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mood |
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Diana Ross & The Supremes - Baby Love |
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Joel actually updated before I did. Will wonders never cease! *laughs* I'm kidding. Okay, so I guess you heard from his update... and possibly from everywhere else that we're having twins. I still can't believe it. My mind is still reeling from shock that I'm not having one baby, but two. Two boys. Which I think is a conspiracy. There's already three Madden boys on the bus! Now there's gonna be five! What the hell man. Girls are being outnumbered, I swear. KRISTIN, GET PREGNANT AND HAVE GIRL TRIPLETS. Sob.
When the doctor announced yesterday that I was having twins, it was just... I can't even explain it. I became completely dizzy, it was hard to breathe, my heart started to pound and next thing I knew, Joel was leaning over me with a worried look and patting my cheek. I sat up after and asked the doctor if she was sure it was twins. She turned to the screen and pointed out two distinctive little bodies there, pointing out Baby A and Baby B. I had pulled the screen closer to have a better look and just stared. It was the most wonderful thing I'd ever seen. I felt tears come to my eyes and all I could do was thank Joel when I pulled him closer for a kiss. He blessed me with two babies, how could I ever really thank him? After we were done, Joel couldn't stop staring at the picture. It was such a cute sight, seeing him sitting down with the picture in his hands, the biggest smile on his face as he looked down at it. He's going to be such a wonderful dad, seriously. I know it.
We headed to McDonald's thereafter and my food actually ended up being thrown down his pants. I have this habit of starting food fights, I'm not exactly sure why. I do it everywhere. Well, almost everywhere. He got the most disgusted look on his face after I had thrown the food down and he got up and waddled to the bathroom. HAHAHAHAHA. My husband.WADDLED. It was fucking hilarious and cute all at the same time. I ran into the men's bathroom right after, yelling Joel's name and scared the living shit out of several men who were taking a piss in their urinals. Haha. So I called out Joel's name and got the reply of, "WHAT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!" I ended up crawling on the floor besides the stalls, looking underneath the stall doors and looking for Joel's shoes. I thought I saw them, but when I poked my head underneath the door and looked up, I figured it wasn't him when the guy gave me the most shocked look I'd ever seen and screamed, "WHAT THE HELL!" Oops. I apologized and continued with my search until I finally found him. He started laughing and pulled me inside. I ended up stealing his pants and running outside to the car. *cracks up* I wonder how that looked. A pregnant woman waddling insanely to the parking lot. *dies laughing* Joel ran out in his boxers, I swear I thought he was going to kill me. He had that "MUST-MURDER-MY-WIFE" look about him.
I ended up returning his pants though, when a group of girls walked by and looked at him. o.o. Hi yes. I've become a little possessive/protective of my husband, so I ended up threatening them and yeah, you bet your ass they walked a little faster away. DON'T MESS WITH A PREGNANT LADY, BITCHES. ;x *coughs* Anyway. We ended up sitting there in the parking lot and pulling out one of our infamous long talks. It surprises me how much I enjoy talking to him. Even if we bring up subjects we've already talked about.
We talked a good while about the babies and what would happen if they were born. We decided on getting the house I had seen on Edisto Beach in North Carolina. It's seriously a really nice fucking place with wide open spaces and the deck leads to a gazebo right on the beach. Yeah, I'll probably show pictures or something later. Anyway. I told him I'd be moving in after the babies are born so I could take proper care of them. I can't exactly do that on a bus with tons of people milling around and everyone cramped up in the bunks. There would be no place to put the babies. I need room to move around and it's hard to do that when I can't take two steps forward without bumping into someone. He got worried about me having to take care of the babies by myself while he's on tour and said he'd enlist his mom to help me. I don't want him to do that at all. I don't want to trouble his mom or anyone else into helping me. I think I need to learn how to do this by myself. It's going to be hard but it'll be a learning experience. I don't want anyone but Joel to share it with me. Maybe I'm being greedy or something but I just want to do this by myself. All my life I've always had someone helping me with something. Someone standing over my shoulder watching my every movement and telling me what to do. I don't want that anymore. Not when it concerns my babies.
I want to struggle with the diapers by myself, I want to do the midnight feeding by myself, I want to run back and forth when they both cry and I go insane trying to figure out what they need. Yes, I really do want that. I know I can do that by myself. I think I'm old enough to be able to handle things on my own. And I know it worries him that I have to do it by myself, but honestly... don't be. I'll be okay.
So after we were done beating that subject down, we got ready to leave and he said really quickly, I wouldn't have heard it if I hadn't been paying close attention, "I wonder if my dad was ever this happy when he found out mom was pregnant with twins." I had like, no answer to that because I didn't want to end up saying the wrong thing to him. But I don't know. I guess I have my answer ready. And if I've said the wrong thing, then so be it. *shrugs* I believe your dad was pretty damn happy when he found out he was going to be the father of two beautiful twins. Much like how you're feeling right now. I mean, he had to have been. How can you not be happy in such a momentous time? He stayed with your family that long, helping you guys at least to go as far as you did in life. Sure, he left at the worst fucking time, but I hope you don't think it had anything to do with you. He was just having issues and he didn't know how to deal with it. So he did what most people do when faced with such a trying time in their lives, they run.
And... yeah. I don't know how that would have helped. I'm pretty sure I said the wrong thing. *shakes my head* But my main point was, he was happy. He did love you. He just ended up throwing his life away over nothing. The end. I'm shutting the hell up. I know that's like, a touchy subject or something. And I have no place saying whatever I can about it.
I'm going to buy candy. I ran out yesterday. :\ Luckily, I'm in a better mood than the one I was in yesterday.
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