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Friday, December 27th, 2002
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2:02 pm - *sigh* oh gosh. im so lucky.
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ok. i need to gush somewhere. GAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
someone is falling sort of fast. and that someone is me.
how do i get myself into these messes? least their beautiful messes. positively delightful.
me and ron were on the phone all freakin night last night. and it was utterly amazing. he is so so so wonderful. we have tons in common. ive never had so much in common w/ a guy before. we talked from 11 at night to 6 in the morning. hes on vacation right now. but said he'd rather be here. i wish he was here. he reads my melo. so i cant like.... spue hopeful feelings everywhere. cos ill go too fast then. i need to learn to slow it down. im so going to enjoy this. whatever it is. hah. but also. i feel terrible. so so so terrible. jesyka knew him first. and i started to like him. so i asked her if she likes him. and she told me she has a crush on him. as do i. and i feel almost like im steeling him away from her or something. which is awful. i dont want to do that to my best friend. she called me up crying last night. and i had '*sigh* such a great guy' on my away message. and she gets on. and then calls me and is like 'well, i dont want to keep you, yanno. cos hes such a great guy and all.' and i was really hurt. i felt terrible. i still do. and im just not sure what to do. cos i like ron alot and he likes me alot. 'feelings are mutual' as he said. hah. i miss him already. but jesyka. i feel awful. she said something rather mean too. she was like 'you go ahead and date him. and then you guys will break up. and he'll end up hating me. oh no wait. thats matt.' GAH!!! i love how she has so much faith in my relationships. and that was just uncalled for. plus, matt talks to me. he doesnt talk to her cos they just sort of have apposing veiws on certain things. and jesyka thinks matt neglected her. and matt thinks she pushed him away. and she tried to push me away all the time. so i sorta agree w/ him. arg. me and matt dating way back in the day has nothing to do w/ ron. it seems everyones moved on from that little fiasco. cept jesyka. and even tho these things are the way they are. i refuse to let her push me away. she tries to. all the time. and i think she feels inadequite as a friend. like i choose her last to hang out. when she is one of my best friends. so why would i do that? everytime i invite her to something she cant go. and when she does go. she excludes herself from everyone. and then its my fault she isnt in the group. its so complicated. and i still love her to death. cos its just who she is. which is who i love like my very sister. but i just dotn think she realizes how much she pushes people away. and why she stands there saying she has no friends cos everyone left her. everyone leaves cos they get pushed away. but i refuse. im not giving up on our friendship. and im going to try alot harder to be there for everything. i need to be a better friend. and she needs to stop secluding herself. she doesnt realize how many people genuinely do like her. and love her. maybe i can make her see.
is she going to be mad at me if Ron and i start dating? cos that will be hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.
i like him so so much. you have no idea.
my horoscope was INSANE i tell you. insane!!!!!!!!
Thursday, December 26 2002
scorpio horoscope
Try a fur on Thursday, Brittany!
A possible soulmate appears out of nowhere. You might think that it is love at first sight, if only you hadn't been in this person's sights for some time. A struggle over wrapping up a project could put you at odds with a once-pleasant acquaintance.
possible soulmate out of nowhere!?!
odds w/ pleasant acquaintance?!
(jes is more than an acquaintance. but still)
doooooode. how can you tell me thats not way cool?
anyways. i need to eat 'breakfast'.
bwahahaha.
he makes me so happy. i got butterflies last night. and that just incredibly warm. sunny, amazingly happy feeling.
......
hah. i didnt think it would happen to me again for along time.
i feel so lucky.
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: Saves the Day // sell my old clothes, im off to heaven
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| Saturday, November 30th, 2002
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10:56 pm - blarg.
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.....
whhhy do i ahve another onlinejournal?? this makes like 3 er 4 now. good gosh. maybe it was the inviting yellow color..... maybe ill write in this one... if your lucky. =)
love and other indorr sports,
~Brittany~
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