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Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
11:29 am - Be True. True to yourself.
I need a home.
I need a place to paint by myself.
I need a view and yellow gold light coming in.
I need quiet and pink jasmine overhead.
I need a place to drop my anchor.

i lost myself somewhere along the way....i gained me back slowly....i don't knkow when things changed ....i didn't expect to come back so quickly...but i'm here...on my own two feet ....and i'm back....and i'm me...and independant and happy as can be....

current mood: peaceful
current music: collide// howie day

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Monday, August 2nd, 2004
7:41 pm - & i start over & i live again...& this is life...
it's a rainy day ...& i'm acting like it's sunny....

*i got no regret right now...i'm feelin this* ;~P

that moment was like one of those golden moments you want to keep in a box to take out and show people later on...I guess you live a thousand of those moments...when you find one...it's like your feeling what ever the feeling is for the first time....I go back and i realize that i've never been in love. I've always wanted it so badly...then when i didn't want it, desire it, feel like putting up w/ it......i dont' know. i think i have been brought to a new level...where emotions/ feelings/ etc. are implied....they are declared through actions which mean more than words. if you ask me.

~squarecut~trapezoids...i'm sayin....

hahahaha

I remember the first day that i saw your face....
Remember the first day when you called my house
Remember the first day when you took me out
we had butterflies although we tried to hide
and we both had a beautiful night


*i'm still speechless*

current mood: rejuvenated
current music: diary // alicia keys

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Saturday, July 17th, 2004
1:59 am - suckD N.....These are all that i want to say....right now...
**So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

~Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead held up so high
On such a breakable thread

~You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
~You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

~You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

~You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

~It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, and so hypnotizing
I am captivated,
I am...


Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that I am...



So, turn up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away

*Like hope
Dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
********************************************************

On a Monday I am waiting
Tuesday I am fading
And by Wednesday I can’t sleep
Then the phone rings I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cause you’ve come to rescue me

Fall, with you I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath
I hope it lasts

Ohhhh
It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhh
It’s as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody and messy
I get restless and it’s senseless
And you never seem to care
When I’m angry you listen
When you’re happy it’s a mission
And you won’t stop till I’m there

Fall, sometimes I fall so fast
When I hit that bottom crash
You’re all I have

Ohhhh
It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhh
It’s as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

How do you know?
Everything I’m about to say
Am I that obvious?
And if it’s written on my face
I hope it never goes away
Yea

On a Monday I am waiting
By Tuesday I am fading
Into your arms
So I can breathe

Ohhhh
It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhh
It’s as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
Ohhhh
I love how you can tell
Ohhhh
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

current mood: good
current music: pieces of me//ashlee simpson happy ending//avril lavigne

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Sunday, June 20th, 2004
1:59 am - I wanna rush to the start...
~*i don't want to be the one the battles always choose...b/c inside i realize that i'm the one confused....i don't know whats worth fighting for or why i have to scream...i don't know why i instigate and say what i don't mean...i don't know why i got this way...i'll never be alright...so i'm breaking the habit tonight...i'll paint it on the walls cuz i'm the one at fault...i'll never fight again...and this is how it ends......*~


Well Hey there...I haven't updated this shit in a long time....so....Whats new? ......Well its summer in the Raleigh Nc and i have finished another semester from school....it didn't end well...however the most important thing is it ended and i survived....barely. I went through another guy and realized that i have a bad habit of finding all the wrong ones. I end up being three steps behind trying to keep up and stick w/ just gettin to know the person when they are ready to tie me down and marry me. why would they wanna do a stupid thing like that? i mean c'mon for real....however, yet again it is no surprise that i have met another one.
~I want to hold on this time....
for some reason this time i fell safe....for some reason this time i feel comfortable.... i don't feel rushed...and i am just going w/ the flow....Is it because now i am jaded to the extent where emotions don't phase me? ....do i feel? ....I do...am i holding back this time? yes....
Life is a crazy thing really....one minute you have things figured out and you think you are stable....then one morning you wake up and realize that you have been going about things almost all wrong....you realize that it wasn't your fault ....you were just trying to keep up....you were trying to stay stable...you were trying just to find somethin to hold on to....something true...something real.....but you were alas again as i said before going about it all wrong....what is the right way though?
all you have to show is memories....memories of the times that mattered to you...@ the time....you remember the ones that mattered.....or the ones that maybe stung a little bit more than the one before or the one after....
I don't know whether my ramblings make any sense....
& i'm not saying my life is taking a wrong turn right now...or i am making a wrong decision....
i think i am where i'm suppose to be....

We want more than this worlds got to offer If only for today i'm unafraid If i could find you now things would get better &youkissedmelikeyoumeantit Everytime Everyday is a new day You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by, you start to think you were born blind.....
VeritaBellaLibertaAmore

:: ::: I've been here b*fore a few times and i'm quite aware we're dying...& your Hands they SHaKe the GooDByEs....So h*re i am i'm trying....S0 here i am are you ready? C*mon LEt me HoLd you TouCh you....Kiss You alWaYs....:: :::


This awkward silence makes me CaHrazy...
tidle*waves*they*rip*right*through*me,
Pick me up now i need you so bad...
downdowndowndowndowndowndowndowngetsmesodowndowndowndowndowndowndown...makes me so
your vows of silence falls all over....
the look in your eyes makes me crazy =)~
i'll take you over if you let me....

I got no regret right now....I'M FEELIN THIS....the air is so cold and dry....faith fell short this time...your smile fades in the summer......place your hand in mine ....i'll leave when i wanna....;)

free
You have a free soul! As all the souls go, yours is
the most free-spirited and adventurous. You
like camping, hiking, or interaction with other
people. Your a social butterfly, but not
because of your style, but because of your
willingness to communicate with everyone. You
probably have close friends who can rely on you
because you always seem to know whats going on
in the world. You love music and are
free-spirited and someone fun to be around. A
born leader and great explorer-dont ever
change-the world needs more people like you.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla



:: ::: Don't*Let*Me*Let*You*Go:: :::

current mood: confused
current music: Breaking the Habit// Linkin Park

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Wednesday, April 14th, 2004
1:33 am - so this is how it goes....
Life...this is how it goes...there is no reason...no rhyme...no sense to be made....twists & turns and ~Confusion~ Happiness....Joy....Tears ....Love .....Pain.....

~Another Mountain...Another Road....Another speed bump....~

to trust or not to trust?.....to learn or not to? to love or not to love?....to live and let live....to forgive? to forget? .....

~I miss sleeping w/ someone...waking up next to them.....being held....hmm

current mood: weird
current music: field Mob// Cut Loose

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Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
8:36 pm - Here Is Gone...
Nothing you do to better yourself is wrong.....What is wrong is when you limit yourself to better others...
~Jenell Gilyard

** So he called her to talk about my eyes...Saying i had prettier eyes than she did....Maybe that's why he chose me over her....I'm glad i peaced out of that one....I don't want to be chosen b/c i'm better ....i want to be chosen b/c i'm one of a kind...--I don't know-- I'd rather be the only one in the race...then competing for first....or second...or third...or one hundreth....

I'm glad we're over....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I quit the never ending race.....i'm tired...and i don't feel i need to prove myself over and over.....the shit gets tiring....if you don't know what you had....or what you have....or have an idea of who i am really and what all i stand for....then......Fuck You....

ins`t it wreid taht you can stil raed tihs eevn tohugh the ltetres are mexid up? it`s bceuase the hmuan mnid olny fcOuses on the frsit nd lsat ` ltetres Of the wrod. its like beauty...`people only pay attention to the
o u t s i d e....not the inside...

And you smile like a saint
but you curse like a sailor
and your eyes say the joke's on me...

*color the coast with your smile, its the most genuine thing I have ever seen..

~we look at each other
wondering what the other is thinking
but we never say a thing
these crimes between us grow deeper

--fact is only what you believe
And fact and fiction work as a team
It's almost always fiction in the end
That content begins to bend
When context is never the same
jack johnson


* @ school and socially i've j/ wanted to curl up in the corner to be left alone by certain people.....i don't know really what to say....so best not to say anything at all....Right?....Walk lightly....tred softly....skip quietly....and don't make any sudden movements....stillness is what i desire....stillness of time...stillness of caos....stillness of heart......i feel my heart is/ has been all over the place.....i wish it would rest where it is deserved and not where it thinks it needs to be.....it's coming back together and i wish to have it whole soon.....i'm going to keep tredding...going to keep flying ....soaring....but no more racing...no more running....unless it's on a tredmill or down the street.....I am the prize to be won....


More later...

current mood: restless
current music: cry // faith hill

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Thursday, April 1st, 2004
2:28 am - breaking free...again
my best ideas come to me at 3am....when i can't sleep and i have things runnin through my mind....tonight i was surrounded my a ton of people....followed by alot of guys....got ask for my number 10 times....and i'm happy to be alive....

my feet are killing me from those shoes....i'll have to give myself a foot massage....


~& when we meet....which i'm sure we will...all that was there...will be there still...and i will let it pass and hold my tongue...and you will think that i've moved on.....

current mood: weird
current music: victorian skyline// greg

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Sunday, March 28th, 2004
10:27 pm - Verita...Bella....Liberta.....Amore....
~ i would give you my heart if you would only give me the truth....

i've gotten to the point where my thoughts & feelings mesh together into one big blur....i'm happy...just curious about whats going to happen ....whats not going to happen .....life always has an amazing way of surprising you....however it's hard when you know you already have things figured out....and you know it will end up being one big bitterrsweet symphony....the situations or predicaments you find yourself in or nothing but tests given to you from the one above.....you never get anything you can't handle... sometimes you wish your heart could just get a break and you could be free...then it gets the the point where you don't care about it anymore.....love isn't as important as it once was....companionship can wait...because you get to the point where you decide that solitude is what you need...to be right w/ yourself...to seek clarity....to get your soul right....you get to the point where you know you are the prize to be one...you are untouchable....you can't be hurt....however...wehn you get to the point where you know you have been through too much to feel...get back to the point where you can feel.....* watching over my shoulder**

****Your life may seem to be at a crossroads, dear Aquarius, and a number of different possibilities could be opening up to you. The only thing that seems certain at this time is that changes are on the horizon. You'll definitely be facing some choices, but today is not the day to consider them, as confusion reigns supreme. For today, be like Scarlet O'Hara and think about it tomorrow! You'll be more focused and less doubtful by then.


****

current mood: crazy
current music: case of you// joni mitchell

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Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
1:56 pm
What I did was your fault somehow
the presents, I threw all that shit out
don't go crying, you didn't mean jack
well guess what yo, fuck you right back
Although i do admit i'm glad i didn't catch your crabs...but oh well i'm done w/ it.....hahaahhahaha =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power(yeah)
Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things define what's within
And I have been there before, and that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Chorus
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everthing means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses (yeah)
And that's the only way to prove you love them

Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me

Chorus

Chorus

If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

current mood: shocked
current music: moment of clarity// jay z

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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
2:20 am - i swear i could go on forever again...
HERE IS AN ENTRY OF WHAT MY REAL JOURNAL HAS SAID ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO~ great story

Songs that mean something:

callin you// blue october......my immortal .........Maps // yeah yeah yeahs....

Weds: 3/3 '04

Everything happens near/on a full moon ....it started out as one of those romeo and juliet starry nights ....romance wasn't in the air...it was passion....
~the girls and i drank at @ Chelsea's & then rolled to the club...i'm joking around in the middle of the street and i see two boys looking at me...laughing...as if they knew me...THEY DID....Joe (my ex) and brian ( a boy i grew up w/) were walking to the club...so-- we paid and all that jazz....walked into the bar area and saw they were sitting there waiting/watching...so we walked around --Melanie and eric showed up ....i watch him (joe)....thoughts of the past and anxious for cedric to show up....my head is filled....

finally Cedric shows up....i run to him and slide my arms around his middle...and i am at complete ease....Joe sees the girl from his past....he sees her run into another's arms-- he sees her happy @ another's presence....he sees them kiss and realizes this is a goodbye...he resorts to the ultimate comfort of his drink and watches their every move.....

Dancing it up and loving every minute of it...time passes....and i see joe pull eric outside and i walk by...he throws a stool and i decide its time to go see mel and tell her whats going on outside....shit starts to go down and stop drop ka-fucking-BOOM....

i split my pants....fitting b/c the first night i met cedric....that's what happend...

Cedric and i are in disbelief needless to say....and go out side to assess the damage....my pants are a goner...joe is momentarily distracted by cedric and i then go back to eric...on our way back in ...i ask eric if he's ok....that's when shit hit the fan royally...Joe answers for him and i get pissed off..all that flashes through my head is joe not letting me back in my house when we broke up...him pinning me against the wall and all that stuff....so i looked at him coming back to....i said i wasn't talking to him and we start cussing he calls me a few choice names....and we were off...i am charging at him.....cedric is holding me back....finally i come out of my yelling w/ cedric yelling "holly that's enough"....i look joe square in the eye and go inside....

WAIT IT GETS FUNNY AND ALMOST GANGSTA LIKE.....haha

Brian comes up to me and is like can i talk to you...

B: do you want to have fun tonight?
H: are you threatening me?
B: no i'm just saying you hae two choices....
H: after all my family has done for you in the past brian you are threatening the wrong person
B: i know i'm sorry are there ten guys who want to beat up joe right now?
H: no..not guys...girls
B: ok well...
H: Brian...take him home...
B:well...
H: take him the fuck home brian
B: ok...
Later joe jis still around the club...he starts talking shit to jessica....she decides enough is enough...and her and cedric go to find him however! i find him first....and follow him out i'm right behind him and brian sees me....joe had been throwing shit..and the bouncers and 6 cops that surrounded him made him pick it up...he sees me blows me a kiss...and walks...out...

afterward...toto shows up...he says " i came to make sure that you got home ok" ....i had also grown up w/ him he had always been like a big bro....
~Come to find out Joe got his gf pregnant...and she's a stripper.....he will never change...it's sad really....i had always hoped for better for him....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

today is st. patricks day....i'm listening to Pearl Jam// Black.....and the quote i'm taking from the song willbe this...

**i know someday you'll have a beautiful life....i know you'll be a star....in someone elses sky...but why oh why can't it be mine? *** Hoorah for pearl jam....;-)

current mood: awake
current music: lost w/o you // blink 182

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Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
7:07 pm - The first cut is the deepest...
~lately i've been doing alot of thinking about the way things have gone....i don't know why what has happend has....and why i don't feel the least bit weird about it. The situation has found itself nothing less then majorly twisted....& yet i feel nothing but ease. Why is that?
**The weather is getting warmer...and i feel i am changing w/ the seasons....i'm becoming someone new i feel....i feel nothing but freedom....& i am very happy....so maybe the mood i should find myself in is not confusion...but more of contentment? .....b/c i know what i like and what i don't like...i know what i want and what i don't want....

I was walking here to go to the archeology lab and the moon is already out and the stars are already so bright....there is a magical feeling about tonight....i feel a romeo and juliet night coming on....the kind where the companionship is endless..w/ friends that are by your side....to be a shoulder to lean on....and to slide the drink yoru way when you need one...

~MORE TONIGHT FOR SURE~

ThEn YoU StOoD @ the DoOR w/ YoUr HaNdS oN mY WaIsT & YoU kiSSed Me LiKe YoU MeAnT it...& I KnEw....ThAt YoU mEaNt it .....YoU MeAnT It...& I KnEw...ThAt YoU Meant It.....
*******************************
Pack up
I've strayed
Enough
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say

Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Wait, they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-a-ps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you

Made off
Don't stray
My kind's your kind
I'll stay the same

Pack up
Don't stray
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say

Wait! they don't love you like i love you
Wait! they don't love you like i love you
Ma-a-a-aps, wait!
They don't love you like i love you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't hold on
And go get strong
Well, don't you know
That there is no
Modern romance

Time
Time is gone
It stops, stops who it wants
Well, I was wrong
It never lasts
And there is no
Well, this is no
Modern romance

And time
Time is gone
It never lasts
Stops who it wants
Well, I was wrong
It never lasts
This is no
There is no
Modern romance
There is no modern romance
This is no...modern romance
there is no, there

current mood: confused
current music: Maps// Yeah yeah yeahs

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Thursday, January 29th, 2004
10:38 am - great statement
someone out there was meant to be the love of your life, your best friend, your soul mate, the one you can tell your dreams to, he'll smile at you for no reason, he'll brush the hair out of your eyes, he'll call you just to tell you goodnight before you get into bed because he wants your voice to be the last thing he hears before he falls asleep, and when its completely unexpected, he'll tilt your chin up, look into your eyes, and tell you that you're beautiful, and for the first time...you'll believe it

current mood: hot
current music: god is a Dj.

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10:16 am - great song...
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[CHORUS:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

current mood: peaceful
current music: cedric singing the song he wrote...

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Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
7:47 pm - i got lucky
I really like what you’ve done to me
I can’t really explain it
I’m so into you
I really like what you’ve done to me
I can’t really explain it
I’m so into you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I talked till i was blue in the face really...."no one...no one for a while....i'll play the field....i'll give myself time"

and then....one not so special day....

current mood: happy
current music: fabolous// into you

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Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
1:56 pm - gotta allotta livin to do before i die and i ain't got time to waste...
I can't move.

I got stuck in a chair. I got stuck on the stairs. I can't move. It's official...i seriously think i'm going to fall apart... this weekend was so intense that i wonder what i was thinking when i committed to both pieces...haha jk...it was worth all the while...i really got to bond w/ the other girls and stuff ....it was tons of fun....i've never felt all of the muscles in my body all at once before....crazyyyyyyy

i'm going to west palm beach for spring break. Darn!!!! Poor me!!!! haha i have to make up for not going to the beach not even once last summer.


cocomadmoiselle.furcoat.lipgloss.red.eyeliner.coldair.hairdone.dressedup.feelinthebeatalready.....my friends talked me into going ....i'm glad i did....
After work i came to my friend Jessica at my door telling me to go out...i declined and then Everyone looks at me and tells me to go...."you need to get out Holly....""you have been working hard" "You have dance all this weekend it's the only time you can go out" "Holly i'm only going b/c you said you were going"......OKAY!!! I GET THE POINT...besides i really wanted to go anyways....

I'm glad i did.

b/c....along came Cedric....I love meeting new people....and i def. loved meeting him. the night was great and tons of fun. I hung out w/ him the whole time & really cut a rug.....b/c he can dance like woah......So it was most definitely good times...so good in fact i have a date next saturday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*I didn't think that I'd come here tonight, meet someone like you
Start feeling the way I do
Seems like we've known each other most of our lives
After one conversation, this might be right
I ain't even gonna front
I ain't even gonna lie
Since you walked up in the club
I've been giving you the eye
We can dance if you want
Get it crackin' if you like
Must be a full moon
Feel like one of those nights

current mood: Happy//giddy
current music: are you feeling me?//Aaliyah

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Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
2:49 pm - I'm leaving today. Leavin it. Givin it all to change.
Vita Bella. The sun shines in through my window. The sky is a brilliant color of blue. I think of the conversation from the night before i had w/ my friend on the phone and realize that everything has rolled on....i'm going to disappear...it's the best thing to do. I won't vocalize any feeling i have toward whatever i thought had mattered. this is life. i realize that i need to go about things a completely different way then i have in the past. Healing comes painfully....and it kills to look back. I realize that the wall is rebuilding itself. I'll let it. I have no harsh words or words to say at all.....i have nothing to say....and that much is true....you won't have to hear from me again. I love my friends. I owe them so much.

So this semester has been mad busy between school and work and dance and play (much play) i have everything laid out for me. i'm really happy things are coming together and i can get the flow of my schedule. I love my classes and all that jazz.....
We lost three members of the dance company and are now down to 6 members. Small is good. We can improvise just fine. crunch time is coming and this weekend is going to be mad busy. =)~

****************************************
I've been the girl- middle finger in the air
Unaffected by rumors, the truth: I don't care
So open your mouth and stick out your tongue
You might as well let go, you can't take back what you've done
So find a new lifestyle
A new reason to smile
Look for Nirvana
Under the strobe lights
Sequins and sex dreams
You whisper to me
There's no reason to cry
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
You get what you're given
It's all how you use it
*****************************

Your days
You say they're way too long
And your nights
You can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to no more

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on
******************************************
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door ....

current mood: thoughtful
current music: White flag // Dido

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Monday, January 12th, 2004
11:37 am - Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession w/ love...
One day i'll fly away...Leave all this to yesterday....Why live life from dream to dream? and dread the day when dreaming ends....

**********************************

I really don't know what to say....still....these days i don't say much....b/c i'm left to thinking most of the time....I realize a lot of things....and also know that this is one of the low pts. that will high light my life....I have lost ....but know i have something to gain in the long run....and that is strength....it's knowing that something will come along......i'm not a hopeless romantic ......i'm done w/ that.....it's sad....but true.....

current mood: blah
current music: Damaged// plumb

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Thursday, January 8th, 2004
4:32 pm - I'm so lost....i'm barely here i wish i could explain myself but words escape me......
...It's too late to save me....
***************************************************

i don't know what to say....




***********************************************
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need that somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Here's a letter for you
But the words get confused
And the conversation dies
Apologize for the past
Talk some shit take it back
Are we cursed to this life
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

current mood: sick
current music: without you // i miss you by blink 182

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Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
11:45 pm - one day i'll fly away...leave all this to yesterday...
It's been a weekend....I got to chill though and spend time w/ the familia...
My bunny died on friday though =( and i don't feel well and have a paper due tomorrow so this will be uber short....i have a few things left to say though and here they are....


I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots,
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you`re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
Even worse when you make me cry.

~I hate it when you`re not around,
And the fact that you didn`t call.
But mostly, I hate the way I don`t hate you,
not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all!

-From the movie 10 Things I Hate About You


on that note....Goodnight...to you...i'll be up though doing my paper....

current mood: cynical
current music: one day i'll fly away// nicole kidman...(remix)

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Thursday, November 20th, 2003
9:50 am - i'll see you soon...
"Closer To You"

How soft a whisper can get
When you’re walking through a crowded space
I hear every word being said
And I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you

How long an hour can take
When you’re starting into open space
When I feel I’m slipping further away
I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you

These are the days
That I won’t get back
I won’t hear you cry
Or hear you laugh
And when it’s quite
And I don’t hear a thing
I can always hear you breathe

You know there’s nowhere else
I’ve wanted to be
Than be there when you need me
I’m sorry too
But don’t give up on me
And just remember that when you get asleep
I got a little bit closer to you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So you lost your trust,
And you never should have, you never should have,
But don't break your back,
If you ever see this,
Don't answer that.
In a bullet proof vest,
With the windows all closed,
I'll be doing my best,
I'll see you soon,
In a telescope lens,
And when all you want is friends,
I'll see you soon.
So they came for you,
They came snapping at your heels,
They come snapping at you heels,
But don't break your back,
If you ever see this,
Don't answer that.
In a bullet proof vest,
With the windows all closed,
I'll be doing my best,
I'll see you soon,
In a telescope lens,
And when all you want is friends,
I'll see you soon,
I'll see you soon.
I know you lost your trust,
I know you lost your trust,
Don't lose your trust,
I know you lost your trust.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tonight is the big night and i'm crazy nervous....god give me style god give me grace help me put a smile on these peoples face.....God grant me grace God grant me time....to steal the show and make the audience mine....i hope my dance is ok.....aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

current mood: nervous
current music: wallflowers// closer to you

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