|
[Nov 23 2003|1:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
enlightened |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
singing "little by little" |
] |
I'm not gonna use blurty anymores. I gots a xanga now. I'm keepin this though just to keep up with my fryends.
love you all
rebecca
|
|
| ramble ramble blah blah blah |
[Nov 9 2003|8:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
today I'm gonna go see another film festival film. it's called....uhm....my flesh and blood or something like that. it's a documentary about this single woman that adopts 11 children. to top it all off, they're all handicapped. one is retarded, I think two are missing legs and at least one of them had EB (a gross disease where your skin won't stay attached. you die from it.). it's all about them and their lives. Ruthie saw it and said it was amazing how they could lead a semi-normal life considering the circumstances. I can't wait to see it. I e-mailed the Rise By Sin peoples asking where I could get a copy of the film and they haven't e-mailed me back yet. they probably were hanging out at the film festival all day and stuff. it's cool that they came and talked before the film and stayed after to answer questions. I wish we had time to stay and ask them questions. now I can't wait for next year's film festival. I'm gonna try and go see more then.
beccinator
oh yeah and I really want to be a penguin.. I'm jealous of them.
|
|
| Rise By Sin |
[Nov 8 2003|6:20pm] |
|
oh my gosh. I saw the most awesome, thought-provoking film in the entirety of my life. it's called Rise By Sin. I don't know how to describe it....check it out at www.risebysin.com. it's.....so true it's not even funny. almost brought me to tears in a couple of scenes. it's an independent amature film by these two guys that went to college together and wrote it and just decided to make it. I e-mailed them asking where I could buy it so maybe I can get peoples together and watch it again. I hope they're selling it.
beccinator
|
|
|
[Nov 6 2003|6:48am] |
I can't find my damn flipflops! I wanna wear themmmm! I searched the whole damn house....I must've lost em. that's not cool. they're pretty. orange with tequila glasses on em. sigh. I mourn their loss.
anywhoo
baaaaaaa
beccinator
|
|
|
[Nov 4 2003|5:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
vanish-a perfect circle |
] |
running is not my friend. I ran too much and drank too much water and now I feel like I'm gonna ralph. isn't that just special?
I still feel like I want to punch a wall. watch me fucking start running all the time and run way too much. then if I sweat enough, it'll be the equivalent of being annorexic. I'd get all bony and un-attractive. but of course that's better than cutting right? right? yeah. I thought so. you don't have anything to say to that.
if it were up to me, I'd have an array of beautiful scars all over my body.
So glad to see you well
Overcome and completely silent now
Without himself
You cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
To the dead
Recall the deeds as if
They're all someone else's
Atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn before us all
So glad to see you well
|
|
|
[Nov 4 2003|4:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
I went driving today. it was the shit.
I wish I could go surfing RIGHT NOW. I don't care how cold the water is or how shitty the surf is. I just wanna go paddle out and forget all the SHIT. blah. the shit is gettin to me RIGHT NOW. all the lies and stupid shit people do and all the stupid shit I do and stuff.
|
|
|
[Nov 2 2003|11:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pissed off |
] |
damn people just looooove to cram their ideas into my mouth. it's all cheese and crackers though. everyone's stopped listening to what "I" say.
beccinator
|
|
|
[Oct 31 2003|5:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
watching murder she wrote |
] |
it's halloween. katie, ariel and I are goin to see runaway jury and then chill at katie's. just like old times...*sniff* the good old days. I'm gonna eat candy till it comes out of my ears! yeeeeeeehaw!
buenas noches!
beccinator
|
|
|
[Oct 29 2003|8:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the food network |
] |
I'm really sleepy..I thought you all would like to know that.....
|
|
|
[Oct 28 2003|5:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
down.. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
silence of an empty house. |
] |
today was blah...I slept on the bus and I kept hitting my head on the window which didn't help my sleep....did my state final..don't think I did too bad..fixed my notebook (it's okay katie!!! =) ) graphic arts was okay.. math...I sit next to this senior now and dicky was making kissy faces at me and it was really weird. my math class is the best..everyone is so funny in there and three of the guys have this thing going that they're gay with eachother. they're hilarious. then science we had this annoying substitute that made fun of me..but we listened to CD players and did our work. then I came home and cooked a bit for my brother's birthday tomorrow. 22 years old. we're all gettin old. it's a weird feeling. I remember thinking about being 16 when I was younger and it was so hard to fathom. now I'm almost there and it's hard to believe that I was once a little kidlet. ah, fond memories..and some not so fond ones. but cez la vie, right?
beccinator
|
|
|
[Oct 25 2003|8:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothin |
] |
last night.....I "sat around" for a couple of hours...then I went to bed at 8:30 but my grandmother called and so I talked to her for a while. that made me feel a bit better. granny is always so enthusiastic about life. anyways. I went to sleep at like 8:45 and then at like 3 AM I hear my door close...my mom was checkin in on me. I think she was kind of worried cause I went to bed so early..either she thought I was depressed (which would've been right on the money) or she thought I was going to sneak out or something like that....
anyways...it's mommo's birthday! her specho birthday breakfast is cookin right now..I can't wait..I'm hungry. then later mom and I are most likely gonna go shopping at dover mall....I want some more clothes so maybe on her birfday she'll be in the giving mood too =) if not I don't care. I have all I need.
cheerio
beccinator
|
|
|
[Oct 24 2003|4:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
progressively better |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
talkin to MaTT-O on the phone |
] |
today went from horrible to progressively better and now I'm sorta okay. I cried on my way to the bus stop...I'm not completely sure why....but then mr becker was nice and let us work on our notebooks. 4th period was fun. 6th period we had a quiz but oh well it's all good. 8th period was fun. then I had a really fun ride home with maria and we went to hallmark and I got a present and a card for my mom. I hope she likes em... anyways...
beccinator
|
|
| tonight |
[Oct 24 2003|6:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothin |
] |
oh...I can't wait for tonight...I'm gonna come home and you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go to sleep. I'm gonna grab some food and then hit the sack. I'm gonna tell my mom not to bother me if anyone calls and I'm just going to sleep. yesterday was shitty and today will be shitty. too bad I can't just start sleeping now...
|
|
|
[Oct 18 2003|4:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothin |
] |
tonight I'm going to the haunted hayride at salisbury. let's hope someone doesn't piss her pants. I'm wearing christmas socks. you know you're jealous.
|
|
|
[Oct 17 2003|6:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the ticking of the damn clock |
] |
I couldn't get to sleep last night because I kept thinking about Frank the bunny in Donnie Darko. I don't know why he popped up in my head. I'm gonna get the DVD and soundtrack to that movie for christmas. I put too much milk in my oatmeal. it's not as good now. that makes me sad.
anyway.....I guess I'll finish my oatmeal and go to school. we have a pep rally today....what fun....
love and kisses
beccinator
|
|
| rant that won't make any sense...at least I hope not... |
[Oct 15 2003|7:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
a shitty punk song. |
] |
it's just....staying there out of convenience. not because it's better or anything. just convenient. but of course I can't ask anyone's opinion because the thought would get blown away either because they're(....I donno how to word this...not exactly "in on it" but that's the only thing I can think of right now so that'll just have to do) in on it or they think it's proposterous but that in itself would be only because they didn't think about it enough or at all. it should be against the laws of nature for one to be sick and PMS and have to go to school at the same time. it's just evil. the hormones, runny noses and school to top it off are enough to set a girl on a killing rampage. I guess they're enough to make a girl think about anything that is wrong or could be wrong. maybe it's just the depression seeping through the barriers of therapy and medication. maybe it's just normal....but who knows? there is no such thing as "normal". that shouldn't be a real word. it's a paradox all in itself. my frontal lobe hurts.(for those of you who don't know what that is, it's the front part of your brain) maybe...just maybe I'm bitter because I don't talk to people much. maybe I'm jealous of everyone else. I don't talk to people in most of my classes unless I have to. I hope I'm not bitter when I grow old. I hope I have someone to share everything with. I do have a lot to share, I just don't know how. I always sit and listen to what people say and think of what I could say to it but I never can get myself to open my damn mouth. or when I'm just about to say something, when it's on the tip of my tongue, they keep going or someone gets there before me. I'm just not good at verbal communication. another failure to add to the great list....it's so sad. I had such a great plan for my life. a reachable goal. but now that I want to do something else everyone says it'll never happen or I'll lose my passion. that would be so dreadful. to lose that. it is my life's love. it has been since I was a little kidlet. I remember standing on a stool, hands, face, clothes covered in flour. standing next to my mom cutting little angels out of cookies, excited that it was almost christmas eve and almost time to ice the cookies with the whole family. the whole family sitting there cracking jokes. john was always the funniest. still is. I remember we would all sit around the dinner table and john and nate would make me laugh so long and hard my mom would yell at me. they'd get me laughing and then say stupid stuff like "yams" or "snuffelupigus" and I'd just crack up. never failed. I miss that. I miss that feeling of unity we had. so long ago. it seems like ages etched in cold stone. it's funny how some memories feel like canvas filled with warm colors and you still feel that warmth of love and others are made of stone, cold and unforgiving. sometimes it's better that way but others it feels like you've lost another thing you lived for. I guess that's how I feel about dance right now. it feels like it was ages ago. that place, that feeling, that passion and discipline. for the first time, I miss it. I miss it devastatingly. I miss that feeling of hitting a double turn. when your heart skips a beat because you don't believe you actually did it. that serinity of doing plie's after a long barre. the exhileration of an intricate combination. you get so caught up the planes of the room cease to exhist and it's just you. just you, the music and your task. your art. and for that moment, your life. those are the moments you feel beautiful. those are the moments you feel important. not in the sense that you have a task for someone but in the sense that you have some kind of otherworldly purpose. I feel so alienated from my past. like it was another person. just another book I read or a dream I had.
Jesus H. Christ. brought myself to fucking tears. crying with a cold doesn't help the situation at all.
though there's so much more I could say, I won't.
love and kisses
rebecca
|
|
|
[Oct 12 2003|6:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thopughtful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tryin to find a copy of that song... |
] |
haven't used this in a bit.
anyways..today was a good day. I went to church and that was of course all fine and dandy. then I came home and later on my mom took me driving. that was fun. my neighbor would have hit me if I hadn't stopped even though I had the right-of-way. scared the shit out of me. then mom and I went shopping at wal*mart and then I stopped in michaels. I got some small canvases, some medium ones, a large-ish paint brush, brush cleaner, some drawing pencils and a big eraser cause I make many, many mistakes. then we went to food lion to get some......food. what a surprise there. came home and I made some pineapple bake. the best shit in the world. it's all buttery and bread-y and pineapply. *drool* then we had dinner and here I am. I'm not too excited about the week ahead of me because I have a lot of stuff I need to get done for graphic arts and I have to go see Ms. Roe on tuesday and I just don't feel like going to school with this cold.
I'll stop bitching and moaning now
love and kisses
beccinator
oh yeah I really like this song and I know I've put it on here before but I don't care. so there. biatch.
every minute-sarah groves
I am long on staying • I am slow to leave • Especially when it comes to you my friend • You have taught me slow down • And to prop up my feet • It's the fine art of being who I am • • And I can't figure out • Why you want me around • I'm not the smartest person I have ever met • But somehow that doesn't matter • No it never really mattered to you at all • • And at the risk of wearing out my welcome • At the risk of self-discovery • I'll take every moment • And every minute that you'll give me • • And I can think of time when families all lived together • Four generations in one house • And the table was full of good food • And friends and neighbors • That's not how we like it now • • Cause if you sit at home you're a loser • Couldn't you find anything better to do • Well no I couldn't think of one thing • I would rather waste my time on than sitting here with you • • And at the risk of wearing out my welcome • At the risk of self-discovery • I'll take every moment • And every minute that you'll give me • • And I wish all the people I love the most • Could gather in one place • And know each other and love each other well • • And I wish we could all go camping • And lay beneath the stars • And have nothing to do and stories to tell • We'd sit around the campfire • And we'd make each other laugh remembering when • You're the first one I'm inviting • Always know that you're my friend • • And at the risk of wearing out my welcome • At the risk of self-discovery • I'll take every moment • And every minute that you'll give me • Every moment and every minute that you'll give me • Every moment and every minute that you'll give me • Every minute • •
|
|
| had to write this down 'fore I forget |
[Oct 8 2003|4:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
overwhelmed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
like a stone-audioslave |
] |
my heart is just a plastic piece in your cheesy game of love.
|
|
|
[Oct 6 2003|4:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothin |
] |
today has been a really blah day. I started mr nicoletti's class today and that was interesting. then I had graphic arts and I started working on my text collage. I think I'm really gonna like that class. then I had Mrs. forcucci or however you spell it. she seems really really nice. I'm gonna try and get into her creative writing class next year. then was spanish and I had to pee really bad but like every freaking guy wanted to go to the bathroom so I waited till after school. the ride home sucked. I guess it was bash rebecca day in the prettyman household.
I have a migrane...and a load of homework.
beccinator
|
|
|
[Oct 5 2003|4:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
watchin the telly |
] |
I think I'm getting a cold...not cool...not cool at all..I don't want to get sick. that'd suck balls. went over to ariel's house today. her parents went to this shindig so we babysat her brother and did homework and stuff. talked about our trip next summer like we do every time we hang out. it's gonna be so kickass. I wish all my friends could go with me. that'd be the shit.
I have massive mounds of homework I should be doing.
beccinator
|
|