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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Siver Shadow's Blurty:
| Tuesday, September 14th, 2004 | |
| 6:32 am | |
| Sunday, September 12th, 2004 | |
| 12:51 am | just another day today i went work. It started as a normal day. So i thought. all day, i kept thinking about becky. Mainly, how am i going to tell her how i feel and will i have enough courage to tell her how i feel. I made it up in my mind that i was going to tell her no matter what. To prepare myself, i made scenaros. This is my patent pending pestimistic optimisum. This is when i think of the worst situation possible and realized that no matter what happens, nothing can be worse than this. So i deal with it better. Well, it turns out, that the people at my work notice that somethign wasn't right with me. They said that i wasn't "up" and "gitty" like i normally am. Plus, i kept dropping stuff while they were talking to me. And they really knew something was up then. Then i told them my delima. And they wished me luck. So, i decided that this was it. I will tell her tomorrow. Besides, the worse that could happen, she tells me that she just wants to be friends. And i will be cool with that. She's a nice person to talk to. And can put a smile on my face. In a previous entry, i placed a thought about working. Let me explain that. Because of work, i don't get to do the stuff i want to do. People i want to be with. . .. But without work, i can't take them there. So it all works out in the end. Geoff's moral/saying of the day: "If you want to go on a date with someone, don't ask if they want to "hang out". Current Mood:  indescribableCurrent Music: Bach - Motet I |
| Friday, September 10th, 2004 | |
| 11:42 pm | work, is it worth it? Today i wondered if work is woth it. Because of work, i don't get do stuff all the time. But because of work, i can do stuff. So, it evens itself out |
| 11:33 pm | . . .and suddenly, it fell apart well, i call becky, waking her up in the process and find out that she has plans with her firends. That's cool i guess. But i started to get the feeling like she doesn't really want to do anything. So, next time i will ask her out on a date. now if she wants to hang out. But a date. And when i ask her out, i will tell her how i feel. Did i meantion i got a car. I am soo hyped about that still. Current Mood:  pessimisticCurrent Music: Hoobastank - Just one |
| Thursday, September 9th, 2004 | |
| 9:18 pm | I did it. Well almost well, i asked becky out. Now i have to figure out what we can do since it's after 10. I was thinking watching a movie at her place or mine and going out to eat. I think i will promote that idea. Well, i got a car. YATTA. I think i said it before but i will say it again. Well, i am going to clean up now and get ready for school tomorrow. If becky is to come over, i have to have it neat. |
| 5:20 pm | what irony So. My dad gets me my own car. YATTA But there is only one problem. I am at the river Center a.k.a. the school of music and the car is on the lot. He forgot that i can't really get rides on tuesdays and thursday. I am stuck here without my car. That's irony Current Mood:  annoyed |
| 12:08 pm | YADA YADA YADA during my data structures class, i updated my website. Take a look |
| Wednesday, September 8th, 2004 | |
| 11:43 pm | a twist of fate well, yesterday i didn't know what to think. I want to tell becca how i feel but how do i feel? So today, it finally came to me. My morals said that i can't really like someone until i get to know her very well. Well, another rule also said there is a lopo hole for every rule. She is this loop hole. I can finally say that i do like her. And tonight, on my way to my meeting, i saw her heading into the River center. Hence the title of the post, a twist of fate. I didn't have enough time to tell her what i wanted to tell and i didn't know i was going to tell her to be honest. Why am i so shy and bashful around the girls i like? well, i am going to tell her tomorrow. And that's that. Now that i have cleared my head, i think that i cn finally tell her how i feel. I still want to get to know her. I think a little mystery will bring some more fun into a relationship. Well, it's getting late and i am going to hit the sack. Current Mood:  pleasedCurrent Music: D.J. Sammy - Heaven (candlelight) |
| Tuesday, September 7th, 2004 | |
| 10:36 pm | a good friend cherrygurlforeva: yea she has sinuses or something cherrygurlforeva: i told her she looked like crap cherrygurlforeva: ^_^ im such a good friend BeavertoothS: lol |
| 4:58 pm | This is a new begining today i talked to to becky. i had an "excuse" to call her. I wanted to call her but i didn't want it to seem like i just called her for no reason. Yes. I know. It was somewhat high schoolish but i didn't want to make it obivious. Well, i want to see if she wants to get a bite to eat but i am affraid of what she might say. why am i so nervous? I don't know. I am affraid that i might turn her away or . . . i guess be turned down. well, that's it for now. I don't know what else to say anymore. I can't talk about what i used to because some people take stuff the wrong way. this is a retraction from a previous entry. I didn't want to make it seem like Mo got mad at me because she found out that i was talking to a girl named beck. I was saying that it looked that way because she didn't want to talk and that i received information that she was mad at me. End retraction Current Mood: indescribableCurrent Music: DJ. Sammy - Paradise of Love |
| Monday, September 6th, 2004 | |
| 9:55 pm | tell all Well, i know that i have been talking a lot about Becky. The truth of the matter is this. I don't like her like her. And that's for one reason. I don't know a lot about her. And i don't want to rush things. But from what i do know about her, i do like her. That's what makes me want to know more about her. Which is ok. Besides, i don't think that i am ready for another relationship at this moment in time. The best thing i like about her is her willingness to listen i feel like i can talk to her about anything. I just have to get in touch with her. That is a difficult feat. Oh well. MAybe she's avoiding me. NAh. She's just really busy and a freshman. A music freshman. well, i am going to go now. Storm knocked of power for a sec so i want to shut down. Current Mood:  curious |
| Sunday, September 5th, 2004 | |
| 11:44 pm | Harrashed and Lonely i had to go to work this morning at 6am. My sister stayed up late and my mom did as well. I didn' think it was nessary for me to tell people in my family that i had taken my sister car. I t was obivous to me and i didn't think about it. So, they "almost" called the cops and reported it stolen until they realized that i wasn't home. Mom knew i wasn't home. And my dad forgot that i had to work today. So my sis gets mad and decides to get even by "cleaning" upmy brother's room by putting all the chrap in my room. Then she stillmy keyboard and mouse like i wouldn't notice it. So when i asked her about them, she said she didn't know in a sarcastic tone. So, i rammed her door and knocked it open. She was pissed. She ran and told my dad. I proceeded to find my keyboard and mouse which were not well hidden in her room. she said i can never use her car. So i, being the sole owner of every computer in the house, put a password on every computer that only i know. and then as i was cleaning up, i foundher car keys lying on the floor so i put them away for her. But where, i don't know. Oh tarter sauce. My Brother's home and ei am happy to see him. He brought his girl friend with him which was kewl. But the only thing i could think of (well, not really a thing) was becky. I realized that she wasn't here and that she probably didn't get the information i sent to her. I hope she drives back safely tomorrow. I don't want anything to happen to her. yesterday was an ok day. Pretty standard. Went to work and came home. Fell asleep. Except Mo started to argue with me and then it turns out she was playing with me. It would have been pk except for the fact that she played this game for about and hour and a half. i told her she needs to take things more seriously. SHe said i need to get a since of humor. Current Mood: chipper |
| Friday, September 3rd, 2004 | |
| 10:31 pm | not sure before i stated that i was scared. It's not that i am not scared, it's just that i don't know. I dont know if shelikes me or not. At this point in time, i can't just come outandask her because i want to know more about her. But deep down inside i know that that won't take long. I already know a lot about her. i probably need to clean my mind. I need to think aboutsomething else, but i can't. I don't know why can't either. I think it's because, i long to know. Hmm. maybe i should write stories. I know there is something about her. When i am with her, all the worries in the world are far away from me. On that fateful tuesday, i didn't think about Mo. Which reminds me, since i didnt call her like i used to (mostly becauseof work and school) she thought i was mad at her. And she didn't want to talk to me. THat was funny. And then she found out that i was talking to a girl named becky and she din't like that that much either. ut she finally told me that she is cool with everything. And with this, our friendship became stronger. YATTA. now that that's that, i can go to sleep. I hope. It all depends if i don't think about becky. yeah, like that's going to happen. People at work said i looked different today. That i was happier. And I was. I might have found somone that likes me and that i like back. The key word being that i like back. and she is a one of a kind. Current Mood:  confused |
| Thursday, September 2nd, 2004 | |
| 11:45 pm | Disapointed Ther is a side effect to working late. YOu don't always get to talk tothe people you want to on the phon. I am sorry becky for not calling you sooner but my family forgot about me at work. but it was before midnight. Oh well, night to everyone. ANd i am not scared anymore. Just trying to figure a way to talk to becky before i go to work on friday. Current Mood: curious |
| 11:16 am | somewhat scared right now, i am in data structures but the only thing on my mind is "Did i do something wrong?" Many are wondering what do i mean by this statement. Well, in the previous statement, i said that found a girl who is special and different. THat i wanted to date her but i want to get to know her some more before i do. Well, i think i might have pushed her away. :-( that isn't good. And to make matters worse, Mo said that she wanted to talk about something but i dont know what she wants to talk about. I hope it's not what i dreamed about. Becky is a wonderful person from what i seem to know about her and for once, i didn't think about Mo. usually, i would have been thinking about Mo most of the day but on tuesday, i didn't think about her after i talked to Becky and i wouldn't have until i saw her on wensday. And i didn't talk to her that much either. I think she noticed something was going on. BUt we are still friends and i am happy about that. I think i am trying to rush things with becky so i am slowing down and i am going to find out more about her before i finally ask her out. I hope she isn't mad and i hope she isn;t turned off. Well, that's it. I better get back to class now. Peace. Current Mood:  worriedCurrent Music: Dr. Vanev talking |
| Wednesday, September 1st, 2004 | |
| 4:32 pm | Long time no write (again) so. . . what has been going on lately in my life? Well, i am still single, may not be for long. Well i took a summer class and saw an aquantince that i haven't seen in quite some time. her name was Mo. Well, i am not going to lie. I liked her back in high school. So a part of me still liked her. But after some studying time, found out that she wasn't the person for me. Or so i thought. After a few studying times, she started to change. Her "real' self was comming out and i liked her again. I knew what she was capable of doing although she did not know. but anywho, well, i became, as Chris would put it, infatuated with her. Although i denied it, it was true. We would talk on the phone almost every day for long periods of time. I was sure that she liked me. Somewhere deep inside but she didn't show it. But it wasn't right. Apart of me said i should move on. But another said stay. My friends told me to move on but the ever present feeling of thinking she likes me will still around. What if i did date another person and Mo decides to tell me that she wants to be with me. What would happen? What should i do? Well, as a friend said, "She had her chance to be with you and she lost it." Now it brings me to my current situation. Sometime during the first week of classes, i introduced myself to Becky. She is really weird and cute and funny and cute and nice and cute and did i mention cute? when i intro duced myself to her, i found myself walking her to the rankin. It was fun. I never had such a stimulating conversation since . . . and D&D game. So, the other day, she asked me what was i about to do and i told her i was going to find a place tocrash, i was thinking about the library but she had other plans. I walked with her, in the rain, to her dorm room where she introduced me to Zeus, Aphrodite, Apollo (2), and Pandora (dorie). She told me interesting stories about her past. I did the same. and she introduced me to her room mates. Well, all except one. It was a blast. We watched Fragle Rock. and then i walked her back to the River Center for class. Yep, that's all i think. WAIT I forgot that i also got my licenses. I can drive. YAY although Becky pointed out the fact that she got hers at the age of 16. :-P well, i am going to go. I hate sitting in the little chair at my mom's school. Current Mood:  happyCurrent Music: none- little children screeming |
| Sunday, May 23rd, 2004 | |
| 11:53 pm | YO! What up? "I do anything" I love that song. unfortunately the person that made me feel like that, didn't desserve it. But it was somewhat my fault. I didn't get to go the my friends graduation. Well, i punched a hole in a wall at my house. I was in a serious rage again It isses me off. I can punch a whole in the wall when i am in a blind rage, but i can't even dent it otherwise. Why? Because i know i will feel pain when i am concious. It sucks. i am hardening my fists. Current Mood:  enragedCurrent Music: Godsmack - I stand Alone |
| Sunday, May 16th, 2004 | |
| 10:58 pm | guess what. So there is something everyone should know. Talking to 8 different people can be quite difficult. Esp. when you are trying to leave them. please, say good night or your byes only once. After that, people close the window. When don't need you to pop back up. You will probably receive a message not meant for you. And don't respond back saying, "stop it" it's your fault. i work tomorrow. Guess what, i still like the same person. But i realized that it won't work. At least, for now. SHe almost leaving. Looking for husband material, not b/f material. So i have to cal down and mature. Cause i really want to be with her. |
| Friday, May 14th, 2004 | |
| 10:34 pm | And A-J and i are kewl now. I think Current Mood: confused |
| 10:33 pm | Oh yeah, Cherry. I knew that tomorrow was three days ago thankyou verymuch. And Beachan, if i am too busy to write in my journal, i am probably too busy to write emails. Besides, when's the last time you emailed me? |