Matt Hardy's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Matt Hardy

[ website | Grab a Dose of Mattitude ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[09 Jul 2003|01:57pm]
I want sex so Im updating, hee. I love Shanny, I love the babies, and yeah thats all I have to say so Im going to go have sex now, bye everybody!
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[18 Jun 2003|10:35am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Shanny snorin like a monster truck. Hee ]

I love Shanny. I love the babies. And I love the other baby too. Hee

Im pathetic, so thats my update for now. I'mma go curl up with Shanny and see if I can relax or something, or cheer Shanny up.

Yeppers, thats my update. So whatever, and for the record, I hate reunions, just had to say that.

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[07 Jun 2003|02:24pm]
[ mood | updatey-ish ]
[ music | Still Shanny being Shannyish ]

Im updateying. See my updatey? Kay. *giggles*

I LOVE SHANNY

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[30 May 2003|10:22pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Beyonce feat. Jay Z - Crazy In Love ]

I love Shanny. Im not feeling good about one certain thing, but yeah thats something that only certain people know and yeah, thats something I dont wanna dwell on right now. The babies are good, theyre good babies, mhm. I love Shanny. Did I say that already? Oh yeah I did. Silly me. :-* Im liking this whole fighting Rey thing for the title. If Id ever give up my belt to anyone, itd be him. Best damn cruiserweight on Smackdown...next to Shanny. But I cant give my belt up to Shanny.

Ive been thinkin bout life and stuff and things. Shane, Shanny, and Randy have been a big help with a lot of things. Yeah so I suppose that Im feeling a little better about certain stuff. Oh and I heard a song on the radio, I love it so Im gonna post it now.

I LOVE SHANNY. Just had to say that again...okies heres the song


Yes!
It's so crazy right now!
Most incredibly, it's ya girl, Bee,
It's ya boy, young.

You ready?
Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no
Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no
Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no
Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no

Yea, history in the making,
Part 2, it's so crazy right now

I look and stare so deep in your eyes,
I touch on you more and more every time,
When you leave I'm begging you not to go,
Call your name two or three times in a row,
Such a funny thing for me to try to explain,
How I'm feeling and my pride is the one to blame.
'Cuz I know I don't understand,
Just how your love can do what no one else can.

Got me looking so crazy right now, your love's
Got me looking so crazy right now (in love)
Got me looking so crazy right now, your touch
Got me looking so crazy right now (your touch)
Got me hoping you'll page me right now, your kiss
Got me hoping you'll save me right now
Looking so crazy in love's,
Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love.

Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no
Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no
Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no
Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no

When I talk to my friends so quietly,
Who he think he is? Look at what you did to me,
Tennis shoes, don't even need to buy a new dress,
If you ain't there ain't nobody else to impress,
The way that you know what I thought I knew,
It's the beat my heart skips when I'm with you,
But I still don't understand,
Just how your love can do what no one else can.

Got me looking so crazy right now, your love's
Got me looking so crazy right now (oh crazy)
Got me looking so crazy right now, your touch (you're in love)
Got me looking so crazy right now (love!)
Got me hoping you'll page me right now, your kiss (hey!)
Got me hoping you'll save me right now
Looking so crazy in love's, (hey)
Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love.

I'm Looking so crazy in love's,
Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love.

Check it, let's go
Young Hov y'all know when the flow is loco,
Young B and the R-O-C, uh oh, (oh)
Ol' G, big homie, the one and only,
Stick bony, but the pocket is fat like Tony, Soprano, (oh no)
The ROC handle like Van Axel,
I shake phoneys man, You can't get next to,
The genuine article I go I do not sing though,
I sling though, If anything I bling yo,

a star like Ringo, roll like things all red
Crazy bring ya whole set,
Jay Z in the range, crazy and deranged,
They can't figure them out they like hey is he insane, (oh no)
Yes sir I'm cut from a different cloth,
My texture is the best fur, of chinchilla.
(Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no)
Been dealing with chain smokers,
But how you think I got the name Hova?
(Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no)
I been realer the game's over,
(Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no)
Fall back young, ever since the label changed over
(Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no)
to platinum the game's been wrap, One!

Got me looking, so crazy, my baby
I'm not myself, lately I'm foolish, I don't do this,
I've been playing myself, baby I don't care
'Cuz your love's got the best of me,
And baby you're making a fool of me,
You got me sprung and I don't care who sees,
'Cuz baby you got me, you got me, so crazy baby
HEY!

Got me looking so crazy right now, your love's (oh love)
Got me looking so crazy right now (lookin' crazy)
Got me looking so crazy right now, your touch
Got me looking so crazy right now
Got me hoping you'll page me right now, your kiss (baby)
Got me hoping you'll save me right now (baby)
Looking so crazy in love's, (whoa!)
Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love. (whoa!)

Got me looking so crazy right now, your love's
Got me looking so crazy right now (your love)
Got me looking so crazy right now, your touch
Got me looking so crazy right now (your touch)
Got me hoping you'll page me right now, your kiss
Got me hoping you'll save me right now
Looking so crazy in love's,
Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love.

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[22 May 2003|12:33pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Randy talking and things ]

This is my post. Now Im gonna continue to bug the newly crowned Uncle Randy Orton and let him see the babies then go home to Shanny and stuff. And thank you both, Adam and Jay, for the wedding present. Its wonderful. *smiles*

And...Im amused right now. *chuckles* Very amused. Bad Matthew. Bad bad bad.

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[15 May 2003|12:49am]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | Christina Aguilera - Lovin Me 4 Me ]

Well honestly, thank ya Shane. You were right there, in the end, blood means nothing related wise, in the end, blood is just blood. So yeah, I feel better about a lot of things now. Again, thank you Shaney

4 comments|post comment

[14 May 2003|08:59am]
[ mood | cynical ]
[ music | Michelle Branch - Are You Happy Now ]

I didnt sleep. Me, sleep, nope. Why didnt I sleep? Cause my fucking brain wouldnt shut the fuck down so I could get some damn rest. But besides that, yesterday was a not so fun day of life. It was...a really crappy shitty fucked up day of life. And what has gotten under Matt Hardy's skin this time? Life. Just life. Life and people. People? Yes people. What kind of people? Just people. Not all people, just certain ones.

So yeah, yesterday, not a good day. Today, not looking much better. Tomorrow, good lord, dont ask me to think that much. So Im just gonna cuddle with Shanny, keep being really really out of it and down and shit, and wonder why the hell Im even stressing over it.

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[13 May 2003|01:47pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | Hit The Floor - Linkin Park ]

There are just
Too many times when people have tried to look inside of me
Wonderin what I think of you, and I protect you out of courtesy
Too many times that I’ve held on when I needed to push away.
Afraid to say what was on my mind
Afraid to say what I need to say
Too many things you’ve said about me when I’m not around
You think havin the upper hand means you gotta keep puttin me down?
But I’ve had too many standoffs with you
Its about as much as I can stand
So I’m waitin until the upper hand is mine.

One minute you’re on top
Next you’re not watch you drop
Makin your heart stop
Just before you hit the floor
One minute you’re on top
Next you’re not missed your shot
Makin your heart stop
You think you’ve won
And then its all gone

So many people like me put so much trust in your lies
So concerned with what you think to just say what we feel inside
So many people like me walk on eggshells all day long
All I know is that all I want is to feel like I’m not stepped on
There are so many things you say that make me feel you’ve crossed the line
What goes up will surely fall and I’m countin down the time
Cause I’ve had so many standoffs with you
Its about as much as I can stand
So I’m waitin until the upper hand is mine.

One minute you’re on top
Next you’re not watch you drop
Makin your heart stop
Just before you hit the floor
One minute you’re on top
Next you’re not missed your shot
Makin your heart stop
You think you’ve won
And then its all gone

And then its all gone
And then its all gone
And then its all gone
Now its all gone

I know Ill never trust a single thing you say
You knew your lies would divide us but you lied anyway
And all the lies have got you floating up above us all
But what goes up has got to fall

One minute you’re on top
Next you’re not watch you drop
Makin your heart stop
Just before you hit the floor
One minute you’re on top
Next you’re not missed your shot
Makin your heart stop
You think you’ve won
And then its all gone

And then its all gone
And then its all gone
And then its all gone
Now its all gone.

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[12 May 2003|12:44pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Phil Collins - You'll Be In My Heart ]

Yesterday was...reminiscent..nostalgic..good..and bad...just a lot of things I guess. Every year I go alone to visit my momma on Mothers Day. This year, I wasnt sure if I could...I couldnt bring myself to go...had to talk to myself for a couple of hours, then gather the energy to just...see her. I never used to share visits like that. Sacred and locked up and all, but I ended up sharing it. I bought some roses and I asked Adam if hed like to come with me to see momma. He agreed and told me that I should buy a white rose, the red ones symbolizing her life and the white one symbolizing her death or something like that. So I hobbled across the street on those cursed crutches and bought a beautiful white rose and we walked to the cemetary.

I cant explain the feeling I get just looking at the grave...looking at the tombstone. Its like...a crash to the ground for me. But...its something I love to do...I love to visit her. I squatted down and laid the white rose down and Adam laid down the dozen red ones. *smiles* Adam talked some to my momma...and then I did. I cried...its always hard to talk to her...wishing shed talk back to me. Adam stood behind me and rubbed my shoulders, a sense of comfort to me, knowing I wasnt alone. Thats what I liked about sharing this visit, for the first Mothers Day..someone could comfort me as I talked to her.

I told her about my friends, whats going on in my life, how sometimes I feel like Ive let her down. Adam told me I havent let her down, I just need to give things time to rebuild. I took off my necklace and laid it next to the roses. Ive always clung onto her...part of me has always taken her and not let her go...not let her death be. I had to let that part of me go...I had to let that little boy grow up. Then I thought about it..and I didnt want something that my momma gave me to just sit and...just be there forever. So I picked up the necklace and gave it to Adam. I know he'll take great care of it, and it felt right.

Then I asked Adam if he could tell me a story like momma used to. He sat by me, and he told me a story. He opened up to me about something, and it felt really good. I just...I cant explain it. Just knowing that he felt he could tell me, made me feel really good inside. Then we just laid down and watched the stars, they are beautiful and peaceful, I watch the stars a lot. Afterward, I could tell Adam needed some time alone and I nodded and left.

So, in a way, sharing Mothers Day, was a good way to make me feel better about it all. Not to mention falling asleep holding Shannon. Hes so beautiful and peaceful. His lips curve into a smile when I hold him tighter. He just snuggles against me. Hes like a little angel in my arms. Sometimes I just watch him sleep, sometimes I dont sleep, I just get too entranced in watching him, that I forget I should be dozing off as well. I slept a little last night, but with thoughts in my head, and Shannon in my arms, it made for two very nice distractions, although sleep is good too. So now I should end this update and go off and make some more icons, take some more pills, and wait for Shannon to wake up.

1 comment|post comment

[09 May 2003|11:11pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Shanny talkin to me ]

I...dont like hospitals. See...cause...potatoes. God I cant keep one thought in my head. As long as I dont cough up blood...Ill be okay...oranges. Fuck. My head hurts...I think I need some painkillers.

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[09 May 2003|05:10pm]
[ mood | silly ]
[ music | Lisa Marie Presley - Lights Out ]

And in sheeplike form, just a post to show off a new icon. *giggles*

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[09 May 2003|01:28pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]
[ music | Kelly Clarkson - Miss Independent ]

So yeah. Topic of discussion of last night was not a good subject to talk about. Well at least 2 people know about my freaky insight...now its me and JD...Ill talk to everyone later or something like that.

And Shane, thanks for listening to me last night. Means a lot.

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[08 May 2003|11:52am]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | Jason Mraz - The Remedy ]

And...now I have the worst hangover in the history of hangovers. But...yeah. For some reason, after watching VH1, I cant get this damn song out of my head so, might as well post it. And...if anyone has any painkillers, advil, or a really big bat, can you give it to me? My head hurts.

I saw fireworks from the freeway
And behind closed eyes I cannot make them go away
Cause you were born on the fourth of July
Freedom ring
Now something on the surface it stings

That something on the surface it kind of makes me nervous
Who says that you deserve this?
And what kind of god would serve this?
We will cure this dirty old disease
If you've got the poison I've got the remedy

The remedy is the experience.
It is a dangerous liaison
I say the comedy is that its serious.
Which is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how youre gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I wont worry my life away.
I wont worry my life away.

I heard two men talking on the radio in a cross fire kind of new reality show
Uncovering the ways to plan the next big attack
They were counting down the days to stab the brother in the
Be right back after this
The unavoidable kiss
Where the minty fresh death breath is sure to outlast this catastrophy
Dance with me
Because if you've got the poison, I've got the remedy

The remedy is the experience.
It is a dangerous liaison
I say the comedy is that its serious.
Which is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how youre gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I wont worry my life away.
I wont worry my life away.

When I fall in love I take my time
There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind
You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine and I'll tell you why

Because the remedy is the experience.
It is a dangerous liaison
I say the comedy is that its serious.
Which is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I wont worry my life away.
I wont worry my life away.
I wont and I wont and I won't
I wont worry my life away
I wont worry my life
I wont I wont worry my life away
I wont and I wont and I wont
Worry my life away
I wont I wont I wont
I wont worry my life away

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[08 May 2003|12:49am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | All American Rejects - Swing Swing ]

Im drunk. Im tired. Im bored. Im fucked up. Im lonely. Go fucking me. Whoo fucking hoo. Matt Hardy is dead. A new rebirth is in order. A new beginning, a new man for a new age and time in the life of a man whos years well spent crying rivers after rivers. Im done crying. Im done caring. Im done showing anything anymore that remotely signifies utter weakness on my part. Could be the Jack Daniels talking but who the hell knows. 15 of those can knock a man silly. But when you have Mattitude, its a bit better now isnt it? So yeah, tons of fun today was. Whatever. I should make some icons, pass out, wake up tomorrow morning and something. So I guess thats what I gotta do now isnt it? Fucking fucked up all to fucking hell and I dont give a flying fuck.

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[06 May 2003|06:18pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Pearl Jam - Nothing As It Seems ]

I had a nice conversation last night...and..thanks for listening Adam. You helped a lot.

*sighs* Yeah, so I was thinking a lot today. Me thinking is good, well, sometimes. At least I can get things sorted out and everything. Theres a lot that I needed sorted out, and most of it is...I just need to...I dont know...fix myself.

One thing I really didnt know that I truly missed up until the fact that me and Shannon we're getting remarried, was family. I remember as a kid...as early as I can remember...me and Momma had this undeniable connection. On rainy days, wed just sit outside in the rain. She wasnt one for bein wary of things like that. Shed get messy, but she was always classy. Wed just sit in the rain and listen to it pitter down on the house. Wed talk for hours, even about stupid things. I miss that a lot. I havent had that connection with anyone. She was extremely special, an inspiration. I wish...that she could be here to see the wedding...be here to see me...I know shes watching over me..but I wish I could see her too. Even if for one moment..only one second...itd be all I need to be okay...and know that she truly is with me. I miss Daddy too...me and him, up till the week or two before he died...were very close. I miss them both...and this wedding...its gonna be wonderful...but I guess...I dont know...theres a lot of feelings about it.

My relationships with women has been weird. Friendly but weird. I dont know...since momma died...things havent been the same. I dont know, its weird. The first girl that I got really close after Momma died, was to Amy. Of course she can be spacy and weird sometimes, but she still has been a real part of my life. She was there for a lot of my bad and good times. She truly is a great person, a little weird at times, but a great person.
Its not that I didnt trust girls, but mainly, it was weird for me to get close to them. And with Amy, it was like having someone just like me, just not the same gender.

With Amy, I dont know, I can be weird and freaky and just show another side of myself. I can be just loud and weird and bouncy and just odd. Then again, I can cry, I can be me. Shes the first real friend that was a girl that I had. We shared similar interests, Pearl Jam, wrestling, and it was because of that that we clicked in the first place. Regardless of anything, Amy has, and always will be, one of my best friends.

Terry...hes just...I dont know how to explain it. He knows exactly what Im going through . I guess..I never really got a chance to grieve about my mother. It was just...that she died...and that I had a little brother I needed to help...so I did that. I never really took the time to work through all of that within myself. So...now...16 years later...Im still having afteraffects about my moms death. Its nice to have someone to talk about this with.

And...I dont know what to really say about Shannon. Hes just always been there. Even when we were little, of course I was older so he was the little one but, even then hed always try to help me out here and there. Whether it was setting up the ring for our little weekend tapings, or just talking to me. Of course...he was young...so a lot of the things I was having problems with, he wouldnt understand, but he still tried to help. Just little things like that, really made a lot of what I was going through that much easier. He never left my side. He never gave up on me. He honestly...only hurt me one time in my life. Only once. But every other minute of his devotion, just made that one time seem like nothing. And Ill never look back on it. Im looking to the future with him, a future I know that Ill revel and bask in.

Maybe one day I can look back on this...and just laugh. Maybe not. But all I know is...that I need help. I truly, need help. Help for what I wrote about, and just help with everything. Theres so many aspects of me that I dont let people see, because Im weak enough visibly, I dont need to seem weaker in the eyes of everyone. But...I dont know. I guess Im just gonna stop typing here and just...think some more. Its a plan.

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[03 May 2003|11:01am]
[ mood | silly ]
[ music | John Mayer - Your Body Is A Wonderland (this song makes me think about sex. Hee!) ]

So lets see, Im getting married, I got my best men, yes men, Im sooooooo greedy, so I have 3! *giggles* Adam, JayJay, Terry, you guys are the best. MUAH! Ooh and Shaney has to be fit in the wedding somehow...ooh he could be one of Shannys best men. Must discuss that with the bride later. *snickers* Aww but Shanny isnt a bride...well...hee...Letsseeificangethimtowearadress And...god do I say this like enough? Thank you Addy. Thank you JayJay. Thank you Terry. I should just tape record me saying thank you and play it when I wanna say it. And...Im wearin the necklace...*smiles*...and it sorta does help. Thanks Addy.

Ooh and everyone is invited to the wedding thingamajigger. So everyone, feel free to come and stuff. And Addy...you are still very evil. I shall now have to be forced to buy a parachute and parachute my ass into one of those seats in your wedding cause you wont lemme get in the easy way. You just wanna see Double O Mattitude fall on his ass again. *pouts* Meanie.

And now I must go watch Shanny sleep, that and ask Amy if she knows any good decoraters/caterers. Theres waaaaay too much to do. Anyone wanna help...feel free to tell me! Bad procrastinating Matty, bad. Hee.

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[02 May 2003|07:03pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Kelly Clarkson - Before Your Love ]

Shanny...wear a tux tonight...and...well...yeah. *smiles widely* JayJay, thanks for the talk, as always. *hugs* And Adam, if ya need to talk to me, Im around for like...the rest of forever so...give me a holler or somethin. And Im NOT ROMANTIC AMY! So...umm..there. *giggles* And...a song...for someone special

I wonder how I ever made it through a day
How did I settle for a world in shades of gray
When you go in circles all the scenery looks the same
And you dont know why...
Then I looked into your eyes
And with the world stretched out in front of me
I realized

I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again
I wasnt really living
I never lived before your love

I wanted more than just an ordinary life
All of my dreams seemed like castles in the sky
I stand before you and my heart is in your hands
And I dont know how
I survived without your kiss
Cause youve given me a reason to exist

I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again
I wasnt really living
I never lived before your love

I never lived before your love

And I dont know why
Why the sun decides to shine
But youve breathed your love into me
Just in time

I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again
I wasnt really living
I never lived before your love

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[02 May 2003|04:35pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Whitney Houston - Savin All My Love For You ]

And.................

IM ALIVE. Go me.

Shanny, I love you. *kisses* And now I must go get everything ready for my special surprise.

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*insert clever thing here* [25 Apr 2003|10:41am]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | Matchbox 20 - Could I Be You ]

Last night was probably one of the most full on, stress free, just problem free nights ever. Thank you Gregory, honest to god, thank you for everything. And now, I wouldnt be me without leaving everyone with a nice lil diddy that I think suits my taste in music. So, here ya go. Song and matching icon. What will they think of next? Ah well, now I gotta go flop back in bed and try to wake Shan's ass up.

Somethin is wrong
With some of us
That I cant seem
To erase.

How can I be
The only one
Without a smile
On my face?

Well now,
Youre laughin out loud
At just the thought of
Bein alive
And I was wonderin
Could I just be you tonight?

You show your pain
Like it really hurts
And I cant even
Start to feel mine

Im standin in place
With my head turned
And I shake, I shake
And I see your progress
Stretch on for miles
And miles

Youre laughin out loud
At just the thought of
Bein alive
And I was wonderin
Could I just be you tonight?

This the sound that I make
These are the words I chose
Somehow the right thing to say
Just wont come out.
Just wont come out.

And youre laughin out loud
At the thought of bein alive
And I was wonderin
Could I just be you tonight?

Yeah I was wonderin
Could I just be you tonight?

Na na na na na na na na na na na
Yeah I was wonderin
Na na na na na na na na na na na
And I was wonderin
Na na na na na na na na na na na
Yeah yeah, and I was wonderin
I was wonderin
Ah yeah.

4 comments|post comment

[23 Apr 2003|09:26pm]
[ mood | silly ]
[ music | The Used - Buried Myself Alive ]

Playing in the mud in the Imagi-nation is quite...fun. *chuckles* Im all messy and so is Jeff. But our skin is soft, that mud does wonders. And Mud Angels, definitely fun. I think I should get cleaned now. Im all diiiirrrrrty. Alrighty then. Get cleaned, play more in the mud, tuck Jeff in and read him Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Its a plan.

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