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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Mark Jarrell's Blurty:
| Sunday, May 16th, 2004 | |
| 6:34 pm | Hey Just wanted to write and see if anyone reads this or such or another.. I think i'll write more often on here... Mark |
| Friday, July 4th, 2003 | |
| 6:06 pm | I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again. So I have things worked out. The plan is Monday I call the Allegheny centre for a room. The same day my ass goes on the 5hr trip to Pittsburgh with most of my possessions. I move in with some stranger and hopefully meet Jonathan and see Katie. I have a job already working at the school in the cafeteria. Which sounds like a lot of fun. *sarcasm* I don't think I can handle more than 12 hrs a day in the same BUILDING. So I go to school from 8h30-15h30 ; Then work from then on. Wow. I won't have a life. The next time I come back home will probably be when I have enough money for 2 bus tickets. *note to self...Buy Amtrak student discount card* I'm really excited about moving, but at the same time I'm scared. I hope things go well. I think I'm going to call Jordan before I leave and say my Adieu. *and maybe a Je t'aime beaucoup* I'll miss you too Danielle. Well I'm going to go. It's the 4th. We spent the day at my brother David's house. We are going back later for a bonfire, after the kids have had their nap. I think I will also really miss my niece. She's a Cutie but very onry. Current Mood:  quixoticCurrent Music: *don't think i know what quixotic means d'ya...well.. I LOOKED IT UP...so..HA!* |
| Sunday, June 29th, 2003 | |
| 9:30 pm | Age 17 At age 17 I was a wise man. *Being an Aquarius and all I have natural wisdom possibly from past lifes.* Talking with my friend I gave her some good advice and told her the truth about love. The weird thing about it was I gave her really truthful advice, without knowing about love and experiencing it. Lately at the age of 18 I've become a bitter and morbid person, and I've changed my views, but I knew before the truth, but had to modify it somewhat. Now I have a second sight on love and I now recall the truths about love. 1. Love is temporary. Usually it is ended by Breaking up, divorce or for true love "death do us part" 2. You must date and date and date and have all these temporary relationships until you find the one that takes your breath away and you can not live without. 3. If it's meant to be it will be. If not no use dwelling about what's not meant to be. 4. You will learn more about yourself as time goes by and with the people you date. 5. Love is not a word created by straight people to have sex. *sorry José* 6. You have to give/show love to receive it. 7. Don't search for love, let love find you, it will be an even better surprise when you receive this beautiful present. So to use my own wisdom. 1. I date Jordan and I will probably date other people. 2. Jordan was the first person I've dated, I'm not sure if I have found the right person if I've only dated one person. 3. I'll see what happens in the future, I really do love him and hope we can be friends or more in the future. 4. I have learned a few things from him, but NOTHING WAS A MISTAKE I'd do it all over again if I could. 5. Gay guys in love. Yae, and well we didn't say "I love you" then jump in bed. 6. I should show love towards others instead of expecting to find it. 7. I was searching and searching for love and never found it. I gave up and it found me. I feel better and now that I remember that *with the help of Steph* I feel so much better and I finally have the much needed closure. I'm ready to try again and find that one person who completes me. Mark Current Mood: omniscient Current Music: "Oh what a circus" Evita |
| 1:59 pm | Last nite Talked to Jordan again last night and had a nice bubble bath. We actually takled for abut 20 minutes and not about sex. Abuot life. We talked as friends. Something we have never been able to do before. I felt happy, I really do miss him, i hope maybe we can meet under better circumstances next time. I do truly love him. He has a date tomorrow *Monday* he doesn't want to go , but I told him he should. He's too damn picky about ppl. He says gay ppl are too boring and most are flamy. Oy vet. Well im going to pittsburgh and I'll see what my life brings me there. Uh oh..mark has another date tonight. With danielle, mark needs to date GUYS...but.. i dunno. This whole gay thing isn't working out, maybe i'll find a nice girl ^_~ you never know... Well i've gotta go.. Mark Pokazhi mne lyubov (Show me [your/ the] love) Current Mood:  goodCurrent Music: Pokazhi mne lyubov by TATU |
| Friday, June 27th, 2003 | |
| 3:16 pm | Ya soshla S uma - I descend from mind *I'm going crazy* I think I have found that "friend" Jordan was talking abut and it is driving me crazy. He's cute and they are probably compatible. I'm over Jordan, but I still love him, and I'm jealous that he has someone new. I know I shouldn't be and that I should be happy for him, but I can't be. Where's my closure at? I just still fill linked to him, and I can't help it. It drives me crazy. And it's my fault he found this new person, I showed him basically where to find'em at... So I guess I should be happy for him. I always knew love wasn't real, but why did I think it was? I have learned that love isn't forever. It's a temporary feeling between 2 people that soon fades after time has passed. Sucks doesn't it? I got a call from Robert. *future room mate* he sounds soo hot, he wanted me to go to Pittsburgh and sign a lease on an apartment. Hopefully I'll get to go. They messed up Crystals applying. They had another girl with the same name cancel and they put it down as my crystal and she is soo pissted. Wes has been on vacation for too long. GET BACK HERE..I MISS YOU... *Not to Timmy.... I miss Wes... That's not saying I love the guy like love love,* *another note to Timmy g'luck with the advanced class* *and yet another note to Timmy ok..maybe I won't do that one..it's mean...lol..* Lata Folks Mark |
| Tuesday, June 24th, 2003 | |
| 4:59 pm | Today Today I talked to crystal and Jordan. Crystal called me asking if I was still going to Pittsburgh. I said 'no' and she said she wasn't going to but wants to go now and I should also go with her. So I'll probably make one final attempt to go to Pittsburgh. Or just go next year once I have enough money saved up. Talked to Jordan.. *finally unblocked me* He sent an IM saying he wanted to check up on me. He has a sinus headache we talked a little bit. His parents and brother are away for 5 days so he is home all alone. But he met a "friend" a gay friend who will be coming over to make sure he is well. I'll say it now. I can't help for being jealous of this new character and wondering if things will go any further. But aren't I allowed to be jealous? I mean. The only thing in the world I want and the thought of someone else having it just makes me uneasy. When he told me that my heart sank into my stomach and I just got really mad at him. I really want him to be the one. And I know he is my first everything, but I don't want anyone else. So I will always love him, and be jealous of anyone else, and want to be with him. I will have times I want him and times I detest him, but I will always love him. I dunno... I still don't belive this is happening. But I guess we weren't really dating or together so I should really be over it. He found someone so soon. *probably when I showed him the web site outinamerica.com and that there were tons of fags in Obetz* Oh well. Fuck everything.. My journey now takes me looking for a job and trying to get into a community college. Mark Current Mood:  gloomyCurrent Music: Five For Fighting -- Superman /Doschitai do sta --Tatu |
| 1:23 pm | Mon rêve Mon rêve- my dream Last night I had a dream. Me dreaming is actually a very queer thing because I almost never dream. I just sleep for countless hours unconscious. When I do sleep however it is something. I'm an Aquarius and sometimes I get glimpses of things I am to see. I'm not saying I'm precognizant or psychic, but I have dreamed about things and they have come true. When they come true I remember the dream and have a weird sense of awe. Sometimes it's not things I have anything to do with. Once I had a dream of a building, or at least a building that had been destroyed and a few weeks later the Oklahoma City Bombings occurred and I saw the exact same images on the TV as I saw in my dream the previous week. So when I dream it's more of a slide show or me in a situation where I know I'm asleep but I can't control what I do and things are set out. Like a play. So I'm working up to my dream last night. Jordan came over to spend some time at my house again. We are up to being apart and not really on good terms; trying to reconcile or differences. I had to remind my brother that we needed time together and my brother understood and granted my requests. So we talk, we actually talk about things, I tell him more about me, things that my own friends really don't know about. *Sorry Wes and Dani there are still things I haven't told you yet, and I think that they are meant for my life partner* Things that I'm over and have accepted. I was really happy in my dream despite knowing it was a dream and none of it was real. A few aspects are me driving and my father coming into my life. I don't know why he'd be coming into it, I don't want him. He denies me as his son and I deny he exists. None of his presence in my dream are pleasant. Then I'm driving which doesn't seem plausible, because. So I think it means I'm still deeply in love with him and want things to work out. and maybe if I could drive it would. I Got to go he's talking to me..Later Mark Current Mood: hopeful |
| Monday, June 23rd, 2003 | |
| 11:54 pm | Mark in Ohio. Ok. So I've been a bitch lately. A really mood son of a bitch. I was so Happy on going to Pennsylvania but it was for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to be me; but that will have to wait. I wanted to have more guy friends; but that can wait. I wanted to be away from Ohio; but that won't be happening anytime soon. So my new plan of action is; *drum roll per favore* Get a job! Yikes. It's been 6 months, and I will also try to go to a community college and see where that takes me. I guess I still have a lot I need to finish at home, so that's where I will stay until I am ready to travel and do what I am destined to do. Which might be in psychology or some shit. I dunno. The kids are still driving me crazy, this may sound awful but I'm glad we didn't get the next kid yet..Oy vet... Jordan has been online all day and is on now, but he has blocked me on his list * what he doesn't know is I have other accounts and I can see he is there....Bastard has a sinus headache..UMahahahahaha. I'm keeping the zyrtek to myself..BASTARD>. you make me feel like a whore.... * That's my song now.. He really does make me feel like a whore. I'm a whore with an attachment problem who can't let go. Maybe I should go str8...it'd be a lot easier.... Oh well.. I'm done better...Thanks for all the comments.... And dani.. I'm not leaving you... :( Find me a bf yet? lol Later Mark Current Mood:  mellowCurrent Music: Shatterday by Vendetta Red |
| Sunday, June 22nd, 2003 | |
| 9:52 pm | Destination unknown. Everything just totally fucking sucks right now. These goddamned kids are getting on my nerves. I haven't left the house in 3 weeks and I barely leave my room. Mom's having a hissy fit because she has to go to court tomorrow and no one is here to watch the kids, due to Betsy getting a job and adding Brooke to our family. *No not really it's just that she is here almost 24/7 now and spending all weekend here! :(* I can't believe I'm thinking this but I'd be a lot better off dead. Everyone would. Life sucks. What's the point in living life? Nothing ever goes my way. I can't afford the school I want to and now I can't afford to live in Pittsburgh. So now I'll be stuck at home for the rest of my life in Fayette County, Ohio. Living at home, not being able to drive and not working. What's the use? I'm not living as it is; I'm just taking up resources. I've run out of drugs and alcohol to make me feel better. Now I'm just, further down the hole. To top it off the one person I love the most in this world won't talk to me and is blocking me. What do I have? I have 30$ in my wallet and 4$ divided between my checking and savings account. I have maybe but 2 friends that have their own separate life. I spend time online reading god damned diaries or writing in them. Playing piano, the same song over and over. "Wherever you will go" by the calling. I put new carpet in my room today. It better than the one I vomited on. I was so fucked up that night. I had drunken a bottle of Rossi and Asti champagne, a few shots of tequila, some brandy, and I think I had vodka Jell-O-shots. Not to mention my cousin's bf gave me 3 pills to take. All 3 tranquilizers. They put me into bed wasted. The room was spinning. I passed out. Woke up and vomited on the floor then fell back to sleep again to wake up wonder what that horrid odor was coming from the next morning. That was 5 months ago. I can no longer bare the taste of alcohol and I have used up my drugs. This shit is driving me crazy. When will it stop? When will things get better? Why can't I be loved? Why MUST things be awful? What did I do to DESERVE this? Somehow I have this sick reassurance that I will amount to nothing in my life. At age 45 I'll be working at some crummy job making minimum wage, alone in the world and on the brink of destruction. It just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Doesn't it you? So fuck the future. I'm in the now. What the fuck do I do now? I've been thinking about some ideas that I would have never been able to do before, but now I think I am capable of doing. I have told countless friends not to do it. I'm a hypocrite so fuck me and fuck you too. In High School you learn so much useless bullshit. They never really do prepare you for the real world. I'm sorry kiddies but in the real world YOU DON'T HAVE HOMEWORK, STUDY HALLS AND NEED TO KNOW HAPPENED ON A CERTAIN DATE, WHAT A CERTAIN FORMULA DOES OR WHAT THE FUCK AN OBJECT IS MADE FROM. On the other hand YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW TO FIND A JOB, HOW TO BUY GROCCERIES, BUDGET, FIND A PLACE TO LIVE, BE HAPPY IN YOUR LIFE, BUY A CAR, INVEST, UNDERSTAND A BANK ACCOUNT, DO LAUNDRY, COOK, CLEAN, BE HEALTHY, BE SAFE. So am I just another poor child the public school system has failed? The truth of the matter is no one knows how to live in the real world, it just happens and some people are better of than others. Bad things always happen to good people, and vice versa. The world is fucked up. Why would anyone want to live here? How can young women with 6 kids at the age of 22 think about brining another child into this world without the means to properly care for it? The stupidity and ignorance that runs ramped through this planet flabbergasts me. Tomorrow is the future, but I will be spending it just like the days that have passed. I will sit all alone in my room. I won't mail in my contract to attend PCI because it is an unreal dream. I don't have the means to accomplish it so why bother. These kids drive me crazy, so maybe I'll find a night job in walking distance. Or maybe I'll just walk away from everything. Destination unknown. I'm ready for bed. Mark Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: Whervere you will go~by~ The Calling |
| 1:23 am | Gabriel The Lost Soul  You do not forgive yourself for what you did. Instead you wander the mortal world until one of the other ghosts find you and consumes you entirely. You are a lost and heartbroken soul. The wholey pure. You are a sacrifice to the Dark Divinity, you are the thirteenth and final sign of the Black Zodiac.  Gabriel. You're most like the ArchAngel of Communication, in charge of things like telephones, libraries, Internet, and the 411 phone menu. You're organized and are not shy about inflicting that organization on others. Current Mood:  discontent |
| 12:55 am | Tonight tonight. Well I decided to watch queer as folk. *even though I don't care for it as a portrayal of gay life* I had to go out and move the dish which proved to be effective in fixing the bad reception. And I even asked my brother Andrew to come watch it. Then it sunk in, it's soft core porn. They had a scene where it was porn 2 guys were screwing, they showed everything except for the male genitalia. So if Wes is reading, IT'S PORN! Oh, And I haven't seen Jordan online lately. I don't know if he found my other account and blocked it too or not. Timmy and Jason are no more. I need a man. Larry is supposedly a fag hag * one of my roomies * And I'm hoping Robert is a homo hottie. Goodnight moon. Mark Current Mood:  crushedCurrent Music: Bottom of a Bottle ~by~ Smile Empty Soul |
| Saturday, June 21st, 2003 | |
| 10:44 am | That Little bastard has blocked me on aim. How do I know this? Well when Wes asked if I was talking to him and said he wasn't online, then I loged into another account and low and behold he was on there. Fucker Blocked me! Why am I so stupid to love that bastard? GRrr!! Current Mood:  annoyed |
| Friday, June 20th, 2003 | |
| 3:28 pm | What's Been happening lately. Well I didn't sleep much that past two days and I've made up for it today with several naps. I hit on this really really really cute guy last night. He's str8 but he's nice and understanding, but yet lives in Kentucky. I didn't mean to ignore everyone last night I was super tired. Richie and I have an apartment. It's 10 miles from downtown Pittsburgh but there will be busses. I'm happy about it. We even found a roommate. His name is Robert and he lives near Cincinnati, oh. *glad to have a fellow "oihoian"/Ohioian* He's 26 has a 5 year old kid and his voice is super sexy. I hope the gay thing doesn't bother him. But what str8 guy wouldn't want to live with 2 bents? lol ;) I had a talk with my younger brother. He is "homo" as he puts it whereas I prefer bent. Wes also has been talking to him in hopes that he'll be more understanding of me. I think he is going to break up with his so called girlfriend. They actually had plans to sleep together on her birthday! Imagine that! ICKY. I've got a lot of packing to do and I should visit Pittsburgh sometime to sign a contract and I need to rake up so money for some rent and such right now. Also I need to sign the contract with the school and turn it in. Two weeks away I will be living in a new state. I've always lived in Ohio and my first time to Pennsylvania was to visit the school. I'm going to have a hard time not being able to see my friends. I miss Jordan really bad to. Even though we aren't really together I won't be able to have any "special meetings". I have to call Danielle and tell her about how things went that night. I can always use Richie's computer to say "hi" unless I bring mine. And thanks again Danielle for the gifts 2 out of 3 has been handy I'm waiting to use the phone card hehehe ^_^. * I made pumpkin bread with the oil* eheheheh Well love to all.. Mark Current Mood:  ecstaticCurrent Music: Finch - What it is to burn |
| Tuesday, June 17th, 2003 | |
| 10:56 pm | My new Journal. Hello everyone this is my new journal. |
| Saturday, February 8th, 2003 | |
| 8:57 pm | Ok. Today bit! Woke up at the early time of 10;45 !! wow! Brooke (my neice) spent the night last night. SO everyone went to young's dairy in dayton or somewhere, i forget where. So i had a few hours to myself. They came home early... We went to kmart for a supopsed 50% off sale.. Which was a lie! Stopped to get chinese. Came home...Found a new friend was online... I had been using outpersonals, and finally got a reply from one I found. He lives really close. *chilicothe* He seems nice. He works at a new italian restaurant as a salad prep person. He seems nice... I had to "interview" to be his boyfriend.. We talked about some things... It seemed like it was going well.. I'm happy.. Finally a close queer! yea! But then he suddenly went offline, and I don't know why. Or even if he was interested. Oh well... I'm getting emails from someone that says they live in the same town as i.. And then another one that seems more like a virus... That had an attachment...Weird... It wouldn't open, so that was good. I think things are getting good.. I might have a date to prom!! Yeah... I'm packing. I'm going to try to move in with my brother at his new house he just bought. He will be moving in soon... And there is a room for me.. But this is all up in the air. I might move in, but I more than likely won't... I am still packing up my junk.. It is forsure, that i will move out after HighSchool.. I am applying to go to college in july, so that leaves me only a month. I thought it would be good to live with David (my bro) for awhile, cuz it will be easy to move again to PA. UHmm... talked to wes... Talking to crystal riddick... Jennifer emailed me saying happy bday... Uhmm.. Don't eat diet food.. It'll make you sick..lol...jk... I've got to go to bobs tomorrow, to tell sandy bye.. And friday (vday) to my "date" with june...Later all! Markus Readers' Comments 40 hey do you by any chance live in ohio!!! if So were!!!! my diary is Why me not you by: it hurts thnks Diana - It hurts ---------------------------------------- awww. if i had the opportunity to move in with someone else, i'd take it VERY fast. i like being on my own. i hope things get a little more "detailed" between you and the guy who lives near you. oh well, ciao for now! ^_^ - madcheshirecat3 |
| Friday, February 7th, 2003 | |
| 7:39 pm | "Getting tired of the snow!" Hmmm.. Woke up at 6;30.... Went to bed... Woke up at 11;30! Ooops! Did i miss school? Nope..Snow day! So didn't do nothing much today.. Re arranged my sheet music collection...* a very large one * Went To bobs.. I'm gonna miss sandy... I luv her! *me and crystal didn't go to the movies today, she had to work* Troy was there.. He dropped outta school, again... 3rd school! he sat with Jessica, that works there.. She's in college... I saw nathan *jess's bf*... He was driving... Saw shellie and megan.. Went to the store.. Found something for june... So i took her a stuffed animal. A furry puppy in a gift bag.. For V-day.. She told me to come in next friday. So I guess i'll spend vday with her, and the rest of the crew... Supposed to find megan a bf.. Yeah right! I'm going to keep him for me! lol... My neice is spending the night.. My brother did my state income taxes. I have to find the federal form... I can't wait for my whole $238.. I only made 2,800 for 4 months.. worked 496 hours! grrr! lol.. I need 104 more hours to pass ME for the year.. But i have another 4 months to get a months worth in. Talk to wes..About how ppl will never change their ways, and how the space program is a waste of money.. He called me jared, and I took offense. Maybe cuz i am jealous of jared. *of him and jennifer...SHE"S MINE!* lol... well i might write more later... Danielle.. Didn't get to see malinda... "mal" bad..hmmm... Bad linda eh? She must be a bad witch! lol... I heard she flirted with ryan.. I'm supposed to help anna move.. and see sandy before she leaves for indiana. haven't talked to jordan today... Why do I have to fall in love with everyone.. He is so cute! And nice... ;) Tho there are those silent moments...*he's probally playing warcraft 3* I think i'm getting to understand how steph feels about unsocial ppl who are computer addicts! Oh, and if anyone wants to go to a dance with me... Apply now! lol.. Still haven't found a date for prom. Or even a gay in a 20 miles radius! Help me danielle..lol... ;) I still miss AJ tho... He's always in my mind.. I still look for that stupid white car... Idon't know what he drives now.. Supposed to be a.....uhmmmm......errrrr.. i forget.... well i'm gonna listen to some music....later markus |
| Thursday, February 6th, 2003 | |
| 4:43 pm | "Happiness is a long word!" Went to school... Actually had to wait for the bus today... lol... Uhmm I had to sit thru some drug counselor 2 times today... I didn't get yelled at today... Put in an application at our closing kmart.. Went to El Dorado's. That mother is still trying to get me to call her daughter.. She has a cold... :(... It's weird when I can understand someone speaking a foreign language, but I feel bad when i am clueless.. She speaks no english.. Her daughter is soo pretty. I should be honoured that her mother wants me to call her daughter... THE PRETTY ONE AT THAT! And I mean.. She is gorgeous. Tall, thin, and a nice ass! Long dark hair, smiles... Damn! Now why the hell do i have to be gay? lol.. ;) Can't i just.. I dunno, have the switched turned over to str8? I guess it's ok... I'll have to call Lucy sometime, and see what she thinks about her mom hooking us up... And Jose bites! lol.... I think she made him be nice to us today... We went to Oddlots... After leaving, we saw her again.. *the mother.* (lucy the daugter works in Xenia now) She told me something about a "pregunta" I think she's wanting me to call her. Lol.. I feel so special! Why can Guys hit on me? Or guys mom's give me their sons phone numbers? lol... So i've been drinking coffee today so i don't take a nap... Don't drink coffee and take caffein pills! They don't go well together! My bro is going to help me do my taxes today.. That'll be some money in my pocket!!! Yea! I'm going monday to get my permit packet, and tuesday the test.. Prolly with kami jo. Gonna go bounce off the wallz, Luv Markus Readers' Comments 38 Hey hun. I talked to my mom about that service thing. And she said that all it was that when you turn 18, they want you to sign up. That's how they enroll you. So hopefully you'll be okay. Well, I better go, take care. - Tallow ---------------------------------------- |
| 12:15 am | "Update from previous." I did not know that the smashing pumpkins have change to zwan. So the song is; "(AND SO I DIED) OF A BROKEN HEART" by Zwan. Ok.. I think that is swedish for swan, or maybe polish.. Dunno! Ok.. So mom just got the mail today around 8'pm.. *we have PO Box* And I got a letter from the Selective Service... I was stating that I am now registered. I got a gut feeling. I could go to war. I don't think it is right. I am a pacifist. I dislike violence so much. I have witnessed so many violent acts as a young child, and even as coming into adulthood. I have lived in fear. Unfortunatley for a good part of my life. When i was no older than 6. We lived in hilliard. Certain things happened that we were in a situation that a chinese gang wanted our family dead. So live in Old-hilliard, in a small quite neighborhood... You wouldn't think there would be a drive by.. BUT there was! They shot out somewindows.. Thankfully nobody was hurt. So there is a good reason why I don't like violence, war and the such. I don't want to enlist, get a gun and shoot someone i've never met. Just like us, they too play the dangerous games their leader makes them play. So i would rather be a concientious objector and be an arabic translator. Sam *my former manager from syria who was teaching my arabic* would not like me doing so probally. Sam is a good guy... I didn't have him teach it to me bc we would eventually be at war. I would like to read the koran in it's native language, communicate with other, and expand my mind. I'm still not sure tho. I still want to go into college... I'm not enlisting just yet... It's funny how i would never enlist... But i'm not considering it. Me and wes are fighting now...heheh.. But he's a butthead! I found shirley jacksons "lottery" funny! and he didn't! Now we are debating... I hope you read this sometime! Hahahahah. And no! I've given up on men... So even tho jeremy is hott... And he didn't go on your lil date... I'm not bugging! Ok... Now were on jeremy, and men not allowed to think another man is attractive.. Even though i'm gay.. I know the woman who works at Victoria Secrets at CityCentre is beautiful and has killer legs! Otay.. I think taht is over... Price chopper quy. Je vous aimez.. Est-ce que je peut tutoyer? A la prochaine! Marky |
| Wednesday, February 5th, 2003 | |
| 6:30 pm | "Shi'`yat!" Today was a good day. Not yet perfect. There is so much I don't understand. Nor do I want to. I just want to get throught HighSchool. Speaking of which. It has become evident that we are going to war. Lieutenant Colonel Glen Jackobson has been called out to a "hostile place". He is a "shop" teacher at our school. He won't be coming back he says. My mind set is that; I don't want war. I am totaly against any kind of violence. And number two, I don't want to think about any of the kind untill i have to. There is too much i need to straighten out before i think or war reparations. I am still wondering about what is up with me and crystal. Things are confusing. Replying to Price Chopper Guy; ~Comme vous souhaitez. Je vous dirai. C'est le Smashing Pumpkings. Je cherche la chanson qu'il a ecrit.~ *as you wish. I will tell you. It's the Smashing Pumpkins. I am searching for the song he wrote.* You speak french. How sexy. And G'luck on getting the scholorship. Don't underesimate the power of being out? Hmm.. I think about it everyday.. To out, or not to out. That is the question. Wether tis' nobler to bear the slings of arrows, *uhmm, ok that's all i think i can remember..* Nirvana? Not happening? It seems to be something that needs to be worked at. When I clear my mind.. I am at peace, and i'm happy. On benig kicked out. Yes. I am seen as a High Risk student. Our school gets a bad grade on their report cards, based on attendance, graduation rate, etc. I have missed 1 too many days of school. Yes just one! *for a total of 8 days in one period of 9 weeks...* But I think i have now straighten things out. They fail anyone who misses over 7 days. So instead of getting what grade you were supposed to get yuo get an "f"... I think we are the only school that does it.. It is so stupid. And When I turn 18, they see me as not having to be there, *or any other student* And i am there at the leisure of the administration. Uhmm.. Today's what? Wednesday? I have to still find a job. Send in my college applications. Ask wes how his date went with jeremy! *Which makes me sad, because neither one is gay, because wes has all the luck.* *well it'd be nice if jeremy would consider it.. he's is SOOO CUTE!* I am going to the movies with Crystal friday, and the four of us are going back sunday. I'm going to have to tell her sometime or another i'm gay. I know it's just being friendly... We don't get along much. and when we do.. it's special. It's nice having someone to hold. And to argue with... *Found the song, Broken Heart* I guess he writes a lot of poetry. Hmm.. i'll write more later... Gotta find wes and kats...lol... Later, mark Readers' Comments 36 Ok..Sowwy! I was wrong.. Yeah.. It was billy corgan, but i guess he's zwan now? W/e.. It's his perrogative... But yea...A song from them and i found it!! Yea! - kornfreak ---------------------------------------- Je parle francais, non duh. Hehehe.... Mais, vous ne devez pas expliquer votre phrase, parce que j'ai compri... C'est tres drole que vous parlez francais aussi... C'est typiquement des tapets, non??? - PriceChopperGuy ---------------------------------------- Sorry to disappoint all those interested.....He stood me up. All the luck...yeah right. :,-( Needless to say I was disappointed. Better to not have a date than get stood up! - Wes ---------------------------------------- |
| Tuesday, February 4th, 2003 | |
| 10:42 pm | "Happiness is but a far away mirage." I'm happy right now. Ok.. Here's what happened. From School, went to bob evans for lunch. Saw Micki and June. Went to kmart. Saw Jessica and Crystal. So we walked around for a few hours. *left mom by accident.. didn't know so much time had passed.* so then I left with jess and crystal. We later went to Jessica's house and met Jessica's boyfriend. We had decided to do to the movies and see.. "just married"... or something with Ashton Kutcher. We didn't make it and went to Flying J's instead. Me and crystal was getting pretty close.. It felt so nice having someone to hold, cuddle and love on. Despite the fact I am gay. I love her to death, but not sexually. I'm confused.. I am so happy. She makes me happy. Oh and jessica's bf.. Derek.. I think he is perfect for jessica. He is so great! He even wrote a song for ********* ( a famous band...Really famous and kind old band..) He didn't want jessica to know. he says ppl treat him different when they find out. It was nice being with such good friends. And Meeting new ones. Tonight was excellent. I feel good. I'm in awe.. It's weird... I'm one of those ppl who at their happiest moment in their life, looks sad.. I hate that look. Well I must be off... I should be getting to bed... Uhmm.. I'll try to write everyone's replies later... Love mark Readers' Comments 35 I WANT TO KNOW WHICH BAND!!!! DITES MOI DITES MOI!!!!! *tell me tell me* - PriceChopperGuy ---------------------------------------- Don't quit things. It all happens for a reason, I promise. Talk to the guy in Columbus, even meet him. There's nothing wrong with getting close, as long as you're careful. I've learned that. Everything will work out. I'm here for you no matter what though. - Tallow ---------------------------------------- |