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Monday, January 17th, 2005
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12:02 pm
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i know i shouldnt be jealous of nat. i mean, she’s my best friend and i love her so much, buti cant help but be envious of how things are going with her and this guy. she met curly at a party, and since then they started talking on the phone and going out from time to time. i know i shoulda been used to this -- natalie’s love life is often fast-paced, unlike mine which is slow but sure. she meets someone, goes out with him a few times, and then one of them disappears. either she realizes she’s really not into him, or the other way around. attraction span averages from 3 weeks to a couple of months.
since im really into the ninja turtle, and have been for 4 months now, i couldnt help but compare the two of us with them. with the turtle, everything seems unsure. it’s slow and mentally and emotionally tiring. i know it’s not good for me but since i really like the guy, im still here. waiting for him to finally make up his mind. it’s driving me crazy. but with curly and nat, it’s like so easy for them to show how they feel about each other. no fronting. if they wanna be with each other, then one of them asks the other one out. that simple.
and another thing, im scared. ive been with nat all the time ever since ivan and i broke up and what if she and curly decide to officially become a couple? where will that leave me? oh, i know nat will still see me, and i still have so many friends, but spending time with her is irreplaceable. thinking about this makes me sad.
nathan has been making me sad as well. he was in manila for just a couple of weeks and we only saw each other once. we talk on the phone everyday and since we kinda know that we wont be seeing each other anymore before he flies back to the states, i told him that he should call me when he gets to the airport. and he was like, sure, i always do. it’s true - he calls me before he boards the plane. all the time. he never failed.
so i woke up early yesterday and waited for his call. and it never came. i dont know why he didnt, really. this time, he just seemed so far from me. maybe im just being paranoid, but it seemed like he didnt wanna see me. and he knows i needed him here. he’s my best friend next to nat.
yesterday, the ninja turtle told me he misses me. but when i asked him to come see me, he didnt try his best to do so. i cant believe im stupid enough to just let him play with my feelings like that.
i know i shouldnt let other people cause me pain, but right now im just too vulnerable i cant help it.
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| Thursday, January 6th, 2005
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5:38 pm
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there's nothing to do here so i came up with this.
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| Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
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11:43 am
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a friend sent me this to make me feel better. it makes me wanna enjoy life more. :)
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Enjoy here and now.
The more you enjoy the place where you are, the better that place will be.
The more you enjoy the moment you're in, the more treasures that moment
will bring.
Even when you have no reason to enjoy life, enjoy it anyway. For joy is its
own best reason.
It does no harm to anyone for you to enjoy who you are and what you're
doing. In fact, your genuine enjoyment can bring joy to many others.
You're always better at doing the things you enjoy. So enjoy as much as you
can.
Don't let others limit your thinking about what's enjoyable and what's not.
Enjoyment is a state of mind and of being, not a state of outside affairs.
Enjoy that you're here to experience all the ups and downs. Your enjoyment
will bring the ups more and more often.
-- Ralph Marston
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| Tuesday, October 26th, 2004
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11:04 am
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white chicks, i believe, is the funniest movie of the year.
god. i still laugh whenever we talk about it.
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| Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
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11:06 am
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i might not be able to update for a few days. it's gonna be a busy, busy week, and im still catching my breath from this morning's workload.
i had the worst dental experience ever yesterday - and it adds to my horrible mood.
talk to you guys soon.
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| Monday, September 27th, 2004
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11:17 am
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this will be the last time that im gonna be writing about the ninja turtle - mark my word.
i really think he has a girlfriend. and why am i not sure? because i never asked. and guys will never tell. so now i no longer have a chance to ask him coz i dont think ill see him again. we havent exchanged messages for 5 days now. i really dont know why i never asked him in the first place. a guy as good looking as him is probably seeing someone, right? but our common friend never said anything, either. when i told him i was attracted to the ninja turtle, he shouldve told me, “oh im sorry, he’s got a girlfriend”. then i wouldnt be wasting time thinking about him! darn it.
reasons why i think he has a girlfriend:
1. he has two cellphone numbers. and he wants me to send messages to him on the other one.
2. whenever i ask him to come see me, he has reasons like, “i couldnt call, i left my cellphone in the car”, and “i wasnt able to text you right away, i left my cellphone in my friend’s bag during the game”.
3. when i asked him out the first time, he kept insisting that i should invite more friends. the more, the merrier.
4. i have this hunch.
so, oh well. no more ninja turtle for me, i guess.
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| Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
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5:33 pm
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i love this song so much.
My Baby
(Janet Jackson feat. Kanye West)
You see I go by the name of Kan the Louis Vuitton Don
I'm with my home girl
Who need to hook me up with some of her home girls
Yeah, Janet Jackson
We back, baby
Don't matter what they say baby
They just don't know my baby
And how I feel about you
'Cause you're so ooh
So many said we'd (never)
Never know love like this (but)
They never felt your kiss (felt your kiss)
And how good your touch could be (so)
Many a days I face the pressure to walk away (way)
From what the people say (people say)
Baby (baby) these butterflies they never lie
Been thru so much pain before (and)
Baby (baby) - I had to try
'Cause you're not like most guys
Baby (baby)
Don't matter what they say baby (baby)
They just don't know my baby
And how I feel about you
Baby (baby)
Don't matter what they say baby (baby)
I won't let go my baby
And how I feel about you
When you look in my eyes
I wish you could read my mind (and)
And know how I feel inside (feel inside)
And hear what they say about you
Just because they can't see (see)
You're more than enough for me (why)
Why can't they just let us be (can't they just let be)
And leave us alone
I go by the name Kanye Omari
And I wrote this just to say I'm sorry
I have foreign cars and houses
I have porno stars and spouses
You tryin' to stab one like Jack the Ripper
I was tryin' to stabe two like Jack the Tripper
My nigger Tone been locked for a minute
He come home he
And I'm a big tipper I don't need to be trippin?
This my first Rolex it don't even be tickin'
This my first pair of earrings I can wear in the shower
Without them clouding up in half an hour
So that basically mean my paper getting mean
Basically mean I'm into better things
I was an addict of cheating but I stopped before
You an addict you go with Janet Jackson you cured
Don't matter what they say baby
They just don't know my baby
Don't matter what they say baby
I won't let go, my baby
But y'all don't know a thing about my...
My baby (baby) My baby (baby)
There's more to his love than what y'all see
And it don't describe what he is to me
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| Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
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11:13 am
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i watched this filipino horror movie last night - feng shui. honestly, it's been a gazillion years since the last time i watched a local film in the theater. but honestly, the movie really scared me to death!
it was quite good. the japanese version of the first "the ring" is still better, but i can say this one can level with the original "the grudge" and the chinese movie "the eye".
way to go, philippine movie industry! there's finally one filipino movie i can say that i really like (err, maybe there are two. i also liked rosanna roces' "la vida rosa")
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i thought i wont get enough sleep last night because of "feng shui", but i was wrong. i woke up around 4:30 in the morning with a killer toothache! i didnt know where the hell it's coming from. it was too sudden. i didnt even feel a minor ache the night before. it was too painful, i kept on tossing and turning. then when i couldnt take it anymore, i got up and took a pill, and went back to bed. the pain was still there so i got up again and pressed a freezing bottle of water to my cheek. none of it seemed to work.
i was able to sleep maybe an hour later. i wont be able to see my dentist till tomorrow. oh no. :(
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| Monday, September 20th, 2004
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11:14 am
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i had so much work to do last friday night, and my friend was already waiting for me downstairs and i couldnt leave the office! i was cramming, and everyone's gone bitchy already. i was in such a rush coz i really had to leave.
then i got a call from the ninja turtle for the first time! omg. i talked to him for a while, not caring about my boss being pissed. he said he was driving home alone and suddenly remembered me. *blushes* he told me i dont even send him messages anymore. wel, why would i? i mean, i feel like he's not really interested in me so i almost gave up on him. and he called! woohoo. when we hung up, i didnt notice that i was touching my face to stop from screaming. when we ended the call, i gave out a scream.
unfortunately, he chose his friends over me. not that i really care, you know, im not his girlfriend (but if i was, and he chooses his friends over me, itll be the start of the third world war). i asked him if he could drop by the bar we were going to that night and i didnt get a message from him till around 3:30 am already. i and my friend were already on our way to the parking lot, and we were both sweaty from dancing for hours. so it was ok if he wouldnt drop by anymore.
anyway, he said he was already getting ready to see me when his friends showed up and asked him to go drinking with them first. he thought it was only for a while. and then he couldnt call me coz he left his phone in the car. so this only means that:
1. im not important - coz he can always get his keys and get his celphone in the car, right?
2. he was out with another girl so he couldnt call me
3. he really didnt wanna see me
but anyway, i dont have to go analyzing everything (which i think i already did) coz as you can see, were not even dating. so why the hell am i thinking about this? im not really that pissed coz i still appreciated his call, and him not showing up isnt really a big deal coz i just asked him if he could drop by. its not like he stood me up on a date or anything. and its ok that he wasnt with us coz i was with a guy friend and it waould be hard for me to try to divided my attention between them (even if i know my friend wouldnt mind if the ninja turlte gets a little extra). three's a crowd.
well, whatever.
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| Thursday, September 16th, 2004
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11:42 am
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there was an earthquake around 3:30am this morning. i thought there were evil spirits shaking my bed, but then i noticed the hanging beads on my lamp were shaking and my wooden headboard was banging against the wall. i prayed with eyes wide open. the shakng would stop for like two seconds, and then it would start again.
it was scary. it lasted for maybe a minute coz i havent even finished my "our father" yet, but it felt like it lasted for hours.
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| Monday, September 13th, 2004
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11:15 am
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ive decided to be good friend and always be there for leigh. she just broke up with her boyfriend and she really needs a friend right now. she was there for me when i broke up with my ex, constantly checking if i was ok and everything.
ive always taken leigh for granted, and my relationship with nat is very different when compared with her. but im her best friend and i wanna make her feel better. we might go shopping on wednesday and maybe we’ll have dinner and ice cream together .ice cream always helps.
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im positive now that the ninja turtle really isnt into me. i learned from our common friend, dave, that his sister threw a party last saturday -- the very same night when i was moping around at home, waiting for someone to call me and tell me we’re going out. they had the entire 2nd floor of this bar reserved for the occasion, and he gave the responsibility of inviting friends to dave - who didnt call me! he said he couldnt invite friends to the party coz he couldnt stay for long.
and he didnt even invite me. or nat.
so that means i mean nothing to him, so i promise -- im never asking him again! i hope he’d swallow his tongue ring!
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i stayed home all weekend, and i did a gazillion of chores. i washed so many clothes! it was unbelievable. i had too many clothes piled up and it took me the whole day to machine-wash everything.
i read from a book written by a filipino author, that we should be thankful with whatever life may bring. i remember a line in aprayer he shared, ‘i thank God for the piles of laundry, for it means i have clothes to wear’. isnt that nice. so i guess im thankful for my bitchy boss, for it means i have a job; and im thankful for the dishes i had to wash, for it means we have food to eat.
oh well. im thinking positive right now. i hope everyone else are, too. :)
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| Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
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11:57 am
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i feel like the ninja turtle doesnt wanna be seen with me. he's either seeing someone and doesnt wanna be caught, or he simply doesnt like me. he kept on insisting that we go out with a lot of people, and not just me, him and nat.
i hate men.
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| Monday, August 30th, 2004
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2:24 pm
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i had another interesting weekend.
i thought i was staying home saturday night but natalie was yelling at me through my cellphone, pressuring me to go out with her. and when i asked her to ask the other girl instead, she got pissed and told me i was giving her away.
so i gave in. the three of us had a few drinks at greenbelt - me, my sister, and nat. we were supposed to meet up with two friends (who are brothers) but around midnight they called me and changed the plans. they wanted to pick us up at greenbelt and head to their friend’s bar. we were cool with it coz they said that it’s a different crowd there. you know, for a change.
for the record, they brought with them the ninja turtle. he’s this good-looking guy we met during a party (it was the big brother’s birthday) and he was wearing a teenage mutant ninja turtles shirt. when i got in the car, i said to him, “hey! it’s the ninja turtle!” and he said that he thought i wouldnt remember coz i was drunk then. i was, but who would forget a face like that? i even remember that he told me that night that he thought i was cute. *smiles*
so they fetched us and we went to the bar. the three of us were shocked. yeah, the crowd was different - coz they werent like us at all! i dont know how to describe it, but they look different. theyre loud, and they talk and dress funny. i mean, i look normal. they dont. i cant explain it.
so we were so pissed at first coz we cant believe they dragged us out of this cool hang out we were in just to go there.
but it was funny, though - nat and i actually enjoyed just coz we were together. the crowd and the place didnt bring us down. we seem to know how to have a good time during the worst times. we each had a bottle of beer, danced a little, and nat was pulling hte ninja turtle to go dancing with us. he has these funny dance steps, and i had no idea where he got that, and nat and i were the ones who laughed the loudest.
finally, they drove us back to greenbelt (and we hung out with other friends we saw there) and just picked us up after an hour to drive us home. i was disappointed when i checked the front seat and the ninja turtle wasnt there! they drove him home before picking us up. argh. the big brother kept holding my hand, and i kept on pulling it back.it wasnt that annoying, however. what an adventure.
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there was this foreign couple who were sitting on the grass at greenbelt and they asked my sister to take their picture. i asked them if they were just visiting the country, and they said yes. they’re from romania and russia. i asked if they were having a good time - and they said they liked it here.
they’re such a cute couple. and they made me proud to be living in the philippines. i love it here, too.
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| Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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5:40 pm
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its gonna be a horrible, horrible week. im gonna be working more than ten hours everyday to beat deadlines, so this only means one thing. i might not be able to update in a few days. but if weeks have already gone by and you havent heard from me, send me a message or something - i might have collapsed under an avalanche of work.
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i love this song, even if it makes me sad.
landslide
smashing pumpkins
I took my love, I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
‘Til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing cause I’ve
Built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing cause I’ve
Built my life around you
Time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too
I get older, too
I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
The landslide brought it down
The landslide brought it down
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| Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
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11:36 am
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fairy tales dont come true. they do in movies but definitely not in reality. in this world i am in, there are no happily ever afters.
instead of watching a movie for the intellectual, we decided to give in to the high school girl inside us and got tickets for a cinderella story. oh yes, i am crazy for chad michael murray so i really dont care if its hilary duff in the lead role.
it was pretty shallow, yeah. but it is definitely a feel good movie. i love it. i feel like a high school kid again. i was laughing and smiling and feeling giddy throughout the movie - and its a good thing coz the greenbelt theatre was almost empty.
well, since im hopeless (just for now, i hope), id just watch happily ever afters in the big screen. maybe someday id find myself in one, too.
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| Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
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11:48 am
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remember the dj im crazy about? i am now his certified stalker. we have a common friend so i gained access to his friendster account. telling you about this is embarassing, but anyway... i check out his acount occasionally for the past week. then yesterday, when i entered the page, i found out he changed his settings. since he doesnt know me, i wont be able to see the full profile. darn it. he even changed the pics so i wasnt able to see all of it. geez... maybe he found out someone's checkig out his page or something. grrr.
and the kindergarten boy, as more friends told me, is freaking gay. we were with him friday night, and he has a date with him (nice-looking girl but she's not pretty). so it was fine. i was drooling over the dj anyway to notice him. a friend of mine noticed something else. he has a trace of powder near his temple.
powder? what the? maybe he's too vain or just simply gay. or he's too vain that he's becoming gay. ugh. and i cant believe i almost made out with him before. eeew.
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| Friday, August 13th, 2004
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11:18 am
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guess who's going to germany? *raises hand*
woohoo! my boss told me the other day that they'd send me to munich for an event that our company's gonna participate in. its gonna be in november but i have to work on a lot of stuff for my german visa (since im holding a philippine passport, i am one of the unfortunate people who need to apply for a visa before entering some countries - ugh). im so excited!
im going alone, by the way. a 16-hour plane ride alone. me in a foreign country alone. but its fine. i really cant wait. :)
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| Monday, August 9th, 2004
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11:13 am
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i am crazy over someone who doesnt know i exist. can anyone be more pathetic?
there'sthis club i go to every friday with natlaie, my sister, and some other friends. i noticed about 4 weeks ago that the dj is a hottie. he's really, really cute. we all think so. so every friday i always look for him. sometimes he's in the dj's corner, sometimes he's just hanging out.
last friday we met up with a few friends (most of them are new) and that was when we learned that one of the guys we were with knew him. we were all like, omg! (shrieks) introduce us! (more shrieks). but unfortunately, our firned left around 2am and the dj doesnt get off work till around 3. when we thought he was finished coz he grabbed his backpack, we were talking to each other, staring at him from outside. i was saying, i wish i was his back pack. and nat was saying, can i take you home? it was so funny.
he rarely smiles, and never dances to the beat. he's this bad boy type, and our friends who know him tell us that he really is a bad boy (who cares? it's not like im gonna marry him or anything) and they wouldnt introduce us the next time. grr. i may not even be his type! whats the fuss? but anyway, id be there next friday again. just staring. ugh.
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| Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
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11:23 am
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i feel better today. one, i think my internet's alright now. though i still think blurty is so slow!!! and two, comments i just read made me feel a whole lot better. so anyways, there's nothing to do right now so ive been playing with my brandon boyd pics in adobe photoshop.
im marrying this guy.
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| Monday, July 26th, 2004
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1:01 pm
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i have a headache and im not in a very good mood. internet connection's still a bit busted, but at least it looks like ive still got my friends here in blurty. im going back to work! :)
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