Powered by Blurty.com
You are viewing the most recent 11 entries.
7th January 2006
Sugar i am going down. oh? am i down already?
Dammit its been such a long time wow november its so far from now soo many things happened but since i dont update this thing anymOre (except when im totally depressed, which i am) you'll never know. Boo. lol... :
i feeel sad right now. new year by the way, wow i think its gonna be just the same crap than last year. Fuck resolutions, you know they mean nothing, why do we keep doing them?
anyways i dont wanna give all the details but lets just say that Hugo (the eternal same hugo, the ex, the one i like, that i hate, that pisses me off, that makes me laugh... blablablah) is going out with paola (which is very adorable), and that made me jealous so i asked him out again and he said no coz he's very happy with her.
Then he heard i was going out with john (that i met at a party) and he changed his mind and told me he wasnt very happy and probably gonna break up. greeeeat.
about me, im heartbroken. lol im annoying. why cant john be as nice as he seems. for the first time i feel like i really like the guy lol. i know its weird but i never loved the guys i was going out with.
im known as a cheater. hes known as a cheater too. my best friend thinks that if we go out together we're gonna fall in love or something and stop cheating.
im okay with that. but him, he'll never change lol... well i bet he cheated on me 204909 times when he was in America and he hits on other girls all the time i know that. oh well. i cant say i dont give a shit coz its not true why do i like him its so lame i deserve better than that i know shit why am i always attracted by mean and fake people. (yeah coz john doesnt wanna admit he cheated on half of his girlfriends.)
hes coming back tomoz im scared and i dont know how to tell him.. tell him what? that i dont want him to cheat on me and to break up with all the non official girlfriends? that officially do not exist?!
crapppppppppppppppppppp.i hate myself for loving guys like this. fuck it
SHUT UP IT MAKES SENSE IN MY HEAD
aaaah, sugar we're going down
Current Music: Fall Out Boy- Sugar we're going down
19th November 2005
Long time i havent updated this thing but i will never let it down lol coz its the only personal i have... (except my cute real diary lolz) :
anywayz i feel sick..sad..tired..bored.. i feel like giving up on some things.
i made one more mistake. i regret it.
i hope all my life isnt gonna be like that.
Current Music: Yellowcard - only one
6th October 2005
i havent been updating for a long time because i created this new awesome blog:
www.myspace.com/made_adele to create one go on www.myspace.com its rad.
well well this blurty's not gonna die dont worry cause when ive got big sad entries i prefer writing em here. coz theres so many people reading my myspace.
xoxox adelly the one and only cant clone me yall!!
25th September 2005
Think before acting. Think before acting. Act before thinking. uh, no. Think before acting.
Fokitty (or whatever i called u) u rock. :
Oh, shit. what have i done again. so yeah. Hugo and I are back together.well we were back together yesterday night. He came over to my place with a couple of buddies and huh we watched this horror movie and.. well you know. Yay, you're right, this cant be. So i have to break up huh?
Sms sucks, but i dont need to see him in front.Thats so not important. So yay, sms.
"Hi hugo its benji,im so sorry but i think its a bit too early and that we should be sure of what we feel for each other before being going out. I know smss suck but im not sure of hanging out with you today so yeah. i really like you so its better to tell u now that waiting. Xoxo, take care. benji."
That's so bitchy right? But its already been sent. anyways, im so stupid. why did i do that. i knew it all along. It was so predictable. =)
I hate thinking.
Edit 5:34 PM: I cant believe it. Hugo's not mad at me. Woah. He has definitely grown up since last year. No, his IQ definitely higher. (There's an other thing which has grown up actually.. Shut up brain! Shut up brain!)
Hey you people, when i write its like i know sum people is gonna read this, but id be pleased if u could stop reading. It's my life, i know yall are jealous but its mine so go get one. ^^ hahahahahahah.ahahaha.hahahahahahahahahahaha.!
Current Music: The world is mine- David Guetta
22nd September 2005
The world is black and hearts are cold...
I wonder if i should put names in my blurty. I mean, its my diary and all but somehow i know some people i know are reading it and im gonna be in trouble if i put names. But i want to. Well from now i will. :
Or maybe just the first letter. I dont know.
So i got many answers from David. so happy!! hes giving me new addies hes such a sweetheart.
Anyways, im so damn bored now, havent done my fuck*** homework but dont feel like doing it, nobody's online (except that guy, F., who's keeping saying that Metallica is the best band ever and GC sucks and im laughing at him but i think he didnt find out).
Im allright now but its like time stopped, just for me. Eveybody's still living, they look happy and all, so what the fuck is wrong with me i dont fit with anybody. I miss my best friend so bad right now. Sometimes im with her but its like im alone because shes not herself. Oh no lets not talk bout herself/myself again. Anyways i miss her so bad i want her back, she doesnt understand me the way she used to.
My dog have been bitten by an ther dog. He got hurt real bad. :(
DAVID BILLY BENJI JOEL AND TONY ARE MY SEX GODS!!!
Current Music: Good Charlotte- The anthem.
19th September 2005
I just wanna liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!
Hey hey hey. im good. U too? oh cool. :
I just wanna liiiive.. Please Heline, stop singing it. I'm already listening to it half of my day so just stop screamin it in my ears. It kinda hurts now. eheh.
Oh im kinda tired of some of my (old) (ex) (not anymore) friends too. They're like:
Them - Benji, you changed. Gosh, you changed, you changed, you chaaaaaaaaaanged!!
Me - Yay.
Me - What?
Them - We didn't want you to chaaaange.
Me - Oh. I did. And I don't regret anything.
Me - Oh yeah, i changed a bit but that's bad you guys didn't change. You suck. and that's sad.
I want people to like me the way i am. Not another way, not the way i was. Because im living NOW. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, just now now now.
I just wanna live.
Hey to all the guys who think im giving up everything and everybody, that is not true. I'm not showing off but i got a lotta friends and i cant be with everybody allright? I'M NOT LETTING YOU DOWN, I JUST TRYING TO LIVE. I'm trying to be nice to everyone of you but that's not that easy. You're not the only one that have problems, everybody got some. Even me.
I love you guys but please let me some space kk? Thanks so much.
Sorry if my update sucked... But sometimes you just feel like doing things and i felt like writing that. Fuck posers, just be yourself.
IT GOT TO BE GOT TO BE.
Good Charlotte i luv uuuu soooo much.
Bitchy Benji. Because she just wanna live. And she's not letting u down, she's just herself.
Current Music: Good Charlotte- Riot Girl
18th September 2005
It's a new day but it all feels old...
3,2,1, Oui c'est le weekend!! (sorry. some french bitchy lame song.)
So i had a good time yesterday hanging out with some friends. Life's starting to look like life again. I'm still really bored, though. almost had an heart attack when checking my mail! Got some replies from Joel and David. So happy. These guys are sooo sweet.
Oh yea and Billy created this site, he'll put all his artwork on it so check it out. www.bloodzilla.com
I'm going to a friend's house now. Manson's house if you wanna know. ;) Haha it's a new day but it all feels old. I kinda feel like im back one year ago, all these quiet days at each friend's house, doing nothin, just enjoyin being together. That's over now because half of my best friends are gone but, i wonder if it will ever change. Anyway, i love you Manson if u read this. (but you don't. Bah.) ayt, ill update later.
a happy Benji aka made_adele.
Current Music: Good Charlotte- The anthem.
14th September 2005
I don't wanna live this life...
Nah, this isn't a suicide letter. Today's isn't the day that i die. (well i dont think so..) :
I'm fucked up. really. im sick of all this people lying and telling crap to each other. i mean, gossip is funny, but sometimes u gotta stop. and thats enough.
today i had so many problems cause of a misunderstanding. that funny story turned so big. so weird.
My friends are so weird too. They're always saying they're always there for me and that i can count on them but when i need them and feel depressed nobody hears me. Like, right now. Im online and everybody's talking about their problems, their life, blablabla and all, they're all talking but nobody asked me how [b] I [/b] feel. Omg ive got this big entry in my mind but i cant write it. There's so much shit goin thru my head but i dont know how to explain it. Anyway, no one will read this so thats okay...
I feel so bad..
My friends are calling me (not tonight, tonight everybody seems to have forgot that i exist) and askin me:
Old Friend 1: "hey benji (benji's my nickname, idiot.), you're not the same girl that before. What have happened to you?"
Good Friend 2: "hi, i wanted to tell you that its too bad you changed, you were much funnier last summer."
Friend 3:"Adele, how come you're not nice with me anymore?"
New Friend "Why are you so broken inside? I don't understand"
Fuck... I don't understand either!! Let me breathe, that's already hard... Well that's not what i told to them.
ME: "oh im so sorry ill change."
So im trying everyday to be nice with everybody, with this fucking BIG FAKE SMILE on my FAKE face, with all this FAKE people in this FAKE place. But that's enough! I can't act happy if im not.
And the thing is, im sad.
So ill just be sad and if i look happy that's because im happy because i cant look happy without being happy!!
SHUT UP IT MAKES SENSE IN MY HEAD!!
Don't worry, im not gonna kill myself.
(But who cares anyway?)
To good charlotte: yeah thats right try to believe... Because i dont.. =(
i'm not dead yet.
Current Music: Good Charlotte - S.O.S
12th September 2005
Some Say That Time Changes... And Best Friends Can Become Best Friends Again.
I still hate Mr.Blurty. He deleted my long update again. (So its gonna be short again, u lucky one). :
Hi. When i got back home i took a shower, i put on some sexy eyeliner, a cute shirt and a cute tie and all. Then i sat in front of my computer. And now im writing this.
I.M. S.O. F.U.C.K.I.N.G B.O.R.E.D. But at least im not depressed. Yeah, thats okay today im in a good mood. I think this year's gonna be long. for real. Not hard or anything, just looooooooooooooooong. Borring. Maybe i should just go to sleep and wake up when september ends. (haha. green day rocks.)
Im happy. Manson and I are best friends again. I thought i was never gonna talk to her again. thats so happy. Young and hopeless, people!! Well my good mood's coming back now. well i hope he'll stays with me, i wanna be happy. aha everybody's callin me Benji now because of some stuff weve done a few days ago and because of my make up too (same that him). As a good charlotte fan, i think thats cool. :) My best friend's a bit less lucky, shes being called Manson or Granny manson ahahaha.
I WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT CHOCOLATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTE!!
Allright everybody, i love you.
XxxX take care.
adele aka benji!
SMILE (thanks to spessica from gc. board)
smile, though your heart is aching,
smile even though its breaking,
when there are clouds in the sky you’ll get by
if you smile through your fears and sorrows
smile and maybe tomorrow you’ll see the sun come shining through
if you light up your face with gladness
hide every trace of sadness although a tear may be ever so near
that’s the time you must keep on trying
smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll see that life is still worth while if you just smile
Current Music: Good Charlotte - The truth
10th September 2005
My life's a swimming pool. And im not retarded. (yet)
My life is like a swimming pool. Ayt, let me explain. :
Everyday during the week, it's like im swimming under the water. Maybe im drowning myself, actually. Anyway, it's like im under the water and I CANT BREATHE.
Then saturday comes and that's sooo great. (shit its like im doing pub for this fuckin Michael Gray song, i cant wait for the weekend to begin or somethin) It's not the same things, routine and stuff, you cant go out, meet new people, see other friends... man thats so good. i need it. thanks anybody who invented weekends.
I feel borred. What's life really about? Work hard everyday in a borred place with borred people and try to have fun and forget about these days on week ends? Is that life? I don't think so. Is there real life somewhere else then? Where??
I had a good week end. That was cool to see other friends, other people and meet new ones, discover new personalities, fresh. you know what i mean, dont you? We could act without thinking, just live, forget about all our problems; It's the same thing when you're at a Good charlotte concert lol, you forget about your life and just enjoy the show. well thats sorta same.
Hey Mr.blurty, you suck. I wrote a much longer update and you didnt put it online. Im very mad at you. =)
cya laterz. Bye.
Current Music: Sum 41- We're all to blame
7th September 2005
hey anyone who reads this =) :
Eheh... yea I just created my blurty too. i know it's weird because sometimes i like what's authentic and old skool like real diaries. But online its sooo much easier to update, lol. And it still really helps me so yea.. Whatever, i do what i want aight?!
* well here we are. A new year, a new beginning (im talking skool year dude.). i already had enough but i guess i'll just have to stand up and hold on, like i always did. Thanks joel, i dunno what id do without your voice. such a good therapy eheh! sometimes ill wrote in french where there'll be so much words in my head that i cant continue in english...
* au secours *
aight i love you. (not you all =)
laterz for another update. i know this one sucks but its always weird beginning a site =)
Current Music: Good Charlotte - Hold On.