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Wednesday, September 15th, 2010
8:02 am
Fuck you school . You are draining my life
who am I kidding , I need ya to succeed
so it ain't so bad

current music: Near to you - a fine frenzy

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Monday, August 30th, 2010
10:55 am - Xx
working a double.

saweeetttt 15 hours ;/

current mood: cranky

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Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
12:04 pm - yeahbaby
" You may not be her first, her last, or her only. she loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She`s not perfect - you aren`t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don`t hurt her, don`t change her, don`t analyze and don`t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she`s not there. " - Bob Marley

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Monday, August 23rd, 2010
1:30 pm - family...
Why does my family love me so much more than i love them ?
I can live 100% without my mom and dad . my grandparents on my fathers side probably not much.
gramps is my rock. grams well i love her shes so helpless.

but the grudge i have against mom and dad is huge and i dont know why.
Im my mothers prize. pops couldnt care less. Hes never been a huge part of my life anyways
unless its me asking for money which he forks over fast to keep me from engaging conversation.
And i can never win with my dad . He is nuts.
My parents are young . They had me when they were 16 .
Dad is a tall, jacked portuguese hot head. His temper is minimal restraint. Not cival at all.
It comes in handy to scaring boys i want to stay away. On the nagtive side, the girls dont run away as fast or at all.
Mom is a hippy . My freedom is beyond the skies. She babys me more than a newborn. Gives me what i want even though im such a bitch to her. I guess you could relate our relationship to Tracy and her mother, from the movie thirteen if you have ever seen it. We were ok once upon a time but i changed, and i keep pushing her away and shes not going anywhere but can i keep feeling this resent towards someone my whole life? Is it even healthy?

Daddy, you need to die.
Mom, you need to chill. and visit me 2x a year instead of everymorning.

current mood: bitchy
current music: Lake bodom

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Tuesday, August 10th, 2010
4:45 pm - ..
I've given my life and all it's components (aka social physical mental etc..) away to my work . Stupid bar!

current mood: bouncy
current music: Something off pats stupid iPod :/

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Saturday, August 7th, 2010
8:35 pm - barf.
Tamra contreras; bartender- spanish 23 year old that looks 12. She is always so happy. I cant understand how someone can be so happy about everything. She laughs when shes furious. Ill never understand since I have had to
seek help to be happy since i was in the 6th grade. I think the really beyond happy ones put up some sort of a front.

They dont want people to know what they are really thinking because if they showed their true ratical emotions they would be a typical human in this world. Or are they just original ? They belong in the angels walking on earth category in society. But if i am right their 100% 24/7 happiness is just a front they put on can they really be original at all ? If you lie to be different does it still make you original in a way ? or just phony .

Regardless i dont trust her happiness. Shes fake in a way that i can see. Her and Marta have been bestfriends ever since grade school and when martas not around, Tamras opinion about her becomes dark. Funny really.
When i had a bestfriend that i know for ten years until she fucked me over RECENTLY , i know for a fact that when we were the bestest friends ever i never ever once talked bad about her to someone else.

PHONY PHONY PHONY you are little tamra.


- Last night me and my friend popped mdma at a party. Im still fucked today. Its been 24 hours and i still dont feel normal. i dont know what the fuck that shit was but it was intense. Great time. Minus barfing into someones nachos they were munching on. baaaahaha

current mood: drained
current music: stone sour- wicked game

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Wednesday, August 4th, 2010
7:06 pm - Work
This place is getting to me . It's getting bad . Sure there is drama in every work force no matter where you go . But this place, you wouldn't believe the constant battle it is to come in everyday and pay attention to the person you think your talking to and watching what you yourself discuss at work . Me, I think I have decided to take a viow of silence . No more friendships no more work+life, no more confiding in these hollow low lives. I hate how long it took me to realize how really sick and twisted these people are. They are more disturbed than i am .. Wow!

Marta;Bartender- tall lanky polish 24 year old. She was the one I got close with fast. Shes pretty.. Well one of her faces is and there are many . There's the white face that has a monster being fed via nostril aka she loves drugs especially cocaine. Me well I like joints and booze but nothing hard.. Anymore. Some people learn that drugs do nothing for you besides die a bit quicker and empty your earnings . Some people never will. Jeckle by day and Hyde by night. Perfect Nick name

More characters to come .
iPhone isn't practical for blogging

xo

current mood: annoyed
current music: Again we rise - lamb of god

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Monday, August 2nd, 2010
8:51 pm - lovestory.
Not exactly the love story quite yet, but one day i hope to write a long one about us baby.
I think about it all the time still. The first days .. and even now, everyday is like the first. Still the mutant butterflies that make me want to fall on my knees everytime i see you, kiss you, hold you etcetc.

I heard about you for a year before i even met you or realized which one of hacheys friends you were. It started at coolcats on a winter night i remember looking at your teardrop tattoo and being a bit scared. Its my favourite tattoo you have now. I asked her about you and honestly thought thank god im not involved with him kind of idea. I heard you were fucked up but it makes such a difference when you just hear people talk as apposed to finding out for yourself. because your perfect babe.

Day one: Me and hachey brought pizza for us and the boys at stephens. Of course i got hawiian because its my fave . Little did i know you hate hawiian most of all. You kept feeding me your pineapple because u noticed i liked them and i was sitting next to you. after we ate i sat on the couch and noticed you played guitar <3 . Never thought i could be so attracted to someone so much it was the weirdest thing ever. Ive never felt like that in my whole life. I didnt think i could feel for someone. I thought i was stone cold but you melted me in two seconds.
When you sat beside me i almost shit my pants. I didnt know how to talk to you or touch you so i kind of picked on you. We were watching intervention and i made fun of you for having no wheels. like you had any idea what "wheels" were. but it was adorable.

Hachey gave me your number that night. Couldnt bring myself to text you i was nervous. ME nervous about a boy? who the fuck were you <3

Day two: (L) I arrived to stephens and sat beside you right away. All of a sudden i feel your hand on my leg and my stomach went through my body. I had the perfect opportunity to text you. Not to mention i couldnt talk because i was high as a kite and i cant talk when im not sober apparently haha.
" Are you trying to make my stomach fall out of my ass" - January 18 6:00pm
first txt ever and how lame am i to have every single one of our texts that i know when our first one was.
We talked a bit until you told me you had to leave soon. It kind of upset me but w.e i would not show i was dissapointed the least bit.
Right before you left i was looking down at my phone texting and the second i look up and saw that look on your face you still do today. Eyes hald shut mouth open and SMACK kisses me. I locked it pretty tight i surprised you, but at that second i fell inlove with you. I dont care if it only took two days i said in my head i dont care who he is, what baggage he has, what hes done, if he is twisted and sick in his head- i fucking love him and he will be my boyfriend.

& that was that.
i love you babe. first boy i ever really loved.
you melted the stone cold bitch who destoryed any boy that came her way and fucked with them worse than a guy could ever fuck with a girl. you have really changed me and im so thankful because i was a witch, i wasnt a good person to people who looked for love and now you have turned me around and even if we dont end up together in 30/40 years, you would still be the love of my life, and you will have made me better from showing me how much i could love and be loved.

current mood: tired
current music: crimson and clover

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Sunday, August 1st, 2010
12:04 pm - Mybabe
It drives me crazy how melo you are about everything. I know you love me I really do you always assure me and show me everyday but I'm so wild, out there crazy inlove with you and I'm always showing you constant estatic feelings . But you, just chilll out so differently it makes me insane that were so different towards eachother. I think I'm always over reacting about this and you know very well I think about us this way and it upsets you because u don't mean it and I know u don't do it on purpose it's how you are about everything .

I don't know..

current mood: blah
current music: Out of touch

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Saturday, July 31st, 2010
9:54 am - New To Do
- snake bites (only right side lip to pierce)

- half sleeve

- cut my hair and not pussy out as the hairdresser is about to snip

- school shit ( buy boooks and supplies )

-dye hair

- check into yoga for me and richard & japanese classes

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