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NEW JOURNAL [09 Jun 2003|04:50pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | from autumn to ashes::reflections ]

Okay...I made a new journal... _astoria thank you manda for the help..so everyone on my friends list add me and ill add you back :]]

*4//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

ill find someone new* [08 Jun 2003|04:38pm]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | down::311 ]


so im getting over him...and people i like should know who he is....or atleast im guna try...

rip my heart x: i hate people who lead you on
brOkenprOmisesx1: yeah i know exactly what you mean

jen [loserheart] thanks for the journal help!!! <333

thats the end of the show

*5//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

hold me darling cause im scared [07 Jun 2003|09:00am]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | kill me quickly::thrice ]

so i guess you can say this will be long. you dont have to read it if you don`t want to. :[

last night. whatever. i went to amanda`s. and i really wanted to go because last time i went i just forgot about everything that was stressing me out. so i go and it was cool. and i got fucking drunk. drunker than i wanted to. im so fucking mad at myself. i don`t remember half the night. which in a way is good because i forgot about everything that i was bitching about. i remember falling a lot. i have a bunch of bruises because im a fucking idiot. i remember kaileigh telling me to sit down a lot and me hooking up with a shit load of people. and i remember having to piss once really bad. and uhhh falling a lot. and god. saying a lot of stupid shit to joe. cause im an IDIOT! seriously, i planned on getting drunk before i went. but not like that. i wanted to get out of it. and i still kind of was when my parents came. and they're like "why are your eyes blood shot?" your eyes get blood shot? and im just said that i fell asleep and i just woke up and i was rubbing my eyes.then i got home and just passed out in my room. i woke up on the floor :\

yesterday during school. janine got suspended. she might not come back next year. dude, shes my fucking best friend and tru, the only reason why im still in that fucking hell hole is because of her. and i dont know what to do now.

i woke up this morning at 7....its like 9 now. i want to go back to sleep but i cant. this sucks. i really wana talk to doug or tim. like more than ever. and i need to study for fucking finals but im too mad at myself. you don`t understand like the shit i said to joe. i wana call him and apologize...i will...later, i will. but im such a fucking idiot. i hate myself and my stupidity so much sometimes.


*12//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

[06 Jun 2003|03:55pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | thrice::betrayal is a symphony ]


*2//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

it kills me just to breathe you in [05 Jun 2003|11:23pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | none @ the moment ]

From Autumn To Ashes
You are From Autumn To Ashes!

What Long Island band are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

hehehe from autumn to ashes kicks ass.

*9//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

why am i so stupid? [03 Jun 2003|12:24pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | negative ]

yeah so in the big house for kids that should learn. in the library during lunch with kai. everything is getting fucked up. I dont think that Im coming back next year...academy of st.joes. whatever. brittany goes there and shes one of the few people that i actually care about. which is sad that i can actually make a list of people that i like or that i dont like. everythings so screwed. and im grounded. its like now im breaking down for no reason. just for the thrill of falling apart. I dont really understand whats happeneing. last night i spazzed and i told tim about it. he was the only person i could think of... i guess. i dont know. i was afraid to tell doug because he hashis own shit to deal with and he didnt neeed to hear my garbage. because truly i dont think its of any importance to him. why should he care anyway? im just a waste of fucking time. im a waste of good oxygen. kind of sitting here waiting to be called down to the office because we're supposed to see sister peggy about this stupid ass detention that me and kai got from fuccillo b.c of gay homework. and im hurting. god everythig hurts. i hate how i act so stupid when i dont know what to do. not only am i weak against other people, im weak against myself which is pathetic. im so pathetic. such a fucking waste whatever...if u care...tell me what your thinking...so comment im guessing.

love me

she wants someone to see her

*6//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

and maybe you'll find me [01 Jun 2003|06:27pm]
[ mood | creative ]
[ music | ben franklins kite::something corporate ]

-Pick a band and answer only with their lyrics-

> Something Corporate<

-- are you male or female?:
"shes guna try it tonight"[straw dog]

-- describe yourself :
"she'd cry herself to sleep but she don`t dare"[i want to save you]
"I'm going nowhere,killing time, just trying to feed my bleeding mind."[bad day]
"theres never any place for someone like me to be totally happy"[cavanaugh park]
"And no I don't feel right"[ben franklins kite]

--how do some people feel about you?:
"you'll be nothing"[airports]
"rarely letting people in"[mulligan goes to war]

-- how do you feel about yourself?:
"she doesnt have a flame she'd prefer to burn out"[straw dog]
"I cross my heart and hope to die"[bad day]

-- describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest:
"im not your star. isnt that what you said?"[konstantine]
"you dont do it on purpose but you make me shake'[hurricane]
"And I am not a twinkle in your eye"[if i die]

-- where would you rather be?:
"We can escape, and then we'd skate away from all of this. And no one ever does.[straw dog]
"I was wishing I could get out of this town"[If i die]

-- describe how you live:
"how can you ask for me to stay when all you ever do is go?"[fall]
"Cause somedays are just so hard"[airports]

-- describe how you love:
"i dont understand all the things you've seen"[konstantine]
"Why do I do these things I do to myself"[drunk girl]
"you reach so hard it makes you fall"[when it goes down]

--share a few words of wisdom:
"Don't look away too long"[plucked]
"take something over nothing"[inside the pocket]
"I don't know what its like to be you babe"[when it goes down]
"never do change"[cavanaugh park]

*6//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

not make no mistake that these villians always get the girl* [01 Jun 2003|06:13pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | nothing! ]

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT TIM MIGHT NOT BE COMING BACK NEXT YEAR....i wont come back is he doesnt...tim karcich is like my bestest guy friend...that'd be like taking janine or doug. oh god. NO! fucking blah..I HATE THIS SCHOOL!

scream your heart out

[31 May 2003|03:29pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | alkaline trio::stupid kid ]

Oh jeez. Yeha so Janine came over yesterday and oh boy. Some good times. She gets to my house and we go up to Genovese and get hair dye for her and then we go to blockbuster. So we rent The Ring and "Two Weeks Notice". We get home and walk up to Strawberry Fields and then we go to Baskin Robins. Then we died Janine's hair cause we're cool like that. Yeah...then we walkered up on to the track, got a little lost, smoked,ran 2 miles _woooo_ and then walked back home. Then my dad drove us to Port Jeff and we walked around for awhile. So we got home and watched the ring which holy fucking shit scared the crap out of me. Ive never been so scared before. And we were guna watch two weeks notice but it turns out the be SKY KIDS 2 YES! o jeez. so then jim was like "we're going to the dinner, wana come?" and it was 1:30am so we went and then picked up mike and yeah, they were insane. we got home @ 3ish and watched goldmember. then this morning we went to dunkin doughtnuts and then the..BEACH! haha yeah yeah. at the beach. so great, had some good times there. this like 30 yr old guy was on a motorized scooter and yeah that was pretty damn funny...he didnt wana wave to us....hmm so yeah. janine fucking broke my cigarette and i was urgh...stupid janine. whatever i had a good weekend. and im going to my grandmas birthday tonight and i think lauren might sleep over? yeah so comment and yeah?

and i think im in love with someone who doesnt know that i have a heart that bleeds for them

*10//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

at this moment i am happy* [30 May 2003|12:16am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | wish you were here::incubus ]


*6//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

and theres never anyplace for someone like me to be totally happy* [29 May 2003|09:25am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | cavanaugh park-soco ]

yeah so i have this day off and im up far too early. blah anyway, my background won`t come up. so i need a new one. can anyone make one for me?? please!!

*2//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

i promise not to lie if im looking you straight in the eye* [28 May 2003|08:53pm]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | incubus::antigravity ]

urgh. yeah so... i dont even know. im just really cold. i wana get out of myself. i will soon enough.....my mom messed everything up again. i dont understand her. i really dont. and she has no clue who i am or what i think. i hate how people expect me to pour my heart out to them. and thats what she expects. which is so stupid for her to think because i never will . whatever im tired and im cold. im just so done with this. i need to get out of myself...

she keeps on asking
"do you think it hurts much to die?"
its hurting so much more to stay alive now
*2//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

im miserable and you're just getting started* [26 May 2003|01:45pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | uncalm-311 ]

why wont the rain make me happy??? =(

you make me feel uncalm and i think i like it

*14//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

and im sleeping in your living room [25 May 2003|04:23pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | konstantine-something corporate ]

wooo...new colors and such. thanks to jen (loserheart) for making my hearts; coheed and cambria hearts; background and manda (shooting_stars) for getting it up there. and new song =)

so yeah a boring sunday. memorial day tomorrow so no school and then im off on thursday and friday. so two days of school. anyway. yeah progress reports that my parents dont know exsist are here. im borderline in computer...haha. i failed the final. i dont know how to do a reseach paper correctly =p. and then i think im failing math or something. yeah. so my parents would flip a shit if they saw it. urgh i gotta study or something. someone be my tudor...=)

cause we both know what its like to be alone


scream your heart out

FUCKING BORED [24 May 2003|09:41pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | a lot ]

i hate these...but im way too bored and babysitting..so have fun

·* Time: 9:41. *·.
.·*Date: 5-24-03*·.

.·*B a S i C s*·.

.·* Name: Kayla
.·* Birthday: September 17
.·* Where You're From: long island
.·* AIM Screen Name: brokenpromisesx1
.·* Yahoo Screen Name: -
.·* MSN Screen Name: -
.·* Shoe Size: 8 or 9
.·* Hair: blonde
.·* Nick Names: kay, klay, kbomb
.·* Righty Or Lefty: righty
.·* Inny Or Outty: innie
.·* Zodiac Sign: virgo
.·* Siblings: 4 brothers
.·* Height: 5'6 or 5'7
.·* Weight: urgh

.·*F a V o R i T e S*·.

.·* Color[s]: orange,red and black
.·* Number: 28
.·* Sport: lacrosse
.·* Car: i duno but its a mustang
.·* Family Member: jim steve or laur
.·* Smell: sharpie markers and cigarettes
.·* Store: duno
.·* Song: finch::without you here
.·* Band[s]: something corporate:coheed and cambria:from autumn to ashes
.·* Movie[s]: slc punk, billy madison
.·* Day: Friday
.·* Fruit: banana (WHAT?!)
.·* Place to go on VK: somewhere warm.
.·* Ice Cream: vanilla..im boring
.·* Holiday: halloween..if that counts..
.·* Cartoon: Invader Zim, adult swim, family guy
.·* Shampoo: whatever is in the shower..
.·* Soap: dove
.·* Lotion: dont matter
.·* Tv Show: Conan O'Brian
.·* Toothpaste: crest
.·* Month: July
.·* Drink: water (boring)
.·* Food: i dont like a lot of food

.·*F r i E n d S*·.

.·* Best Friend[s] Offline: janine:timmy:doug:kai
.·* Best Friend[s] Online: ::edit:: JEN IS MY COOLEST FAVORITEST ONLINE FRIEND! <33
.·* Guys That Know Me Best: tim +doug
.·* Girls That Know Me Best: janine +kai
.·* Prettiest Friend: ummmm theyre so pretty. im an ugly fuck
.·* Hottest: uhhh
.·* Tallest: i consider myself the winner
.·* Laziest: lazy people
.·* Dumbest: JABUBE
.·* Most Annoying: ...no names..
.·* Quietest: no one
.·* Loudest: janine
.·* Shortest: timothy
.·* Athlete: lindsay pip
.·* Most Talented: doug
.·* Best Kisser: mmm..wouldnt u like to know..
.·* Preppiest: duno
.·* Biggest Slut: cough..
.·* Smartest: no one.

.·*L o V e*·.

.·* Boyfriend/Girlfriend: no
.·* His/her Name: no
.·* Do You Love Him/Her: no
.·* Does He/She Love You: no
.·* Dumped Someone: yeah.
.·* Been Dumped: mmhmm..once..and it sucked..
.·* Wear Makeup: yes.

.·*L a S t - 24 - H o U r S*·.

.·* Cried: no..
.·* Helped Someone: if you can call it that
.·* Bought Something: nope
.·* Gotten Sick: no
.·* Gone To The Movies: uh uh
.·* Gone Out For Dinner: yes i have
.·* Said "I Love You": yep yep
..* If So, Who To: tim janine doug and jen
.·* Written A Real Letter: read one not written
.·* Talked To An Ex: yes..two
.·* Missed An Ex: yeah...
.·* Talked To A Crush: yes.
.·* Had A Serious Talk: not really
.·* Missed Someone: yes
.·* Hugged Someone: dont touch me im ugly
.·* Fought With Your Parents: kinda
.·* Fought with a friend: uh huh
.·* Told Someone You Hated Them: joking yeah
.·* If So, Who: tim but i was joking to the max <3

.·* Time: 9:55 *·.

*4//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

we turn our music down and we whisper "say what your thinking right now" [24 May 2003|04:04pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]
[ music | something corporate---hurricane ]

yeah so janine told me i didnt update in awhile. so im updating? makes sense. and my mom is nuts. shes cleaning out the attic. and shes going through all my baby clothes that she saved for my kids? what? yeah and shes all remember wearing this and what am i supposed to say? yeah...its from a box of 6 months old. insane. she is seriously insane. MOVING ON!
i got my nails done yesterday...pretty pretty. o shit. my dad just found a wet suit. and he was trying to get it on and fell over. wow he cracks me up... uhhhh im bored. and i think lindsay and elyse are coming over later..yeahyeah. i tried tried to teach myself how to play guitar. and i failed so badly. but i wont give up foir awhile i guess.

taxi-she screamed it loud and proud~taxi-no one heard she was lost in the crowd~the driver drove away with everyone in the car~she screamed" wait up guys"but fell into the tar

hhahahahahahhaha janine wrote a song about me. WHAT haha. wow im bored. comment i guess.

you dont do it on purpose but u make me shake

--sweet catastrophe--
*3//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

I`m sick of writing every song about you. [18 May 2003|06:24pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | walking by-something corporate ]

I should of know today would be sucky. Actually, it wasnt at first. I woke up at around noonish. And then I hung out with my little brother danny as loserish as it sounds. but it was a nice day out and he was playing catch by himself so i felt bad. Anyway, my brother kyle and my neighbor james come outside and they just effin take over. so me and danny go inside. and so my mom comes in and shes like who the hell got dirt of this floor? i cleaned it at the beginning of the week alright mom. its sunday. are you expecting it to magically stay clean? so then shes like kayla who did this and i say...uhh i duno maybe kyle he came in the house with shoes on. and she goes oh ok. clean this up. so im say: shouldnt kyle clean it? he made the mess. so she says are you talking back to me?! so i say uhhh what? no i was asking a question. so whatever i clean her stupid floor. and she comes back in the house 10 minutes later and i was making myself food because i hadnt eaten yet. (it was 4 in the afternoon) and shes like what are you doing. so i say making food? and she goes NO PUT IT BACK. so i put it back. and shes like yeah and then peel these potatoes. Then she goes upstairs and 2 minutes later comes down explodes an entire thing of gingerale, pours a glass and says (like she didnt know she just did this) what the hell?! who did this?! kayla clean this up ......wow okay. so i clean it up. and stupid shit like this went on all effin day. til now. fdssafhodshfuoldshnfp;hdsanf god. she really tries to piss me off.

i remember when me and my mom were close. when me and alex would come home from school in kindergarden and we would run home from the top of the street. the days when i found my house was a safe haven and that I always had some where to belong. when i truly believed that i would become a model and that I had some type of purpose. the days when my mom told me i was worth it. and i should go for what i wanted. when she would look me dead in the eye and tell me im beautiful, and that i was guna make it out there, no matter what i was guna do. i wish i still wanted to be a model. i wish i didnt let what i wanted to do so much slip away like i let it. i wish i was beautiful.... i wish i was beautiful...


*23//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

i guess that im wrong for falling in love [17 May 2003|10:40am]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | hurricane::something corporate ]

The Mark. Where's the scar? Is it on your leg? Is it on your arm? I'm pretty sure you don't think you're doing any harm. Did it hurt, or did you enjoy the pain? Are you an amature and cut the surface? Or are you a pro, and cut deep into the flesh? Eyes closed or open? Anger or depression? What's your meaningful confession? I have a question..do you use a knife or a blade? Oop's I'm sorry you're in pain, I should't be asking so many questions. I just want to know...how do you leave your mark?

...........i need some help with my journal...can you help me??? and does any one know any other sites besides mp3.com to get mp3's...cause i need the links and ish. thank you
*7//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

Am I losing you? AM I LOSING YOU?! [16 May 2003|09:15pm]
[ mood | energetic ]
[ music | finch::stay with me ]

hmm good day suckers...and thats all Im telling you =)

*4//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

im waiting til its over [12 May 2003|07:55pm]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | without you here-finch ]

we get through tomorrow
then we'll be fine

I don`t know what to say. Janine, Timmy, and Doug. I love you three. So much. You'll never understand. Never. I'd be lost without you. If I lost any of you. We'll make it, I promise. We'll be okay. Trust me. I've never really meant I love you until I met people like you three. Love is when you have people who care if you wake up in the morning. Thanks for caring if I opened my eyes. I Love You.

to her own reflection she said
I will hold on
to her own reflection she said
I will be strong

~K*bomb-Klay-Kay~ Choose
*10//|x|X|x| scream your heart out

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