| So get back, back, back to the disaster |
[24 Jan 2004|12:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exanimate |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sugarcult - Memory |
] |
I don't even know. Seriously. I haven't been able to focus on anything lately. Like in school, I try so hard to actually learn on occasion, but it just never works. My mind keeps wandering and its just not right. Something is seriously wrong with me and I can't figure out what. I've always had some ADD tendencies, but never this bad. Even when its something I care about I can't stay focused.
I haven't been able to sleep lately either. I think its the same focusing problem. I layed down in bed at 11:30 last night but didn't get to sleep until about 2:30. My mind was racing a mile a minute on the most random things. I couldn't get myself to just stop and sleep. Even when I finally got to sleep, it wasn't a good sleep. I had bad dreams, and kept waking up.
What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not stressed...at least I don't think I am. I just feel worried all the time, but I don't know what I'm worried about. I wish I could figure this out, because I'm tired of feeling this way. This isn't fun, and I'm constantly feeling like there's something wrong. I just wanna be able to relax, and sleep. Oh god I need sleep. Its been about a week since I've gotten a real nights sleep. I'm living on caffine pills and red bull right now, but even if I wasn't I doubt I'd be able to sleep.
I just wanna know why I feel this way. I just wanna sleep. I just wanna break down and cry, and I don't even have a reason. Maybe I can cry myself to sleep....
|
|
| is it bad that i really do feel this way? |
[24 Jan 2004|12:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
You have wings of STEEL. No one's really
sure why, but at this point in your life you've
shut off emotion to the point of extreme
apathy. You are cold and indifferent much of
the time...or perhaps you're just a good
pretender. Next to impossible to get close to,
even those who do never see the real you. It's
entirely possible that YOU don't even know the
real you. You have a certain fascination or
attraction to destruction on a massive scale -
disasters, perhaps even death or the concept of
the Apocalypse. Because you hold so much
inside, one day you're simply going to snap.
Then the mask will fall away, and your true
wings will be revealed. Until then you will
deal with whatever comes your way in icy bitter
silence and acceptance. On the positive side,
you are fearless and immeasurably strong - not
much can crack through your defenses. You
intrigue people, who can't help but wonder why
you're the way you are. A loner and one who
spends much of their time brooding and
contemplating life and death - you are a time
bomb waiting to explode and create some
destruction of your own.
|
|