...non-existent...   
09:14am 01/08/2003
 
mood: depressed
music: Evanescence: "My Last Breath"
My first journal and my first entry... I don't even know why I'm writing this... Probably because of Eiri... Definetly because of Eiri. How we ended up meeting it actually a long story- one I'm going to have to tell.

You've read my profile, right? You know I live- lived - on the streets, and what a hell my life was? Well, today started out the same. I had been wandering about doing my usual nothing, when he walked up and what a first impression he made... He thought I was beautiful, that he wanted to talk to me.

I wasn't overly flattered when he thought I was beautiful, because right then, I didn't believe it. Of course, I had already made a little...eh, promise to myself... So I made an idiot of myself... God, I'm such an idiot when it comes to people... I kissed him. No, not even once. Twice.

Despite my obvious mistakes and flirtatious attempts, he took me in, saying he would share his apartment with me. I couldn't believe it... Hell, I still can't believe it. It was the best luck I've had in a while. Fate has always been a bitch to me, so I just know something is going to happen.

But him... Eiri Arashi... I don't want to have him taken from me, and I want let anyone take him. I already owe him so much... Free rooming and food, not to mention the clothes... He's hot, and damn hot, at that, but... It's now just that... I like him, and I mean I like him alot... And even without my heart, I think I could learn to love him.

I can almost understand him, just not why he's being so nice to me. He's had a horrible life, so many people betraying him... So how can he still be so nice? I'm pretty sure it's not common... Maybe it's just because I'm not affected by his siren-charm...

I don't know. Next to him, though, I feel dirty and fake... Eiri, he gave me the most beautiful -real- smile. I don't know... I just don't have the life energy to dredge up many sincere smiles... Not only that, I just don't feel clean... I feel like I'm out of place in his apartment... I just don't know.

Maybe I just need to relax. I hate feeling like this... I need a cigarette, and I wonder if he has any. Probably not... Damn. Maybe I shouldn't have made that stupid promise. God, I'm an idiot. God... What the fuck am I saying- writing, whatever? Gods, angels, and devils... Where the fuck have I been? None of those exist.
 
     

(break my heart)

 
Another Lost Soul   
12:47am 30/07/2003
 
mood: nostalgic
music: ... My thoughts.
Character Info

Name: Macia (nick name, he hates his real name)

Age: 16

Sex: Male

Race: Telepath / Human

Job: Cheating people out of their money, being depressed, and poor.

Relationship Status: Single.

RP Status: Alive, and where ever the hell he wants to be, dammit.

RP Alignment: Evil. Fear me, rawr.

Appearance: Check my avatar. Brown hair, blue eyes, skinny, 5'4"

Attire: A black zip up turtle neck, but sleeveless, shirt, and casual black pants tucked into boots. Still, he wears black fingerless gloves that go up to his elbows.

Weapon: His mind. Well, it's one of his weapons; he loves confusing his enemy's, acting on whatever insecurity pops into their mind. Other than that he uses whips.

Attack Style: Confuse, attack, back off, confuse, attack, back off.

History: Macia was pretty much just ignored. Something expected of the eldest of five children. . . to be ignored. That was his tragic childhood, he was ignored. I suppose, some need the attention and some don’t. Macia longed for attention, not only that, he could understand everything everyone thought about him... Which, being him, wasn't so wonderful.

That longing basically drove him to insanity. Smoking on school campus, suspend for his 9th grade year for bringing a weapon upon school campus, the dying of his hair pink once. . . The list goes on. But his insanity has toned down a little since his mastering of his telepathic power and his dropping out of school. A little, not too much though. He’s a bad boy to heart. Strangely enough, a virgin bad-boy, I mind you.

After he dropped out of highschool he stayed in his apartment, but his parents quit supporting him. Even with the job he had he couldn't afford it, and within a month he was both evicted from his apartment and lost his job. He ended up on the streets, which was what ended up killing him. Being a telepath he could hear everything thought around him... And he wasn't surrounded by nice people.

One thing that majorly got him, was when someone enivisioned sex with him and someone else murdering him... Those were two times he very nearly killed himself running. He honestly hates his power now, the many dead bodies and thoughts of suicide...

Macia has actually tried to commit suicide three times now. One time he slit both his wrists, but that was back when he was in highschool, and his parents found him. Another time shortly after he lost his job and home he nearly shot himself but someone walked in... And one time he tried to overdose on pills... but he ended up just knocked out for a week.

His many suicide attempts aside, life isn't much better now, he just basically wanders the streets now, reading peoples minds trying to get money.

Personality: Insane. Flirtatious. Spontaneous. Yet at most the time a strangely somber depressed teen. He’s not very predictable, and he likes it that way. Macia doesn’t want people seeing through him like a wall of glass. . . He’ll do anything to gain your attention though. Best advice, give him you attention. He is a loaded gun, himself. Add in his power to know everything you think, and you've got Macia.

Oh, and be careful what you think. He assumes that if you think it, its public, so he doesn't mind commenting on it. Even if it's a personal thought about him, he'll comment, and tell you exactly what he thinks about it. Rejection or acception, if he likes you or not, either way, you'll hear about it.

Additional Information
Birthday: August 13th
Origin: 1st Kingdom
Favorite Food: Strawberry Pocky.
Ex-Lover/s: A few boyfriends, and a girlfriend, but no one he was particulary serious with.
Interesting fact: He doesn't wear the gloves as a fashion accessory, he uses it to cover the scars from the many times he's slit his arms and wrists.
Hobby: Causing confusion and destruction.
Likes: Chaos. Destruction. Pocky. Cigarettes. Leather. Video games. Alternative.
Dislikes: Calm, quiet places. Boredom. Women.
Closest to: Eiri.
Pets:... He has no home for himself, muchless pets.
Sexuality: Gay.
Most Memorable Quote: "I won't be accused of abandoning you, but I don't have any emotions towards you. I just don't want any guilt trips."


(( ... I have no comment on this. *glare* Don't even bring it up. *grin* Unless you happen to buy me strawberry pocky or cigarettes!!! ))
 
     

(break my heart)