[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Wednesday, September 24th, 2003|
im so drunk...
i just talked to my ex-bf... i love him so much, we went out for like 15 months and i think it was a big mistake to break up with him, but at that time in my life i had to... now i regret it. im so drunk and my best friend called him and i started talking to him and told hime everything... he has a gf named becky... fuck, well they have been going out for one week... ohhh. i dont know, its like 230 in the moring and im totally depressed and drunk... with no guys around. :0( well i love him and thats all i wanted to say. well, i guess my diet has been going well... i lost 13 pounds since i got sick, even though im not sick anymore, woohoo. im gonna pass out... talk to you later.
Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: Grasshoppers
|Sunday, September 21st, 2003|
woohoo for something
yeah, i just got over my mono, which sucked like hell, but i did lose 11 pounds! that is so awesome, its like a jump start... i needed that. but i do need to be really careful because i still cant purge so i just have to really watch what i eat, like today i had 360 calories. so i guess its kinda good that i cant do that, now i have to really get it together. i mean i wanna stop purging anyway, so this is a good thing.
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: 3 Doors Down:When I'm Gone
|Monday, September 8th, 2003|
i feel like crap
this mono thing really sucks.... i feel like crap and its like 160° in my room, plus i had something to eat which in retrospect made me feel even worse, but i am starting a fast tomorrow with... crap, i forgot her name, sorry, im new at this. im only having water (lots of it), diet v8 splash, and one serving of a low calorie food... like light yogurt or an apple or something. but yeah, im gonna go cuz i feel like puking (which i HATE unless i do it myself...kinda wierd, whatever). tata
Current Mood: nauseated
Current Music: Jennifer Lopez:All I Have
my disgusting info
okay i need to keep track of myself...
What ED do you have?: mia mostly, with ana tendencies
How long have you had your ED (s): a little over a year
Highest Weight: 150 - GROSS! it hurts to look and that
Lowest Weight: 130
Present Weight: 140.5 - it hurts to look at that too :0(
Short Term Goal Weight: 125
Long term Goal Weight: 110
i need help... motivate me!!!
Current Mood: fat
Current Music: John Mayer:Your Body is a Wonderland
|Sunday, September 7th, 2003|
okay, seriously... lets do thing thing. Everyone: i hate mia. well i guess its a love/hate thing with us. its like mia is ana's evil stepsister. i hate that sometimes i have no control with her, but then i love her when so lets me get that s*** outta me, i mean what if i could do that?? then what would happen? i would be a hippo... on steriods. i would rather die than be fat. at least im not as bad as i used to be, man... that was the worst thing. i used to work in a bakery... a BAKERY. and i worked alone... ALONE. anyone with half a brain can figure out the end to that equation. and one night, after a binge (that i couldn't purge because my mom was home and we lived in a tiny apt) i scarred myself. i NEVER cut myself, it was just that one time, but i still have that scar on the inside of my wrist to remind my what that felt like.... the WORST f****** feeling in the world. food in your stomach is the worst feeling in the world. it shows weakness. so its like you're weak when you binge, but then your get control back by becoming empty once again. wanna know where i work now? i freaking restaurant, where i can go into the kitchen anytime and get free food. WTF??? i have to stop this cycle. ive been ana and mia, and ana was my friend. i LOVED it when she was there with me. but im okay..... im looking for her, and ill keep you updated!
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: 50 Cent:In Da Club
yeah... im one of the newbies
okay, so im getting back on track, i know it. im not new to the ed thing... definately not new to that, just this community thing. im hoping i will get the support i need and thinspiration. well, i have mono now which totally sucks, but maybe ill lose weight. i used to have a ana/mia journal, but it wasnt online... its actually under my bed right now, and that is great thinspiration, i just have to read what i alread have written and that usually keeps me on track. ok, well SOMETIMES keeps me on track... considering for the majority of my ed i have been mia with ana tendencies. i would rather be ana though because that just means SOOOOO much more control. i hope this journal will help, which means i have to write in it religiously. i also hope that this community thing will help and i meet lots of awesome people to talk to!
Current Mood: sick
Current Music: Moroon 5:Harder to Breathe