Bebe K's Journal
I had an ok day at school. I got there, chatted a little in the lunchroom and then headed to 1st Block where I dropped my stuff off and went to hang out with Winter and Matt. So I turn around and see Brandon and wave. But he doesn't wave back. Maybe he didn't see me? Who knows? But Winter told Matt to ask Brandon something but they wouldn't tell me what it was. WTF Anyways, first block was over and done with and I headed to second. We got to sit whereever we wanted and we were taking this practice test and Slone was all like "Katie, Brianna, Levi: be quiet." So we were. I started coughing and Levi was like, "Scuse you." And Slone told me to move up to the front and I said, "Why?" And he said I had been talking. WTF...So I said, "No I wasn't." And I grabbed my stuff and moved to the front of the room and he said, "That is one d-hall." And I was like, "I didn't do anything!" And he said, "If I hear another peep out of you, that'll be 2 d-halls. Now sit your butt down." And I was like, "Whatever." And I left for the office. I talked to Mr. Adams about it and he said he would handle it. So third block we went over the concert and 4th was boring because we started talking about the whole discrimination/abercrombie and bitch thing on 60 minutes. We were supposed to be on WW2 but nooooooo. Swim practice was cancelled and I went home. Brandon isn't talking to me and I don't know why. What the hell? What did I do now? But, hey, I am not going to let anything get me down. I AM STRONG GRRRRRRRR
Current mood: chipper.
Current music: NIN Live.
I like Brandon.
There, I said it. Are you happy now?
Current mood: relaxed.
Current music: Head Like A Hole- NIN.
I was just sitting in Chorus today and I just started crying. I don't even know why. I was trying so hard to figure it out through the rest of 3rd and 4th and swim practice and now I finally figured it out. Mood swings, intense feelings of loneliness....What else could it be? I still miss Jody. And truthfully, I think I will always miss him. I have not gotten over his death and I just can't push myself forward. It is like I am walking down a hallway, and everyone is moving super fast, but I am in slow motion, still wondering where my Jody has went. But the strange thing is....is that when I am with...you know...it feels like that weight has been lifted off of me. he makes me laugh and smile and makes me feel great. Like I could take on the whole world. But then, when the day is done and all things are said and he has gotten offline, I am alone again. I miss Jody. I lack a real relationship. I want to tell people how I feel. And starting tomorrow, I am going to do that.
But the one person I am worried about-----what will he think?
Current mood: gloomy.
Current music: Hurt-NIN.
So...yeah, I had a great time with Brandon and I dunno. I was smiling the entire time and he did this thing that I named "the Bunny Dance." We also chewed on his tie for a while. It was pretty cool.
Now to be all girly and such-
I had the greatest greatest greatest time with Brandon and I don't think he knows how happy I was with him tonight. I like being around him...a lot hint hint. But I don't want to be all like, "I like you, Brandon." And he not like me back..in that way..you all get the point hint hint. (Oh by the way, the whole "hint hint" thing is Sara Beth talking to me in the background.) Yeah, I do like him and I want to get to know him better. I told him what I wanted for Christmas tonight so he would dance with me again. But I lied. There are a lot of things I want, but it is stuff I can't have and this should be a new paragraph but I am going to keep writing here.
We are all over at Natty's...like 13. I think her mom got pissed when everyone was here. Speaking of all over people: Billy and Megan were and it was gross. It is like "Let's save some room for Jesus." LOL
Anyways, goodnight journal....and Brandon.
Current mood: ecstatic.
Current music: Sin- NIN.
I am SUPER excited about the Winter Ball! I dunno if Brandon is or not. I dunno if he even wants to go with me or not. Yeah, we are just friends, and even if I liked him, why wouldn't he want to go? I mean, we've been friends for a long time, he makes me laugh, I poke fun at him. Good stuff.
WHAT TO DO WITH MY HAIR!
WHAT TO DO ABOUT ACESSORIES!!!!!
Oh damn damn damn (16 x 2 = 32 sprints....haha swim team joke-for every curse word times it by two and that is how many sprints you have to swim)
Swim team results-
North Hardin 4th Place
Fort Knox 3rd
Holy Cross 2nd
Meade Co. 1st
North Hardin 4th
Fort Knox 3rd
Meade Co. 2nd
Holy Cross 1st
Current mood: melodic.
Current music: Queen of the Damned Soundtrack.
I think I am gonna give Brandon that poster if I get it. I am not sure though. I think he might like it more thanI would. And it'll be my 6th good deed for the month. I like Brandon. He is nice.
Cat makes me smile too. I am glad we are buddies.
Anyways, back to the whole signed thing. I have to wait before my sister comes home so I can use her EBAY account. It'll be good stuff. ANd then I can wrap it up and give it to Brandon and he will cream himself. He is a big fan. I think Trent Reznor could be his masturbation material. Who knows?
Current mood: thirsty.
Current music: Bended Knee- b2m.
Brandon said he would cream himself if I bought it. I am buying it and I just might let him see it from time to time. AAAAAAAHHHHHH! I need it! I do I do!
Anyways, Winter Ball is December the 6th. I am excited and I am in such a great mood now! Wooohooo!
Brandon thinks he could be on drugs!
Current mood: excited.
Current music: Sleeping Beauty- APC.
Ok from now on everything that is put into this journal is coming straight from my mind and I don't give a shit who reads this or what they say. Anyways...to start off.
I realize that Brandon likes Caitlin and it is an apparent fact. No, I am not going to sit here and whine about it all day but I will say this one thing. Whatever makes him happy. I am not going to sit here and fight over someone I couldn't possibly have because, heh, like every other guy in the whole world, I am just a friend.
While we are on the subject of guys: hey, let's face it, they all have dicks. HAH
And another thing, here is some advice to a guy out there with the last name Cox. You pushed too hard, you didn't know her, and look what happened! You cannot push women. You must ease them into liking you. Man, I wish that would happen to me sometimes.
I am sure everyone is gonna get a kick outta this entry. HAH! Tell me what you think! And by the way, Brandon, I want that Brittany Spears CD!
Current mood: hyper.
Current music: Color Me Once- Violent Femmes.
....that the world would accept me for me
....people would shove humongous cheeseflavored dildos up their huge assholes
....that all my friends and family were happy
....heaven was made of cheesecake
....the world would understand that not everyone is Sarah Millay or Ali fucking Hager
....that I could atleast have the courage to say way I feel from time to time
....I could win this fucking autographed post on fucking EBAY
....that one day someone will come for me
....that Brandon will quite making drug references
....that Cat would finally admit to Koala she likes him
....that Lauren would smile MORE
....that Natty would be truly happy again
....that Sara Beth would accept she is beautiful
....that Rachie would get off this ME ME ME trip
....that Megan would realize she isn't a huge bitch
....that Manda would recognize the fact she is talented
....that Chrissy would forget about Nathan
....that Danielle would understand she has a mind of her own
....that Joy....welllll nothin about Joy
....that Kate Morgan would BUTTOUT
....that Seth Powers would realize I am actually really nice
....that I would just STOP
Ehhhh what do you have to say about that?
Current mood: crappy.
Current music: Sleeping Beauty- APC.
Ok- so Mr. Brandon got to go to the APC concert and I am entirely jealous and would like to squeeze every last visual memory from his brain so that I could see. For all you idiots who don't know- APC (A Perfect Circle) is one of the greatest bands that have ever graced the planet. I personally think they are Godsent. Anyways, Brandon likes to brag about the fact he almost cried and died and how much he LOVED the concert. I am jealous! Jealous jealous jealous. I mean look at the hamster above!
Anyways, I am back on ebay and trying to win that damned thing. It will be mine god dammit.
Current mood: jealous.
Current music: Mourning- Tantric.