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Monday, July 31st, 2006

    Time Event
    3:08p
    Journal start. I never have used a journal. Now I am needing to get screwed up things out of my head. I have a lot of thoughts that my brain processes and I never usually say what I think or what I want. I like to keep the peace as much as possible so nothing goes horribly wrong. I am bad at speaking my mind and telling certain people what I think. I am complacent.
    I never used to be this way and now i want to get out of it. Even though depression has started to get the best of me, I have started tryingto get myself together. I keep thinking to myself that I am going to 25 this year. I need to actually go for something that makes me happy. I have hurdles, but those hurdles are small in comparison to what could happen to my life.
    I have 3 beautiful children and they are not goingto be small forever. I have a husband who seems to not give a shit one way or another of what i do as long as it looks like I have done something that day. I want attention from him and anm actual relationship. I keep saying things to him and nothing has changed. It seems the pc is a better thing than his family. I used to be fun once and over the last couple of months since I have moved from OH to VA and had a baby I am not that person right now that I am familiar with. I am making the steps I have to take happen. Now I gotta get the control on my emotions and my bordom. Make it happen, make it happen. If I cannot do it for myself then how can i do it for my kids in an effective way? Little by little it can get there. Hang in there.

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