite rapper?dont have one.
*. Who is your favorite country singer?No one
*. Who is your favorite rock and roll artist? *cough* Manyyy
*. Who is your favorite oldies band?uuhhh is queen oldie? i dont think so.Whatever.
*. Who is your favorite punk band? punkkk,not alot of real punk around these daysss,alot of older stufff.
*. Who is your favorite local band?The only local band i know of is 'outlet' theyre alright.
*. Who would you want to make you a mix CD?huh?
*. Who taught you how to tie your shoes?My cousin

~~~**WHAT**~~~

*. What is the best nickname that has ever been given to you?Uhh samara.
*. What is the worst nickname that has ever been given to you, and why? Meggy barbed wire.Heh.
*. What do you wish people would call you?whatever the fuck they want. I dont care really. I prefer 'meg' but whatever.
*. What is your goal for today?Absolutly nothing.
*. What is your goal for tomorrow? Dunno.
*. What is your goal for the next week?Dunno.
*. What...the next month? dunno
*. What...for school?i dont fucking know
*. What...for work?Get a job.Damn labor laws.
*. What...for the next year?not quite suureee
*. What are some improvements you would like to make for yourself (friends, grades, money issues, attitude..etc.)? My grades.I wouldnt mind some cashhh
*. What band do you really wish would become popular again and put out a new album?uh...dont know.
*. What time period would you like to have lived in?..not sure...i dont know 'cause the womans rights just came into play and everything,probably in like london..in the 18th or 19th century.
*. What do you think of eating disorders? Not cool.I belive someone to be doing that to themselves right now...

~~~**WHEN**~~~

*. When did you start to like yourself for *you*?Well,i like my morals + goals + who i am and stuff,so i've liked that part of me forever.
*. When did you start going through puberty? Haha.
*. When did you start having a job?Dont have one,tried to get one last summer,and the damn labor laws forbade it.
*. When did you learn that temper tantrums never help?Early on.
*. When do you want to hang out with me?..uh..kay.
*. When did we meet?Never did.
*. When is your birthday? 2.10
*. When are you going to go swimming next?..i really dont know.
*. When is the next time you'll drive a car? this summer im learning.
*. When was the last time you saw a concert? while ago.
*. When was the last time you saw your childhood best friend?shes still my bf.Havnt talked to her..for a few weeks though.
*. When was the last time you were in a hospital? a few years ago.
*. When was the last time you HAD a sleepover?...oh my,last may when i nearly burned down the house
*. When was the last time you WENT to a sleepover?few days ago
*. When was the last time you smiled? few minutes ago.
*. When was the last time you hugged someone?...dont know.
*. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?not for a while
*. When was the last time you kissed someone?uhh..while ago
*. When was the last time you had a McChicken? fucking grossssss.when i was..uhm..6.or 7.
*. When did you last shower?Last night,showering again after these though,

~~~**WHERE**~~~

*. Where and when and who with was your first kiss?when i was 5,i now call him 'little black kid'
*. Where were you born? bridgeport. Woohoo for excitment.
*. Where do you want to live as an adult? New York,California,or London.
*. Where do you want to go to college?I dont know.
*. Where do you see yourself in 3 years?In high school..*le sigh*
*. Where are my sunglasses?I dont know.
*. Where is Carmen Sandiego? you didnt say it right its 'where in the world is carmen san diego' duuhhh..
*. Where did you go to Elementary School?Eli whitney.Hahah.
*. Where did you go to middle school/junior high? Flood
*. Where did/do you go to high school? Not there yet
*. Where will you die? i dont know. I would like to die quietly though,listening to morningstar..Love that song.

~~~**WHY**~~~

*. Why did God make you?*le sigh* im not so sure about this god thing.
*. Why do you like yourself?...not sure.Ha.
*. Why do you sometimes not like yourself?i can be mean,and stubborn.
*. Why is your hair styled the way it is?I didnt want it so long,so i cut it,and dyed the ends,and got bangs,then hair dye faded.
*. Why do you dress like that?You dont know what i dress like..but..'cause i want to.
*. Why do you like your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?Dont have one.
*. Why did you decide to stop liking your last boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?I still dont have one.
*. Why are you friends with the people your friends with?They're good people.
*. Why do you like the internet/aim/aol/msn/email? 'tis simple.
*. Why does Jennifer Lopez like Ben Affleck?I dont give a shit.

~~~**HOW**~~~

*. How do you get from place to place, and why? Walk + have someone drive me.
*. How do you like your eggs?Non exsistant.
*. How do you know what's right and what's wrong?i dont normally care. I mean obviously i know its wrong to..scalp someone..but i dont like the pre determined right + wrong thing.
*. How often do you make your bed?my bed is 'lived in' It dosnt get made.
*. How often do you sleep in your bed? I have two beds. One of the two everyday.
*. How often do you go swim at katie's pool?I went in katies pool last year.
*. How often do you work a week? School,as little as possible.
*. How happy are you?Eh.
*. How sad are you? right now?I am in the middle. Not sad not happy.Content.
*. How deep are you?At times,very. Im not a very shallow person.Well..according to some people,maybe. But im not.
*. How shallow are you? Ha i just answered that =). Im not.
*. How "mushy" are you?Haha,not alot. At times.
*. How do you let someone know that you like them?Random ways.
*. How do you let someone know that you don't like them?Oh my. Thats very easy to figure out. Im a complete bitch.
*. How do you deal with problems?I normally dont,normally they just create inner turmoil,and then i write or something.
*. How much did you like this survey? it was kay.


yeah thats it.

cannot stay here

egg sandwhich,anyone? [Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
@ 3:12pm ]
[ mood | 'kay ]
[ music | foo fighters on fuse. ]

Eh,the title makes no sense. I dont like eggs. So..yeah. Heh.Cheez-its are fucking good. Okay theres this interview its likeeee nardwuar vs afi or something like that,i forget where i got it. Its fucking hysterical. Davey + Jade both look rad in it,and i love davey's hair. *clears throat* yeah. It always has to rebuffer itself though..or whatever,its annoying. I foudn my nightmare before christmas tape,thank god. =). Anyways. Ill write later.Dont know why i acctually started writing...ehh whatever.

cannot stay here

more stuff... [Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
@ 12:13am ]
im very proud of my 'the nightmare before christmas' wallpaper. I belive it came out damn good. I made patterns + stuff inside each individual letter. Goes to show you how fucking godamned bored i am. And nowww for more quizzes. 'Cause im borrreedd.

ski
You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.


Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
well,would ya look at thatt

What Irrational Number Are You?
You are π

Of all the irrational numbers, you are the most famous. You have many friends and fans. Like many people, non-Euclidean geometry makes you feel uncomfortable. You are involved in so many things that it seems like it would take two of you to make ends meet.

You are particularly close to the rational number 22/7. However, you and e have been called "remarkable."

Your lucky number is approximately 3.14159265

Shiny Lemur
Straif's Blog

*grunts*...i see..

ChickasouWolf/quizzes/Are%20You%20A%20Goddess%2C%20Demon%2C%20Angel%2C%20or%20Death%20Itself/"> Are You A Goddess, Demon, Angel, or Death Itself
brought to you by Quizilla
HA! damn right,watch it or ill kill you.

Yeahhh thats it.Im bored + kinda tired,but not tired enough to sleep. Well maybe,i dont know.I have alot of favoriiteeeess.Heh. Whatever,im outt
cannot stay here

THE PLAN [Friday, January 2nd, 2004
@ 9:47pm ]
I am hijacking a car and taking it down to georgia or fucking wherever to see AFI. At least if they dont get up here to the damn east coast! IM GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK. In other news,i am drinking a coca cola slurpee. Yay. Anyways,that is 'the plan' Consider yourself informed.
cannot stay here

[Friday, January 2nd, 2004
@ 7:17pm ]
[ mood | calm/sarcastic ]
[ music | afi - gng ]

Serious boredom going on here. Like,run into a wall singing the national anthem,holding a kiwi in your left hand,and a potato you named 'haysuse' in the other. Yes,its that bad. Know what i hate? how the people in my 'town' are...stupid? If that word even applies to the ranking of sheer stupidity these people can reach,in a single day. Its quite amazing. They should be featured on the discovery channel or something. I was watching maury today. that shows fucking hysterical. Todays wonderful episode was entitled 'im a teen...and i want a baby!' or something to that effect. All these pre-teen sluts come out in halter tops and scream 'whatevaaah' at the crowd,and tell how many times they have sex a day. I find it quite funny because 1. The mothers are all bitching at their kids when,they're the ones who most likley bought them the clothes,and let them listen to the music that would provoke such behaviour. Yeah im just kidding. I think they're all insane. Kids are cute,but i would probably kill myself with a straightening iron,or baseball bat,if i had one.The jerry springer show woke me up this morning. Now thats one show..that..wow. That show..is..not right. I'm not fond of it. I have a sense of humor (or so i think) but i don't want to see 659 pound people showing it off. No offence to the 659 pound people,as long as you keep your shirts down. I dont want to see it. Thanks a lot though. At the moment i could probably think of the perfect murder. I really could....Im..i dont know the word. I had this huge knot in my hair and i was like 'yo motherfucker' so i brushed the shit out of it. Know its all like..frizzled. Ha. Frizzled. That reminds me of mrs. frazzel from the magic school bus. Which reminds me of puff the magic dragon,which reminds me of elmo,which reminds me of q-tips. Dont ask why,i dont know. I seriously do not know. Know what i think should be prohibited? Putting things like 'i hate everyone' or 'im so sick of everyone' ,'i hate myself.' ,'im sick of life; in your profile / away message. 1. I dont give a shit and 2. if your on a mad search for attention or something,thats not the way to get it. Its just annoying,'cause half the stuff they put it about is like 'i broke up with my boyfriend. We've been going out for a week. I loved him' *sniffle. Jesus H christ,i dont care. Ha, i said jesus h christ. My dad says that. he said it today when i was watching tv on the kitchen counter. What was his middle name anyways? Like harold or something? Shouldn't jesus be pronouced hesus. 'Cause of that whole silent h sounding j like thing. What i just said makes no sense. Figure it out.

cannot stay here

beeping horns? [Friday, January 2nd, 2004
@ 12:46pm ]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | great dissapointment demo -afi ]

My sister got a motor scooter for christmas. I seriously want to take the motor scooter and ram it up her ass,i am so sick of hearing that damn mother fucking crap ass horn. Christ,i want to rip it off. There it goes again. Now her friend is riding it. Little kid named danny. Fucking annoyance. They always feel the urge to come up here and be like 'ehehehe were here to annnooyyyy youuuuu' *malicious smile* its...GR. Aaaanyways..Nothing much to say i suppose.I REALLY need to go to the mall.REEALLLY bad.Ah whatever.Farewell

cannot stay here

[Friday, January 2nd, 2004
@ 1:23am ]
[ mood | CRAZY ]
[ music | the darkness- i belive in a thing called love. Over and over and over and over and over and over. ]

Okay,so flashback to a few..weeks ago,maybe a month,and innocent little me is acctually watching the television and all the sudden this song comes on, 'the darkness - i belive in a thing called love' and im like 'yawn' but it gets stuck in my head,so im like' whatever ill download it.' So i do,and i never ended up listening to it. So then i hear it again at my aunts house. and it got stuck in my head for 3 days straight. So i come back to this house tonight,and listen to it,and i just keep listening to it,and by now,after like 4 times of listening to it straight through i know the words,SO NOW,im SINGING them with this guy and not just singing like BELTING THEM OUT. AND LAUGHING AT THE SAME TIME. And so i stop listening to it,content that i finally got it out of my head,so i begin listening to other songs,and going on websites. THEN i go on this livejournal community, and there it is under music '-the darkness i belive in a thing called love' I swear that song is a curse. Im going insane. I cant get it out of my head. I've even listened to like 'synesthesia' and it wont leave. Never ending goddamned mother fucking story. And this song that is causeing me so much pain,i like it! which kills me,'cause i need it out of my head! AYE. im goin' crazy me matey.

cannot stay here

New years + shit [Thursday, January 1st, 2004
@ 9:05pm ]
[ mood | jubilant (haha,jubilant is funny) ]
[ music | mi playlist ]

So...new years...yeah. Didn't do anything really. was too tired. I watched edward scissorhands twice 'cause they were doing this tim burton thing on fx for big fish. Cool. Listened to music.My mother dragged me out of my room a minute before the ball dropped. i dont find it all that exciting though. Eh,oh well. Im annoying myself right now 'cause i have that song by..the darkness(i think thats they're name) i belive in a thing called love,and i heard it a while ago and i was like 'woah' cause 'ya dont here alot of rock like that anymore. So i was listening to it..i dont like it..but..i dont know its just cool sounding,so i listen to it and now its stuck in my head. AND SHIT. i am the walrus by the beatles,i'm trieing to figure out the whole story about that one too. Supposedly it supposed to say like ...i dont know something about paul being a deadman or something,but i cant get it to play backwards.Ah oh well.We might have to put hooch (yes,my dogs name is hoochie) to sleep. Sad..but i think he wants it.Yeah thats it for this post

cannot stay here

more stuff [Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
@ 6:41pm ]
[ mood | ehh okay ]
[ music | my ears are ringing..ugh ]

Is it weird that a ring thats supposed to go on your middle finger can go on your thumb as well? ahh whatever. I really do need to go to the mall badly. 4 rings. Pitiful. Plus,i really do need a 'non shit' eyeliner. =\. I am on a hot icon + wallpaper making spree. I really should make a website,even just a shit one to put these on. 'cause i have quite a few,and i can never stop making them. I have to change my wallpaper like every few days to a week because i like them so much. Ha. Im so...bragginesh. My dogs really sick now. Its upsetting but not like....well i've had time to get used to the idea,as fucking sick as that sounds. He went to the vet tonight and they gave us more pills (he takes like 13 sets now) but he dosnt like them,and just wont take them,so the doctor gave us a syringe to give them to him. Im sorry but heres my opinion,if a dog,cat or any other animal has lived a good life,and taken all their pills before when they were sick.And is suddenly not taking them anymore,it means something to me. He dosnt want to take the pills,Now,im not going to be the one shoving the syringe down his fucking throat,but still,if he dosnt want to take them,and he dosnt want to live,and hes in so pain so bad..I know thats so wrong..and its not right 'cause i love that dog so much. But i dont want him hurting no more. It dosnt feel right to me. Well theres that. How does a place run out of hershey bars?! I would really like to know this.because hershey bars are like my 3rd or 4th god,and im like 'wow.Dude,crisis.' cause ive never seen a foodish like store w/o hershey bars. Maybe we've all gone to hell.

cannot stay here

random thoughts [Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
@ 11:35am ]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | mi playlist again (im sorry,i steal music..) ]

found more afi quotes last night. Yeah,i particularly enjoyed the one about naming your cat 'stupid cat get out of here' when i get a cat,thats its name.I can chew on sharp things without killing myself. Like..sewing needles. And safty pins. Everyone thinks im insane theyre like 'what the hell' and im like 'yo shut up' and theyre like 'kay' and then its all good.But none the less,they're still morons. Mints burn your throat when you swallow 'em whole. Yes,yes,i just swallowed a mint whole. Christ,sue me. Dude though it really burns. I burned my middle finger the other night on the stove making cookies. No,im not a cook.They were those ones where you peel 'em of one pan,throw em on another and bake 'em. I can make some damn good pancakes though.. And any other thing involving bisquik (totally didnt spell that right) i can make brownies too. And cookies. YES,I AM MEG..THE COOKING SENSATION! *clears throat* anyways..yeah.besides my throat burning me breath smells fresh now. =). Now i can be meg,the cooking sensation..with radic-ally awsome,abnormally excellant-ay smelling breath. Oh you know you love it. =) I need to repaint my nails...ugh i dont feeelll like it. I had to wash my hair yesterday in the sink. I hate doing that. Ugh,cause all the suds are like floating around in the sink and keep getting back into your hair after you rinse it. Damn sink *kicks it* yes,i have a damn good high kick, biotch.Thats about all for now. *ending credits zoom down screen.* i have always wanted to have my own ending credits..ha.

cannot stay here

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