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Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
9:37 pm - Squeeling, screaming, and ma-ma-ma-ma
So, I quit my job. I am going absolutely crazy here!!! Not that I don't enjoy every minute that I'm able to spend with my daughter, I just think that adults need some social time with people who dont squeel, and scream, and say ma ma ma ma ma over and over again. Its exhausting. I came down with Mono...and some other crap, so John made me quit so I could take care of the girls and get some rest, but I think John has Mono now too and I don't know which is worse-- me working, cleaning, doing laundry, playing mommy and wife or never seeing my husband because hes having to pick up the slack from my unemployment and when hes not doing that, hes too tired to do much else. Which leaves me with Hannah, and the house 24 hours a day, which is exhausting in itself. I wish I could sleep. I would sleep all day if I could. And it wouldnt have to be every day, just one day. Ahhh, and you know whats ironic, I say that when the kids leave home, I'm going to sleep till noon...but that wont even be relevent when theyre gone because my life is going to be molded around them and my schedule is still going to be getting up at 7:30...only then, I'm going to be bored because nobody is going to need me. How depressing. ANYways, Emme is going to be here in like 9 and a half weeks! Well, given that the Doc doesnt want to induce, but I sure do. This is SO miserable! I don't remember my pregnancy with Hannah ever being so bad, except the last month when her big head dropped and I was so damn big and uncomfortable, I thought I would die. Ok, I'm going to go look for a bedding set for Emme so I'll write more some other time.

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Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
9:50 pm - Blah!
My nephew, Bracken, turned 5 years old today. I can't BELIEVE how fast its gone! Seriously, he used to be a baby and now hes going to be starting school this year. I'm not going to be able to handle Hannah and Emme going off to school...or turning 4 and 5...just the concept of watching my children grow and each day having to live with the realization that I'll never have that day back again and that they are getting more and more independent and don't need me that much anymore...ugh, I dont wanna think about it. My sister called me the other night crying because Bracken had said that he didnt love her anymore, that he only loved his daddy. She was totally heart broken! Afterall, she had been blessed with stretchmarks and a lack of sleep since he was born. I told her that hes at that age...and hes a kid. He doesnt know any better. I'm probably going to act the same way because I know at one point, my children are probably going to say the same things...and I'm also going to be heartbroken...but I know they'll love me still. :( ANYways, enough with that. I'm sooo ready to crash so I'll write more in a few days...not that anyone is really interested in my life. Its not that exciting.

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Saturday, January 28th, 2006
11:57 pm - 2 teeth!!!!!
SO, Hannah is all better now, thank God! That was horrible! But she did get 2 teeth out of it so yay! Its funny how much life has changed. I can't think of anything else to write about other than my family...which is probably sad to all of you...but I like it. I went shopping for my girls tonight because shopping for them is like 100 times better than shopping for myself and the only toy store we have here is now going out of business...stupid store. But everything is at 30% off so thats good for me...and Maguire :) I'm so excited Shea is having a baby too! Awwww!

Anyways, I'm having problems here lately. I have NO sexual drive whatsoever and its not only hard on me but its extremely hard on my husband. It has nothing to do with him and what he is or isnt doing in the bedroom, I just have no umph at all and when I think about the effort of sex, I'm exhausted! I don't know what to do and I dont know what to tell him...its nothing personal. ANYways, ok well I gotta go get John so I'll write more later.

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Saturday, January 21st, 2006
7:27 pm - Gross!
Puke is gross. I've just spent the past 3 days cleaning it up...its in my carpet, on several blankets, on Hannah's clothes...I even had to rewash all of my bedding because Hannah has been sick with a tummy bug. Oh, and diarrhea aint exactly a picnic either. We don't have to get into that however because ummmm gross...no. ANYways, so my friend Shea found out shes having a boy! Yay! I was totally way off with that one by the way. Oh, and my boss told me shes having a baby now too...she wasnt too thrilled with it but what can you do? She was like "I've been on birth control for 13 years! So all of a sudden it decided not to work last month???? What the hell?" lol, she's like 30 and I told her that was still young enough to have babies but I don't think she is convinced of that one yet.

Oh! And an old friend came into work today! She was pregnant with her daughter while I was pregnant with Hannah. She was due like 2 weeks before me and she gave the baby up for adoption because her and her man werent getting along and she thought the baby deserved better than what she could give her. Well, she came in today with her boyfriend/baby's daddy and brought pictures of their daughter, Molly...who was adopted by a family in town. And now her and this man are getting married. Its such a fucked up situation. I sat and talked to her for a few minutes and she said she doesnt get to see Molly much since Jessica now lives in Dallas while Molly is here. Could you marry someone who you had a child with and then gave up because yall werent getting along??? You know they have to feel like complete shit now...and what about when they have more children? Are they gonna tell them about Molly? I couldn't imagine.

I have been a total bitch lately too. Poor John...he kinda just goes with it...hes a pro now after his wife has been basically pregnant since July of 2004. He probably doesnt even remember what I'm like normally. Oh well, as long as he still loves me, I'll be alright.

Ok, well, I'm going to go eat something and sit and wait for more disgusting stuff to come out of my daughter that I will in turn spend at least 20 minutes trying to clean up....my Saturday nights are beyond words fun!

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Saturday, January 14th, 2006
10:25 pm - Sick babies!!!
Its been a while since I wrote...everything is going pretty well though. Hannah got Bronchiolitis right before New Years, poor baby...which was total hell. Baby's are really really fussy when they're sick, who thought??? Then John ended up getting sick and he had to go to the doctor which set us back financially since he doesn't have medical insurance. Husbands are really really fussy too when they're sick :)

Emme has been kicking like crazy...I think she's going to be my rowdy one. Hannah will be the one who sits and colors and reads books for hours....while Emme attempts to jump on the bed and color me a picture on the wall. I'm definately going to have my hands full when she gets here. And Hannah is totally about to be 9 months old on Thursday....I cant believe that. My baby is getting so big! She's getting so independent and I'm having a hard time accepting that there's just more stuff she can do on her own now...and thats only going to get worse as time goes on. Shes just growing up too fast. I'm going to cry like no other when she goes to school. ANYways...we don't need to get into that. John got a job offer from this man named Sammy. So hopefully that'll work out good. We need to change something here...I'm tired of working at Abuelos as I'm sure he is too....hell, we've been doing it for 2+ years. Its definately time for a change. Ok, well I'm going to go get me some Captain Crunch...and watch a movie....and go to bed.

current mood: drained

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Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
10:20 am - 'Tis the Season!!!
So, yeah, we went Christmas shopping and can I just tell you that it was absolute hell! I feel like we just spent $400 for no good reason...when that could of gone towards bills and rent. We decided to just do a kids Christmas this year so it would be cheaper but it didnt turn out to be as cheap as I thought. Oh well....I know the kids will be excited so its all worth it I guess. We still haven't gotten Hannah anything though...or Emme for that matter. We bought her some clothes but toys are so much more fun to open than clothes, or thats how I felt when I was little anyway....I HATED getting clothes! I guess shes too young to care anyway...as long as she can eat the bow, I think we're gonna be okay.

I'm so frustrated. I feel like no matter how hard we try, we can't get ahead...ever. I'm sure a lot of people feel this way but I just invisioned a life for me and my family and this isnt what I was thinking. I wanted to be able to give my kids whatever they need without worrying about how we're going to keep the electricity on....or decide between paying the phone bill or buying groceries. I know that it could be so much worse....and I am thankful for everything that I do have and I'm sure life is never going to be easy. Hasn't ever been simple so why should it start now? Anyways, so no more bitching. I just wanted to vent for a minute.

I think Shea is having a girl. Shes my best friend and her baby is due 3 weeks after Emme. She thinks shes having a boy but I have a really strong feeling its a girl...and I havent been wrong yet. My friend Kandise had a baby 1 and a half months after i had Hannah and I told her the entire time she was pregnant she was having a girl...sure enough, she has a Lilly now. I called Tracy's baby to be a boy and turned out he was....Victoria and Jill both had girls, like I said. Anyways....just random thought.

current mood: stressed
current music: Baby Einstein (Baby Mozart)

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Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
9:32 pm - It's a girl!!!
So we went to the doctor this morning and found out were having yet again another girl! We're so excited! Emme is on her way!!!! I'm not sure how I knew but for some reason I did....from the time I found out about her until now, I've always felt like I was having another girl. I'm so excited that my little Hannah is going to be a big sister and I can't believe that she's only going to be a year older! Crazy times!

current mood: ecstatic

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Monday, December 19th, 2005
9:39 pm - Finances, Babies, and a Itty Bitty House....
I think this being my first entry and all, I should talk about my life. I'm a 21 year old mother of 1....and I have one on the way. Hannah, my 8 month old (today actually) is my world....she has the most amazing personality...as most mom's would say about their children. Its incredible the way God puts someone in your life that completely changes your outlook on everything. You realize that your life is not your own anymore and most of the time, you're okay with it. Sometimes, I think about how my life used to be....you know, no responsibilty (well, for the most part)...sleeping whenever you want, doing pretty much whatever you want to because you have absolutely no restrictions. And then, for some odd reason, as wonderful as that sounds, you dont want your life to be that anymore. I enjoy having a child. She's my world. Well, her and my husband of course. Can't leave him out of this. I wouldnt trade the old me for any of it. 2 years ago, I was partying and didn't have a care in the world it felt like. And now, I have millions. I'm okay with that though.

We find out what the baby is tomorrow. I'm thinking were having another girl. Mommy's intuition, you know. If we do, I think were going to name her Emme Reese. Hannah was only 3 months old when I got pregnant again so of course you could imagine my shock. My children are going to be like 12 months apart!!! Thats CRAZY...but good. We're really excited about this one too, and yet, something inside of me is feeling overwhelmed...maybe its just the thought of starting all over again and also having a fiesty one year old to take care of too. I think its all of it....finances, babies....our little house that can barely fit the three of us let alone 4, our car that we just had to spend $200 fixing and its still running funny, and both of our jobs that started out being "temporary" have turned into 2 year long careers. I can't stand working there still but I can't quit....I dont honestly think theres anywhere else that I can make the money that I make there. Anyways, I don't know why I'm rambling on about all of this, I guess it just feels good to.

My husband John is amazing. We met 2 and a half years ago and we were just friends for like 8 months. I moved away and he was going to move with me because he had a really big crush on me he says (he just forgot to tell me while I lived there). Well, he ended up not moving because I started kinda seeing this guy that he hated....so he got mad and stayed put....well I ended it with that guy and started dating this loser named Justin. I stayed in touch with John..talking at least 2-3 times a week and I would always call him about my problems, and there were plenty to talk about when I was with Justin. He was a cheater and treated me like crap, so of course John had to hear about it often. Well, I finally got up the nerve to break up with him and I just HAD to call John to tell him all about it...and I'll never forget that night. John told me he was in love with me and had been for some time so I ended up moving back to be with him. We started dating in May and by the end of June, he proposed. It was so wonderful and I'm still just as happy now as I was back then.

My life has changed so much...but its definately changed for the better. I wouldnt go back to the old me for all the world, because it just feels so good being a wife and a mommy. I know I belong here with my family and that just feels so good....

current mood: grateful

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