♥Mallory♥

1:21am: NEWSFLASH TO THE ENTIRE WORLD.
EVERYONE IS FUCKING FAKE. What the hell happened to the days when friends were LOYAL for once? If you're going to judge me, make sure you know the god damn facts FIRST, and make damn sure your hands are clean as well.

11:53pm: In my opinion, the worst feeling in the world is the feeling of rejection. Now, most girls can tough it out when they get rejected by a guy...but when you get rejected by good girl friends, that's when it's unbearable.

2:52am: I don't even know anymore.
Wow, I haven't updates this thing in centuries. So everything's going good. I've had my head in the books a lot lately, the work load is a lot different this year. Not a ton of free time, so I feel like a different person during the week. I basically work my ass off during the week, and go all out on the weekends. It leaves me something to look forward to.

Guys here are dumb. I do nothing but do my own thing, mind my own business and what not, and I attract freaking CREEPS. Random IMs from random people and what not that go to my school, and me being the nice person I am...I talk to them. The next thing I know, I feel like I'm being stalked. Holy shit, why do I feel like this has happened to me about 5 times this semester?! What did I do to deserve this?

I have mixed feelings about the whole dating thing. There has only been one guy I dated that I would not call an asshole. There are reasons that have seperated us, and I would be lying if I said I didn't regret it. But EVERY other guy that I meet turns out to be a complete asshole. Why can't I find the right kind of guy, who will make me feel like I'm worth something and treat me better than shit? I really don't think nice guys exist. I could quite possibly be crushing on someone, but I just don't know. I just don't think it's worth the effort to even pursue anything, because I've lost faith in guys. I'm just so tired of dealing with perverts, those that are self absorbed, and the ones that think it's absolutely necessary to point out my flaws and weak points. If they do pass the test for not having those qualities, they still, in some way or another, find a way to crush me. I'm done with having my heart and mind toyed with. But at the same time, I feel lonely, and I just miss how things used to be.

It's really hard not to be conscious of these feelings when EVERYONE around me has a boyfriend, some kind of love interest, or even a freaking date to semi-formal. And they talk about it, CONSTANTLY. In DETAIL. TOO MUCH detail. Like it's something I really want to know about. I feel so...asexual compared to everyone else, not having the slightest idea of who I'd ask to semi-formal, or who I would just die to hookup with. What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm only 19, but I've got my entire love life for the future planned out...it consists of me, alone, living with just a bunch of puppies or something. I wake up in the morning, get all dressed up, go to work, then go back home and do it all over again the next day. I'll still be wearing bikinis when I'm 55, because I'll have no scars on my stomach and the little tattoo on my hip won't be warped, because I'll never have kids. You think I'm being dramatic, but that's exactly how I feel. I feel like my time has already passed and I'll never date anyone ever again.

1:07pm: Yay! I got a bid for the in the sorority I wanted! And I accepted. All of the girls are so amazing. I got the only thing I wanted out of this year- aside from better grades haha. I'm so excited!

10:33pm: I'm so nervous. All I want out of this year is this one thing.

10:21pm: Hurricane Ernesto and my life story.
So nothing is really new with me I guess. This weekend was kind of a drag...except for Cassie came on Thursday night! It was awesome, we hung out with everyone on east campus and stuff. Then, we came back, acted like morons and then went to bed. WELL, I woke up the next morning around 7 to Teara looking out the window and going "SHIT!". She was getting ready for work and it was a freaking MONSOON outside. Our campus definetely floods whenever we get heavy rainfall, but it was definetely hurricaning outside. And then about 5 minutes later, we lose power. I go downstairs to call my parents and stuff, and I find out CNU is still holding classes today. Right, so let's put the lives of the professors and commuter students at risk to hold classes during the middle of a hurricane. CNU is so gay with that stuff sometimes. Not to mention how it's kind of hard to hold classes while there is no power. It took administration until 7:45 to cancel classes for the day. While everyone is already heading to their 8 AM classes and getting drenched.

So I go back to sleep and then wake up around 12:30 to Sean pouncing on my bed like he's a damn frog or something...definetely a rude awakening, Sean...I don't know if you read this. So then Cassie and I walk the short distance to the student center to get food. We ate, and then headed over to Walmart and Target to go on an adventure and see how the roads are. By this time, it had stopped raining so hard. The rest of the day goes by, and everyone's bored and pissed off because there's no power except for the generator keeping the lights on in the hallways, so EVERYONE leaves campus except for me, my friend Mike, and my friends that were RA's.

Sorry, but I grew up in Florida where it stormed like this every year and we lost power in the blistering heat for a week. I'm not going home for the possibility of 2 days without power. I definetely showered with the only light of a flashlight, and luckily there was still hot water. I shaved my legs in the hallway. Sorry, I shave my legs everyday, power outages do not warrant people to walk around like cavemen. We went to Sonic and got food...tell me why everyone had power but our campus? And while we were sitting in the hallway under the light having a picnic, THE POWER GOES BACK ON! So everyone's excited, we start getting on the internet and playing video games, and then it goes back out 3 hours later. Everyone's just bojangling at this point, and then Cassie goes home because she doesn't feel well. So Mike and I chill...and then the power comes back on again!

It's been on since. But this weekend was definetely boring. At least Rachel and I beat Ms. Pacman Saturday night. And we went to the beach on Sunday. AND I did all of my homework. So it was a productive weekend I suppose. I'm really proud of myself for making it to the third week of class and still having yet to slack off. Hopefuly my outstanding efforts towards my academics will continue further into the schoolyear. It might be because I haven't been drinking nearly as much as I did last year, as much as I hate to admit that. Yeah, well, we'll see how long that lasts. I mean, I suppose I could wait to start drinking AFTER I finish my work, and not during. Bah. Good thing I don't go to school at some place like Radford. I'd never get anything done.

I need to declare my major though. I found out today that I might have to be done taking all of my preliminary business classes by the end of this year because I need to be in the school of business by next year? WTF? That doesn't sound right at all. I already finished all of my gen ed's, and once you get into the business school, you have like a semester's worth of classes in total. Why does it take 2 years? Obviously, that's going by people who split up the gen ed's with the business classes in their schedule. Arggghhh it's so confusing.

I quit my job on campus. It took up too much of my time I needed to put towards school work. I really didn't think it would, but today I realized that I did work for a good 3 hours before my first class which was at 4. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that time. I certainly don't sleep in until 3 on those days.

Yeah, guys here are interesting to say the least. Some of them act completely scared of girls and don't talk to any of them, just like 4th grade. And the others come off as overeager. Weirdos. Too bad I don't have time to get out much to meet some decent ones.

I decided that I'm going to rush for sororities this year. I'm totally going to regret it if I don't at least go through rush. And I will definetely meet new people if it works out. I just hope I can find one that I fit in with. I don't want to be one of those people that sculpts their personality to fit in with everyone else.

That's all for now kids. Later.

4:40am: Hinder is a great band.
"Better Than Me"

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures i took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)

8:36pm: yeah.
So I've been so damn busy the last week or so. I definetely didn't think I'd have as much work as I've been getting lately, but apparently I was mistaken. Getting a job on campus was a bad idea too, which is why I quit today. Whatever, I'm not desperate for money anyway. My suite is awesome though. So far I haven't been drinking as much as I did last semester, so that's a good thing. Speaking of, Cassie comes to visit tomorrow! I'm so fucking psyched. And now that I don't have to work on Friday, the party starts tomorrow after my english class gets out. I LOVE WEEKENDS! Yeah, so I'm going to go do a ton of work.

7:38pm: I'm fucking tired of people bashing me for what I want to do with my life and what I'm interested in. It's extremely rude, and I'm done tolerating it. The next person that pisses me off I'm done with.

10:19am: So I am finally back at school, and I'm loving it so far. My room is awesome...me and Teara's theme for our room is "It's 5 o'clock somewhere"...it's all tropical and bright with martini glasses everywhere. Duh. I will put some pictures online soon. Our suitemates are awesome too. I definetely think that this is going to be a fun year. Well...I might just go back to bed right now.

11:04pm: I'm really glad I got to see some of my good friends tonight. It's nice to know that even though I don't see them or talk to them everyday, that when we do hang out, it's like old times. It's not awkward, there's no tension, and we have so much to talk about. I think a lot of people don't understand the whole "distance" aspect of friendship, and if you don't talk to them for a month, it's over. How does time or distance affect how you got along with another person? I mean, I understand some friendships fall apart because people change and stuff, but sometimes, you don't even get a chance to get to the point of seeing if the person has changed at all. If you think about it, it's kind of sad how it works. I just have to say that having moved from Florida to Virginia (what a shitty transition, now that I actually write that) when I was in middle school, I feel like I really understand the whole friendships through long distance thing. There are plenty of people I was friends with that I lost touch with for whatever reason, but for the most part, I am still friends with all of my friends from Florida, some that I've kept in touch with, but have not seen in 6 years. I talk to them once in a while, and the friendship is still there, and I just find that to be truly amazing. I really am thankful for it. A lot of people are getting upset about going their seperate ways until next summer, but it's really not a big deal. People just have to learn to adjust to the distance, and realize that you can call your friend up after 2 months and have a normal conversation. It's really not that hard, I mean, going to college isn't the end of the world for the friends you have at home. Anyways...there's about 3 days left until I go back. I hate packing though, so I've barely done it besides the one massive suitcase I packed the other night. I think someone slipped adderall into my drink or something. Meh, whatever. Everything's basically in boxes in the basement ready to go. It's looking like it's time for bed right now.

12:08pm: soooo exciiiited
6 days! Less than a freaking week. I've been counting down for months now, I remember when the number was in the 70's. Wow. So last night, I packed a ridiculously large suitcase full of most of my clothes. I did 3 loads of laundry last night so I still have stuff drying which will eventually be added to a second suitcase. I'm so proud of myself that I was actually productive last night. Maybe it was because I was experiencing jet lag and couldn't fall asleep until 4 AM? Who knows, but I'm glad that the worst is over. So I'm working a few days this week, and then my last day should be on Thursday. It's going to be weird not waking up and getting and all sassy for work, rather having the option to go to class in my pajamas. Which by the way, isn't exactly one of my options. Yup, on the facebook prediction things, I got a ton of votes for "Most likely to dress up for class". Go figure.

8:05pm: uhhhhhhhhh
Ok so the family vacation comes to an end...and my sister is annoying the SHIT out of me. I just want some alone time where I don't have to listen to everyone's shit. California would be so much more enjoyable if I didn't have to spend the time around these people 24 HOURS A DAY and do things that I want to do. I was really looking forward to going shopping, which I've barely done because everytime my mom and I go into a store, my dad sits outside and hates his life. What the fuck do you expect? God, I can't wait to go back to school. I can't stand the fact that when I'm at home, I have NO freedom. Someobody's always in my face nagging me about something, expecting something from me, or just being plain ANNOYING. I just can't stand being in Ashburn and I'm so pissed off that I have to go back tomorrow. It's only for a week until I go back to school, but I HATE seeing the same faces of the people I went to high school with, whom 95% proved themselves to be completely fake. Going home is like being stuck in high school, you can't escape these people, the town and it's surrounding area are so small, and no matter where you go, you can't escape people or meet new people. I hope this week in Cali sparked some ideas in my dad's head about moving here soon. Considering the fact that I'm going to look at FIDM's campus later, I think the gears are slowly turning. My sunburnt self is now going to get ready for my last night here.

3:22am: So now we've migrated to Los Angeles. Yesterday, we took a bus tour to Tijuana, Mexico, it was supposed to be a tour thing, and they pretty much picked us up, and dropped us off in Tijuana for 5 hours. It would have been cool if the city had more to offer than a bunch of tourist shops, each shop having the SAME thing to offer. So we pretty much walked around bored all day, and then got on the bus for 2 hours while we waited in traffic lines to go through US customs. I love how in Mexico, they don't care who crosses the border, you literally drive over the thick yellow line, they don't care who you are or anything, but when you try to go back to the United States, they scan your bags and scan your passports and what not. I know that the United States generally has more to offer than Mexico does, but I think their lack of security along the border makes the country pretty vulnerable. After we got back into the country, we drove to this awesome mall in the city. It was mostly outdoors, which was something new and different, because apparently, it doesn't rain that much here. We went into this 5 STORY Nordstrom. It was amazing. The BP department was definetely DOUBLE the size of the one I work in, and one of the girls working there was telling me that their BP was the smallest one in San Diego. I wonder how fun it would be to shop in the others? And we went into Macy's...they definetely sell higher end designer denim there. That's when you know a mall is really good...where they have a variety of stores, from Hot Topic to upscale department stores and designer denim can be sold in more than one store. Well, that's just my opinion, but I'm sure some will agree. Yeah so today we went to the San Diego zoo which was pretty cool, I took tons of pictures, which will be up on my site soon. And as aforementioned, we are now in LA. We pretty much got here and then went straight to the hotel, so I still have yet to see everything. It's been a few years since I've been here, so I don't really remember some of it. I'm basically really tired right now, and it doesn't seem like I'm getting used to the time difference here because I get tired around 9 or 10 here and we've been waking up early. Oh well. I guess I'm heading to bed now.

10:14pm: loves it.
Okay so today, my family went to this water park that's literally built in the desert and it was so awesome. It was just so much fun. My brother is hilarious and kept saying the funniest things...like, my dad saw this one girl in the wave pool wearing what he thought was a house arrest band around her ankle, and we all turned and looked, and when she was walking out, she noticed my brother was looking and asked him what he was staring at, and he goes "Are you on house arrest?" and she said yes, and he laughed at her and walked away. I don't know, it was just hilarious. The things my brother says/does never cease to amaze me. And then before we left, my dad went on the big waterslide of the park, and...oh my god- out of all of the roller coasters and water slides I've experienced, I've NEVER been on something so intense in my entire life. Like...it was a tube ride, so my Dad and I went in a round 2 person tube, and I can't even describe the adrenaline rush I got. As soon as you went down the slide, it went SO fast, and it was so dark in the slide...and then when it opens up, there's like a drop at a 75 degree angle that practically made my stomach crawl up my throat. Then it pushes you out into this cone shaped thing out in the open where you make a half circle on both sides...I can't really describe it, but I will post pictures. It was so amazing. My dad and I were SCREAMING the entire time...I was actually shaking during one of the parts because I thought I was going to die. I was holding onto the handles so hard that I actually almost broke my pinky finger...I thought I did, but I was able to move it. So yeah...amazing experience at this water park. Now I'm waiting for my brother to get out of the shower so I can stop freezing my ass off and get in myself. And one of the main water pipes of San Diego broke last night, so all of the restaurants in the city limits are closed. I have a feeling we're going to be eating at In N Out burger again. Fine by me though, that stuff is good.

7:08pm: Wow.
California is so amazing. I definetely really want to move here. Right now we are on our way to San Diego and the scenery throughout the entire drive is just amazing. I hope that my dad decides that he wants to move us here. Oh yeah... no freaking heatwave here either. Its about 80 degrees and sunny without a single cloud in the sky. I LOOOOOOVE IT!

1:26am: Last night I had the worst nightmare I've ever experienced. I NEVER remember my dreams enough to tell them, but I remember this one pretty well, and it really bothers me. It took place in my old house in Florida. I doubt anyone who's ever been in that house is reading this, but when you walk upstairs, to the left of the staircase is my parents bedroom, and to the right is a hall with 3 other bedrooms. Mine is on the left, my sister's is in the middle, and my brother's is on the right. Anyway, in my dream, my brother and sister were murdered by an intruder. Even though my room was right near my siblings, I never heard it happen, because the intruder did this during the night when everyone was asleep. I remember my house smelling really bad, and how I was deathly afraid. I was afraid for my life during the entire dream. In another part of the dream, I was walking around my middle school that I went to in Florida, and it was a Sunday. There was a church event going on in one of the classrooms, and I felt like I was being chased around the school by the killer while church was in session. And then I ran past the room with the church people right as it was letting out, and then Sean, my friend from school (CNU) comes to the rescue and saves me, and then the killer vanishes. I return to my home later, and it still smells foul. I just felt extremely uncomfortable, and I remember sitting on our pink leather couches bawling my eyes out and just being really scared. And then I think one of my parents was killed. It's just really weird that I remember this dream, and it's so disturbing to me. The weird thing is, I kept waking up during it, and then going back to sleep noting that I'd interrupted the dream and it would be over, but when I fell asleep again, it would resume. I'm so freaked out.

1:07am: So I'm thinking that this heat wave really needs to die down or something because I really can't take it anymore. I hate driving to work in my car that's at least 110 degrees inside of it and then going to work feeling all nasty. I'm from southern Florida...a lot closer to the fucking EQUATOR, and it never gets this hot there.

11:44am: I'm so used to waking up around 11 or earlier for work that I can't sleep any later than that when I really have nothing else to do. That's going to be really weird for me when I go back to school. Major adjustments will have to be made so I will be able to stay up late. I hope the people on my hall this year are cool though. That would suck if they weren't, and Teara and I went to bed super early every night. At least Joe and Bryant are on our hall.
So tomorrow I have to attend a diversity class/training program at work. I got a kick out of that when I first found out. Supposedly, they're going to teach us what to say and what not to say and what not. Weird. I'm getting bored so I'm done.

9:04pm: testing 123 bitches I'm doing this from my cellphone.
I love my new cellphone. I just looked at movie times on this shit.

8:54am: Feeling much better. I guess I just needed a couple of days worth of relaxation and getting lots of sleep. I'm definetely ready to take on work for a few more days and then a nice vacation for a week. I got a new cell phone yesterday...it's quite fun, and it's pink. It's great how I benefit from my brother breaking his cell phone. He breaks his phone, and Verizon changes the date where I can buy a new phone, and he gets my old one. So I'm just waiting for this week to be over. I hate saying that on a Monday, because it takes freaking forever, but I really am waiting. I feel like I deserve a vacation. To freaking CALIFORNIA nonetheless. My dad's company gets discount tickets to a lot of the major theme parks in southern California, and I know we're going to Universal Studios, a waterpark, and the San Diego Zoo...maybe I'll see some penguins and seahorses? Niiiiiiiiice. Enough rambling, it's shower time.

11:00pm: oh.my.god.
Ughhhhh I feel so horrible. I don't know if my allergies are bothering me, or if I'm getting sick, but I feel like I have mono all over again. I'm so tired all of the time. And the fact that it's so miserably boring around here doesn't help at all. I feel like even though when I'm away at school, I have tons of academic work to do, I'm so much happier there, and a lot less exhausted. I have so much energy all of the time, it's so easy to make friends with people there, and everything can be turned into something fun. At home, it's completely the opposite. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to come home for this long next summer. I wish I could stay in Norfolk or something for the summer and just not come home. I need some kind of change. Anyways, at least I got the Betsey Johnson purse of my dreams. But you know what? I'm realizing that the only thing that keeps me happy aside from the very little time I spend with friends is the material things I purchase for myself. I've analyzed it, and I think that's why I have a shopping problem when I'm at home. That's so pathetic. So I'm really excited to go to California. One week from tomorrow....and I go back to school 3 weeks from tomorrow. Niiice.

11:32pm: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2890349/0~2379292~2380331~6003384~6003385?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6003385&P=1
This actually makes me kind of sort of want to have kids. Look, matching pants just like the one's Mommy has on!

11:59am: Somebody get me OUT of here. I'm so sick of living with BIPOLAR, ANNOYING, and MOODY people. If you're going to be fucking pathetic all of the time, find someone else to bitch at. I work as many hours as I do for obvious reasons such as money, but I also work this much to get the fuck away, and I can't even spend a little time at home getting ready for work without being attacked. FUCK YOU. There's no way I'm coming home from school this year as much as I did last year. It's not worth the time, money, and the fact that I'll be missing out on more worthwhile things to do. I'll be home for Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, possibly Spring break, and fall break is just fucking PUSHING it. I've had it with all of this shit.

10:13pm: So tonight...I bought a pink Gameboy Advance SP. Sometimes, I think I'm 5. Whatever, at least I'll entertain myself in California on the 6 hour plane ride and long ass car trips.