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Writing from my dad's office in Shanghai, on my half-brother's tiny VAIO laptop. It's a tiny beauty with an iridescent black cover and the smallest keypad that my clumsy, giant fingers stumble over, and it's adorable. It makes me sort of want to discard my MacBook, which is suspiciously second-hand judging from the slightly scratched-up state of the charger, and abscond with it.
My first day in Shanghai was boring and uneventful. Mom woke me up at the ungodly hour of 5:15 AM because of an unrational fear that customs would take me eons to get through. She said that according to the newspapers, the Beijing airport is really cracking down on liquid substances being brought onto the planes. Sometimes I think my life would be so much easier if my mom was banned from watching TV or reading newspapers -- she seriously believes every single word the media tells her. Obviously she didn't take Health class in high school! Unsurprisingly, I was done with customs and was heading towards my designated gate number 41 at 6:30 AM. Thus, for two hours I was condemned to the uncomfortable, rubber-colored, stick-to-your-thighs airport chairs, whereupon I read myself senseless. The Internet wouldn't work for me because it was the payable-by-mobile type of service and I'd (stupidly) left my cell phone at home.
My flight was probably the most exciting part of my day, honestly. After I landed in Shanghai it was straight to the office to pick up Dad. Then it was lunch, more office -- more senseless reading, although this time it was upon his massage chair, which made it altogether a more enjoyable experience -- then dinner, then home, then shower, then sleep. Where was the glam in all this? Where was the jetset lifestyle, the shopping sprees, the caviar? The only evidence of wealth was the new state-of-the-art Benz that caught a few pedestrians' eyes when we drove past them in the streets. Overall, fairly disappointing.
I'm just kidding. I'm not here to milk the juice, obviously. I'm here to see my ol' Dad, who I hadn't realized I missed that much until I saw him. It's really not that bad being around Dad anymore. Either I've matured, or he's really mellowed, but being around him isn't the awkward business it used to be. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it'll stay that way for the rest of my visit. I can remember only-too-well the last visit full of unnecessary drama and whining and heaven forbid -- even tears, although I can't recall why they made a presence.
Anyway. Today promises to be yet another dull day, and I almost wish I'd brought along my math homework to the office with me this morning so I could at least be a little productive instead of just wasting my time and being bored out of my mind. At least I could be productive and bored, you know? Although Dad said over breakfast that he was going to send one of his secretaries to accompany me shopping. I'm slightly insulted. I'm 17, for crying out loud, I really don't need a 20-year-old accompanying me anywhere, much less shopping. At the same time I'm also horrified, because I really am in no shape -- physically -- to go shopping. The past two days I have been eating disastrously and I'm sure there have been repercussions that have showed up visibly... I don't really feel like walking into a boutique, picking out something pretty and then being mortified when I find out, in front of my dad's skinny, 20-year-old secretary, that I'm simply too big for the clothes. I wish I were bird-boned and petite like Michelle, but unfortunately I'm athletic, medium-boned, and half a head taller than most other Chinese girls my age.
Sucks to be me.
There's not much else to report, possibly because it's only 9:26 AM. If anything of consequence happens later today, I will update, but chances are very, very slim...
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15:17
So something DID happen. I went shopping! Yes, with one of my dad's many lady workers, except maybe she was older than twenty. I swear to God, there are sooo many women working for my dad. The female to male ratio in this workspace is like, 5:1. Haha, lucky guys.
I actually know this woman, but we haven't seen each other in at least two years, so at first things were a little awkward. She's really nice, though, and eventually we got talking. There are so many street boutiques and little shops in Shanghai, MUCH more than in Beijing. I love the shopping opportunities here. I think I could be content moving here, actually. I mean, there's The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf like, right across the street from my dad's office building. I bet that's where the office workers get their morning caffeine fix. Walking down the streets, it seems as though the women in Shanghai are taller than the ones in Beijing. They're also more pulled-together, sophisticated, fashionable, well-dressed. I guess in a nutshell Shanghainese women are more feminine, whereas the women in Beijing have either no fashion sense (if they're immigrant workers from the countryside), wear powersuits all day (if they're the spearheading CEO of some Forbes 500 corporation), or walk around with ridiculous ponytails, slouchy sweaters and Converse shoes (if they're the hip-and-happening Beijing teensters). I feel like if I moved here for a while, after one or two months I'd begin to get influenced by the fashions I see in the streets and start dressing more like a lady, too. I guess another factor that shaped my fashion sense is the fact that my mom rarely takes me shopping to the more high-end places like Mango, H&M... you know, the "big" shops located in malls. In reality, they're not that expensive. Today I walked into my first H&M store, and I felt like I could buy anything and everything in the place. In fact, the myriad of choices stunned me and I couldn't isolate one article of clothing that I liked better than anything else, so in the end we walked out of there with empty hands. Plus we had just had a gigantuan lunch (seriously, we ordered at least 8 dishes for just us two) and I didn't feel like trying anything on in my state of bloatedness. One thing I know for sure -- once I slim down a bit I'm definitely making a revisit to that shop -- a new store just opened in Beijing and I don't care what my mom says, I'm going to make my first ever H&M purchase. Maybe I'll drag along a few friends to go shopping with me and we can spend extravagant amounts of money at Mango, Vero Moda, and ONLY.
Speaking of Shanghainese women, I came to a realization about myself today. For a long time I've been searching for a role model, a young woman whom I can look up to, be it living and breathing or fictional -- as in the character in a story or movie. I've been through tons of Hollywood young celebrities like recyclable paper underwear -- Bridget Vreeland, Michelle Rodriguez, Cameron Diaz, Hayden Panettiere... even a brief stint with Lucy Liu, although when I tried her on for size she was decidedly more plastic than paper. Today I realized that instead of choosing a ready-made celebrity role model to become my role model, I should create my own woman, a girl who possess all of the qualities that I think ideal. By striving to become this ideal woman, eventually I will become her. It's like this guy says in this article. I need to visualize myself as the sort of person I'd like to be. At this particular point in my life things are a little confusing because I want to be aspire to be two very different people with contrasting personalities. On the one hand I fantasize myself being this androgynous girl with the short, almost boyish haircut and clothes that are inspired by men's fashions, yet still retain enough feminity for me to be able to show off my body. Sort of like the singer Aria in Valeria's music video for "Girl I Told Ya." On the other hand, I also sort of want to be this graceful, self-possessed Asian beauty with the long, flowy mane of jet-black hair, the fashionable, Gossip Girl-esque wardrobe -- the sort of woman corporate businessmen and lawyers lust over. You know, the character Mia Mason in Cashmere Mafia, played by Lucy Liu. I don't think it's possible to integrate these two so very different characters together, at least not in terms of physical characteristics. So I'm at a crossroads. I know I should choose one of the two and stick with it, but what if I want both experiences? In regards to so many aspects of my life right now I feel like I'm at a crossroads and I have to choose between two diverging paths. Oh, Robert Frost, why can't you still be alive today to tell me what path I should choose, since you are, after all, the master of picking from random paths in a random forest?
11:11 PM
I must lose weight. I must lose weight. I must lose weight. I shall lose four kilograms by May 28th -- thats 0.45 kilograms per week. I shall, I shall, I shall. I simply must. Here's how I plan to do it:
- Exercise 3-4 times per week STRENUOUSLY (no, PE classes don't count!)
- Eat 400 calories for breakfast (oatmeal), 400-500 calories for lunch (small to large salad), 200-300 calories for a late afternoon snack (2 to 3 different fruits), and around 400 calories for dinner (bit of rice, soup, lots of veggies and protein)!
- Make the switch of full fat milk to skim milk again -- and ignore Mom's insistence that skim milk has "less protein/calcium." As if!
- Keep getting inspired and motivated by reading up on newest information about health and fitness
- Reward myself often with fitting clothes everytime I lose some weight (don't be afraid to be a shopper! Embrace your inner shopaholic!)
I think I'll take some pictures periodically to keep track of my weight loss. I don't know if I should also keep a diet diary. Definitely not for the rest of my life, but maybe tracking my food and caloric intake for a week will help me decide how to modify my diet.
First thing I'm going to do when I get back to Beijing -- tell Mom I'm switching back to skim milk and get rid of the peanut butter -- forever! Plus I want to learn healthy recipes, like how to make my own salad and such. I'm excited! Ha ha ha.
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