| 3:13 am |
Acceptance
Well it has been the plan for awhile that me and my two friends Justin and Joe would all be going to Carleton university in the fall, but that has all changed now. I was pretty excited to have 2 of my good friends going so far from home with me. I know they applied to a really hard course that only accepts 90 people, but I had 100% faith they would both get in. I didn't even consider what if they didn't? Well I got my acceptance back in january but every day I had been checking with them to see if they had gotten in. Today I go on msn to find Joe tell me that Justin got in and he got denied. I was devasted, as was he. Weirdest thing was justin had a lower average? Makes no sense. Then I spoke to Justin and he feels terrible that Joe isnt going with him and it really took away from his excitement cause it was no longer as great as it shuld have been. Joe is super upset and I didn't even know what to say to him. He now wants to move to Belgium? He had no second choice for school lined up. I really do feel terrible.
Weird to think of what next year will be like now without the 2 of them going. Atleast Justin is still going :) But I can't decide if I like that it's just him going by himself or not. I'm sure we will hang out a lot more now but it still seems weird :( ughhhh
I really hope somehow Joe gets in or a spot opens up!! |
| 3:59 am |
"p.s. I love you"
I just finished watching the movie "p.s. I love you" and it really made me want to start back up my blurty account. I have been pretty sad lately and this movie really got to me. It made me realize how few great guys there really are out there. I know I am young and shouldn'y realy concern myself with things like relationships at my age but I can't help it. I went out this weekend to West 7, a country club/bar. I was having a lot of fun at first and enjoyed the attention from the guys but after awhile things went sour. I started to really realize how grosse guys can be. They wouldn't stop with the stupid pick up lines, and trying to buy me a drink, or take me for a dance, or even try to feel me up! I felt so violated. It has really made me loose all my hope in finding a great guy. What happened to romance? you see it in the movies but where is it in real life? It seems the closest thing i get is a guy hitting on me at a bar or party when alcohol is a factor, never does a guy approach you for conversation anywhere even remotely romantic. Maybe I'm not looking in the right places...
& furthermore all the good guys I know are treated like shit. It really does not seem fair at all. Not to mention all the great girls end up with jerk boyfriends. Why is it so rare two great people ever find eachother? First of all my friend Zack is a great guy, but is strung along hard by his ex/current fling who he can't let go. I can see how much it hurts him but even tho he likes her he would be better off without her in his life. I can tell she just wants time to be wild and free and she is young so who can blame her? but she needs to let him be so he can be happy and find someone who really appriciates him. Second, my other good friend Justin just got cheated on by his girlfriend. I really liked her but as much as he couldn't see it, I knew he liked her far more then she returned the feelings. Its been a week and he stopped talking to her but what I found weird is after she admitted to cheating she didn't try to contact him once? not a call or anything. I really do feel very bad for him because I know what that is like. He needs someone who would fight for him, not totally give up.
As for me It's been 5 months since me and Matt broke up and for some reason I am still extreamly bothered by it...why is that? We dated for 2 months then he dumped me for his ex girfriend in the cruelest way possible. I really should hate him for what he did but I don't. Infact I still really like this boy. It bothers me to even see his friends or hear his name. This weekend his friend brett came u and wispered in my ear at west 7 " matt didn't deserve you" out of nowhere and I swear It broke my heart. I have been wanting to hear that for so long , and by his friend no less. I felt really bad because brett was really sweet and deffinately trying to hit on me all night but I just couldn't respond well to it because all I wanted was for him to tell me more about Matt. I wonder why I am still so upset.. I think its because I didn't see it coming and had such high hopes for us? or maybe because it really crushed my ego? ....but really I know it has something to do with him completely ignoring me after as if I had done something wrong! Why woulnd't he want to be my friend atleast? I would have really liked him as a friend. I think if i got to see him since the break-up in a friendly situation it would have helped me to get over him.
Why is it that I think about him everyday and i doubt he even remembers I exsist. I just want to know if he ever thinks about me...or missed me when I was gone.
Since Justin and his girlfriend broke up we have been talking more than usual in a more than usually flirty way. I have always had interest in him but he is also a great friend and I don't wanna ruin anything by talking to him in this way. I also don't want to be his rebound...his bandaid solution to heartache untill he either forgives her and moves on or takes her back. I don't need to be a rebound...again. On the other hand he is a great guy and we are both going to the same University in the fall so it had potential to work. For now I'm just gonna see where it goes.
And I still have the biggest crush on boy "f" as we call him. He is the cutest, filthiest boy ever haha. Makes me smile as soon as I see him. We always flirt when we are around eachother but I am never certain if he is into me? I mean he must be right, I never see him talking this way to other girls. Only thing is he is very shy which makes things hard because I can't make first moves myself. Also he doesn't have msn or facebook which are also relationship developers. We exchanged number but we never txt. He's not that type of guy I could ask to go for coffee with, he's the type I would txt to say "wheresss the bender!" which makes getting closer to him very hard. I can tell it's going to be a long summer but by the end of it something must happen between the 2 of us. I really need to get him out of my system. It's been a year of constant flirting and it's looong overdue. :) |