booring night, long time since updates   
10:35pm 24/03/2004
  xk1lLXy0urseLfx: i got a nice mac (sony) monitor from brookdale
xk1lLXy0urseLfx: its been next to the garbage can for 2 weeks now
xk1lLXy0urseLfx: mine
Trend W H 0 R 3: steel me something kinkie, like a strait g:F, or maybe some mature friends. or some honey covered hookers
xk1lLXy0urseLfx: LMFAO!

yes, thouse of you who are friends with me should know by now, i hate tv i hardly watch it. But, my friend brian from about 7pm to 5 am is comedy centeral. this is all i need to keep me going sometimes. just hte dumbest little comments make me lighten up inside.

So yea, im stil single. I been tryin to find more new friends n stuff online with the aid of thedilly. Yes, new friends are fun. ehhh im bored now i dunno what else to update. brittany is tryin to get me to go up north to see her, i have no money, its charlies bday friday! i gotta go make him happy at least, but hten im gonna miss the fuckin traffic, oh and sal wants to go with me. why i have no idea. i think im either gonna go hang out with the WT TR kids, or go up to rutgers and see my new friends there... cuz thats just something i should do, on my own, anthony needs some anthony and subbie time...

     Read 1 - Post
11:30am 23/02/2004
mood: confused
music: Iris - Loose In wanting
gold heart
Heart of Gold

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

so yea, i have a heart of gold. its a good thing, and a bad thing i guess.
random quizzies   
01:38am 17/02/2004
mood: full
music: Goo Goo Dolls - Long Way down
Reincarnation: You are nice enough to go to heaven,
but Earth won't be as fun without you. So you
shall come back as someone or something else.
As a real optimist and lighthearted person, you
always see the good in things. People probably
respect you for your wonderful personality and
love for life. People like you make the world a
happier place (please rate my quiz)

**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

i always end up with the most interesting quiz results

in my eyes i see you as mysterious and strange alot
of people wish they could know you better and
you are probably an artist? i really wish there
were more people like you out there..i really
do. (rate?)

in my eyes you are...(pics and different outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

You came from heaven. Beauty and kindness are two
of your strong points. You always think of
other's before yourself. Your radient
personality effects others around you. People
want to be you, but you seem to be to modest
and shy to realize the truth. You try not to
sin, but people force you to. Think twice about
the people you hang out with and take the right
path in life. A poem that best describes you is
"Path less traveled by" be Robert
Frost. Keep up your shining personality and the
love of heaven shall return.

Where did you come from when you were born?
brought to you by Quizilla

yea, so i like takin freaking quizzes lol
12:17am 11/02/2004
mood: accomplished
music: Nightwish - FantasMic
You are compelety different from what any of us
could ever be. There is nothing to discribe
what path you have chosen, but you are nothing
like an angel or a human. Hope for the best...

What Different Kind of Angel are you...? ( Anime-ish pics )
brought to you by Quizilla

once again, i am awesome and different thanks to another god damned quiz i have found. So yea working at the gamers planet is great. I love the enviroment. Im on CARPET not CONCRETE! Its more layed back, I feel more relaxed and complete when i get home. Today was FUCKING BEAUTIFUL outside. 50 degrees. I cleaned out the subbie. cleaned up some wires in it did some shit. Now im buying the new rear speakers for it. Then im buying the 4 channel amp so the momos can go in there no problem.

So yea things have been looking good. the house in florida is done. we close on it prolly the 15th of march their saying now. So ill be down there around that time with my truck. I miss all my friends down there. I can't wait to see everyone again.

so much fun   
11:05am 08/02/2004
mood: happy
music: Some cradle of filth song me and chris were listening to
Sooo friday turned out to be great. All my friends who I really wanted to come, came. I got a buncha kewl goodies. We played halo on xbox, box vs box. That was great. Then we sat and talked n stuff. Me charlie and adam all played starcraft together. Everyone got along good. Then everyone went home, Brittany and Chris stayed over my house. Chris stayed in my room with me, on the floor. I love spending time with him, he makes me feel so happy, and I think he feels the same way. Hes a good friend i love em.

So the next day my mom got us all up at 8:30, cuz britts parents picked her up at 9:30. As soon as chris got up he was glued to xbox, he loves playing halo. At like 11, i drove him home and i just hung out with him at his house for a while. fixed his computer, watched him play video games. I didn't wanna let him go when i had to leave, but we'll get time together again. I wanna bring him down to play at the game center more often.

And that was my happy weekend.

birthday shit   
12:26pm 06/02/2004
mood: anxious
music: Styx - Im OK
so, yesterday was my birthday. Kinda boring. I got my truck back on monday all fixed. Brought it in for the alignment yesterday, and they gave me more shit told me the work was shit. But it was all good, my dad checked it out. I just have to get my shocks on now. I did nothing much yesterday, danny was supposed to come over, but he wasn't able to. Later that night andrew came over for dinner. We played some video games then he had to go home so I could do my hw and be ready for school. I didn't goto bed till like 1:30 but i got up and wasn't late for moring class(for once). So now here I am, sitting in the brookdale library, talking on this SHITTY computer. I am hopeing tonights festivities go all good. For thouse who were invited to the dinner at my house, be there at 6, and be ready for good eats. Everyone else were meeting up at the gamers planet at 8, and we will stay till 12. If there is anyone who didn't hear about this and would like to go, call my cell. Or be at the gamers planet ( at 8 for the fun shit. And thats all for now. Later!
i am amazing   
11:22pm 24/01/2004
mood: anxious
music: Nightwish - Lappi, parts 1,2,3,4
You are a PHOENIX in your soul and your
wings make a statement. Huge and born of flame,
they burn with light and power and rebirth.
Ashes fall from your wingtips. You are an
amazingly strong person. You survive, even
flourish in adversity and hardship. A firm
believer in the phrase, 'Whatever doesn't kill
you only makes you stronger,' you rarely fear
failure. You know that any mistake you make
will teach you more about yourself and allow
you to 'rise from the ashes' as a still greater
being. Because of this, you rarely make the
same mistake twice, and are not among the most
forgiving people. You're extremely powerful and
wise, and are capable of fierce pride, passion,
and anger. Perhaps you're this way because you
were forced to survive a rough childhood. Or
maybe you just have a strong grasp on reality
and know that life is tough and the world is
cruel, and it takes strength and independence
to survive it. And independence is your
strongest point - you may care for others, and
even depend on them...but when it comes right
down to it, the only one you need is yourself.
Thus you trust your own intuition, and rely on
a mind almost as brilliant as the fire of your
wings to guide you.You are eternal and because
you have a strong sense of who and what you
are, no one can control your heart or mind, or
even really influence your thinking. A symbol
of rebirth and renewal, you tend to be a very
spiritual person with a serious mind - never
acting immature and harboring a superior
disgust of those who do. Likewise, humanity's
stupidity and tendency to want others to solve
their problems for them frustrates you
endlessly. Though you can be stubborn,
outspoken, and haughty, I admire you greatly.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

There it is folks, Im pritty cool cuz the quiz said so lol. Yea this past week has really showed these facts in me. I have had a really shitty week and this to end it off is a big help for me. As of tuesday the Subbie is outta commision cuz its "unsafe to drive" they wouldn't do the front end work on it at the shop cuz i have rusted holes in my lower crossmembers big enuff to put hands thru. So thats getting taken care of monday. Its gonna cost me at least 1000 to have done... blah! I r the poor again. I have to drive my grandpas UGLY buick wannabe suv thing around. Its so annoying and new and computerized, I hate it. I want my S-10 back. I wish i would have kept it for backup:( I loved that little truck.

When i found out I couldn't drive my truck home i was uber depressed. Like i haven't been that sad in years. And to make it worse my mom was siding with my grandpa and telling me i should get a new truck and junk my baby. IM NOT JUNKING THAT THING. It made me cry, i felt like i was loosing my best friend. But now my dads friend is gonn help me out so im happy.

Yesterday i went up to britts house to FINALLY fix her computer. which is good no more driving up there and being bothered about it not working. I was supposed to see mike when i went up there but he wasn't allowed out which sucked. Oh well. It started snowing on the way home. That was fun i love snow!

And yea, thats the basis of my week. I don't wanna get into the whole thing cuz im happy now and I DON'T WANNT KNOW. I WANT MY SUBBIE BACK!

evil with good intentions   
06:00pm 08/01/2004
mood: bored
music: VNV Nation - Genesis
yea thats my new saying. I do some evil things, Im a good boy I mean no harm, would never wanna hurt anyone. But I am what is good, and what is evil, I have the ability for both sides. I tend to stay on the good side but if I had to be evil i can.

Don't get blood splatters on you when you shoot
your victim. Your methods are a bit uncouth but
your finesse and sense of style is impeccable.
With a bit of guidance you could live among us
in the world of vampires.

How would you Murder?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fun quizzie I took from Chris's Journal. He had something in there where he wanted everyone to put in their definition of a Vampire. Chris is really into vampires, apparently he "is" one. And according to the true definition of one, I am as well. Cool, I never knew that lol. But the shoe fits so I might as well wear it. Being grounded sucks, I should have a countdown but thats prolly gonna make it go longer. Fun, i get to sit in my room and listen to music all weekend, and next week cuz i only work like 2 days. So im off for now, later

IM NOT EMO, but my life sucked this weekend   
11:06am 05/01/2004
mood: stressed
music: cKy - Escape From Hellview
not emo
hey, tough stuff!

Are you EMO???
brought to you by Quizilla

see bytches, im not emo, goddamnit. But yea, this weekend sucked im now grounded for a month, basically till my birthday. Friday night me and chris were supposed to hang out, but his mommie wouldn't let him cuz she dunno me yet, understandable. So instead of bringing him home n stuff, I decided to hang out with Renee and chris and pete and laura. We all went driving around jackson with her video camera recording our adventure. We drove on them roads that go under the high tension lines that they bring electricity into the towns. That was fun, till we hit this like, row of jumps for quads, then my truck just like went, boom boom up and down and like crazy. then it stopped. EVERYTHING was everywhere. So then we got out of that, and then we went down a few other roads, went to top gun paintball by six flags, that sucked, at least we got a donut out of it.

Then on the way back to Renees house, I decided to drive down a street for a new developement, bad idea. The hard ground soon turned into soft soft sand, we were then stuck. We got the truck to move a little, and then it got stuck again. This time we weren't gonna get it to move. So the next day Renees dad found one of their neighbors had a front end loader, and he was gonna be able to get me right out. Turns out my mom knew the people too from our church. They got my truck out, and it costed me $100 bux. All my christmas money, down the drain.... Now the truck has weird problems, steering went stoopid, idles funny. So I have to take it and get it fixed.... this sucks. All my money gone in just a week. So now im grounded, can't do shit. Great way to spend my winter break.

Thats it for now about how much my life is fucked up. Later

i want to date a bisexual, i want to date a dyke! i want to date a bisexual i can't decide which sex   
12:25am 02/01/2004
mood: excited
music: MSI - Whack!
i like

lol greatest parody ever. If you search up Bob Rivers - Bisexual, ull find a funny song. im so excited cuz chris is comming over tomorrow. I have to say, I really like him alot as a friend, i guess i can say hes a true friend. He accepts my kindness and is respectfull of it. I like that. Im only going to try my best to be as good of a friend I can be for my friends. I appricate you all greatly, and any loving you can give back to me, would make me feel really good. It makes me feel great when I know I have done something nice for someone, but for them to return that niceness is even greater. For all of you who have been there to listen to me, hang out with me, go places with me. I thank you, and I promise I will always be there for you when you need me.

You're all very special to me, each and every one of you, and you, and you to. Im out, goodnight

shit on a stick   
01:23pm 31/12/2003
mood: crappy
music: Guano Apes - Kumba Yo!
jees friggin christmas, i can never get a break. Im all happy n shit that chris is comming this weekend, but this weekend is also the end of me being able to drive for a long time. Im like all depressed about it now. So what happend you say? I got a speeding ticket for doing 69 in a 55mph zone. god damned asshole cops. $94 and 2 lucious points on my license. Great. Now im going to be off my parents insurance, which means in order for me to drive i have to be on my own, which their NOT going to pay for me like they have been, and neither is Kmart. So i still have my nice little job at least, i can get to it, its next to my house. But i don't make quite enough money to support my bills. So i have to find a new freaking job now. Not happening. I see no change in jobs for me for a long time, it was hard enough for me to get a freaking job.

why do i feel like such a failure.... ill never be happy, ever. anytime i get happy something comes and drags me down and i feel so miserable. I have no idea what the fuck im gonna do right now im so lost.

03:31pm 28/12/2003
mood: energetic
music: Sneaker Pimps - 6 Underground
i forgot to add, that last one was for francine, because she rox and umm THERES A FREAKING UPDATE FOR YOU!
     Read 1 - Post
im full of good morals!   
03:17pm 28/12/2003
mood: calm
music: VNV Nation - Frika!
Justice and Morality: You believe in doing what is
right for others and maybe even for yourself.
People would consider you one with good morals,
and someone who would not let them down.

Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best? (You may find out your best trait)
brought to you by Quizilla

Eddie had that in his journal, so i did it. not that im into chinese and japanese stuffs, but its cool. I like things that rate myself, makes me feel better. So ya its been a while since i updated this thing. Im out of school till the 21st, and im just getting over my christmas sickness. Christmas sucked this year, there was NO spirit, it was terrible. But I have made some cool new friends lately and i hope everything goes well with them. New friends for the new year, yay! So i got my mp3 player thing, so i have all my music wherever the hell i go. Its nice, get outta the car, put headphones on and its still there. And my dad fixed the heet in the subbie, so no more cold anthony!

Yea so im bored, work at 4, blah! I need a new job, anyone knows of anything, let me know. I hate retail.0
by by

Shitty day   
10:27pm 24/11/2003
mood: tired
music: Evanesence - Holding my last breath
Today sucked, everything went like shit.
i woke up at 5 am for god only knows what reason why. I could not go back to sleep for my life so i layed there in bed and rolled around till about 7 when my mom got up and i just sat at my PC like a lazyass till about 9. Took a shower, went to work. All the customers were forgetting their stuff, everything was like topsy turvy.
I took the tour de howell for my lunchbreak, ran to lowes, returned the screws for the wrong damned ones.... Then when work was over, i was pooped. ready for bed.

I had me some yummy dinner, ran around again, with more screws, ended up at hom ewhere I am now.

Tonight i started talking to adam again from the voc class after mine. I miss him alot. Of all people for me to not be able to talk to he was one of the ones that bothered me the most. All because of what he went thru with his cancer and shit i know what its like cuz of my uncle. I feel bad for this kid, lots of sympathy, i am very sympathetic, but hes the kinda person id bend over backwards to help. The kinda person id stop the world to be there for me if they needed me. Thats how I am. Im great friend, or try to be, the best that i can....

i fucking hate you all   
12:25am 24/11/2003
mood: angry
music: VNV Nation - Epicenter
I made a new screen name, xK1lLXy0urselfx. Yes, its got 3 x's in it, why because its just to piss off people. Everyone and their str8 edge ness can go kill themselfs, its bullshit. As for everyone else, i have no idea, just fuck off seriously, fuck off im sick of peoples shitty attitudes today and how they deal with things, its ur life, you only get one, FUCKING ENJOY IT!!!! don't waste ur time on simple bullshit. GROW UP GET A LIFE. theres a world of things to do out there GET OUT AND MAKE SOMETHING OF YOUR LIFE! Your not gonna become succesful or even have anything nice in life if you sit there staring at your peice of shit computer all day.

As for more things, i have recently gotten in touch with a friend of mine from HS. I have been talkin to him now and then i miss being around him in school and all. I hope I can keep in touch with all the friends I like, as far as it goes, hes the ONLY person I still talk to i graudated with. Most of the other people i did, the 450 of them can burn in hell cuz freehold people suck, and so do howell people what a bunch of loosers. As for my underclassmen friends, i love you all and i hope you don't go thru the shit i went thru in that fucked up highschool run by a courpt little nazi.

As for better news I have been going up north more oftin, i find it nice up there people are much different and kewl where i live sucks. If anyone would like to go with me on trips im looking for someone to do that. Driving alone sucks, being alone sucks. I fucking can't stand being alone anymore, i don't wanna cry about it cuz im to old for that im just sick of looking over in the passenger seat and seeing nothing but whats outside the window. I wanna see someones face, a friend, a companion, a loved one. Someone who will be there for me, as well as id be there for them. thats all i ask. Money and possesions aren't much of an object to me, but i don't want some bum.

As to my good friends, i love you all and i cherish your company don't ever fucking forget it...

check this shit outttt, people suck   
01:07am 05/10/2003
mood: annoyed
music: Metallica - Fade To Black
Conscious self
Overall self
Take Free Enneagram Test

see, im like a diamond in the ruff. I have been alone all my life. I never have had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Whenever I goto seek one or something they end up turning away, or fucking me over, or just leaving me in the dust. They have no idea what their throwing away.... I am very open minded, im willing to learn anything new. Im always open to doing new things and i just wish i had someone to enjoy these times with. But im 18, still single, and I have yet to have soemone to give all my great TLC 2.

Fuck em all, go ahead and keep going out with ur hot boys and hot girls that take you for everything you got and screw you over till u hate them so muhc. You could have this shit but turn me down? How fucked up is that!
Subbie Sound system, 7 passengers were comfortable!   
01:29am 04/10/2003
mood: hopeful
music: Zeromancer - Send Me an Angel
Weird Mix
You are some kind of weird mix of all the Mall
Monkeys characters...

Which Mall Monkeys character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

stoopid fuckers, told ya im totally original, and i can be whatever i wanna be.

long time since updates.....
Yes the suburbans on the road. The stereo is going in as a mess, all the problems with speaker holes and shit. you can find it on and search for the 1990 "subbie" and you can track my system install progress from there. Suburban is great for driving, handles so well for a huge truck. But if u floor it u can watch the gas needle go towards teh empty thing faster.

So then last saturday, Me and Eddie went to demhurst and decided we wanted to get as many people as we can fit in the suburban to go see Underworld. Worked out great, i had 7 passengers, and the other kid had 6. Someone else came, a total of 14 people. We took up a whole row proudly and it was a good time, lots of laughs and shit. I hope to spent more time with eddie up there cuz everytime we go its always a great time, and lots of good fun.

Thats all for now.... ill be back next time somthing interesting happens
9-11 We will remember   
02:49am 12/09/2003
mood: optimistic
music: Dope - Die, Motherfucker Die!
Hi all, reporting from my WONDERFULL day of 9-11. oh the eventfull day it was. First off i got up late for work, i was a half hour late... blah! Then at about 12ish, a lady blacked out in the card isle, what fun. People runnin all around the frontend going CALL 911 SHES CHOKEING SHE PASSED OUT! and heres little old me like umm wtf do i do. So i proceed in checking people out. Fun. When i came home on my break i had a discussion with my father once again about my suburban that oh so want. He said we'd go look at it when i got off work, ok fine.

So back to work im doing all my fun stuff, returns and such. Then i go on break and im watching the tv. I saw all the stuff about sept 11th was on tv and for once i actually felt like i wanted to cry, i really started to feel for some of the people, especally people that lost younger friends/relatives and children that lost their parents. I don't know what id do without my parents. They do what they can to support me and make sure of my well being.

I get home from work, and my dad says he has to talk to me. Ok fine, so we talk and he tells me he talked to the police about this situation i was dragged into, and now they found that the people who commited the crime were my heroin addicted friends which he clearly stated he didn't want me seeing anymore. Wow what a great thing for ur parents to find out. That you hang out with fucking crack addicts... well i did know and i was always there for them to keep them good and they always looked up to me and respected me. I feel bad for them because they were both brought up in shitty enviroments without the proper fathers to look up to. They looked up to me as that replacement for a father the older brother to look up to they never had, And i like that. I feel like Im making a change in someones life when they come to me and say hey, because of you i quit smoking. And because of you Im gonna do better in school and try to keep out of trouble. That makes me feel good. Have i seen progess? yes, how much of it, prolbably very little, but any change i can help someone make for the better is all that really matters.

So on with the good father looked at the suburban i want, talked to the guy and went over everything. he wants me to get it, no ifs ands or butts yea im gonna get it> i just have to get rid of my s10 somehow. Oh dearly beloved s10! My sister said she wants it, i have no problem with that. At least its in the family, and i can still see it. As for my suburban, oh im so happy right now. I can't wait to see that fucker behind my fence ready to get modifyed to all fuck. Me and that suburban will be like one, like me and my s10. At least the suburban is big enough to sleep in:) and fit all my friends and my shit and goodies whatever in! also do some naughty things in hahha. Well its time to call it a night, i still have some hw to finish BLAH!

Nj sux florida was nice   
01:00am 05/09/2003
mood: drained
music: Itsy Bitsy Tenny Weeny Yellow Polka-dot Bikini
Ok so i got back from florida the other day. Great! im home, yea but ummmm. NJ is disgusting, its been raining since i got back. sux... i hate all this fucking rain. its bringing me down. Tomorrow i start brookdale, whoopdeedo....

So i must see how i do on gas mileage to this fucking place, its like only 15-20 mins away so i should be good. But doing that 3 days a week, who knows. Its funny al the little kids get on the bus, goto school, and im rid of them all day. Its great for at work, but once they all get off from school they been commin in with their parents and buying and returning un-needed school supplies. What a fucking waste... Before i left for vacation, i worked 1-10 like 2 in a row, now i just finished another 3 in a row, i fucking hate that job. They make me work another bunch of just 8 hour days im quitting, its to much stress for me.

In other news...
I think i FINALLY convinced my dad to let me buy the fucking suburban. Oh dear subbie how i long for thee. My dream truck comming my way, as long as the dude didn't sell it yet. Suburban is like in my blood, i MUST own one. I have daydreams about them, sometimes when i see them i get all light headed and wanna fall over i get so into wanting to have mine. I just can't wait till my new monstrosity is in my driveway.

Well thats all for now, i don't even wanna get into the likeness of who and them because it will just give me more of a headache. god only knows who really likes me.

expensive books, bad computer security and boardwalks   
01:06am 26/08/2003
mood: determined
music: Apoptygma Berzerk - Suffer In Silence
Today was interesting, i actually was up at a decent time. My cousin called me because his computer wasn't starting, so i started my day there. I went over and fixed that in an hour, hten made my way over to brookdale to purchase my books, $233 what a waste of money on paper. I then went home and on my way down rt9 i did my usuall stop at the gamers planet to check up on the systems as well as my system in the back of the store. Problem: they found the guy from the other gaming center who sold them all the shit had his computer connected to our network! dun dun dun! So i went nuts for a while there, trying to setup some kind of protection to keep unwanted users failed.

going like a frantic I worked on it till 3, then i ran to work. I got out of work late after 7:30, and i was supposed to go with brian to seaside, so we finally got out of here, we got there at 9:00. We went from one end to the other looking for brittany, and after that we found her parents an hour later. SO then i went and put more money in the meter while we ate, and who do u think is yellin at us from a far, brittany and tammy. We had fun, played acrade games, i won a little truck wo0t!

So that was my crazy day, and it was better then sitting in my shitty house. Fun fun

Later all