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The Marshmallow

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[02 Dec 2004|02:08pm]
URGH!!!

i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i just wish he'd.. stop. it's not fair on me. it's driving me crazy. it just seems like he doesn't care. he's doing what he wants and that's all that matters. what i say has no effect whatsoever. because he doesnt give a SHIT what i think. how i feel.

urghurghurgh.
i know you wanna hit that

should i shake this off.. [09 Oct 2004|05:05pm]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | mcfly - 'room on the 3rd floor' ]

+

so i saw idlewild and terra diablo last night.

very very very good.

i love my button much. it hurts.

joshness. made me happy.

i know you wanna hit that

or will you think of me? [20 Sep 2004|10:40am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | abk - 'hatchet warrior' ]

+

two people in love.. should see each other, yes? should BE TOGETHER, yes? no matter how fucked up the situation is, 'cause they can help each other through it!?

yeah, if only danny thought so.

it scares me how much i love him, and it scares me that he feels we can't be together. but the promise that we'll get back together eventually.. will it happen? i'm scared in case it doesn't. i need him, and he doesn't realise.

i wish i could tell him everything i think about all this, but i can't, because i'm scared of losing him, hurting him, making him angry.

i just want to run away with him, get away from everyone, to somewhere we can be happy. yeah, it'll never happen.

i sometimes think there's only one solution to all of this.. but would i really do it? doubtful.

i'm breaking down. i hate this so much. i love him so much. i can't deal with this for much longer.

NOTHING WILL EVER BE PERFECT

i know you wanna hit that

will you sleep tonight.. [14 Sep 2004|08:58pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | jenoah - 'morning is when jenoah wakes up' ]

+

last night was not fun. i won't go into detail, though that doesn't matter seeing as how no one will see this. but it's just in case.

anyway, i spoke to him today. there was nothing different, nothing's changed. i'm just too paranoid.

i wish i hadn't told them. now my dad keeps asking if i'm ok, he keeps looking over, it's really annoying.

i'm going to get better. i can't stand to be like this for the rest of my life. i hate being trapped. i'm going to get better.

i know you wanna hit that

do you care if i don't know what to say? [09 Sep 2004|10:48pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | new found glory - 'new found glory' ]

+

today has been so random. just because of people talking to me who i hadn't spoken to in ages. adam, jarvie, kayleigh, kelly, ricky, michelle.

me and adam were talking for aaages last night. it was nice.

didn't go to school again today. probably not going tomorrow.

i want to call danny.. but i shouldn't

i know you wanna hit that

don't join the system : join the circus [08 Sep 2004|08:32am]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | rx bandits - 'halfway between here and there' ]

+

i went to his house on sunday.. no one answered the door so i started walking home, and i called him and he said he couldn't come to the door. i had this thing i wanted to give him so i went round to the back of his house and put it on his fence and we talked, me outside, him inside at his window. he gave me his chain which apparently has sentimental value, but i don't know why. anyway.. i eventually (and very reluctantly) went home.

that night, went to see allister with rebecca and greg. it was amazing. we were so close to the stage. my ears are still ringing.

school has been good. so glad i moved. though i wasn't there yesterday and i'm not going today.. [ steve ]

heard something yesterday that i didn't like. apparently he told her he still has feelings for her. and what reason do i have for not believing it? that he loves me!? funny, that..

oh, maybe i'm just being paranoid. i really don't know. and as for the other..

[ he ] likes [ her ]

i know you wanna hit that

one wish [04 Sep 2004|03:10pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | hellogoodbye - self-titled ep ]

+

he didn't meet me yesterday. says he'll come round today.

maybe he will.

i think i'm losing him.

seeing allister tomorrow. should be fun.

i want him back

i know you wanna hit that

more time [30 Aug 2004|08:52pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]
[ music | deftones - 'around the fur' ]

+

i finally spoke to him. i did it early 'cause i couldn't bear it any longer. we were on the phone for about 2 hours. it was kinda awkward at first, but it was nice. just to hear his voice again.. though it had only been about 2 weeks since the last time.

and lynn called earlier. while we were on the phone he was at her door with some people, so i got to talk to him again, and ricky, and then lucy. it was nice. i was meant to go down to lynn's, but then i hadn't showered yet, and people were at my door, and i have homework i need to do.

so i think i'm seeing him on friday. hopefully, anyway.

and then allister on sunday. not too sure about saturday.

but school tomorrow. yay! i had to go home at lunch today, 'cause i wasn't feeling great.

but anyway. i have homework.

i know you wanna hit that

my paper heart will bleed [28 Aug 2004|11:21pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | boxcar racer - 'boxcar racer' ]

+

pizza hut was fun, 'cept i had a panic attack. and the night ended badly, with me having an argument with my mum.

so tired.

lots of homework to do today, when i get up.

and school on monday. i'm actually looking forward to it.

i know you wanna hit that

sing the sorrow [27 Aug 2004|11:24pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | allister - 'dead ends and girlfriends' ]

+

my night has been.. urgh. just urgh.

and i need to stop being such a COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT!!

there is [ one ] and maybe not even that one.

URGH!!

i know you wanna hit that

you can't kill me : i'm immortal [27 Aug 2004|02:03pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | still insane clown posse - 'bizaar' ]

+

another day. or rather, half a day.

it was a bit of a let down, really.

i got really excited last night, mainly because i got my icp things, and because of school.. i would be getting to see [ him ]

and i did see him. with his girlfriend. but he has beautiful hair, so i'm not surprised he's taken.

but i didn't call [ the other ] because i managed to stop myself. whether she was lying to me or not, well, i'll find out in 5 days. though i'm thinking of leaving it longer, just because i think i can survive.

anyway, i've got to do homework, and shower and everything, before i go to rebecca's later. and anna shall be there, so all is good. and i've been asked to go to pizza hut tomorrow, so i shall be going if i can find some money. yes.

and i'll see [ him ] again on monday. yes.

i know you wanna hit that

and legs of stone [25 Aug 2004|09:47pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | insane clown posse - 'bizaar' ]

+

my first day as 'the new kid.'

i was nervous as hell.

but it was alright, i guess.

i'd write more about it, but i don't have the time just now. maybe tomorrow.

but i've just become extremely paranoid.

i trust her. i do. she's telling me the truth. she wouldn't lie to me.. but now i'm so paranoid i want to call him. and i might just do that. but i shouldn't.

i need her to be telling me the truth.

i know you wanna hit that

bedshaped [21 Aug 2004|08:13pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | linkin park - 'meteora' ]

+

what have i done today?

nothing.

rebecca called. they've got their tickets. i can't wait.

i was surviving.. until last night. i don't know what happened, but i caved. i broke down. and i wrote it. and i said it.

12 days.

and then there's wednesday. yeah, i'm looking forward to it, but i'm nervous as hell. new place. new people. 'tis kinda scary. and i wonder what they'll say when they find out.

i want to scream. he's so annoying.

i know you wanna hit that

on your own? [18 Aug 2004|02:21am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | still deftones - 'around the fur' ]

+

i've just discovered that hellogoodbye and jenoah are two fantastic bands.

i need money. there are too many things i want to buy.

i think i'm gonna go job hunting with rebecca some time.

punk. rawk. \m/

i know you wanna hit that

welcome to marshmallowland [18 Aug 2004|12:16am]
[ mood | creative ]
[ music | deftones - 'around the fur' ]

+

new journal. again.

i thought i was dying this morning. not fun. slept most of the day. went round to rebecca's later on, watched final destination. home, here, adam, adam's gone now. i'm alone.

should go to bed. i have to be awake tomorrow, to answer the phone.. in case [ they ] call.

i found a link. september second : it'll be safe.. september second : her birthday.

a year. a whole year. and he doesn't realise. and it scares me..

i know you wanna hit that

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