Daemon Child Lyn's Blurty Entries [Updated Thoughts|Tolerable Peoples|Chronological Records]
Daemon Child Lyn

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Heylo? [16 Apr 2003|12:17pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I'm startin to think about my sense of grammar and sentance structure... I write differentlie and spell different ever since I became more active over AIM... I did that so I could type faster and keep up with the conversations... it even hinders my writin cause I started writin the same way as my typin... still I'm glad that most people can understand what I'm writin to them...

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Class time [16 Apr 2003|12:16pm]
[ mood | hungrie ]

I'm just catchin up on some entries here... so Ima go BS on some shit til I feel like I've had enough... OK I've had enough...

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I feel bad... [16 Apr 2003|12:05pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I bombed my last paper so I gotta start from skratch and it's due this friday... I have started on it by readin so much stuff to complie with what I may say on my paper... I had a drive last nite and I was confident about what I was doin... and then I dozed off... I dunno when but when I woke up again the clock was 4 in the mornish... I was like "FUCKIN SHIT" but it wasn't that bad considerin I had a lot written down before that long penmark that skquiggle on my notes... I went to my room and slept off from there...

I gotta keep workin on this paper... the teacher said that no matter what I do to this paper now... more likelie I can't get an F... so I gotta put a lot of work into it to make sure I can pull off a B or higher... there's no way I can do worst than B if I work on it...

I'm sleepie... so very sleepie... and hungrie... so much to do and after I finish this paper I gotta start on another as is it's the third paper due on 28/4... I have this and two more... then finals and then the short break before the summer 1 classes begin...

Aah~!!! Waffles!!! My bro took the last two waffles this mornin... my tummie rummblin like crazie... but I wanna save up my konpeitou so me and Cayari can eat them before I leave earlie and him off to church... I still wonder if that email he got was from someone in his church... no fear fer me... I'm all to Cayari and anyone who interfers shall be broken by both sides... I by breakin her knees and him by breakin her heart... any rival men shall by burned by my cold shoulder...

I love my Cayari... no one shall ever be his equal... except me ^_^V

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GeeZ~ [14 Apr 2003|08:59pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Look what time it is now... I got home about an hour ago and I'm just eatin my fud... simplie this is the first time I've eaten a meal all day... I wonder how Ryan is... he must've gone thru the same thing after that meetin he was at fer his communication/journalism thingie... we're both hungrie and tired... are we still gonna work out tomorrie? Meh... after this I'm gonna cook some pasta fer me bento lunch and then get back to typin up my hstorie notes... and do some physuX HW... then I'll read some more before goin to sleep...

So much work... stupid engrish paper... stupid me... ::sigh:: I can'r write an argument... but I'll try... at least this way I can't end up with an F...

If all else fails chikin and fettuccini is always the perfect pick me up... that and a relaxin massage from the beloved one... aah... he's so sweet... in more ways than one...

Oh yeah, I have no algebra class this friday... it's a review day fer the test the followin monday... I know what the shit is anyways and I alreadie finished the review packet and made a copie of it... that means I can hang out in the game room earlie in the morn... or sleep in another thirtie minutes... i think I'll sleep in the game room... hehe...

Did I go overboard again with Ryan today? A feelin came over me again... I felt weird... like I wanted to jump on him and and play with every part of his bodie til he broke into the emptie shell I saw him turn into... it was reallie great to see him like that though... and then he retaliated and broke me... oh god... I completelie shut down fer a minute there... the ear... what he does... ruined me...

I like my evil side... it's been a while since I brought her out... first time to play with the bodie of a man too... I can keep on givin because it's not so tirin and recievin... but Ryan's tired all the time so I have the better advantage over him...

I love the look on his face... everytime...

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anger and repression [13 Apr 2003|11:52pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I think someone out there hates me...

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Gun totin mood [13 Apr 2003|09:06pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Meh... ferget that I have too manie knives to play with and I don't know much about guns.. Shit... I fergot to type up those historie notes fer that girl...

So stressed out rite now... my brothers botherin me like crazie cause he wants me to pay attention to him eveytime I'm around... he just walks in and starts talkin about stuff to me and I get mad cause he doesn't specifie what he's talkin about and he gets mad because I can't understand what he's talkin about... at most times he just walksin on me workin and sits in my room... just sittin there and stares... THEN he talks to me... shit then I yell at him to get out cause I can't stand someone watchin me do stuff...

I know it's a siblin thing when one observes another to learn and grow but he's got the TV to look up to now... it suX that he does this tho... I can't have my peace or studie time whenever I'm home... even at work he'll just talk to me about TV stuff I haven't seen or ever heard of... I don't care about TV much anymore... I'd just watch some movies and listen to music... I hardlie ever play games anymore because I seemed to loose interest in them... but I still want to continue to play RPG games...

I haven't finished FFVII, FFVIII, FFIX, FFX or Kingdom Hearts... I need time or the mental freedom to lay them again... I'm the mood to break things now... but there's nothin expendible to break around here... maybe I can sneak out to the UH and play DDR... but it closes earlie... there's no big trees fer me to beat with my dowel... and I can't leave marks on the trees in my front yard... my parents will know and they'll ask me something I don't want to answer...

Life just keeps givin me more stuff to deal with... the gud and bad... yes yes I know that's what makes life interstin but also reallie stressful... but at least I have Ryan... we may have our problems but we can stand each other because we're both goin thru tough times in our own way at the same time... so reallie we can say "I understand what yer goin thru" and reallie mean it... interestin how our timins are...

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Skatin at the Galleria... [11 Apr 2003|11:58pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Drivin was fun... we talked and had fun... he gave me directions and I followed his words... when we got to Westhiemer Ryan told me about the shittie parkin at the mall... we were drivin around lookin fer a spot... I turned a corner and got luckie cuase this woman was just puttin stuff in her trunk... RYan told me to make my mark so some other asshole wouldn't cut in front of me... hehe... Ryan sure likes to kisu a lot... man... he's an affectionate person... at times he can be freakie but I love him in any persona he takes on...

Anyways... we had fun skatin... he thinks I'm not havin fun but reallie I was... it felt great to skate again... I used to take skatin lessons when I was little... I used to think my parents made me take them to keep me outta the house while everyone was at work... I learned a lot and fell down a lot... but I didn't stay long when my dad's brother came from VietNam... and my mom's brother from Philadelphia... came to live with us...

Anyways... after we the skatin trip we got something to eat and then played in the game room... Para Para Paradise is gettin set up so it'll be up and runnin by tomorrie... said the game guy... Ryan freaked out when he saw Dance Freaks... it saw so cute to watch him play that game... I was kinda turned on when he was jammin to tha game... geeZ... he was so cute ravin like that... that fortune cookie does speak the truth... "You love the thrill of showmanship and display" I wanted him to play agian and then leave so we can beat traffic... and then have some peace time before the play I needed to see tonite fer xtra credit...

Peace time with Ryan can easilie turn into a sexual situation sometimes... we'll talk and hug... then stuff happens and I find myself on top of him again kissin on his neck and hearin him make the slightest noises... he in retaliation tries to snap off my bra with a one hand technique he read about in those "worst case scenarios books"

Too much stuff has happened between us and it's kinda scarie how too close we are gettin when sexuallie aroused... but I wanna wait fer that part after I get married... I dont wanna take any risks... even when I follow safe sex procedures... I just don't want to ruin myself before then... he knows and respects that... but sometimes when we play around I may push him into such thoughts... and it's weird watchin him try to calm himself down after I turn him on like craze... it feels nice to have him grip me in such intense moments and feel the rush of his bodie... and being underhim pushin down on me... he needs to try some new stuff... those squee kises are gettin kinda stale and they don't have much an impact as before... the ear so far is my favourite... and its the easiest spot on Ryan to set him off...

Someday I'll wear a long dress fer him and him in an outfit back in the 1920's cause i like the vest and tails back then... it'll be fun to play around in olde fashion ways... two asians wantin to be european and not get traded fer slavery fer it... and to watch him get through my dress while in his formal clothins... him in a high collar under a vest and tight pants... a jacket with a long tail behind... something nice to see and play around...

I wonder how we'll see each other about 5 to 10 years from now... will we still be together or will we be our seperate ways? I wanna be with him...

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Wha [11 Apr 2003|12:37pm]
[ mood | still tired and hungrie ]

After what happened yesterday Cayari has gained an advantage over me... damnit... but I can turn him on just as easilie... just you wait... something's gonna happen...

I dunno, I just wanted to say something here since I read that "A Modest Proposal" short storie that was sittin in my backpack... too manie random thoughts flowin everywhere in my head... you say something and something else pops up in my head... WTF... class is over alreadie?! Damn... time sure flies when yer hungrie and tired and writin a lot while the teacher's lecturin... hmm... I sure failed my second paper but I have a chance to revise it in any way possible... plus I think I can whiZ thru the thrid paper since we're writin our own short stories... I can write a short storie no problem but I'm afraid that the contents of my storie may raise some eyebrows at me... and ask me what I'm interested in... killin brings pleasure to my eyes... some people deserve to die... sometimes it's fun to watch them fight fer survival... the thrill... the suspense... the death and destruction...

I miss my olde self in high skool... even the fact that I was alone fer so manie years... I wanna be so depressed again... it was a nice feelin to be alone... locked (barricaded) in my room and readin and writin and drawin and studyin into the ungodlie hours on end and then go to skool with heavie eyes and silence... I would freak out durin class (I loved those moments) and fall in my knees in the hallway(usuallie I was dragged to class or sent to the nurse's office if we didn't make it)... everynow and then I'd break down cryin and the class would continue as normal since they were used to it by then...

I wasn't on any drugs or medication yet people wonder why I was like that... it was the years of lack of sleep... I learned how to function on little sleep... but it's all worth it when I get to sleep in on a holiday or a free weekend...

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IHOP [10 Apr 2003|09:25pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | More Comedie Central... ]

Right after I left class today, Cayari suddenlie suggested that we go eat out because there was nothin else to do til Budo Club today... before we went I wanted to make a whish at the fountain since I didn't get to do it yesterday... one was fer everlastin and the other fer success... the fountain has a lot of sentimental value... and the best place to sit together just sittin there and talkin about stuff... I want to someday... maybe after I gradute or before I transfer... I'm gonna push Cayari into that fountain and jump in after him... that or shove cake in his face and eat some of it off... meh anyting to see his surprised face again... I love that expression in his eyes...

Guess what Cayari showed me today... a bunch of "useful stuff"... ok... I wonder sometime about him... about stuff like that... umm... yeah... sensei reallie is tryin to teach his student new stuff...

Where this close to acturallie doin something about our relationship... we can touch and we can play but... I wonder sometimes what goes on in his mind other than "whoa... "

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Fantasie [09 Apr 2003|11:32pm]
[ mood | sigh ]

Know what I want the most? A copie of Bubble Bobble... there's a cartridge fer GBA but findin a new one will be hard to find... I can afford one noe but I'm gonna wait til next week after I get paid so I still have monies fer the week... I counted and rolled the change from my tin box... the total adds up enough to buy the GBASP and Puzzle Pocket Fighter... damn... I have way too much change... then again I just accumulate my coins and count them later...

One day I want to go on a road trip with some friends... next year I should be able to go to A Kon in Dallas... but I wanna go snowboardin someday... Reuben's goin to Utah later this month to go visit Andy... I haven't seen him since november... he had familie conflicts so he went with a familie friend and disowned himself and moved to Utah... the land of the mormons...

Reuben is still my friend... though I feel sad fer him cause he's been goin emotionallie down hill since Xmas.. the girl he liked ended up havin a boyfriend... I think I said this before...

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I'm tired... [09 Apr 2003|11:20pm]
[ mood | tinglin sensation... ]
[ music | Dilbert recordin... ]

I don't feel like writin anything today... I got my paper back today and I'm reallie disappointed about what I did to the paper... it sucked... I don wanna talk about it any more...

I'm tired of writin... my comp crashed on me and I wanna draw some more stuff again... but my art looks funnie since I haven't done any art fer a while... meh... I like what's goin on between us in our relationship... though I still don't like the person I've become... I love bein evil but I didn't like the insane burnins I got when I was tryin to seduce Cayari... still... I loved every little bit of his reactions...

Know what I liked the most? The ear bit... that was intense... second most favourite was me holdin his warm bodie so close to mine... and skquishie sides fer me to tickle him when he has no way out...

"Where did you learn about the ear thing?"

"I used to play with yer ear with my fingers... you tingled a bit so I thought 'what the hell' and used my tongue... plus I saw it on Boston Public last year... "

I can't get the feelin outta my head... what Cayari did to me was a... nice feelin... huh... the littlest things can set me off... but HE has the super nerves... damn... oops... I shouldn't have said this...

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Dinner... [08 Apr 2003|08:57pm]
[ mood | mmm... ]
[ music | mom's cookin fud downstairs ]

There's nothin here but chikin... I'm not reallie complainin but there's not a lot of veggies in the fridge... we don't go fud shoppin much so the veggies are mostlie gone with two weeks... so all that's left is the meat... once a month we do the fud shoppin since we eat so late, there's always leftovers... at least we don't make those weird casseroles... blech... how can people just cook fuds like that...

I can cook... mostlie my own way since I'm still learnin... but most of the time they taste gud... when they not so saltie... it looks messie like Naru's cookin but the taste is surprisinlie... decent...

Chikin is easy to burn... I mean cook... just gotta watch it when yer boilin it though... gotta spoon out the blood every now and then... thursday after Budo Ima gonna make some chikin pasta soup... I got some corn left so I can add that in... hmm... ok then...

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WildSide [08 Apr 2003|08:31pm]
[ mood | OMGosh ]
[ music | South Park ]

I dunno what came over me when I was in the car with Cayari... he did something and I did something... I felt different when I did something and between us we've established big steps into our relationship... but it was fun to see the expression in his eyes when I was on top of him... never before have I enjoyed the look of surprise and slight fear... it felt gud to scare someone again...

But I still can't imagine Cayari as he was two years ago... it bothers me that someone like him was like that... though a small majoritie of my friends were intense ravers... always invitin me to come along, but I could never go since my parents always distrusted my friends...

I felt completelie in control, to my surprise, earlier today... I don't think I'd like this to go on any further... but I loved the rush and the reaction I got... I wanna do it again but I fear what may happen afterwards... of course I'm ok... but... I can't take the burnins reallie well... hehe... Cayari and his super nerves... that's great...

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Blah... [08 Apr 2003|12:02am]
[ mood | busie ]
[ music | PhysuX readin and HW ]

I can't do my HW... I keep thinkin back to that Go match on sunday... damn damn damn... what a stupid move... damn... oh well it was my first match... I miss Ryan... practiacllie I'm way over my head in love with him... before... I loved the idea that he is in love with me... and that I have someone to appeal emotion to... but now I've been thinkin about him constantlie... and yes the pain in my heart has been gone since I cried and he was there... but it feels like I've passed a point of no return... we've been thru a lot and it has nearlie been three months... no matter what I still think back to last semester when we were mere friends before the winter break... my gosh... so manie thoughts roamin in my head...

Time has been passin by so quicklie... exactlie last year, my familie was gettin our papers about the Japanese students who were comin that summer... review sessions fer the finals and gettin our graduation stuff readie... the race to make the top 2% of our class was crucial fer perfectionism and scholarship applications were on a deadline... high skool was hectic and life was finallie full of remorse and memories... last minute attempts to know our classmates before we will never see them again... takin pictures and signin shirts... throwin parties and sharin name cards... I couldn't believe that that was no more than a year ago...

It's been a half year since Yuka visited america and I just sent a letter to her after she sent a second letter to us... they were here fer one week instead of two because they had to get back to Nippon in time fer the beginnin of their fall semseter... and the day they left was my first day of college... I was scared and lost... luckilie the people I knew were in my historie class and eventuallie those people introduced me to more peole who are my friends now... and then I met Ryan...

I seem to be revertin back several time to our first meetin... I can't help it... it happened so quicklie... so suddenlie and surprises one after another... ack... too manie thoughts I wanna put on paper... childhood thoughts of a wasted life... post pubertie life and middle skool depression... high skool miseries... I gott get back to work...

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Anime DVDs [07 Apr 2003|12:02pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | engrish class printer ]

I keep fergettin to buy Kare Kano volume 03 and preorder the Saiyuki box set... I want them both... Ima ask George if he could sell my mangas on eBay... I wanna get rid of my olde Rayearth copies so I can get the new covers... maybe I'll start buyin the Sailor Moon mangas but I whish they republished it as 100% manga, the MixX version was so messed up... manie times they had the names wrong and the altered storieline in the beginnin never explains what happened later on... those books were printed too manie months apart so they don't reallie flow together... I have too manie books in my room... I need another shelf to set up on my wall... I actuallie want something off my floor... there's boxes and stacks of stuff everywhere on the floor of my room...

I hardlie studie in my room any more since my mom made me move my comp out into the game room... I liked havin my comp in my room... my own privacie and securitie that I can work by myself without the TV on to bother me... I'd have my music playin overhead so I can just look down on my desk and work...

I kinda wanted to have my cable line run down the hallway into my room and behind my bed... I want my room to be crammed to the max with my stuff... I want my room to be self-sufficient but I'll need a hotplate but that's what the kitchin is fer... I onlie go downstairs fer fud and when I need to go out...

I fell asleep in historie class today again... I'm still glas I have a recorder to cover my ass...

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Endless Insomnia [07 Apr 2003|02:14am]
[ mood | sleepie ]
[ music | Comedie Central ]

I can't sleep... TV does nothin fer me... been readin fer a long time.. I don't remember what I read fer physuX... this short storie fer engrish class is confusin... ::yawn, rubs eye::

Earlier I had a funnie conversation with Cayari... geeZ... I've become a completelie different person... this I still cannot believe... that was not me... like Arima... I never realized a side of me existed til I met him... I don't feel like typin so much... I'm tired but can't sleep a wink... I'm hungrie again... and all the snacks are gone... hmm... Kroger's closed now... damn I whished I had more ramen in the pantrie...

Monday is another Budo Club meetin and I dunno if I can be active fer that... meh I can sleep til the club starts... pillow time again... stupid algebra... I hate that Rommel bitch... too tired to shake my fist...

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Search Engine [04 Apr 2003|11:38pm]
[ mood | heylo ]
[ music | Fur Fighter: Viggo's RevenG ]

Guess what I just found out... if you go to Google.com and type in keyword 'mildcat' you'll see my page listed somehow on their results page... but the words listed underneath were texts from my page about a year ago... why doen't it change? First off, how did my page get listed? Kinda creeped out here... I just built but never advertised unless I wanted to show off to my friends...

::shudder:: There's people out there who pry into other people's lives... what do they want from us? I can get to Cayari's olde olde guestbook when I type in 'cayari' but that was to his olde site before he deleted them all... man... what happened to everyone back then? I missed out cause I was livin in galveston... hardlie ever any decent asians there...

::sigh:: asian pryde can be a shameful thing but it's a great feelin...

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WebPage [03 Apr 2003|10:40pm]
[ mood | sleepie... ]
[ music | math HW ]

Wow... I've alreadie used about 50% of my 15.0MB limit from geocities... mainlie because of the photos I'm puttin up... they take a lot of space... I may not even have enought o put up my drawins... or my stories and young comiX when ever I get around to them...

MildCat's World This became a personal page right after I took a long hiatus and gave up on makin an anime shrine... never did finish that Sailor Moon one either... this one will be around fer a while since I took the time to scan and draw all these photos and pictures...

My feet are still hurtin me... as soon as I got home and finished the yard work... I was lyin down on the couch when Cayari called me... aww... he's tired as hell... today was my first Budo Club day with Cayari... my god was I scared... it's been a little over 5 years since I've done any martial arts... and I felt weird surrounded by a bunch of guys... I have a low level of self conscious and esteem... image and reputation play apart to my actions... but once everythin gets more comfortable, it's no problem anymore...

Geez... I need to workout more... I got reallie soft over the years of absence and I fergot most of what I learned from VoViNam... basicallie I thought manie forms of martial arts are very similar, just the regions and and choice of weaponrie was what made the difference... I was very indifferent back then I regret it now... but it was cute to watch Cayari's reflection in the mirror... he looks funnie the other way ^_^V but I liked him in those red sweats... meh... he looks gud in anything... hehe...

He wouldn't let me see him shirtless when he was changin his shirt in the parkin lot... I think he kept checkin thru his tinted window to see if I was takin a sneak peek at him... I saw nothin... but kinda whished I did... :3 Oh well, maybe next time

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Yuka Ishiyama [02 Apr 2003|08:40pm]
[ mood | uh oh ]
[ music | damn ]

My familie recieved a second letter from Yuka, the japanese girl who stayed with us on the Sister Citie Program last summer (2002)... she and 14 other plus chaperones and officials were in Galveston fer onlie one week instead of two because they had to get back to Nippon in time fer skool... they day they left was my first day at UH... I had to drive from galveston at 6:00 cause I had historie at 9:00

Two months after Yuka went home we got a package from her... I haven't sent her one back yet cause at first i was busie... then I fergot... now this new letter makes me feel bad fer fergettin... I'll send her some pictures and a small notebook fer her with a bunch of letters... I need to find a gud box to put them in... hers was beautiful... and full of Saiyuki presents... what can I send her? I hate america but I want to give her some souvinirs... what can I give her and her familie?

Help me here... I don't want to be in her debt and anger list

I do have a picture of her somewhere and I'll soon put it up on my website

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Bad Talk [02 Apr 2003|12:03pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | earlie class dismissal today ]

Me and Cayari had a strange conversation over AIM last nite... he was mad over webCT and I made it worse... why do I always do that? thinkin about it fer a while... I have sorta opened up to him... he knows some things my parents don't know about me... I can't express my feelins verballie... never was gud at public speakin... my word choice confuses people and I can write better cause I have to the time to think it out...

The box of NERDS has a bunch of little critters all happie and smilin and enjoyin their short sweet lives... and then you eat them and enjoy the crunchiness of their former bodies... how cute that these are bein sold to children though... I'm eatin them now to keep me up after sleepin in historie class today... something's wrong with me... maybe bein depressed has drained a lot of my energie... I've been sleepin a lot and not doin much after midterms... my last exam is fer physuX is on 24/4... that is so late...

I may retake college algebra over the summer and maybe another psycologie class to suit me... that oughta be enough credits to come in as a sophomore next Fall... Lauren's comin to UH!!! Hooray!!! A decent high skool friend to hang with again... she's cool and we'll both be in the architecture department together... yay...

I don't wanna ruin anything between Cayari and me... but it's tough to be happie after what I went through... he tries hard to keep me sane... I try hard to stay sane... manie times I do stuff that'll leave marks as horrid reminders of my sad life... but not as sad any more... I don't want him to worrie about me... when we first met I was alreadie recoverin from a depression so all he saw was the happiness of me... he's indirectlie seen me depressed over the winter holidays and now he's experiencin it at full force what my life is when the lights burn out... I don't want him to be involved with my troubles... mainlie they're just personal problems that I believe that no one else understands... they have a slight idea but not the same... he can try to help... may even hit the spot since we have similar morals... but still I'd rather be left alone to think things out...

In the end I'd onlie want him there to be with me against all odds... him by my side is more meaninful to me than anything else in the world... right now I want him more than my familie... there is this idea that I believe in... I will not mention here... I have no priorities to stand by...

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