Blurty for GIRL.

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Friday, September 19th, 2003

Time:1:19 pm.
this journal is dead. now go away. i have a live journal now and it is FRIENDS ONLY
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, August 8th, 2003

Subject:yes im still alive!!
Time:5:13 pm.
Mood: happy.
Music:THE RED CHORD - That Certain Special Ugly.
holy shit i havent updated in a while.. so much for my promise to post everyday. my dad has been doing alotta stuff with the computer and ive been afraid that he would find this. anyways.. about my summer... ive been having a kickass time at band practice and ive been a total whore ;)

i went to zac's house today. it was the best time we have had together.. even better than last week when my ass lost its virginity.. hehe.. it was great! everyone should get over their fears of having anal sex and try it! anyways.. today i was over there for about 4 hours. we starting making out right away. everything that happened next was pretty normal.. up the shirt with hands/mouth.. then down the pants. his parents werent home so i could take my pants off completely. he ate me out like woah.. lol. it was fucking awesome.. better than hes ever done before. after we were done that i gave him head. if only took 3 minutes before he finished. it usually takes alot longer it seems like. we spent the rest of the time talking and laughing together, making out, and laying together. i almost felt like i liked him.. but not really. by the way we've gone out twice. he asked me out the other day and i said no. something really awesome happened on wednesday at band practice. me and ken were on a break and everyone else in the pit was in the band room. we were holding hands and we walked into the uniform room and made out. he said some really sweet things to me like i had the most beautiful body.. it was so nice of him to say that. we only got to make out for a few minutes then we had to go back to practice. then on the next break we got to do it again. it felt so nice to have his hands on my body again.. its been so long. i really missed him. him and maggie are over and im so fucking happy!!!!!!!!!!!! everything is going good now. there is something i'd like to talk about but everyone would think im crazy. i dont even know what to say about it. dont ask me about it... idk what i can say.. words cant describe what has been happening.. its so wonderful.
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Tuesday, July 8th, 2003

Subject:i wish this to end
Time:6:30 pm.
Music:ARCH ENEMY - dark insanity.
doooood.. last night, completely randomly, chris b. talked to me online. we got in a chatroom with danny. they were both all like we want you to come to the movies w/us.. and we want your sex ;) thats really freakin awesome and everything... but what about andrew? and i want to find a guy for heather.. but i like all 3 of those guys.. anyone got any advice? andrew is going to dannys house tonight.. or vice versa.. and they said theyll tell me if we can go to the movies tonight. if we do, i hope its before my dad gets home.. he might not let me. its already getting late so i dont think we'll go.. oh well.
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Monday, July 7th, 2003

Time:6:49 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
Music:CRYPTOPSY - voice of unreason.
ive been meeting so many cool new people on soulseek. they have awesome songs and so much to d/l. thats all i gots to say today

oh yeah..
i got aim+! woot woot
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, July 6th, 2003

Subject:im still alive
Time:7:42 pm.
Mood: happy.
Music:AMORPHIS - black winter day.
wow, its been weeks since i posted! i went out with zac for a few days but he broke up with me because kate and lori were acting like jealous bitches and they were practically stalking both of us. it just didnt work out, but its not like i cared or anything. alot of stuff has happened in the past few weeks. i promise to update everyday now. ive been pretty happy. zac came over once and we had a lil bit of fun... nothing too special or worth writing about. a week ago i almost started an argument with ken. i dont remember what we were talking about, but i said "you obviously like to be controlled.. since you like maggie." we didnt talk after that for a few days, but now everythings ok and he hasnt mentioned it. after i said it he told me he was mad. i felt bad for saying it but it was such a good bad. we had a nice conversation yesterday. i think we're gonna go to a movie soon. ive been to a few movies since last time i posted. i went to one today actually, with rachel and christina.

surprisingly, danny and i have been talking alot lately. andrew wanted to have a 3some with me and danny.. but thats kind of weird. danny didnt seem interested and he wants me to hang out with him without andrew. when we do we're not gonna tell andrew though. i didnt tell andrew anything me and danny talked about. he wanted me to go to the movies today but its pouring rain outside and i just dont feel like it. i dont think i could go anyways... my mom hates danny. she wouldnt let me, i know it. it would work if i went somewhere with him and andrew and just said it was with andrew. ill have to come up with a really good plan. i always do.. but i dunno if i can this time. i need to talk to him when he gets online. i havent had a chance to talk to him or andrew today. i like danny better than andrew.. and i cant believe im saying that, oh well. id like to have fun with andrew.. but hes not really special or anything. danny is just.. different. i can have long conversations with him and tell him anything. we have had a weird past together but we dont talk about it unless we have to. its not very good :\
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Monday, June 23rd, 2003

Subject:holy shit
Time:9:20 pm.
Music:DIVIDED - leash.
ZAC IS THE MAN! i just got back from his house.. it was so much better than last time. we had 5 hours this time. we were busy the whole time.. hehehe. we started making out almost right when i got there. he held me so close to him on the couch. it felt so nice. soon he was up my shirt, then down my pants. he fingered me better than saturday. he kept switching between up the shirt and down the pants while we made out. we made out for at least an hour before anything else happened. i had my hand over his ... you know... the whole time. eventually i couldnt resist the urge anymore.. so i pulled down his shorts.. and WOW!!!! i gave him head for a super long time. i swear it was longer than half an hour. he tasted so sweet.. yum yum. i can smell him on my hands still. i used all different hand and mouth combinations on him. when i was done, we made out more. then he switched between licking, kissing, sucking, fingering, and feeling me.... all over. hes the man because he can kiss me, finger me, and rub his hands on my boobs all at the same time. it was cool because he rubbed his hands up and down my back and down the back of my pants while i gave him head.

HOLY SHIT. sorry to stop in the middle but HE JUST ASKED ME OUT.. wwoahhh dude i wasnt ready for this

ill talk to this blurty later................................... duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude
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Sunday, June 22nd, 2003

Time:10:24 am.
Mood: accomplished.
Music:BEYOND THE EMBRACE - the riddle of steel.
i havent felt like posting till now. a lot of interesting stuff happened in the past few days. 1st of all, i went to the mall w/heather on thursday. we had a great time. i got 2 cds and she got some shirts. i threw my gum on top of the starbucks place. it was good fun. i told little kids that their parents didnt love them anymore.. hehehe! the best part of all was when heather had an idea to 'free' some toy animals at the toystore. they were in a lil display area on the floor. she picked up one and put it outside the store. i managed to save a few. they were squeaking and squealing and crawling away. heather started to walk away and i looked behind me and there was a cop comin so we ducked into the book store and watched him reprison the animals! it was heartbreaking, but we're over it now.

next, zac talked to me and practially begged for forgiveness. i dont remember what day this was. but he invited me to come over saturday (yesterday) so i went. i was there for 3 and a half hours. i really had fun, but i could never be more than friends with him. i just didnt like him that way. i think he liked me like that..oh well. we watched movies and for the first hour or so he had his arm around me and he gently rubbed me. i dont remember whether he lifted up my shirt or kissed me first. but it took him like 25 minutes to lift up my shirt and bra.. he was waaaaay to slow. he wasnt very good at using his hands or mouth on me.. but his kissing was AMAZING. im dead serious. he was the best kisser EVER. i was so surprised!!! it was so awesome, and i still cant get over it. we made out for a long long time. eventually he moved his hand down and rubbed my 'area' over my pants. he needed help untieing them!! hahaha... so i untied/unbuttoned them for him. he wasnt very good at fingering. he needed tips very very badly, but i didnt feel comfortable enough w/him to tell him how i like it. he invited me to come over again tuesday. i will go if my mom lets me. if he didnt kiss so well, i dont think i would want to see him again. when he talked to me lastnight he told me how his parents like me alot, i was a great kisser, and stuff like that. it was really sweet.

so anyways, on friday heather and her dad got in a big fight cuz she didnt have dinner ready when he came home!!! ill skip all the little details and stuff because i dont feel like typin it all. he told her how she had to move out and pack all of her things in 2 trashbags. she thought he was serious so she called me hysterical and asked if my mom and i would take her in right now. so we drove to her house (its like 2 or 3 minutes away). her dad came outside so my mom drove down the street really fast. we called her on the phone and she told us we could come back and talk to her dad so we did. he acted like nothing was wrong at all. but we could tell that there was. he wouldnt let her leave. so after my mom talked to him we went back home. a few hours later he called and asked if he could drop heather off at my house to spend the night. of course he could so he came and brought her over. she told me the whole story of what happened. he came and her picked her up at like 1:45 saturday.
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Friday, June 20th, 2003

Subject:this is the longest fuckin quiz ever
Time:2:42 am.
Mood: awake.
Music:chimaira - split.
: basics :
[ .001. ] first name: ******
[ .002. ] middle name: ****
[ .003. ] last name: *
[ .004. ] nickname(s): shut up hoe
[ .005. ] gender: female
[ .006. ] age: 15
[ .007. ] birthday: shut up hoe
[ .008. ] height: 5 feet
[ .009. ] hair color: brown
[ .010. ] eye color: hazel/green
[ .011. ] race: white
[ .012. ] do you wear glasses or contacts: glasses
[ .013. ] do you have braces: yep
[ .014. ] is your hair long or short: meduim/long
[ .015. ] where were you born: in a hospital
[ .016. ] current location: shut up hoe
[ .017. ] zodiac sign: aries
[ .018. ] how many languages do you know: 2
[ .019. ] nationality: american
[ .020. ] bad habits: ken
[ .021. ] piercings you have: none
[ .022. ] piercings you want: none
[ .023. ] tattoos you have: none
[ .024. ] tattoos you want: dunno yet
[ .025. ] today's date: June 20
[ .026. ] the time: 2:47 AM
[ .027. ] ready for a bunch more questions: sure

: family :
[ .028. ] mother's name: j
[ .029. ] father's name: m
[ .030. ] step-parent's names, if any: none
[ .031. ] brother(s)'s name(s): dont have any
[ .032. ] sister(s)'s name(s): c
[ .033. ] favorite aunt: not sure
[ .034. ] favorite uncle: not sure
[ .035. ] favorite grandparents: my only grandparent.. my moms mom
[ .036. ] worst relative: hahaha. no comment!
[ .037. ] best relative: grandma
[ .038. ] do you get along with your parents: no
[ .039. ] does anyone in your family understand you: no, and thats the way i like it

: pets :
[ .040. ] do you have any pets: yep
[ .041. ] what are their names: alvin midge and lucy
[ .042. ] what kind of animals are they: dog, cats

: school :
[ .043. ] are you still in school: no
[ .044. ] did you drop out: i wish
[ .045. ] current gpa, or last gpa you got: 2.5?
[ .046. ] favorite grade: 1st
[ .047. ] least favorite grade: 2nd
[ .048. ] favorite teacher: madame heinzen
[ .049. ] least favorite teacher: ms mckinney
[ .050. ] favorite subject: francais
[ .051. ] least favorite subject: english
[ .052. ] do/did you buy lunch or bring it: buy/bring both
[ .053. ] play any sports on the school's team: band
[ .054. ] do/did you do any extracurricular ativities: drama but im not doin again this year
[ .055. ] are/was you popular: i dunno
[ .056. ] favorite dance in school: TWIRP
[ .057. ] favorite memory in school: getting fingered in the hallway & fight with shelby
[ .058. ] least favorite dance: homecoming
[ .059. ] least favorite memory in school: fight with emily
[ .060. ] most humiliating moment: everyday..but its fun

: favorites :
[ .061. ] number: 12
[ .062. ] clothing brand: dont have one
[ .063. ] shoes: i dunno
[ .064. ] saying: shut up hoe
[ .065. ] tv show: punk'd, the osbournes, jackass
[ .066. ] sport: band
[ .067. ] vegetable: cucumbers
[ .068. ] fruit: you
[ .069. ] movie: i dunno
[ .070. ] magazine: dont have one
[ .071. ] actor: bruce willis
[ .072. ] actress: the lil girl that played in the ring
[ .073. ] candy: m&ms and butterfingers
[ .074. ] gum: trident
[ .075. ] scent: vanilla... and ken..
[ .076. ] candy bar: butterfinger
[ .077. ] ice cream flavor: chocolate
[ .078. ] color: black, red, white, blue
[ .079. ] season: winter
[ .080. ] holiday: my birthday
[ .081. ] band: dredg
[ .082. ] singer: steven richards
[ .083. ] group: dredg
[ .084. ] rapper: I hate rap
[ .085. ] type of music: metal
[ .086. ] thing in your room: my bed
[ .087. ] place to be: in kens arms.. but that doesnt happen much
[ .088. ] radio station: i dont like the radio
[ .089. ] tv channel: dont have one
[ .090. ] junk food: chocolate candybars
[ .091. ] overall food: pizza
[ .092. ] store: best buy
[ .093. ] shoe brand: dont have one
[ .094. ] fast food: mcdonalds
[ .095. ] restaurant: any chinese place
[ .096. ] shape: cylinder
[ .097. ] time of day: night.. der
[ .098. ] country: usa
[ .099. ] state: dont have one
[ .100. ] boys name: i really dont know
[ .101. ] girls name: tricia
[ .102. ] mall: mall of america
[ .103. ] video game: diddy kong racing
[ .104. ] shampoo: herbal essence
[ .105. ] board game: payday
[ .106. ] computer game: pinball
[ .107. ] car: dont have one
[ .108. ] music video: dredg - same ol road
[ .109. ] swear word: oh i like em all
[ .110. ] word: ...
[ .111. ] month: december
[ .112. ] cartoon character: no one
[ .113. ] scary movie: the ring
[ .114. ] team: my school band
[ .115. ] possession: my cds

: what's the first thing that
comes to mind when you hear :
[ .116. ] eminem: HATE
[ .117. ] dog: pet
[ .118. ] hot: sweat
[ .119. ] britney spears: fake
[ .120. ] nsync: gay
[ .121. ] real world: worst tv show ever
[ .122. ] orange: fruit
[ .123. ] choice: yes
[ .124. ] fuck: me
[ .125. ] bisexual: not me
[ .126. ] black: death
[ .127. ] icq: computer
[ .128. ] insane clown posse: love
[ .129. ] linkin park: meteora
[ .130. ] jack: off jill
[ .131. ] rainbow: Chris
[ .132. ] cherry: popped... lmao
[ .133. ] cucumber: cum
[ .134. ] shark: bute
[ .135. ] lifehouse: guard
[ .136. ] bat: night
[ .137. ] leather: yucky
[ .138. ] whip: ass
[ .139. ] america: alive
[ .140. ] water: cold
[ .141. ] volcano: hot

: this or that :
[ .142. ] rock or rap: rock
[ .143. ] rock or pop: rock
[ .144. ] rock or r&b: rock
[ .145. ] rock or metal: metal!
[ .146. ] rap or pop: if i had to pick .. pop
[ .147. ] rap or r&b: if i had to pick .. rap
[ .148. ] rap or metal: metal!
[ .149. ] pop or r&b: pop
[ .150. ] pop or metal: metal!
[ .151. ] r&b or metal: metal!
[ .152. ] linkin park or limp biskit: Linkin Park
[ .154. ] selena or jennifer lopez: neither
[ .155. ] hot or cold: cold
[ .156. ] winter or summer: winter
[ .157. ] spring or fall: fallen
[ .158. ] shakira or britney: ehh both suck, but shakira
[ .159. ] icp or eminem: icp
[ .160. ] marilyn manson or rob zombie: rob zombie but i love em both
[ .161. ] kittie or garbage: kittke
[ .162. ] mtv or vh1: mtv
[ .163. ] buffy or angel: buffy
[ .164. ] dawson's creek or gilmore girls: neither..but if I had to pick Dawsons Creek
[ .165. ] football or basketball: basketball
[ .166. ] summer olympics or winter olympics: winter
[ .167. ] skiing or snowboarding: snowboarding
[ .168. ] rollarblading or skateboarding: both
[ .169. ] black or white: black
[ .170. ] orange or red: red
[ .171. ] yellow or green: green
[ .172. ] purple or pink: purple
[ .173. ] slipknot or mudvayne: Slipknot.. but both kick ass
[ .174. ] hot topic or pac sun: Hot Topic
[ .175. ] inside or outside: inside
[ .176. ] weed or alcohol: i told you so many times.. SEX SEX SEX
[ .177. ] cell phone or pager: cell phone
[ .178. ] pen or pencil: pencil
[ .179. ] powerpuff girls or charlie's angels: charlies angels
[ .180. ] scooby doo or dino: scooby doo
[ .181. ] dragon ball z or pokemon: pokemon
[ .182. ] star wars or star trek: star wars
[ .183. ] tattoos or piercings: both
[ .184. ] prep or punk: punk
[ .185. ] slut or whore: whore

: private life :
[ .186. ] do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: no
[ .187. ] do you have a crush: hmm...yes
[ .188. ] do you love anyone right now: yes
[ .189. ] have you ever been in love: yes
[ .190. ] how many people have you kissed: i should keep track.. oh well its too late now
[ .191. ] who was your first kiss: tyler.. god im so sorry for that sin!
[ .192. ] how many hearts of have you broken: a few i guess
[ .193. ] how many people broke your heart: too many
[ .194. ] best quote to sum up love: none
[ .195. ] so what is your bf/gf/crush like: perfect for me
[ .196. ] do you have a picture of him/her: in my mind
[ .198. ] do you have a picture of yourself: yep
[ .200. ] do you go by looks or personality: both
[ .201. ] ever kiss a friend: yes
[ .202. ] are you still friends: no
[ .203. ] so moving you smoke: not usually
[ .204. ] do you smoke weed: its the herb of our lives
[ .205. ] ever trip on acid: nope
[ .206. ] how about a little x: nope
[ .207. ] crack, heroin, anything else: nope
[ .208. ] beer good or beer bad: beer yumm
[ .209. ] are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: haha no
[ .210. ] do you like smirnoff ice: its ok
[ .211. ] prefer beer or liquor: liquor
[ .212. ] what kind of cigarettes do you smoke: none
[ .213. ] are you a virgin: you should be able to tell by now
[ .214. ] if no, when was the last time you got some: a few nights ago

: would you ever :
[ .215. ] bungee jump: yep
[ .216. ] sky dive: yes
[ .217. ] swim with dolphins: yep
[ .218. ] scuba dive: yep
[ .219. ] go rock climbing: ive done it
[ .220. ] eat shit for $1,000,000: for a million? yep
[ .221. ] turn your back on your friends for personal gain: noo
[ .222. ] steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: maybe
[ .223. ] cross-dress: i guess
[ .224. ] lie to the police: o yes
[ .225. ] run from the police: i would...definetly
[ .226. ] lie to your parents: der
[ .227. ] walk up to a stranger and kiss them: yeah
[ .228. ] be an exotic dancer: if i could get hired
[ .229. ] walk out of a restaurant without paying: if i could
[ .230. ] streak: yeah

: your friends :
[ .231. ] best friend: heather
[ .232. ] known longest: heather i guess.. i dunno
[ .233. ] wish you talked to more: zack
[ .234. ] wish you saw more: ken
[ .235. ] how many friends do you think you have: idk
[ .236. ] who drives you insane after a while: brandi.. dont tell her that!
[ .237. ] who can you stay around forever and never get sick of: ken and heather
[ .238. ] ever lose a good friend because you took it to the 'next level': yup
[ .243. ] can always make you laugh: lots of people
[ .248. ] hot tempered: everyone is sometimes.. but brandi most of the time
[ .249. ] most impatient: ME
[ .250. ] shortest: ME
[ .251. ] tallest: hmm idk
[ .254. ] thinest: jessie
[ .255. ] nicest: most of them
[ .256. ] best personality: all
[ .257. ] biggest drug user: me

: have you ever :
[ .258. ] flashed someone: yes.. many times
[ .259. ] told the person you liked how you felt: yes
[ .260. ] been to michigan: nope
[ .261. ] gotten really REALLY wasted: yep
[ .262. ] gone to jail or juvi: nope
[ .263. ] skateboarded: yeah alot, especially when i was way younger
[ .264. ] skinny dipped: no
[ .265. ] stolen anything: too much
[ .266. ] broke someones bone: nope
[ .267. ] kicked someone's ass: yep
[ .268. ] pegged someone in the head with a snowball: yep
[ .269. ] broke a beer bottle: yep
[ .270. ] gotten into a bar, under-aged: no
[ .271. ] kissed someone of the same sex: no
[ .272. ] flipped someone off: yes
[ .273. ] gone on a road trip: yes
[ .274. ] gone on vacation without adult supervision: no
[ .275. ] been to a concert: yeah
[ .276. ] been to another country: no
[ .277. ] talked back to an adult: DER
[ .278. ] got pulled over: nope
[ .279. ] got in a car accident: no
[ .280. ] broke a law: yeah alot
[ .281. ] given money to a homeless person: no
[ .282. ] tried to kill yourself: not really
[ .283. ] cried to get out of trouble: yes
[ .284. ] kissed a friend's brother or sister: he kissed me
[ .285. ] kissed a brother or sister's friend: no
[ .286. ] dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyway: haha yeah

: opinions :
[ .287. ] what do you think...about pop music: hate it
[ .288. ] about boy bands: hate em
[ .289. ] about flag burning: i dont care
[ .290. ] of the war on terrorists: i like it.. im sorry but i do
[ .291. ] about suicide: its real
[ .292. ] about people who try to force their opinions on you: i like other ppls opinions-only when needed
[ .293. ] about abortion: sad but real
[ .294. ] about rock/metal music: in love w/it
[ .295. ] where do you think you'll be in 10 years: i dont know
[ .296. ] who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: dunno for sure.. definetly heather

: what did you do :
[ .297. ] last birthday: nothing
[ .298. ] yesterday: computer, slept, ate
[ .299. ] last weekend: i dont remember
[ .300. ] christmas: opened presents
[ .301. ] thanksgiving: went to the beach
[ .302. ] new year's eve: hmmmmm i dont remember too well
[ .303. ] halloween: made lil kids cry
[ .304. ] easter: chilled with the family
[ .305. ] valentine's day: i cant remember

: the last :
[ .306. ] thing you ate: pudding
[ .307. ] thing you drank: root beer
[ .308. ] thing you wore: pjs
[ .309. ] place you went: computer room... still here
[ .310. ] thing you got pierced/tattooed: nothing
[ .311. ] person you saw: my mom
[ .312. ] person you kissed: ken
[ .313. ] person you fucked: i dont know his name.. jk
[ .314. ] person you talked to: heather
[ .315. ] song you heard: deftones - kinfe party

: now :
[ .316. ] what are you eating: nothing
[ .317. ] what are you drinking: nothing
[ .318. ] what are you wearing: nothing special
[ .319. ] any shoes on: nope
[ .320. ] hair: down
[ .321. ] listening to: deftones.. white pony
[ .322. ] talking to anyone: nope
[ .323. ] are you pissed I made this so long: yes.. very pissed

: yes or no :
[ .324. ] are you a vegetarian: no
[ .325. ] do you like cows: i am one
[ .326. ] are you a bitch: yes
[ .327. ] are you artistic: usually not
[ .328. ] do you write poetry: i have alot recently
[ .329. ] are you a fast runner: no.. you should see the ass i have to carry along with me everywhere
[ .330. ] can you ski: never tried
[ .331. ] are you british: nope
[ .332. ] do you want to spear britney: yes..
[ .333. ] do the voices talk to you: no.. i see images more than i hear voices
[ .334. ] did you ever give barbie a haircut: haha ohhh yeahh plenty of times!
[ .335. ] would you eat mac & cheese with hot dogs in it: mac n cheese makes me sick
[ .336. ] do you think disney creators were on acid when they made 'alice in wonderland': der
[ .337. ] are you straight: yes
[ .338. ] are you stupid? insane? or another physically handicapped: insane
[ .339. ] are you fat: no but sometimes i feel like it
[ .340. ] are you skinny: noooo
[ .341. ] are you short: yes
[ .342. ] are you tall: no way
[ .343. ] do you own a hot pink shirt: yeah
[ .344. ] how about orange pants: i used to!! i swear! i might still have em
[ .345. ] can you see the flying monkeys: no
[ .346. ] are you evil: hahaha yes
[ .347. ] did you ever know someone who had a mullet: haha YES
[ .348. ] is britney a whore: der
[ .349. ] are you a teenage zombie: im a vampire
[ .350. ] am I annoying you: if I want to I can be
[ .351. ] do you like marilyn manson: yep
[ .352. ] are you secretly from another planet: no sorry
[ .354. ] do you shop at hot topic: soemtimes

:random questions :
[ .355. ] if you could be any animal, what would you be: black cat
[ .356. ] if you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be: pizza
[ .357. ] do you remember any of your dreams: yesssss
[ .358. ] do you dream in color or black and white: both
[ .359. ] do you admit when you need help with a problem: yeah usually
[ .360. ] can people read you like a book: NO
[ .361. ] what's your biggest fear: losing the person i love the most
[ .362. ] do you talk a lot: yes
[ .363. ] are you afraid of clowns: no
[ .364. ] do you like bugs: i dont care about them
[ .365. ] how about grape kool-aid: not my thing
[ .366. ] can you drive: yeah ive got my permit
[ .367. ] are you spoiled: no
[ .368. ] are you anti-social: not really, I have been
[ .369. ] do you see dumb people: all the time
[ .370. ] do you see dead people: i have before
[ .371. ] any last words: my fuckin back hurts
[ .372. ] now that this is over, what are you going to do: die
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:im wicked bored
Time:2:27 am.
Mood: awake.
Music:chimaira - sphere.
x. name = cant say.. just in case someone i dont want to sees this journal.. laura already found it.. and heather reads one else is allowed except random bored people
x. birthday = i shouldnt say
x. piercings = none!
x. tattoos = none.. now
x. height = 5'0
x. shoe size = 7?
x. hair color = brown
x. length = medium/long
x. siblings = younger sis
x. pets = 1 dog 2 cats


x. movie you rented = darkness falls
x. movie you bought = salems lot.. vampires hehehe
x. song you listened to = Chimaira.. Forced Life
x. song that was stuck in your head = Lacuna Coil.. To Live Is To Hide
x. song you've downloaded = some earth crisis song
x. cd you bought = death metal mix called UNCORRUPTED STEAL
x. cd you listened to = chimaira.. pass out of existence
x. person you've called = heather
x. person that's called you = cory
x. tv show you've watched = 7th heaven... so gay!
x. person you were thinking of = andrew


x. you have a bf or gf = no
x. you have a crush on someone = der
x. you wish you could live somewhere else = sometimes i want to live somewhere a lil colder
x. you think about suicide = very very very very rarely
x. you believe in online dating = no its stupid
x. you want more piercings = no
x. you want more tattoos = i dont have one, but i would want one
x. you drink = yeah
x. you do drugs = it doesnt matter if i do or not.. cuz my parents think i do
x. you smoke = not usually
x. you like cleaning = no i dont clean
x. you like roller coasters = YES
x. you write in cursive or print = print
x. you carry a donor card = no.. hands off my organs

for or against..

x. long distance relationships = against.. unless im in love like crazy
x. using someone = against.. usually
x. suicide = for
x. killing people = for
x. teenage smoking = dont care
x. doing drugs = for
x. premarital sex = for
x. driving drunk = against
x. soap operas = they keep my grandma alive.. so FOR!


x. gum = trident
x. tv show = jackass or the osbournes
x. thing in the world = sex
x. thing to collect = used condoms
x. color of all time = black
x. thing to do on a rainy day = make out in the rain
x. feeling in the world = orgasm


x. food = pizza
x. song = too many to name
x. thing to do = anything thats bad!
x. thing to talk about = sex
x. sports = band
x. drink = root beer
x. clothes = ones that fit
x. picture = yearbook pics of my friends
x. movies = horror movies
x. band = dredg
x. holiday = my birthday
x. cars = i dont care

have you...

x. ever lied to someone = yes
x. ever been in a fist fight = of course!
x. ever been arrested = no


x. shampoo do you use = herbal essence
x. perfume do you use = vanilla
x. shoes do you wear = shoes..
x. are you scared of = broken hearts, old people porn, gettin caught


x. of times I have been in love?: i have no idea
x. of continents I have lived in?: 1
x. of drugs taken illegally?: i dont know exactly
x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends?: heather, ken, jessica s, jessica c, and laura.. even thought i dont talk to her much.. i just feel i can trust her w/anything.. especially cuz she knows about ken
x. of people I consider my enemies?: dont go there
x. of cd's that I own?: way over 100
x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: 2.. maybe
x. of scars on my body?: umm, a few.. my favorite is the one on my knee where my sis bit me 10 yrs ago
x. of things in my past that I regret?: too broad of a question

Have you/are you/do you....
x. Considered a life of crime? yeah
x. Considered being a hooker? yeah
x. Considered being a pimp? no..
x. Are you psycho? all the time
x. Split personalities? yes
x. Schizophrenic? not usually.. but sometimes we are
x. Obsessive? yes
x.Obsessive comulsive? no
x. Panic? yes
x. Anxiety? yes!!!!!!
x. Depressed? no
x. Suicidal? no
x. Obsessed with hate? yes
x. Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? yes
x. Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? yes
x. Understanding: yes
x. Open-minded: yes
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:i dont sleep anymore
Time:2:10 am.
Mood: awake.
Music:BEYOND THE EMBRACE - against the elements.

01. What color are your walls? white
02. What color is your bedspread/sheets? white
03. What color is your rug? white carpet
04. Any posters/bulletin boards/designs in your room? yep
05. Do you have a TV? no
06. Do you have a phone? no
07. Do you have your own computer? no
08. Do you have a desk? yep but i dont use it except to clutter it up w/random shit
09. What are your most treasured belongings in your room? cds
10. What are your most favorite things in your room? my cds and my clothes
11. Do you have any fancy lights in your room? a glitter lamp and a disco light


01. What is the first thing you do when you wake up? go back to sleep
02. Anything unusual? no, its normal for me to sleep all during the day
03. Do you pick out your clothes the night before school? yeah
04. Do you try your best to look cute for school? not cute, but i try to look my best

// SCHOOL //

01. What color is your backpack? black
02. Do you try your best when it comes to school work? fuck no
03. Do you listen or doodle? doodle and listen to music
04. BE QUIET - we all know you doodle, but what do you doodle? stars and i write poems/songs
05. Do you eat your cafeteria food, or go out? i bring my lunch and eat everyone elses too
06. What do you do right when schools over? get online

// HOME //

When you come home are you. . .
01. Miserable? usually not
02. Happy? of course.....not
03. Tired? yeah
04. LEAVE ME ALONE? thats my quote!

// OTHER //

01. Do you take walks around your neighborhood sometimes? only when the guy i like is outside..
02. What are some hobbies of yours? music, takin surveys, bein a bitch, giving head..
03. Do you collect anything? cds, bad report cards
04. What do you do in your spare time? listen to music, talk dirty to guys
05. Are you in love, or at least falling? yeah probably


01. What do you do before you go to bed? go to bed
02. Do you kiss your parents/guardians goodnight? no
03. What way do you sleep (ex: on your side, tummy, etc.)? curled up on my side.... alone
04. Do you like your life? sometimes


Last cigarette: a month ago
Last kiss: a few nights ago
Last good cry: a few nights ago
Last library book checked out: i cant remember far back like that
Last movie seen: darkness falls
Last book finished: i said i dont remember 2nd grade!!
Last cuss word uttered: shit!
Last beverage drank: root beer
Last food consumed: pudding
Last crush: ken
Last phone call: heather
Last tv show watched: 7th heaven... gay
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: flip flops
Last cd played: beyond the embrace - against the elements
Last item bought: 2 death metal mix cds at FYE
Last downloaded: lacuna coil/the gathering - shrink (live)
Last annoyance: my sis
Last disappointment: my plan at the mall failed!!
Last thing written: this
Last key used: car key
Last words spoken: shit!
Last sleep: last night
Last IM: cory
Last sexual fantasy: well it was 5 seconds ago....
Last weird encounter: danny IMed me
Last ice cream eaten: some chocolate stuff
Last time amused: today at the mall!
Last time in love: now
Last time hugged: a few nights ago when ken was over
Last time scolded: a few hours ago
Last time resentful: today
Last chair sat in: this one im in now.. it hurts my back though
Last lipstick used: i hate lipstick
Last underwear worn: black ones ;)
Last bra worn: white one im wearin now
Last shirt worn: green shirt
Last time dancing: i guess TWIRP
Last poster looked at: system of a down
Last show attended: cant remember
Last webpage visited:


1 MINUTE AGO: typing this
1 HOUR AGO: online
1 DAY AGO: home.. sleeping
1 WEEK AGO: in kens arms
1 YEAR AGO: gettin over tyler.. lol


Current clothes: green shirt, green pajama pants
Current mood: awake
Current music: Beyond The Embrace - Compass
Current taste: dry spit
Current hair: down
Current annoyance: back pain
Current smell: vanilla
Current thing I should be doing: sleeping
Current desktop picture: dimmu borgir
Current refreshment: nothing
Current worry: sex w/ken


1. What do you most like about your body?: lips
2. And least?: thighs butt stomach and hips
3. How many fillings do you have?: i have no clue
4. Do you think you're good looking?: not really
5. Do other people often tell you that you're good looking? sometimes
6. Do you look like any celebrities?: no
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, June 17th, 2003

Subject:guess what
Time:1:06 pm.
Music:CRYPTIC WINTERMOON - fallen kingdoms.
<<-------------Survey time w00t w00t---------->>

You see a kinda skinny pale guy with a NIN shirt, black jeans, combat boots and a trenchcoat.

1. What would you think of him? he looks cool

2. Would you talk to him? yes

3. What do you think he'd be into? dark things...

You see a girl wearing a tight pink tank top with no bra. Her body does not appear to have an ounce of fat on it. Her skin is perfect and her hair is bleached.

1. Is she naughty or nice? naughty

2. Is she a bitch? everyones a bitch

3. She looks sad. Do you ask her what's wrong? maybe

You see a guy with slicked back greasy hair. His pals call him Joey and he sounds thickly Italian. He seems kinda hard. He offers to take you out for ice cream.

1. Do you go? yep!

2. Do you offer to pay? no

3. What do you think of him? cool

You see a girl who is slightly chubby and smiling. Her clothes are loud but tasteful with a lot of red and she is wearing sun glasses. She drops something but doesn't notice.

1. Do you pick it up and keep it or do you give it back or do you leave it there? give it back

2. What do you think of her? shes happy

3. If she started a conversation with you would you stay and talk? yes

You see a guy who is short and thin with a large jewish looking nose. His curly hair is out of control and his personality is funny and witty and charming. He's really smooth about asking for your number since you are in the same class.

1. Do you give it to him? yeah

2. Do you wait anxiously for him to call? no.. unless i liked him

3. What do you think of him? funny and nice

You see a british guy sitting next to you. He has blonde hair with one blue eye and one brown eye. He is dressed rather conservatively and has very bad teeth.

1. If he doesn't talk to you first, do you ask about his eyes? no

2. What do you think of him? i dunno

3. Do you stare at his teeth? no

You see a dark haired girl who is tall and rather large wearing a korn t shirt. She seems loud and apparently likes to talk to strangers. She comes over to you and tells you 'I loved you in the wizard of Oz'.

1. What do you say? thanks.. i was the house

2. Could you become friends with this person? yep

3. What do you think of her? fun and friendly

You see a dark haired spanish guy with a spikey hair, a torn t shirt, and jeans bouncing around to a clash song.

1. Do you bounce around near him? yes

2. What do you think of him? cool dude

3. He says, 'Te amo.' you say? i dunno

You see a short girl who is thin, and has long blond hair. She is wearing a black skirt and a royal blue tank top. She has blue eyes.

1. Is she someone you would talk to? yeah i guess

2. What do you think of her? nothing yet

3. She tells you that her livingroom coffee table is a coffin and locked up in the coffin are guns. what do you say? wow i wanna see

You see a tall, bone-thin asian guy with brown hair and eyes. He's wearing sandals, jeans and a green t shirt. He has 'made in korea' and a korean flag tattooed on his arm.

1. What do you think of him? cool

2. you see him making something out of tinfoil. Do you ask what it is? yeah

3. What do you think when he tells you he's from texas? cool..

You see a tiny blonde girl with a small chest. She has a low raspy voice and her t shirt is tied up to reveal her belly. She is wearing roller blades and short shorts.

1. Is she someone you would walk up and talk to? no...

2. What do you think of her? kinda weird

3. What do you say when she tells you she's bisexual? "oh". cool

You see a very tall guy with shoulder legnth black hair. He has a pretty face and deep brown eyes. His body is well muscled and he's wearing black long pants, black boots, a black button down shirt and a black cowboy hat. He is also wearing a belt with bullets.

1. What do you think of him? interesting

2. What do you say when he tells you he's into 'golf'? cool

3. What do you say when he tells you he's thirty? im 15

If there were a description of you on this survey what would it say?

You see a short girl with long, straight, brown hair whos wearing a black TOOL shirt and jeans. she has on dark eyeliner and has headphones on.

1. What do you think of her? She looks like me.

2. What do you say when she tells you she wants to be your ass? fun!

3. What do you say when she tells you to beat it before she gets her bull dozer? i would beat the shit out of her.. or laugh


1. If you could have anything delivered to your doorstep each morning, what would it be? ken

2. What is one vacation destination that many people think is just fabulous but which you personally have no desire to visit? africa

3. If you were five years younger but knew everything at that age that you've actually learned over the last five years, what is one thing you would definitely do differently? i would have done more sexual things

4. If you could wake up to one smell every morning (besides coffee) what would it be? vanilla

5. Suppose that right now you could be at your favorite vacation spot, reading your favorite book, listening to your favorite CD, and eating your favorite food. What would be your choices for those four categories, and who, if anyone, would be with you? florida, TAPROOT - gift, pizza, ken

6. Which animated character is your all-time favorive? spongebob

7. If you had to write a brief message on a dollar bill that many people would eventually see as the currency circulates, what message would you write? fuck you

8. If you could own a home on the shore of any body of water in the world, which waterfront would you choose? myrtle beach

9. Suppose you had the opportunity to choose 3 people with whom to eat dinner: a famous sports figure, a movie star and a popular singer. Who would you choose? idk, idk, and paul mccoy

10. What serves as the greatest motivation for you in your daily life? music

11. What activity that you have to do every once in a while do you dread the most? going to the orthodontist

12. If you were a multimillionaire, what do you believe you would be doing at this very moment? i would be with ken..

13. If you could have a cookie jar full of anything you wanted, except money or cookies, what would it be filled with? weed

14. When people hear what you do for a living, what is the most typical question or comment they give you regarding your job? well.. i babysit and petsit.. so they say 'cool'

15. If you could have any round object in the world, what spherical item would you want? ball

16. If you were left alone for one hour with nothing more than a pen and a notepad, what would you be inclined to draw or write during those 60 minutes? a song

17. If you could witness anything at all in super-slow motion, what would you want to see? a video of me and ken the other night

18. If someone were looking for you in a bookstore, in what section would they be most likely to find you? horror stories

19. What do you forget to do more often than anything else? take my bowls/plates/cups downstairs (i eat all my meals in front of the computer)

20. If you could teach everyone in the world three skills, what would it be? how to make moonshine, how to have good sex, and how to beat the shit out of someone

If you had the choice to spin around the sun, or walk on the moon, which would you choose and why? walk on the moon

If you could share that experience with one person, who would that be, and why? ken.. can u guess why?

What colour do you think best describes you and why? black for darkness and mystery.. or red for blood and anger

Do you know what your element is? no

Do you know your astrological sign? If so what is it? aries

Do you believe that your dreams are a gateway to your soul? yes

If you could be doing anything right now, what would you be doing and why? _______________ with ken

If you could only choose one element to surround yourself with either a)wind, b)fire, c)earth, or d)water, which would you choose and why? wind

Who runs circles around your mind? ken and andrew

If you had to paint a self-portrait would you make it a)realistic, b)abstract, or c)you'd rather die than have to pick up a paint brush? realistic

Which do you prefer more and why, a)natural light, b)candle light, c)florescent light, or d)moonlight? moonlight

How about fate? i dont know what mine is, but i wish i did

If you had to spend the rest of your natural life with only one other human being, who would that be and why? ken because hes the person i care about the most right now

Have you ever written on a mirror? no but ive smeared water, toothpaste, mouthwash, soap, and blood on mirrors

Have you ever written or drawn on another person? If so who, and what did you write/draw? ive drawn/written on many people.. but most of the time i draw on myself or have people do it on me

What do you wish on? i dunno

Tell the person who sent this to you one thing about yourself, however big or small, that you've never told before: hi

What can someone do to you that would turn you on fully, physical or mental, or both? i dunno

Do you prefer sleeping outside beneath the night sky, or your cozy bed indoors? Why? either one is awesome

What is the most beautiful thing in the world? love.. and death

Name one person whose changed your life for the better: idk

Name one person whose changed your life for the worse. not gonna say

Do you believe in heaven? If so what do you think it will be like? undecided

Would you rather a)run through a sunflower field, b)jump inside a waterfall, or c)hike through the woods? Why? jump inside a waterfall because its

What is your worst fear in the world? Does it consume you? reality.. yes

If you could meet anyone, past or present, dead or alive, who would you meet and why? dave williams from drowning pool.. RIP

Have you ever written poetry? Have you shared it? yes, but i usually dont share it

What was the last thing someone said to you? heather told me how she lost her cartilege ring... lol

What was the last thing you said to them? idont remember

If you had the ability to change one thing about the world, what would it be and why? i want to kill maggie

If you could go back in time, where would you go, what would you do, and why? i would take back how i told ken i loved him twice.. i meant it.. but i didnt want to say it.. and he didnt say it back

And finally, what makes you you? im smart, but not school-smart, i always listen to people, i can be fun, and i help people out
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:here we go again
Time:12:58 pm.
Mood: blank.
Music:BURNT BY THE SUN - boston tea bag party.
{x} Fallen for your best guy friend? yes
{x} Made out with JUST a friend? yes
{x} Been rejected? yes
{x} Been in love? yes
{x} Used someone? yes
{x} Cheated on someone? yes
{x} Been cheated on? yes
{x} Done something you regret? lots of things

Who was the last person...

{x} You touched? my dog
{x} You talked to? jess
{x} You hugged? ken
{x} You instant messaged? heather
{x} You yelled at? my mom

Have you/are you/do you....

{x} Considered being a hooker? yeah!
{x} Considered being a pimp? no...
{x} Split personalities? yep
{x} Schizophrenic? sometimes
{x} Obsessive? with some things
{x} Panic? occasionally
{x} Anxiety? yeah.. really bad
{x} Depressed? usually not
{x} Suicidal? no
{x} Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? yes
{x} Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? yes
{x} Color your hair: i have before
{x} Have tattoos: no
{x} Piercings: no
{x} Have a boyfriend? no
{x} Own a webcam? yes
{x} Ever get off the damn computer? only when im pulled outta the chair
{x} Habla espanol? non.. je parle francais

On preferences....

{x} Chocolate milk or hot chocolate? hot chocolate
{x} McDonalds or Burger King? McDonalds
{x} Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend? perfect lover
{x} Sweet or sour? sweet
{x} Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? root beer
{x} Sappy/action/comedy/horror? horror
{x} Cats or dogs? catdog
{x} Ocean or Pool? pool
{x} With or without ice-cubes? without! i hate icecubes
{x} Shine or rain? depends
{x} Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? fall or winter
{x} Vanilla or Chocolate? chocolate
{x} Gloves or mittens? gloves
{x} Eyes open or closed? closed
{x} Fly or breathe under water? fly
{x} Bunk-bed or waterbed? bunk bed
{x} Chewing gum or hard candy? gum
{x} Motor boat or sailboat? motor boat
{x} Lights on or off? off
{x} Chicken or fish? chicken
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:im obsessed w/these surveys.. i stole them all from laura!
Time:12:41 pm.
Music:AFTER FOREVER - follow the cry.
I WANT: to be in kens arms
I REGRET: telling him i love him
I WISH: i could be with him
I LOVE: ken
I HATE: linsey
I MISS: ken
I FEAR: losing ken
I SEE: me and ken together
I HEAR: ken whispering in my ear
I SEARCH: for a way to be with ken
I WONDER: if he loves me
I KNOW: im in love

sry.. i was just thinkin about him at the moment...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, June 16th, 2003

Time:9:14 pm.
Mood:fuckin pissed.
Music:none.. sorry.
woah tonights been a weird night. i was so angry earlier because laura c. started shit with me. then linsey got into it. laura apologized but linsey didnt and she wont. im beating the shit out of her at band practice this summer... shes in color guard.. what a loser. shes had this comin for over 2 years. im gonna have heather take pictures.. hehehe. im dead serious about beating her up. i wasnt kidding with shelby, right? when i get mad, I GET MAD so she better watch her back.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:3:41 pm.
Music:dp still.
HAIR COLOR: brownish
SKIN COLOR: on the pale side
EYE COLOR: green gray or somethin
ABOUT EARS: normal
ABOUT CHIN: normal
SHOULDERS: in pain
MUSCLES: nice ones
STYLE: my own

---Right Now---
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: drowning pool - sinner
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: sperm.. jk.. chex mix
HOW ARE YOU?: i dunno

---Do you...---

TV SHOW: Osbournes
SHAMPOO: herbal essence
CONDITIONER: herbal essence
BOOK: Holes
MAGAZINE: i dont read any
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: hold ken in my arms
HANGOUT: my room
FEELING: horny
DOG BREED: golden retriever

---Have you...---
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: way too many...
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: no but i will one day... with myself in it
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: in elementary school
CRIED IN PUBLIC: a few times

BOYFRIEND: not really
SEXUALITY: straight
TOO SHY?: never
BEEN HURT?: yes lots
HAVE YOU EVER SAID "I Love You" and meant it? yes


WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: lacuna coil - comalies
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: heather is my best friend
HOW DO YOU WANT TO DIE?: during sex

---When/what was the last...---
TIME YOU CRIED?: last night when zac talked to me
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: i got my report card a few days ago
YOU GOT E-MAIL: 10 seconds ago.. porn junkmail
THING YOU PURCHASED: drowning pool - sinner

---Your thoughts on...---
ABORTION: its ok
PMS: it sucks
SPICE GIRLS: dont care
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:more surveys.. i love these thangs
Time:3:24 pm.
Music:drowning pool.
[1]rock or rap: rock
[2]pop or rap: pop
[3]rap or r&b: i cant pick.. i hate them both
[4]rock or metal: METAL!
[5]rock or pop: rock
[6]linkin park or limp bizkit: linkin park
[7]tool or korn: TOOL
[8]selena or jenifer lopez: i dunno
[9]hot or cold: cold weather, hot guys
[10]winter or summer: winter
[11]spring or fall: fall
[12]shakira or britney: shakira
[13]ICP or Eminem: ICP
[14]Marilyn Manson Or Rob Zombie: i like em both, but if i had to pick.. rob zombie
[15]Kittie or Garbage: kittie
[16]mtv or vh1: mtv.. but only because they show the osbournes
[17]Buffy or Angel: neither
[18]Dawsons Creek Or Gilmore Girls: neither
[19]Football or Basketball: bball
[20]summer olympics or winter olympics: winter
[21]skiing or snowboarding: snowboarding
[22]rollerblading or skateboarding: both please
[23]black or white: black
[24]orange or red: red
[25]yellow or green: green
[26]purple or pink: pink
[27]slipknot or mudvayne: both
[28]inside or outside: inside
[29]weed or alcohol: sex
[30]cell phone or pager: cell
[31]pen or pencil: pencil
[32]powerpuff girls or charlies angels: angels
[33]scooby doo or dino: scooby doo
[34] pink or gwen: gwen but both are cool
[35]dragon ball Z or pokemon: i dunno
[36]star wars or star trek: neither
[37]tattoo or piercing: both
[38]prep or punk: it depends on who the person is
[39]slut or whore: im both!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:survey time
Time:2:45 pm.
Music:DROWNING POOL - told you so.
1. Do you wear a watch?: hardly ever
2. How many coats and jackets do you own?: 20?
3. Favorite pants/skirt color?: black
4. Most expensive item of clothing?: i dunno
5. What kind of shoes do you wear?: flip flops

1. Do your friends 'know' you?: my best friend heather.. and maybe ken
2. What do they tend to be like?: most of my friends are fun
3. Are there traits in you that are universally liked?: i dunno.. im different
4. How many people do you tell everything to?: i try to tell heather everything

1. Favorite band ever?: dredg... next is taproot
2. Most listened to bands: dredg, lacuna coil, taproot
3. Do you find any musicians good-looking?: yeah, alot
4. Can you play an instrument?: guitar.. im learning drums for band
5. Type of music never listened to?: none.. ive heard everything

1. Who is the smartest person alive at the moment?: heather
2. What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day?: i like rainy days only when its cold, rainy, and windy together
3. Do you consider yourself lucky?: sometimes
4. Do you feel pity for people who commit suicide? yes
5. Choose one word to describe how you feel most often: i always have mixed emotions

1. Do you own any plaid clothing?: yes
2. Do you own converse shoes?: no
3. Do you own saucony shoes?: no
4. Do you own old school nikes?: no
5. Do you wear tight pants?: yes
6. Is there more than one zipper in your pants?: no
7. Do you know what a squatter flap is?: yes
8. Do you own a messenger bag?: no
9. Do you wear your messenger bag across your chest?: i would if i had one
10. Do you own braces?: like teeth braces?
11. Are braces worn anywhere besides the mouth?: yes
12. Do you have short, shaggy hair? no
13. Does your hairstyle exceed a height of 3 inches?: no
14. Would you classify your hair as a deadly weapon?: when i dont wash it
15. Do you think mohawks are "neat"?: spiffy
16. Is your hair black or red?: no
17. Do you have a favorite brand of hair dye?: no
18. Do you own a bandana?: yes
19. Do you wear plugs in your ears?: no
20. Are you amused by safety pins?: yes
21. Have you ever used duct tape as a sewing substitute?: yes
22. Do you own one or more objects with studs or spikes in them?: yes
23. Do you own one or more articles of clothing from dogpile, lip service, or tiger of London: no
24. Do you enjoy leopard print?: no
25. Are you disgruntled?: sometimes
26. Are you an anarchist?: yes!
27. Does the American flag anger you?: no.. i dont pay attention to it
28. Are you "working class"?: no
29. Do you dislike "preps"?: if theyre slutty "flirt like crazy wake up sandy" airhead bitches, yeah.
30. Do you dislike Hot Topic?: no
31. Do you smoke cigarettes?: not on a regular basis
32. Do you smoke cloves?: no
33. Are you a thin waif?: what?
34. Are you vegan/vegetarian?: no way
35. Do you think meat is murder?: yes, and i like it
38. Have you ever gone a week without a shower?: i think the longest was 5 days
39. Have you ever been avoided due to your odor?: i hope not
40. Do you know who Jack Kerouac is?: yes
41. Do you like Mr. Kerouac?: yes
42. Are you a member of the makeout club?: im the president
43. Do you say "rad"?: no

1. Name: ******
2. Do you like it?: yeah.. its unique
3. Nick-names: not tellin
4. Screen names: post a comment if ya wanna know
5. School: not tellin
6. Birthday: 3/31
7. Sign: i cant remember at the moment
8. Location: NC
10. Status: i dont know..
11. Crush: lots.. but especially ken
12. Virgin?: haha
13. Natural hair color: brown
14. Current hair color: brown with subtle highlights
15. Eye color: green? gray? i forgot
16. Height: 5'0
17. Weight: weigh your pet cow to get an idea.. jk
18. Birthplace: NC
19. Shoe size: 7 or something

1. Number: 331
2. Color: black, red, blue
3. Day: all days are the same to me
4. Month: they are all the same
5. Song at the moment: Drowning Pool.. the Sinner cd
6. Movie: i cant pick
7. Food: pizza, ice cream, lean pockets
8. Band: dredg
9. Sport: band
10. Class: it was french but now school is out
11. Teacher: madame heinzen
12. Drink: root beer
13. Veggie: cucumber
14. TV station: abc family & gameshow network
15. Radio station: i dont like the radio
16. Store: best buy
17. Expression: anything random...
18. Animal: frog
19. Flower: red rose
20. State: NC
21. Me or you: me and you
22. Coke or pepsi: coke
23. Day or night: im the night goddess
24. AOL or AIM: aim
25. CD or cassette: cd
26. DVD or VHS: dvd
28. Car or truck: car
29. Tall or short: tall man.. me short
30. Lunch or dinner: dinner
31. *Nsync or BSB? : bsb
32. Gap or Old Navy: old navy
33. Lipstick or lipgloss: lipgloss
34. Silver or gold: silver
35. Alcohol or weed: sex

1. Do you have a bf/gf?: friends with benefits
2. Do you have a crush?: yep
3. How long have you liked him/her: ive liked ken for lots of months
4. Why do you like this person?: funny, nice, caring, gentle, warm, soft, sweet, sexy
5. If you're single, why are you single?: cause im a whore
6. How long was your longest relationship?: i dunno, i dont keep track anymore
7. How long was your shortest relationship?: 2 days w/cory!
8. Who was your first TRUE love?: im not sure
9. What do you miss about them?: ....

1. What is the one thing you would change about your past? i told ken i loved him twice
2. What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?: told my sister some secrets
4. Last thing you saw: porn
5. Last thing you said: shut up mom
6. What is the last TV show you saw?: osbournes
7. What is the last song you heard?: drowning pool - sermon

1. Saw?: some porn star
2. Kissed?: ken
3. Who is the last person you hugged?: ken
4. Fought with?: mom
5. Were on the phone with?: heather

1. What are you wearing?: red thong, black shorts, red tank top, black flipflops
2. What are you doing?: listening to music and talking
3. Who are you talking to?: heather
4. What song are you listening to?: dude can u please stop asking me that...
5. Where are you?: computer room.. which is my dads office
6. Who are you with?: whats that supposed to mean
7. Are you online?: der
8. How are you feeling?: angry, sad, confused, happy
9. Are you in a chatroom?: no

1. What day is it tomorrow?: tuesday
2. What are you going to do after this?: shower
3. Who are you going to talk to?: heather
4. Where are you going to go?: CiCi's pizza
5. How old will you be when you graduate?: 18
6. What do you wanna be?: i dunno
7. What is one of your dreams?: to be loved by ken
8. Where will you be in 25 years?: rehab

1. Do you write in cursive or print?: print
2. Are you a lefty or a righty?: righty
3. What is your sexual preference?: 100% straight
4. What piercings do you have?: none
5. Do you drive?: i have my permit
6. Do you have glasses or braces?: both
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:2:16 pm.
Mood: angry.
Music:DROWNING POOL - bodies.
this is an example of what church does to you:

zac: hey
me: whats up?
zac: ******....... i need to talk to u
me: ok
me: im listenin
zac: that whole thing u sent me and u and that guy last night or wen ever..... im sory but that really kinda bothers me
me: really?
me: how
zac: im just not like that
me: thats ok
zac: i know
me: u dont have to be
zac: but it bugs me that u r and ...
zac: uhg
me: what part bugs u
zac: the whole thing
me: well im not seeing him again
zac: im just not all like into doin all that stuff
zac: i know its not him
zac: idc who it is
me: thats ok if ur not
zac: its the idea of the stuff it self
me: i thought uve done stuff
zac: some yes
zac: but nuthing at all like that
me: do u think its wrong?
zac: idk
zac: i just know that im not like that
me: thats fine with me
zac: and i usualy dont go with people like that :-\
zac: im sory
me: people like what
zac: that do sooo much stuff like that
me: i dont have to do it again
me: or do it with u
zac: :-\still....
me: i dont understand
zac: i just dont know as to if i want to get involved with someone who has done soo much stuff like that
me: do u know why u feel like that?
me: i really havent done stuff that much
me: i can easily live without it
zac: its nothing against u .....
zac: but i just dont like the idea that u have done all that with other guys
zac: i really dont
zac: and i dont like to get involved with people that have done that alot
me: before u acted like everything was ok
zac: but then i thought about everything and it botherd me more and more
me: is there anything i can do to change that?
zac: im sory but i dont think so
me: i dont know what to say
me: do u think i would do that stuff with someone else again?
me: if we dont do anything like that i wouldnt care
zac: i know
zac: but knowing how u have dont that stuff with other people just its not like me
zac: and i know u dont have to do anything with me
me: so u dont want to give me a chance?
zac: but it doesnt change wut u have done in the past
me: i dont want to change what ive done
zac: i know
zac: and the things u have done are just not like m
zac: e
me: r u worried that if we went out that i would do that with someone else?
zac: i know u wouldnt
zac: no
zac that doesnt have anything to do with it
zac: its just that i dont like to date people that have done alot of stuff like that
zac: im sory if it offends u but thats just not me
me: well
me: i dunno what i can do about that
me: im really shocked
me: i thought everything was perfect
zac: :-\im sory
zac: but ******... thats just how i am and im not going to change my ways and say all that stuff was ok
me: so whats gonna happen now
zac: idk ******....
me: i thought it was ok before
zac: but i cant get involved with u
zac: i thought it was too
zac: but the more i thought about it
zac: the more it botherd me
me: but why?
me: sorry i got disconnected
zac: k
me: so
me: ..
zac: im sory
zac: but i just cant ....
zac: i cant get involved with u
me: u cant just ignore what ive done??
zac: no
zac: i cant
zac: im sory it came to this
zac: but i really cant
me: ok
me: so im not comin over tuesday
zac: im sory
me: well what do i tell my parents?
zac: well the thing is u couldnt come over anyway because my dad has a meeting with some achatect about somethin for our church
zac: and no one would be home
zac: i tried to call u tonight and tell u but the line was busy
me: oh
me: i was on the phone some
zac: then my mom got on the phone and i couldnt use it
me: i wondered why u didnt call
zac: yeah
zac: sory
zac: thats y i didnt
me: its ok
zac: look... its nothing against u .. i just cant get involved
zac: cuz its not me
me: ok
zac: ive got to go now
zac: good night
me: bye
me: u dont know what ur missin..
zac: maybe not.... but right now im not going to find out
me: whatever
me: bye
zac: bye

(i starred out my name)
and this convo was from 1 oclock this morning.. i was sad then but now i dont care
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, June 15th, 2003

Time:11:16 am.
Mood: giddy.
Music:NORMA JEAN - face: face.

JESSIES PARTY: friday - saturday.. it was great. i ate a ton and met some nice new people. we all got along well. 2 people didnt sleep at all. i slept for an hour or so.

THE MOVIES: i was hoping that me and andrew were gonna go.. but he made other plans and so do i.. he thought i was mad at him but nooooo i wasnt.

DINNER: i went to dinner with my family. blah.

HERES THE GOOD PART!!! ken came over about 8:45. my parents were mad cuz they wanted me to spend time with them. my parents and my sister watched the exorcist downstairs. me and ken went upstairs. we went into my room and layed on my bed. we talked for a few minutes and i held him close to me. then we left and went into my parents room cuz its not as easy to get caught in there. i layed down and he got on top of me. we made out some. then he pulled up shirt and felt my boobs... i wish he could have sucked on them alllll day. then he pulled down my pants. he switched between using his tongue, his fingers, and a long cylindrical object. it felt better than any other time. it was absolutely amazing. it was hard for me to keep quiet.. i wanted to scream it felt so good. after that stuff was done, we sat up and i gave him head. then we went into the computer room and talked. i cried a bunch because i got really sad. i dont feel like typing out everything we talked about.. but most of it had to do with zac andrew and maggie. next we went downstairs and ate ice cream. after that we went upstairs and got online.. i didnt know what to say to him so i just put my arms around him and put my head on his shoulder. we sat like that for a while. we started kissing and he put his hand down my pants. it was hard for him to finger me in the position that we were in so i lifted up my shirt instead. it feels so good to have him play with my boobs. we got up and went into my parents' bathroom. i gave him head again. he had to leave then (it was 12)
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, June 13th, 2003

Time:11:48 am.
Mood: blank.
Music:SOILWORK - the chainheart machine.
things are going better with me and zac. im starting to like him alot more. andrew and i are probably going to a movie saturday. i cant wait!! but ken is being the normal jackass that he is.. hes still going places with maggie (i dont know how the hell he can fit her in his car!!) but they dont do anything more than kiss. he comes to see me when he wants a BJ. why do i care about him so much??? id do anything for that guy...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Blurty for GIRL.

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