[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Sunday, November 30th, 2008|
I think about you often,
I miss you everyday
My heart wears your scars
Im sorry, I should have fought harder
I should have thought more,
I should have caught you when you fell
It's too late for maybes, I know this,
2 years too late
So when will this emptyness fill,
When will my tears dry,
When will I stop wishing,
I know it's simple
I miss you
I know that's ok
I miss your smile,
I miss your eyes,
I miss your laugh
I miss you and me
I did'nt have time to think about it,
You where inside my skin before i knew it,
and now here we are.
Do you think about me often?
I cant escape my thoughts of you
You hold me near you,
tell me there's no future here you can see
I know your right, so why cant we walk away
Where are these invisable ties?
binding us together in a web of our lies
When im not with you, its easy to hate you,
When your lying next to me, my body tenses for your touch
When your here with me i know its all right.
Secrets and lies bind us
Fear of the truth blinds us
What have I become?
Barriers, shields, a iron heart.
You broke each and everyone with the first kiss
You tell me you dont want me
I tell you to walk away
Your still here, and neither of us knows why
What is this bind....
|Thursday, October 9th, 2008|
The trips and turns it takes
It's been a while...
You try and do a favour and its thrown back at you, over and over again, you try each and every way and its never right.
You loose your mind trying to hang on for the right time and the right moment to leave and thats not right either, so you go away for a while, come back and find what you thought you had never really exsisted. So you think, you take your time, you plan and you decide, that walking away forever is the key to it all.
Leave them all to it, as you presence seems to make it worse for them anyway, thats how they see it, it seems, so walk away for ever, leave them to it, send them your best wishes and walk, and dont ever look back.
There's a point in which you have to know when to give up, there's a point in which you have to learn to let go, even if that means you loose it all, they have shown they dont care, so many times, so its ok, i get it now, i will leave you in peace, i will leave.
Im not sure if im on the right track......
|Sunday, August 17th, 2008|
and then it began
Sometimes, i think it would be nice to just disapear.
Start again, new name, new face, new place.
Then i remember i did that, and im still running from myself, which seems to follow me relentlessly no matter where i go.
Im sick of fighting a war i never signed up to, battles i never aggreed to, and feelings i cant even describe.
Maybe im loosing my mind, maybe this is relality.
When i did become everything i never wanted to be?
Im sick of this....pretence.
Do i look alright to you? with tears in my eyes, a hole in my heart, and a dagger perched curiously on the edge......
Excuse my nonsense and excuse my nonsenseicle rambling, this is merely my life.
(excuse my bad spelling, i have no excuses for that)
I wonder how i got here, i wonder alot how that happended, where things so bad before that i wanted to swap it for this?
Get out, easy to say, oh yes.
In reality i will follow myself every where i go, so alas my problems will always be there. If only there where a way to loose part of yourself.
Without loosing a limb, as they help.
Maybe we're all a charade really, we sport this shell to the outside world, perfectly formed humans, with all our marbles in tact, but as soon as that front door closes maybe we all melt down into this smush of non understanding hurt and shame.
Maybe thats just me.
Im not enjoying leaving the house currently, if i can spend days without doing so, then i do, its ok theres no one to notice or care, so i can.