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[19 Nov 2009|10:33am] |
Mom and Dad are home. And they brought me conch they caught while conching a few days ago. Jen tweeted me saying 'caught' is probably not the correct verb since conch don't technically flee from you, so what verb do I use? dove for? gathered? I mean they're not picking berries so gathered doesn't work. Oh well. I suppose it doesn't really matter.
Needless to say Tantan just woke me up from my deep slumber. (I was having a bizarre dream). Looks like we're going up there to make conch salad! I am SO excited! It is going to be so satisfying and comforting to have some Bahamian food back in the states. It feels like it's going to be so unnatural... like seeing someone I only see there, here. I have such a difficult time separating the two worlds. Even Misty has never been here. I just see her in vacation world.
Ok, time to gooo! I cannot prolong this conch wait any longer. goodbye!
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[17 Nov 2009|09:13am] |
I'm moving back to Edmonton!!
Lol.
Apartment hunting on Saturday...
Job hunting... Work in progress...
Selling horse...
I wanna move now!!
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[16 Nov 2009|04:08pm] |
Everyone (minus Amy who is taking the picture) before the boat trip.
'Peppercorn' turned over where they hit the rock. This is where they were stranded for 2-3 hours last night.
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[15 Nov 2009|11:10pm] |
I just experienced the worst surge of emotions I've ever felt in my life. I'm still coming out of shell shock. I can't stop shaking. Everything just happened so fast. I didn't even have time to process it until I heard my moms voice and I just lost it. Everything I couldn't grasp just came pouring out in about 10 minutes worth of sobbing.
Misty called me. I don't know what I thought she was calling for. Maybe she was planning Thanksgiving break and had decided she was going to come here? That's what I was expecting. I thought she was laughing when I answered the phone and then through broken sobs she managed to tell me that our parents had gotten in a boating accident coming home from dinner and she didn't know if they were okay but that it just came over the radio to Clint that their boat sunk.
I didn't even speak at first. I couldn't function. I just started violently shaking. and I called anyone. Chris who didn't answer and then Josh. It's weird - I didn't have any "one" to call - I was just calling the most recent faces I could picture in my mind. Josh didn't know what to say and I just started panicking and then Misty called again to say that all eight of them were on the rescue boat and my mom would call me.
After I hung up with her and realized they were alive I think everything just flooded me. I literally collapsed and was screaming I was crying so hard. And then my mom called and I was just sobbing, I couldn't stop we couldn't even speak we were just crying on the phone to each other. My dad had to take the phone from her after five minutes because he was afraid one of us was going to pass out. He was okay. His head is cut up pretty badly and he needs stitches.
Mom went to shower because she was shaking. We couldn't hold a conversation so it was for the best anyway. What do you say other than I love you when you experience that fear?
I called Misty. I said I'm sorry about Peppercorn and all we could do was say we really didn't even care about the damn boat, just thank God they're all okay. And we decided we'd talk tomorrow when we were composed. And then I was crying from relief and my mom called again to tell me how she was the only one who almost didn't make it and went through how it happened and I could barely listen and she could barely speak.
Apparently Jack they hit an island dead on. The moon is barely out tonight so they couldn't see a thing. The boat flipped over on top of them all. Everyone got out but apparently my mom was stuck in the wires and she thought she was just going to drown right then. Apparently Jack went back under the boat for her, untangled her and pulled her out.
This all happened hours ago, mind you. The eight of them (Mom, Dad, Jack, Lana, Mary Day, her husband, Pete, and Amy) all climbed on top of the overturned boat and sat on top while it veryyyy slowly sank for hours just screaming into the dark hoping someone would hear them. It took 2-3 hours and fortunately someone over on Pelican Cay could hear them screaming all the way across the water. Island Marine came and rescued them. Everyone is okay. It's a miracle that nobody did die. Lana says they all should have snapped their necks when it flipped on them. I can't even imagine what that feels like. To be going full speed across the water and in one second be suffocated by a boat trapping you under the water. I just can't. even after mom sat on the phone sobbing and telling me everything that happened.
I can't function. I need to calm down. and I need to see my parents.
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[14 Nov 2009|10:16am] |
Ohh I don't typically post from blogs but this is beautiful.
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[12 Nov 2009|10:30am] |
I should make better attempts at being friends with Rich. He is such an awesome guy/lab partner. He is also my neighbor so when I pulled in my driveway I was surprised to see his car at the end of my driveway. "Hey! Wow, I just realized I didn't even see you in the test - were you even there?" "Haha that is the exact reason I'm swinging by your house! I didn't see you either and I was afraid you missed it!" - how sweet. but still, I don't understand how I didn't see him. Probably because I was so indulged in my mini study group that formed half an hour began class.
I feel good about the test, but that is always a jynx so I'm going to not talk about it all together. I am amazed that I have not gone through crash mode yet. But it will come, I know it will come. While I'm energized I suppose I should put my spree towards cleaning and making lunch! Hello early weekend - I am retiring from doing any more school work this week. So it's a good thing I have nothing more to do! Except my I.C. meeting which reminds me that I need to sent out an e-mail statttt! Goodbye!
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[11 Nov 2009|06:34pm] |
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You know the feeling when your heart is broken... And you breathe in? I hate it and at the same time I love it, it makes me feel alive.
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[11 Nov 2009|08:19pm] |
I don't want to study chemistry. I want to write. reflect. drink coffee. I don't smoke but I could probably go for a cigarette right now too. I want to re-read all my highlights of 'Looking for Alaska' and I want to sit around and laugh at my life and the person I am. I really like myself and I think that is a good thing. Sometimes I get high off of my own thoughts. Tonight would be one of those nights. but I procrastinated. and now, rather than enjoying this perfect coffee with some intriguing words I have to do it over air pollutants and acid rain. bummer.
Tomorrow I will celebrate. I have all intentions of skipping my miserable transportation class and going to Chris, Matt, and Noel's show. I figure I haven't been to a full class yet, why start now? As far as my english professor knows I am home at my parents with the flu (which I most likely now have after running in the freezing rain) and, well, Ownby just likes me so he has been okay with my early leaves of absence. Like during our nature walk that I went to completely unprepared in 2 inch heel boots and my nice grey Express shirt and skinny jeans.
"I missed the part about lab being outside"
"Yeah, I mentioned it at the end of lecture this morning"
"Oh, yeah, thats why - I had to slip out early"
"Oh don't worry, I noticed"
"Sorryyyyyy"
& of course 40 minutes later
"You guys are flying through this lab... two at once?"
"I kind of have to leave in 5 minutes, thats why"
"You know lab is scheduled til 3:50"
"I know but we alwaysss get out by 2:30 and I am dirt poor... I had to take this shift I've got bills to pay and I can'ttt pay them"
Hahahha now that I'm writing out these conversations I'm realizing Ownby is shit cool. I actually really enjoy him as a professor. Probably because our class is small so we all know each other. I like that. I like that Rich and I are trying to plan out schedules together next semester because we get along so well as lab partners. I like that we can go to happy hour together and talk about our lives with each other. and that he calls me up to hang out sometimes but i'm always busy. and that he lives with drug dealers who he told me can get me weed at anytime. and wow this entry just took a random turn. I don't even know what I was originally talking about.
Oh! Raging. So tomorrow I will not go to class. I will go see Isthmus. and stand in a crowd with about 4 other metal kids in a frilly dress because I do not belong in that scene but am somehow fascinated by it anyway. And then I will drink heavily. because according to chris I am an alcoholic. and then Friday I will go to the Recher and see FiTH for the first time in a year. and then I will rage again for Garretts birthday. and then I am free from Chemistry for TWO WEEKS because Ownby is the shit and is letting us off. Which I'm actually kind of sad about because I really don't mind chem. I just mind it now because I'm not in the right frame of mind. God dammit. I'm going to study. Goodbye.
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[11 Nov 2009|03:33pm] |
I hate sleeping alone.
I hate not having him here.
I hate that after 2 years, I still can't get over it.
I hate that I broke him.
I hate that it's going to be 2 years to the day tomorrow.
I love him.
I love his smile.
I love the little mole on his hand.
I love when he calls me a nerd.
I love that I can be me with him.
I love his tummy.
I want to be with him.
I want him to forgive me.
I want him to love me the way he did before.
I want to take it all back.
I want those 2 years without him back.
I want to start again.
I am sorry.
I am sad.
I am happy when he hugs me.
I am confused.
I am lost.
I am alone.
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[09 Nov 2009|08:21pm] |
Sometimes, I think I want to be Alaska.
I am going to go for a run. and then drink wine and be sad because I am alone. and think about the labyrinth of dying and John Greene's excellent words. and coach. and whether I'm a happy person who just hates to be by myself or a sad person who likes to fill up every chance of being sad with something to do, somewhere to go, someone to see. this of course is probably split right down the middle. i just tend to move back and forth between the two so easily. so hello, running shoes. i'm going to hit the pavement with a little passion pit, mogwai, and owl city because they're the only sounds that seem to satisfy my senses this week.
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