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mood |
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music |
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"Anything at All" by Tristan Prettyman |
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Well, well, well. It's been an eventful couple of days. I feel bad not being able to write here as often as I would like. It's odd, but half the time I get online I just don't feel like ranting on and on about the same old things. I feel like that sort of thing can be reserved for my thoughts. Anyhow. I'm here now.
Firstly, on Friday, I was asked out on a date. Gaaa! Well, he didn't use those exact terms, but the intent was there, for sure. I think I've mentioned Jose before. He's a nice guy -- as I mentioned before, and running the risk of sounding racist, he's the first mexican that I've been attracted to. I've been keeping the feelings stricktly platonic (as much as humanly possible), however, as with everyone I work with -- or meet, for that matter. My new motto? W.W.T.T (What Would TJ Think -- oh, aren't I witty?) Anyhow, I got to work just as Jose was leaving, but he stayed around and chatted with me while I got my register ready, and asked me, "You have tomorrow off, right?" I found that kind of shady, because I don't remember telling him that, so maybe he looked at my schedule. Interesting. Anyhow, I told him that I was going to spend the day with my grandma (I don't mind sounding lame; after all, there's nobody I should really try to impress at this point). I went up front and he followed me and got himself a soda, and I had a hunch that he was going to ask me if I wanted to hang out. And, indeed, he did. He said something like, "Are you sure you want to hang out with your grandma? You're not going to be spending the whole day with her." I then felt highly awkward, and kind of nodded and wondered to myself what I should do. In all honesty, I'd love to hang out with Jose. As he says, "There's more to California than the beach." But I sort of feel like I'd be asking for trouble with TJ and I. I don't remember exactly what he said then, something about my being sure I didn't want to hang out, and I shook my head rather noncommitally, and he left. Interesting moment. I haven't been "asked out" in who-knows-how-long. And Jose knows about my boyfriend, so I'm not sure if maybe I just read into the whole situation.
Secondly, I got to finally meet my dear friend Wendy! (For the record, this is a testament to the fact that not every person you meet online is creepy and a phony.) Of course we had to meet while I was at work in my absolutely dorkiest costume. Of course it had to be so busy that she had to stand in a long line just to buy a water. But it was enough to be able to see her smile and exchange real words with eachother. She is just as sweet and has just as much spirit as I knew she would have. I was so excited when I saw her, but had to restrain my true giddiness because God-forbid I disturb any of the all-important guests, right? As she left, she said, "We'll meet again!" And I'm sure we will. (We will, Wendy! Now I'm even more determined to take that road trip!) So, it was a good moment.
Thirdly, last night TJ and I had our first real argument. I couldn't believe it, mostly because just the other day we were talking and I mentioned how I can't imagine us ever fighting. Way to jinx a situation, Kerri. The root of the argument was him calling me on Thursday and my not calling him back. He called yesterday morning and left a message sounding utterly frustrated and asking if something was wrong because I didn't call him back. I called him back, and he was seriously frustrated with me, and sounded mad, even. (As mad as TJ can get, which is never rude and yelling.) I almost laughed a few times, not believing that this was such a big deal. I'm not sure why I didn't call him back, but it was never my intent to make him mad. We were both irritated, so I said that he should just call me back that evening. And he did, but it only got worse. He starting drifting from the original problem, and starting going off on my decision on moving here and how he doesn't understand it and doesn't see how he can be a priority in my life, and then he asked about our future and my future plans. I can't set an exact timeline on the next couple years of my life -- I mean, how can I? I don't know what I want to do, let alone when and where! He was making me feel so guilty, like I was doing something wrong. I tried to tell him how I'm at the point in my life where I shouldn't have to think of someone elses happiness as equal or more than my own -- this is the only time in my life where I can do these things that I've always wanted to do. I started to cry. I haven't cried on the phone in a long time, and never with TJ. We started asking eachother what our options were, and for a moment I thought we were going to break up. We decided to cool off again, and he said he'd call me in a half an hour. I immediately phoned my mom (it's times like that when it's unbearable to have her be so far away) and the tears flowed. She calmed me down as she always does, and reassured me that he was acting like this just because he missed me so much, and that we're bound to have days like this when we're so far away from eachother. He called me back, and apologized. He said that the problem never should have gotten out of control like that, and that he was sorry. I apologized, too, and then things were okay, as okay as they could be. After I hung up, I was so emotionally drained. I never saw myself arguing with TJ like that -- but what hurt the most is how he questioned my feelings for him just because I didn't answer one phone call. I didn't understand that there was that much intensity in the situation. Well, anyway, now that's over and done with. Love is strange.
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