[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Monday, October 25th, 2004|
Not too bad a weekend was had by yours truly, even though I achieved sweet fuck all it was just nice to have some chill-out time for a change.
I had Friday off, so I went to the doctor, did a work-out at the gym, and then spent the rest of the day bumming around on the computer and getting drunk by myself.
On Saturday I mowed the lawns, got sunburnt, played some guitar, watched a couple of movies in the evening and generally just lazed about.
Yeasterday was our 6th wedding anniversary so we had Sandy`s parents over for a lunch time BBQ, and then her sister, brother in law and our 2 nieces came over in the afternoon. It was quite a good day. I spent most of it drinking beer in the hot sun and playing soccer with my nieces. So in all it was the most spectacularly exciting weekend, just lazy & rather pleasant.
Next weekend looks like being my kind of weekend. Friday night we`re going to see the Brewster Brothers (ex the Angels) play at the Criterion in Castlemaine, and then Sunday afternoon it`ll be back to the Criterion to see Ash Grunwald play his awsome brand of kick ass accoustic blues.
Anyway got a couple of our to chill out before I go to the gym and sweat out some of the toxins I absorbed over the weekend, then it`s (YUCK!!!) work. Current Mood: calmCurrent Music: Jimi Hendrix
|Friday, October 22nd, 2004|
Ok! My week was pretty typical. I was spaced out, drunk & freaked.
On Wednesday I got a call to say that I had an interview at Bendigo Brick. It was a labouring job, but the pay would have been better than what I`m getting, there`d be no weekends to work, and they would have kept me busy which is something that can`t be said for my present job. So anyway I went to the gym Thursday morning, did myself a huge work-out, I`m feelin` good, feelin` confident, and then I see the brick yard and panic took over. I never even went to the interview. I felt sick in the stomach, headachy and sweaty, which means that I`m not ready for the change just yet. I hated myself for not going in, it was cowardly, but it was just proof that my brain, my nerves and my confidence are still fucked up to the max.
After the aborted interview Sandy took me out to lunch at the vegie cafe. We talked about getting my head straight, buying into a business of our own, all the good shit that I needed to hear, I`m just hoping that something happens soon `cause right now I`m totally fucked.
I went to the Doctors again today. Nothing new to say about that. Just biding our time till I can get in for some cognitive therapy, which I need a whole lot more than the drugs and the kind words. All I know is I`m sick to fucking death of going no-where. Current Mood: crappyCurrent Music: Stevie Ray Vaughan
|Tuesday, October 19th, 2004|
|People! Ya Gotta Hate `Em
Only a short week this one, but already I`ve had a guts-full. Nola`s back at work, and it`s all coming back to me what a rude, loud, in your face kind of person she is. It`s only the second day I`ve had to work with her since I`ve been back, and already I want to smash her smarmy fucking face in with a bloody great rock.
So much for the lay off booze. I lasted Monday and then I was so fucking pissed off I needed alcohol to mellow out. In all it`s been a cunt of a day. Sandy was her snotty self this morning, so that really fucked my mood. I spent an hour or so looking for ideas to start a small business, had a wank, went to the gym, did the shopping, drank piss & fumed. How`s that for a day? Fucked up or what? Current Mood: angryCurrent Music: The Celibate Rifles
|Monday, October 18th, 2004|
The weekend turned out to be quite a bit better than I had expected. On Saturday Sandy & I took a walk along the beach near Noble Park after we checked into our Hotel. It was pretty fucking cold but the walk did wonders to cheer up my mood. After the walk we too a cruise out to Frankston for a quick look around.
For dinner I wanted to go to a pub, or even a nice cafe so we could sit down, chat and chill out before we had to go to the party, but Noble Park & Springvale are toilets for good eating. Instead we ended up eating Kentucky Fried Chicken in our room, which left me feeling bloated & Blagh!
The party itself was ok. Got to catch up with Libby & Rochene after about 6 years which was good, thier hoping to catch up with us before Christmas, which would be good, but I`m not overly hopeful. We`ve made such promises before. I guess all people and I`m blaming myself more than anyone are lazy at keeping in touch. I also caught up with Brian which was also good, and Dad which wasn`t so good. So I didn`t drink too much, tried to be social. I give myself 8/10 for effort. Not real bad considering the mood I`ve been in of late.
Once back at the motel I had a coffee, atempted to make love to Sandy, which resulted in a brief ugly tryst that left me feeling cold, angry & undesired & fell into a deep sleep that was punctuated with really fucked up dreams.
Sunday morning we did breakfast at Southbank, went to the national gallery for awhile, and then caught up with Kaye & Brett for lunch, well it was supposed to be for lunch but the dick-wits took our order and forgot to cook our food, so it was about 3.00pm we had lunch, which wasn`t very nice and the service sucked ass big time.
By the time we got home I was absolutely fucked! I didn`t get to play any guitar, just flopped on the couch and fell asleep. So that was the weekend. Now it`s back to the real world. I got gym in a couple of hours, work & then a guitar lesson. At least I`m only working a 4 day week this week. I`m also going to try and lay off the boozing until at least the weekend. I`m giving myself an absolute flogging in the gym everyday and not getting the results I want. Thats because I get pissed off, start drinking, and of course beer is packed with a terrifying amount of kilojoules. So I`ll try to be good & sober & try to release my aggressions & frustrations in the gym. Current Mood: frustratedCurrent Music: Fuck `Em If They Can`t Take A Joke - The Dictators
|Friday, October 15th, 2004|
|Shit Shit Fuckity Shit
Thank god it`s friday as that godawful piece of disco pap went. My week at work was a total waste of life. I hate the people and despise the work. It`s so fucking boring and the people I have to endure are nothing but nasty little vermin.
The gym this week has been good. I`m getting results, if only I could lay off the piss, but then that`s only going to come about when I actually have a life. Sober is dead boring unless the life your living is one of such bliss that alcoholism becomes a bore. I ain`t reached that stage by a long shot.
Sandy`s sick!! Got home tonight & fell into bed. Means that Kevin`s engagement party tommorrow night should be good. If Sandy is still sick & grumpy and I`m pissed out of my brain & pissed off, then that`s going to make one hell of a volatile combination.
So tonight is spent lonely bored & miserable as usual. Just downloading music, pissing up on Vic Bitter and sprouting shit in my diaries. Current Mood: pissed offCurrent Music: Beautiful Obscene - Diana Anaid
|Wednesday, October 13th, 2004|
|today was hot! boring & kinda fucked up
1st the good stuff! Had our 1st really hot day for the year. It was so good sitting outside last night enjoying a BBQ dinner, with a cold beer and a good book, even if the mosquitoes gulped down about a quarter of my total blood supply. I got a little wasted last night and fell asleep on the couch after wathing DVD`s of Eric Bibb & Deep Purple. In all it was a good lazy night.
As for work today? Well, yeah, it was the same old fucked up shit. I despise it, and I`m dreading the thought of going back full-time. I`ve got to get myself a new job pronto. The panic is really kicking in. No way can I handle going back to that shit-hole 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.
I downloaded e-donkey last night, and so far I have to say that it shits all over Kazaa. It`s faster, and a whole lot more reliable. I downloaded 3 Green Day songs and 1 by Kid Rock.
Sandy and I have been going to the gym at 7.00am this week, which suits me just fine. I feel much better getting my work-out out of the way nice & early. It really does set me up & enable me to endure the shit storm ahead.
So my afternoon has been a drunken hazy, lazy kind a day. Current Mood: drainedCurrent Music: Elmore James & Howlin` Wolf
|Tuesday, October 12th, 2004|
Another ho hum kind of day. It`s stinking hot right now, just how I love it.
So work is shitting me, still. I wish I`d had the courage to say no to the job, but how could I? Sandy works so hard and then I get offered my job back at Country Fucking Design yet again. I would have found something else, I know I would. So now I`m stuck back doing what bores me stupid and leaves me feeling small & futile.
Yesterday all the family went out for dinner at the Windemere. I only had to stick around for an hour or so, it was guitar lesson night, thank god. I hate doing the sociable family thing. I just sit there bored, nothing to say and wait for the clock to tick over to home time.
Guitar lesson was good, still trying to master the solo. I`m fucked if I can count out the beats in a bar while playing the notes of a solo, I`m struggling so bad with it all. The skill involved is akin to rubbing your belly and patting your head at the same time. Far from impossible, but requires one to practice like a mother fucker. Current Mood: lethargicCurrent Music: The Blind Boys Of Alabama
|Thursday, October 7th, 2004|
|Rainy Day Blues
This is magnificent! I woke up this morning to the brewing of a thunder storm, I just love a good storm. Everything is looking so green for the first time in years.
My Mood today is the best it`s been all week. It helps that when I was shaving this morning I could see how much muscle definition I`m gaining from the gym reflecting back from the mirror. I`m not looking too shabby at all for a sad old bastard.
The fact that I only have two more very short days to the weekend, and that I have no boss to agravate me on Friday is also doing wonders for my mood. It`s been so deathly quiet at work lately, and there is nothing worse than trying to look busy when there`s fuck all to do.
So, in a little while it`s off to the gym, then to work for four hours, then I`ll settle in to play some guitar for awhile as I roast up some marinated chicken for tonights dinner. Current Mood: bouncyCurrent Music: cheap trick
I`m loving this! Woke up this morning to a brewing storm. I love a good storm! Outside it`s dark and brooding with rain lashing down on the tin roof of my house. Everything here is so green for the first time in years, it`s all so bloody marvelous. I hope it pisses down all day.
Some more of the same old routine ahead, although I`m feeling much better than I have all week. Only two more short days to the weekend! Yea hah!
The gym has been doing wonders for my physique. I was totally impressed while shaving this morning to see this muscular shirtless body staring back at at me from the mirror. Even had my rough head attached to said body.
So In a little while I`m of to the gym again, followed by (Blagh!) work, but only for 4 hours, which should pass relativley quickly. Then I`m going to cook up a marinated roast chicken for dinner.
I finished reading the book ``Long Way Till You Drop`` last night, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Must be the rain, but I`m actually feeling good today. Lets hope nothing comes along to fuck it up for me. Current Mood: contentCurrent Music: Green Day
|Wednesday, October 6th, 2004|
Not very much happening in my life right now, and I`m totally fucking sick of it. There is no more a sickening feeling than having one dull day blur into another.
It`s not that anything bad is happening, it`s just that nothing at all seems to be happening. Work is boring and dead quiet, Sandy`s tense and stressed out all the time, and my medication is leaving me totally fucked by early evening, so I`m of bugger all use to myself or anyone else by 9.00pm or so.
My day revolves around doing a little writing, going to the gym, playing my guitars and going to work, interspred with Doctors appointments and grocery shopping.
I really do need an adrenalin rush of some kind. Current Mood: boredCurrent Music: John Lee Hooker
|Tuesday, October 5th, 2004|
Everything is boring me lately. It pisses me off no end that I can`t seem to find anything that can capture my imagination enough to keep me still for more than an hour or so. My work has always bored me, so no surprise that I`m far from content in that area, but stuff that I usually like such as fucking, working out, playing my guitar are all having a hard time keeping my attention.
Maybe I need some new stimulation, or maybe it`s my medication. Fucked if I know! It`s just that ever since I got back to work I`ve had this niggly empty feeling inside of me. It feels like I`m trapped, like this is as good as it`s going to get for me, a life-time of mediocrity. I`m sure that further on down the track something will come along to blow me away and give my life some purpose, but right now I`m sick to death of searching and waiting. Current Mood: blahCurrent Music: Let It Bleed - The Rolling Stones
|Monday, October 4th, 2004|
my 1st entry
I`ve been looking around for awhile for a new diary set up. I came accross this sight in a search and it looked pretty good to me. I`m hoping that I can meet lots of cool new people, share my life and have some fun.
In my next entry I`ll write a bit about myself, and where my head is at the moment. Right now I`ve gotta get my ass to the gym and then get to work, which is a pisser.