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stars shine brightly in the midnight sky

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[22 Apr 2004|10:26pm]
Okay I've just removed loads of people off my friends list. If you want to be readded say so.

I'm going to be removing more as I dont think anyone reads this anymore.

Let me know if you actually dont want to be removed.
4 have crushed my wings | |stamp on me|

[07 Feb 2004|10:33pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | Goo goo dolls - Acoustic #3 ]

Goo Goo Dolls - Acoustic #3

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way

What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
'Cause she's got nowhere to go And she wonders where these dreams go
'Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway
And you know I see right through you
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screamin'
You're not listening anyway


This is an amazing song, if you've not heard it you should, the lyrics, the vocals, the instrumental - it's all great.

2 have crushed my wings | |stamp on me|

[25 Dec 2003|10:31pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | The Cure - Boys Dont Cry ]

Hey i'm new here!
what a really cool community.
um well i was wondering if someone could help me out.

what i'm looking for:
a song or poem or something about a friend who has stopped you from doing something really dumb without them even realising it and you just being grateful
or basically any lyrics about are thanking a friend and telling them that they mean a lot to you.


thank you sooooo much

*mwah*

6 have crushed my wings | |stamp on me|

[15 Oct 2003|07:35pm]
[ music | Train- Drops of Jupiter ]

I havent updated in a while, i've jsut been really busy. it's the october week which means we're off school and therefore i'm out everynight.
Thursday night i was up at Murdochs, Fri night i went to see Cabin Fever (it was pretty shit), Sat it was greers berftee, we all went out adn got smashed (i drank 1/2 litre of vodka =S ) i also told more or less everyone that i like Greig *hits head off a wall*, Sun night i went up to Luccis with greer and Rad Jane adn then we stayed at janes, Monday i wasnt allowed out, Tues night i went to this small tea house and listened to live music and just kidna wandered about the streets *woo hoo* and tonight everyone was spose to be going out but now i dunno wats happening. I might not go out cos i'm feeling really down. I'm fighting with my mum all the time, she says i have to start paying rent or move out. i hate her some days.
I got my hair cut today, at first i realy hated it, and then i quite liked it and now i'm just not sure.

I feel really trapped right now, like i want to cry but i cant. I just feel really low.

I'm beginning to hate this journal.

3 have crushed my wings | |stamp on me|

[06 Oct 2003|08:08pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

heylooo alll, where have i been yoo might be asking (probably not but OH WELL), well my mums boyfriend mark disconnected the internet cos i had Kazza on it. It=a shitter but all is coool not (well it's not cos i dont have Kazza but meh *shrugs*) So what have i been up to?

Well Wed was Murdoch berftee, she lurved her pressie *beams* which was tresss good. After school on Wed we went for Costa where we had cake with candles and we sang and there were ballons and all was merry (i even ate some cake) I then went home and....oh yeh went to bed sooooo early (7.30pm i mean wtf??) to avoid all the arguing, it was all my fault apparently but you know what I DONT FUCKING CARE. So yeh my mum and Mark had a huge argument but i decided to sleep through it *thumbs up*

I then had the dentist on Thurs morn, so i got to sleep in til 8am (12 and a half hours sleeppp Quality) I went to the dentist and she said my teeth were great. i was really worried that she was going to say they were rotting away or soemthing (due to the vomiting) but she didnt so =D

Friday then came and it was time for BIFFY CLYRO!!!! Yusssss. it was an amazing night, i like ran home from school practically and had a shower adn dryed my hair and then withing 40 MINUTES i was out of the house again as i had to go meet Greer, Murdoch and Lily, we all then went up to Nadz hoose (clutching a bottle of vodka for me and Lily and Lambrini for the rest of them.I was on the hard stuff lads LOL) We got beautified at nads house. ghd are soooo amazing, my hair was loooking tooooo good, all sraight and silky, adn i was wearing my converses and a little black skirt with white poka dots on it and a white t-shirt and then i took with me a thin black zip up cos it was kinda cold.
We go to the gig (accompanied by Amy B and Rebecca who we met along the way) and we get there and we all jsut go wild!!!! It was madness, we all kidna just split up in the crowd but none of us cared, we were all just so taken in by the band, they are soooo good live. And on several occasions a crowd surfer landed on my head whihc hurt like fuck and i've got soooo many bruises but it was all worth it. Phwor! LOL
Oh yeh adn it was sooo hot and they were passing out water, and people were throwing beer adn water adn i was totally socked adn then the mad bouncer people were spraying water to coool everyone down cos it was so hot and at the time i was sooo pleased but at the end of the nihgt i realised my make up was half way down my face, my hair was curly adn my WHITE t-shirt was SEE-THROUGH!!!!!! lol. meh.

When we got outside it was sooooo cold i was shaking soooo much and i was really hating the fact that i had only taking a thin zip up but oh well what could i do? SO we go back to the west end at about midnight and we meet up with Roise, robin, lucci, sean, jane, alan, kerrie (wtf!), ian (it was his berftee), danny GREIG and sooooo many other people. I sold Danny my fags (they were only Mayfair *blech* but he seemed happy enough) and he gave me some cider (the vodka had worn off by this point) adn we jsut kinda fannyed about for a bit and then I was shaking so much Lucci become really worried about me and gave me his jumper (i'm wearing it right now actually yay) It is the cossies thing ever!!!! *smiles*
However Sean then goes to me, 'Did you wear that to the gig' in this pure disgusted tone adn i was like 'yeh, well apart from the jumper' it was nearly covering my skirt lol and he was soooo nasty, he goes to me 'Would it not be more appropriate if you stood on a street corner' i was so upset i just went 'Fuck off sean' and walked away i was sooo scared i was gonna end up crying but i didnt *go me*
And then to top off that Greig and me totally didnt talk. it was soooo rough and i was just like 'i want to die now....' Grrrr I wish he had talked to me....i wish i knew where i stand with him Oh well.

Me Nads greer and murdoch then went back to nads hoose where i muched due to ma wee depression session over Greig (see what this lad is doing to me!?!) and then i was sooooo sleepy so i just fell sound asleep lol.
On sat morning we all just kinda fannied about Nadias hoose and then at about 1.30pm me greer adn murdoch headed home, it took me like an hour!! (it normally only takes 15-20mins) cos we stopped in soooo many shops looking for each of our perfect hang over snacks. I didnt find anything that really hit the spot.

And then on Sat night i was just sooo bloody sleepy, i couldnt even think about going out so i stayed in adn watched Charmed, then CSI and then LAw and Order:Special Victims Unit, and then LAw and Order!!!! I went to sleep about midnight and woke up at 1pm on sunday!!! 13hours sleep, sweet.

However last night i couldnt sleep cos i slept so mcuh the night before but meh.

School was a shitter today but oh well i've only got to the end of thurdsay adn then i'm not in school til the 20th Oct (thank god for inservice days adn the october week!!)

Many a partay is planned!!LOL

well got to dash. xxx

2 have crushed my wings | |stamp on me|

[06 Aug 2003|10:58pm]
[ mood | fat ]
[ music | cry me a river ]

For my berfday i got lots of purty things for my berfday, i got a necklace and a ring and a braclet and a really cool bag and and some hair stuff and loads and loads of money Hee Hee Hee Oh and wonderful Greerio got me a bottle of wine (which was drunkenly given away to the ppl next door as a 'house warming presant' however it was nearly empty =S) and she also got me fab socks (which i wore and got mucky). And i think she paid for the cake, but McBride may have paid for some of that too. And Danny got me a BOUNCY BALL!!!! i was tres chuffed in my drunkeness and kept saying 'it take me back to my childhood days' :P
and Talya got me a bunch of flowers (which i forgot at McBrides =S ) and a cd and a little message thing *grately appreciated*
And Robin got me a really cute bag with sweeties in it and an Eels album *beams* and with some good french chocolate.
And Megs got me the fabbest lipgloss ever it bubble gum on one end and cherry on the other. i keep going around giving ppl 'bubblegum kisses' *gives you all bubblegum kisses* It smeells sooooo good, she also got me some make up brushes and some fab socks from the childrens department of H&M!!!! BRILLIANT. they're like rugby socks and are balck and white stripped and everything *thumbs up* Oh yeh and also some hair clips. tres Purty.
Yeh so i had a nice day-before-berfday!!!!! LOL Oh and Murduch called me and all was good.
LOL oh yeh and in my drunkenness i called Lucci for kicks. but like twice and each time i called i woke him up (hes in england right now, and so wasnt presant at the party) Oh yeh and i also got a joint and a bottle of archers. sweet.

So what have i been up to since then. well i've been into town lads. Hanging with the gang and all that. OMG guess what i bought!!!! 80s style blue stiletos!!!! they are sooo fab, if not alil difficult to walk in LOL

And guess what!!! Rosita Murray came back from France today!!!! So i ventured up to her house for a short while where we chatted. carla was also presant. they were both drunk LOL. and then the rest of the gang arrived. it was nice. I then had to leave and come home cos i needed to pack as i'm going away 2moro morning. I'm going to england for a wedding. Fun. Not.

Missing Murdoch sooooooo much i want her to get her ass back from Spain (?) right now!!!!!!!! i miss her banter *sniff*

well i should be off cos this is quite long and doesnt really contain anything interesing. so bye bye xxx

oh and wish me good luck cos i'm flying with EasyJet....*looks worried*

Oh yeh and it's been tres hot lately, it's gonna be even hotter in England....*is unsure about whether this is goos or not*

And i think i have put on weight. time for a loooooooooooonnnng work out me thinks.

bye.

6 have crushed my wings | |stamp on me|

[25 Jul 2003|07:23pm]
[ mood | rushed ]
[ music | Up and Go ]

yes so today i went into town with Sarah (or the Murodch variety. we had loads of fun. we got really giggly after eating all these energy tablet thingys.LOL.

we then realised that we hadnt eaten that day and so we bought chips and chesse *shudders* they were soooooo rank *throws up*

i called Lucci and he said me and Saz (murdoch) could go up to his house later but then it got all cancelled due to the fact that they're now going up to Danny's and he lives in the South Side so now i have no real plans. i'm meeting Sarah (of the McBride variety)Greerio and Nadia at like 8 o'clock and it's already 19.23.....yeh so i should probably go. PAH i bet we dont even do anything interesting.

oh yeh i forgot to tell you all this the other day- i got a skirt for £1 i was like 'WOW' cos i mean that is as cheap as chips *has turned into an old lady*

yeh well i should go as i'm going to be late.

2 have crushed my wings | |stamp on me|

Rosie's stewpidness [01 Jun 2003|07:52pm]
[ music | sister hazel- champagne high ]

Rosies stewpidness has caused major problems pour moi.

right in front of everyone she went- "is it true you only weigh 5stone?" at this point everyone turned round to see what my answer would be. you see my weight has been a hot topic of discussion for everyone (obviously not to me, but behind my back) as everyone tries to work out if i have an eating disorder but without having to ask me. so this was clearly a perfect oppertunity for them to find out.
so i go "what? where did you get that idea? *laughs a little*" she was like "i dont know, i just woke up this morning with a killer hang over and i was like - 'nikki only weighs 5stone' i just wanted to know if it was true or not"
so i go "no obviously i dont" (please not that i dont) and she goes "so how much do you weigh" and i go "inbetween 6 and 7" various ppl then have a sharp intake of breathe as due to the fact that i am quite tall it is too light and they know that.
she then asked me if i still have my periods and what not and i just go "what is this- 20questions?" and change the subject.

i dont think i handled it too well cos when we got back to Robins house (and everyone else had left) Robin started asking questions, at this point i became very intrested in a tres old magazine and go "man would you ever where that" and Robin being a smart gurl goes "are you trying to change the subject?" i insisted that i wasnt but i was really tired. she says it's okay and i try to go to sleep but when ever i close my eyes i can see rope which has been dumped in pile and in the gaps there are these eyes all staring at me. it was really frightening :(

meep.

7 have crushed my wings | |stamp on me|

[07 Jan 2003|08:03pm]
[ mood | angry ]
[ music | garbage- crush ]

all about moi-

i am a fallen star. the one that you dont even notice that it's gone. i am the star that burns but does not shine. never shinning like the other stars in the sky.


however i'm gonna keep wishing....



I want to walk in the snow
And not leave a footprint
I want to walk in the snow
And not soil its purity


some days i feel like i am about to fall apart and i just dont know what to do...

she shines
in a world full of ugliness
she matters when everything is meaningless

fragile
she doesn't see her beauty
she tries to get away
sometimes
it's just that nothing seems worth saving
I can't watch her slip away


---well my name is nikki and i am more or less a nice person. i have a lot of personal troubles which can make my life hard but instead of facing them i turn away and hide. never allowing my self the chance to see if i could face them.

---i have big trust 'issues' (i hate that word it jst sounds like an excuse but i spose it is.) and so i never really let ppl see whats going on inside my head. i realise that this is a problem cos it stops me from making really good friends who will stick by me no matter what.

---i have had a lot of relationship problems in the past which i think contributes greatly to how i see the world. i am genrally quite cautious as i always feel that if i'm having a gd time then bad stuffs going to happen as well.

---i have an obsession with perfection which can get in the way of a lot of things, such as friends, family life and course work deadlines.

---i have very strong opinions on a lot of issues.

---i suffer from panic attacks. i also used to cut but i'm okay now.

~*i feel like i've said too much.*~

this may end up being a friends only journal- if you want to be added ask leave a comment and i may add you back.
*hugs and kisses*




me xXx

i dont know where i'm going anymore....


meh i figured i'd create a new journal as too many ppl who know me read my other ones. i would write boring facts bout myself but i cant be bothered- if you wanna know then ask. however i am under 18- yus thats right i lied- what you gonna do about it *ahem*
right now i'm doing prelims at school. so stressful. i shud be revising jst now but i'm tlking to euan and he's jst such a sweetie (no i dont like him) i've got my biology exam tomorrow. norevision has been done. the strange thing is i'm not that bothered. i mena i know it;s important and that but i just dont care....*thinks* i think i'm going to work on my upset face for when i see my results. pah i cant be bothered
GRRRR today during the computing exam today sarah fucking munn was humming avril fucking sk8r Boi *scream* over and over again. i thought i was gonna fucking hit her. *deep breathes*
well i figure i'm gonna go and study now.
22 have crushed my wings | |stamp on me|

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