Mandy Moore's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Mandy Moore [ website | Split Chick. ] [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[06 Sep 2003|05:14pm] I have moved my journal. New Journal 1 comment|post comment

Oh baby baby... [01 Sep 2003|10:59pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Fountains of Wayne - Hit Me One More Time ] Today was Jessi and Joey's wedding. It was beautiful and Jessi, as always, looked gorgeous. I swear, that girl could make the Virgin Mary feel ugly or something. She's so hot. Congratulations on the wedding, by the way. I'm so glad you gave me the chance to be a part of your day. And that rhymed. I could be a poet! Heyyy. So. I miss everyone. I miss nickolas_gene and brian_littrell. Where the hell have these two been anyway? I MISS YOU GUYS. COME BACK. Um. And I think elijahjordan already left for New Zealand without me and Matt B. Sonofabitch! You didn't wait for us. Now we're going to have to fly over there and... and... and hang you upside down somehow. Rawr. From a tree. With just your panties on. Muahaha. Wow, that's kind of embarrassing. Ooh. Tonight is brody_arms and benjaminmadden's one year anniversary. CONGRATULATIONS! Both of you are complete saps and I love you. So I was reading this newspaper the other day and I read that there was this little 18 year old kid who got arrested for modifying that BLASTER virus that's corrupted like thousands of computers. Holy hell. First you got some aging ugly old men bombing the World Trade Center, now you got kids in high school corrupting computers worldwide.WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO THESE DAYS? Everyone will update tomorrow. Or least most of you. Or you will all SUFFER. Goodnight :D 18 comments|post comment

Tonight I'm gonna make it up to you... [30 Aug 2003|11:37pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Westlife - Tonight ] It's kind of weird being pregnant again. Maybe 'weird' is the wrong term to use. I don't know the right word. All I know is that I'm more aware of what's going on inside of me. And I'm even more sensitive to everything happening around me. Maybe it's just me but the second time around seems a bit more mellow. My morning sicknesses aren't as bad as it was the first time I was pregnant with the boys. And I definitely eat a lot more. I hope it's a girl. My fingers are constantly crossed, and every so often when I get the chance to, I silently pray I get to have a girl. I'm not exactly positively sure why I'm so fixated on the thought of having a daughter. I guess in a way, every mother will want to have a daughter of her own. I daydream constantly of having the kind of relationship my mom and I don't have. I guess maybe that's why I want a daughter so bad. I wrestle a lot with the thought that I'm going to become just like my mother when this kid gets to be in her teens. I've always heard the saying that if you always say you're never going to be like your parents, you're going to be like your parents. I don't know about that, but I really don't want to become like my parents. Especially not like my mother. Like my dad, yeah. I think that if I grow up to become just like my dad, I'd be blessed. But I do know that I won't become like my mom. I refuse to. I'm never going to treat my kids the way my mom treats me. Never. So I was in a bad mood earlier. Joel was trying to talk to me and I was trying to ignore him. Mood swings. I really wish we didn't have to have them. I didn't want to snap at him while he was trying to be nice to me, so I kind of just shut my eyes and laid down. After a while, I got annoyed at just laying there doing nothing so I stood up and went out to the beach. Sat myself down on the edge of the gazebo and watched the waves roll right on top of the other. You know, I've never mentioned this before, but married life is nothing as I imagined it to be. Ever since I was little, I used to have this vision of what I'd wanted my married life to be like. I've always imagined like... a quaint little house in a town, surrounded with a white picket fence, trees with leaves falling and swirling all around. Me with my husband and our two or three kids and our golden retriever. Me being a full-time housewife, taking care of the house and the kids while my husband worked a part-time job somewhere and he'd come home and everything would be all cozy and perfect. And we'd eat those healthy dinners and at the end we'd curl up by the fire and watch TV or something. I was eight years old when I thought this crazy fantasy up and sometimes even to this day, I still think about it. I wonder what it would be like to live in that fantasy. I mean when you look at my life to my daydream, you'd probably take a step back at how different it all turned out to be. While at the moment, I am a full-time housewife, at some point, work, my full-time job as a singer/actress is going to call me back to reality. I live a life where privacy is very, very limited. And my husband has a full-time job where I end up not being able to see him for weeks or days on end. There's no such thing as healthy dinner or sometimes dinner. A lot of times, I'm too tired to eat but as long as the boys have something to fill their tummy, I'm fine. Don't get me wrong though. I'm not complaining at all about the life I have with Joel. There's such a thing as too much of a good thing and my daydream? That was a little going overboard. I'm happy with my life. It's not perfect but it makes me happy. Yeah. I'm happy. 5 comments|post comment

I love you, Jessi. [30 Aug 2003|09:43pm] Because I'm going to leave Joel for Jessi, this song is for her. . . ( Jessi, my sexeh babeh ) 5 comments|post comment

help me I'm falling in love again... [28 Aug 2003|01:38am] [ mood | choked up ] Okay. I love this man with all of my heart. He is just simply put the most amazing guy in the world. I swear no one could ever or will ever take his place. This has been one of those amazing nights that we've had. He's made it one to remember, I'll tell you that. When he said he was going to surprise me, he should have said blown away because that's exactly what I was. Just . . . completely knocked off my feet. I guess it started when he blindfolded me and led me over to the car. And despite my many pleadings and pouting, he absolutely refused to give me any hints. Not even an itty bitty one. So we arrived at the place he had wanted to go to. And he still didn't let me in on his plans. We walked for a bit until he asked me to take a really giant step. Which understandably, I did not get one bit but I did anyway and landed in something that rocked heavily from the impact. So hint given ;; I was in a boat. He led me over to a seat and told me to sit down and hang on tight and for a few moments, we were in motion, riding through the water until he finally stopped the boat. And I couldn't hear the waves anymore. The only thing I could hear was the soft lapping of the water. He still wouldn't let me take off my blindfold and so obediently, I sat there and waited, listening as he rummaged around. And I could hear him too. I could hear him tinkering around the boat and moving stuff. I could even hear him mumbling under his breath. I never caught the words, but I heard his voice. After a few more moments, I felt him ease the blindfold off my face and stood back to let me see what he'd been doing. And . . . whoa. He'd set up candles all around the boat's deck. Everywhere I looked there were candles. And right in the middle was a table ladened with Italian food he'd cooked himself. Joel like, never cooks. I swear, this whole year, the closest he ever got was a turkey sandwich. And he cooked italian dinner for me. All by himself. And it was actually delicious. And no, I'm not insulting him. Heh. I devoured my dinner. And then when I asked for more, he came out with a slice of cheesecake which we fed to each other. After drinking some grape juice disgused in a wine bottle, we took a little swim out in the ocean. It was cold, but it was so calming. I felt very much at ease in the water. As if the dinner and the boat and everything else wasn't enough for me, he said he had another surprise waiting for me in the boat. He was really excited about this one so he carried me back up to the boat and let me up the ladder. I know for a fact that he only let me up the ladder first to stare at my butt. Haha. But it's alright, for now. As soon as we got on the boat, he covered my eyes and led me down under the deck and into the bedroom where he had the room covered in rose petals. I swear, he never fails to surprise me. Even when he doesn't think he does, he does. All the time. After a while, we sat down on the edge of the mattress where he pulled out a tiny book from beneath the pillow and gave it to me, saying something about not getting a chance to wrap it. I took the book, thinking it was a journal he'd given me to write it, but when I leafed through it, I noticed that it was already written in. And as I looked through the pages, Joel explained that a little bit before we got married, he'd kept a journal to himself. Of all his thoughts about me and everything he'd been feeling at the time. Lyrics, pictures, poems. It was all there. And I just got this tiny lump in my throat. Before I could react, he took the book from my hands and flipped to the inside cover and read outloud. Something he'd written to me: For My Wife. This is something I started a little before we got married. There's never been a time that I've questioned my love for you. Even before we got married I knew we'd end up together forever. Every song I sing, I sing for you. Every breath I breathe, I breathe for you. I guess I hope this book will serve as proof of that. I love you, I always will. Happy Anniversary - Love Joel. I read that over and over. Probably five times and when I looked up at him, I was crying. The feelings were just so intense. I couldn't believe I was sitting there with this... this amazing person. This gift from up there, you know? As corny as that sounded. All I could do was stare at him, stare at every inch of his face and memorize just that moment right there. Where it was just him and me and no one else. And even when I get old and I can't remember this day to its exact details, I'll always remember the feeling. And I'll always keep that book with me no matter what and I'll hide it and make sure no one ever touches it and nothing ever happens to it. And I'm getting choked up again so I'm stopping right here. I love you Joel. 14 comments|post comment

I'm feeling like a fool again. [26 Aug 2003|11:19pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | Sugarcult - Bouncing On The Walls Again ] There hasn't been much happening lately after realizing I was pregnant again. Joel and I didn't get to celebrate our anniversary again like I thought we would, but that's alright. There's actually nothing I can talk about right now. The movie "Upside to Anger" that I was going to be in -- I cancelled on it. I guess I'm just too busy to do another but which is too bad actually. I was looking forward to being in a film with Kevin Costner. I mean, he's one of my favorite actors, seriously. I first saw him on "Prince of Thieves" and totally fell in love with him there. And then when I saw him again on "The Bodyguard".. whoo. Let's not even go there. It turns out that my 'Drop The Pilot' single has been dropped (no pun intended, I swear), and instead, they're using 'Have A Little Faith' as the first single from the Coverage album. WHICH, by the way, will be released on October 21st. So you know, if you want to, you can all get it. And support me. And stuff. /end shameless plug Sooo. How about them yankees? \\ lucky_basstard Hi. *waves* 14 comments|post comment

I don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump and grind ;D [25 Aug 2003|10:39am] [ mood | content ] [ music | R. Kelly - Bump and Grind ] Hah, how old is this song? I haven't heard it in forever. I want to have sex to this song. Haha. I'm losing my updating touch. Bleh. I'll try to improve it, though I can't guarantee it. Anyway. Before I go on with this update, congratulations to timbafuck_me and shauna_. Did I say that yet? Yes, I did. And I'm still rooting for being the flower girl. Faith can share the aisle, yo. I'll just be the tall chick walking behind her and throwing flowers in people's faces. Kidding. So. Joel showed up last night. And coincidentally, last night was our one-year anniversary. Holy shit. An entire year of being married to him. I don't even know where to begin with that. It's surreal thing to realize that I've dedicated my life to him for more than a year and we've got two kids to show for it. I'm not regretting a damn thing about it, either. I love him with all my heart and soul and I'm so happy that through this rough first year we've had together, we stuck it out. We had our extremely good times and we've had our major bad times. There were days where I didn't think we'd make it through, where I thought, This is it. This is end of us, but luckily, we've managed to work things out between us. Last night was spent outside, flinging mud at each other's faces. Can you imagine a better way to celebrate? A mud fight. I'm pretty sure that later on, the real celebration will come up, but last night was good. It was raining and I had asked him to walk outside to get something for me that I had left behind. I'm pretty sure he was expecting that I had something waiting for him outside, some kind of present just waiting for him to open it. Instead, the moment he stepped outside, I ran up behind him and knocked him into a mud puddle. His face was priceless. After he got over the initial shock that I had just pushed him in a puddle, dressed in these nice clothes and all, a mud war ensued. If you've never had a mud fight with your husband, I reccomend it. It's fun. All that aside, I guess it's time to tell everyone what the hell's going on since I've been keeping it sort of to myself. I hadn't told anyone except for Brody, since she was there at the time it happened and she had told Jessi. But among them, I'm not sure if anyone else knew. I didn't want to say anything at all until I told Joel and I told him last night. Right before I pushed him out of the house. I'm pregnant again. We'd been trying for a girl, and I hope this one here's a girl, but if not, that's alright because we'd love our child just the same. Daniel and Trent are going to become big brothers! I'm really, really excited about it. And I know Joel is. I know he wants another child. I feel like jumping up and down, I swear, but I'll restrain myself just for the moment and write this out because I need to get it out. Even though I'm not looking forward to all the morning sicknesses, the bad dreams that come along with the irrational fear, and the constant peeing and tummy ache, I'm excited about everything else. To see my stomach grow again, to waddle around like a penguin (even though Joel and everyone else will make fun of me for it again), the shopping spree to the toy store and the clothing store. Hell, I'm even excited about the whole... waking up Joel in the middle of the night to ask him to run to the store and get me something to eat that I've suddenly had a craving for. I'm not sure if he's excited about that one because he tends to lose sleep because of me, but heh. Oh well. What I'm even more excited about though is feeling this baby kick and seeing pictures of it at sonograms and listening to its heartbeat. I can't wait for it. I'm half-wishing this baby would kick already, and Joel can rub my stomach and talk to it and tell ridiculous things about the world like he did with the twins. If it's a girl, I can already see Joel and her brothers getting all protective over her. I'll probably have to fight all three of them to let her go on a date with some poor guy who wants to take her out. Okay, I'm stopping now before I get too excited and ahead of myself and start rambling about this baby. But I'm so excited. I know I've said this already, but I am. I'm ready to squeal and hug everyone and jump like an idiot. Which... I will do as soon as I press update. xD Bye. 16 comments|post comment

Figure out the difference... [22 Aug 2003|11:30pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Nick Carter - Help Me ] My ex is an asshole and needs to stop calling my house every freakin' five minutes. Someone please tell him to fuck off. So I actually signed on today. It seems like I miss j__madden everytime I come around or something. Which... sucks, then again I can't do anything about it. I hung out with trent_fordand matthew__brann the other day at the buttcrackof dawn. That was nice though. They can take me to get some frappuccino anyday. Haha, we had fun. I think Trent was ready to go back to sleep, though. I never seen anyone so dead in the middle of drinking coffee. Then again, I feel dead right now. I'm so tired. I need some sleep. timbafuck_me has offically named me 'CLAWS', and no one else but him can call me that because it's just a rule. So nobody else can call him 'UGLAY' since it's my nickname for him. I'm supposed to take shauna_ out shopping tomorrow, and that I'm supposed to have her back by three. BUT GODDAMMIT I WILL TAKE HER SHOPPING AND BRING HER BACK WHENEVER THE HELL I WANT! ... three o'clock? How about 2:45? -smiles- So I'm sitting here watching 3rd Rock From the Sun. Haha. I haven't seen this show in like, forever. I'm talkin to kreuk__k right now. I miss her. And look at me jumping from sentence to sentence. I feel like going to sleep. I'm sleepy. Goodnight. 10 comments|post comment

I'll be there for you... [21 Aug 2003|01:33pm] [ mood | relaxed ] [ music | NSYNC - Selfish ] I had a nice time with Brody last night. I hadn't hung out with her in so long. I can't even remember the last time I got to hang out with her and just chill. I walked into the house dressed up like a four year old girl singing this Christmas song that made her bust up laughing so hard, haha. I was feeling unsually hyper that night. I dragged her ass out of the house along with Nathan, Daniel, Trent and headed to a nearby carnival.That was awesome. I ripped up the sidewalk pushing the stroller and screaming my head off while she struggled to keep up with me. We didn't do anything other than sit on the ferrish wheel and make asses out of ourselves. She then grabbed my hand and we all left the carnival and went to a store where we bought.. stuff. After that, we went to bed, only I couldn't sleep and ended up laying there, staring out the window while listening to the babies' breathing and making sure they were alright. I read Kat's entry only I didn't get to form a response. I guess this is a good spot to say what I wanted to say when I read it. So if your name isn't Katherine Heigl, stop reading now. -- Kat, I don't know where to begin. I'm so happy to have you back in my life. The real you; not the one that I had to deal with for a while.I'll never understand what happened and I'm sure don't either so I won't try to analyze it because there's no point. I knew that wasn't you. Not the Kat that I knew. I've missed you so much. When we first met, I never thought that we'd become best friends. I thought it was just pure luck that we even got along together at all.But all the things that we went through, that speaks volumes of our friendship. There's so much between us than just fond memories. We've been through the hardest things together and I'm never going to just willingly throw everything away. I've always held onto to that glimmer of hope that we'll get back to how we were before. You never just my best friend to me, you were like my sister. You and Brody both. Granted that one of you became my sister-in-law, haha. Anyway, I'm never going to forget it.There are days where I'll sit there and reminisce about the good old days when we were attached to the hip. I mean, nobody ever saw one of us without the other. The many times where we'd share a private joke or run to each other crying our eyes out, it's all been stored up and held inside the most secret areas of my heart. There's only so much that I can say about how relieved and ecstatic I am about having you back in my life. I don't know where to begin. I felt like a part of me was missing when you strayed from me. You kind of lost me. I can't help but feel like maybe everything is going to be okay again now that you're with me again. I got my best friend back. ;D I love you. post comment

I want your love.. [20 Aug 2003|04:58pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | Keith Sweat - I'll Give All My Love To You ] Back in Los Angeles, probably imposing on Brody again. Heh. I spent last night sitting on the cliffs, sitting there bought so many memories back. Memories that are long long gone but will never die. Jumping off the cliff and into the water. I remember that. I remember the rush of adrenaline that would sweep over me right before my feet would leave the edge. Those were the days when nothing bothered me. I was drama-free and all I cared about was hitting that water and swimming around. So for old time's sake,I leaped. Clothes and all. I had no idea how much I missed that until I was suspended in the air and flying downward. Soon as I resurfaced from the water, the biggest smile was on my face. I miss having no cares at all. All the crazy shit I plled back in the days, I wish I could bring that all back. I stayed in the water for most of the night. Laying there on the water, staring at the sky and reminiscing. I wished that Kat was there sharing that. One of the most vivid memories I had had to do with an ice cream truck and two water-filled waterguns. The look on the guy's face was priceless. Man, I miss that. That was all before my babies, before my pregnancy, before my marriage, long before Joel. That's when I didn't give two shits about anything. Kat and I had so many awesome memories together. Like running around in the streets in the middle of a downpour, chasing cars and throwing mud around. If I had a time machine, I'd turn the clock back to that moment before we ran out of the house like two crazy lunatics. Growing up changes you so much. The moment you look down to see your stomach swelling in pregnancy is when you realize you need to stop fucking around because you've got someone else to care for. Your own self is just not a priority anymore. Don't get me wrong, Daniel and Trent are the greatest blessings in the world, but I guess everyone just wishes they could go back in time at least for a moment sometimes. When I compare the person I am now to the person I was, I see such significantly huge changes. Differences that speak of the volume of change. I know that for the most part, I'm still the same person that my friends know. I'm still willing to run around and knock over an ice cream truck, or go jumping off cliffs. But on the other hand, I worry about a completely different part of my life. The part that has two growing babies and a husband who's quickly growing more distant than a stranger I've never met before. And maybe that's just me, you know? The paranoid part of me that says that my marriage might fall apart soon. I dont know anything anymore. God, it's not often I voice my worries this way, but I'm only nineteen years old, I shouldn't have all these worries dancing around in my head. A lot of the time, I forget that I'm nineteen. I feel so much older most of the time. I'm not even twenty and I feel like shutting myself in a dark corner and going to sleep. I'm tired a lot now. Just weary. Tired of myself. I want to be held and lately I feel like it's just too much to ask. Like I don't deserve to be held and to be told that everything's okay. I need to stop whining and just suck up my worries. They're no use to me right now. I'm a big girl, this shouldn't faze me. Last night, I forgot about now and went back in time. And that's why I jumped. 3 comments|post comment

I don't always let it show.. [19 Aug 2003|01:54pm] [ music | Staind - Fill Me Up ] When I catch my breath, it's you I breathe. I've been tired a lot lately. Feeling sick and gagging on food when I try to eat. I feel fine but I hate feeling like complete shit and it's all I've been feeling for the past week or so. I don't know where I stand in life right now. I've been feeling completely mixed up and confused. The only thing that stands solid in my brain is the fact that Kat is back in my life. And it's the same Kat that I've known forever, not the girl I've been seeing lately, the one that hurts people and feels no remorse for it. I miss my old Kat and she's back. I'm grateful for that at least. I've been counting my blessings and you're one I can't live without. I miss Joel. I haven't uttered a word about him for a while, have I? But yeah -- I miss him. I'm sick of feeling... I don't know how I feel. I miss my friends. I miss Elijah and I miss Tobey and Jessi and Amy and Lyssa. I miss my Brody. You fill me up You're in my veins A look could take my breath away And all these things, you give away Sometimes I take for granted It's just like poetry inside To hear you breathing by my side Like I'm in Heaven and I've died So glad you're with me for this ride. 5 comments|post comment

[19 Aug 2003|02:25am] -whispers- I will write an update. Later on today. And it's going to be long. post comment

LET'S GET READY TO....ramble. [15 Aug 2003|09:26pm] [ music | NSYNC - God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You ] Oh my God, I haven't updated in FOREVER. That's the longest time I've gone without updating. Okay that's a lie the longest I've ever gone was like a week or two weeks or something, that really fucking killed me okay. Okay so I signed on and the first person I IMed was luckybasstard because I was listening to NSYNC and I wanted to sing to him so I sang and he fucking screeched. I was like, WTF MY SINGING WASN'T THAT BAD. And I was about to smack him but he said it wasn't my singing so I refrained myself. And I don't know why he doesn't like his own song I love that song, psh what the fuck. But then again, I HATE my Candy song and everyone sings it to me, I hate them all. I haven't spoken to anyone at all, I miss you all seriously. I talked to brody_arms for a little bit yesterday, heh, but I haven't really spoken to her and I talked to jessi_s and she gave me all this BLING-BLING. And I thought she was giving it to me because she LOVED me but oh no it was because of her wedding. Goddamn it. And where the fuck is heigl_?! SOMEONE TELL HER TO COME SEE ME. THAT BITCH. I'm just kidding I really love you. I really do because I haven't seen you in like forever and what the hell where the hell have you been come see me and the babies. Where has _tobeym been? I'm suffering from Tobey withdrawals, haha. Just like he's suffering from Mandy withdrawals or whatever it was he called it. :-\ I miss _maggs too. Wtf. I'm coming around more often like I used to do. So often you're all gonna be sick of seeing me on your buddylists and then you'll all have to take me off and then you'll IM me and be like, "STOP COMING ONLINE I HATE YOU BYE". Heh. Then I'll be sad and I'll hate you back only not really. I don't think I'm capable of hating anyone sometimes I think I'm too nice like that. I'll dislike someone for a while and then get completely over it. Hah. I can't believe Arnold Schwarsdfjlskjdf is gonna be California's governor. Or running for it. What the hell is the world coming to these days?! "Who's your governor?" "THE TERMINATOR!" hahahahah! 11 comments|post comment

>:O [11 Aug 2003|10:50pm] [ mood | cranky ] My computer sucks. For real. I'm going to try and make a proper update before I need to restart again. And yeah. Okay. Goodbye. *scowls* Someone shoot the microsoft company? 19 comments|post comment

Yo. [10 Aug 2003|10:28pm] [ mood | sldjflskjdflskvwoeitusldljhuy ] [ music | Monica - Street Symphony ] Can I update yet? I tried to get my fanfics for brian_littrell and nickolas_gene but my computer is a whore and won't let me so sorry, you'll have to wait a bit longer until I can get them up. But don't worry, I guarantee you will laugh at my supreme stupidity at fourteen years old and you'll both be sitting there and ask yourselves why you allowed me tour with you back in the days. _amylee shall have my babies. That is all. Goodnight. 7 comments|post comment

Heeeeey. [09 Aug 2003|02:36pm] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | Mr. Big - To Be With You ] Okay can someone tell xo_orlando_ox that he needs to fucking chill in the relationship department? I mean - HELLO, him and xc_aguilerax just broke off their engagement. And while Christina is already with Pierre, I can understand that because they used to go out meaning their feelings never died. But hi, this is same dumbass that went around telling everyone "I love Christina I love Christina" and all of a sudden he's completely over her. And there's like, no trace of remorse or anything. He just met this girl like what yesterday...? And they're already boyfriend and girlfriend and he's ALREADY saying their I love yous and talking about love at first sight? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. He didn't even give himself time to feel sad about their breakup- he was engaged for crying out loud and he just *POOF* moved on to the next available single girl. Wow, that was kinda fast, don'tcha think buddy? Just don't hurt the girl you're with now or I'll fucking hurt you even worse. Anyway now that I'm done bitching about that I was talking to _tobeym today. I decided that I'm going to move in with him because he a lot of chocolate bars in his fridge that I'm dying to get my hands on. He's a chocolate hoarder. He should share. I'm not just using him for the chocolate, no way! *shifty eyes* And he needs to talk to a certain someone. There's no sense in being all shy about it, I think she'll like you too. And no I'm not going tell any of you who it is, so you can bug me all you want, but I won't tell. Bahahaha. I can keep secrets, too. Don't try to bribe me with chocolate covered gummi bears either because um.. it won't work. Yeah. It really won't. I had a lot to talk about today but my brain is dead and yeah I'm still pissed about earlier, some people are just shallow and don't know what they really want in life. Honestly, it makes me sad seeing all these people these things to themselves. Can't make up their mind or anything. They're never gonna really find true happiness if they keep flitting around like a butterfly, you know? I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I've become all blunt with the things I've been saying lately and usually I'm too shy to say anything outloud because I'm afraid of hurting people's feelings but lately I just don't care anymore. It's like, "I hurt your feelings? Good. Fuck off." This is probably the result of hanging out with timbafuck_me. We all know he's blunt okay. Granted he can be the biggest dork on this side of the universe but he can also be an asshole which is more or less a good thing in some certain situations.Which reminds me, where the hell is shauna_. I can't even mention one without the other. It's sad. I'm sad. Hahahahaha. I don't know. Shut up. Anyway I'm done rambling. I love you, xc_aguilerax. Lots and lots and lots. 27 comments|post comment

You likeit when I ramble,admit it. [08 Aug 2003|01:31pm] [ mood | silskjdf HEEEEE! ] [ music | TLC - Creep ] Hi everyone. I just thought you should all know that _tobeym is nicknamed "Spidey" by me and if any of you dare call him that, I will punish you. See, the original punishment was hitting you with someone's dirty underwear, probably benjaminmadden's because we all know he doesn't shower I don't know how brody_arms stands it. Just kidding I love you. But now the punishment is going to be sitting through ten hours straight watching Barney prance across your screen singng that horrible horrible I Love You song. I was talking to ashlee___s today and I have to let you know that she's probably the cutest thing since sliced bread. Not that sliced bread is cute but - shut up she's just cute okay. Anyway, I think she said I was her favorite. Me and _trace. That's right fuckers. ME. Okay now don't be haters because you're not her favorites it's okay you'll get your turns. haha. She even put me in her profile how cute is that. She looks nothing like Jessi but what the hell, at least good looks run in the family right. Which is not something I can say about my family. We all know Kyle inherited all the good looks, that bastard. Anyway I think timbafuck_me and shauna_ are really cute together right. But I think Justin hates me because of my incessant bugging. I bug him all the time about Shauna and I think he wants to shoot me with his shotgun. But I won't let him. I'll scratch his eyes out with my claws. DON'T THINK I'M AFRAID TO USE THEM BECAUSE I'M NOT. I was looking through my old notebooks the other day and I found all these fanfics that I wrote when I was little. I was obsessed with brian_littrell and nickolas_gene (look! There you are!) because I had these crushes on them. It went back and forth between Brian, Nick, and AJ but my insistent fourteen-year old crush kept going to Nick because dude, everyone liked him. It was funny reading all my old stories, I wrote some good stories but holy hell they were corny. I bet if Nick picked up one of my stories and read about how his character would fall in love with my character, he'd bust a gut laughing at me then he'll write a song about how stupid Mandy Moore was. Not that I'm not stupid now but you know what I meant, sheesh. I was a stupid kid, okay. I used to watch Backstreet Boys live and pretend Nick was singing to me. I was pathetic, what the hell, but that was my teeny phase. I admit that I lapse into it sometimes like today when I went ballistic with Tobey Maguire, but it doesn't come often. Now I go teeny around brody_arms a lot because she is my idol. Isn't she sexy? I'm going to leave Joel for her and nobody can do anything about it sorry. I was looking through these old conversations in my file and holy God I found one with me, charmed_aly, Joel, and _amylee. We are such idiots, it's great. I was talking about Joel's hairy balls hahahaha I don't think any of you want to see that but maybe I'll post it in bestofaim, we'll see. If you want to see me in all my idiot glory, say "I". It's great because Joel talks about having a slumberparty with us and painting each other's nails. My husband was a girl in another lifetime and I was probably his lesbian lover or something to that effect. I haven't seen maggs_ in forever. Therefore when I come back from my vacation with Joel, I'm going to kidnap her and make hot heavy... pancakes with her in the kitchen. I know what you were all thinking. PERVERTS! Maggie was sexy when she starred in "Donnie Darko", even though I was dating her brother at the time, I still noticed her. I bet she didn't know I was dating Jake at the time. Sob. I did. I dated him for two months and then we mutually broke it off. We are still buddies! I miss Jake. We dipped candy together. We're weird like that. How did I start talking about him? Oh yeah. Maggie. Hi Maggie. I love you. Marry me. I'm going to marry a lot of people, wow. Too bad I can't really do it because I'm already married. :-[ But maybe you all can be my mistresses. Or something. Secret lovahs. Shut. This update turned long again. Don't you just love it when I ramble? I promise I won't do it again, if I can help it. One of these days, I'll make a meaningful update. That'll probably hit when I'm in my romantic sappy mood. Right now I'm in my "I'll ramble until I turn blue in the face"mood. Yep. *face turns blue* Eep. 42 comments|post comment

RAWR! [07 Aug 2003|10:44am] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Hilary Duff - So Yesterday ] I'm going to the zoo! I'm going to the zoo! I'm going to the zoo! I'm going to the zoo! I'm going to the zoo! I'm going to the zoo! I'm going to the zoo! I'm going to the zoo and I can't wait and I know that those of you who aren't going are now jealous because I get to go and you don't. I'm all dressed up in my overalls, werd. Mmkay jennee_garth is probably regretting letting me go haha but no I'm going to go especially since I'm going to bring my handy-dandy... BACKPACK and steal all the baby penguins I can find. hahahahahah. That was not evil. No sirree. I love my baby _simplypierre_. And I call him my baby because he is just that. Let's all ignore the fact that he is five years older than me and concentrate on the fact that he is my son and not yours. He is such an ass >:O He doesn't believe me when I told him a gabillion times that him and his band are kickass so I'm just going to let him hear what he wants to hear. PIERRE YOU SUCK HARDCORE! I'm kidding. I love you. You are an amazing singer, we should do a duet and make everyone stand in awe of the shiznitz that is Mandy Moore and Simple Plan. Holy hell I said 'shiznitz', someone shoot me. I'm in this chatroom and I swear to God, I thought jennee_garth said, "I can't sing... but yet it's my handjob." Haha, but she really said, "...but yet it's my job." And they all laughed because hi, I'm an idiot and somehow saw the word "hand" when it wasn't there. What the hell. I need to change my precription I bet. My doctor is a quack. I'm going to stab him with a spork. j__alba is in love with her cucumber. Pierre keeps saying I hate him, what the hell is wrong with him, I do not. erik__michael makes me go teeny I think I scare him I'm sorry I will not scream and stand in awe of you anymore. I said I was going to mention chriskeeto in here. Whoops there he goes. Can I come over to your house and play with the pinball machine?! I'll bring Joel with me and we can have a roarin' good time! I sounded just like a really bad advertisement for some cheapskate rip-off hotel resort. Okay goodbye. P.S. P Air Bouvier (10:41:17 AM): *licks Mandy* GET HORNY Why does that disturb me. EDIT -- I think I'm falling in love with x_erin_x because she is so cute even though she is currently doping herself up on vodka or something, that's okay because I think she'd be beautiful with throwup on her face. And why did I just disgust myself. Something is wrong with me today, Jesus Lord. Look Erin, you're in more than one sentence! ERIN ERIN ERIN. ERIN. ERIN. ERIN. ERIN. ERIN. ERIN. Dude, your name is hot. ERIN. ERIIIIIIIIIIN. That sounded orgasmic right. Okay. JOEL MADDEN!!!!! ... P Air Bouvier (10:46:51 AM): NO I WANT TO FUCK MY FATHER ... watch out. 6 comments|post comment

I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE. [07 Aug 2003|06:34am] [ mood | ldkjflakjsjaoijra ] [ music | Backstreet Boys - As Long As You Love Me ] Hi everyone. I took off that huge layout of me that was up. If you didn't see it, oh well, sucks for you. Now it's all plain. Plain but pretty, shut the hell up. timbafuck_me has this obsession with trimming my toenails. He's disgusting, don't talk to him. >:O I haven't seen brian_littrell in a while. WHY? He needs to come and show his face because this little girl needs her pedophiliac old man. That just sounds sick sick sick but that's why Brian and me are friends. We're two very perversed individuals. I haven't listened to any of my Backstreet Boys albums in like a year or something. Okay I exaggerate. More like a few months but who cares - I'm listening to their greatest hits album. All I Have to Give has always been my favorite song because it's a pretty song and I can do their little hat dance. I'm cool like that, that's why. You know what, I miss AJ McLean. Where the hell has he been? We need him. Yes. Someone tell AJ McLean to get his cute butt over here and talk to me because I miss him lots. He was always so nice to me. Well everyone was, but AJ was cool. No I'm not playing favorites >:O If I have to play favorites, I'd say Frack and Frick are my favorites. It's no contest, no. I love them all. Shut up. I'm confusing myself. No I am not avoiding talking about what happened yesterday. mlovato and me got into a fight. He has a nice right hook for a punch and I gave him a blistered lip. It was fun. We should do it again. And now Joel and me are going away with the babies because we can't stand any of you. I'm just kidding. We want to go on a vacation, okay, don't miss us too much. I'll still go online and bother the hell out of you people. If you want to bother me, go right ahead. My screen name is punkd mandy. Remember that, kids. PUNKD MANDY. As in, I got punk'd because Ashton is mean like that. I will get you back, mark my words my dear boy. *shakes fist* Did you all see j__madden's new teeth. What the fuck, man. What was he thinking. I love him to death and all, but he's crazy. JOEL, YOU WANNABE WIGGA >:O!! Why did you get gold teeth. It just looks weird. Whatever dudes. I'll love you even if you colored your teeth purple and if you do that I swear to God I will make you sleep in the bathroom. I really want to update about something that isn't Joel however I don't think I am capable of that anymore, which really kind of annoys me I hate my life. I hate girls whose lives revolve around their men and what do you know, I am one of those girls now. It's really disgusting. I spend most of my time with him, and that isn't a complaint at all but it's kind of annoying and I feel bad for demanding so much of his attention. He says he doesn't mind but still, when he gets sick of me he will. Oh my God. Twilight Zone is on. Har har. This show is creepy. I hate it. I hate my life everyone. Justin is now one of my best guy friends because he calls me CLAWS and I call him UGLAY and he likes to send me pictures of himself because I think he's conceited like that. And all he talks about Shauna Shauna Shauna. Shauna, I'm going to fucking rape you and you will have my kids because you love me :-[ and Justin talks to damn much about you it's driving me crazy make him stop. But that's okay because I talk about you all the time too. Me and Justin have this unspoken agreement that we will see who's the fastest to get to Shauna when she gets online. She probably thinks we're on something but it's fun. I know she likes being pounced, psh. What the hell everyone, I hope you all added Shauna. ADD HER. shauna_. That's sexy right. Shut up Justin. She's mine >:O elijahjordan omfg >:O! Oh guess what. jessi_s has asked me to sing at her wedding. What the hell, no one has ever asked me to do something like that. i'm touched and what the fuck, I hope their wedding is soon because this is gonna be fun. I'm gonna watch her walk up the aisle and I'll be standing there and singing Good Charlotte's "The Anthem" no I'm just kidding I'm going to sing a love song for her and make her cry and maybe I'll pull a Mariah Carey and try to break all the windows in the church. Or maybe not :-[ jennee_garth >:O I love you. luckybasstard >:O I love you too. Even though you left me in the middle of our conversation this morning. Now I hate you. Not really. This >:O is the cutest face in the world, right? Right. Oh my God gc_pthomas and xokellyclarkson are back together. What the hell that is so cute I'm so happy for Paul and Kelly because they're so happy together and yayness. I'm happy. Someone tell Joel to get happy too >:O Okay this is the end of my annoyingly long update okay. And if I write another update like this where I bounce from topic to topic, kindly shoot me in the head with a bebe gun. Or maybe I'll make most of my updates like this. Haha you know you love it. ash_a should comment to me >:O 25 comments|post comment

Hmm.. [06 Aug 2003|10:38pm] [ mood | content ] So I did something tonight I hadn't done since Brody and Benji's wedding. I jumped. No. I leaped. I took a leap of faith. post comment

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