|Music:||"Unbreak my heart" by Tony Braxtom|
So let's see... I found out that Wayne only talks to me cause he thinks that there's some problems with me... As in he knows that I'm in some troubles and that I've been hurt and something else I can't remember.. And he asked Tina if she would take me to his place so we can Hang out... As he says.. And he has a girl... Not a girlfriend, but some girl... I don't understand either... Well, after that day he's never called the house again....
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As for my other days it's been great... Went to Atmore track to watch a friend race.. And he won both races... I supposedly get paid for doing so, but I don't keep my fingers crossed for it... I swear it, I've lost so much money doing things that people say they'd pay me for but I ended up not getting any money at all... And even no contact... Welll So much for helping out people... I'm too nice I think.... I did get paid $25 for watching Kristen last week.. Woo Hoo... $25... but i blew it all on getting pictures from Walmart... :(
I'm beginning to think that my family hates me.. I only can take so much.... Tina told me that I need to go and apply for food stamps... But I swear it, if I do I'm not going to be using that food stamp money for her and her kid and that man of hers... And I don't think she likes me anyways.. I try talking to her but it sounds like she'd rather listen to other people than me since she's ignored me for the past 8 times I ask or tell her something... I'm not that important I know, but if it has something to do with your kid you better listen... My grandma shipped me off to nowhere alabama... And when she calls or they call her she doesn't ask about me or does she want to talk to me.. I dont' care I don't need anyone I guess.... I'm just a depressed girl who sits in rooms and doesn't talk to anyone... Or so she says... To say the truth I like to keep to myself.. I've never had a good or real relationship at all... I tend to keep to myself and stay quiet cause really I am shy, until I get to know you.... But I don't like parties cause I ususally think of what people think of me... That's bad I know but gaaaahhh sometimes when you live the life I live it's hard to not think of what others think... even though it's a bad thing, but it's difficult... Ugly, fat, boring, lazy, etc.... Hear it everyday so why not think it everyday... ruins the self esteem... sad but true...
|Subject:||An Ok day....|
|Music:||I can't think of the song title but babyface sings it|
So today's been an ok day.. I guess... First of all, I was supposed to be going to some sort of errands with Christina, but I ended up not going... Well, she sorta said that she was ill... She did got to Aunty Glory's and picked up Briana, but then when she got home she just went and fell asleep on the futon... And then Andrea gets home and what happens, she goes out to eat with Lett and his Uncle... Then Christina gets Andrea to get us something to eat while she was out... So ended up she took about 2 hours to eat and get us food... Matt and Kayla came over and stayed a while and then left... Then we got our food... Mc Donald's and Smokey Bones for me.. lol... What can I say Drea loves her cousin... Well, then after Christina leaves to do a little errand for herself and then that leaves me and Andrea with the kids... Well took Christina about 4 hours to do so... Aunty calls about 10 and then she comes home to drive Bri home and work on some letter for uncle david... Andrea's having a little party with Gloria, Heather,Eric and Carl.... Wayne never called today, or one phone call that I can answer, sorta missed his call... Well then they did some shots, and before Bri left for home Andrea comes home from the liquor store talking about how she almost got into an accident cause a stupid driver pulled into their lane and slowed down real slow.... Well thank goodness they didn't... Otherwise I'd be real upset, too upset to be online... Oh, and I did have a little taste of some alcohol again today... yum... for Smirnoff ice.... BTW I think the reason why Andrea and Christina don't want me to be talking to Wayne is cause he's just like Lett..... :(
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|Music:||"Pieces of Me" by Ashlee Simpson|
So today went the usual... Actually it didn't... First of all.. I woke up today thinking that Cory would call or even ring the doorbell or knock enough to make Zoie wake me up... But no... He had taken Kristen without anyone in the house knowing... So I wake up looked around the house and No Kristen... SO, Dejia decided to come and bug the he!! out of me.. At first it was ok, but then it got to the point where I didn't want to have any girls... LOL.. Well anyways, we spent some time together while her mommy slept the whole day away... blah blah blah... Andrea got a PS2 and Tetris World from Lett.. And we played it all day... I knit.... Ummm... Oh we decided to go out and eat and apparently this Negative balance in the bank thing is real infectious. well I didn't hear from Wayne today... But that's alright... Andrea got pulled over by a State Trooper because her headlights weren't on... And before that she had that negative balance... So we didn't get to eat... So now I'm just sitting here thinking of food while updating....
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Tell me something... Why is it guys only talk when they want to, but when a gal needs someone to talk to they don't call??? Yeah, I know I shouldn't be typing anything mean like this but really... No wonder I stay away from most guys... Just wish the other guys would just get out and find me... lol... j/k
|Music:||"Don't Tell Me" by Avril Lavigne|
well this is my first journal entry, and boy am I excited... Love writing in journals... Especially since this is a computer and on nasty pains in my fingers with all the writing going on... Well since it's my first entry and I usually write about the wrongs and rights and thoughts and stuff in my mind I will...
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Today's Andrea's birthday and what a day... First of all I actually was a little happy cause Wayne had called 3 times to ask how I was, what I was doing, and if I wanted to hang out at his place.. Of course with the new babysitting job, yes I know I'm over 25 and I still babysit but I love kids, I have to watch Kristen till at least Andrea or Cory relieves me of my duties... Well, so I didn't go with him.. And I was real upset cause I was watching Dejia for free... Not that I don't like watching Dejia, but why do I have to spend quality time with Dejia when Christina's home... Mommy and Child need to spend time with each other.. Not to be mean or anything but Dejia can be a bit aggrivating at times... Ok, all the time... As for my love life, I don't have one.. Well unless you consider the Wayne phone thing a relationship one then I do have one... But otherwise I don't have one... I do know that Christina doesn't want me to have a relationship with Wayne... I don't know if it's because she really wants him, or because she works with him, or that he really isn't as he is, or he's scum.. I don't know... But Andrea doesn't even want me to be with him either... but she really doesn't know him very much either... If it were up to me I'd go for Jason.. ha ha ha... In reality though I'd be happy with a horrible relationship so I can actually feel what everyone pours out to me.. The "I'm hurt and horrible cause he's not treating me the way that I want" or the "I wish I was happier with this guy even though he treats me like S***" or even the "I really like this guy but......." All those feelings I've never felt since I've only had ONE real relationship... The others weren't really relationships or even close since they were less than 2 weeks... As for the horrible relationships, some people don't know how it feels to NOT have someone there for you, even if he's one of those, caveman type... I swear it, right now I'd settle for a "give me and then leave me alone" type guy... Just as long as I don't feel like I"m a nobody that matters person.... ok, that's it for now.. Too much info is just too much when it's all on one first entry....