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Thursday, March 4th, 2004
1:02 pm - WHO NEEDS ACTIONS WHEN YOU GOT WORDS...
avoidant
You yearn to be socially accepted yet have trouble
expressing yourself to others. You grow nervous
around large groups and seek solitude far too
often. You also low self-esteem and fear
rejection.


What's Your Disorder ?
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: awake
current music: "let me go crazy on you"-heart

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Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
8:37 am - CRASH INTO ME !!!
You've got your ball,
You've got your chain
Tied to me tight, tie me up again.
Who's got their claws
In you my friend?
Into your heart I'll beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock,
And sweet you roll
Lost for you, I'm so lost for you

Oh, and you come crash into me
And I come into you
And I come into you
In a boy's dream
In a boy's dream

Touch your lips just so I know
In your eyes, love, it glows so
I'm bare-boned and crazy... for you.

Oh, and you come crash into me
Baby, and I come into you
In a boy's dream
In a boy's dream

And if I've gone overboard
Then I'm begging you
To forgive me
In my haste
When I'm holding you so girl,
Close to me

Oh and you come crash into me, yeah
Baby, and I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show your world to me
In a boy's dream
In a boy's dream

Oh, I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing, but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted,
The way I'd like to be
For you, for me, come crash into me
Come crash into me, yeah

Crash into me...
Crash into me...

You know, I'm the king of the castle,
You're the dirty rascal, crash into me.
Please crash into me, baby...

Oh, no no no...
Yes, I see the waves
Come and crash into me.
See the waves come and crash into me.
Crash into me.

current mood: happy
current music: DMB -CRASH

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Thursday, February 19th, 2004
10:39 am - it has resluted to midnite chatter with my head, join .me .pleases?
HELLO KIDS! i'm here to update, finally i know ,longtime right?
anyway i'll leave you with two poems off the top of my head.

1)It is so frigid right now, the air is wavering between
tingles and stabs. And the blades of grass are ever so
swift to hurry along the hours and bite at my ankles.
So lock your eyes to my own, for I am proposing to
steal the night and your aura. Be quick to make me
laugh, I haven't much energy left to dream about it.
Excuses get old and I'm slowly shutting down.
Gotanother stick of dynamite?
Well, at least sometimes we'd talk and exchange three worded phrases
Now love is nothing but a bedtime story I sometimes
use to help myself through the night.
*********************<33******************
2)the bath water could have been rose water
or some exotic ingredient as rare as the evening
before summer bled wisteria petals and jasmine
scented air into the house that felt like home
when you played spin the bottle on the lacquered
floor, when you drank enough to strip your cotton
t shirt and all I smelt was freshly soaped skin
mingling where my fingers met the contours of
muscles packed tighter than the way you grinned,
already aware of 100 different strategies
a cut could meet. your abdomen was scarred
like a faraway look trapped in constellations
from another galazy.

Now i must saldy say goodbye.

current mood: awake
current music: it's a local band dont worrie about it, but the band is jude

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Sunday, February 1st, 2004
12:58 am - what better way to spend a friday with tunes..for nothing.
bottom line IS.. it's over. and as for this whole david thing that's DONE,DEAD,BURIED.
i gave up a long time ago. because if it was ment to happen, it would of have already happend a long dam time ago. and i dont know how i can standmyself. i mean here i am eating my own heart out with a spoon ,at the mention if his name, and yet he can't even have a shard of memory , of who iam
come'on something is wrong there.
And at this funeral there are no last words, because it is a waste of time
everybody's fuckin time.
.....................................
*6 feet under*
take this knife and slit my throat
its all i ask of you
relax, take off your overcoat

well share a dinner for two
six feet under

its the life without laughter
the life of the unsad
no mixed up emotions
no touching, no notions
just bleed and sit,
with a starry-eyed glaze

enjoying this dinner for two
six feet under

its much nicer down here
with no words to confuse
only muffles of boots
resting lillys on our tombs
and the soil is soft
from the warm salty tears
but the coffin is cold
where are you, love

i wished wed share this dinner for two
6 feet under
..............................
seriously, what now?

current mood: horriblefate&time
current music: pg.99

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Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
9:27 am
it really fucking sucks when noone calls to say hello, thet only call when they can something out of you.
ha! "friends" thats complete bullshit, who ever told you that is your enemy

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Monday, January 26th, 2004
8:18 am
I'M running out of paper and the list still grows
i'll add you to my calender
i'll add you to my list of yesterdays and pray for a new tommrow
it's so fucking beautiful
you're so fucking beautiful
but thats not what i need
they're just my emotions, dont get so worried

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8:08 am - i found my heart at the bottom of my bag along with my happynes which is a waste
*rasie's white flag*
i give up on everything

current mood: crappy
current music: A perfect circle-the noose

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Sunday, January 25th, 2004
6:31 am - not anyone in particular but melody we know.
this is you
the toxic friend
ill use this diagram
to help represent
the parts, the poison
the path you have chosen
this is your road
sometimes bumpy
sometimes smooth
this is the fork
left lane must yield
right lane must die
but you took the right
on a "no U-Turn" highway
"i want life fast!
ill never yield"
and so ill watch you on traffic reports
the girl who wanted her life short
full of love and heartbreak
doing drugs and acting fake
and i'll try to be the speed bump
to slow you down
ill be the broken road sign
thats faded to brown
"take heed, danger is near"
then you scream "FUCK DANGER"
and slam into the next gear
then you start to bleed in anger
"who the hell put a speed bump here?"
and it was there for your safety
but you refused to listen to me
and the air bag forgets to deploy
as you fly through the window into the nearest tree
bleed for me, doll
bleed out the speed
bleed out the blood you dont seem to need

to steve.

current mood: worried

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6:20 am - haha mad funni
fri.jan 30th
the whole chess club we tyte
david: oh yhea,we tyte we tyte

current mood: pleased
current music: not selling out to my boyz ...right

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Friday, January 23rd, 2004
10:02 am - someone we,us,you, I, everybody lost one way or another
its a little cheesy eulogy but its the thought that counts.

"my searching eyes have never been so intrigued to see you all, i guess everyone found a way to make ten minutes last forever,with each passing moment we all drift further away...closer to our chosen paths but i can't help remebering what was...what might have beenbut i have been warned by those who havepassed this way before,and to them i am gratefuland as for everybody i am also gratefuland i pray that everyone find the peace everybody have's been longing for."

~BLESSED BE~

current mood: peaceful
current music: DRIVE IN DRIVE OUT

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Monday, January 19th, 2004
11:48 am - picture of...
ps:how do you post pictures
thanks for nothing...assholes

current mood: awake
current music: carter beats the devil(NotGivingSongForYouSkankoidsToSteal)

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Thursday, January 15th, 2004
7:45 am - more pathetic poetry that screams in the microphone"EMO"!
somebody,someone

current mood: hungry
current music: alice in chains-down in a hole...

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Saturday, January 10th, 2004
11:24 pm
NOTE:I really dont know myself,thats the only thing that im sure of..
Im in my most wrecked phase of life and as the way life takes me up and down the road..i find myself with my words.
Feel me through my words.i'm just another athazagoraphobe, fearing of being forgotten.. with a strange habit of writing
.............................................................<33............................................................................................................
1.how tiny,it grows, how so very small,it should die for its inside,it disapers,without a single cry.
..........................................................................................................................................
2.Let me fall,
Let me climb,
There's no moment,
when fear and dream must collide...
Someone i am,
is waiting for courage,
The one i am,
The one i will become,
will catch me..
So let me fall,
if i must fall,
I wont heed your warnings,
I wont hear them..
Let me fall,
If i fall,
For the phoenix,
may or may not rise..
I will dance so freely,
holding on to noone,
You can hold me only,
If you too will fall away,
from all these useless fears and chain..
Someone i am,
is waiting for my courage,
The one i want,
The one i will become,
will catch me..
So let me fall,
If i must fall,
I wont heed your warnings,
I wont hear..
Let me fall,
If i fall,
There's no reason to miss this one chance,
this perfect moment,
Just let me fall..

current mood: indescribable
current music: dmb -helpmyslef

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Sunday, January 4th, 2004
2:18 am - runnin horny mutherfucker....
last nite i satyed up until 3 almost 4:00 in the AM my holy sweet crap!
i watched THEDOORS on dvd , most def it was amazing, i love you jimmy morrison!
so it is true people do change when they leave thier roots.

current mood: confused
current music: half naked and full witted two weeks less a shower!

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Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
9:44 am - i'm so long gone
i'm leaving far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far ar far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far
far far far far far far far far far far far far far far {SOMEONE:LOVEME}far far far far far far far far far far far far far AWAY. i'm packing up my shit in my car and drving

anyone want to join me?

current mood: annoyed by my fam gags*
current music: shower water running

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9:16 am - sum song by HEARt
We may still have time
We might still get by
Every time I think about it I want to cry
With the bombs and the devils
And the kids keep coming
Nowhere to breathe easy...no time to be young
But I tell myself that I'm doing alright
There's nothing left to do tonight but go crazy on you

My love is the evening breeze touching your skin
The gentle sweet singing of leaves in the wind
The whisper that calls, after you in the night
And kisses your ear in the early light
You don't need to wonder, you're doing fine
And my love, the pleasure's mine
Let me go crazy on you

Wild man's world is crying in pain
What're you going to do?
I was a willow last night in my dream
I bent down over a clear running stream
I sang you the song that I heard up above
And you keep me alive with your sweet, flowing love


<3333 dora

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3:18 am
its funni how when you get older, the world around you dosent seem to change

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Friday, January 2nd, 2004
1:09 pm - no one EVER points at me and whispers to thier firends...thats her..NEVER EVER.EVER.EVER
why cant i be the girl he points at and says to his friends "thats her"?
why not, i'll tell you why, i'm a teenage defective and a hopeless pathetic lost romantic
i want to die someone kill me with thier words
someone come visit me at lust cabain and makeout creek.. i swear i wont leave my thoughts
can to dayget anyworse , yet another scar to my shitful memories

current mood: got pushed into the door by IT
current music: silent tear drops on compu keys

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12:16 pm - the convo with myself.
you know come to think of it I dora have no friends or fam meaning..(insert your meaning with a comment)
because when it comes to that time when that person is sad and i'm ALWAYS somehow there to give them some kind of hopeful prespective..the tables turn ... i get another chunk of life fluid drained out , i swear i feel like i have an IV of life juice connected to my spine and whenever something bad happens(which is always) i slowly fade shortcirrcut like a bad conection on the tube on a rainyday becase your intena flew off the house roof
i'm am waiting on some last reply i think i'll go drown my self in a glass of water, better yet at your local pool
and then everyone can find my body, and then KAPOW that's when i'll be missed.
i bet i bet..,

current mood: i'msodirtyi'mclean.
current music: hopeless wishing from a cell that it rings....thursday

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10:42 am - funny how people just rember you as an"oh,yhea, you were that person that blah blah"
i hate it when you call a person that you havent talked to in thelongest time, and then when they pick up the other line and , they totally dont know who you are ,and then they do that chessy"ohyhea, hey" just so that they can cover up what they really feel about you. suguar coat everything because deep down they dont like me, dont like me at all..fuck i dont even like me .that's just dirty&completly messed.
i just want someone to talk to insted of my parents is that hard to find... i think it is , it always has been for me.
if i was a male carbon copy of myself phhht i wouldnt give me a chance...would anyone give me a chance to brighten up thier day....HA guess not, not ever...at least not for me. I know how i'm going to die, because in my dreams i have outerbody experiences and i physically see myslef in my mental state dying.. and it sad like my uncle said this christmas" you have no future, so stop crying " i swear on my undiggin grave that i am moving away and never coming back o hate this palce with a burning passion!

current mood: mysocalledlightgoesoutandihide
current music: crazylavalamp &old incubus

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