| Grrrr..... |
[12 Mar 2006|08:48am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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My email is sucking and won t open messages. I hate when it does that.
Also I have decided to have a little talk with Steph. Not an easy task but i m prepared for the worse since she isn t exactly known for taking things like that well. I m just tired of only ever being called when she needs something. I m not her mom and i chose not to have children for a reason. I wouldn t be up this early and i really shouldn t be but rick wouldn t stop snoring and i could still hear him all the way out here in the living room. So pretty much i m going to be exhausted for work. So we had my first team meeting yesterday not too bad he took notes while i was talking so that was interesting i hate when people do that. I always am 10x paranoid that they are going to say something bad. My team leader also asked if there was abseentism if i would pick up extra hours i kinda left it wishy washy so i should probably try and talk to him about that today and let him know that as long as i know in advance it shouldn t be a problem. Ok well nothing else really going on.
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| Type: Jealous |
[08 Nov 2005|03:55pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Camouflage-Third Eye Blind |
] |
Yes I was on worthless myspace again and even though I know its worthless I'm addicted. But Rick has these girls on his profile and it drives me up the wall he doesn't even talk to them or know them very well anymore but he keeps them on there. I just can't figure out the reason why you would have people like that on a friends list. I know that it shouldn't bug me but it does. Yes I know I'm crazy and I don't care.
Happier things are it is almost Christmas YAY!! This is all I want for Christmas: Money, Clothes, Ipod Nano and in that order. Books would be nice but then I would have to go find what ones I want and specify hard cover and all that jazz and then I still might wind up with something odd. I really pretty much have everything I want except you can always have more clothes which brings me to Weddings.
We are going to be so behind in Jan. with wedding stuff and we don't even have any idea at all about what we are doing and it is only like 11 more months. I have found some dresses I like but if we aren't going to do something big there is no reason for me to get a big fancy dress. I have found a couple that are beautiful even in white I would prefer to have color but in the knockoffs I might have to have white. There is no way I'm having my dad spend $600-1500 for a dress I'll more than likely only wear once and be worried about staining it the entire time. I rather have the money for something else to be honest. My parents are also giving us $1000 outright for the wedding no matter what we do. So far what I think our favorite idea is is us going somewhere and getting married there and then just coming back here and having a small party for people who wish to celebrate with us. By small I mean maybe 20 people. Of course we have to have pictures too but that doesn't have to be on the exact day we get married or anything it actually migh be cheaper for us to hire a photographer to take couple pictures of us without saying they were wedding pictures. Which reminds me that I don't believe I have had pictures done this year yet so I better get that done. I think Rick is going to take them this time.
My brother is a good kid (the only thing myspace is good for heheh Spying). I miss him. It's not like we were way close when we were home but now there is like a big canyon that I don't know how to get across to be close to him again. I'm hoping time will make it easier and it will all work out when he is older. I like never see my family and I miss them. I just want to spend time with them and it not be so hard but I don't think that will ever happen. I think we will always wind up living too far and we will always be busy.
I'm fucking bored. I only keep typing hoping something I need to do or want to do will come to me but there is really nothing to do. So I guess TTYL
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| YAY Quizzes |
[11 Sep 2005|11:19am] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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| Your Superhero Profile | 
Your Superhero Name is The Insect Elf
Your Superpower is Artificial Intelligence
Your Weakness is Chocolate
Your Weapon is Your Poison Armor
Your Mode of Transportation is Skateboard |
WHooo Hoo CHocolate.
| How You Are In Love | 
You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.
You tend to take more than give in relationships.
You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.
You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.
You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance. |
| Your Hidden Talent | 
You are both very knowledgeable and creative.
You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential.
Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them.
As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there. |
| Veggie Pizza | 
Upscale and trendy.
You're the most likely to go for a gourmet pizza.
You have impeccable taste in everything.
You truly enjoy the finer things in life. |
Damn right I'm expensive
| You Are 50% Weird | 
Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it! |
Sounds right
| You are Agonistic | 
You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care.
For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine.
You rather focus on what you can control - your own life.
And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you. |
OOOOOHHH they are soooo psychic...
| You Are Somewhat Machiavellian | 
You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to! |
| Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate | 
You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.
You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.
You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!
A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others. |
| What Your Underwear Says About You | 
You have a lucky pair of underwear. And you wear it more than you should.
You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone. |
I do not have a lucky a pair of underwear
Ok now to a real post. My wonderful fiancee has decided that everything is my fault for the last 2 days. I say something and he chews me out for 5 min. But I started it and him not shutting up and going on and on and on and on and on and on and on about whatever it is means that he is right and that everything I have to say about anything just doesn't matter because I'm ignorant and he is going to talk over me anyway. He think I want every god damn thing explained even when its not important or he already gave me an answer. Even when he does explain something though he tends to run on and on and on about to the point where you don't even really care anymore because you didn't care to begin with. I swear sometimes he just likes to hear his own voice. But I'm supposed to fucking listen and be all attentive even if I have no idea what he is talking about or don't even care at all. I'm not saying that we should only talk about things I'm interested in but if we are going to talk about something I have no idea about and don't care about could we maybe keep it under half an hour because its just annoying to have to sit there and not talk for half an hour when I get things explained that I could care less about. When I ask a question and you say you don't know thats enough for me. If I really wanna know I'll go find the answer myself but most the time I really don't care enough for any effort to be put into it. I'm fucking on my period and I'm reacting better to him then he is to anything I say and do. I have way thicker skin I guess. And really I'm too tired to fight so I just tell him to shut up and hope he goes in a different room and shuts up. I swear he is gunning for a fight because he wont let anything drop. Of course when he does go in another room he just mocks me and says things so I can't hear them. Which just then makes me want to punch things. I'm doing pretty good...I didn't punch the window, the wall, or him in the mouth last night when I was oh so wrong and said one thing then he made it all out of proportion and continued to go on about it. Anything I say just makes him madder so I rather just tell him to shut up which usually makes him mad but usually he does of course that is after all his little digs like how I'm ignorant for asking a question but not really caring. That makes you ignorant by the way so don't casually wonder anything because you are ignorant and on a sunday morning before you are dressed had a shower and have only been up for about an hour you better damn well be in a full on want a serious lesson on things mood. Fucking pisses me off and I refuse to fight. But I know this will be my fault anyway because I asked a question. But I can't just be me and just don't care nope I'm ignorant but I do have to understand everything he does and take it for what it is like explaining things for hours on end.... Yep so since I'm so ignorant I'm going to go off and do something like play bejewled because thats obviously all my small little mind can handle...
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| Sorry It keeps being so long.... |
[26 Aug 2005|11:10am] |
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I have been way busy with work and just random stuff. I went to bed last night with a major headache and lucky me when I woke up this morning I still have it. I'm also on the rag so I have all the stuff from that going on too. I was throwing up sick Monday and that way sucked ass. I just popped 2 midol but they don't seem to be doing anything. I found out this weekend that Rick's sister happens to know Claire as well just not as well lucky her but now she also knows how to link back to my journal, and I'm tired of making things friends only. I really don't care what people read I have some bad days sometimes and I think I'm entitled to bitch in my journal it is mine and a journal afterall. We saw them on we bought his mom a bunch of stuff at Lane Bryant now all I do is hope she actually will wear the clothes. I also have Real Woman dollars now that means I have to go back and spend more money. I'm also supposed to save for Prescott which I should email tata and tell her we are coming up there but I don't know which day. So far we have like no wedding plans done yet just the wedding rings picked out. Hmm I'm wondering if we should journal that. I'm such a online junkie. Finally got around to playing the Sim's 2 again I'm building a house. It is sorta difficult they need to make some things a bit easier cause right now they are way difficult. It has so many more options than the first sims but I really love expansions. Right now we are debating on if we want to try the Online Final Fantasy which I think could be fun but not fun all at the same time. Rick is going to start real estate school some time in the next 30 days. I think he is going to do really well at it and hopefully he will start making enough so I can way cut my hours cause I'm getting really burnt out and tired and thinking my life is boring. I'm trying to find more things that are out of the norm for me to go do. While we are on things out of the norm...The 40yr Old Virgin movie rocked...It was hilarious and it isn't even my kind of comedy. I still think Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is better but thats me. I absolutely love Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I think I love Tim Burton more and more everytime I see one of his movies. Which reminds me that we need to buy the Big Fish movie. Lots of reminding going on. Together as a couple we are doing all right. I'm not sure if we should go to counseling or if we are going to be ok on our own. We have had a couple of major fights where I have said some extremely mean things that fucked with Rick's mind. I'm sorry now but you know that doesn't heal everything just being sorry. We are doing better and not letting things get so out of hand but I think we are both really scared about having another one of those arguments because they can be relationship enders and I think if we have another one that may very well be it. Which is very scary for me because this would wind up being another set of blocked years which would mean that I can't remember alot of my life. I can remember some things that happened from the time I was 5 - 13 but I have more clear memories of when I was 4 than I do of that period. I can't remember the summer of 2002 either. I remember some things but I really don't want to sit and think about that time either. I'm kinda having a hard time right now with no friends too. I think I'm ready for another relationship like that but every time I start one I wind up being screwed. On a Brighter not we both got new Cellphones and my hair is purple again. Of course so are the towels, bathtub, and pillow cases too. Woo hoo Music from BMG will be coming to my house. I'm so excited I need a music update. I filled the cart way up with lots of music but I'm not going to be able to get it all. But I can whittle it down... I think...It's hard I really want all those albums but I don't know if I should spend all that money. Rick might split some of them with me but if he doesn't want to some of them are going to get the ax...I already deleted one. So I'm on a good start. Ok well I'm off to play the sims 2. Ciao!! P.S. Rick talked to his sister about the things that bother me with her and the things about me that bother her. So now that the air is cleared maybe we can get to know each other better. I think I was doing real well cause she could only think of 2 things that bugged her. So YAY me. I'm sure most people have a bucketful of things that bother them about me. But I figure that I'm just going to be I'm too old to care anymore.
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| Long time no See... |
[27 Jul 2005|09:37am] |
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Hey sorry so long for an update Ive been a little busy. The tubing wars are great and that is now what I spend 2 of my weekends a month doing. Whoo hoo only 4 more days of working and then I get 5 1/2 off. Next Wednesday Im going and getting my hair dyed so I also have new hair color. Yay Me!! I'll also be meeting Kris the same day but at least I will have pretty hair. Our apartment is really getting cleaned and organized thanks to all Rick's hard work on it. I cant wait only 6 more days and then Tommy (Abandoned Pools) is going to be here. The new EP is amazing I can't wait for the album in September. Which is also my half bday. I can't believe how fast this year is going by. But as they say Time flies when your having fun. And for the most part this year is going pretty good. We have had way less fights then we have ever had and I Think we are finally learning how to just let things go instead of picking at everything. Oh and we finally got the truck back so we have been driving everywhere imaginable. I can't wait until we can go out and see Brad and Lana again. I miss her alot but talking on the phone just isn't the same. Ok well I better go take a shower. TTYL.
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| Just be glad Im not your girlfriend... |
[31 May 2005|10:13am] |
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This is my new favorite comment currently working on a shirt for it. Have been working on a new shirt for my brother as well. Hating going to work. I hate it with a passion Im so tired all the time and I dont ever want to do anything and I still dont have any money from doing it. This weekend was fun we borrowed my aunts Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo (blinged out) and went up to Prescott. It was fun. But sucked cause I had no money. I did get to buy clothes though so now I have some new bottoms that actually fit me right now and should still fit ok after I finish losing weight. Well thats All for now. Ciao.
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| Due to unforseen... |
[26 Feb 2005|04:07pm] |
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events I may be a friends only journal. But Im going to see about that. If I had known that certain people were going to be uhh looking around(for lack of something better to say)for things then I would have done it a long while ago in order to avoid uncomfortable situations for some people. Its not that I dont think the things I do and if you have a problem with it bring it to me. And its not that Im a coward it just simply is that I do not wish to cause problems for some people and didnt think this would get around. But it did. So are the dangers are of the internet. Just so everyone knows I do not think that my fiance is a horrible person I just get mad and dramatic as all people who actually know me are aware. Also I am a highly observant person and have a wonderful sense of intuition and hearing. That and I have eyes to see when people are losing a ton of weight and there clothes are hanging off of them and which I can put 2 + 2 together and figure out why. So We may be going to friends only because I still need this to vent since Im not actually prone to productive conversations when Im mad or upset. This is all for now because I have to go shave all my hair off (except my head) so when Rick gets home I can fuck his brains out. TTFN!!
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| Guess What... |
[23 Feb 2005|06:44am] |
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mood |
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 thirsty |
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I get to spend my entire day in the dr again. And then after that I get to strain my eyes some more doing data entry so I dont have to do it tomorrow morning and night so Rick can turn it in on Fri. YAY me!! Im hoping though that I can knock the data entry out today. I turned in my formal resignation yesterday and since Dawn wasnt there I actually had to turn it in to Nipper. So that is more stuff to be excited about. Yep and now I get to go to the dr. Some more today bleh I hate the dr.
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| So here is how today went... |
[21 Feb 2005|07:07pm] |
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mood |
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 weird |
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I started the day out with a nice visit to the Dr. (gag me w/ a spoon please I would really prefer it) at which I was told that I have to go have a ultrasound and bloodwork done which means I have to take all of Wednesday off and use my sick time. After that I went to the eye Dr. and found out that I am really farsighted and that is why I always have headaches so I have to have glasses that I wear all the time. I have to get like 4x magnifier things or something so I spent my whole day in dr.'s offices to find out I have to go again. So yeah Ill have to wear glasses all the time kinda strange never thought that would happen to me. Also in the really weird world of Tory last night some Jackass kept calling us and being insulting to be exact "Hi, I is Tory there?" Me "This is she" Jackass "This is Turbo the family dog I was just calling to say Im glad you found Rick so I dont have to lick PB off your kooch." To which I remained silent and they turned away and sd to someone else she hung up. 5 minutes late another call that stays on the line with Rick, after that about 10 min later another call again on the line with Rick and last but not least another call that I actually pu and just remained silent and a girl sd hello like 3 times and hu and then no more calls. However I know it must be Tara and someone she knows, Im suspecting Claudia and Armando John. Tara is the only new person who has my phone # and is the only one who I havent been talking to lately and also the least mature out of everyone I could possibly know. So that has been the last 2 days. I will update again later when I find out everything from the dr. Ciao!!
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| So I was right... |
[19 Feb 2005|04:30pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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Today was a great day....We arent sitting in separate rooms not communicating no not that at all. Im not typing journal entries because we cant talk about things no nothing like that all. I didnt get chewed out all the way home from the training. No I wasn't called names or told to shut up while being yelled out. No nothing like that. But you know its my fault because I finally decided to tell him how I actually felt but nope that just means Im another unloving, backstabbing bitch in his life. I dont and never have meant that I love him. So on so forth no we are indeed having a great day, or instead of playing pool with my family Im sitting here in the living room freezing to death because someone did exactly what I sd they would instead of talking about things they went into the bedroom and are pouting because things arent go that way. GROW THE FUCK UP. BE A FUCKING ADULT PEOPLE WONT ALWAYS AGREE WITH YOU THAT DOESNT MEAN THEY DONT LOVE YOU. Just because thats the way your family runs doesnt mean thats they way its supposed to be or the way things actually are. So grow a fucking dick and be a man and actually talk about things instead of yelling at me and making me feel like shit the entire way home and telling me to shut up when I try to explain things.
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| Today is going to be great... |
[19 Feb 2005|09:35am] |
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mood |
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 irritated |
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Ive only been up 2 hours and him 1 and Ive already managed to make him pissy. Its like no matter what I say or do its just not good enough or not right or so on and so forth. Im getting sick of it. ITs so fucking hard to talk to him because every fucking time I say something he gets all butt hurt about and then refuses to talk about. So yeah I went and had my consultation last night and then almost got fucking sick. So I wound up snapping at the lady who is going to do my tattoo. Walter cant do it because he is booked solid that day but its more important I get it done that day and not another one. But thats alright cause when I get my faery done he can do that one. So yeah we havent made any plans for a wedding but I think we did decide on a date October 25th, 2006. Yeah its a long time away and we have to have a wedding inside now because it will be in the fall but I guess give and take. So I have that data entry class today as well and I get to decide if Im going to quit AmeriCredit and do this full time. I really like working at AmeriCredit but supposedly it puts doubt into our relationship on the other side because Im tired and stressed. Which of course we dont talk about because why talk about things and find a good solution for both when I can just quit my job and do something at home that may or may not work out for the long run. So I really dunno the whole thing bugs me that I was basically given the work at AmeriCredit or me ultimatum. Which my job isnt that important but Im still the one who has to be responsible for all my bills. And if I cant pay all of them even though Im the one who is sacrificing their money I would still have to help with the papers which as we all know really lead me to being unstressed and carefree. I just hope it works out because I think Im going to regret this decision. Because it means being back here everyday constantly together and I dont know how long Ill be able to handle that. That was the reason I got the job in the first place was because we were argueing all the time because we were always together. I just dont know this is a hard decision to make and I keep being told well its up to you. But really its not up to me at all because how could I be forced to choose and the choice still be up to me?? Oh and here is the kicker while Im still working at AmeriCredit I have to manage to do this job for 2 weeks as well. Isnt that all grand and exciting!! Oh more about the wedding he is insisting on having a best man. I dont think he realizes that just puts pressure on me to find people to be in my wedding party. I know no one to be in my wedding party I do not have a best friend of any sex I do not have any friends at all. All I have is a bunch of fucking users around me at any given moment. Oh yeah and I get to go weigh in today and I bet I havent lost a goddamn pound and instead have probably gained back what I lost. Im so fucking tired of everything. I hate feeling like this because it makes me want to eat. Which this morning I probably should because I havent yet so Im starving. But I wanted to weigh in before I ate anything all though that depends on if we ever get over there because we so enjoy doing things at the last minute. Like why do we need to leave at 10 how long do you want to be at your aunts although the truth is we probably wont even leave the house until 10 and then we have to go buy a bag for my aunts present and a card which requires time. Then we are usually there for about 30-45 minutes so now we are at about 11:15 plus he wants to show my mom some stuff online and I may need to come home and take a shower because of my asthma. And we have to be in bfe by 1 and I believe it is like an hour to an hour and a half drive. So yeah that makes us a little bit late now doesnt it. Anyway I better go eat some breakfast so Im in a somewhat good mood.
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| Have you ever tried to find... |
[16 Feb 2005|06:56am] |
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a low point non dairy breakfast? Its very hard I think Im going to be stuck eating tuna for breakfast because I cant find anything else to eat. So this weekend was good next time we go up there I think we will only stay for a day though beacause there is not much to do. I wish I could have taken that data entry job class sooner so I know what the hell Im going to do about AmeriCredit. I don't really want to leave my job there I really do enjoy it and all the people but I just cant keep working 40 hours a week. I dont get enough sleep or break time working that much and I just cant do it. Dawn (the boss lady) went and talked to Maria and Nipper(the bigger bosses) and they said that I couldnt go to part time because there wasnt a part time clerical position available which I dont understand because my position should only be part time it shouldnt be full time there is not enough work there for a full time position. I havent told anyone else that Im thinking about quitting. Which sucks because I want them to be ready when I do. I am going to try and finish out the month cause I think we can make goal which means a potential bonus which would be great. Just I know when I a job is stressing me because my sking starts breaking out and it has been. It was clearing up but now these last 2 weeks its been getting worse. So enough about my job. While we were away I bought 2 desks a frosted corner glass one for me and a dark wood one for Rick. They are cool I like them alot more then the other one. Now we just have to work on putting all the stuff in our apartment away or getting rid of it somehow. I have to go back to the dr. Monday Fun fun. My next week is chock full of appts. Friday I have my tattoo consultation, Monday I have the dr., and Wednesday I set myself up an eye appt. Im trying to use up all my benefits before I quit. Hopefully I wont need to go to the dr. again for awhile. But who knows...Ok well even though Im exhausted and just want Rick to call in and tell them I quit and am never coming back I have to finish getting ready for work. :'(
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| Have you ever tried to find... |
[16 Feb 2005|06:56am] |
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a low point non dairy breakfast? Its very hard I think Im going to be stuck eating tuna for breakfast because I cant find anything else to eat. So this weekend was good next time we go up there I think we will only stay for a day though beacause there is not much to do. I wish I could have taken that data entry job class sooner so I know what the hell Im going to do about AmeriCredit. I don't really want to leave my job there I really do enjoy it and all the people but I just cant keep working 40 hours a week. I dont get enough sleep or break time working that much and I just cant do it. Dawn (the boss lady) went and talked to Maria and Nipper(the bigger bosses) and they said that I couldnt go to part time because there wasnt a part time clerical position available which I dont understand because my position should only be part time it shouldnt be full time there is not enough work there for a full time position. I havent told anyone else that Im thinking about quitting. Which sucks because I want them to be ready when I do. I am going to try and finish out the month cause I think we can make goal which means a potential bonus which would be great. Just I know when I a job is stressing me because my sking starts breaking out and it has been. It was clearing up but now these last 2 weeks its been getting worse. So enough about my job. While we were away I bought 2 desks a frosted corner glass one for me and a dark wood one for Rick. They are cool I like them alot more then the other one. Now we just have to work on putting all the stuff in our apartment away or getting rid of it somehow. I have to go back to the dr. Monday Fun fun. My next week is chock full of appts. Friday I have my tattoo consultation, Monday I have the dr., and Wednesday I set myself up an eye appt. Im trying to use up all my benefits before I quit. Hopefully I wont need to go to the dr. again for awhile. But who knows...Ok well even though Im exhausted and just want Rick to call in and tell them I quit and am never coming back I have to finish getting ready for work. :'(
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| Guess What... |
[15 Feb 2005|07:04am] |
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Im getting married. That and I have to go make my lunch now. This weekend was fun. Maybe another update later.
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| Tattoos YAY |
[09 Feb 2005|07:23pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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Im have the consultation for my tattoo set up for 9:30 pm on Friday the 18th!! YAY ME!! I also have an appt to go check my eyes on the 23rd. : ( Yeah and the stupid big wig president is going to come to our work tomorrow so we all have to dress up and shit. I still want to quit but cant because I wont make enough money to pay all my bills. This diet is going pretty well too. Well Im off cause The Simple Life is going to come on soon and we all know how amusing that shit is. Ciao!
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| Sims Supertar |
[06 Feb 2005|06:36am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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Just a random heading. So Im having health issues again. My period decided that like 10 days last week wasnt enough and it wanted to start again. This time though it actually is giving me cramps and hurting. Oh and you may bewondering what Im doing up this early on a Sunday and its because Ive been waking up every hour on the hour and then not being able to go back to sleep because of Ricks snoring. I can fucking hear him all the way in the bathroom. Im exhausted all I want is some more sleep but instead Im going to kinda try and plan our diet and grocery list so that way we have everything we need to stay on weight watchers. My Aunt gave us like $60 in gift certificates for Bashas which we never shop at so I think we are going to go there and get things like ziploc containers and measuring cups because those add up quick and we do need them. God my stomach really hurts and Im so tired. I just want to sit here and cry but that wouldnt solve anything so Im off to see if I can plan a reasonable diet for us. Ciao!!
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| Is there... |
[04 Feb 2005|07:28pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
] |
Some magical point in life where suddenly you are good enough for everyone? Or Some point when you actually just stopping. I dont feel like Im good enough for anyone. Im not what Rick wants me to be, I dont do the things he wants me to do, I dont weigh what my mom wants me to, I dont live life how my dad wants me to, I dont work as much as my aunt thinks I should, I dont what to do the things at work my boss wants me too...and the list goes on. Im so tired of not being anything anyone wants me to be. Cant just one person just accept me and not expect or want anything. Im so sick and tired of life. Im tired of always being the one to share, the one to ask things to take an interest, the one who gets told I dont open up because of how youll react, the one who gets snapped at but hell to anyone else whoever does, the one who is suppossed to be perfect. Im just tired of it all. I just want to go lock myself in a room filled with books and no people. Im sure I would be fine. What are people but disappointments anyway? I try not to expect things but I just cant help it and I live a rather disappointed life. Usually Im fine and then things like this where pretty much I realize I have failed and will never be who people think I will be or do the things people want me to be when I realize hell why dont I just let everyone know how much they disgust me as well. But whatever...At least I dont snap and run. Ive stopped doing that. Now Im just the one who sits in the other room in tears without anyone trying to fix anything because hell if I dont do it why should anyone else. You know the whole tit for tat concept. Im out this is just soo so I dont know but I feel like hitting something.
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| Pink is a wonderful color.... |
[03 Feb 2005|07:03am] |
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mood |
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I am wearing pink today. Too bad my hair doesnt match. Im going to lunch with my mother and Aunt today. Since it is my half day. So Im wearing my pink and black bad kitty shirt with my new pink cami under it with my charm bracelet and Willy Wonka glasses I stole from my brother. I really do need to buy more glasses but when we went down to tucson They were more expensive then they are down here and they werent really better quality. So today I taped Ricks Card to the front door. Its getting hard to think of places to put them. Maybe tomorrow Ill put it with the Tuna Fish. That would be funny oooh I thought of another Idea I think Ill have my mom help me with it. YAY me for being creative. Ok well my eye is really itching and that sucks. Even though pink is a great color pink EYE is no fun. I better run and put on shoes and shit so I can go to work for like 4 hours. I think they should just pay me the 4 hours and let me have the day off. Dont you think?? Ciao!!
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| Yesterday was fun... |
[31 Jan 2005|07:13am] |
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mood |
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blah |
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We went to Tucson and the mall there I bought a new pair of Vans they are black with lavenday accents I also saw 2 new star dresses at Torrid that I must have but will wind up not getting. I got a mood ring on my way back that Rick bought for me it is suprisingly accurate. I havent managed to stay on this eating plan that Im supposed to be on at all but I havent really been feeling that well so that is part of it. The other part is we dont have enough of it to stay on it for 2 weeks the lettuce is only enough for 2 more days and I only had it for 2days. Im so tired of my job to I want to quit and do something part time. I dont know how much longer Im going to be able to stay there and do what I do. It almost makes me cry in the morning knowing that I have to go. I mean I love the money and stuff but its getting between me and Rick because Im so tired and upset when I get home. And its not his fault you know but he is the one who is here. But Im really starting to hate it. I keep saying well at least I like the people I work with...And I do but Im tired of going. In March or April I can actually start using the vacation time I have accrued so I think Ill just use it to take alot of 3 or 4 day weekends to help me recuperate which might help. Cause going back Saturday after only having Friday off helped alot. So Im just kinda waiting cause I havent been there that long and I really do like the money. I do want to go to school though and I cant do that and work full time but maybe Ill actually start putting money back instead of buying lots of clothes and then be able to pay things off and have money for school and start going and then just go part time working either at Americredit or at somewhere else although frankly it would probably have to be Americredit because even part time I wouldnt be able to make much less because of my bills. Most of my bills are bills that I can just pay off and make them go away they are actually just regular living bills. Also if I went part time I would have like no spending money and shit so thats you know great. So I dont know what Im going to do but now I need to go find something for breakfast cause Im broke and have to eat at home. Ciao!
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| So I... |
[18 Jan 2005|02:26pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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Came home sick today because for the last 2 days Ive been feeling dizzy at around 11 am. Think the problem is because I dont eat enough. So I got off and we went to lunch and I thought we would have a nice afternoon. I thought wrong we have now been home for 20 mins with Rick being in the bedroom. All because I saw the words flowers and chocolates. And of course It was automatically said well if I knew you were going to jump on the computer right when we got through the door I would have put it away. Because yeah when upset go ahead and blame someone else after throwing a big major fit and throwing things every which way. So I found out something so what you can be disappointed but you dont have to throw a major fit. Damn. Things dont always go my way and I dont go tearing around the house slamming doors so hard I cant get back out of them and throwing things, Then stomping off and pouting after yelling its not your fault slamming the door and locking yourself in for god knows how long. Shit yeah now I really feel like its not my fault. So yeah and Why I was going to the computer was I wanted to 411 the # of the guy who called with that job offer. Cause really I hadnt thought about being online at all. I thought that maybe we could watch the other movie we had but whatever you are in the bedroom and Im out here.
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