| 12:23am 01/09/2004 | |||
 You Are: Kittie - Paperdoll........."I Look At Her In That Paper Dress, I Wonder Why She Wont Burn...." Which Kittie Song Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Poof! your and ashtray. | |||
| 05:37pm 13/02/2004 | |||
| BLAH! | |||
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| I'm unclean a libertine, and everytime you vent your spleen. i seem to loose the power of speech | |||
| 10:57am 02/02/2004 | |||
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You're slipping slowly from my reach. You grow me like an evergreen. you"ll never see the lonely me at all.. This is Brian Molko, On Dec. 2, when i saw him at the Marquey theater.. MMMM, i met him that night.. He smelt so great.. no idea.. the most masculine and feminine smell ever.. only he could accomplish that i swear.. Thank you Shawn for sending this to me..*kisses*.. i just felt i should share a happy moment with everyone in lala land..  |
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| slit my wrists to make you feel better.. | |||
| 06:42pm 27/01/2004 | |||
| I doubt i would even be missed.. | |||
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| Hoping and hoping for nothing... | ||||
| 04:14pm 17/01/2004 | ||||
by me... Glancing behind me I can see. My reflection a lost soul You look a hell of a lot like me Tangled in vines I chopped down Swimming in lakes I drained Making a life out of make-believe Happiness never really obtained I am a princess I am a fucking queen But that only matters to me Reality isn’t based on fantasy Shattered glass along the way Sadness looking up at me I can’t see. Tangled in vines I chopped down *imaginary* Swimming in lakes I drained *drowning* Making a life out of make-believe Happiness never really obtained I am a princess I am a fucking queen* of nothing* But that only matters to me Reality isn’t based on fantasy What will I do when my world falls? What will I do when I bleed? *What will I do when I fall?* What will I do when I come apart at the seams? What would I do…? What will I do...? When I realize I am alone. It’s just me. But that only matters to… me *Reality isn’t based on fantasy* *Lost, lost in this world of make-believe* Killing me in Wonderland… Killing me in Wonderland… You’re fucking killing me in Wonderland… *Lost in my world of make-believe* |
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thirsty| Blah! | ||||
| 12:29pm 10/01/2004 | ||||
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chipper| 05:53pm 08/01/2004 | |||
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all our pain how did we ever get by without you? you're so vain I bet you think this song is about you don't you? don't you? don't you? don't you? Gosh, I have to be the single most depressed person in the world right now... I am doing so much better at not hurting myself.. so much.. It does help that Shawn tends to bite me a lot. Gives me something to feel. Other then that i have not really cut, burned, bruised... whatever demeneted type of self-mutalization since around November.. go me.. This mood i have been dwelling in seems to be taking everything out of me. I do not know how much longer i can take it.. At least i know i will not kill myself.. I can not even guess exactly why i feel this way... I know it is not Jared..sigh. Nothing new going on there. I think it is this drama.. i hate drama, and ever time i turn around there is something. Whether it is something stupid like a broke down truck or something a little more trying like Vina's girlfriend taking off. Me spending a week mending there relationship.. i need to stop caring so much for other peoples lives. I never have time for myself.. I feel useless when i do that though.. It is probably because i am a pisces or something...sigh... I know that is not the only problem i think that is just the icing on the cake of my wonderful life... I just want to scream so loud, but have nobody hear me.. i want to disappear... I feel desperate more then ever. I think i should take a break from everyone i know... A break to put myself back together... I need to stop living so dead.. Unfortunetly, i can not just disappear. I must tell them i will not be around for a while.. I will on Saturday, inbetween the performance of Hedwig and the angry inch and the rocky horror picture show. now I belong I'm one of the chosen ones now I belong I'm one of the beautiful ones |
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| Always stays the same. Nothing ever changes. | |||
| 01:41pm 04/01/2004 | |||
| I am so tired right now, but i am at work. No sleep for Alisha. *sigh*.. I have not actually slept for more then an hour since like the day before New Years... I have just been catching hours where i can grab them. I am exhausted. All together i have had maybe 8 hours of sleep in this time. What is worse is that i find myself unable to sleep when the opportunity presents itself. Blah. I need sleep, among other things. | |||
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| Somethings you Loose and Somethings you just give away. | ||||
| 02:15am 03/01/2004 | ||||
"Join Me" We are so young our lives have just begun But already we are considering ercape from this world And we've waited for so long for this moment to come We're anxious to be together together in death Won't you die tonight for love (Baby join me in death) So will you die (Baby join me in death) Won't you die tonight for love (Baby join me in death) So will you die (Baby join me in death) This world is so cruel place and we're here only to lose So before light taers us apart let death bless me with you This life ain't worth living ... (Join me, Join me, Join me, Join me, Join me) You can join me in death... Well everyone who gives a damn. I doubt there are very many of you out there. I surprisingly had a good New Years. Bre came over to the party i was at.. Now bre is Jared roomate, and she is so super hot and sexy... she is so roar. She has 30 piercings and 10 tattoos.. well half the night we just stared at each other.. we were left alone for seconds and we were all over each other. sigh. it was hot. Also, me and Ashly kept each other company.. so it was us three all night. Well i guess Jared has heard of our fun, bre and mine, and seems slightly excited about it. *sigh* I do hope her and me get a go at it once again, it was tons of fun. Other then that fun.. life sucks, and i hate like everyone. Vina had an emotional breakdown and i was stuck helping her in the parking lot of 5 & diner... Kry found out about Jared, and never wants to see him again. bre was going to move out but i guess has changed her mind.. I am certain that none of this drama makes much sense to anyone but me, but i think that maybe for the best. Also, i have had this uncontrollable need for sex! It seems all i get is aggitation, but no fufillment. There is tomorrow, i might get to see Jared and bre, and i will be with Ashly... Sounds like a night of great fun, and perhaps it will be.. I am doubting it though.. WELL another day in my life. Another turn of the page... I hope i die.. |
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| 11:34pm 28/12/2003 | ||||
Try this trick and spin it, yeah Your head will collapse and you'll ask yourself Where is my mind Well i saw Mr.Jared today... i hate that i adore him so much.. I was lovely that when he was taking me home... he honestly was himself completely. He told me about his true feeling for Patch. You would think that would make me sad, but no.. I love that he is so open to me about everything.. It also helps that i know that she does not feel the same way back...well not completely. She sort of uses him, that pisses me off. We had lots of fun though.. Sort of a small pain from the fact that i am the only one who knows he is sleeping with two people..and sometimes messes around with me...It is so funny that he is able to hold to girls that will not admit to themselves that they are both being used.. Now you would say, hmmm, you are being used too. I am not.. i know. i accept.. and i use him too. Honestly i understand our friendship/relationship is not perfect, but i need him in my life... He needs me, but we just have never been able to return to what we used to have. to help someone understand how i can feel this way..i am putting a picture of Jared/Cloven on here. Well, i do not feel like going through the process of putting a picture on here..so here is his livejournal..do not bother to comment on it of anything, he will not get it unless he knows you already.... My beautiful and wonderful ex..jared *sigh* http://www.livejournal.com/allpics.bml?user=dragdoll |
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awake| The circus is in my pants! | ||||
| 04:29pm 25/12/2003 | ||||
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| Hold you breathe count to ten, then start again start again.... | ||||
| 12:06pm 22/12/2003 | ||||
Sometimes in insomnia..you're not really asleep or awake now are you. Have the lambs stop screaming? |
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| I am sad.... | ||||
| 11:27pm 19/12/2003 | ||||
I just do not know... I love him so... and is silly to love someone if there is no love in return... So in three months...when i am legal..i will know if i am being silly or not.. if i am being a retard...and have wasted my love ..no not wasted, but have been lying and giving myself some hope for our future..all in three months time... I secretly sabotage my relationships...and he does too...i know it.... EEK! I just am so tired of waiting..i have been waiting for so long... not necessarily for him..or being allowed to see him, but for myself..to be allowed to come to that decision on my own devices... I have been waiting to grow up...or rather...be an adult... It just makes me wonder if i am letting myself down.. or everyone else..and does it matter at all! I give up on it all... |
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annoyed| What's wrong with this picture? | ||||
| 08:48am 18/12/2003 | ||||
everything is broke...it seems as though everything in my life repeats itself...always the same story..the same people...the same places....and with those same god awful feelings...it is all so fucking repetitive...makes me sick... Jared is now 19 and got more tattoos for his birthday...he also hung out with patch..that makes me sad... He loves her as much as i love him...*LOL*... funny how she is using him as much as he uses bre and kry... Kayla turned 17...i got to speak to her for like 2 minutes...i hate that we never get to see each other..it is stupid.. And lastly, steven went away...makes me so sad...he went to Missouri...He is coming back on the 29th but still makes me sad that my soulmate is in a completely different state... soulmate dry your eyes.. soulmate dry your eyes...cause soulmates never die.... |
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| Some things you loose and some things you just give away............................................ | ||||
| 11:49am 24/11/2003 | ||||
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| Pull out your crooked teeth.. You'll be pefect just like me | ||||
| 11:47am 07/11/2003 | ||||
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| Some things you loose and some things you just give away..... | ||||
| 10:44pm 06/11/2003 | ||||
I some times wish i could disapear...so here i am, with this weak attempt at doing so... falling apart i tell you i am so broken... |
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meloncollia |
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